


Starman

by Bellezee



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Force Sensitivity, General Finn, Implied/Referenced Torture, Jedi, Jedi Rey (Star Wars), Mentions of Darth Vader - Freeform, Minor Character Death, Pilot Poe Dameron, Pilot!Reader, Poe Dameron Being a Little Shit, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Post TROS, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Reader is Sassy, Reader-Insert, Sith, Slow Burn, Slow To Update, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, Strangers to Lovers, Swearing, They both do, Trauma, general dameron, he is cocky and he enjoys it, reader doesn't, slight AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:01:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 217,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22749016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellezee/pseuds/Bellezee
Summary: Years ago, Y/N Thunderbird woke up, alone, on a foreign planet, with no memories of her past except the one of her name. Her journey was no straight road; as she fought in the war as a TIE pilot, she discovered there was more to the Galaxy that the glimpse of it she had seen through the black helmet. Violence cannot always be accepted.Many cycles later, after deserting, a surprise encounter with some infamous spaceships with starbirds on their wings gives her life a new meaning. Now part of the ranks she once vowed to destroy, Y/N's journey is forever linked to the Resistance and its members, whether she likes it or not - and more particularly, to the life of one Hell of a pilot who can fly anything, General Poe Dameron. The war might be won, but there is still so much to do to rebuild the Galaxy that was destroyed by years of raging battles and tyranny... And evil is never truly gone, is it?But secrets, much like the sun, cannot stay hidden forever. Nobody can run away from their past.And as hers threaten to ruin her new life, it's time for Y/N to see if the Force truly is with her.
Relationships: Ben Solo & Reader, Finn & Reader, Han Solo & Reader, Kylo Ren & Reader, Leia Organa & Reader, Luke Skywalker & Reader, Poe Dameron/Reader, Rey (Star Wars) & Reader
Comments: 136
Kudos: 112





	1. Close Encounters of the Starbird Kind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, reader. Thank you for joining me on this adventure. A few warnings before we get started:
> 
> \- English isn't my first language. If you spot any mistake, please KINDLY point them out to me  
> \- This is my first AO3 fic, any constructive feedback is much appreciated! I'd love to hear back from you guys.  
> \- This might slightly diverge from the canon. If that's something that bothers you, then feel free to click on the red cross in the upper corner of your screen. However, I have put a fair amount of work into research to ensure it follows it as closely as possible. I'm a huge Star Wars fan, but it's been a while since I've watched the movies. If you spot an error that ticks you off, feel free to reach out to me.  
> May the Force be with you!

She couldn’t even exactly pinpoint the moment it had gone to shit.  
Maybe it had been at the very beginning, when she had walked into the cantina in the first place. Maybe it had been slightly after, when she had accepted the job from the suspicious-looking being who seemed to be expecting someone to pop up and blast him at any second. Now that she had some insight, she knew the weird vibes she had gotten when walking into that place were not entirely due to the run-down tables and stitched back together chairs that littered the room in a clump. Something had been shady from the beginning.  
And now that she was in such a predicament, she couldn’t help but think the real moment of her downfall had been when she had actually gone through with the plan.  
She should have known it was a bad idea.  
Actually, scratch that. She knew, but at the time, she didn’t care.  
Present Y/N hated past Y/N and her carelessness very much.  
She railed once again against her recklessness, for what seemed to be the hundredth time in the last five minutes.  
But in the emptiness of space, nobody could hear her curse or complain about her complaints.  
That was good.  
It also meant nobody could hear her scream as she was blasted into oblivion, which was exactly what was going to happen to her.

Alone with the man in that run-down cantina, the woman had sat down on the fragile stool which had been bent way too may times from being used as a makeshift weapon during bar fights. Perched on the edge of the stool, she had listened. The man, a Twi’Lek, had leaned forward conspiringly, using his merchant voice to sell her on the mission he needed her to take care of.  
A nice pile of credits had been thrusted her way. A bigger one that any other pile she had ever seen in her life.  
She should have known it was too good to be true. Now she was being hunted by ex-imperial fighters, slaloming between celestial objects. Asteroids zoomed past her at full speed but she barely registered how close they were. Her eyes were more focused on the fuel tank alert. She was running low.  
There was no way she would be able to escape.  
Five ships had started to follow when she stole one of them. In hindsight, she realized she shouldn’t have done it.  
But the pile of credits had been way too enticing... and now, the damn thing was burning a hole in her pocket.  
The Twi’Lek mission was fairly simple; steal a TIE interceptor from an abandoned base in the outskirts of the planet, bring it back home.  
What he had forgotten to tell her (and which probably justified the hefty amount of money he had offered) was that the damn thing was heavily guarded.  
Stealing it had been easy.  
Escaping with it, however...  
As she had said before, five ships had started following her as soon as she had turned on the engines. And they had been trying to shoot her down ever since.  
It was an hour ago, and even though Y/N had managed to destroy half of them, her TIE had been hit, the engines were overheating and the cannons were damaged.  
It was only a matter of time before they blew her kriffing brains off.  
Dying in space was an honorable death. She was just sad about the fact that the last person she would have talked to was a random Twi’Lek.  
She had been doing a fairly good job at keeping the fallen soldiers at bay, for a simple reason: she was an awesome pilot.  
“Legend Han Solo himself” level of greatness, if she did say so herself.  
What? She usually never gloated about her skills, but if there was a moment in her life she should gloat, it would have been right before she died.  
Y/N Thunderbird was a great pilot. The best, actually, according to her tests.  
At least, one of the best the Empire had ever had.  
Yes, she was an ex-imperial pilot.  
Hey, nobody was perfect.  
But it was rather ironic that her ex-colleagues were now the ones trying to blow her up. If she wasn’t so damned focused, she would have laughed.  
The cabin beeped loudly and she sent the ship spinning, avoiding yet another shot. Hah. She was not going down easily.  
But right as she avoided hitting an asteroid, she found herself flying right toward a TIE who was also flying toward her.  
Crap.  
They had gotten smarter. It took a while, but they had.  
She was going to die.  
Eyes fixated on the ship, she raised her right hand, touching the pendant her mother had given her all those years ago.  
That was it. The end of the road.  
She did her bit.  
Even though she was terrified, she refused to look away. She was going to stare death in the face like the fighter she was. A silent prayer went to her parents. Time slowed down around her as the TIE aimed at her.  
The explosion lit up her entire face.

Wait.  
She wasn’t the one who exploded.  
At least, she was pretty sure she wasn’t, considering her skin wasn’t melting off her bones and she hadn’t been burned alive. What?  
Her eyes incredulously fell on the now fuming (quite literally) wreckage of the TIE in front of her. Y/N stared at it, bewildered. What, did the thing have a malfunction?  
Impossible.  
And she quickly realized that indeed, it wasn’t a malfunction, when she saw something fly past her.  
An X-Wing.  
She hadn’t seen one of those in a long time.  
The green light of an incoming transmission blinked on her console and she accepted the call. Static was heard and crackled ominously, and then...  
**_“...Do you copy? Do you need help?”_**  
Great! The Twi’Lek wouldn’t be the last creature she would hear before dying, after all.  
She didn’t know who she was talking to, but the guy hadn’t tried to blow her up yet, so that was an improvement and she would take her chances. Smiling to herself, letting relief wash over her, Y/N grabbed her com link.  
**“Hey. Yes. They’ve been chasing me for almost an hour and I’m running low. I stole that TIE and they followed me.”**  
The X-Wing disappeared from her peripheral vision and Y/N was afraid she had scared him away.  
Great.  
But when it did come back, it was with two other X-Wings and a Y-Wing. A whole squadron.  
Kriff.  
They were here to help.  
Y/N turned her ship around, watching over her guardian angels. The five of them quickly wiped out the rest of her stalkers and she heard the guy compliment her through the radio.

His name was Skylen.  
That’s what he had told her when they had landed on the planet. Well, they had, she had crashed unceremoniously in the hard, sandy ground, finally running out on fuel. With a groan and several curses, the woman had extirpated herself from the ship and walked to her saviors. They were wearing flying jumpsuits, but what had piqued her interest the most had been the logo on their helmets.  
A starbird.  
They were Resistance.  
Her new friend, a guy around her age with an untamed beard, broad shoulders and an impressive height, was very wary of her at first. Once she got close, he had grabbed his blaster and aimed it at her, asking about her identity.  
**“I’m Y/N. I’m from Tatooine.”**  
This was the truth. As far as she was aware.  
She then explained what the hell she was doing in a TIE and the man was sufficiently surprised with how well and how long she had managed to survive with a damaged ship that he had lowered his gun, much to Y/N's delight.  
Being held at gun point wasn’t her favorite thing in the world.  
**“Do you have anywhere to go?”** Skylen had asked, and the H/C had shook her head no. She hadn’t had a home in more than twenty years.  
**“Then come with us.”**  
She happily did, but not before handing him her blaster. Safety reasons, he had said, and she didn’t complain. She would have done the same.  
Now, the woman was safely sitting in the Y-Wing, behind a pilot she hadn’t quite grasped the name of. He wasn’t much of a talker either, but he did tell her something: where they were going.  
Kuat. The new base after Ajan Kloss.  
After the battle of Exegol, the location of the Resistance base became fairly well-known, at least to the people who had taken part in the fight.  
Y/N was one of them.  
She had come to help, like many others, her spirits boosted by the sight of the Millenium Falcon. She knew where the base was, because they had gone back there after the fight was won. Y/N hadn’t followed, she didn’t feel like she belonged.  
After all, she had killed some of them. Eons ago, yes, but she had.  
That wasn’t something she could forget. Some people there probably had lost someone because of her.  
And now, she was going to be brought right where she didn’t belong. Why Skylen was so adamant on having her come with them, she didn’t know.

After the death of Palpatine and the end of the Last Order, one could have argued peace was back. But it wasn’t. Even though the Empire was gone, many people in the galaxy still mourned the death of the old days. The dark side was still something that existed, and former warlords or stormtroopers were still wreaking havoc across the galaxy. The Resistance’s work wasn’t done yet. Maybe it never would. They weren’t at war anymore but their help was still required, and Coruscant had decided to treat them as an independent militia, much like it had been created to be years ago. It wasn’t rare to see the X-Wings roam across the galaxy, even though it wasn’t common to see them so far away from their nest. Now that the Republic had been reinstated, those who wanted to serve were welcome to do so as a peace-keeping group, which meant a lot less missions, a nicer life and way more war ships flying around.  
Since the battle of Exegol, a year ago, Y/N hadn’t seen the slightest tip of the infamous starbird-tagged ships. She didn’t particularly mind; she could live just fine without the Republic’s militia.  
But now that they were getting closer to the new base they had created so they could be closer to the capital planet... uneasiness was settling in the pit of her stomach. Her eyes twitched relentlessly, hand searching for the comforting metal butt of her blaster, smooth and rounded under her fingertips.  
But she didn’t have it. Skylen did. She cursed under her breath.  
The H/C felt naked without it.  
**“Buckle up. We’re landing.”**  
The warning was short and came a second before the Y-Wing took a dip, sensing Y/N deep back into her chair. She was quite used to violent flying movements but it didn’t mean they made her feel comfortable.

She had never been on Kuat before, but she had heard stories about it. The planet that used to be the siege of the Empire’s army. It seemed fitting now to have it as the Republic’s militia headquarters. It looked so peaceful. Stunning shades of green and blue twirled together on the surface, sea and land mixing together as they got closer and closer to the ground. It was a beautiful planet, fit for a nice life. Now that the Empire had fallen and wasn’t terrorizing civilians anymore, they could undoubtedly enjoy the natural beauty of their planet.  
Y/N wasn’t too upset about the change of scenery. She hummed to herself but the pilot heard her.  
**“Stunning, isn’t it?”  
“Yes,” **she simply answered when he tilted his head slightly toward her, the side of his orange visor coming to face her. It was indeed stunning.  
But then, they took a turn above the trees and the base came into view.  
It was massive, although it didn’t give off threatening vibes like the former Empire base used to, Y/N was sure of it. It felt... reassuring. The logo of the Resistance, and now the New Republic, the infamous Starbird, flaunted the flags that floated lazily in the wind.  
**“Green Leader coming in. Asking permission to land on deck four. Over.”  
_“Ground control speaking. Permission granted. Head for deck four, Green Leader. Over and out.”_**  
The familiar buzzing of the com link was heard and the pilot flicked some switches, expertly maneuvering his ship until the reactors turned and he lowered it to the ground. It hit it with a soft thud and a metallic clatter. A few seconds later, the engines were turned off and the ship stopped rumbling softly. The pilot took off his helmet and unbuckled his safety belt, standing up to face Y/N.  
**“Welcome to our HQ. Come on. Don’t be shy.”**  
She wasn’t shy, she was fucking terrified. Realization dawned on her as she looked through the window of the ship, seeing two mechanics approaching the arriving vehicles. She knew she had to get off. Gulping away her uneasiness, Y/N followed after the pilot, walking behind him with her eyes glazing over every detail.  
As the rest of the team she had met disembarked and more people piled into the hangar they had landed in, more eyes started following her as well. She stuck out like a Bantha, in her all-black outfit which clashed with the bright orange of the flying suits. Y/N was feeling incredibly out of place but she squared her shoulders and forced her chin to be held high as she followed her almost mute friend around. Don’t let them see how awkward you feel, they might suspect something.  
The pilot led her to Skylen, who had taken his helmet off too. He gave his friend a pat on the back and sent a brief nod in the woman’s direction.  
**“Flight went okay?”  
“Yes Sir,”**she answered automatically, before realizing how military she had sounded. She grimaced, but the man only snorted. It seems his wariness has worn off during the flight. Or, at least, his brashness, because she didn't have a blaster pointed at her this time.  
**“Nah, call me Skylen. Everyone does. Come on, Duckling, I gotta take you to the General.”**  
Duckling?  
Y/N frowned and stared at him but he was already walking away with his helmet under his arm. Her E/C eyes met the ones of the only woman on the squad and she gave her a warm smile.  
**“That’s Commander Lightring to you. He has pet names for everyone. You’ll get used to it. He doesn’t mean any harm.”**  
Sure. She could work with that. It was a nice change from the nicknames she had when she swung for the other team... they were slightly less endearing.  
**“I’m Lieutenant Klana, by the way. But you can call me Klan. Everyone does.”**  
The woman extended a hand for Y/N to take and the H/C shook it with a soft smile. She must have been around her age, with a kind smile etched on her face and bouncy, black curls flowing free from the ponytail they had originally been tied into. Her brown eyes were warm and kind.  
**“Y/N.”**  
Klana mouthed the name for herself before nodding toward her Commander.  
**“Alright, Y/N. Better follow that one or we will both get in trouble. But don’t worry, okay? You’ll be safe here. We look after one another. You’ll fit right in very soon. I know it can be a bit overwhelming to step inside a place like this one. I’ve been here before.”**  
Y/N wasn’t much of a talker but she appreciated what the other woman was doing a lot. She made her feel welcomed in such a foreign place and that wasn’t nothing.  
She had never felt welcome anywhere before. Nobody had bothered with warm greetings.  
The stares had become more numerous as they got closer to the entrance of the main building. Y/N did her best to ignore them but it wasn’t easy. She knew she was very obviously an intruder,e specially dressed like she was wgen everyone else was clad in orange jumpsuits. But the woman thought about Klana’s warm smile and it eased her worries a bit. They couldn’t know who she had been, so why be worried? 

The main base wasn’t as depressing and harsh as Y/N would have thought a military base would be. It was far from the white, spotless, cold hallways of the First Order she had once walked in. Warm light was casted on the grey walls from small lamps and the place was swarmed in plants. They decked the hallways and the ceilings. It gave them a jungle-y feeling. Small windows pierced the concrete here and there. It almost felt like an industrial living building... not what she had been expecting.  
As they got inside, they crossed paths with more people dressed in various uniforms and people stopped paying attention to her as much. Y/N was expecting the place to be packed, but she was quite surprised to see that it wasn’t. She had a feeling most of the people she saw had been around during the war. They were all ex-Resistance, keeping their job in a more normal setting.  
Y/N gulped.  
Just how many of them had she fought before...?  
She stared at the many faces she saw, trying to recognize them and at the same time dreading it would happen. Realizing who they were only made her feel even more of an intruder. Why had she accepted to come here? Why hadn’t she lied to Skylen? It would have been so easy to just say “oh yes, I have a home here” and stay on that shitty planet.  
But something inside of her had stirred when he had asked the question and she had found herself unable to lie.  
Probably the untamable wish to be useful.  
Or the wish for a better life. She wasn’t sure which one it was.  
Either way, she insulted it profusely. 

Skylen had turned around two times to check on Y/N. He seemed please to see she was following him, Klana by her side. Her new acquaintance had started to talk lowly under her breath, nodding left and right toward the various hallways they were passing.  
**“... This is region four. Probably where you’ll end up having your room.”**  
A confused glance had answered her and the woman had frowned.  
**“... You do know what a room is?”**  
Y/N had nodded. Of course she did.  
**“Yes. I do. It’s just... we get our own rooms?”**  
There was a hint of amazement and a lot of incredulity in her voice she cringed at. Klana stared at her speechless for a few seconds.  
**“You poor soul. What did you go through...?”**  
Hell would have been an accurate answer, albeit a scary one, so she kept quiet.  
She wasn’t sure she had ever had her own room before. Not once in her life. It was a surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one. Such accommodations were solely destined to be enjoyed by officers, at least in the First Order. The woman was quite sure there were too many soldiers to give them each a room. However, with the end of the war, it wasn’t rocket science to understand that a fair amount of the troops had gone home or just quit the Resistance. Who could blame them? Anyone would want some peace after the hellish years they had gone through.

More hallways were starting to merge together and Y/N realized they were getting closer to the center of the base, where the commanding room must have been located. It was obviously an old Empire compound organization-wise, and so far, she had been quite successful remembering where everything was. Apparently, Skylen had taken them on a grand tour because she was quite sure there was a faster way to get to the main room.  
**“That’s the place,”** the bearded man suddenly said, stopping in front of a door. Metallic, military grade. It didn’t open when they got closer, and Y/N realized that was because Skylen had made then stop right before they got too close to the captor.  
Smart man.  
**“Ready to get in? Don’t worry, they don’t bite on the first time.”**  
Well, that was a relief. The H/C gave him a curt nod, letting the humoristic comment slide, and the man smiled before walking straight into the room. Klana gently touched Y/N's elbow and the woman turned to the pilot.  
**“It’s gonna be okay.”**  
She went in after Skylen, leaving Y/N outside. The H/C breathed deeply and followed after them.

The room was stunning.  
A huge glass dome formed the ceiling, much like a glass bell protecting a frail flower. But instead of the beautiful scenery of Kuat, the glass was showcasing various dots, stars, paths. Blinking names. It was a map of the galaxy, showing everyone who was dispatched. Y/N felt like she was staring right at the starry sky. It was beautiful.  
With her trained eyes, she was quick to take notes of everything else she saw. The room was circular, about two hundred feet in diameter. Various communication devices flanked its sides and people were sitting behind them, furiously typing away or listening with their comm links. If you looked slightly more to the center of the room, ranks of screens with smaller maps were used. It was a circle within a circle, not entirely closed. The ground was made of cement, but a huge starbird had been painted and took half of the room at least. On the metallic pillars that supported the roof, Y/N could see various machines she didn’t recognize. Undoubtedly security related.  
And in front of the door they had just walked through, a huge table. Round with a hole in the middle, covered with various buttons and devices, it was projecting several pieces of information Y/N didn’t really care about. And standing in front of it was a man.  
It was obvious from the look the others were giving him that he was the General. From the way he held himself, he was... young.  
But she didn’t have time to ponder since Skylen spoke up.  
**“General Finn. Green Squadron reporting for duty. We’ve come back from mission on Arvala-7.”**  
The guy turned around.  
He was indeed very young. Around her age, without a doubt. Dark-skinned, with kind eyes and short, black hair. He acknowledged Skylen with a smile and a nod.  
**“Commander Lightring! Glad to see you back in one piece this time. Went well?”**  
Skylen nodded and absentmindedly stroked his coarse beard.  
**“As good as it could go. We blew up a half-abandoned place of the old Empire. There was a dozen men, not more. A few ran-down TIE. We encountered no resistance.”**  
He looked pretty pleased with himself and his team’s work in general. He could be; successful missions were often so at the price of several human lives. The fact that it wasn’t was good news. This seemed to get Finn’s attention. He frowned.  
**“Really? Poe was sure there’d be some.”** He muttered, more to himself than to his companions.  
Skylen gave a boisterous laugh.  
**“I’m sure there would have been, had they been free and not already busy hunting one of their stolen ship.”**  
Uh-oh. So that’s why they had been so angry? They thought she was a rebel?  
Well, shit. That was kriffing ironic.  
But she also realized instantly that since he was talking about her, he was gonna-  
A hard push against her back had Y/N tumbling forward. Skylen had hit her gently, pushing her toward Finn. Said man was looking at her with great curiosity.  
**“This one stole a TIE and they went after her. We found her with an almost dry tank. She had already busted down half of their fleet, we only had to pick up the scraps.”**  
At least he was modest. She did do most of the work.  
Finn studied her for a second before breaking into a warm smile and extending his hand for her to shake.  
**“That’s cool. What’s your name?”  
“Y/N.” **She answered without missing a beat, and it made him smile and his eyes tinkle in amusement as she shook hands with him. His palm was warm.  
**“Okay, Y/N, care to tell why you stole that ship in the first place?”**  
Oh, well. So much for not looking like an idiot. She grimaced and awkwardly rubbed the back of her head.  
**“Well. It was a stupid mission a stupid Twi’Lek gave me. The bastard forgot to mention the damn thing was still watched over. They almost blew my head off. I barely made it out alive, and I’d be dead if it weren’t for your men, General.”**  
That was the truth. She wasn’t stupid; she owed her life to the militia. Skylen chuckled.  
**“You were handling yourself pretty well before we arrived, Duckling. Took out three of these suckers by yourself. That’s neat work.”**  
Y/N shrugged. It wasn’t that impressive to her. Her over confidence had quickly vanished now that she was sure she’d live long enough to see someone knock her down a peg if she got too cocky. She wasn’t one to boast uselessly.  
**“It is indeed. That Twi’Lek did you dirty,”** Finn commented. Before she could stop herself, Y/N rolled her eyes and answered:  
**“Oh, he did. I’ll blow the sucker’s head off if I ever cross paths with him again.”**  
Finn snorted and Skylen bursted ouf laughing. Oops. She had just cursed like a droid in front of the General of the Resistance.  
**“That’s fair. So, wanna enroll, then? I promise, we don’t have any lying Twi’Leks among us. I assume if Skylen brought you here, it’s because you told him you wanted to come. I sure hope he didn’t kidnap you.”**  
Y/N chuckled slightly, her nerves dissipating. He was really nice. Definitely a nice change from the officers she was used to.  
**“I did. I do,”** she quickly corrected herself. **“If you’ll have me? I’m a decent pilot.”**  
Finn nodded thoughtfully. Y/N felt oddly scrutinized under his warm gaze. It was almost as if he were... looking for something.  
His gaze dropped slightly lower than her eyes, to her throat. What was he-  
**“What’s that around your neck? A necklace?”**  
How did he know about that?!  
Y/N's blood ran cold with apprehension and she instinctively raised her hand and pressed it against her jacket, feeling the piece of jewelry through the thin material of her shirt. It was hidden. He couldn’t see it. He shouldn’t have been able to know there was something underneath her shirt...  
All sense of relaxation disappeared from her body, pushed out by the innocent question. She was quite sure he didn’t mean no harm but it gave her a weird feeling...  
**“It was my mother’s. She gave it to me when I was a child, I assume.”**  
Finn frowned, obvious confusion showing in his dark eyes. But he wasn't looking at her with anything else but curiosity.  
**“You assume?”**  
Y/N gulped, feeling ill at ease. Why did it feel like she was being questioned?  
**“Yes, I... have no memories of my life before I was twenty-two.”**  
Finn mouthed an “O”.  
**“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. I just felt something. The need to ask about... never mind.”**  
He seemed genuinely embarrassed and Y/N smiled faintly. She was still feeling a bit weirded out, until Klana cleared her throat.  
**“General, allow me to give her a tour of the place? I can make her take the test run for the pilot job after she’s a bit rested. From what she told us, she was on that TIE for an hour. She must be starving and tired.”**  
Maker blessed this woman. Y/N loved her already. She shot the pilot a grateful glance and Klana winked subtly. Finn nodded, a warm smile spreading back on his face already. The guy was obviously a ball of energy.  
**“Oh, sure, sure. Poe wanted to host the tests tonight but I’m pretty sure he won’t be back in time from his run on Yavin IV. This man is always behind schedule, I swear.”** he finished with a groan.  
Skylen laughed at Finn’s annoyance. Y/N watched with great curiosity. She had instantly noticed the command chain was very different from what she had been used to. Flashbacks of her service came to her insidiously. The condescendance of the higher-graded soldiers. The humiliation. The fear and lack of respect.  
Nothing like it was here.  
**“Trouble in paradise, General?”** Skylen asked, and Finn waved his hand dismissively with an exaggerated eye roll.  
**“No, we’re good. I love Poe like a brother but the man pisses me off on a daily basis. If you think he is annoying to you, then you should try working with him twenty-four seven. I’m a patient guy, but his jokes will kill me. Or have me kill him. I don’t know yet.”**  
Y/N smiled slightly, feeling a bit more at ease for the first time since she has taken off in the TIE hours ago. Finn bid them adieu and walked away to tend to his duties, leaving silence in his path. The H/C could feel Skylen’s eyes burning a hole through her skull. His curiosity was almost palpable.  
As soon as the General was out of earshot, the pilot turned to their guest.  
**“So! That wasn’t so bad! I’ve seen grown men almost shit their pants when facing our leaders. You did good! You’ll fit right in. Now, Klan, I’m leaving you to it. I gotta take a shower. See you around, Duckling.”**  
He patted her shoulder and left. Klana called after him.  
**“Yes, please, you stink like a Wookiee!”**  
The man flipped her off and disappeared out of the room. Y/N could only notice the way they all seem to be so close to one another. It was... interesting.  
Also... had he just said “leaders”? As in more than one? 

This piece of information left a weird taste on her tongue. It was as if the use of the plural word had crystallized something in her mouth. Something that tasted like a bitter, old treat... one of her past. She could almost taste the memory. The words to describe it were metaphorically waiting on the tip of her tongue. Y/N could almost-  
**“Alright! Time to get out of here before the techies throw us out. Come on, Y/N, I’ll bring you to the cafeteria. You must be starving.”**  
Her stomach rumbled, effectively answering for her, and Klana chuckled. She was right; the H/C was hungry. Her last meal had been some diluted soup made of Maker knew what, with shapeless pieces of... something floating inside. Not exactly a filling meal.  
Back to the hallways they went, turning and turning and walking. Klana was chatting away, telling Y/N more about the base. The places she liked, the ones she couldn’t get to, what time were the meals at and tips and tricks to find her way in the facility. Y/N soaked in every piece of information like a sponge, nodding along when it was needed. She wasn’t talking much, out of fear, perhaps, of scaring her new companion away. Realizing that made her huff bitterly on the inside. Before the Empire, she was such a lively woman. She had been for a while with her fellow troopers, too. They weren’t as emotionless as everyone made them out to be. But then, the war had taken a toll on her. On everyone. Laughter couldn’t be heard anymore, even behind closed doors. It had been replaced by pain, suffering and wishful thinking.  
Violence, too.  
Memories of a man in a black mask flashed behind her eyes and she had to blink several times to dissipate them.  
**“Y/N? Are you okay?”**  
Klana’s soft voice brought her back and she looked up, her E/C eyes facing the woman’s brown orbs.  
**“Yes. Sorry. I was just thinking.”**  
If the pilot was intrigued, she didn’t show it. Instead, she merely nodded.  
**“Okay. Well, we’re here. I propose you grab something to eat quickly and I’ll have someone sort out your room in the meantime so you can take a nap before you head to the test, alright? Usually, we’d give you more time to recover, but you kind of arrived at a weird time and...”**  
She strained off, but Y/N cut her off by shaking her head.  
**“No, it’s okay, I get it. I’m actually glad to be jumping right into action. I’m not a sitting porg.”**  
Klana seemed satisfied with the answer and led the other woman to a spacious room with several metallic tables aligned in the middle. It was a standard cafeteria, even though the vegetation she had noticed before was still present on the walls and the ceilings were fairly high. It wasn’t very frequented at this time of the day. Only a couple of soldiers, either with their orange flying suits hanging nonchalantly around their waists or in uniforms they had popped open a couple of buttons on. They were chatting quietly and nobody seemed to pay attention to the newcomers.  
The pilot pat her new friend on the back and nodded toward the metallic counters behind which droids were stationed.  
**“Get some food. I’ll come back once I’ve got your situation taken care of.”**  
She disappeared through the door they had just come through and Y/N instantly fell incredibly alone. Standing in the middle of a room she didn’t know, without knowing anyone... she felt like an outsider. She was one, after all.  
Still, the woman had left the Empire years ago. She was their guest, Klana had assured, so no reasons to feel awkward, right? People wouldn’t mean her no harm. And they had been really friendly so far. No need to worry.  
With her chin held higher, she strolled across the room and walked to the droid cook. It was outside of the meals hours so there weren’t many items available, but the H/C didn’t care.  
**“Hello. Are these available?”** Y/N asked to the droid, a thin I-shaped tin can with glowing green eyes. It nodded.  
**“Yes. Chicken stew and broth. Nourishing.”**  
It dipped a spoon in a large cooker, taking out a spoonful of liquid. The droid poured it into a bowl without any delicacy, letting tiny droplets of soup splash around and add grease to the already sticky-looking counter.  
**“Here you go.”** The droid said in its metallic voice, pushing the bowl toward Y/N. It grabbed one of the bottle of water she had asked for was well and put it in the counter, slightly denting it with the force of its hand. The woman reached for her credits but the robot shook its head.  
**“No payment. Soldiers eat for free.”**  
Without moving its body, it turned its head and went back to work. Y/N threw a “thank you” at it but it never answered and she decided to go and sit in a corner, at a free table. The stew was lukewarm at best and obviously reheated but she ate the whole thing in five minutes tops, too eager to finally put something in her empty stomach to care about manners. Real food was rare. The bottle of water was drunk in record time too and the woman realized it was the first time in weeks she felt content. She was still hungry but it was better. She was grateful.  
Since Klana hadn’t returned yet, the H/C decided to do some people watching. She absentmindedly tied up her greasy strands of hair in a high ponytail, a hairdo she didn’t wear often since it wasn’t very suited for helmets. While her fingers were playing with her hair, she let her E/C eyes roam across the room. Most of the fighters were humans, but there were a few other species. Some she was used to, and some she wasn’t. They didn’t look exhausted or depressed. It was quite obvious the war was over. The atmosphere on the whole planet was different. It felt less suffocating and it showed on the troops.  
A sad smile made its way to her lips. She wished she could have been able to experience that earlier... but it didn’t do any good to dwell on the past. Her Empire days were behind her. Buried forever in her mind. Nobody would care, as long as she did her job, right?  
She now knew the reason why she has felt compelled to go with Skylen; the X-Wing he piloted has been her ticket for redemption. Maybe it was fate, or luck. Either way, Y/N was grateful to him, because he had given her a new start.

 **“So!”** Klana’s voice interrupted, making the woman’s head turn in her direction. She was walking fast toward the seated H/C, a holopad tucked under her arm.  
**“Good news! We have rooms available. Bad news is, it’s near the commanding wing so it’s quite far from the hangar and the rooms are smaller since officers’ quarters are bigger...”**  
She looked genuinely embarrassed and that baffled Y/N to no end.  
**“That is just perfect. I would sleep in a X-Wing if you asked me to, you know. Whatever you have is more than enough.”**  
Klana laughed and her curls bounced around her face.  
**“You’re very accommodating! Come with me, I’ll show you to your quarters. You can nap for two hours before it’s time for the tests.”**  
That sounded like heaven.  
The H/C happily followed her new friend through the variety of hallways. They all looked the same but she wasn’t worried; first, because they were numbered, and second, because she could find her way in the gigantic Empire ships so this would be a piece of cake.  
Klana was still babbling and Y/N found herself tuning the woman out. It wasn’t intentional, it just was a bit... overwhelming. She was used to silence and having to focus on another person was exhausting. She did try, though, because the pilot was so nice, she felt bad to not listen.  
**“We need to make a quick stop in the uniforms room. They need to scan you so they can get you some clothes. They’re standard fitting, but they’re nice. Oh, I almost forgot!”**  
She shoved her holopad in Y/N's hands. The H/C glanced at it; it had some basic information about her, like her height, hair color, first name, etc. She looked back at the woman, who gestured toward the device.  
**“Your ID file. It’s mandatory to fill it, you know, so we can give you access to the right places and have a proof that you joined willingly... after the whole enrollment process the Empire created, we’re careful...”**  
There was a certain tinge of sadness in her voice and Y/N wondered if she had lost people to her former employer. Probably. She knew the draft system all too well. As she stared at the screen, memories flashed behind her eyes. Screams. Wheezing sounds of blasters. Burned flesh. She shut her eyes for a few seconds and when she opened them again, she found Klana’s gaze on her, tinted with worry.  
**“Are you okay? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I always speak before I think, and I didn’t thought it could be a sensitive topic...”**  
She was genuinely embarrassed, and Y/N smiled.  
**“It’s okay. Not talking about it won’t make it disappear from my mind. It’s just... I have a common history with the Empire.”**  
Understatement of the century.  
Still, Klana didn’t insist and Y/N didn’t say much. Instead, she focused on the form and filled in the blanks. Her name, age, planet of origin. Her fingers made quick work of the questions, until-  
‘Former employment’.  
She stopped, index hovering over the screen. Her eyes were burning a hole in the two words as if they were responsible for her misfortune. She sighed and typed “pilot”. She had contemplated lying for a second, but then again... they would quickly find out she had some experience when they would see her during the test. She could only hope they wouldn’t push the matter any further... Y/N wanted a fresh start but she didn’t like to lie to the people who were nice to her either.  
Once she was done, she handed the holopad back to Klana and followed the woman once again. They were walking across the compound very quickly, zooming from one place to the other. As she has indicated, they made a pit stop so the tailors could scan her body, and they were on their way once again shortly after. They took some turns and a shirt while layer, Klana stopped.  
**“Okay! This is it.”**  
The door was similar to others they had walked past on their way here. The small screen by its side was already displaying her name, white letters softly glowing on the blue surface.

(Y). Thunderbird. 

It was a minute detail but it filled her chest with a warmth that quickly spread through her body. Her home. It was her home!  
Klana punched a code on the pad and the door opened with a pneumatic whoosh. It was a small space, three by three meters perhaps. A bed took most of the place, headboard propped against the left wall. In front of it, a dresser and some shelves. A huge screen took up the whole wall on the left side of the door, and it currently showed a peaceful forest. On the wall in front of the two women, a tiny window and some more shelves could be found, above a small desk and charging unit intended to welcome a droid. There was a door next to the bed which undoubtedly led to a bathroom.  
**“Welcome to your palace! Standard room, tinier than others as I mentioned. But it’s yours, you can do whatever you want with it. I’ll let you relax a bit and I’ll come and get you for the test run, okay?”**  
The test run... this got her to tense up, and it didn’t go unnoticed by the other woman. Klana smiled warmly and gave Y/N's shoulder a swift squeeze.  
**“Don’t be afraid! I’m sure you’ll do great.”**  
That was what she was worried about.  
Her concern was touching, but it was misplaced. Y/N wasn’t afraid to screw up, she was afraid to do too good. Of course, there was still the unknown variable of the X-Wing. She had never flown one before. They were notorious for their easy controls, yes, but the size, shape, behavior... that was different and it would take her some time to get used to.  
But her main worry was the test itself. She knew she was a good pilot. And the sort of skills she was able to showcase weren’t ones that could go by unnoticed... someone was bound to ask questions, and she wasn’t ready to answer yet. As selfish as it was, she wanted to enjoy the kindness for a bit longer, to bask into the welcoming atmosphere that would undoubtedly wear off eventually.

But she didn’t say anything to Klana, whose hand had doubt its way to Y/N's shoulder. Instead, she smiled.  
**“Thank you so much,”** she said genuinely, and the brunette waved dismissively.  
**“It’s nothing! Us girls need to stick together. I’d love to have you join our ranks. We could kick the men’s asses.”**  
Y/N laughed at that. She would love to.  
Klana left her in her room after showing her how to change the code and the door whooshed again, this time closing on the H/N. The test run was scheduled at five; it was three. She had indeed two hours for herself.  
She started by shrugging off her jacket and hung it on the desk chair. It was the only possession she ever had and the thing had seen better days. She had woken up on Tatooine with it years ago, and had hid it a day later, right before the stormtroopers stormed the house she had been living in. When she had finally managed to escape, she had gone back and found her jacket unharmed.  
Probably the first piece of good news she had ever had.  
It was sturdy, slightly too big but very resistant. Once upon a time, a patch had been attached to the left shoulder, and it had left a slight print on the smooth material from being there for so long. Y/N didn’t know where it came from but she knew it had meant a lot to her. She smiled fondly at the piece of clothing and proceeded to strip out of her dirty clothes. She found standard, white ones inside the top drawer. There were too big, but they would do. Taking the pajama set with her, she made her way to the bathroom. It was a tiny washing unit with a fresher and a small metallic shower that shot vivifying water sprays though the nozzles. It looked like a paint-stripper, but at least it would clean her off.  
Without as much as a second thought, Y/N stepped under the warm water, grimacing when the powerful jets hit her fresh wounds and bruises. But the pain quickly faded, replaced by an intense feeling of relaxation. The jets were massaging her achy muscles and it felt amazing.  
Head low, Y/N watched the grime and dirt disappear, washed off her body. The soap soon bubbled in the tiny cubicle and she felt clean for the first time in a long time. Every inch of her body was soft, clean and fresh. Even though the shower felt amazing, Y/N needed to rest. The massage had made her sleepy and she quickly turned the water off, silently thanking the Maker for allowing her to enjoy such luxuries. She felt unworthy but was so grateful. She had never experienced anything like that... at least, not that she remembered.  
Y/N tied her Y/N hair into two symmetrical braids that ran on both sides of her head, giving them a quick blow dry before slipping into the soft cotton ensemble. Her fingers ran delicately against the smooth fabric. This was... more than nice.  
The bed was wonderful. It was firm, maybe too much, but Y/N didn’t care. She hadn’t slept in a real bed in...  
She didn’t remember.  
She fell asleep the second her head touched the pillow. Even if she was in a unknown environment, even if her instinct was screaming for her to stay alert, the woman forced herself to relax. She was safe.  
She felt good for the first time in her life, and she wasn’t going to let her paranoia ruin that for her.

Unsurprisingly considering how bad her day had been, she slept like a log. When she awoke, taken away from her slumber by a rapid knock on her door, it took Y/N two seconds to remember where she was. Her heart jumped in her chest and she slid her hand under her pillow, reaching for her blaster, only to remember it had been taken away from her. Her erratic heartbeat slowed and she stood up, opening the door to face her visitor.  
**“Uniform delivery.”**  
The man, in his late forties, handed her a pile of clothes. Orange, shapeless.  
The pilots’ jumpsuit.  
A shapeless lump of cloth had never looked so appealing. **“If you’re selected, we will deliver more of them to your quarters. Good luck.”**  
He disappeared around the corner without adding anything else and Y/N quickly went back inside. The clock on the desk indicated that she needed to be on the airstrip in fifteen minutes.  
Realizing that made her square her shoulders, military rigor kicking in. In record time, she rummaged through the small pile of clothes and found fresh underwear she put on. Her jumpsuit followed, and when she turned to the big screen which was now a mirror, her heart skipped a beat.  
The black, bulky uniforms of TIE pilots were long gone. The jumpsuit sat at her waist, arms tied around her midsection like she had seen others do in the cafeteria earlier. She looked well-rested, her skin looked soft and her necklace was softly resting in the valley of her breasts, disappearing slightly under the neckline of her white tank top.  
She looked like another person. It made her smile involuntarily.  
She could get used to it. This was her chance to earn herself a new shot at life, and she would be damned if she missed it. 

She left her quarters and started walking back to the airfield she had landed on hours ago. It took some trial and error, but after a few minutes, she found other pilots with their helmets under their arms and she followed them. They didn’t seem to mind.  
**“You new?”** One of them asked, a bald man in his early thirties. Y/N nodded, and he laughed.  
**“Figured! Good luck out there, rookie. Make us proud.”**  
She would most definitely try.  
The H/N knew the guy was only trying to be encouraging, but hearing that people actually had expectations for her test run was... unnerving. She didn’t feel like she belonged yet, and being trusted again after being on her own for so long was a weird feeling. She would get used to it, undoubtedly: but for now, she was slightly overwhelmed.  
The pilots led her back to the landing strip she had left earlier, and more specifically in an area she hasn’t visited yet. It was a hangar, fairly big, with dozens of X-Wings parked next to one another. Metallic clatters of tools hitting scraps of steel, droids beeping and mechanics screwing tightly some bolts while humming or talking filled the air, complex music made with a plethora of instruments. The place was buzzing with activity, and it did nothing to calm down Y/N's nerves.  
She parted ways with her accidental escort and walked toward Skylen. The man stood near a ship, his beard sticking out of the crowd like a pink droid would. Klana was by his side and she smiled as she saw Y/N approaching. The woman smiled back and did what she usually did whenever she was about to get in her ship: she breathed deeply and busied her hands with her hair. With trained fingers, she tied her H/C strands into a low bun, the perfect hairdo to wear under a helmet without being disturbed by it. It took her years to master the exact height she needed to tie it to.

A couple of steps later and she reached the small group. Aside from Klana and Skylen, there were a couple other people. They were young, undoubtedly here to take the test as well. They looked positively terrified, which reassured the woman a bit. At least she had experience... She knew the nerves would settle down once she was in the cockpit. But until it happened, her heart would be pumping adrenaline into her whole body and she would be questioning her plan. Should she go all the way? Show off her skills? If she didn’t, she would end up in a team where she’d be bored very easily, and her talents would go to waste.  
But if she did, questions would be asked... the question was, what did she value the most? Her passion and the truth, or her safety and psychological well-being?  
She didn’t have time to think about it because Skylen gathered everyone around him with a loud “listen up, kids” that boomed across the hangar. Y/N stood at the back of the group, not ready to attract attention in her yet. Next to the bearded man, another pilot stood. Undoubtedly the guy in charge of the recruits.  
**“Welcome, all. As you know already, you’re about to take a flying test which will determine if you made it to the pilots’ ranks and if so, in which squad. Now, even though you all have experience with simulators and you’ve flown ships before, it doesn’t mean it will be easy. There’s a difference between simulation and real life. That’s why we’re going to simulate a real flight. If you’ll follow me...”**  
The group huddled closer to the man and he led them slightly away from the X-Wing, to a control unit with a screen on top. Blinking dots and green streaks formed the silhouette of the planet they were on.  
**“This is us. See the square here? That’s the base. Your mission is simple: fly to the moon here,”** he said, pointing to an unmoving dot, **“and come back as fast as possible.”**  
Seemed easy enough, which meant it was too good to be true.  
**“You’ll have to avoid asteroids and go through some loops in a specific order.”**  
Ah, here it was. The difficulty.  
None of them looked worried anymore and they were whispering among themselves. Y/N observed them in silence. They obviously didn’t understand the dangers of asteroids.  
**“Questions? No? Good. Prussia, you’re up first.”**  
A tiny woman made her way to the X-Wing, putting her helmet on her head. She sat down in the cockpit and the glass panel closed on her. A few moments later, the heat radiating from the reactors forced everyone to stand back as she took off.

It was a long wait. There was half a dozen candidates and each run took around four minutes. And that was without the time needed to board the ship and take off.  
Y/N was sat on a crate, her jumpsuit fastened perfectly and her helmet resting in her lap. She would be the last one to do the run. It didn’t matter anyway. Her heart was beating fast as she strategized mentally while observing her new comrades. They were all pretty decent pilots. They needed some work, sure, but they weren’t half bad. It would be trickier than-  
**“Y/N! You’re up next.”**  
Oh.  
She rose to her feet instantly, meeting Klana’s eyes as she walked toward the ship. The woman shot her a smile and raised both thumbs as Skylen winked. She couldn’t disappoint them. The H/N straightened her back and climbed in the ship.  
The X-Wing, much like the TIE she used to pilot, was small on the inside. Made to fit one person with a little room to move but that was it. The droid’s place was empty and-  
She blinked. Why did she feel like it shouldn’t be empty?  
Ah. Who cared.  
Sat in the leather, worn-out seat, Y/N looked around. The commands were almost identical to the ones she was used to. The joystick was bigger and felt heavier in her hand but she could get used to it. The mechanic asked her if she was ready and she nodded once, sliding her helmet on her head. It felt way more comfortable than her TIE one did...  
She barely heard the guy scream to her over the sound of her beating heart. The flesh-made pump felt like a wild animal trying to claw its way out. She was used to the feeling; pre-flight jitters.  
They vanished as soon as the cockpit closed.  
Her com link crackled and she listened carefully.  
**_“Okay, newbie. You’re good to go. The hangar is open and you’re clear for takeoff. Whenever you’re ready.”_**  
The H/N looked quickly to the side. Klana and Skylen were staring at her.  
With great precision, she turned on the engines, feeling the ship roar to life and purr, like a big cat ready to pounce on its prey.  
She breathed in, hands gripping the joystick. In her head, she was back to the battlefield with the others TIEs.  
She punched it and the ship zoomed forward at full speed, leaving a trail of dust behind it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do hope you enjoyed! Don't get mad at me if Poe doesn't pop up right away. I did mention it's going to be a slow burn, but don't worry, you'll have plenty of time with our favorite fly boy. Also, don't expect your typical "shy reader is a new pilot and falls for Poe". Nothing against those fics, but if you came here looking for that, then you're in for a surprise.  
> Kudos and comments are always much appreciated ♥


	2. They See Me Rollin'...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N gets to show what she is made of, you get to learn a bit more about her past... And she makes new friends, and new ennemies.

The pilot tilted the joystick back and the X-Wing took off, distancing itself from the ground as fast as possible. The first ring came into view and Y/N easily slid through it. She barely slowed down to look at her coordinates and pushed the ship forward again. It felt bulkier than her usual one but at the same time, more agile? Did that make sense? She could feel the weight distribution being slightly off and it would take some adaptation. But that was a concern for another day. She needed to bring her A game, because the asteroids field was coming right up.  
The flying rocks were fairly spaced out, enough to leave plenty of room for a ship to fly though if it came in relatively slowly.  
But Y/N wasn’t going to slow down.  
Her eyes expertly analyzed the most direct route through the damn thing and without a second thought, she hit full speed and went right through it.  
Her eyes were glued to the window and she moved the joystick around with a grace and an ease that was anything but accidental.  
To everyone watching, it was clear she was an experienced pilot. She had slightly forgotten about her predicament. And to be fair, the H/C didn’t care. Whenever she was flying, her self-confidence outshone the rest. Consequences be damned.  
As she got closer to the moon, the debris became closer to one another, forming a tight net. One almost hit her right side and the H/C had to spiral to avoid it, eyes blurring for a second. When she stabilized the ship again, she noticed she had lost some seconds. Damn it.  
With one last push of power, the X-Wing emerged from the field and Y/N took the tightest pin turn she could, brushing so close to the moon’s (which was technically a rock that couldn’t have been bigger than a middle-sized ship) surface she was sure to leave dust behind. She then took the way back and the crossing of the field was as eventful. Between the small rocks almost touching her and the time running out, Y/N knew she needed to kick it up.  
And that’s what she did.

She deactivated every single help from the ship and went to town. Her hands were tight on the black joystick as she swiftly evolved around the asteroids. She was talking the most direct trajectory she could, and it was proving to be the most difficult one. The flying rocks zoomed past her at an incredible speed. A couple more seconds and she would be fr-  
 **“KRIFF!”**  
She cursed and sent her ship spiraling to avoid one particularly nasty meeting with a big chunk of spatial rock. The G-force weighted on her like ten tons of concrete and it knocked the air out of her lungs as black dots clouded her vision. Finally, she emerged from the asteroids field and her blood pressure lowered. It had been a close call...  
But she felt great. It was exhilarating.  
Still, her run wasn’t done with and the adrenaline still pumped through her veins. She was getting closer to the surface of the planet. From then on, it was a straight path.  
 **“Time to see what you’ve got in that engine of yours, sweetheart,”** Y/N mumbled to the ship before pushing the joystick as far as she could. The engines roared (silently) to life and she closed on the ground at an astonishing speed. Right before she crashed, she tilted the thing back up and the nose of the ship tilted upwards, the G-force knocking the wind out of her. Y/N managed to stabilize the X-Wing and brought it parallel to the ground for a few seconds before slowing down violently as she got closer to the base. She landed her ship a few seconds later and killed the engines.

Her blood was flowing to her ears and she could only hear her heart beating as fast as her thoughts were racing through her head. The H/C took her helmet off, trying to catch her breath.  
She didn’t know what to think.  
The rumors were true - it was easy to get used to the commands of the infamous Resistance ship. She wasn’t completely satisfied with her run, but even if she didn’t make the cut, she had had a lot of fun. For the first time in forever, she had felt alive.  
Almost... happy, even.  
She opened the door of the cockpit and-  
Cheers erupted around her.  
It startled her. The woman looked around, finally noticing her surroundings again. Her ship was swarmed with her fellow test mates, as well as several other pilots and technicians. With a confused frown, Y/N climbed down the ship and landed with her two feet on the ground.  
She didn’t have time to take a single step forward that someone engulfed her in a bear hug.  
 **“Duckling! That was one hell of a run! I’ve never seen a test run that good!”**  
The woman blinked incredulously. Skylen pulled away, and she looked around. People were smiling, some of them were clapping or cheering. The bearded pilot was grinning and he clapped her back.  
 **“I don’t know who taught you to fly like that, but they deserve a raise. I was damn sure you’d get yourself blown up, but you crushed that test run. Kriff, I want to know your time. Come on.”**  
He led her back to the screen they had stared at earlier. Even though it was a fairly short walk, it took a full minute because people had taken it upon themselves to congratulate her. Y/N was in a daze. She untied her hair and loosened her suit in a vain attempt to relax, but her E/C eyes kept going from one person to the other. She was confused. Her heart knew what was going on, but her brain seemed unable to grasp the concept of success and to accept the fact that her talent was being recognized.  
Such a foreign feeling.  
The jumpsuit suddenly felt coarse on her skin. Ever since she had left the Order, her anxiety level went through the roof whenever she was in a big crowd, with people she didn’t know. It was even worse when she was the center of attention like she currently was.  
But she sucked it up, sending a polite smile in their direction while following Skylen closely. He elbowed his way through the crowd of overexcited pretenders and stepped to the side when he reached the guy in charge. The other pilot smiled softly at her.  
 **“What’s your name?”  
“Y/N.”** She said without missing a beat.  
 **“Well, Y/N. Your time is four minutes and five seconds,”** he announced with an unreadable face.  
Murmurs spread around her like wildfire and the H/C glanced around, unsure.  
 **“Is that... is that good?”**  
Skylen and him exchanged a look and the bearded pilot stepped forward.  
 **“It’s not good, Duckling. It’s the best test rookie run we’ve seen since Dameron.”**  
She had no idea who that was but she never got the chance to ask because a flurry of black locks engulfed her. The woman tilted her head to the side to avoid taking a mouthful of hair.  
 **“I’m so proud of you! That was awesome!”**  
The H/C patted awkwardly Klana’s shoulder and the pilot let her go. Congratulations were exchanged, tainted with disbelief and a hint of envy. The whole atmosphere had shifted for whatever reason and Y/N had a feeling she was to blame.

Skylen dispersed everyone rather quickly, telling them off while they talked among themselves regarding the results. The H/C was led away by her new friend and the two women sat on a pile of crates, legs dangling above the ground while they watched the crowd thicken. Y/N’s jumpsuit had been unfastened now that she was out of the ship and her eyes were attracted to said ship. She had ended up showing off, after all, and the weight of her decision was already crushing her lungs as anxiety settled in. People were asking questions, even if it was only with their eyes. It wouldn’t take long before someone voiced them.  
 **“Are you okay?”** Klana asked, effectively getting Y/N’s attention. The ex-trooper turned her E/C eyes to her and gave her a reassuring smile.  
 **“I’m okay. But have you ever... felt like you had made a mistake even though you had talked yourself out of doing it before?”**  
Klana smiled and squeezed her hand.  
 **“We all have. But I’d rather think of them as happy accidents.”**  
Such an optimistic vision she couldn’t bring herself to share. But Y/N did appreciate the effort. Even though she wasn’t a big fan of expressing her feelings, the woman felt the need to try. Firstly, because she was taking a new start and it was time to try and change her habits and secondly, because Klana had been nice enough to deserve it. She smiled tentatively.  
 **“Hey, thanks for being so nice to me. It’s... nice to have someone who cares.”**  
The pilot smiled sheepishly while the newcomer coughed awkwardly.  
 **“Aw, don’t mention it. I’m always happy to welcome new folks to the family. After what we all went through, we deserve a bit of kindness.”**  
That was very much true and much appreciated. They shared a moment of silence, reminiscing the cruelty they had both undoubtedly witnessed.

 **“ALRIGHT! Gather round, peeps!”**  
Skylen’s booming voice was heard again and they both jumped. The man was kriffing loud. Klana nudged her new friend.  
 **“Come on! They’re gonna announce the test results. You don’t wanna miss that!”**  
Of course, she didn't. They jumped off their makeshift chairs and got closer to the aspiring and old pilots. It looked like a lot of people had heard that it was time for the results and had gotten closer. The crowd was thick around the X-Wings, human faces mixed with more colorful ones, forming a uniform sea of orange jumpsuits and greasy streaks. Y/N was pushed forward and stood next to the other runners, hands behind her back. The guy from earlier (whose name she really needed to ask for) got up on a crate with a holo pad and shouted:  
 **“Folks! Results are in! Commander Lightring and I examined the results and will temporarily assign our newbies a squadron. If you didn’t make the cut, don’t worry, you’ll have time to train and retake the exam later. Now, please bear in mind these results need to be validated by General Dameron before you’re definitively assigned to your new fam. Okay, now, open your ears, I won’t repeat myself. Kropo, you’re joining Orange Squadron!”**

Thunderous applause erupted from the crowd as a Togruta was warmly greeted by her new flymates. Other names followed, some brought smiles, others brought defeated looks from the people who hadn’t made the cut. Y/N had gradually tuned out the sound of the crowd, only focusing on the Commander’s voice that was barely audible above her heartbeat. Never in her life had she felt so stressed out.  
 **“... and last but not least, our latest newcomer, freshly arrived earlier today, Y/N! Come forward, kiddo.”**  
She did was she was told, walking to stand in front of the pilot. He glanced down at her with a warm smile.  
 **“With the best test run I’ve seen in a long time, we had to assign you to the best of the best. I’ll have to personally see with the General, of course...”**  
At least she had made the cut! She was really happy. It didn’t matter what team she was a part of. The job was the same and she would be eager to fly all the same.  
 **“... but people, you’re looking at the newest recruit of the Blue Squadron!”**  
The crowd roared, clapped, cheered, as Y/N overwhelmingly glanced around. Her eyes fell on Skylen and she just have looked distraught enough to get him to get closer. He whispered:  
 **That’s the General’s squadron, the one he is commanding. They’re out on a mission, right now, but you’ll see him tonight. You did great, Duckling.”**  
Wow.  
Wow.  
That was unexpected. She smiled gratefully at Skylen, who shot her a wink, and breathed out a sigh of relief. Not only had she made it and earned her place, but she had actually escaped the questioning-  
 **“I do have to ask, kiddo,”** said the guy, interrupting her thoughts. **“Where did you learn to fly like that? That was no ordinary run. You obviously have a lot of experience, and I don’t think you served during the war.”**  
Oh, no.  
She had spoken too fast.

The crowd gathered around her suddenly felt like a grip tightening around her throat. She was standing alone in front of all of these curious eyes like a performer on a scene. She frantically looked for support, but her eyes only found unfamiliar faces. After a few seconds, she locked eyes with Klana, who just nodded in encouragement.  
You can do it, Y/N.  
She took a deep breath in and turned to the pilot, making a point to not scratch the back of her neck awkwardly. She didn’t want to show how out of lace she felt, not with so many people watching. His eyes were kind, with a hint of curiosity in them, but Y/N wasn't one to get fooled so easily.  
 **“Actually, I did fight during the war. I was... I served in the First Order. They kidnapped me and I joined as a TIE pilot before I could escape.”**  
She braced herself for the insults.  
She really did.  
Nothing came.  
A few grunts erupted and a few curses directed at the fallen order, but nobody seemed to even remotely care about her past job.  
 **“Ah, you were a bucket head! This explains it. You’re not alone, we have a few former pilots here. Can’t blame ya for being drafted.”**  
If it had been her style, she would have hugged him.  
The faces she had expected to see turn sour were nothing but empathetic. Y/N stared in awe at those people who had fought so hard her ex fellow pilots and didn’t look at her as an enemy. How forgiving were they? She had never expected that-  
 **“Wait. Hold on. What did you say your name was, again? Last name?”**

A voice had risen above the collective and incoherent mumbling. The crowd parted like the Red Sea and a pilot walked closer. In his late thirties, with jet black hair and the tiniest amount of facial hair, he walked with great confidence and a look of suspicion on his face.  
Y/N immediately prepared for the worst. Her brain went to fight mode and she stiffened slightly while ever-so-subtly spreading her legs to stand more sturdily.  
 **“I didn’t say,”** she simply answered, voice full of caution.  
The man crossed the remaining meters that separated him from her and stopped about two meters from the woman. His eyes were squinted in observation.  
 **“Care to share it with your new mates?”**  
The sarcasm didn’t go over her head and neither did his hearable animosity. Her heart missed a beat.  
She could lie, technically. Nobody would know except Finn and Klana and Skylen. But they would learn the truth sooner or later and connect the dots. Ripping the bandaid now would prove less painful in the long run, she knew it.  
And she didn’t want to lie in front of her new friend.  
So she squared her shoulders, looked the man in the eyes and answered with the steadiest voice she could muster despite her dry mouth:  
 **“Y/N Thunderbird.”**

It didn’t stir anything from the crowd who just watched in confusion.  
But the man furrowed his brow as he thought about it for a bit.  
Y/N’s blood ran cold.  
 **“I know that name.“** He mumbled to himself. **“Where did I-“**  
He knew.  
And she had confirmation when his face lit up in recognition, hardened, and then showed fury in a split second. Before anyone could react, he grabbed his blaster and aimed it right at her face.  
Oh.  
That wasn’t so nice.  
Y/N’s hand immediately went to her belt, only to find it void of any weapon.  
Damn Skylen.  
But said pilot took a step forward, coming to stand by Y/N’s side. That was a much appreciated gesture.  
 **“What the kriffing hell are you doing, Tarsen?!”** He all but growled, glaring at the other man who didn't even spare a glance in his direction.  
The woman supported her attacker's gaze and he didn’t lower his weapon. They both knew the truth.  
They soon wouldn’t be the only two who did.  
 **“I knew that name rang a bell. And now that you told us you were an imperial fighter? Hell, I know exactly who you are. And you have some nerves to show up here, trooper.”** He said, his voice full venom at this point.  
The confusion was palpable among the others. Even Skylen was looking between the two humans, evidently as lost as the rest of the bystanders. But he remained silent, letting Tarsen continue his little monologue. He was making a spectacle of it, really.  
 **“She’s not just a pilot. Don’t you know her name, huh? Shocker, considering how many of us she must have murdered.”**  
The sarcasm cut her deep. Ouch.

She internally winced and bit back a comeback. Behind her, Skylen sighed.  
 **“Whatever you wanna say, Commander, say it or shut the fuck up, but it better be important because if you’re waving that blaster at her for no reason, I’ll kick your ass myself.”**  
Y/N already loved him. She took a glance back and shot him a grateful look before turning back to the weapon rudely pointed at her face. The man sneered at his fellow pilot.  
 **“Oh, I’ll say it alright. Maybe the name Captain Thunderbird will ring a bell? Or CX6669.”  
** That triggered more whispers, and Y/N was faced with the sour faces she had been expected. A majority of them were still a mix of confusion, though.  
Not for long.  
The man almost gloated with the pride of his find as he finished his speech: **  
 **“She wasn’t just a pilot. This, my friends, is Captain Y/N Thunderbird, ex-leader of the 204th Imperial Fighter Wing and Kylo Ren’s personal bitch.”****

_Triggered._  
She broke her composure to glare at him and he glared back, though with a sadistic smile as people around them broke down in gasps and hushed whispers. Y/N painfully looked for Klana’s eyes again, but she couldn’t find her anymore.  
As expected.  
 **“Is it true, Duckling?”** Skylen’s voice asked. He sounded unsure and his doubt was mixed with something else she couldn’t identify.  
She turned to him and sighed. Her throat felt like sandpapers and she felt like getting the words out would tear it open as if she had swallowed glass.  
 **“Yes. It’s true. I was the leader of the 204th for a little over a year.”** Her voice was steady and she thanked the Force for that. How she had managed to appear calm like that, she didn’t know. Her entire body felt like it was on the verge of breaking down. Memories of her in her black suit worn by First Order’s officers flashed in her mind as she looked for disappointment and resentment in Skylen’s blue eyes. She found none. Apparently, he was also a great actor.  
 **“So that’s why you’re so good,”** he mumbled to himself.  
 **“And that’s why she shouldn’t be here but have her head on a pike!”** Tarsen roared. Y/N clenched her fists. Oh Hell no. Sure, she had been a trooper. Sure, she didn’t deserve their full trust yet and had to earn it. But he was humiliating her for something she had no control over and that wasn’t fair.  
 **“Because after all, a nobody who became an officer overnight must have sont something right. Like sucking off her superior and butchered our own soldiers.”** He finally added with a biting laugh.  
That was the last straw.  
 **“Fuck off.”**  
Her voice was calm and collected but her eyes were full of anger. Tarsen stopped looking at the crowd and his eyes went back to her.  
 **“Oh, she’s barking. Something you wanna say?”**  
He was taunting her and she knew it. The H/C was going to take the bait and shove it in his ass. Taking a deep breath in so she wouldn’t jump at his throat and tear it open with her teeth, she tried to keep an even voice as she replied.  
 **“Yes. You’re right. I was the enemy for a while. I didn’t go willingly. The First Order kidnapped me and enrolled me in the TIEs. I had no say in it. A few days after I woke up with no memories, they took me. I took the opportunity to fly to try and find answers about my past. And I definitely didn’t suck anyone off either. Ren made me Captain after a battle near Kashyyk. Never got to know why, didn’t ask either. How many of you had a relative who got drafted, huh? And how many of you had a say in it?”** She asked, accusingly.  
Some people lowered their heads and Y/N made a point to stare at them for a few seconds.

Tarsen huffed.  
 **“Oh, so we’re supposed to believe you and feel sorry for you? Think you were just a special snowflake who happened to be pretty enough for Ren’s taste? Bantha shit!”**  
Some people voiced their agreement and Y/N gritted her teeth. This was gonna be a long one. The H/C squared her shoulders.  
 **“No. But you’ve seen my test run today. You know I’m a good pilot. I blew up the admiral ship on Kashyyk and that’s why Ren got interested in me. Believe me, or don’t. It’s fine. I also know I deserted, so don’t make the enemy of me. I hate them as much as you do.”**  
Oh, maybe even more than he did. After what they did to her…  
 **“And yet you served them for a long time,”** the pilot answered immediately. **“Your name was known and associated to the bucket heads for a while. Don’t try and deny it. You’re not one of us. You’re a criminal who got caught on the wrong side of the war when it ended and now, you’re trying to weasel your way in and lay low so people forget about the side you fought for. I won’t. I haven’t.”**  
He was rallying more and more people to his cause. And the damn blaster was still pointed in her face. She clenched her jaw. Could he aim at something else?  
 **“I’m pretty sure your test run was luck. I don’t buy that shit. The Kashyyk shot was one in a million. There’s only three people I can name on the top of my head who could have made it and they’re almost all dead. You’re not on the list. You wouldn’t even make top fifty.”**  
Ah, here it was. An asshole through and through.  
She took a step forward, purposely defying his threatening weapon and his hand tightened on the blaster. Y/N looked past him and to the crowd.  
 **“You said earlier that a lot of you were in the Order at some point. And yet, I don’t see a blaster pointed at you. What’s the difference, huh? Just because I was in the 204th, it means I can’t have been a war casualty like you? You think you’re better than them, and yet here you are, judging me for being part of something I never asked for instead of judging me solely on my skills.”**  
He laughed grimly, blaster wavering slightly. Tarsen shook his head, amused, and said:  
 **“Oh yeah, we all know what kind of skills.”**  
A few laughs rose from the crowd and Y/N rolled her eyes. Misogynistic pig. She didn’t snap at him, though. She had seen worse. With a hardened gaze, she answered sweetly:  
 **“I’ll let my piloting skills speak for me, _Commander_.”**  
The title tasted like an insult on her tongue. He probably felt it and snorted depreciatingly.  
 **“You’re awfully full of yourself.”**  
Was she?  
No. She wasn’t at all. Quite the contrary, actually, but now wasn’t the time to show her self-confidence issues. Instead, with all the fake confidence she could muster, she shrugged and answered:  
 **“No. I’m just that good. I’m not seeking your approval or your friendship. I’m here to help by doing my job. All I want is the opportunity to be judged on my skills only. Not your biased opinion of me. You want a chance to destroy me? I challenge you to a fly off.”** She spat provocatively.

And that rattled them all.  
He finally lowered his gun and crossed the remaining distance, standing right in front of her. He was taller than she was and looked down on her, his chest almost touching hers. Y/N glared back but didn’t budge.  
 **“You think you can take me? I’ve been flying X-Wings since before you were born, trooper. You don’t stand a chance against me.”**  
Oh, cocky, and not the pretty kind. She snorted out loud purposely and shot him a look of disdain, looking him up and down. She took a step forward until their chests brushed against one another. Y/N was no longer faking it. The new pilot had a burst of confidence. She was done with the men (and women, really) who thought they could walk all over her.  
 **“Oh yeah? Prove it. You and me, we race it out. When I win, you shut the fuck up and leave me alone.”**  
The crowd whispered a bit more loudly and uneasy glances were shared. Tarsen laughed humorlessly, eying the audience with unimpressed eyes. It was clear from everyone’s reaction they didn’t believe she could beat him, and he shared the sentiment.  
Oh, how sweet the taste of victory would be.  
 **“When I win, you leave and never come back.”**  
Deal.

She simply nodded but the H/C didn’t break eye contact. The silence around then was now deafening, until Skylen — bless his heart — interrupted it.  
 **“Not that this pissing contest isn’t interesting but this fly off of yours will have to wait. You have a mission to go to, Tarsen. Move your ass.”**  
The pilot huffed and glared at the bearded man before turning his brown gaze on Y/N again. He poked her shoulder with his index finger as he said:  
 **“When I come back, I’ll gladly take you down.”**  
She knew it was childish, but Y/N couldn’t help but to answer with:  
 **“Leaving already? You talk Bantha shit about my skills and then run away? Looks like someone is scared.”**

By then, she had obviously earned the support of a few soldiers who went “oof” as she talked back to him. Tarsen huffed and sneered.  
 **“I have work to do. If you’re lucky enough, you might be sent on a mission one day. But a word of advice, trooper. Be careful, out there... I heard friendly fire is quite common these days. We wouldn’t want you disappearing so unfortunately.”**  
He took a step back and spat on the ground, ending his little sarcastic speech of his with great class.  
 **“Is that at threat?”** Y/N asked matter-of-factly, and Tarsen smiled innocently.  
 **“No, it’s a nice warning. I wouldn’t want you dead before I get the chance to wipe the floor with you, now, would I?”**  
The bastard.

He sent her a cheeky smile she didn’t react to and glared all the way back. As he turned around to talk to his squad members, Y/N felt the urge to add something. Again, probably a bad idea, and again, she didn't really care.  
 **“Commander?”** She found herself saying, unable to stop the taunt that was about to leave her mouth, laced with sarcasm and provocation. The man stopped and turned, eyebrow raised.  
 **“Have a safe mission. But be careful, out there,”** she said in a voice dripping with honey to the point it was sickeningly obvious she was being sarcastic. **“I heard friendly fire has been quite common recently. We wouldn’t want you disappearing so unfortunately, would we?”**  
She heard a distinct gasp behind her and murmurs.  
 **“You little b-“**  
His voice was but a hiss and he had made a step forward, hand on his blaster, but one of his pilots stopped him with a hand on his chest. He mumbled something on the Commander’s ear and the man set his jaw but didn’t go any further.  
Y/N was still standing her ground, chin held high and back straight. She wasn’t fighting for her ego; she was fighting for respect. She had fought tooth and nails to be respected among the ranks of the First Order. She would do the same here if she had to.  
 **“Watch our for yourself, Trooper. Once I get back from my mission, I’ll crush you.”  
“What on Coruscant is going on?!”**

A booming voice she recognized as Finn’s echoed as the man walked forward. He stared in disbelief at his pilot.  
 **“What are you still doing here, Tarsen? You were supposed to leave five minutes ago. Poe himself assigned you that mission. Should I tell him he needs to put someone else on the job? Because I’m sure he won’t be happy if he finds out you’re bailing on us.”**  
The pilot growled a “no, sir,” and with one last glare in Y/N’s direction, he walked away with his unit.  
The H/C exhaled softly, relaxing her fists. Around her, people had scrambled away, going back to work, probably to avoid Finn’s ire. The man turned to Y/N.  
 **“Care to tell me what’s going on?”** He asked with more curiosity than annoyance in his voice. The woman sighed.  
 **“I’m sorry, General. It’s my fault. I should have been open about it from the start-“**  
Finn laughed.  
Wait. What?  
 **“Whatever happened, I doubt it’s your fault. Tarsen is... in the words of Poe, he is an asshole.”**  
She couldn’t help it.  
She snorted.  
Finn shook his head with a small chuckle and nodded toward the building.  
 **“Walk with me for a bit? You can tell me on the way back. Dinner is served, and I bet you’re starving.”**  
Oh, she was.

He gently put a hand on her back to lead her away but before they could go far, Skylen coughed. Both of them turned toward the bearded man, who looked rather uncomfortable.  
 **“General. If you allow it, I need to say something. Tarsen went way too far. Y/N only defended her honor. It’s not her fault.”**  
Finn only smiled and started walking again. The H/C glanced back, mouthed a “thank you” to her bearded comrade and he nodded in return before the General and the new pilot reached the door of the compound, effectively leaving the airfield once the pneumatic whoosh was heard and it closed behind them.

The walk was silent. Now that everyone had been dismissed and the show was over, there were less people in the hallways. Finn and Y/N walked side by side and the H/C had no idea where they were going. She didn’t know her way around the base yet and was only following him, feeling like a lost puppy. The silence clung stubbornly to the air around them, and although it didn’t feel like the calm before the storm, Y/N couldn’t help but stay on guard. She had been proven wrong once before and wasn’t so keen on going through the experience again.  
She dared to spare a glance at Finn. He didn’t seem angry or even annoyed. Y/N already liked him. He was so nice and carefree. That’s why she had such a weight on her chest. She was afraid of what he would say when he would know... would he hate her like Tarsen did? He was one of the only people who weren’t disgusted by her presence yet. She didn’t want that to change, but she knew she had to tell him what had happened. He would find out soon enough anyway... it was better if it came from her. This way, the woman could give him her version of the events before Tarsen beat her to it and twisted her words against her.  
But she wasn’t going to speak first. That was a habit that stuck from her time in the First Order, undoubtedly. Finn finally slowed down and turned to her. The woman tensed, and she was quite sure he had noticed but was nice enough not to say anything.  
 **“Care to tell me what happened back there?”**

Here they were. She sighed but didn’t look away from the general’s curious gaze. Don’t break eye contact, or they’ll have your head. His voice was soft and not even a tiny bit angry, but still.  
 **“I had just finished my test run and the results were in. The Commander told me I made Blue Squadron, and the second best time run they’ve seen. They were complimenting my skills when he asked me where I learned to fly. I told them, and Tarsen... Well, he recognized my name.”**  
Look what her honesty had brought her, huh. Y/N gave a small shrug.  
 **“I... I just... I guess knowing where I come from didn’t sit well with him. I was... in the First Order. I was forced to enroll. Got a job as a TIE pilot. In the 204th.”**  
Finn stopped dead in his tracks and turned to her. That was it. He was going to lash out like-  
 **“Kriff! Me too! I mean, I was on the same star destroyer as you! I can’t believe it. I knew you looked familiar!”** He added, chuckling to himself and seeming really proud to remember.  
Wait, what?

It was Y/N’s turn to stare at him in disbelief, her E/C eyes fixing his brown ones, a look of confusion etched on her face and both eyebrows furrowed. Finn laughed.  
 **“I was a stormtrooper. That’s how I joined the Resistance, actually. I helped Poe escape Ren and we’ve been friends ever since. Long story.”**  
He shook his head, clearly amused. That was not the reaction she had been expecting.  
 **“Funny coincidence. You must have been one hell of a pilot to be in the 204th. Those guys were good. And I guess, girls, too. Or women.”**  
He wasn’t angry. He was actually acknowledging her skills without making her feel bad about how she got them. If she was the type to be emotional, Y/N would be beaming. She wouldn’t, but instead, she found herself genuinely smiling, trying hard not to break into. Childish grin.  
 **“I guess. I was their leader for a while before I escaped.”**  
Finn patted her shoulder and gave her a hum of what she assumed was recognition.  
 **“Oh, now I know who you are. People were pissed to see a newbie go up the ladder so fast. You definitely deserved it, though.”**  
Oh, yeah, she knew they were angry. Not that it was her fault, really. He paused for a second, looked at her in silence and chuckled softly.  
 **“You’re gonna get along with Poe just fine. Having some competition will be healthy for him. If his ego was bigger, we’d need to break some walls down so he could get through the doors.”**

Y/N was curious. She had heard that name several time that day, but couldn’t put a face on it. She had gathered that he was the second General of the base, but where was he?  
 **“Who is Poe?”** She asked, curiosity taking over her manners, and Finn smiled. It was very obvious he was fond of the man.  
 **“Dameron. Best pilot in the whole galaxy. You’ll see him soon enough, he was on a mission on Yavin IV, he should be landing... right nooow,”** he said, looking at his wrist comm while dragging off the word. **“I gotta go and debrief with him. You go ahead and have a plate of meat for me, alright?”**  
She nodded and he patted her back.  
 **“Oh, and Y/N? Don’t pay attention to people like Tarsen. He was rude to me too when I first joined. Doesn’t like ex troopers. But as long as you’re doing your job, we don’t care where you’re from, okay? For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re here with us.”**  
With one last smile, he walked away, leaving the H/C behind with a warm feeling in her chest.  
It was worth so much.  
If at least one person believed she belonged here, then it was one more person who had faith in her than it was the day before. And she had a reason to stay.

She couldn’t hide the smile that bloomed on her lips. The encounter with Tarsen had killed her good mood but Finn has rekindled it a bit. Now, she just had to make it through a meal in the crowded cafeteria.  
That was something else. She felt like skipping dinner, but she was too hungry and she had told Finn she would eat. Also, she couldn’t avoid them forever. That wasn’t who she was.  
With a sigh, she made her way toward her room to drop her helmet, making sure to keep a low profile. The last thing she wanted was to have another confrontation before she had at least filled her stomach a bit. She was very grumpy when she was hungry and that was not a sight for sore eyes, and definitely not something she would like to show the others.  
As she got closer to the cafeteria, she could hear the growing sound of voices, sounding indistinct. It was a cacophony of laughter, screams, hushed whispers and friendly banter. It only grew louder as she got closer. The hallway that led to it was fairly empty, save from a few droids and one or two people who were barely paying attention to their surroundings, eyes glued to their data pads. Great, she couldn’t really sneak in a group and lay low.  
Oh, well. When on Kuat...  
Head held high, she walked in the room. It was packed. Y/N was sure the majority of the base was present. She mentally groaned.  
Just like she had been expecting, she drew attention on her unwillingly and the room quieted down a bit. People stared shamelessly, whispering, nodding toward her. Apparently, gossip spread like wildfire. The woman sighed. It wasn’t going to be easy.  
Ignoring the rude stares, she made her way toward the line that had formed in front of the counters. But as she went to grab a trail, someone rammed into her shoulder and almost knocked her off balance. She immediately regained her footing by spreading her legs slightly and her fists curled up for a second before her brain acknowledges that there was no immediate threat. Only one stupid guy.  
 **“Watch where you’re going, Trooper,”** he all but growled, and Y/N scoffed. She stared him down silently even though he was at least thirty centimeters taller than she was. Without even flinching, she reached past him, purposely coming closer to him, close enough to have her arm brush against his, before grabbing the trail and walking away. The altercation had drawn the attention of more people if that was possible. She now felt terribly self-conscious in her bright orange suit. Even though a great part of the soldiers were wearing the same thing, it wasn’t exactly a discreet outfit and Y/N felt like she was standing out even more.  
 **“Hello again.”**

She jumped a bit, realizing she had absentmindedly walked forward until she came to face the droid again. Its pincers clicked as its metallic voice rang. It was the most artificial thing, but it sounded like the most friendly voice at the moment.  
 **“Hey. Can I get some chicken, please?”**  
She handed it her plate and the droid expertly filled it with a plate full of chicken with sauce, mashed potatoes and veggies, handling the spoons with its three arms with an admirable accuracy.  
That was heaven.  
The H/C thanked it even though she wasn’t so sure it understood and quickly cleared the line. The last thing she wanted was to be knocked over with her food in her hands. This was not something she would give them the pleasure to do, and brown sauce was a bitch to get out of your clothes.  
Her eyes roamed quietly across the room until she found a small table that was miraculously unoccupied. Her first stroke of luck of the day. She beelined toward it and sat down quietly, eager to dig into her food. The mere fact that she had meat on her plate was enough to bring a smile back to her face.  
The newly appointed pilot dug in, moaning softly as the rich flavor of the chicken met her tongue. It was divine to her.

She was halfway through the plate when a sharp sound made her jump. She looked up, only to see Klana with her own trail set in front of her. The black-haired woman didn’t say anything for a few seconds, before softly asking:  
 **“Is this seat taken?”**  
She knew very well it wasn’t. Y/N put her fork down and gave her a sorry look.  
 **“No, but you don’t want to sit here. Really.”**  
Klana made a face and sat down nonetheless, putting one leg then the other on her side of the metallic bench. People looked her way and some of them scoffed.  
 **“Why?”**  
She sounded genuinely curious but Y/N knew it was just an act to get her to talk. She licked her lips.  
 **“Because I’m bad company. You were there, you heard-“  
“Oh, we all did.”**  
The booming voice of Skylen made her head snap to the side. The bearded pilot was standing next to her, behind her own bench. Y/N frowned and looked him up and down, even though she did so without any condescending intent.  
 **“What are you doing?”  
“Right now? I’m about to destroy that plate of chicken.”**  
The H/C scoffed but couldn’t help the slight smile that crept on her face. He had a great sense of humor and they would get along well, she could tell.  
 **“You shouldn’t be here.”**  
Skylen groaned and slammed the trail on the table hard enough to cause the sauce to splash a bit. Klana deadpanned and let out a heavy sigh at the strength used, shooting a sorry look to the poor chicken.  
 **“Aw. You’re not happy to see me? I’m hurt.”** He said in a whiny voice, pouting like a child. That was definitely an unexpected look for someone as impressive as him.  
The idiot. Y/N rolled her eyes and Skylen snorted.  
 **“Why shouldn’t we sit down and enjoy the food with you, huh?”**  
Come on, were they all going to play dumb? Y/N grumbled. Feelings were not her thing.  
 **“Because everyone’s staring. You don’t want to be associated with me until it blows over. You’ve been nothing but nice to me. I really don’t want you two to become the black sheep of the Resistance because you’re hanging out with an ex Imperial officer.”**  
Her voice had quieted down for the last part. Skylen and Klana exchanged a glance and the pilot leaned across the table, taking Y/N’s hand into hers. **“We don’t care, Y/N. I told you. Everyone has a story.”**

Skylen clapped on her back and the woman raised both her eyebrows at him in confusion. She opened her mouth to argue put he raised a finger to silence her, and like the obedient soldier she used to be and would soon be expected to be again, she shut up. Skylen leaned forward, forearm resting against the side of the table as he held her gaze with his blue one.  
 **”Listen, Duckling. You could be kriffin’ Darth Vader with boobs, I wouldn’t give a Bantha’s shit. I don’t care where you come from. As long as you’re pulling your own weight, you’re good in my books, alright? We all did some pretty shitty stuff in our lives. Sure, your shit might be worse than most of our’s. But shit stinks all the same. People who tell you otherwise are a whole lotta hypocrites. And if someone has a problem with me saying that, they can all go and KISS MY PRETTY ASS.“** he said, raising his voice for the last sentence so anyone within a ten meters radius could hear him loud and clear. The faintest hint of a smile graced Y/N’s features as Skylen sat down next to her as people adverted their eyes, suddenly making sure they were not staring at her.  
 **“Now, move your ass, lady, make some room for me and my royal rear.”**  
She scooted over, giving him some room to sit on the bench, and the three of them happily dug in.

As surprising as it was, the meal was pleasant. After Skylen’s angry comment, people had seemingly lost their interest in her for the moment and the three pilots were free to act like normal members. Skylen was goofy and loud and Klana usually only reacted by rolling her eyes at his antics even though she had the tiniest hint of a smile on her lips. It was obvious the two of them were very good friends, and both were extroverts. Skylen was making most of the conversation, though, in-between stuffing his face with huge bites of chicken - he wasn’t kidding when he had said he would destroy the poor thing.  
 **“We’ve got two leaders; Finn, you met earlier. Real nice guy. Ex Trooper like you, funny as heck and quick on his feet. A real good shot, too. Impressive, considering how kriffing bad the stormtroopers were,“** he added with a snort, shaking his head while diving into the chicken again.  
That was… fairly accurate. Y/N chuckled.  
 **“Oh, yeah. Trust me, I’d know. I used to have shooting contests with them. We were betting dessert rations.“**  
Klana laughed, her face bright with amusement.  
 **“And how did that go?“**  
Y/N took a bite of the apple on her tray, enjoying the crunchiness of the fruit, before chuckling.  
 **“About as bad as you’d expect it to go. I won every single time, and I’m not even that great of a shot, at least not with a blaster.“**  
She turned to the side and, with her left hand, tugged down at the part of the tank top that was located right under her right armpit. On that particular spot of skin, a burn mark served as the proof of what had happened.  
 **“That’s a blaster wound. One of them missed so bad he almost blew me up on the spot. Hux was pissed.“**  
Both pilots bursted out laughing. Y/N smiled. It was nice to have a normal discussion. She hadn’t talked about herself in a long time.  
 **“I would have loved to see that. You know, something pretty similar happened to me when I joined the Resistance back in the day.“**  
He went on with his story, proceeding to tell the two women how he had mistakenly walked around the shooting range and had almost gotten his head blown off. The story was very detailed, and Skylen’s gestures gave it an even funnier flavor. Y/N’s ribs were hurting from laughing that much.

Satisfied with how he had ended his little story time, Skylen shook his head and rubbed his beard, thoughtful.  
 **“Man, that was a while ago, I feel old,“** he muttered, and Klana took the opportunity.  
 **“You ARE old, Skylen. You’re turning thirty next month-“  
“Oh, you Rancor!“**  
Their bickering went on for a little bit and Skylen even threw a green pea at Klana, who caught it in her mouth before sticking her tongue out. Y/N watched in silence with a smile on her face. She had never felt more relaxed, at least not for years.  
 **“Anyway. As I was saying before being so rudely interrupted,“** the bearded pilot said, glaring at his companion, **“We’ve got two leaders. Finn, and Poe. Poe Dameron. The Galaxy’s best star pilot. Cocky bastard, but he’s got the skills to be. He can fly anything, I’ve seen it myself. Really nice guy, too. Friendly with everyone on the base, and he knows us all by name. He was appointed General by Leia herself.“**  
Y/N blinked. She felt like she had just been punched.  
Leia.  
Leia… Why did she know that name?

  
Oh, right. She knew why. She was Kylo’s mother. Leia Organa, illustrious leader of the Resistance and a royal pain in the ass of the First Order. Hux had mentioned her several times…  
 **“You’ll meet him soon enough, since he is your new officer. Man, you really blew the test run out of the water. He’s gonna like you, or absolutely hate you for coming after his records.“**  
Klana rolled her eyes and smacked the man’s arm with the back of her fork.  
 **“Shut up. Poe isn’t physically able to hate anyone. Have you met the guy? He is a softy. Sarcastic, but so nice.“**  
Well, that was reassuring. Y/N didn’t want to go after anyone’s records. And she did NOT want to piss the General off. She had had her fair share of disputes with the commanding chain, and it usually had ended fairly badly for her. She had scars to make her point should anyone ask.  
 **“Can you tell me more about the Blue Squad?“** She asked, and Klana nodded.  
“Before the end of the war, them and Red Squadron were tasked to protect the base. They were both led by Black Leader, Commander Poe Dameron. After the fall of the Last Order, though, he reshuffled things a bit. Doesn’t like being a sitting porg, so he tries to go out on missions as often as he can. Red Squad is the main line of defense around the base, but Blue Squad and Green Squad are sent across the Galaxy. They want the people to see that the new leaders aren’t hiding behind their men.“  
Honorable. Y/N had to agree; exposing himself like that was dangerous, but a pilot couldn’t be chained to the ground. He would go mad, she was sure of it. The call of the stars was too much to resist.  
 **“That’s right!“ Skylen added, giving her a strong pat on the back. “You and us, we’re gonna see each other a lot more, Duckling!“**  
Y/N rolled her eyes playfully.  
 **“Crap, and here I was thinking I could finally get rid of you.“**

Klana bursted out laughing and her Commander stared playfully at her, mouth agape in feigned shock.  
 **“How dare you!“**  
They all laughed wholeheartedly and the rest of the meal went the exact same way, with the three of them exchanging small stories and good laughs. The altercation had slipped from everyone’s mind, and Y/N was grateful her two new friends weren’t being too nosy about her time as a TIE pilot. She knew they would ask, eventually, but right now, they were doing everything they could to put her at ease.  
That was the nicest sentiment she had been graced with. As the two bickered once more (a story of who shot first she didn’t fully grasp), she took a second to watch them both. It was evident the war had left its mark on them. Skylen had a deep gash that had badly healed above his left eyebrow and Y/N hadn’t missed the way Klana self-consciously held her right arm against her, palm turned toward her body, whenever she was standing. There was a bad scar running across her whole forearm. They also both had the eyes of people who had seen too much. Sometimes, when one of them was telling a story, the other would stare into the distance, eyes fixated on nothing in particular but mind focused on a particular memory.  
Y/N imagined she had the same look.  
But it didn’t stop either of them from being silly, funny, and welcoming. The mental wounds would heal, one day. They just needed time and good company.

The cafeteria was becoming gradually empty as people went back to work. Both of the Green squad members bid Y/N adieu as they got up.  
 **“We’ve got work to do, that’s where we part ways, Duckling. I have newbies to teach emergency X-Wing fixing to, and Klan’s got a date with the shooting range. If you’re lucky enough, you’ll see us soon, though.“**  
The H/C snorted.  
 **“What, in my nightmares?“**  
Skylen rolled his eyes and playfully hit her shoulder.  
 **“You Rancor. This big mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble.“** He groaned, only half-jokingly.  
Oh, she already knew that. She involuntarily flinched as she recalled what had happened the last time she had been a sarcastic ass. The burning pain she had felt afterward was literally engraved in her brain.  
If any of them noticed her sudden pained look, they didn’t say anything. The three pilots put their trails away and Klana turned to the H/C woman.  
 **“Oh, by the way, you need to go and pick up your data pad and wrist communicator from the tech H.Q. It’s four hallways down, then to the right, past region two. Can’t miss it, people are usually yelling in there.“**  
Well, that was reassuring. What on Coruscant was going on in that department for them to be yelling…? Back on the star destroyer she called home, Kylo was usually the angry one, yelling at the troopers so they would work faster on the new weapons the Supreme Leader had commissioned. But here…?

  
She didn’t dare to ask and simply nodded as he walked away, waving. Klana stayed a bit longer.  
 **“Hey. You did good, today, Y/N. I told you you would make it,“** the woman added with a soft smile. The newbie smiled back, and Skylen called her from across the room.  
 **“Don’t be too nice to her or she’ll get cocky, Klan'! Now get your ass over here, race you to the airstrip!“**  
They both disappeared, running away in a fit of giggles. How could two grown adults act like such children? It was a wonder they got anything done!  
She still couldn’t push away the smile she had on her face as she put her hands in her pockets and started walking toward her destination. The hallways were more crowded, now, but she didn’t mind as much as she had earlier. Skylen and Klana had made her feel welcomed, and Finn had made her feel trusted. Her stomach was full, she had a roof over her head.  
Y/N had never felt more grateful.  
She was convinced, now more than ever before, that this was her shot at turning over a new leaf. Making a name for herself that wasn’t deeply liked to the ever haunting shadow of the First Order. She shivered. Now was not the time to think about them. They were her past. The Resistance was her future.

As she turned around a corner, she was faced with a hord — there was no better way to describe it — of technicians, running in her direction. She flattened herself against the wall as one of them yelled “COMING THROUGH!“. Something was probably burning up in a very literal manner. The group of crazy runners sprinted past her and, once she was sure the coast was clear, Y/N started walking again. The hallway was a mess. It was obviously a region of the base that wasn’t used to house soldiers but rather to build stuff. Crates were laying open all around her and she had to slalom between them. Various metallic parts were scattered around, and although there wasn’t anyone in sight, Y/N just knew someone was going to have their ass kicked for the mess. They had probably been interrupted in their task of putting everything away when they had been called to handle whatever situation needed their intervention. The woman smiled to herself and walked past the mess-  
Something beeped.  
She froze, looking around the open crates. The beeping sound was heard again, and it sounded very much like a droid. Its beeps were muffled, but if she listened closely, she could very much hear it complaining.  
 **“Okay, buddy, where are you,“** she mumbled to herself. Furious beeps answered her question, and she walked further down the hallway next to the one she as in, finding more scattered stuff along the way. The sounds were getting louder, now.  
Finally, after a few moments of intense searching, she saw a crate that had been knocked over, moving. She kneeled next to it and pushed it back on its feet-  
Only to heard loud beeps again and see an orange thing zoom forward. She was knocked off balance and fell on her butt.  
 **“Wow, easy there, little buddy!“**  
The woman looked around her and finally found the source of those worried, albeit annoyed, beeps.

It was a droid, no doubts. A BB unit, from the look of it. Its small head with the huge eye was mounted on a larger ball. It was orange and white and very, very lively. The poor thing was running circles around her, in a literal way, visibly delighted to have been freed from its prison. Y/N laughed.  
 **“It’s okay, sweetheart, I’ve got you.“**  
It stopped and tilted its head back to stare at her, letting out a few fast beeps as a thank you. It was absolutely adorable. Y/N had always loved the BB units. They were usually adorable little fellas, and were very useful.  
 **“Come here, honey, I’ll take a look at you. You were trapped under that crate, huh? How did that even happen?“**  
As she came to her knees, inspecting the little ball of joy with keen attention, the droid beeped enthusiastically.  
 **“Slow down, sweetheart. My binary is a bit rusty.“**  
The poor orange ball had its antenna bent and the woman gently straightened it up. She then wiped off a smudge of grease from its little head and he beeped thankfully, before going back to narrating how it had ended up trapped in the first place. From what it was telling her, the men were in the middle of putting away a shipment of weapon parts when an alert had gone off and they had dropped everything. Poor little ball was just passing by and was knocked over by one technician. It bumped into the crate and it fell on its head, effectively trapping him. Y/N made a sad face.  
 **“Oh, honey. I’m sorry. Here, you’re all fixed up. What’s your name?“**  
He beeped. _BB-8_. The pilot smiled at him. He was truly adorable.  
 **“Well, BeeBee-eight, I’m Y/N Thunderbird. Nice to meet you.“**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still no Poe in this chapter... But! You'll get to see him in the next one, I promise (it's already up, surprise, double update), and I hope Finn and BB-8 make up or it! Get ready for a rather eventful first meeting ;). As usual, I'd love to hear about you guys!  
> Also - I know there's no information regarding the 204th being restarted under the First Order. I'll pretend it was.


	3. A Change Is Gonna Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N runs into one Hell of a pilot, and you get to see a glimpse of her past.

She had always loved droids. They weren’t mean by nature, unlike people. They were smart little guys, very helpful, and incredibly thoughtful if you managed to tickle their fancy. Of course, in the First Order, they were treated as objects and programed to be either useless tools or mortal weapons. This one, however, almost sounded like a little human. A smiled bloomed on the pilot’s face. She stood up and looked down at the little droid, whose head was weirdly angled, resting on the side of its body so it could look back at her.  
**“I’ll let you go on your way now, sweetheart. I have to go to the tech department, and I’ve gotten quite lost. It’s my first day, I wouldn’t want to be late,“** she added. Enthusiastic beeps answered her and she raised her eyebrows.  
**“You want to take me there?“**  
Beep beep. _Yes. I know where it is. I can show you._  
She smiled at the little ball and nodded.  
**“I’ll be honored to be walked there by you. Lead the way!“**  
And off they went, droid and human, conversing on their walk here. BeeBee asked her when she had arrived, and she told the droid a but about herself. It — no, actually, she couldn’t bring herself to call him “it“ anymore, he was her friend, now — beeped a welcome and Y/N chuckled. Soon enough, they ended up in front of the room from which shouts could be heard - like Klana had said.  
**“This is me, BeeBee. Thank you for helping me out. I will see you around. If you need someone to rescue you from evil crates again, you know who to call!“**  
Beep beep. _Thank you._  
With one last cheerful beep, the droid zoomed away, rolling around the corner and disappearing in the hallway. Y/N watched him go with a smile. This day had started awfully, but now, it really had taken a turn for the better.

One the little orange ball had left her alone, Y/N had no choice but to turn toward the door behind which the shouting match was held. The woman winced. Loud noises weren’t exactly a liking of hers. But when in Rome (or Kuat)…  
With a sigh, already regretting te company of Beebee, Y/N marched into the room. It was a mess - and that was putting it lightly. Various crates were laying around, torn open with their content spilled on the metallic tables next to them. On her right, people were shouting at one another in front of a bunch of computers, seemingly in a very heated argument. On her left, some sort of machine was being used to… print? Metallic parts. The H/C had nowhere near the required knowledge in weaponry and physics to gather what they were doing. And although she was very curious, she was also on a mission. She made her way through the room, approaching what looked like the leader of the place, a Togruta with a frown on his face.  
**“Hello? I’ve come to retrieve-“**  
He turned on his heels and smiled broadly at her.  
**“Ah! Yes! The newcomer! Come, child. I have what you are looking for.“**  
Mouth still agape from being interrupted mid-sentence, Y/N raised an eyebrow and watched as the orange-skinned creature retrieved a package from a crate. How he remembered where everything was going was beyond her.  
**“A standard data pad, a comm link, and this… Was requested by Commander Lightring.“**  
He shoved the thing in Y/N’s hands and the woman glanced at him with a hint of confusion. Carefully, she unpacked the bundle that had been tightly wrapped up in a rough piece of cloth, only to find-  
**“My blaster?!“**  
It wasn’t anything special, but it was hers. Ages ago, she had carved her initials in the butt of the weapon. The Togruta nodded enthusiastically.  
**“Yes! Skylen gave it to us when he came by earlier. We improved it to our standards! No offense, but it was a sad thing to look at before I took it upon myself to make it better. It’s now more precise, more powerful. I’ve actually increased the shooting distance from eighteen percents and-“**  
… And he went on.  
Y/N wasn’t a science buff, but she respectfully nodded along to everything the togruta said. After all, he had improved her blaster and she was getting it back. This made her feel happy. She didn’t have much, but her trusted gun was one of her only possessions.  
A few minutes later, the creature’s attention turned to one of his colleagues and before Y/N could fully register what was happening, he was waving her away. With wide eyes and a muffled “thanks“, the woman was ushered outside as the shouting match pick up in intensity. The doors closed in her face and she stood here, flabbergasted, for a good five seconds.  
Well.  
No use in sticking around.

She walked a bit in the hallway before stopping and leaning against a wall. She didn’t feel like going to bed, not yet. She still needed to unpack the events of the day. Might as well put her restlessness to a good cause… The H/C quickly unlocked her data pad and checked what was on it. A map of the base — that would definitely be helpful — the schedules, the results of the latest test runs… And her inbox.  
The newly-appointed pilot had already a message, and she taped on the screen with great curiosity.

_… X-Wing made available in garage four._

She didn’t read anything else. Her heart started pounding like crazy and a grin painted her face as she started sprinting toward her room. Fortunately for her and her not-so-desirable sense of orientation, she wasn’t far from her quarters. The woman quickly threw her stuff on her bed, strapped her comm link around her wrist and started sprinting again, careful not to bump into anyone. Y/N was grinning like a kid at Christmas. Because what the message was saying was much more than just “you have a ship“.  
She had her OWN ship. She had her own ship!  
It wasn’t much, for sure. It was just a regular X-Wing, undoubtedly one of the older ones. But she didn’t care. She didn’t care if it wasn’t new, or perfectly painted. It was hers.  
And that was enough to make her smile.

She reached the garage, slightly out of breath. Hands on her hips as she caught her breath, Y/N looked around, E/C eyes taking in the room. On her right, a group of teenagers formed a tight crowd around Skylen, who was standing on a crate. That seemed to be a common sight around the base. Giddy with anticipation, Y/N checked her communicator, silently re-reading the message. The ship was apparently decked in zone three, spot five.  
A quick glance around allowed her to find said spot, and she made her way toward Skylen and his group. Hopefully, the bearded pilot wouldn’t-  
**“DUCKLING!“**  
Yep. Never mind.  
With a shy smile, the woman got closer to the group. Everyone was staring at her, now that their leader had so subtly caught their attention. Unfortunately for her, she couldn’t walk past them and just go, since her ship was right next to the one Skylen was currently standing in front of.  
It looked like her luck had ran out for the day.  
**“Skylen. Hi. Sorry, I don’t want to interrupt. I’m here to check on my X-Wing.“**  
Maker, saying it out loud made her feel even giddier. The pilot laughed out loud.  
**“Ha! They already got you one, huh? Kids, meet Y/N Thunderbird, General Dameron’s newest squad member. One day, if you actually listen to what I’m saying, you might get to join Blue Squad like her, too.“**  
The kids whispered, sending curious and wary looks in the woman’s direction. Yikes. Looks like the rumors had spread to the younger members of the base, too.  
Y/N awkwardly turned around and walked to her ship. The sound of the group’s voices drowned out as she stared in awe at the spaceship in front of her.

It was blue and white, but the paint job had seen better days. The fuselage was dented in several places, undoubtedly from blaster shots. It wasn’t perfect, as she had expected; it wasn’t new either. Some would argue it was a hunk of junk.  
But it was her hunk of junk.  
She smiled softly. This ship would be her best ally for the upcoming years. Where she would go, it would go, too.  
**“You’re Thunderbird?“** A voice asked, and she turned around. A mechanic was standing next to the nose of the X-Wing, rolling a cart full of tools.  
**“Yeah,“** Y/N said simply. The guy smiled.  
**“Knew it! You have that look on your face. The one the new pilots get when they get their ship. I was just going to start freshening her up. Unless you wanna have a go at it first?“**  
The woman furrowed her brows in confusion, and the guy chuckled.  
**“Ah, they didn’t tell you. A lot of pilots here fix their own ships, at least for the easy things. They leave the hard work to us, but they just love to tinker with their babies. Makes our job a lot easier, I’ll tell you that.“**  
What? She was allowed to…? Her silence and confusion must have been visible because the guy snorted and pushed the cart toward her.  
**“I’ll take that as a yes. Have fun.“**  
Before she could think hard enough to find something to say, he was already gone, whistling to himself.

She wasn’t a complete newbie when it came to fixing spaceships. Y/N had run into her fair share of trouble and had to make do with what she had - namely, not much, and definitely no mechanic to help her. But during her service in the First order, she had an assigned worker. As an officer, her ship was treated way better than the others’. Which meant she had never really taken the time to get her hands dirty in the belly of a TIE fighter… And had never approached an X-Wing.  
She welcomed the challenge, though. How different could it be? They served the same functions.

…Or not, as she quickly realized, five minutes later, when she gave up on trying to open the side panel. A loud grunt escaped her mouth and the defeated pilot leaned her head against the metal. What was she thinking-  
**“Whatcha doing? Imitating a Wookiee?“**  
The H/C rolled her eyes when Skylen’s teasing voice caught her attention. With an exasperated sigh, she turned to her new friend who, as expected, was leaning against the side of her ship, arms crossed and a grin plastered on his face.  
**“Make fun of me, go ahead. I’ve never worked on an X-Wing before, and I’m lost. I’ll just give up and leave it to the pros.“**  
His grin turned into a soft smile as he walked closer to her, patting affectionally the metal hull.  
**“You’re in luck, Duckling. I used to be a mechanic before I joined the Resistance. C’mere, I’ll teach ya the basics. I assume you know a thing or two, right?“**  
She nodded and followed him like a lost puppy to the other side of the ship. Skylen grabbed a wrench and used it to point at various parts of the X-Wing.  
**“That’s the deflector shield projector. Next to it, the hyperdrive motivator. The weird pointy thing is the suppressor…“**  
He went on, listing the different parts of the ship and pausing in between to make sure Y/N was following. The woman was listening intently, eyes wide open. Skylen was a great teacher and it was obvious he was both very knowledgeable and passionate about mechanical technicalities.  
**“…And that’s the BAK X12 laser canon. You got all that, Duckling?“**  
She nodded, and he answered with an impressed hum.  
**“Not bad! My students would’ve been whining by now. You learn fast. Now, for the wiring, it’s essentially the same thing as a TIE. Just keep in mind we use flat screwdrivers to open the panels. You’ll be just fine as long as you remember that.“**

They fell silent. Around them, the garage had quieted down. The chatty teenagers had left, undoubtedly to get some rest. Y/N realized they were alone, save from a few mechanics on the other side of the huge room. She turned to Skylen with a frown.  
**“Weren’t you supposed to leave with them?“**  
The bearded man snorted.  
**“Ouch. That’s the second time today you’ve said something like that, I’m gonna end up believing you don’t actually like my company. No, I saw you struggling and I couldn’t leave you fend for yourself, could I? Not when the General is so damn strict when it comes to X-Wings care. We’ve got a reputation to maintain as the squad with the best-kept ships, and you better not forget it.“** He added with a wink.  
Oh, right. No pressure. Y/N winced. It seemed like everything was stacked against her when it came to making it into the General’s good books. She hadn’t even met the man yet, and she was already off to a bad start. Great.

If Skylen noticed her defeated look, he didn’t say anything. Instead, he walked up to the cart left by the mechanic, picked up some tools, and handed them to Y/N.  
**“Come on. Try your hand at it. I’ll guide you through it. Let’s get started on the thrust engine right here. It could use some work.“**  
He grabbed an empty rolling cart and gestured for Y/N to lie on it. The pilot easily sled underneath the engine, eyes facing the rounded piece of metal. While religiously following her mentor’s instructions, she started talking.  
**“So, you were a mechanic before, huh?“**  
She heard him chuckle from above her. He took his time to answer, leaving her plenty on her side to try and open the panel. With some effort, she managed to unhinge the thing and grinned proudly.  
**“Nice, Duckling. And yeah. I was a mechanic on Dantooine, borned and raised there. It was a quiet life. Not many peeps to talk to. Nice place, but really dead. I couldn’t wait to get the Hell out of there.“**  
The never-ending call for adventure… This seemed to be a common trait among pilots. And considering the amont of travelling they did, it wasn’t a bad one to have.  
She picked up another tool next, ready to tinker with the engine’s parts. It was relatively in good shape, save from some scraps lodged inside.  
**“There’s an old rebel base on there. My grandpa served during the war. He retired when they blew up the Death Star and my parents grew up as farmers. But it wasn’t a life I wanted for myself. When I got the chance, I enrolled as a mechanic in the Republic Navy. Must have been good, because I caught Leia’s eye and she asked me to join her when the war broke. I didn’t even need to think about it. Jumped in a ship and I’ve been following the Resistance ever since. They’re family to me.“**  
Y/N glanced at him from under her engine. There was a proud smile on his face, and she found herself smiling back. It had worked out quite well for him, and she was genuinely glad it did. From what she had seen that day, Skylen was truly a good man. The kind you would expect to serve in the Resistance. A devoted soldier through and through.

To her surprise, he laughed loudly and shook his head.  
**“Ah, I’m boring ya with my story. It ain’t all sunshine and rainbows, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. But if I had the chance, I’d do it all over again. They’re nice folks, Y/N. Really nice. Except Tarsen, but he’s always been an ass.“**  
Oh, that, she knew already.  
Sensing he was done with the story for now, she nodded toward the open engine.  
**“What’s the best tool to clean up this baby?“**  
He crouched down to her level and winced.  
**“Ah. They didn’t go lightly on her, the poor thing. Try that. You’ll have to be patient, though, it’s gonna take a while.“**  
He handed her another tool and she got back to work. There was a confortable silence between the two of them. Skylen sat next to her and occasionally piped up to give her pointers or tease her - more often than he actually helped her. He had a great sense of humor and was very patient. Y/N could already tell they were going to be friends, or at least, she hoped so. Klana and him were the nicest people she had met, and that wasn’t something she was used to. She could still remember the first troopers who had “welcomed“her on the star destroyer, years ago… It was very different, then.  
Working on her ship was a very effective way to relax and temporarily forget that the following morning, she would be meeting with the best pilot of the Resistance — as they called him — who happened to be the General and her new squad leader. What if she messed up somehow? What if he changed his mind? Surely, he wouldn’t, but Skylen had said earlier that they needed to confirm her joining the squad with him. There was still a small chance…  
No, she couldn’t think like this.  
She shook her head and went back to work. The woman was almost done with cleaning the engine she had been working on. It was some tedious work, but it kept her busy and sharpened her skills at the same time. Two birds, one stone.

After five good minutes of comfortable silence, Skylen patted her shoulder slightly.  
**“Alright, you don’t need me anymore, Duckling. I’ll leave ya to it, you’ve got it. I won’t be too far, but I’ll see you tomorrow morning anyway, we’ve got an introduction thing planned with my squad and the General’s. Try to get some sleep before, I’m sure undereye bags aren’t a good look on you.“**  
Y/N snorted but didn’t say anything back. He was right; her complexion didn’t look too good with dark circles on. Also, she wanted to be well-rested for her debut. She needed to bring her A-game, prove to that ass Tarsen that her test run wasn’t pure luck. With a warm smile and a wink, Skylen stood up and the sound of his footsteps faded away. The woman took a deep breath in. He was right, she had got it! She was more than capable of doing this task herself. And, yes, she could have left it for the mechanics; but pride and an overwhelming need of using her hands to do some tinkering had rooted her to the spot, lying with her back on the uncomfortable cart.  
She focused on the task at hand. The inside of the engine was almost squeaky clean, free of any debris. Grease was tainting her jumpsuit and Y/N stopped, screwdriver in the air. Kriff. She hoped they had gotten her a new pair or the meeting of the following morning would be very awkward.  
Oh, well. If the General didn’t know what grease-stained clothes looked like, he wasn’t that great of a pilot. Shaking her head, she got back to work, taking full advantage of the silence of the garage. Occasionally, loud clatter would be heard from across the room, followed by a string of curses as a mechanic dropped something, but the H/C didn’t pay attention to it. Truth be told, she wasn’t paying attention to anything but her engine.  
Which was the exact reason she noticed the footsteps coming her way so late.

In fact, it wasn’t before they almost stopped next to her that she noticed someone was approaching. She didn’t stop on their account.  
**“Yeah, yeah, I know,“** she said with a huff. **“Make fun of me all you want, Skylen, but this engine has never been cleaner in its entire life.“**  
Skylen didn’t say anything back. Wow, had someone cut his tongue or something? Was he just admiring her handiwork? She didn’t know which option she liked best. With a shrug, she finally tossed the last piece of shrapnel away from the cogs it was stuck between and let out a quiet “yes“.  
**“Okay, well, if you’re going to stand here, might as well help a girl out. Hand me the wrench.“**  
She extended her hand out and waited until she felt the weight of the metallic tool against her palm.  
**“Much appreciated.“**  
With a triumphant noise, she screwed the panel shut and let out a grunt.  
**“Kriffing finally! I swear, I remember TIEs to be easier to fix than X-Wings.“**  
She didn’t get an answer this time either. This got her to frown and she dropped her hand down. Her muscles were killing her at this point.  
**“Okay, you’re scaring me. I haven’t known you too long, but you haven’t shut up since I met you this morning. If you’re staring at my ass, I swear I’ll-“**  
She pushed the cart from under the engine, finally getting to see the man-  
Except it wasn’t who she was expecting to see.

**“You’re not Skylen,“** she mumbled to herself, freezing on the spot.  
And what a nice first impression it was. Her, laid on her back, white tank top covered in grease and hair sticking out of her ponytail. The man standing next to her X-Wing was upside down (or rather, she was, technically), but she could still see very clearly that he wasn’t her new friend. Unless Skylen had gotten a tan, brown eyes, and shaved his beard.  
Which she was pretty sure he would rather die than do.  
**“No, unfortunately for me. This guy has one killer beard.“**  
His voice was smooth and he was smiling down at her, leaning against the side of her ship with his arms crossed. Y/N hurriedly jumped to her feet after pushing her body as far away from under the engine as she could - the last thing she wanted was to hit her head while standing up.  
She bent her legs and pushed herself off the cart, finally coming to face the man properly. She wiped her hands on her jumpsuit (the thing was ruined anyway) and tightened her ponytail in a vain attempt to look presentable.  
He was around her age, no doubt, with a jumpsuit matching hers. His hair was a tousled mess, with deep brown locks sticking out from several places. A pilot like her. He had hazel eyes to match his hair and his skin was nicely tanned, darkened on his defined cheeks and jawline by a five o’clock shadow.  
Undoubtedly handsome and friendly-looking, too.  
He was wearing a bright smile, obviously amused by the confusion. Y/N grimaced.  
**“Sorry, I mistook you for someone else.“**  
He chuckled.  
**“Yeah, I noticed. And, for the record, I wasn’t staring at your ass.“**  
_Maker, help me._

Y/N turned a deep shade of crimson and rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand in embarrassment.  
**“…You heard that. Great.“**  
He snorted and shrugged in excuse. Quick, she had to change the subject.  
**“Sorry, huh… Do you need the tools to fix your own ship? I’m not really sure how things work around here.“**  
He shook his head no, amusement still visible in his eyes.  
**“No, actually, I was just hearing some noise coming from this side of the garage and I wanted to see who was here so late. Figured you weren’t a mechanic when I saw the orange jumpsuit.“**  
Oh, well, he’d be right. His gaze was oddly inquisitive and it made her squirm on the spot. Her fellow pilot gave her a bit of a break when he started looking at her ship, walking around the X-Wing with critical eyes.  
**“Hm. Not bad. She’s in good shape, for the most part. Nothing a good paint job and some minor repairs won’t fix.“**  
Y/N watched him with curious eyes. He was obviously a seasoned pilot, but she had no idea who he was. She was fairly sure she hadn’t seen him before, and he either didn’t know who she was, or belonged to the minority who did not care.

After a few moments of close inspection, he turned back to her and raised an eyebrow.  
**“So? Humor me. What are you doing here at ten o’clock, alone with the mechanics when you could be sleeping?“**  
Y/N glanced up at the ship with a soft smile.  
**“I got her earlier tonight. Figure I’d try my hand at fixing things myself. I’m not used to X-Wings yet, and I’ve been told we need to take extra care of ours.“**  
Again, he nonchalantly leaned against the side of the ship.  
**“We do, but not to the point where we’re supposed to stay up all night working on them.“**  
Yikes. He had a point. It wasn’t that late, though. And what was HE doing here in the first place anyway? She hadn’t heard any ship land for the whole time she had been laying under that damn engine. He must have been coming from inside the base.  
She wasn’t going to ask, though.  
**“I know. But Skylen told me my new squad has a reputation around the base. Apparently, we’ve got the best-kept ships and the General is very strict about it.“**  
He snorted.  
And shook his head.  
Y/N frowned. What was so funny?  
Her face must have been confused enough for him to quickly say:  
**“That sounds like Skylen. Also, I was right. You’re the newbie who made it into Blue Squadron.“**  
The H/C couldn’t help it; she grimaced. He shook his head.  
**“Hey, I’m not here to grill you. I was just curious. You’ve already quite a lot of people talking about you.“**  
He grimaced again. She was aware, and that didn’t make it better. Her colleague shot her a lopsided smile.  
**“Relax. I don’t listen to the rumors anyway. What else did Skylen tell you, huh?“**

She shrugged. Was she supposed to tell him? What harm could it do? He probably knew the bearded pilot better than she did, and maybe he could give her pointers, too! Every piece of information could be useful.  
**“Well. He told me the General is supposedly the best pilot of the galaxy. He was raving about his piloting skills. Apparently, he can fly anything.“**  
He crosse his arms and smiled.  
**“You don’t believe that?“**  
It was Y/N’s turn to laugh, and she leaned back herself, facing the pilot. He was very curious, she noted. Not a bad trait, at least, she didn't mind.  
**“I don’t know. I guess we will see that tomorrow. But the people I’ve met who gloat about being the best pilot usually aren’t.“**  
He gave her a genuine chuckle, biting at his lip in amusement.  
**“You sure got one Hell of a strong opinion on the guy, huh.“**  
She groaned. Was he teasing her on purpose because she was new? Was she that easy to tease anyway? Apparently.  
**“I did NOT say I don’t believe it,"** she added quickly to clarify things. **"I’m just saying, I’ll wait to see it for myself before I get behind the whole “best pilot“ ordeal. Also, according to Skylen, there’s a fifty-fifty chance he might hate my guts, so I won’t get my hopes up. I just wanna do my job and stay low on everyone’s radar.“**  
With a smirk, the pilot looked up, eyes studying the ship once again.  
**“He won’t.“**  
Damn, the guy was awfully cocky. Did it come with the jumpsuit? Y/N looked him up and down with a cocked eyebrow.  
**“You look really sure of that. Do you even know him?“**  
His brown eyes met hers and he reciprocated the look she had given him a second earlier.  
**“Pretty well, actually.“**  
Oh, kriff. That was just her luck. The guy was BFF with the General she had been so vocally doubting.  
**“So, you can tell me if the rumors are true, then.“**

Y/N should have expected the answer. Considering how badly he had been teasing her up to that point, she really should have.  
But she had the slightest spark of hope that he would actually give her a genuine answer.  
**“I guess you’ll see that tomorrow.“**  
She rolled her eyes so far in her head she saw more stars than she did in light speed.  
**“Dang, do you people give such a hard time to all the newcomers?“**  
He gave her a mysterious smile and a dismissive shrug.  
**“Nope, only the ones who are fun to mess with.“**  
Ass.  
Although, she couldn’t really complain. He wasn’t being mean. He was one of the only person who had taken the time of their day to have a conversation with her that wasn’t held at gun point. It was definitely an improvement, and he was nice.  
She didn’t have the opportunity to think about it much more, because loud beeps echoed across the garage. Both pilots turned their heads toward their source.  
A small, orange ball, rolling toward them at full speed.  
**“Beebee?“** Y/N asked in disbelief, eyebrows knit together as she watched the droid get closer.  
The little guy rolled up to the two humans, looking from one to the other in visible confusion. The brown-haired man turned to Y/N in visible surprise.  
**“You know my droid?“**  
Wait, what? It was the H/C’s turn to frown in confusion.  
**“Wait, he is your droid?“  
"How do you know my droid?"** he said, ignoring her question.  
The little ball beeped affirmatively. Momentarily forgetting herself, Y/N dropped to her knees and waved at BB-8.  
**“Hello again, sweetheart. I’m glad to see you.“**  
She missed the new surprised look on the pilot’s face. The orange droid turned to his master and beeped him through the event that had taken place earlier. His human smiled.  
**“Ah, so she’s the one who saved you from that big ass crate, huh. I guess I should be thanking you, then. I’ve told them countless times to pay attention to the droids.“**  
Y/N laughed as BB-8 met her extended had, and she petted his head affectionately.  
**“Don’t. He is such a cutie, it was my pleasure.“**  
Beebee beeped happily and she could hear more than she saw the man rolling his eyes.  
**“Oh please, no. His ego is big enough as it is.“**  
The droid beeped indignantly, little head snapping toward the man. Y/N chuckled.  
**“Don’t listen to him. You’re adorable.“**  
With one last pet, she stood up again and absentmindedly dusted off her jumpsuit. Not that she could do much to clean it at this point, but it’s the thought that counts, right…?  
Her gaze fell on the droid by her side and something popped in her head. She frowned. They had been talking for what, a solid five minutes? And not once had he mentioned anything about his squad, or his name.

With both eyebrows furrowed, the H/C cocked her head to the side. The man was still watching her, arms crossed, obviously expecting a question from her.  
Ask, and you shall receive. If she had tried not to be too openly curious before, since she had just implied he was shamelessly staring at her ass, they were clearly past that, now.  
**“Hey. I don’t believe you’ve told me your name. I know your droid’s and you know mine, it’s only fair I get to know yours.“**  
He bit his lip again and shook his head - but it was more to himself than out of annoyance. He also didn’t answer right away; instead, he made sure to face her fully and stare at her. With a pat to the side of the ship, he took a step back from the X-Wing and, instead, took a step toward her until he was but a mere meter apart from her. With a bright smile, he held her hand for her to shake and answered with an obvious smirk:  
**“I’m Poe. Poe Dameron.“**

Yep, the staring definitely made sense. He wants to see her reaction.  
And boy, did he get one.  
Y/N absolutely froze on the spot, blinked thrice, stared, blinked once more, opened her mouth and closed it.  
The bastard had got her good.  
She searched her mind for something to say. Apologize? She had said nothing wrong, and he was the one who tricked her in the first place! Pay her respect? She had almost called him an ass earlier, no need to suck up to him now.  
So, she did the only think she could think of.  
She chuckled awkwardly and rubbed the back of her neck.  
**“Well. No need to give you an official salute now...?“**  
Poe chuckled and ran a hand through his already messy locks.  
**“Yeah. I’m not sorry, it was way too tempting. We don’t get fresh faces too often. And you’re easy to mess with.“**  
Now that she knew he was the General, Y/N bit back the snarky comment that was about to roll off her tongue. Instead, she let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose.  
**“Talk about a good first impression, huh.“**  
He gave her a pat on the shoulder and a wink.  
**“I’ve seen worse, honestly.“  
“Have you really?“**  
He seemed to think about it for a second before he bursted out laughing. It was a nice sound, not obnoxiously loud like Skylen’s laugh was.  
**“…No, that was a lie. But at least, you didn’t shoot me,“** he said with a shrug. He was smiling, though, and his eyes were bright with amusement.  
This time, Y/N couldn’t stop herself. She nodded toward the doors of the garage.  
**“If that's what you're into, I have a brand new blaster in my room I need to test out. Feel free to drop by later,“** she sassily said.  
Okay, who was this woman and what had she done to Y/N Thunderbird?!  
But since she was utterly screwed in his eyes anyway, might as well go down the funny route. And he seemed to appreciate, because he laughed and gently hit her shoulder with another one of his crooked smiles.  
**“I like you.”**  
Maybe this wasn’t such a disaster, after all.

Now that the cat was out of the bag, Y/N took a second to study him again. She didn’t know how she had missed it, but the way he carried himself definitely screamed “leader” to her. He exuded confidence, charisma, and a slight hint of cockiness.  
Call someone the “best pilot of the galaxy” for too long and watch them get full of themselves.  
But he didn’t seem to boast about it too much. It obviously made him laugh and he could laugh at himself, too. The guy was nice.  
Everything she was not used to see in a leader, to sum it up. He wasn’t one of the stuck-up officers Y/N was used to seeing in the First Order. He looked like a regular, sassy pilot with a great smile (she hasn’t seen First Order officers smile a lot either...) and great hair. Not what you’d expect of a seasoned pilot who took down the fleet of the Emperor.  
Oh, well.  
**“Come on, Y/N. Let’s get out of here. I promise I won’t say anything if your ship isn’t perfectly clean. And you’ve had a long day, leave the maintenance to the mechanics, alright?”**  
How could she say no? She was tired, in need of a shower, and frankly shaken up from this unexpected meeting during which she had made a fool of herself. Although Poe didn’t seem to mind.  
She was going to love working there.

With one last glance at her beautiful ship, she followed after him, BB-8 rolling by their side. The two pilots walked in silence, and Y/N took a look around. The garage was quite empty, as expected; only a couple of mechanics, who probably worked the night shift, could be seen here and there. They met the mechanic she had seen earlier coming the other way. The guy waved at her and went on his way, still humming. He would have a long night ahead of him if he wanted to make the X-Wing look newer than new. If he pulled it off, Y/N would owe him a nice bottle of something potent.  
Even though the woman felt awkward walking around like this in perfect silence, she had to admit it didn’t feel as awkward as walking next to Kylo Ren did. She shuddered when she bought about it; how she would trail just one step behind the Knight of Ren, clad in her black uniform as he glared his way through the crowds. Poe was very laid back and although he naturally commanded authority, he wasn’t abusing the power he had. Proof had been how he had let her talk about him and shrugged it off with a smile.  
Finn might have been right. Maybe they would get along just fine.  
If she could survive his sassiness. But he wasn’t the only one who could be a tease.  
**“Alright,“** his voice interrupted as they reached the door. “I’ll leave you here, I still have work to do. You get some rest, and I’ll see you tomorrow at ten on the airfield, alright?“  
She nodded stiffly.  
**“Yes, General.“**  
His eyes sparkled in amusement and he gave her a half-smile and a gentle slap to the shoulder.  
**“Congrats on making Blue squad, by the way. I’ve been looking to fill the position for a while. And I look forward to showing you exactly why I’m the best pilot of the Galaxy.“**  
She was never going to live that down.  
Never.  
Y/N rolled her eyes as he walked away, seemingly very satisfied with himself. BB-8 turned his little head backwards as he followed his human, and Y/N blew him a kiss. The droid beeped happily.  
Yes… Things were definitely looking up.  
But at this moment, she was looking forward to taking a shower.

_Poe chuckled to himself as he walked down the hallway. He glanced down at BB-8 when the droid beeped to get his attention. Listening intently to his little orange companion for a second, he then rolled his eyes.  
**“Yes, Beebee. You did tell me she was nice. But being nice won’t make her a good pilot.“**  
The droid beeped again, and this time, Poe stopped, eyebrows raised.  
**“What do you mean she’s nicer than me? You know what you are, buddy? You’re a traitor, that’s what. Maybe I should give you away to the tech people. I’m sure they would find you a nice crate to sleep in.“**  
An offended beep answered him and the pilot frowned, eyes squint suspiciously.  
**“I told you to stop listening to R2-D2! That was a bad word, Beebee. I don’t know who raised you like that, but they did a bad job. My droid swears, now. I have an ex-TIE pilot in my squad, and my droid is having a ‘phase’. What the Hell did I do to deserve that, huh?“**  
Human and droid disappeared around a corner, their friendly banter resonating in the hallway._

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

There was an undeniable lump in her throat as she sat alone on the bench. Everything in the room was pristine white, from floor to ceiling, and it contrasted even more with her dark outfit. The standard TIE uniform was still on her body, clinging awkwardly to her form. Her helmet was by her side on the bench, and the pallid lights reflected on its smooth surface. The fabric of her uniform smelt like smoke, a tinge of sweat and overall exhaustion. Her hair was loosely wrapped up in a chignon that used to be slick but now only looked sad with the strands that had escaped its cage. Y/N could have taken a second to rearrange her hairdo, but she was too tired. The battle had been absolutely exhausting and she didn’t have the strength to pretend it hadn’t. As she stared at her black helmet, she could see the darkness of space on the shiny surface and the fresh memories of the ships exploding superposed with reality. Past and present clashing, and in the middle of the fight, Y/N.  
She could still hear the screams of her friends as their fighters went down, hit by enemy ships. The tremendous amount of stress she had been under, the adrenaline, the pain. The titanesque amount of focus she had to had to take the shot. And then, the enraged screams of the Captain that almost busted her left eardrum.  
On her left, the door opened with a pneumatic whoosh and a stormtrooper appeared on the other side, seemingly all stoic behind his white mask. She faintly turned her head toward him, waiting for him to speak, silently awaiting her punishment. He was alone, which meant she wasn’t going to be executed, at least not right now.  
**“Please follow me.”**  
She would have questioned him, but she didn’t have the strength. Instead, she just stared tiredly, expecting more.  
“Your presence has been requested by Kylo Ren. You are to accompany me immediately.”  
Wait, what? Kylo? REN wanted to see her?!

Her legs obeyed unwillingly and she followed the guard, taking her helmet with her. She was trying to understand why she had been summoned by Ren. Was she that screwed?  
**“What does he want with me?”** She managed to ask, and the guard spared her a glance.  
**“I don’t know. I have only been asked to take you to him and Captain Zulu.”**  
Ah, so Zulu was with him, then.  
She was _so_ dead.  
With the little strength she could muster, she straightened her back and squared her shoulders in a meek attempt to look professional. It was a lost cause, she looked like shit, undoubtedly. But she had never met Kylo Ren and wasn’t too keen on making a bad impression.  
She wasn’t particularly interested in being noticed by him but wasn’t scared either. She knew, much like everyone else, of what he could do. But if she was to die by his hand, at least her friends wouldn’t be here to witness her explode.

The black and white duo reached the conference room, and the guard stopped, facing Y/N.  
**“Wait here.”**  
He took a few steps and started talking in a low voice, probably to whoever was supposed to be warned about their arrival. Y/N used the opportunity to take a glance at her reflection in a metallic part of the wall, only to discover she had a thin trail of dry blood on her cheek.  
**“Kriff,”** she cursed under her breath and tried to get the dry blood to come off by rubbing at it.  
**“Here.”**  
She jumped and turned around, only to be met with the vision of the stormtrooper who was holding a piece of cloth, probably taken from one of his numerous storage pockets on his belt.  
**“Take this.”**  
Y/N gratefully did and wiped off the blood from her face. The trooper took the cloth back and put it where he had taken it from.  
**“Good luck in there.”**  
He pressed a button and the door opened, leaving no time for Y/N to wonder just why exactly he was being so nice. She wasn’t used to anyone being nice to anyone on here. Maybe he was just in a good mood?  
Or maybe he knew something she didn’t...  
In any case, she had no time to ponder on it.  
**“Thank you,”** she whispered to him before walking inside the room.

It was a fairly long one, rectangle in shape, with the door located in the length of it. In front of her, a huge window pane allowed anyone standing inside to marvel at the immensity of space. The ship wasn’t in hyperspace yet and the stars were shining dimly in the distance.  
But Y/N didn’t have time to enjoy the view. Sat near the end of the table was her Captain, who sneered when he saw her. And with his back facing him, cape the only thing visible, was Kylo Ren.  
The door closed behind her and Y/N did her best to steady her heartbeat, let go of her anxiety and keep a clear mind as she walked up to the two men. She wasn’t going to show weakness.  
Once she got close enough, she bowed her head slightly, even though Ren couldn’t see - unless he has eyes on the back of his head.  
How was she even supposed to call him? General? Commander? Leader? Hopefully, he wouldn't be pissed off if she made a mistake.  
**“Master Ren. Captain Zulu.”**  
Silence met her salutation and she closed her mouth, hands joined behind her back, waiting for someone, anyone, to speak.  
After a few seconds, Kylo turned his head slightly to the side, as if he were trying to catch a glimpse of her from his peripheral vision. He couldn’t, at least Y/N didn’t think he could, but he stayed like this for a moment before he spoke.  
**“Captain Zulu told me you are the pilot who took the shot against the admiral ship.”**  
His voice was deeper than she had anticipated. It sounded almost like a deep rumble of rocks or a sound coming from the depth of his soul. The slight buzz of the modulator told her it was modified, but it was still fairly surprising.  
**“Yes, Sir.”  
“Against his direct orders,” **he stated. There was no anger in his voice. Zulu had a fleeting smirked and Y/N sent him a silent glare from the corner of her eyes.  
**“Yes, Sir.”**

He hummed in approval and turned fully toward her, cape flowing and following his movement before it settled behind his body. His helmet was black and silver, metallic and menacing. It radiated authority, and even though she wouldn’t yield to it, Y/N felt it. He felt... powerful. On his belt, the infamous lightsaber rested.  
The H/C looked at him straight in the eyes, at least where she supposed his eyes were. She wanted to show him she wasn’t afraid to face the consequences. She wasn’t provoking him, but she wasn’t hiding from his potential wrath either. She couldn't really run away anyway.  
**“Why?”** He simply asked.  
Y/N opened her mouth to answer but her attempt was cut short by a scoff.  
**“Because she is an impulsive and irrational element who shouldn’t be trusted with-“**  
The end of his sentence died in his throat in a gurgle as he choked. Kylo hadn’t lifted a finger but it was quite obvious he was responsible for the sudden interruption. Zulu vainly attempted to grasp the air and free his throat of the constriction, but nothing was holding him.  
**“Don’t interrupt me.”**  
The statement was very obviously a threat. Ren released Zulu of his mental choke and the man fell forward, coughing loudly and wheezing as he caught his breath. Y/N could die happy, right now: the sight of her annoying boss being put in his place was one she wouldn’t forget. But he had asked her a question and she didn’t have time to take pleasure in Zulu’s struggles.  
**“I was close enough to assert the probabilities, Sir. When the order was issued, I was already on my run to the generator. I could have turned around but I chose not to.”**  
Kylo tilted his head slightly. She couldn’t see his face, but his curiosity was palpable.  
**“Why is that, trooper?”**  
Y/N glanced at her superior who was still coughing. She couldn’t really lie to him, he would sense it, wouldn’t he?  
**“Because, with all due respect, Sir, Captain Zulu’s orders were Bantha shit. He told me to retreat not because it would save my life but because he didn’t believe I could make it, and that assumption was based solely on the fact that I am a woman. He doesn’t trust my abilities, but I do. I took the shot because I knew I could do it, because I could assess the situation with my own eyes and because I was collected enough to make an educated decision. If it impacted your mission in any way, then I offer my apologies and I accept my fate. Sir.”**

Silence again. Y/N could feel the weight of Kylo’s eyes on her and she tensed up a bit but forced herself to remain calm. She wasn’t choking yet, which meant he wasn’t too upset.  
Yet.  
**“Leave us.”**  
She looked puzzled for a second and showed it by frowning. But even in her tired state, Y/N realized that he had tilted his helmet very slightly to the right.  
Toward Zulu.  
Who looked positively thunderstruck.  
And if he wasn’t careful, he would absolutely end up struck by lightning in a very literal way. Y/N knew of the rumors on Kylo’s powers and she wouldn’t mess with them if she were him...  
Or actually. She would. It could be interesting.  
**“Don’t make me say it again.”**  
His voice had grown impossibly lower as he all but growled and that seemed to wake Zulu up from his shocked state. He stood up and almost ran out without a look back.  
The door closed with the quiet whoosh and silence engulfed the both of them.

Y/N could hear Ren’s shallow breathing, buzzing around the edges through his modulator. She had no idea what he wanted with her. She wasn’t scared, but she was curious.  
And in need of a shower.  
Which meant it probably wasn’t the best idea for him to stand so close to her.  
Oh, well. His problem. She wouldn’t back down, not as a provocative act, but because she knew she had done nothing wrong and wanted to show him she was confident in her decisions. The H/C could only guess that a man of his stature didn’t exactly enjoyed fickle people who had no backbone.  
Which was the exact description of Zulu. No wonder he had been shoved outside unceremoniously.  
**“You disobeyed a direct order from your Captain, and in doing so, you endangered your own life, something I couldn’t care less about; but you endangered Zulu’s as well.“**  
Y/N’s eyes shot up, meeting his through the visor of his helmet - at least she assumed so. He stayed silent for a second before adding:  
**“I couldn’t care less about that, either.“**  
The woman couldn’t contain her snort, even in such a serious situation. She was fairly sure she had heard amusement pooling at the edges of Kylo’s voice. He tilted his head.  
**“Something on your mind?“**  
Ah, shit. He had heard it. Of course, he had heard it. She cleared her throat, trying to come up with an explanation for that throaty sound. She couldn’t, so she opted to back down. He hadn’t burned her to a crisp yet, but it was still a possibility.  
**"No, Sir.“**  
He stared at her from the anonymity of his helmet. Where was he going with that line of questioning? She wasn’t a pile of charred meat on the floor yet, and she wasn’t howling in pain either, so that was a good sign, but still…

It took five seconds of silence before something happened.  
Something… Touched her brain.  
As weird as it sounded, Y/N felt like something was poking at the grey matter with a stick. It was an insidious feeling, a treacherous wave creeping on her. Her composure vanished and she frowned. It wasn’t hurting her, not yet, anyway. But it wasn’t enjoyable. Her head twitched slightly to the side as she tried to get rid of the weird sensation. What could be causing that? Did she hit her head during the attack and was only feeling the effects of the concussion now?  
No, she didn’t-  
Hold on.  
She raised her E/C gaze toward him, eyebrows knitted together.  
**“What are you doing to me?“**  
In a purely defensive mechanism, she figuratively put her brain on lockdown, pushing every single thought away. She wasn’t doing so in a malicious way, but she didn’t understand what was going on. It wasn’t like she had anything to hide; she couldn’t remember shit about her past life.  
But that seemed to surprise Ren. He took a step back and the feeling disappeared. So she had been right; he was the one causing it.  
She waited for his anger to strike her down. Whatever he had been doing, it wasn’t without reason. And if she had shut him out like this, he would think she had something to hide. A hidden motive to justify her reckless actions of earlier…  
But to her surprise, he simply raised his hands, attached them to his helmet and lifted the thing off. It came off with a pneumatic hiss and Y/N found herself staring into a pair of brown eyes. He was younger than she expected him to be; around her age, undoubtedly. He had fairly long, dark hair, and very striking features. Why he had taken the helmet off, she didn’t know. Maybe he was in enough of a good mood to allow her to see a human face that wasn’t Zulu right before she died.  
**“What is your name?“** He asked, completely disregarding her question. That made her jaw twitch, but she didn’t push it. She knew better.  
**“CX6669, Sir.“**  
Annoyance crossed his features.  
**“I asked for your name, not your matricule.“**

Hold on. How did he know about that?! She must have looked confused, because he pursed his lips and explained:  
**“I probed your mind. Your thoughts were all over the place, but I did saw you have more of an identity than TIE pilots usually have. I don’t understand why.“**  
She gulped. Zulu had told her to never use it again. But she hated Zulu, and Kylo was above his pay grade, so… The H/C licked her lips. Even though she had to tell him, the fact that he had just probed her thoughts didn’t sit well with her. How much had he seen? Why had he stopped? She was sure he wasn’t in her head anymore, but she felt… violated, somehow. It was really weird. Ren was definitely way more dangerous than his youthful face let on.  
**“Y/N. Y/N Thunderbird, Sir.“**  
If he tried to hide the flash of surprise and recognition that appeared in his eyes, he did a poor job of it. But he didn’t comment on it, and Y/N hid her observation in the back of her mind, somewhere he (hopefully) couldn’t access.  
**“Why do you have a name, Thunderbird?“**  
Because she was a person and not a droid? No, that probably wasn’t the answer he was expecting, especially since droids had names too, and she valued her life too much to try and be sassy with him before she got at least a couple of answers.  
**“Because I was recruited by the First Order a few months ago, Sir. I had a life before I was taken in. There's not a lot I remember, but I do remember by own name.“**

He didn’t answer, but he seemed to be thinking about her answer. It took a few moments before he hummed in approval. Y/N felt uncomfortable. To be honest, she could rather be tortured than interrogated like this. He made her feel ill-at-ease. He was acting exactly unlike she had been expecting him to. He wasn’t violent, he wasn’t scolding her. He was just… Asking questions.  
And, you know. Probing her mind. Which was not polite at all.  
**“Your actions protected half of our fleet, today. If you hadn’t shot down the admiral ship, we would have lost the fight. It was a very difficult shot, and yet, Zulu told me you handled it with deadly accuracy. Something you undoubtedly learned before you joined us…“**  
Yes. He was right. Even though she couldn’t remember where she had learned to fly like she did, she was a seasoned pilot, without the shadow of a doubt. The woman had tried to recall where she got her training from, but it only brought her a headache, so she stopped trying. Was that what he had been trying to find in her mind?  
**“While you disobeyed, you did so because Captain Zulu’s orders weren’t aligned with mine anymore. He is a coward, whose fear could have endangered our mission. You saved it. I appreciate your loyalty to the cause.“**  
Hah. That was a surprise. Zulu being called a moron, and her being praised? It must have been freezing in Hell or something.  
**“This calls for a reward. You went beyond your mission as a pilot, today, and you shall be thanked accordingly. I hereby name you Captain of the First Order. You no longer serve under the orders of Captain Zulu. I want you to take the lead of your own squadron.“**

… WHAT THE KRIFF?!  
Y/N had always prided herself in having a killer poker face. But right now, she was easier to read than a Gungan high on spice. Her mouth was agape and her E/C eyes were wide. She was at loss for words. This, she was sure of it, was unheard of in the First Order. A nobody becoming Captain overnight, after disobeying her superior’s orders?! That wasn’t possible. Kylo was making fun of her. But then again, he didn’t seem to be the kind of man who would make jokes…  
It still didn’t check out in her book. Why was he doing that? Why was she even still alive? Why give her the time of the day, and even more, why NAME HER CAPTAIN?! She had so many questions, but the woman didn’t want to push her luck by smothering him with all of them. Instead, she asked the most pressing one:  
**“Which squadron, Sir?“** was the only coherent question she could form with words and that didn't contain swearing.  
And his answer left her even more surprised.  
**“The 204th.“**  
To say the 204th Imperial Fighter Wing was legendary was a meek euphemism. They had been created years ago, during the Imperial Era, and the project was picked up again with the rise of the First Order. They directly worked with the high-ranked officers, were deployed on the most difficult missions. It was completely unrealistic of Ren to think she could lead them.  
Yet…  
**“I… Why? Why me?“** She asked, unable to contain her questions any longer. This was more than what she had bargained for. But just as she had expected, his gaze hardened.  
**“Are you questioning my decisions, Captain?“**  
Captain. It had a nice rang to it, but it still sounded foreign. But she didn't get the opportunity to bask in the glory. Kylo's voice was tainted with danger. Y/N vigorously shook her head no.  
**“No. But with all due respect, Sir, I was a rank-less pilot two minutes ago. I joined the Order maybe two months ago, and I disobeyed a direct order. I’m not the kind of person you see climbing the social ladder.“**  
Welp. She had said it. Y/N was sure he was going to realize his mistake and zap her into nothingness, now. Damn her and her big mouth.  
But he didn’t.  
**“I sense something in you. Something… Unusual.“**

That wasn’t ominous at all. The H/C knew he was some sort of psychic, that he had some powers she knew nothing off. Could they be the reason she was being thrown into the Captain seat? Out of the fire and into the frying pan…  
He put his helmet back on without any other explanation. When he spoke again, his voice was significantly deeper.  
**“You will be shown to your knew quarters. Rest, and come to hangar six tomorrow at eight. I expect you to be at my beck and call. You will be introduced to your new unit, and whatever order I will give you, you will follow it.”**  
He took a step forward and stopped a couple of inches away from her. Y/N didn’t flinch.  
**“I might have accepted your disobedience toward Zulu, but do something like that with one of my orders, and I will kill you on the spot.”**  
Okay, that was fair enough. The H/C had no issue with following orders, provided they weren’t stupid. And Kylo Ren seemed like a smart individual. They would work well together, she was sure of it.  
**“Yes, Sir,”** she simply said, and he hummed in approval. Without another word, he walked away. Y/N watched him as he got closer to the door and then stopped.  
**“One last thing, Captain. Soon, I will call for you. You will come to the location I will provide you with, and not tell anyone about it. Don’t be late.”**  
With that, he opened the door and walked out, his cape flowing behind him, leaving a very confused Y/N in the room.  
What had just happened? Why would he want to see her outside the usual encounters between Captains and their commanders? What wasn’t he telling her?

The woman sighed. She was exhausted and wanted nothing more but to crash in her bunk.  
With one last look through the windows, she walked out as well. Outside, she found the stormtrooper who had walked her there in the first place. He cocked his head to the side.  
**“You’re not dead.”**  
She snorted, finally feeling the pressure leave her body.  
**“I’m not dead.”** She confirmed, holding both her arms out as if she were basking in the praise.  
He nodded with a slight snort and adjusted his blaster.  
**“Master Ren instructed me to bring you to your new quarters. Please follow me.”**

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Y/N awoke in a gasp, sitting up in her bed. Her sheets were clinging to her sweaty skin and her heart was going wild in her chest, like thunder roaring inside of her. She gulped away the dryness of her throat and tried to calm herself down. The images of Kylo Ren were slowly fading away from her mind as she slipped away from her dream and regained consciousness. But the feeling of dread, the prickling of his Force intrusion in her mind… She could still feel them.  
Everything was quiet. She couldn’t hear anything from the hallway, but she was sure that if anyone was to walk past her room, they would hear her heart beating like crazy. These memories always came back to haunt her. Her time in the First Order was one she could never truly be able to leave behind.  
With trembling hands, she pushed the covers away from her body and sat on the edge of the bed. The cool air o the room made her shiver. Or maybe that was the adrenaline, she wasn’t quite sure.

Navigating in the darkness with the held of her extended hands, she made her way to the bathroom and tilted her head under the faucet, happily taking huge sips of water. It calmed her down a bit and quenched her thirst. The dim light above the mirror casted a cold hue on her features. She met her own eyes in the reflection; she looked pale, as if she had just seen a ghost.  
Maybe she had.  
Y/N splashed some water on her face and went back to her bed, taking the time to glance at the clock on the way. It was five thirty. She still had a few hours to sleep, assuming she could find sleep again.  
As she snuggled under the covers once more, she focused on happier thoughts. The promise of a brighter future, her new friends.  
The thought of impressing Poe the following morning and showing him that she could give him a run for his money.  
The H/C smiled to herself. She had always liked a good challenge, and surprising her General was exactly the kind of excitement that would get her motor running. The ruthless teasing the had been a victim of earlier was still fresh in her mind; and call it pride or stubbornness, but Y/N wanted to make sure he knew she wasn’t actually that easy to mess with.  
She fell asleep with a smile on her face, her memories of Kylo pushed to the back of her mind. They wouldn’t bother her again, not that night.  
Instead, she dreamed of an X-Wing with an orange droid next to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun duuun! Finally, the MC got to meet Poe. Brace yourself, it will only get sassier from there.


	4. Feels Like The First Time

The following morning came too fast, but at the same time, not fast enough. Y/N woke up the second her data pad beeped, showing the time. Time to go, start the day.  
Meet her new team, and jump into action.  
She got dressed quickly, putting on a fresh jumpsuit (they had delivered a ton of them to her room while she was working on her ship) and a clean, white t-shirt. They smelled faintly of lemon and soap. Such a minute detail, but it made her feel welcomed. The chemical smell of the industrially washed First Order uniform was long gone. This would end up smelling like home, she had no doubt about it.  
Even though they probably didn’t realize it or did it on purpose, the member of the Resistance — as Y/N would forever call them even though they weren’t at war anymore — acted like one big family. They had meals together, took care of one another, treated their colleagues as equals and not as rivals. And the smell of the washing machine used to clean the grease off the dirty jumpsuits was a tiny, yet important touch to this home-like feeling. It perfectly embodied the values this group seemed to uphold…  
Well. She had spent enough time with her collar pressed against her face. If anyone was to walk in, they would find her sniffing her new clothes and that would be weird.  
After tying her hair in two braids, Y/N walked out of her room, commlink strapped to her wrist and sleeves of her orange, shapeless blob of a uniform tied around her waist. She was in an excellent mood, even though she was beyond stressed out for the upcoming meeting. The H/C had slept like a log, was well-rested, and some of her first day jitters had been brushed to the side after she had realized the meeting with Poe had happened earlier than expected.  
The E/C-eyed pilot had no idea if he had done it on purpose to put her at ease, but she was grateful either way.

With a soft smile on her face, she waltzed into the cafeteria. It was packed with groggy people and half-asleep technicians, nodding off over their data pad. Y/N stopped near the entrance, eyeing the room to find-  
 **“DUCKLING! Over here!“**  
Of course he had found her first.  
A hand shot up from the mass of orange bodies, followed by a bearded face. Some people shot her dark looks as she walked past them, but she decided not to pay attention. She was in too good of a mood. It was her first official day as a pilot! No amount of hate could bring her down.  
After slaloming between sleepy workers, she managed to reach Skylen’s table. He was sitting with a group of people she didn’t know, some of them pilots, some of them clad in the dark suits the mechanics wore. The man shot her a bright smile and patted the empty space beside him.  
 **“Morning, Sleeping Beauty! Ready to kick this day in the ass?“**  
Y/N chuckled at his colorful language but nodded nonetheless.  
 **“After I eat something and grab a big cup of coffee, yeah.“**  
Skylen protectively wrapped his hand around his own mug.  
 **“Over there, by the counter. The machine’s a bit tricky to handle, though. I would show you, but frankly, I don’t want to drink mine cold. I’m sure you’ll manage.“**  
Well, so much about helping each other out. Y/N grimaced.  
 **“I understand. Save me this seat, okay? By the way, where’s Klana?“  
“She gets up early to run around the base a bit. She’ll join us for the debrief,“** he said. How could she find the strength to jog this early in the morning?! Y/N was barely a functioning human without her daily coffee shot.

Y/N made her way toward the counter, where she found the machine that was, miraculously, unoccupied at the moment. She made a beeline for it and stood in front of it… Only to curse under her breath. How was she supposed to use it?  
As she went to grab a mug (that was a great first step), she noticed someone had taped a piece of paper to the wall. In old ink, it read ‘Press red button until the machine beeps, then press the green one once’. Y/N smiled. No doubt someone had taken pity of the newcomers a while ago and made the sign. She sent them a thankful mental note and followed the instructions carefully. A few moments later, her coffee was ready and Y/N eagerly picked up the mug, put it on a tray and made her way toward the cook droid.  
 **“Hey! How are you today?“** She asked cheerfully. She didn’t know if the robot was programmed to make small talk, but it didn’t matter. She would try.  
 **“I am feeling good. Do you want eggs or Nubian pancakes?“**  
So much for the small talk.  
Y/N cleared the line as soon as her plate was full of pancakes and she walked back to her seat. Skylen was done with his breakfast already, but he was still seated and enthusiastically speaking with one of his friends. Y/N silently slid on the bench and took a big sip of the burning hot liquid.  
Ahhh. That was as close to heaven as it could get.  
 **“Hey! Duckling! Let me introduce you. I hope you brought a notepad with ya, because you’re gonna learn a lot of new names today. Nobody will blame ya if you mess them up. I still do years later.“**  
She snorted and put her mug down.  
 **“Is that supposed to reassure me?“**  
Skylen rolled his blue eyes.  
 **“Someone’s awfully sarcastic today. And here I was being nice!“**  
Someone laughed by his side and Y/N leaned forward to see who it was. A woman, in her early forties, with deep chocolate skin and black, silky hair. She had bright blue eyes and was looking at Skylen with an unimpressed look.  
 **“Don’t listen to the drama queen. I’m Mala. We’ve met very briefly yesterday. I’m part of Green squad.“**  
Y/N remembered and shot the woman a warm smile. Skylen took it as his cue to take back control of the conversation. He leaned forward to block Y/N’s view and the woman rolled her eyes.  
 **“As I was saying… This is Mala. The guy you flew with yesterday is Kloon. Trained in emergency medicine. You’ll see Petrov later, he’s weird as heck. Whatever you do, don’t bring up his bald head.“**  
…What?  
She really should have brought a notepad with her.

While stuffing her face with the pancakes, Y/N listened intently to what Skylen was saying. He presented a technician she was sure she had seen yelling at his colleague the day before, and a mechanic she had seen in the garage when she had left. Then, her eyes fell on a familiar, face.  
 **“This is Varun. He and his team handle the repairs on our squad’s ships. You’ll see him around a lot. He saved my ass countless times, fixed the ship in record time. Pretty sure we would have blown up already if it wasn’t for his magic fingers.“**  
The mechanic wiggled said fingers to prove Skylen’s point and sent her a bright smile. He was young, younger than her without a doubt, even if it was only by a couple of years.  
 **“Nice to see you again! You did a great job with your ship’s engine. Even with Dameron distracting you. We’re gonna make a decent mechanic out of you, I’m telling you!“**  
Oh, no. What had he done?  
He didn’t seem to realize how badly he had screwed up until Skylen hit the table with his closed fist, drawing attention from a couple of passersby. Y/N didn’t necessarily want anyone to know she had run into Poe the night before. She had, after all, made a fool of herself.  
And here had she hoped it would have gone unnoticed. Apparently not.

 **“Wait- you met the General? When? Where? And how come I don’t know about it yet? I want the details, Duckling! And I want them yesterday!“**  
For such a big guy with a gruff look on him, Skylen acted like a damn teenage girl. Y/N rolled her eyes, toying with the rest of her pancakes. There was no escaping this one. She sighed and put her fork down, glancing up. Six pairs of eyes were staring at her. The H/C nervously tightened one of her braids, which was particularly useless considering they hadn’t budged.  
 **“Well. He crept up on me after you left. And I made a fool of myself because I repeated what you told me. I told him I had my doubts about him being the best pilot of the Galaxy. And he laughed. Mind you, I didn’t know who he was because SOMEONE forgot to tell me what he looks like,“** she added, sending a glare in Skylen’s direction. The pilot merely smiled innocently.  
 **“Actually, I do recall you saying something along the lines of ‘I’ll believe it when I see it’ and Poe laughing his ass off,“** Varun interrupted. Laughter rose from the small group and Y/N grunted.  
 **“Whose side are you on?! I didn’t know who he was! And he was teasing me. I thought he was one of those overly confident pilots I’ve seen so many times. I couldn’t have known!“**  
As they laughed wholeheartedly, Y/N couldn’t help but to thank the stars he didn’t have a short temper. Some people didn’t take very nicely the doubts that were thrown their way. She internally winced, remembering how badly it had gone the last time she had accidentally made fun of one of her superiors. The blaster burn on her ankle was here to back her claims.

But the more time she spent with her new teammates, the more she realized she had to let go of her irrational fears. Constantly comparing them to the troopers she had lived with wasn’t fair on anyone, and it wouldn’t help her move on.  
Could she, though? The wound the First Order had left in her soul was so deep she was pretty sure nothing could heal it. The fear, the disgust, were so deeply rooted in her being they would always be there. But she couldn’t let them have a hold on her. Skylen was not Zulu, Finn wasn’t Hux, and Poe wasn’t Kylo. The kindness in his eyes showed as much.  
Lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t realized her bearded companion was talking to her until she felt something touch her shoulder. She jumped, startled, and immediately grabbed her knife to defend herself-  
 **“I’m sure he didn’t take it too personally! Poe is a lot of things, but he doesn’t hold a grudge.“**  
She relaxed when she realized there was no danger in sight and dropped the knife back on the plate as discreetly as she could; before smiling softly.  
 **“He laughed it off. Told me I would soon see just how good he was.“**  
And, to be honest, she was looking forward to it. The last time she had been part of a unit, it was under strict circumstances; follow the orders, don’t question them. She followed Ren’s, and her team followed hers. There was no playful competition in the ranks. But this time, they were encouraged to challenge one another and themselves, too. And from what Finn had told her, Poe was in dire need of some competition…  
She would gladly deliver.  
 **“Well, Duckling, you’re in luck, because the time is upon us. We gotta move out of here or we’re gonna be late for the first debrief. After the catastrophic first impression you made on him yesterday, we wouldn’t want to give him a reason to tease you even more, now, would we?“**  
Y/N raised her middle finger as her only answered and walked out of the room, Skylen’s cackles following her as she marched out.  
He was insufferable.

It was a beautiful day outside, and the woman was very glad to be able to witness it. She liked space, she really did - but sometimes, the empty vastness was cold and lonely. Kuat was anything but; it was a warm, sunny planet. Birds were chirping, the sun was shining and the light bounced off the X-Wings’ freshly-cleaned fuselages. Just like Skylen had predicted, Klana had joined them, her forehead covered in a thin layer of sweat she had quickly wiped off when her Commander had teased her about it. The sun warmed up Y/N’s skin and the woman took in a deep breath of fresh air as they stepped outside.

The X-Wings were lined up, squeaky clean and ready for takeoff. Small scraps could still be seen, war wounds collected during countless fights they either couldn’t or didn’t want to erase. Much like actual scars or tattoos, X-Wings had physical reminders of their battles, too. Y/N found that to be very poetic. And although she wasn’t looking forward to damaging her brand new ship, she was eager to experience new adventures with her and see what memories they would make together.  
Her eyes were drawn to her own ship, which was the closest to the door. It had been freshly painted, or at least, the paint job had gotten a lifting. It was stunning, undoubtedly pampered during the night by the team of mechanics.  
As they walked past it, Y/N took a look at the other ships. Most of them were similar to hers, but there was one that was very different; black and orange, the most recent model of the fleet; she would have bet her hand that it was Poe’s.

It was funny to her how Poe-like the ship was. Dark like his curls, orange like his droid and his suit. She smiled softly. The man was an open book.  
And said pilot was standing a bit further, speaking with a Togruta. BB-8 stood by his side and the little ball perked up when he heard the newcomers.  
 **“Little booger! How’ve you been?”**  
Skylen ran forward and dropped to his knees, affectionately rubbing the little droid’s head. Klana chuckled.  
 **“Everyone loves BeeBee, I swear. He and Poe are the perfect duo.”**  
Y/N glanced at her new friend. She was watching Skylen with soft eyes and even though she was pretending to be annoyed by his loud display of affection, the tiniest smile was tugging at her lips. The H/C snorted.  
 **“I mean... he _is_ adorable.”  
“Not you, too!”** Klana answered, eyes wide in feigned shock. The two women shared a laugh and this seemed to get Poe’s attention. He turned his head toward them and shot them a boyish grin. In a few steps, he was standing in front of the two pilots. He was wearing the same flight suit Y/N had seen him with the day before, but his curls were slightly more tamed and he had shaved.

 **“Klan, it’s good to see you,”** he started, before his eyes fell on Y/N. Although she felt very self-conscious and nervous, considering how they had met and what was at stake that day, the woman didn’t look away. Poe grinned.  
 **“Y/N. I hope you’re ready to have your mind blown.”**  
Was his cocky self always invited to the party? The H/C couldn’t help it and rolled her eyes. She flinched immediately and involuntarily, expecting to be scolded, but of course, Poe didn’t say anything. The moment of doubt was over as fast as it came and the E/C-eyed pilot answered:  
 **“Sure thing, General. I was warned about friendly fire, after all.”**  
He laughed and clamped her shoulder, a habit she had already noticed.  
 **“Your sarcasm will fit right in with Skylen’s. No wonder you two hit it off.”**

Said pilot was still cooing at BB-8, who looked very happy to be the center of attention. Poe squeezed her arm and added:  
 **“Also, first rule of the squad: you only call me Poe. General was Leia’s moniker.”**  
Yikes. That wasn’t something she was used to, and she would slip up without a doubt. Her military rigor was deeply rooted in her core function, and calling someone by something else than their title when they were above her was unsettling.  
 **“Yes, Gen- Poe.”**  
He chuckled again and let go of Y/N’s arm, focusing his hazel gaze on Klana instead. The curly woman was watching silently with visible amusement.  
 **“She’s funny,”** he said, and the woman smiled.  
 **“And you can also tell by her body language she’s incredibly uncomfortable, Poe. It’s her first day. Go easy on her.”**  
Was she that easy to read?! But a quick look down showed her that she was standing with her weight on one foot, and she had her arms crossed.  
So much for appearing confident.  
Poe didn’t seem to mind and smiled warmly. Did he ever stop smiling?  
 **“No need for that. We don’t bite. At least not before the third date.”**  
Uh-oh, he was charming, sassy AND a flirt with anyone he met. That wasn’t a good combination. Klana snorted and the man turned around, letting out an audible, yet exaggerated, groan.  
 **“Come on, Blue. Leave my droid alone. He is purring so bad he’s gonna turn into a Loth Cat.”  
“Not my fault he is cuter than you!”** Skylen retorted as BB-8 beeped in approval. He was truly the mascot of the squad. Poe rolled his eyes playfully before he clapped loudly.  
 **“Gather round, everyone!“**

Y/N walked closer to Skylen and the three pilots stood near an X-Wing as the other squad members got closer. Poe stood in the middle of the newly-formed circle, not bothered in the slightest by the amount of attention that was on him. The H/C stood by Klana’s side, slightly behind her. She didn’t really enjoy attention in any way, shape or form. And she knew that as the newest member, eyes would be on her soon enough anyway. Might as well enjoy standing on the side for as long as she could. Maybe, one day, when she wasn’t new anymore, she could get more confident. Like she used to be before the… incident.  
This seemed like it was a thousand years ago. Maybe it was. The Y/N back then was a different person. The years hadn’t been kind to her and to the guilt she carried.  
 **“As you know,“** Poe’s voice interrupted, **“ever since Ara went on maternity leave, we’ve been down one ship. That’s no longer the case. Y/N will be joining Blue squad under my orders. Every single one of you is gonna fly with her, so I suggest you get to know one another. I don’t want to hear anything about whatever stupid rumor has been floating around. I trust you to be better than that, or I’ll kick your asses, no questions asked.“**  
That was one hell of an introduction. Y/N winced, but there were no complaints.  
 **“I’ve seen her fly. She’s good. That’s all I give a crap about,“** Skylen perked up. They nodded in agreement, and the woman smiled. This guy was a blessing.  
She wouldn’t tell him, though, because he would probably get cockier than he already was.

 **“What was your test run time, Rookie?“** A woman asked. Y/N took it as her cue to walk forward, coming to stand inside the circle and forcing herself not to look down.  
 **“Four two.“**  
Appreciative whistles were the only answer she got from the other female pilot. Poe nodded, visibly satisfied.  
 **“Okay, that’s good enough for me. Better than _my_ test run back in the day, I’ll tell you that much,“** another guy said.  
 **“Not as good as mine, but hey, I’m impressed. You’re not too far off.“**  
Y/N turned her gaze to her leader. He was obviously waiting for her reaction, expecting her to ask him about it. She really didn’t want to feed his ego like that, but Y/N was also curious.  
 **“Alright, I’ll bite. What was your time, Gen- Poe?“**  
He gave her a boyish grin.  
 **“Three fifty-four.“**  
Kriffing Hell. The guy was VERY good.  
And he was aware of it, judging by how big his grin was. She didn’t say anything back, biting away every snarky clawback that had crossed her mind. Challenging the General to a fly-off would NOT be her smartest moment, and she had had quite a lot of the ‘I’m so stupid’ ones. Making a fool of herself on the first day was not something she was planning on doing.

Poe then proceeded to make the introductions, listing everyone’s names and positions. He explained she would be number four, flying on the side when they formed the regular, star-shaped formation. She was fine with that.  
 **“Normally, I would have waited for you to get a crash course in flight strategy, but considering what you did for a living, I’m assuming you understand what I’m talking about,“** had he said, and Y/N had nodded in response. She had been where he was, a long time ago. She remembered every single detail about her flights.  
She couldn’t have forgotten them even if she had wanted to anyway.  
Explosions and falling ships flashed behind her eyelids. Just for a second, Poe’s voice was covered by the screams she had once heard. She shook her head. Now was not the time.  
 **“Okay! Now, for today’s missions. BeeBee, show us the map, please.“**  
The little ball rolled forward and projected a hologram on the ground.  
 **“This is a routine check-in. The Senate has us patrolling in the deeper areas they can’t control, the ones we haven’t checked for war refugees yet. Green squad, Blue will take you on the right side of the planet. You need to scan the surface for any life forms. There shouldn’t be any. Blue squad, we’re going left, same job. Keep your eyes open, it should be deserted, but we might run into some unexpected trouble. Are we all good?“**  
Everyone nodded and Y/N’s heart started beating faster. That was it. They were really doing it! Her first mission. Nothing too exciting, but her nerves felt like a million tiny, raw wires. It was a big deal.

A comforting hand landed on her shoulder and her eyes met Poe’s. He was smiling at her.  
 **“You’ve got this, Y/N.“**  
Simple words, but they sent a shockwave down her spine. Y/N gave him a single nod and the brown-haired man winked before walking to his X-Wing. She imitated him, just as the mechanics came out of the garage, followed by the astromech droids. Y/N was assigned to a red R2 unit she waved at when it was loaded into her ship. She climbed up the ladder, zipped her jumpsuit up and grabbed the helmet they had put into the cockpit. It looked exactly like her ship; blue and white. She smiled. From then on, it would be hers forever.  
Or until she got blown up in space, whichever came first.  
The transparisteel canopy closed on her, blocking every sound coming from outside of the cockpit. She was alone in the cramped space, but she didn’t mind. She had always liked it. It was her, her skills, and her ship against the rest of the world.  
Her commlink crackled with an incoming private message and she took the call.  
 ** _“Try not to get starstruck when you see Dameron flying, Duckling.“_**  
Y/N rolled her eyes. Of course, Skylen would make a snarky comment right before they took off.

She turned her head right, seeing her friend grinning at her from the X-Wing next to hers. The woman hung up on him and flipped him off. She saw him laughing and could very much hear him in the back of her head. Prick. Why was he teasing her that much anyway?  
Truth be told, Y/N understood why. Poe Dameron was the Poster boy of the Resistance, legendary pilot and all-round badass. The new pilot wasn’t stupid enough not to see how women and men alike swooned over him. But she wasn’t one to get starstruck. He was a pilot before anything else, and would expect her to be nothing but perfectly professional. And yes, she might have been impressed by the rumored skills he had - but that was it. She wasn’t going to act like a schoolgirl with a crush, she barely knew the guy anyway, and he was too flirty with everyone to her liking.  
Why was she thinking about that, anyway?!  
 ** _“Alright, squads. We’re cleared for takeoff.“_**  
She powered her ship on and a few moments later, the ten pilots were in the air. Y/N swiftly took her mark, and both squadrons reached the vastness of space. One second later, they disappeared with a white flash as they jumped into hyperspace.

————————————————————————————————————

When they landed, hours later, Y/N was relieved to take off her helmet. The damn thing was crushing her skull.  
The smile on her face, however, didn’t come off with the tight headpiece.  
The mission had been boring — Poe’s words — and uneventful. The planet they had scanned was empty, a lifeless rock swooped by strong winds. The flight had gone without a hitch, the only thing worth mentioning being the asteroid field they had had to cross to reach their destination. It wasn’t very dense and although it took them half an hour to get through, it wasn’t really difficult. Poe had seemed impressed enough with Y/N’s abilities to point them out, though, and the woman had felt the weight on her shoulder lift. She had been afraid to screw up out of sheer nervousness. He would have surely reconsidered his decision! But nothing had happened.  
And now, the H/C was grinning proudly. She fist-bumped in the air and let out a happy yelp before pushing the cockpit opening button. Giddy with happiness, her nervosity long forgotten, she leaned across the open canopy and gave a thumbs up to the droid before jumping down — almost missing a rung and breaking her neck, too — on the ground. Her hair was a mess and small baby hair was sticking out of her ponytail. It was slightly greasy from being stuck under the hardened hat for so long, but she didn’t care. Skylen’s ship had landed right before hers and the man was already making her way toward her-  
 **“YOU DID IT!“**  
… But Klana got here first. The black-haired pilot was jumping up and down and wrapped the other woman in a tight hug, something she seemed to be doing a lot.  
 **“I’m so proud of you! See? Nothing to be worried about! You looked so nervous, earlier, while you were talking with Poe. But I knew you belonged in this squad!“**  
She squished her against her chest and Y/N let out a breathy “what are you doing?“  
 **“I’m hugging you. Don’t fight.“**  
Okay, then. The H/C chuckled and wrapped her arms around Klana. When was the last time she had gotten a hug?  
…Never?  
Wow, that was sad.  
 **“Yeah, yeah. We’re all happy she didn’t make a fool of herself in front of Dameron when she wanted to impress him, huh?“** Skylen chimed in, and Y/N felt more than she saw Klana glaring at him.  
 **“Don’t be an asshole, Skylen!“** she answered indignantly. **“You were a mess too on your first day.“**  
The man cackled as the two women broke their hug. Y/N huffed and rolled her eyes.  
 **“I did NOT want to impress him, Kriff. I just wanted to prove that I was good enough to be there.“**  
 **“Sounds an awful lot like impressing him.”** He answered with a dismissive shrug. **“It’s okay to have a crush-“**  
Wowowowow where did THAT CAME FROM?!  
Y/N chocked on air indignantly, coughed, and choked again. Skylen and Klana exchanged a look and burst out laughing.  
 **“You should have seen your face! Hah! I was just teasing you. Or was I?”**  
Oh, come on! One day there and they were already annoying her to death?

 **“I’m not even answering that. You’re an idiot,”** Y/N huffed. The bearded man cackled once again.  
 **“Ah, don’t worry, half of the base has a crush on him so you definitely wouldn’t be the only one. I was just messing with ya, Duckling.”**  
She narrowed her eyes at him. And before she could stop herself, answered with:  
 **“Sure, Furball.”**  
Skylen stopped laughing immediately and stared at her, eyes wide as plates.  
 **“You... what?”**  
Uh-oh. Had she gone too far? No, he had given her a nickname an hour after they had met, he couldn’t be offended, could he?  
Ah, who cared, he had it coming!  
 **“Furball. Because you have hair everywhere. If I have a nickname, you deserve one, too.”**

The two older pilots stared, mouth agape, at each other. Y/N frowned. What the hell-  
 **“Maker! She gave me a nickname! We’re officially best friends!”**  
... he was unhinged.  
Y/N rolled her eyes as Skylen wiped a fake tear from his eye.  
 **“Am I interrupting?”**  
The three of them jumped and turned around, only to find Poe standing with his arms crossed and both eyebrows raised. He looked amused.  
... how long had he been standing there?  
 **“We, uh,”** Y/N said before she could stop herself. **“We're not talking about you.”**  
Talk about being subtle… He blinked once, twice, and laughed.  
 **“Okay then. I wanted to let you three know that we’re having a party tonight. A bonfire in the forest outside the base, to celebrate the newbies making it into the squads. That means you, Y/N,”** he added.  
Skylen let out a happy “yes” and Klana fist-bumped him, but the H/C only furrowed her brows in confusion.  
 **“I... that’s nice. I just don’t really see what’s to celebrate, you have newcomers all the time, don’t you?”**  
Poe looked at her for a moment, and the woman feared she had said something offensive. Her two friends had shared a look of... pain? Sadness? She didn’t know. Their General nodded toward the deserted airfield.  
 **“Walk with me for a bit?”**

Of course, she had said yes, and the four of them had parted ways. Klana and Skylen had gone off to get ready for the bonfire and Poe and Y/N were walking down the airfield, walking along the wall of the building. The sun was setting, painting the usually cold concrete with beautiful shades of red and pink. Poe was silent for a moment, which was out of character for him, Y/N was sure of it.  
 **“You handled yourself pretty well today. They made the right call, assigning you to my squad.”**  
Another compliment? Was she dreaming? Or was it normal but she had been deprived of any form of recognition for so long she had forgotten it even existed?  
... had she been praised by Ren, even once? Had she been told he was proud of her?  
No, of course not.  
 **“Thanks, Gen- Poe,”** she corrected herself. He gave her a crooked smile.  
 **“You’re having a hard time remembering my name, huh? That doesn’t usually happen. Should I be offended?”**  
Y/N snorted but shook her head no. What a flirt.  
 **“I’m sorry. I’m used to people being super sensitive about their titles. If you called someone by the wrong rank, you could be killed. Especially people like Kylo Ren.“**  
His outbursts were well-known.

Poe nodded thoughtfully and took a second before answering:  
 **“I’ve always hated the guy. He went full-on emo crap and killed a lot of my friends. Just because he wanted revenge.”**  
He huffed and shook his head. His hazel eyes had the glimmer of pain in them. This man was exhausted of losing people.  
She could relate.  
 **“That’s actually the reason we have those parties. …Not Ren’s obsession with black. The dying thing.“** He added, a smile tugging at his lips. **“I didn’t want to say it in front of the others because I don’t want to open old wounds, but... you deserve to know.”**  
They had reached the end of the wall. From there, it was only a forest. Poe stopped to look at it for a second. His expression was thoughtful. The wind was gently rustling through the leaves and through the strands of his black hair.  
 **“During the war, we had nothing. We were barely surviving. The number of people in our ranks was decreasing because they kept killing more of us. And each successful mission was an excuse to celebrate. Leia used to say it boosted our morals. I think she was right.”**  
He turned to her. His eyes were full of determination.  
 **“Finn and I kept the tradition. It’s a way to bring everyone together. This way, we don’t forget. And you never know what could happen in the future. If this damn war taught me anything, it’s that you can’t take things for granted. For all we know, things could go to Hell tomorrow morning. Might as well celebrate while we can.”**

This was... awfully accurate. Y/N didn’t say anything. She understood. Soldiers, and pilots especially, tended to have a shorter lifespan.  
 **“I’m not usually this depressing, I swear,”** he said with a laugh. **“But you’re one of us now. You need to understand.”  
“I do,”** she immediately answered.  
Poe raised a curious brow, and Y/N sighed. She hadn’t planned on telling him - or anyone - about it, but...  
 **“We never had parties, obviously. But whenever we lost someone, we would have a wake. Play Sabacc, darts. Drink. It was the only time we behaved like actual humans with one another.”**  
She pushed back a loose stray of hair away from her face. The memories of the few evenings they had spend laughing would never leave her. They were among the only moments in the First Order she didn’t regret playing a role in.  
 **“To you, they were the enemy. To me, they were friends. They weren’t good people. But they were all I had. We all knew we were disposable, so celebrating making it through another fight was the closest thing we had to existing. I had it easy since I was an officer, but…”**  
That wasn’t exactly true. If anything, Ren was harder on her because she was leading her squadron. He was her direct superior officer. If Y/N screwed up anything, she had to deal with his anger.  
And the woman knew very well how that usually ended.  
 **“I’m just trying to say... I’m glad you’re doing that. It’s nice to matter again to the commanding chain,”** the H/C added with a chuckle but it didn’t hold any humor. It was an empty sound, and Poe wasn’t stupid. He knew she wasn’t joking.  
But it wasn’t his place to push it. Not for now, at least.  
Instead, he chuckled with her, out of politeness. It amazed him how easily he could fake his emotions, now. Maybe it came with being a General.  
 **“Hey, we’re always glad to have an excuse to drink. Especially since we’re not going out tomorrow. Also, it’s way easier to get your hands on alcohol now than it used to be. So let’s go, get ready, let your hair down a bit. The last two days have been eventful for you, and you deserve to relax, ‘Kay?”**  
He winked, patted her shoulder as he usually did and walked away, leaving Y/N to admire the beautiful, painting-like view of the forest. The deep shades of green twirled together in perfect harmony and the wind rustling through the leaves was music to her ears. Kuat really was a nice planet, especially now that it had been cured of the gangrene that was war. Nature had taken back its power and it gently wrapped anyone who would listen in a blanket of peacefulness. Y/N had always loved the outdoors. There was something both thrilling and calming in the vastness of the uncharted lands one could visit, should they seek them.

Her talk with Poe had given her a sense of usefulness and the scenery was giving her mind the gift of peacefulness. The woman had never felt so at ease before. Everything, from the base to the people, was welcoming. Light years away from the coldness and disdain of the white hallways she had roamed, clad in her black, fitted uniform. The star destroyer had always had a certain surgical vibe. Squeaky clean, impersonal, military, hostile to the human feelings and thoughts one could have.  
But Kuat felt like home already. And the woman was slightly scared to realize it. Because, really, Poe was right; it could very well end as it had begun, everything could crumble to ashes in a day. For all she knew, Y/N could be forced to leave the following morning. Was she ready for the heartbreak? Would it be worth it?

Her commlink beeped before she could think about it and she glanced down at her wrist. Klana had sent her a message.  
 _Take a shower and meet me in my room! You probably don’t have many casual clothes yet. I’ll lend you some._  
The woman was a gift. Her dark thoughts were pushed away as the pilot smiled unwillingly and, with one last look at the murmuring forest, she turned away and started walking toward the base.  
It took her only five minutes to get to her room, five more to shower, and another five to put on her trusty leather jacket as well as a plain shirt and a jumpsuit she tied around her midsection so she wouldn’t walk pantless. It wasn’t the most glamorous thing she had ever worn, but she hadn’t had time to get herself some new possessions yet. On her next day off, she would have to hit the town and use the pile of credits she had stacked in her top drawer. She had almost died for the damn thing, might as well find it a use.  
It took her a while to reach Klana’s room. It wasn’t in the same sector she had her own room in, and Y/N took so many wrong turns that when he finally reached her destination (after kindly asking a poor technician to point her in the right direction), her head was spinning.  
So much for being sure she could find her way easily.

She knocked and the smiling face of her friend appeared as the door whooshed open.  
 **“Come in!“** Klana said, and dragged her inside before the E/C-eyed woman could get a word out.  
The pilot’s room was full of trinkets, undoubtedly collected during her travels. It was also bigger than Y/N’s, as excepted. The dresser was covered in pictures and posters, and necklaces were pinned to the corners of the piece of furniture, dangling softly as Klana moved around the room. On her desk, she had several jars of sand, some of them coarse and red, others thin and white.  
The whole place screamed “travel“ to Y/N. And to someone who had never really taken the time to enjoy the scenery of the planets she had visited since she was always on the run, it was a sight for sore eyes.  
 **“Kriff, don’t take it the wrong way, but this look is not working in your favor. Showing up like this at the bonfire will win you a one-way ticket to the butt of everyone’s jokes.“**  
Well. Y/N had not been expecting a military base to care that much about looks. Were they all secretly into fashion? She didn’t think so. The woman usually dressed practical whenever she wasn’t wearing a uniform - which wasn’t too often. There were far more interesting things to care about than a bunch of clothes…

Klana must have sensed her hesitation because she giggled playfully.  
 **“Relax. I’m not going to have you wear a dress. But Poe told you why we’re having this party, didn’t he? We don’t get too many occasions to dress nicely. If you want to fit in like I know you do, you’ll need to look the part.“**  
The curly woman had an undeniable talent for reading someone’s thoughts, it seemed. And she looked determined to make Y/N a full-time member of the family she had chosen. Why she was so kind to her, the H/C-haired woman didn’t know, but she was grateful nonetheless.  
Y/N watched as her sun-kissed comrade rummaged through her dresser the pendants dangling dangerously faster. How they hadn’t fallen off yet was a mystery.  
A piece of clothing hit her face and the ex-officer jumped, startled. She grabbed her attacker; a simple pair of leather pants.  
 **“No, that won’t do. No. Too pink…“**  
She shuddered upon hearing the word ‘pink’, suddenly aware that she was at Klana’s mercy. Fortunately, her new friend seemed kind enough to spare her the torture of wearing such a color.  
 **“So… How long have you been in the Resistance for?“** Y/N asked, eager to create a diversion and — hopefully — avoid getting hit with a matching pink top. Klana’s voice came out muffled as she leaned forward, looking inside the closet.  
 **“Years. I’m older than you are, and I was actually a Senatorial advisor before. I joined the very day Leia created it. Didn’t even think about it twice… Ah! This will do.“**  
She threw something else and this time, Y/N was ready. Getting slapped in the face once by a flying piece of clothing was very much embarrassing already. All the woman could do at the moment was wait for the storm to pass. Klana was obviously not done yet.  
 **“I didn’t become a pilot on the spot, though. I actually served in communications before. I joined Skylen’s squad a few months ago only. We were out on a mission and I was their translator. We got ambushed, had to get out of here. The guys were too busy shooting so I had to fly the ship myself. They told me I was a natural and Poe had me trained.“**

Even though she had her back facing Y/N, the new pilot knew she was smiling. It was pretty obvious that Klana was fond of Poe. But then again, it was hard to dislike the man.  
Without any warning, she suddenly turned around, holding a pair of shoes in her left hand. She had her brows furrowed.  
 **“I know people tell me I’m too friendly. They call me clingy. I can’t help it. I just…“**  
She let out a sigh and her curls bounced sadly around her face as her brown eyes gazed down.  
 **“I know what it’s like to be the newbie and to be all alone. I wouldn’t wish that to anyone.“**  
With a shy smile, she handed the shoes to Y/N, who balanced them on top of the pile she already had in her arms.  
 **“I’m sorry if I’m weird. You just seemed anxious and I thought I could help-“  
“Hey,“** Y/N interrupted, waving her hand the best she could while holding the pile of clothes. **“You’re not weird. You are very nice, very friendly, and you’ve made me feel welcome. Don’t doubt yourself because some idiot couldn’t appreciate what you’re doing for all of us.“**  
Klana turned bright pink. She was such a sweet soul, Y/N hated how someone had made her feel like a burden. Kind people were rare. She hadn’t come across many of them in her lifetime, and definitely not during her working years.  
 **“Oh. That is nice of you to say. I’m glad. Now come on! Bathroom’s this way. Go and get changed! We don’t want to be late, or all the good booze will be gone.“**  
That would be a tragedy indeed. Y/N hurried off to the small room and changed as instructed. Klana had a good eye, that was for sure; the clothes fit like a glove. The outfit was simple, made of tight leather pants, a sleeveless turtleneck shirt, a belt and knee-high black boots. She put her jacket back on and let her hair loose. The woman felt… good. Not as self-conscious as she had expected to feel. And the alcohol would take care of the remaining anxiety.  
The door opened with a whoosh and she carefully stepped back inside the room. Klana was sitting on the bed, her natural curls out of their ponytail. She smiled brightly.  
 **“You look awesome! It’s been so long since anyone let me dress them up… The others usually don’t have time for it.“**

For someone so friendly, she sure seemed to be lonelier than Y/N had expected. She felt a pang of sympathy for her fellow pilot. It was obvious she was doing her best to be nice to others, make them feel invested in the base’s life, so why didn’t they reciprocate her efforts? Y/N would have given all she had (which was not much) to have someone care even slightly as much as Klana did.  
The E/C-eyed pilot wasn’t a social person, but she felt the need to try, as she had the day before during the flying tests.  
And she had the answer to her question.  
Sure, it could all disappear the following day, or the day after that. But these people deserved to be befriended. They hadn’t let the possibility of upcoming death scare them, so why should Y/N be?  
 **“You can dress me up whenever you want, Klana.“**  
The smile she got as an answer was the only confirmation she needed to know she had made the right choice.

The two women had made their way through the hallways (or, really, Klana had, Y/N had just followed like the clueless puppy she still was) all the way to the landing strip. Someone had lit up a path, which was much welcomed as the sun began to set on Kuat. Fireflies joined the bright lights, fluttering off in the evening sky. They crossed paths with many other soldiers and they all seemed happy. Nobody glared at her or whispered as Y/N walked past them. It was as if they were different people.  
Klana had the right idea dressing up. It looked like everyone had left their soldier personas in their quarters.  
As they got closer to the forest, music filled the air, followed by laughter. Y/N had no idea where the clearing was — she hoped it wasn’t too far away, she was parched.  
Fortunately, they only had to walk for a few moments before they reached the clearing.  
It was stunning. Really wide, with a huge fire in the middle. Tables had been put out near the trees and they were covered with bottles, glasses and food. Someone had hung some sort of fairy lights to the lower branches and a droid was blasting some music. The party Wass already in full swing, even though Y/N was fairly sure it had started not too long ago.  
 **“Y/N! Klana!“**  
As soon as they had stepped foot inside the clearing, someone had called them both. It took less than a second to put a face on the voice as Finn appeared, grinning happily.  
 **“I’m glad you’re here! I heard the mission went well, congratulations! Oh, no, I’ve done it again. Sorry, I’m not supposed to talk about that. This is a party, after all. Poe is gonna kick my ass if he hears me.“**  
Finn was always in a good mood, and Y/N found herself smiling, too. She had instantly liked him. He was a very nice guy, and probably the only person she could relate to.  
 **“Welcome home, then! This is for you newbies. Drinks are on us! We’re really glad to have you, you know. You’re all nice people. But I’m really looking forward to getting to know you. If you need anything, let me know, okay?“**  
Before Y/N could answer his speech, someone called his name, and the General disappeared. The two women exchanged an amused glance.  
 **“Is he always this… This…“  
“This much Finn? Pretty much. He and Poe have so much energy, I don’t know how they do it,“** Klana answered with a laugh.

They joined their usual hangout group, made of both of their squads. Skylen was already there, as expected, and already pretty tipsy.  
Again, as expected.  
 **“DUCKLING! You clean up nice!“** He said with a laugh, swinging his drink carelessly. Some of it spilled to the ground but Skylen didn’t care.  
 **“Someone get her a drink, folks! We gotta have one together! Mala, get the lady some Prow.“**  
Mala obliged, not without rolling her eyes, but Skylen didn’t seem to care. He was grinning happily, and Y/N laughed.  
 **“You know, Duckling, I’m glad you’re here, y’know? You’re funny. I like you.“**  
He draped his arms around the shoulders of both women and awkwardly hugged them.  
 **“You are drunk, Commander,“** Klana stated, and Y/N snorted as the man turned indignantly toward his friend.  
 **“I’m TIPSY, Klan’. Maker, you people are kriffing boring! Okay! Here are your glasses! Y/N, you gotta… You gotta drink it up in one go! EVERYONE, GATHER ROUND! We’re having a welcome drink!“**  
And off he went. Y/N burst out laughing.  
 **“What the Hell?“** She asked as Klana just groaned playfully.  
 **“It’s a tradition. We line up six shots of Garrmorl and you have to knock them back without taking a break.“**  
Kriff.  
All things considered, Y/N wasn’t going to die blown up in her X-Wing. Skylen was going to be the death of her.  
She handed her liquor pretty well, but Garrmorl was… Well. She didn’t have the best history with the drink.  
But it was tradition, right?

Y/N watched anxiously as Skylen carefully poured — with surprising agility, considering how kriffing inebriated he was — six full glasses of alcohol.  
Oh, Maker.  
She winced and her face contorted in pure anxiety. This would not end well. Her discomfort was apparent enough for Klana to gently touch her arm.  
 **“Hey. If you don’t want to do it, Skylen will be more than happy to drink them for you.“**  
Y/N opened her mouth to answer — to express how bad she would feel if she exposed her new teammates to her drunken ass — but her E/C eyes accidentally found a silhouette making its way through the crowd.  
Poe.  
Dang it. Now she couldn’t say no.  
It was a slightly unhealthy thing, to seek approval as she did. But she genuinely wanted to make everything right. To fit right in. It was a bit sad, really, to be that desperate, her inner voice whispered. She knew that. However, it didn’t stop her from feeling like she was in these people’s debt.  
And for the first time ever, she had a fair leader. Maybe she was subconsciously trying to make up for the time wasted by Kylo’s side by getting in Poe’s good grace, she didn’t know.  
She only knew that the General inspired her to be pretty stupid and reckless. The woman was SURE he was already rubbing off on her.

 **“Did someone say welcome drink?“** Poe’s voice interrupted. Y/N turned around, only to find him standing with his arms crossed on his chest and a shit-eating grin on his face. He had switched his usual orange jumpsuit for a leather jacket, fitted pants and a tight shirt.  
He really cleaned up well.  
Which was apparently something everyone seemed to agree on, judging by the longing looks he got from some of his fellow soldiers. Yes, his charming personality was definitely a hit with the ladies.  
Y/N internally rolled her eyes.  
The brown-haired man didn’t seem to care at all, though. His hazel eyes were fixated on the woman in front of him with an intensity that made her squirm on the spot - and she couldn’t even blame the alcohol yet.  
 **“Yeah… Skylen mentioned something about Garrmorl.“** She answered with a sigh, and Poe laughed.  
 **“You’re in for a treat, then. This thing is disgusting. But it’s tradition.“**  
 **“The General is right!“** Interrupted the booming voice of the bearded pilot, who took a glance at his now empty drink in confusion. He shrugged and went back to his teasing.  
 **“Unless you’re too scared…?“**  
Oh Kriff no.  
Y/N took a step forward, feeling emboldened by the challenge - and maybe Poe’s presence, although she wouldn’t say it.  
 **“I can drink you under the table, Furball.“**  
A chorus of ‘OOOOOOS’ rose up from the crowd and Skylen cackled loudly.  
 **“Oh yeah? I’d like to see that happen, Duckling!“**  
Well. There was no backing down, now.  
Don’t try this at home, kids.  
With a pointed look at her friend, Y/N walked toward the table, looked around at her squad members and met Poe’s gaze. He nodded, clearly amused, and the woman took a deep breath in before grabbing the first glass.  
She knocked it back without a second thought, cheers erupting around her. The taste of the Garrmorl was as terrible as she remembered it to be and she almost gagged, but forced herself not to grimace. Skylen would never let her hear the end of it if she did.

She turned the empty glass over and grabbed the second one, then the third one. After the fourth one, she couldn’t even feel her throat. The last two soon joined the first four and she slammed the shooter glass down on the table with a victorious grin.  
 **“Eat that, sucker!“** She said to Skylen. The pilot rolled his eyes.  
 **“I’ll be damned. Kriff.“**  
People were soon swarming her in a drunken reenactment of her test run. Who knew drinking alcohol could make you so popular, huh?  
Y/N was smiling at them, the Garrmorl getting to her head already. Her mind was buzzing around the edges and everything felt slightly fuzzy. She hadn’t eaten yet, drinking that much with an empty stomach was a recipe for disaster…  
The woman jumped when something touched her back. Her head snapped to the side, eyes wide as plates as she looked for whoever had dared -  
 **“You okay?“**  
Poe. Of course, it was Poe.  
He was standing really close to her, undoubtedly so people couldn’t hear what he was saying, with a concerned look on his face. Y/N nodded energetically.  
 **“I’m great. Don’t worry!“**  
He hummed and bit his lip in amusement.  
 **“I wasn’t expecting you to go through it.“**  
The H/C-haired pilot chuckled, eyes trailing on Skylen who was standing against a tree near, talking Klana’s ear off. When had they left her?  
 **“Yeah, well, someone’s recklessness seems to be rubbing off on me.“  
“Ouch.“  
“I was talking about Skylen, but now that you mention it, it could very much be you.“**  
They both laughed for a second until someone called his name. He sent her an apologetic look and shrugged sheepishly.  
 **“I need to make my rounds. Have fun, okay?“  
“Sir, yes Sir.“**  
He rolled his eyes playfully as he walked away, joining Finn by the fire.

Y/N had no idea how much time had passed when she finally sat down on a bench. After her reckless encounter with the glasses of Garrmorl, she had decided to lay off the alcohol for a bit and was feeling much more clear-headed. Her feet were killing her, though, from dancing with Klana and Skylen.  
Or, rather, dancing with Klana, and holding Skylen so he wouldn’t fall flat on his face. For such a big man, he was a lightweight.  
The two pilots had gone away to do Maker knew what, probably grab some food, and Y/N was just sitting alone, a content smile on her face. The party was a hit. Pilots and mechanics wobbled together, drunk as hell, and everyone seemed to be having fun. Poe was right - they really needed these kinds of parties. Even know that the war was over, it still lifted everyone’s spirits.  
Where was the General, by the way? Y/N’s E/C eyes searched the crows for his smiling face, and she found him across the clearing, leaning against a tree, in deep conversation with Kloon.  
Wait. Kloon was actually TALKING with someone? Was that the same Kloon she had flown with a day ago and who hadn’t said anything? Dang. Poe really had outstanding people skills. She was slightly offended.  
Said man accidentally looked in her direction and Y/N purposely looked away. She didn’t want to be caught staring. She was pretty sure he had seen her, but her slightly tipsy mind wouldn’t register that. Hey, it wasn’t her fault he made her nervous. It wasn’t on purpose, she knew that, but still. This hazel gaze of his was unnerving.  
Or maybe it was just him being himself. She wasn’t so sure.  
Poe Dameron was so… unbelievably himself. Y/N was pretty sure she had never met a man like him.  
And she had known quite a lot of cocky pilots.  
As she purposely avoided looking back at him, her eyes fell on a silhouette approaching the fire, and her mood instantly dropped. Her fist clenched around her half-empty glass of Jawa Juice and anger bubbled up her throat.  
 _Tarsen._

The pilot and his squad had just entered the clearing, still dressed in their orange jumpsuits. They had obviously landed not long ago. They went straight for the booze table, and Y/N breathed out a sigh of relief. He hadn’t noticed her. Maybe she could avoid the confrontation altogether, because she was too tipsy to fly straight.  
Deciding she would be harder to spot if she was moving, the E/C-eyed pilot stood up. The soft wind made her chilly and she was suddenly glad to have brought her jacket with her.  
She was sure that could be fixed with some hot food.  
Careful not to get too close to the fire and to stick to the darker spots of the clearing, Y/N made her way to the table and picked a couple of small sausages she popped in her mouth with a delighted hum.  
She had just swallowed the last bite when she felt a presence behind her back-  
 **“You’re still here.“**  
Dang it.

With a sigh, she turned around. As expected, Tarsen was standing right behind her, arms crossed and faced distorted into a disgusted snarl. Y/N rolled her eyes. She was too tipsy to care about his rank. And he was the one coming to pick a fight anyway.  
 **“You didn’t get shot. That’s nice.“**  
Sarcaaaasm. Without a care in the world, Y/N grabbed another sausage and shoved it in her mouth.  
 **“These things are to die for. You should try them.“**  
This seemed to piss him off, for some reason. He glared at her and took a step forward.  
 **“Listen here, buckethead. You wanted a fly off? Let’s-“  
“Don’t even think about it.“**  
The voice chilled her to the bone. Right by their side, Poe had popped up, and his usually warm presence felt colder than Hoth in winter. His face was a mix of seriousness and anger.  
Uh-oh.  
Like the trained soldier she was, Y/N immediately straightened her back, hand joining behind her. She was used to being on the receiving end of her superior’s anger.  
Even though she knew, deep down, that this time, she wasn’t the target of the upcoming outburst. Proof being Poe’s hazel eyes, which were glaring at Tarsen.  
Said idiot turned around and looked visibly startled to be called out like that.  
 **“Poe-“  
“It’s _General Dameron_ to you, Tarsen.“** Poe interrupted.  
Oh. Snap.  
She had only met the guy a day before, but Y/N already knew he wasn’t one to get angry often. However, at this particular moment, his eyes were shooting daggers at the pilot.  
 **“I’m so-“  
“You’ll speak when you’re told to speak. Now, I want to make something very clear, Tarsen.“**  
His eyes fell on Y/N, who felt incredibly out of place. She wasn’t stupid. The woman had read the situation the wrong way. He wasn’t here to shout at her. He was here to defend her.  
Oh, Maker, no.  
Poe’s gaze softened slightly as he looked at her, right before he turned his glare back to Tarsen who didn’t know what to say.  
 **“Poe, don’t…“** the woman mumbled, too low for him to hear her. She wasn’t too sure he would have cared enough to stop even if he had, anyway.

 **“I want to make something clear to EVERYONE here,“** he said, louder. Poe had drawn the attention of the majority of the people who weren’t too drunk to recognize it was their General speaking. Even Finn was listening, but he didn’t seem too surprised.  
That made one of them, at least.  
 **“We do NOT accept bullying of any kind around here. That’s not how Leia taught us to behave. That’s not who we are. And I don’t care who we’re dealing with, who they are, what they’ve done. If they’re willing to work hard, we will take them in. No questions asked. Because that’s who we are.“**  
He was apparently good at making inspiring speeches, too.  
 **“Being horrible to one another, that’s what the First Order did. I won’t stand for that kind of behavior in MY squads. Y/N is part of one of them and she deserves the same amount of respect you’d give to ANYONE.“**  
Oh, no. That was it. He had made it about her.

If she could have made a wish at this moment, the ex-TIE pilot would have asked the genie to open the ground under her feet and to have it swallow her whole. Everyone was staring at her, now, and she hadn’t drunk nearly enough alcohol to feel comfortable in that setting.  
Why? Why couldn’t he just… let it go? Didn’t he know it was going to have the opposite effect? Her shoulders slumped. All she ever wanted was to be a random pilot…  
 **“Poe, let’s not make a scene. It’s okay.“** The H/C tried.  
 **“Oh, no, let’s,“** he answered without even looking at her. Y/N cringed. Why couldn’t he just listen to her?! She hadn’t asked to be protected. To have someone stand up to her… That wouldn’t make things better. She knew that more than anyone.  
 **“Disrespect her again,“** the hazel-eyed pilot said, **“and you’re demoted. Now get the hell out of here. Get some rest. Come back tomorrow morning with a clear head.“**  
Tarsen looked pissed. His left hand was twitching as if he wanted to bark back, but the look Poe sent him was enough to stop him from doing so. He grumbled a “yes, General“ and walked away, fuming.  
Y/N let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. The laughter and the jokes had died down and the clearing was silent. Poe glared at Tarsen as he disappeared toward the base, and the woman took the opportunity to sneak away from him, going back to the shadows.  
It took the General five seconds to break into a grin and say:  
 **“Come on! I think I saw that droid pop open a new bottle of Jawa Juice! You’re not gonna let me drink that one on my own, huh?“**

People laughed politely and started chatting again, albeit quietly than they had been before Poe’s outburst.  
It looked like anyone had managed to leave behind their worries and their status, but not her. No, Y/N couldn’t be separated from her job, as it seemed. She couldn’t really be just “Y/N“. All of these people… They would never accept her for her, not truly, would they?  
Poe’s intentions were pure. He had wanted to clear the air, and it was his role. But in doing so, he invited work to the party. Y/N was really uncomfortable. Why couldn’t she be left alone? That’s all she had ever wanted. To be part of the crowd, not stand out from it. The H/C-haired woman sighed, toying with the edge of her glass with her thumb. Her good mood had left the party. She felt the urge to do the same. Her E/C eyes fell on the crowd, gathered around the campfire. People were talking and laughing, but things were more quiet, now. And it was her fault, truly. She had been the one who disturbed the peace. She was the scrap of metal in the well-oiled engine…  
Her head started to spin, and it wasn’t from the alcohol. She downed the rest of her glass in one go, barely registering the way it burned down her throat. The pilot abandoned her empty glass on a table and put both hands in her pockets, tugging at the thick material of her jacket to get it closer to her frame. Then, she slipped in the dark, leaving behind the quiet conversations and the crackling fire.  
She needed to be alone for a bit. Maybe then, she wouldn’t cause a scene.

_**“Hey, Skylen, where is Y/N?“**  
The bearded man turned around, nearly pouring down his drink in the process. It was clear he had had a little too much, but he seemed to sober up when he saw Poe. The General effect, undoubtedly.  
 **“Oh, Poe. No idea. I haven’t seen her in a while. Might be with Klan’? Or she went to grab a drink. I should do the same…“** he added, half-mumbling, before excusing himself and wobbling toward the nearest stash of Jawa Juice. Poe sighed and nervously bit his lower lip out of habit. He had already asked Klana.  
Where the Hell was his pilot?  
He looked around once again, but her H/C hair was not anywhere to be seen. Then, his eyes immediately searched for Tarsen, but the idiot had left with all his squad. Good. At least he hadn’t gone after her.  
With another sigh, the General looked down at his droid, who was staring at him, little head tilted in curiosity.  
 **“Can you find her for me, BeeBee? Track her commlink.“**  
The droid beeped in approval and diligently followed the order. It only took him a few seconds to locate her, and thankfully, she wasn’t too far. Before he could have second thoughts about how he had tracked down someone against their will, Poe took off in her direction, eyes carefully going from the blinking point on his data pad to the ground.  
He would NOT trip, thank you very much.  
BB-8 beeped questioningly and Poe shrugged.  
 **“Hey, what kind of leader would I be if I didn’t make sure my new squad member was alright, buddy?“**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go! A quick PSA:  
> \- Yes, this story will be completed.  
> \- I don't have a precise schedule since I'm a full-time college student, but I'll try to publish a new chapter every 10 days or so.  
> \- The story will have around 40 chapters.  
> Once again, thanks for reading, I appreciate your nice comments and the kudos!


	5. Just What I Needed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Y/N share a moment and you learn an important bit of her past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff alert and trigger warning for violence (it's brief, but it's there) and minor character death.

Everything was quiet.  
Y/N had always enjoyed silence.  
Sometimes, it said more than words could. Silence was often what preceded a fight. The proverbial calm before the storm, when everything was quiet in the cockpit of her TIE fighter right before she jumped out of hyperspace. During those moments of silence, she was scared, focused, driven.  
And other times, like this one, silence was a blessing she basked in.  
After walking for a few moments, taking long strides through the Kuatian forrest and (somehow) avoiding a drunken fall, the woman had found herself in another clearing. It was smaller than the one she had left, but far away enough from the raging party. Or maybe she was too drunk to hear it now. It was a possibility.  
Her slightly wobbly legs had carried her to the middle of the clearing, where a fallen tree laid, wooden putrefied corpse surrounded by green, glossy grass.  
With a sigh, she had slumped on the dead tree, eyes staring at the sky. It was a clear night and she could see the stars. Some of them she had probably visited, others she had only flown by during the years.  
Along with silence, Y/N had always loved space, too. The two often went hand in hand, except when you were a soldier. Space turned into a battlefield and more often than not, into a cemetery as well.  
That was the reason why she was so adamant about separating her everyday life from her life as a soldier. When she landed on solid ground, she wanted to be Y/N. To leave the pain, the screams, the adrenaline up in the sky, with the fuming, charred remains of the ships, both allied and enemy.  
But of course, nothing could ever be so simple. You couldn’t separate the job from the person, not when your job was your entire life.  
But she had hoped that this time, maybe… People would see beyond the pilot.  
Another sigh escaped her lips. Some people did, of course. Klana, bless her soul, did. Skylen too, evidently. Most of the people on base did, when she thought about it. But people like Tarsen… They hated the pilot, and they hated the woman.   
Of course, she knew she couldn’t — and shouldn’t try to — please everyone. It didn’t make it easier, though. Being hated on never was. She had done all she could to be liked. Why couldn’t it be enough?

The stars didn’t give her any answer. They just kept on shining silently in the distance, soft beacons of light highlighting the midnight blue painting.  
Suddenly, she heard a soft rustle and her head snapped to the side, now on high alert. Even inebriated, she was still aware that something could very much be out to get her. She had no idea what the local fauna was made of. Kriff. She hadn’t taken her blaster with her either. But someone would have warned her if there were some dangerous creatures out there, right?  
Her sudden panic proved to be useless when she saw what was responsible for the sound: a little orange ball.  
 **“BeeBee? What are you doing here?“** She called out to the droid who simply rolled toward her, leaving the strands of grass lying down behind him. When he reached her, he beeped quizzically. Y/N chuckled softly.  
 **“I’m alright, little guy. Don’t worry.“**  
She turned her head back up, glancing at the stars once again, and the droid tilted his head as well. The H/C-haired pilot had momentarily forgotten whose droid it was. Said little ball nudged at her leg and she smiled.  
 **“It’s beautiful, out there,“** the pilot whispered.   
**“That it is.“**

Y/N yelped in surprise and turned around, finding Poe standing behind her, hands furrowed in the pockets of his leather jacket and hazel eyes fixed on the woman. She rolled her eyes with the playfulness of her drunken state.  
 **“General. You really have a thing for sneaking up on me, huh?“**  
He answered with a chuckled and walked up to her, sitting on the tree.   
**“I told you not to call me that, Thunderbird.“**  
Y/N gave him a shrug. Hey, he couldn’t blame her for letting it slip up. He was her leader.

Even if her vision was slightly blurry around the edges, Y/N noticed he looked concerned, or tired. Maybe both.  
 **“What are you doing here?“** He asked, definitely worriedly. The E/C-eyed rookie shrugged once again.  
 **“I needed a breather. It’s been a while since I’ve hung out with so many people at once.“**  
It wasn’t entirely wrong, but it wasn’t the full truth either. Poe obviously picked up on that, but before he could ask her something else, she fought back with a question of her own.  
 **“How did you find me?“**  
BeeBee beeped an apology and she glanced down at him. His little head was bowed down in shame. He was more human than a lot of humans she had seen, that was for sure. It made her laugh.  
 **“I’m not blaming you, sweetheart. I just want to know.“**  
He perked up a bit and the woman gently rubbed the top of his head, a gesture he answered to with a happy beep.  
 **“I asked him to track your commlink when you disappeared. These things come with a built-in tracker we use to locate the lost pilots. I should have told you earlier.“**

Yikes. And here she had thought she could escape him and the others. She wasn’t mad at him for being worried. If anything, it was nice of him to care. And realistically, she had known she couldn’t run away from her problems forever. But she could get a head start.  
They stood in silence for a moment, even though Y/N could feel Poe twitching by her side. He wasn’t one to stay silent. He talked a lot, she had noticed. But it wasn’t annoying, at least, not yet. He wasn’t babbling nonsense, he always had something useful to say. How he did it, she had no idea. Undoubtedly one of the reasons why he was the General.   
**“What’s wrong? I can’t help you out if you don’t tell me. And it’s my duty as your squad leader to take care of you. Is it Tarsen?“**  
Y/N broke her silent admiration of the sky and bowed her head slightly, letting out a deep sigh.  
 **“Yes. I mean, no. I mean, yes, partially. He is part of the problem. I just…“**  
She licked her lips and looked down at BeeBee, who nudged her leg again encouragingly. Even he could sense how uncomfortable she felt.  
 **“What do you mean, part of the problem? Did someone else try to talk you into leaving? Kriff, I’m going to have their heads. I can’t believe-“  
“Poe, stop, that’s not it.“**  
He stopped mid-sentence, mouth agape. And then, his brain seemed to process what he had heard and he frowned.  
 **“What is it, then?“**  
He was either really curious or really concerned. Probably a little bit of both. And Y/N was steadily growing more uncomfortable. One, because she wasn’t good at expressing her feelings or her thoughts in general, and two, because it was Poe Dameron she was talking to. Even though she knew he genuinely cared because he was that nice, she couldn’t help but feel a bit overwhelmed. The General, leader of the Resistance, who took on Palpatine’s fleet, had better things to do than listening to her existential crisis.  
… Or not, apparently.

 **“Well, I… Don’t take it the wrong way, okay? I just… I appreciate what you did earlier. Standing up for me.“**  
He shrugged and frowned.  
 **“Yeah, of course. You don’t even have to thank me for that.“**  
She bit her lip. That was going to be harder than she had expected.  
 **“I know, I know. But just… Don’t. If it happens again, please, don’t say anything.“**  
He stared at her, confused, hazel eyes searching her face for something. She either had something on her face (and she was quite sure she didn’t) or he was looking to find any trace of humor or doubt. He found none. And that seemed to confuse him even more.  
 **“He shouldn’t have said those things to you. That’s not how we handle things around here.“**  
Poor Poe looked genuinely lost and BeeBee hummed in approval, breaking into a series of hurried beeps to voice his thoughts on the matter.  
 **“Yeah, exactly. Tarsen is a- WOW! Buddy! Language! I swear AreToo is the worst influence you’ve had.“**  
Y/N chuckled. The little ball was such a sweetheart. She affectionately patted his head again.  
 **“I know. I agree. He is an idiot. But I still stand by what I said. While I appreciate your concern, it just… Trust me, Poe, it won’t help. Not in the long run.“**

He stayed silent, but she could feel she had his full attention. She felt it but didn’t see it, mainly because she was too shy to look into his eyes. He was an intense person, and his gaze was, too. The H/C wasn’t sure she would be able to give him some insight if he was looking at her like he often did. Poe had piercing eyes and the uncanny ability to look at your soul.  
Or maybe she was just very drunk.  
 **“I’ve been there before. People hating on me for no reason. And one thing I know for sure; respect, even on the most basic level, has to be earned. If you order him to respect me, he will do so publicly. But he will never trust me or give me the chance to prove to him that I’m worthy of that respect. To him, I’ll be someone’s protege, and that’s not what I want. I just want to fit in, not stand out. And I want to prove to everyone that I deserve to be respected, not because you said so, but because I showed them.“**  
The silence stretched out between the both of them as Poe silently mulled over her words. Y/N looked up at the sky again. It was hers for the taking. An endless opportunity to show her worthiness.   
**“I’m sorry. I hadn’t thought about it like that.“**  
That was definitely not what she had been expecting him to say.

She turned a curious E/C gaze at him and found the pilot staring in the distance. He shook his head and chuckled darkly.  
 **“I’m an idiot.“**  
BeeBee piped up in protest and Y/N nodded vigorously — something she immediately regretted. Dang, the Garrmorl had hit her hard.  
 **“I’m with your droid. You had good intentions, Poe.“  
“Yeah, well, what’s the saying again? The road to hell is paved with good intentions. It makes sense. I mean, what you just told me. Not that stupid saying. Actually, it’s not stupid either, since it’s true, but anyway.“**  
Never mind, she was taking back her previous statement; he was babbling. But Y/N was sure that was due to the alcohol in his veins. He was sitting close enough to her that she could smell Jawa Juice on him. The woman imagined he could do the same.  
 **“I would love nothing more but to tell you what happened to you in the First Order won’t happen again. For most things, it won’t. I don’t plan on wearing a mask, for example,“ he added, and Y/N snorted. “But you’re right. They’re soldiers, and they’ve seen too much. You need to spend some time with them, show them who you truly are. And then, they’ll come around. Hopefully. They better come around. Or I’ll kick their asses.“**  
Y/N laughed again, and Poe chuckled as well. She was slowly starting to relax. He really had outstanding people skills.  
As he started stargazing again, letting the silence settle in, the H/C took the opportunity to study him for a bit. With his high cheekbones, his dark skin and messy, tousled hair, he really was handsome. Even though he had recently shaved, the subtlest hint of his five o’clock shadow was peaking through. His hazel eyes were lightened by the bright lights of the stars and appeared almost green.  
Kriff, she understood why he was such a Poster boy for the Resistance. He had it all.  
No wonder she felt overwhelmed. He was awesome.  
And too quiet for it not to be suspicious.

 **“You’re staring.“**  
Oops.  
He turned his face toward her, a big grin plastered on his lips. Y/N rolled her eyes to save appearances because yes, she had been staring.  
 **“No way. I was looking at your jacket. It’s nice.“**  
Poe chuckled, clearly not convinced, but he was gentleman enough not to mention it.  
 **“This old thing? It has seen better days. But I like it. I like yours, too. It’s too big for you, but it suits you. It also reminds me of someone I once knew… He had an almost identical one.“**  
The pilot shook his head and pushed the memory away.  
It was indeed too big for her. The sleeves were too long for her arms and she had to roll them up. The main piece had obviously been intended to be worn by someone bulkier than her. A man, perhaps. She wasn’t too sure. The only thing she knew was that she liked it, too.  
 **“It’s the only thing I still have from whatever was my life before I joined the Order. I hid it right before I left, and when I ran away, I went back to get it. I thank the stars every day that it wasn’t stolen.“**  
Her only possession. It wasn’t much, but it was something. The exact philosophy of the Resistance. They shared that mindset, at least.  
 **“You never talked about how you joined them,“** he finally asked after a moment of silence.  
Y/N hesitated. It wasn’t something she was particularly comfortable sharing. But Poe deserved to know. He had been nothing but kind and understanding, and he was her leader, after all. If anyone needed to know the full story, it was him. If he trusted her, then maybe others would naturally follow…  
 **“I hope you have some time on your hands, General Dameron.“**  
He smiled brightly at her and shifted on the makeshift bench, turning his whole body toward her. BB-8 leaned against the tree, by his father’s side, little head perked up.  
 **“Bring it on, Thunderbird.“**

————————————--------------------------------

_The sun was scorching hot.  
Or, more specifically, everything was burning.  
A grunt of pain escaped the woman as she contracted her muscles, trying to get them to move, even by an inch. But her whole body — ironically enough considering how hot it was around her — felt frozen on the spot.  
She groaned and tried again. Now that her body was slipping out of unconsciousness, she was starting to become more aware of her surroundings. She felt the heat of the sun — suns? — on her back, grilling her through her jacket. Her cheek was pressed roughly against the coarse ground. She twitched a bit and felt millions of small balls digging into her skin.  
Sand.  
Great. She was in a kriffing desert.  
With a tremendous effort, she managed to roll on her side and coughed weakly. The woman opened her mouth to spit some sand, but she couldn’t. Her throat felt drier than the desert she was in. Her head was pounding with one hell of a headache and everything was spinning.  
How had she ended up here?  
…And who the heck was she?  
Like a lizard whose body heat had returned after being idle in the cold night, she managed to gather enough strength to push her body upward. It took her a moment, but she finally stood up. The headache instantly became worse and she almost fell back down, catching herself at the last second by taking a step forward. She blinked the blurriness of her vision away and looked around her. The air seemed to be vibrating under the heat. The suns weren’t really high in the sky, but it was already scorching hot. She was near a canyon, gigantic walls of stones coming out of the sand.   
The part she was on meandered slightly through the valley of stone, and she could see something in the distance. A city, maybe. That, or she was hallucinating._

_She felt like dying with every step she took. The high sides of the canyon weren’t oriented well enough for them to shield the suns, and they were shining down on her with the strength of summer.  
By the time she had made it through the canyon, her hair was sticking to her face, she was wheezing and could barely breathe. But what she had seen earlier was, indeed, a small town.  
Made of white, round-shaped houses, the village was tiny, maybe four or five hut-like lodgings. But it seemed inhabited.  
Great.  
The five hundred meters separating her from the houses suddenly felt like an infinite distance. The H/C fell against the rocky surface, catching her breath, the air wheezing in and out of her soar throat.   
She was so close... but so tired, too. Her eyelids felt heavier than the air. The woman felt trapped. In the heat, in her own body, on this damn planet.  
She was going to die there.  
 **“Keep going.”**  
At this point, she didn’t know whether she was hallucinating and hearing someone speak to her or if she had just talked to herself. The second option seemed less probable considering how dry her throat was. But whoever the voice in her head was, it got her to take another step, and then another, until she finally reached her destination.  
No one was outside. The woman was afraid it would be deserted. She couldn’t walk much farther. She fell against a white hut, almost yelling in pain at how hot it felt. But at this point, she didn’t care — even if she had wanted to step away from the wall, she wouldn’t have been able to. Her muscles felt stiff.  
 **“Hey!”**  
She turned around. Behind her, a young woman was standing, dressed in white clothes and a brown braid. She was carrying something she immediately dropped upon seeing the intruder.  
 **“What are you doing?!”** She yelped. Her hand flew to her belt and she raised a small blaster, aiming with shaky hands. The tired woman held hers up as best as she could.  
 **“Not armed...”**  
She slumped back against the wall with a wince. Her head was killing her. She collapsed, falling to her knees.  
 **“Ectel, why did you- MAKER! What happened?!”**  
Another voice joined them, but the H/C couldn’t really focus on it anymore. Everything was spinning. The suns in the sky were dancing and the sand suddenly felt like it would be a great bed.  
At least, she had made it to her destination. She would die knowing she had completed her last task...  
The voice of the second woman screamed something that sounded like a whisper. As the H/C blacked out, she heard the other voice again.  
 **“Rest for now.“**  
She did._

_The first thing she noticed when she woke up was the cool air on her skin.  
It had replaced the heat of the suns.   
Her head was still pounding, but it was bearable, now. And instead of the brazing grittiness of the sand, she could feel something soft resting against her skin.  
…A blanket?  
She tried to open her eyes but her eyelids felt as if they were sewn shut. She groaned and immediately, she heard a shuffle next to her, followed by muffled voices.  
 **“Is she awake?“  
“I don’t know!“**  
She knew these voices… She had heard them before. But where? Where was she? What had happened?  
Finally, she managed to muster enough strength to pry her eyes open. The room was bathed in a dim light that was bright enough to make her feel as if millions of needle where suddenly piercing her eyeball. She shut them tight again with a grunt.  
 **“Ectel! Close the door!“**  
More shuffling, followed by a soft sound. Behind her eyelids, the glaring light softened a bit, and the woman tried her luck again. This time, he managed to keep her eyes open long enough to blink away the blurriness of her vision. Her first reflex was to look down at her body. She had been stripped down from her clothes and dressed in a soft, white tunic. She softly turned her head. She was inside one of the huts, no doubt. It wasn’t very big, probably five by five meters, under a dome-shaped roof. The walls on the inside were as white as they were on the outside, but the temperature was much more bearable. Two pillars supported the roof and various pieces of furniture had been carved into the clayish-looking material the hut was made of. The H/C-haired woman was laying on a bed in a rounded alcove, and her eyes finally stopped on a silhouette near the door that had been shut earlier. The young woman who had pointed her blaster at her. The said weapon was still in her hand but she didn’t look scared anymore, merely curious.  
 **“Are you okay?“** The voice asked again, and the woman tilted her head back a bit. Sitting slightly behind her was an older woman. She had brown hair tied into two low braids twisted together and wore similar clothes to whom the H/C assumed was her daughter. She grimaced and sat down on the bed, earning a yelp from the older woman.  
 **“Wow! Go easy, Miss. Maker knows how long you’ve been out ‘ere. Here, have some water.“**  
She handed her a bowl full of the clear liquid and her guest was quick to drink it all. Her throat silently thanked her._

_Silence settled around the three of them. The H/C winced slightly as some light was peering through one of the windows and shining directly in her eyes, but she was slowly getting used to it. She noticed several details her first swoop of the place hadn’t revealed, like a carved face in the pillar she was now facing. Undoubtedly made by a child, it represented some sort of… Loth-cat? Who knew.  
“So… What the hell were you doing out here in the sun?“ The younger woman - Ectel - suddenly asked. Her mother shrieked.  
 **“Ectel! Language! That’s no way to speak to a guest.“**  
 **“’S fine,“** said guest managed to croak out.   
Speaking was torture, even with the fresh water she had just drunk. No doubt she had been severely dehydrated during her little nap in the sand.  
 **“I don’t… remember. Where am I?“** She asked again. Her memories were one big chunk of darkness. She could feel some details but couldn’t bring them to form a coherent image in her mind. What had happened…?  
 **“You’re on Tatooine. Right outside Mos Eisley. A couple of kilometers west of the town. We don’t usually have visitors around here…“**  
The older woman frowned and then shook her head.  
 **“Ah, doesn’t matter. We couldn’t leave you out here to dry out in the sun, heh? Ectel, put the gun away. She’s not dangerous.“**  
Her daughter reluctantly did as she was told, sliding the blaster on her belt. Tatooine… That sounded familiar. She remembered a couple of things about the planet. She definitely had heard of it before.  
 **“I saw a ship land this morning,“** she then added, nodding to the side toward what the H/C assumed was the canyon she had just walked through to get there. **“Maybe that’s where she came from, mom.“**  
The H/C turned to her with a quizzical look on her face.  
 **“But then why would I wake up face down in the sand?“**_

————————————--------------------------------

 **“Wait a second,“** Poe interrupted.  
He had been quiet until then, hazel eyes focused on Y/N with the same intensity she had been trying to avoid shyly earlier on. It was very clear he was invested in her story, but now, he looked very confused.  
 **“You mean they DUMPED YOU out of the ship and left you there?“** The pilot asked, and BeeBee screeched indignantly. Y/N laughed at the droid and nodded.  
 **“Yep. They landed on Tatooine, thought it’d be a good idea to leave me there while I was passed out, and took off. I’m not sure they wanted me to die, though, because I was unharmed and very close to a small village. But to this day, I still don’t know why I ended up there…“**  
The E/C-eyed pilot sighed. She still didn’t know where she was really from, why she had been dumped on Tatooine, who had left her there — so many questions. And no answer in sight. Seven years separated her from the moment she had awakened and now, and she wasn’t closer to discovering who she was than she was at that moment. The H/C was used to it by now, but sometimes, it made her feel sad. This was one of those times. Poe seemed to notice like he usually did. This was had an empathy level she had never seen before. He leaned forward and gently touched her knee. Y/N looked up, meeting his concerned hazel gaze with her inquisitive E/C one.  
 **“Hey. We will find out. We have access to a lot of resources now that the Senate is on our side. I promise we’ll look into it.“**  
She believed him.  
A soft smile bloomed on her face. However hard she was racking her brain, she couldn’t find in the few years worth of memories she had one action she had done that would justify her being so lucky. Because she truly was lucky. Lucky to have been saved by Skylen and his squadron, lucky to have Poe Dameron by her side. He was the General, a war hero, he had been through hell and had come back.  
And yet, here he was, taking the time of his busy day to listen to her. Staying away from a party to check on her, his new recruit.  
If that wasn’t team bonding done right, she didn’t know what it was.

But she couldn’t voice that. Mainly because he probably wouldn’t understand. To him, it seemed normal, and although she had met him the day before, Y/N knew him well enough already to know he would do the same for every single one of his subordinates. That was just who he was.  
And also because she was too drunk to form coherent sentences and he would end up teasing her.  
Yup. Not doing it.  
He hadn’t taken his hand off her knew, but Y/N wasn’t bothered by it. Thanks to Klana, she had already gotten used to affectionate gestures.  
Which was a stark difference with the violence she had been the victim of during her time in the Order. She couldn’t think of one moment where she had been touched gently, even for something as trivial as tapping her on the shoulder to get her to move.  
Nothing.  
They had dehumanized her partially. She would never forget that.  
BeeBee suddenly beeped and Poe took his hand away.  
 **“You’re right, buddy! Sorry. I’m used to… Sorry.“** He chuckled awkwardly.  
Oh, she had already noticed he was very tactile. She wasn’t offended at all; he did that with everyone, men and women alike, in a friendly way.  
Nothing Poe did was to voluntarily offend anyone anyway.   
**“It’s fine.“**  
He stared at her for a second too long, undoubtedly thanks to his obvious tipsiness, before speaking up again.  
 **“Okay. You were telling me about the way you’d been dumped on Tatooine. Come on, I want to know the rest of the story.“**  
Y/N chuckled and obliged.

————————————--------------------------------

_Her name was Y/N Thunderbird.  
She had been drinking some more water when the information had come crashing through the invisible barriers of her amnesia like a wild Rancor on the loose. Jumping to her feet — something she had instantly and very deeply regretted — she had screamed it out and the two women had jumped in visible surprise.   
But Y/N was proud of herself for remembering. It wasn’t much, but it was something. One of the most important parts of her identity.  
In return, her two saviors had shared theirs with her.  
Ada and Ectel were their names. Mother and daughter, as she had concluded. They had been living on Tatooine all their lives. When Y/N had asked if it was just the two of them, Ada had leaned forward and whispered that her husband had been killed while fighting for the First Order after being drafted a year ago.  
The H/C hadn’t dared to ask anything else after that._

_Instead, she had profusely thanked the two women for sharing their resources with her. The older woman had waved her off.  
 **“We take care of people. That’s what we do. We gotta. Things are dark out there. We must bring some light back into the world.“**  
Y/N had smiled at that.  
She was right.  
While her daughter was out to tend to their cattle (of what, Y/N didn’t know), Ada told her about the recent events. The end of the Cold War, the open fight between the newly-formed First Order and the Rebel Alliance, led by General Leia Organa. The entire Galaxy was frozen in fear, head hung low, hoping for better days and that things would pass. The relatively peaceful era they had been living in had come to a brutal end and things had spiraled into a full-blown conflict. Violence had crept back into the everyday life of millions of people.   
The dark look in Ada’s eyes as she spoke of the war told Y/N enough about who her allegiance went to.   
**“I will never forget what they did to my husband,“ she had said while chopping off some vegetables and dumping them all into a big pot. “They took him away from us and he died fighting in a war he never wanted. He was a doctor. A man of peace. They switched his medical supplies for a gun and sent him on the battlefield.“**  
The knife was trembling in her hand as she spoke. Y/N put a hand on hers.  
 **“I’m sorry,“** she genuinely said.  
Ada had met her E/C eyes with her tired brown ones.  
 **“We all are. At least we have each other. Ectel has me and I have her. That’s all we need. And we don’t have much, but it’s an honest life.“**  
Y/N nodded. They were lucky to have each other.  
She didn’t even have herself._

_Since she didn’t remember anything except her name and she had nowhere to go, Ada offered for her to stay. They had an old room her husband used to treat his patients in that could be turned into a bedroom should she want it. In exchange, she would have to help them around the farm. They raised Eopies they would sell to local moisture farms, and the creatures, even though they were peaceful, were a lot of work for two women.  
Y/N had immediately accepted.  
Despite her initial wariness toward the newcomer, Ectel was quick to warm up to Y/N. They were around the same age, with the teen being two years younger than she was. Y/N had remembered being born in seven ABY. She was delighted she had. Now, she knew of her age — twenty-two. Since she had remembered such crucial pieces of information so quickly, maybe the rest would come back to her?  
That night, she had gone to sleep full of hope that her dreams would bring new images of what her life was like.  
They didn’t. Not that night, or the following one._

_A routine had been quick to settle between the three women. Ada was right, it was an honest life. Things were quiet. The older woman would sometimes leave on a speeder to Mos Eisley, conducting negotiations with future buyers while her daughter and Y/N took care of the Eopies. The naked quadrupeds were always found in herds and could be incredibly stubborn at times.  
Also, they stunk badly.  
But things were great. Even though her initial enthusiasm had quickly been snuffed out as days went by and her memories didn’t come back, Y/N was happy there. She helped her saviors, did her bit, and had even been given a blaster.   
**“We have Tusken Raiders around here,“** Ectel had told her. **“And we’re all women. We need to defend ourselves.“**  
She had jokingly added that Y/N would better scrap her initials into the butt of the weapon, should she lose her memories again.  
Ada had whacked her behind the head with a wooden spoon as Y/N cackled lightheartedly.  
Along with her jacket, the gun had become her only possession. No, actually, that wasn’t true — she had something else. A necklace.  
She had found it while changing back into her clean clothes the day she had woken up. A golden pendant, half the size of her thumb.  
 **“Kriff, you better hide that. It looks old and precious. People might try and steal it.“**  
And she had, putting it back inside her shirt. Now that she knew it was there, she felt like somehow, she knew where it came from. As if she had had it for a long time… Maybe her parents had given it out to her? She liked to think so.  
And along with her necklace, she had her leather jacket.  
Too big for her, but very resistant and well-made, it had several scratches and a round-shaped print on the left shoulder, as if something used to be sown on there and had been torn off for whatever reason. Y/N liked it very much, even though she couldn’t wear it due to the planet’s inhumane heat._

————————————--------------------------------

 **“So you’ve had the jacket and the necklace for as long as you remember,“** Poe thought out loud, a pensive look on his face. Y/N nodded and took the piece of jewelry out of its hidden place between her breasts. She unclasped it and handed it to her General, who inspected it by holding it between his index finger and thumb, raising it above eye level so the moon could lit it.  
 **“Yes. I’ve had them for at least seven years. Possibly longer. Probably longer.“**  
Poe made an impressed “hmmm“ face and handed the necklace back to her. Y/N put it back where it came from. Somehow, the piece of metal had always made her feel safer. It was her good luck charm. She wasn’t too sure it worked, but hey, she was still alive. Whether that was thanks to the piece of jewelry or she had just gotten lucky was a mystery that would probably be left unsolved.  
 **“I was separated from the jacket when I left for the First Order, but the necklace stayed with me, always,“** she added. The Order had taken a lot from her, but at least, they had let her keep that. Or maybe they didn’t really care about it, it didn’t matter.  
 **“And how did you join?“**  
Y/N sighed. She had to continue her story.

————————————--------------------------------

_Seven days.  
Seven days of normality.  
That’s what she had gotten.   
It had been a full week since Y/N had become a new member of the Thron household. Both Ada and Ectel had been accommodating. Even though it was obvious they loved each other very much, being alone for so long wasn’t doing them good. Seeing a fresh face had been beneficial to them. And the H/C was glad she had stumbled across Ectel.  
The day had started like any other day she had known so far. She had woken up right before sundown, gotten dressed in one of the white, flowy outfits Ectel had lent her and gotten to work. The mornings were used to feed the Eopies and take care of them. Right before noon, when the two suns were too high, the two young women would go back inside and cook for Ada who was out in Mos Eisley. Then, in the early afternoon, the older woman would return on the speeder and they would work in the rest of the house.  
Except that this time, they didn’t.  
The suns had started to set and Ada still wasn’t back. Ectel wasn’t worried, though.  
 **“Sometimes, she has to stay longer. I’ll be worried if she’s not back at nightfall.“**  
They had cleaned the rest of the house by themselves. Y/N trusted her friend, she did, but she also had a very bad feeling about this.   
It got verified a few moments later.  
The loud buzzing of the speeder got closer and closer and the brown-haired local punched Y/N in the arm.  
 **“Told you!“**  
Both women put away the saddle they were working on and went out to greet Ada.  
But said woman didn’t park the speeder in its usual spot. Nor did she took the time to store it away properly.  
Instead, she all but jumped off and ran toward her daughter. Her face was streaked with fresh tears and she looked utterly panicked.  
 **“Mom? What’s wrong?“** Ectel immediately asked, her face now mirroring her mother’s fear.  
 **“They’re back. They’re back, Ectel. I came as fast as I could. A star destroyer entered the atmosphere a few minutes ago. They’re raiding Mos Eisley for younglings. It has started again. They’re drafting people for the war. They have a register! They know who has children and who doesn’t. They… They’re gonna come for you!“**  
She was crying hysterically by then. The strong woman was terrified, and her fear radiated off her whole body. She was shaking, crying and trembling.   
And Y/N could do nothing but watch as Ectel screamed in terror.  
They all knew what it meant._

_The H/C woman started to think, as fast as she could, so fast her head was spinning. She couldn’t let that happen. She needed to find something. A solution to help them as they had helped her.  
 **“Both of you, take the speeder and go as far as you can. To the next town. It’ll by you some time. I’ll hold them back while you hide.“**  
There was an urgency in Ada’s voice that left no room for discussion. But yet, Y/N spoke up.  
 **“No. They will find us, and kill you.“  
“I can’t let them take my baby, too!“** Ada screamed, tears streaming down her face. **“They took my husband already. I can’t lose her too.“**  
She knew what to do. Y/N took a step forward with tears in her eyes and put her hand on Ada’s cheek.  
 **“You won’t.“**  
Trying to Ectel, she took a deep breath and said:  
 **“Go to the basement. Hide there until they’re gone. They’re looking for a woman in her twenties. They don’t know I’m here.“**  
Both women looked at her with confusion in their eyes. In the open field that was the desert, something was approaching, shining under the two setting suns. Like a mirage getting closer.  
A transport ship.  
They were coming.  
 **“I will take your place, Ectel. But you need to hide. You need to hide and let me do it.“  
“No!“** She yelled. **“I can’t let you do that. You’ll die, too.“**  
She was right. The chances for her to make it out alive were slim.  
And Y/N was terrified.  
But these two women had taken her in, given her a home when she had none, given her a purpose when she had lost hers. They had suffered so much already. Y/N undoubtedly had, too, or she wouldn’t have lost her memories and been abandoned on Tatooine. But she didn’t remember anything from it. It didn’t matter.   
**“Please, Ectel. please. Let me do that for you. I just ask for one thing: hide my jacket and my blaster. I will come back one day and get them. But you need to hide, or they’ll take both of us. You have suffered enough. You have helped me enough. Let me help you.“**  
Her voice broke down at the end and tears pooled in her eyes. The deafening sound of the brand-new ship was rowing louder as the troopers approached. They needed to move fast.   
**“GO!“** Y/N screamed when she saw Ectel still wasn’t moving, and the crying brunette scrambled away. She stopped inside the hut and turned around.  
 **“When you come back, know that your stuff will be hidden under the Eopies’ food tank. Please survive, Y/N.“  
“I promise.“**  
They both knew she probably wouldn’t honor it. But Y/N smiled as reassuringly as she could, despite the fear eating at her.  
Ectel disappeared inside. _

_Y/N sighed softly. The ship was closing in. It was only a matter of second before they stopped and took her with them.  
 **“I need you to pretend to be devastated, Ada. Pretend I’m really your daughter. If they don’t believe you, they’ll kill us all.“**  
The woman crushed her into a tight hug, sobbing into her tunic. Y/N had to shut her eyes tight not to spill a tear.  
 **“Thank you. Thank you. I will never be able to repay you for what you’re about to do.“**  
The H/C smiled sadly.  
 **“You’ve done more than enough. You’ve lost enough to the war. I need to pay you back. Please stay safe. Thank you for everything.“**  
The speeders stopped. The two women were still hugging.  
 **“In the name of the First Order, I hereby declare you have to come with us. You’re being drafted. Don’t try to resist.“**  
The modulated voice made them break apart from each other, and Y/N turned toward the stormtrooper. Clad in his white uniform, he was wearing a red shoulder pad. Undoubtedly the sign of his higher rank. His hands were tight around the blaster, and his fingers twitched.  
 **“You can go willingly, or we can drag you with us.“**  
Y/N shared a glance with Ada, who ran to the troopers and fell to her knees.  
 **“Please! Not my daughter!“** She sobbed, very convincingly. The E/C-eyed woman was quite sure she was pouring the fear she was feeling for her real daughter into her words.  
The trooper seemed convinced. He raised his weapon and aimed at Ada.  
 **“Don’t make me shoot you, woman. This is an official draft from the First Order. Don’t try to resist.“**  
His voice was heavy with warning. He wouldn’t repeat himself.  
Good thing he wouldn’t have to.  
Y/N jumped between them, shielding the older woman from the trooper’s wrath. He seemed slightly too trigger-happy.  
 **“Don’t hurt her! I’ll come with you. Please, don’t hurt her.“**  
The white helmet cocked to the side as he assessed the situation. Behind him, other troopers were perched on the edge of the open ship, blasters aimed as well. Now was not the time to provoke them too much. Just enough for them to believe the two women were actually related.   
**“Please, don’t go. I can’t lose you too.“**  
Ada was fully sobbing, now. It genuinely broke Y/N’s heart.  
Why? How could the First Order so cruelly break apart families like they were doing? How could the men under the helmets stay so focused? Didn’t they have the slightest hint of empathy? Had their humanity already been brainwashed away?  
 **“It’s okay, mom. I’ll be okay. I love you,“** the H/C whispered, loud enough so the trooper would hear, while dropping to her knees. She took Ada’s face between her hands as she mouthed:  
 **“Thank you.“  
“Okay. That’s enough.“**  
The trooper grabbed her by the arm and dragged her away from Ada and into the ship. When Y/N tried to take a step forward, her chest was met with the hard, cold end of his blaster.  
 **“I WILL COME BACK!“** She screamed over the sound of the ship.  
Its door shut down on her before she could get an answer._

_Everyone was sobbing.  
The cargo was filled with young people, mostly children; and they all looked traumatized. Some of them were still crying, others were staring at the wall, eyes blown with fear.  
As for Y/N, she was sitting in a corner, her eyes studying the stormtroopers, neither crying nor completely numb.  
They were soon out of Tatooine’s atmosphere. Some of them had obviously never left the planet and looked terrified of the unexplored and uncharted infiniteness of space.  
Strangely enough, the H/C wasn’t.  
She felt like she had been in space before. Not just in the ship that had unceremoniously dumped her in the desert, either.  
And she knew what stormtroopers were.  
Strangely enough too.  
Through one of the tiny windows of the ship she was lucky enough to be close to, Y/N saw that they were getting closer to the triangle-shaped and humongous ship. The star destroyer.   
**“GET UP!“** One of the stormtroopers barked, and everyone jumped. They did as they were told to and lined up in front of the officer.  
 **“We’re going to board on the Finalizer soon. Before we arrive, I want to make two things clear: the First Order will take care of you. It’s an honor to have been picked up to serve our Supreme Leader. And secondly… Leave behind every thought you have about leaving. Mutiny is punished by a long and painful death.“**  
Well, wasn’t that very motivating?  
He walked along the line the recruits had formed. From what Y/N could see, there were about twenty of them, all huddled together. The ship slowed down.  
 **“Now. I want whoever has a special talent to make it known. Do you know how to fly a ship? Hold a blaster? Fix something? Time to let me know. If you’re not good at anything, it doesn’t matter. If you are, take a step forward when you have to.“**  
He started to list random jobs. Mechanic — a few people took the step and one of the troopers grabbed them by the arms and brought them to one side of the ship. Then, medics.  
And then…  
 **“Do any of you lowlives know how to fly?“**  
Before she could stop herself or even think about why she would even take that step, Y/N stepped forward. Only another guy did so, right next to her. The trooper’s huff came out modulated, but very distinct nonetheless.  
 **“You can fly?“**  
He stared her down while Y/N insulted herself profusely. But there must have been a reason why she had stepped forward. She trusted her gut.  
That’s all she had now.  
 **“Yes.“**  
He huffed again and the two future pilots were pushed to the side. A trooper was assigned to them and aimed at them, but Y/N ignored him. Through the small window, she could see the inside of the star destroyer.  
They were about to land.   
**“Hey. I’m Dan.“**  
The H/C turned toward the guy next to her. He was slightly older than her and — Maker forgives her from judging him so quickly — didn’t look so bright.  
 **“I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want to be stuck in a war.“**  
Yeah, well, no one did, idiot. Y/N huffed but didn’t say anything back. She could feel the eyes of their guardian trooper burning a hole in her.   
**“Hey! Take me back!“**  
Oh, Maker._

_Y/N shut her eyes for a second. Dan’s outraged cry had caught the attention of all the troopers on board.  
 **“Hey, shut up,“** one of them barked back. **“No one’s asking for your opinion. I told you, you come with us to we will drag you out of here. Your choice.“**  
The H/C wasn’t really one to talk about rational decisions, but she was quite sure the most rational thing to do at that moment was to shut the hell up.  
 **“Go ahead! Do that! I won’t cooperate. You can’t force me to work for you.“**  
Provoking them wasn’t the best idea.  
Y/N shot him a look of warning he, unfortunately, didn’t catch. Feeling emboldened by the lack of response on the trooper’s part, he seemed rather proud of himself. Maybe he thought he had made a valid point; Y/N’s theory was that fear and anxiety were stopping him from thinking straight. He needed to stand down for now. Occasions to run away would come. He had to wait for the right moment.  
 **“You’re right. We can’t force you. Torturing you wouldn’t really work since you have to be in good shape to fly. You’re useless to us.“**  
The words fell directly on Y/N’s stomach as if she had just been punched in the gut.  
No, she knew where that was-  
The sound of the blaster going off shook everyone. Someone screamed in terror as Dan’s body collapsed on the ground, blood seeping out of the wound located where his face used to be.  
 **“Anyone wants to quit like our good friend here?“** The trooper asked.  
His voice was cold, perfectly calm.  
As if he hadn’t just blown someone’s face up a second ago.  
Nobody moved, and Y/N stared at the lifeless body of what could have been her flying companion.  
Damn it, Dan.  
 **“Looks like you’re the last representative of the pilots,“** the trooper said in her direction, and Y/N didn’t say anything in return. No use in answering that.  
 **“Now get moving, kids. Welcome aboard the Finalizer, under the commandment of General Hux.“**  
The door opened, and the troopers had to push everyone out. The children were crying and the adults looked terrified. Y/N turned toward the landing strip. It was buzzing with activity, with troopers running around in their white armors and Imperial officers barking orders as the mechanics worked on the TIEs.  
Where did she know all of that lingo from…?  
 **“Welcome home.“**_

————————————--------------------------------

 **“Wow. That’s a nice way to start a new job,“** Poe finally commented after a few seconds of stunned silence.  
Y/N burst out laughing and he soon joined her, hazel eyes twinkling with amusement. Nothing about what she had said was funny, but they both needed to relax after what she had unloaded. She had never told anyone what had happened the day she was drafted. And even though that Dan guy was an idiot, he was innocent and had been killed ruthlessly for basically nothing.  
Even though talking Poe through her story had been incredibly hard, the pilot know felt strangely at peace. Bottling up her past wasn’t a viable solution, she knew that much, now. 

Both of them turned back to look at the sky. Y/N didn’t know what he was thinking about, but she was thinking of the Finalizer. What had happened on it. All that she had done during her time.  
And how many deaths she had seen.  
 **“You know, I might be drunker than I thought because I can’t decide if it what you’ve just told me was incredibly brave or incredibly stupid.“**  
She turned to Poe, whose eyes were still on the sky, and laughed out loud again. He turned a proud grin in her direction.  
 **“Definitely stupid.“**  
In retrospect, it hadn’t been that stupid. It gave her the tools she needed to be a great pilot of the Resistance. Gave her the means to meet important people.  
And the tools to slightly even the odds of the war to benefit the Resistance. But that was a story for another day.  
 **“Did you ever saw them again?“** Poe asked, and the woman shook her head, H/C locks flowing around her face. **“No. When I came back the locals told me Ada had died a few years later and Ectel had left the planet then.“**  
She was really glad the young woman had managed to escape. Y/N sincerely hoped she was living a happy life somewhere. She would never know, but the hope of it kept her going.

Poe stayed silent. He had been nothing but respectful during her whole storytime. BB-8 as well. He hadn’t beeped once, but the baby droid had listened. It was a nice surprise to see them both so calm. The brown-haired pilot wasn’t exactly quiet.  
And it was probably this quietness and open-mindedness that encouraged her to speak again, albeit very softly.  
 **“I hated the First Order, but sometimes… Sometimes, I miss it,“** she confessed with a deep sigh. **“Because things were simple, back then. Nobody spoke up, you were expected to be a loner. You didn’t have to worry about messing up your relationships since you had none. There was a simplicity in serving Ren. People hated me, but since we all hated one another anyway, it wasn’t a big deal.“**  
Now, she was terrified of messing things up. Of screwing up the only chance she had at redemption.  
For the second time that night, Poe touched her knee.  
 **“You’ll find your place, Y/N. I know you will.“**  
He sounded so genuinely convinced that she almost was, too. But her ever-present doubts crept up on her once again and she met his eyes with a doubtful gaze.  
 **“Do you? Or are you just telling me that to make me feel better, Poe?“**  
He seemed surprised.  
 **“I do! I wouldn’t lie to you. Never. You need to give them some time, you know. I’m not blaming you for anything, but…“**  
Ah, so there was a but. Poe bit his lip out of uneasiness as if he were looking for the right words to say. He probably was, all things considered. But whatever he said wouldn’t really matter — Y/N wasn’t one to get offended easily.  
 **“You were the enemy. Some of them lost friends to the bucket heads. Good friends. They will never forget that the First Order took them.“**

The H/C smiled sadly.   
**“I’m not expecting them to. I won’t either.“**  
Silence, again. BeeBee rubbed his head against her leg and her smile softened. Y/N sighed.  
 **“Two hundred and forty-seven. That’s how many victims I made.“**  
A single tear escaped her left eye ad it glimmered in the moonlight. The woman shook her head. Most things, she had learned to live with. But that… That would never leave her. Never. It was probably true for every soldier who had to take a life during the war.  
 **“Some of them were probably their friends. So I get it, Poe. I do.“**  
She almost added ‘I hate myself too, sometimes’ but she had done enough self-loathing for the night. Instead, she sighed, and chose to say:  
 **“I’ll never truly be one of you, you know. We’re too different.“  
“That’s not a bad thing.“**  
His answer had come instantly, a sign — if she ever needed one — that he was completely honest. Even though she had confessed to hundreds of murders, he wasn’t looking at her with hatred or fear or even disgust. Simply with concern.  
And although it was touching and much appreciated, Y/N couldn’t help but laugh.  
 **“Not when you want nothing more but to fit in. But I can’t, I mean, I know that realistically, I can’t. I don’t have the same piloting style, the same habits, the same fighting training you got. I work differently.“**  
This seemed to get him to think. He stayed silent for a moment, eyebrows furrowed and eyes focused on something behind her. What was he thinking about? Had he spaced out? He was drunk, it wouldn’t have been surprising…  
 **“I can help with that, at least.“**  
Nope, he wasn’t sleeping with his eyes open.

 **“What?“** Y/N asked, obviously confused. BeeBee voiced his agreement and Poe seemed annoyed at himself for a second.  
 **“Your fighting technique. I happen to train the newbies, sometimes. I’m one of the instructors.“**  
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, his eyes looking everywhere but at her as he seemed lost in thoughts.  
 **“Listen. I’ll respect your wish and not be too defensive if I hear someone say something about your time in the Order. I won’t like it, that’s a promise. It will piss me the hell off, but I’ll play nice. In public. It doesn’t mean I can’t help you out behind closed doors. If you want to casually show off and learn how to fight as we do, I can teach you. I have a day off next week, and so do you. Before you say anything,“** he added when Y/N opened her mouth to protest, **“I’m the one offering. It’s not a problem. I want my squad to be at the top of their form. And if you can shut Tarsen up, I’ll gladly help you out.“**  
She closed her mouth.  
Really, what had she done to deserve his help? This man was a gift. She felt incredibly grateful and almost shed another tear. His concern was touching. His dedication to his squadron was incredible.  
She felt like hugging him but stopped right before she did. That would be extremely inappropriate. Instead, she turned bright pink. He was doing that thing with his eyes again.   
**“You’re too nice.“**  
Well, that wasn’t exactly the most eloquent answer she had ever given someone, but it would do.  
Of course, this seemed to great amuse Poe. He leaned forward, his eyes twinkling with mischief, and answered:  
 **“That’s my middle name.“**  
Y/N rolled her eyes. Of course, he would have to ruin the moment. Idiot.  
 **“I thought your middle name was ‘Best pilot in the Galaxy?’“** She asked, voice dripping with sarcasm, and Poe’s face lit up with a big smile.  
 **“Ah, so you finally recognize my rightful title?“**  
Oh, Maker, help. The H/C pilot huffed.  
 **“I told you, I’ll believe it when I see it.“**  
He laughed and shook his head, not offended in the slightest. Could this man be rattled by ANYTHING at all?

After a second, he stopped laughing and touched her arm like she was already used to.  
 **“Come on. Let’s go back before they send a search party for us, huh?“**  
Oh! Kriff! He was right. They had been gone for a long time. Someone was going to be worried.  
Or make assumptions about the real reason why the General had disappeared with a woman in the middle of the night.  
Whoops. Better not to think about that.  
Y/N took one last look at the starry, calming sky. The night had been very surprising.  
Poe being the biggest surprise of it all. And she had a feeling it wouldn’t be the last time he would surprise her.  
He extended a hand for her to take and helped her up like the gentleman he was, and the three of them started walking and rolling back to the clearing in which the party was taking place. Y/N was having a hard time not tripping and BeeBee had to turn on a small lamp torch so they would see where they were going. The pilot snorted.  
 **“It’s a great thing you’re not on duty tomorrow, you’re gonna have one hell of a hungover.“**  
As if he was in a better state!  
… Yeah, okay, he was walking straight. She was totally blaming the Garrmorl. Y/N winced.  
 **“Did you plan my first off day on purpose?“**  
He genuinely laughed and looked at her in amusement.  
 **“Oh yeah. I know how these parties usually go. You get some rest, alright? And maybe head to Plork to buy yourself some clothes if you can.“**

Wait. Waiiit. Had she missed something?  
Y/N stopped for a second, her drunk mind trying to make sense of what he had just said.  
 **“How do you know these aren’t-“  
“They’re Klana’s. I’ve seen her wear them before.“** He interrupted with a shrug.  
Wow. Was he a mind reader? Oh, snap! Could he hear her RIGHT NOW?!  
Wait, no, he would have said something. Wouldn’t he?  
The E/C-eyed woman was the personification of confusion, at this point. But instead of trying to understand how he was so good at reading people, she burst out laughing.  
 **“Dang, you either have a good memory or someone has a crush.“**  
Woooow, where was that coming from?! The Garrmorl was SERIOUSLY ravaging her at this point. She wasn’t usually this… This… daring! At least not with the GENERAL whom she had met not so long ago.  
But if the way they had met was giving anything away on how their relationship was evolving, then Y/N knew they were already way past being polite and professional at all times. Poe was joking around too much and the H/C had too big of a mouth for them not to fire jokes at each other, even after only a day.

As expected, he smiled good-heartedly and shook his head.  
 **“Nah, she’s not my style. And I’m definitely not hers either.“**  
They walked five more meters before drunk Y/N decided it was time to tease him some more.  
 **“I can point you to a bunch of women who’d be glad to know that,“** she casually answered, and this time, the messy-haired pilot laughed.  
 **“Hey, it’s hard being this good-looking. Don’t be jealous.“**  
How could ONE PERSON be SO full of themselves and not come off as deeply annoying?! Y/N huffed.  
 **“Maker, with all due respect, you’re way too cocky for your own good, Poe.“**  
He punched her arm gently.  
 **“Aw, don’t be like that. I promise I pay extra attention to the people of my squad. Don’t worry,“ **he added with a wink and a very obvious smirk Y/N saw clearly, even in the dim light of the forest coming from his droid.  
**** The H/C looked down at said droid after rolling her eyes exaggeratedly. ** **  
 **“BeeBee, can you please zap him for me?“** The pilot sighed.  
****The little ball beeped happily and before Poe could say anything, a small taser popped out from behind one of his side panels and a blue electric arc hit Poe in the leg. The General jumped and cursed under his breath before turning a fake shocked look at his droid. ** **  
 **“OW! Buddy, whose side are you on? What do you mean, she’s right? So someone saves you from a big ass crate and now you’re best buds all of a sudden? I can’t believe it.“**  
**** Y/N burst out laughing as BeeBee kindly pointed out that he was, indeed, being cocky, and Poe grunted in annoyance as human and droid laughed at his pouting face.

Soon enough, the bonfire came into view and laughter filled the air again. Poe was the first to stop and he turned to his companion.  
 **“Get some rest. Today has been eventful enough. I’ll call for you next week for our training session, alright?“**  
He patted her shoulder while biting his lip and glanced at the party still going strong behind them. The raging fire cast a reddish light on his features that highlighted his defined jawline, and for the third time that night, Y/N caught herself staring.  
Fortunately, Poe didn’t notice this time. When he looked back at her, his face had lost the hint of amusement and teasing he usually wore.  
 **“Hey. Thanks for talking to me. I appreciate it. If you need anything, come to me, okay? I don’t know what you went through, but…“**  
He sighed and looked away. Poe? Uncomfortable? That was new.  
 **“I’ve suffered at the hand of the First Order. And I’ve seen what they did to people. I won’t judge.“**  
His eyes became distant for a second, and Y/N bit the inside of her cheek. She knew he had been tortured by Ten himself. Her chest tightened when she thought about it. Knowing Kylo, what he must have gone through was indescribable. Instinctively, she raised the hand on the opposite side of the arm he was still touching and squeezed his hand. It seemed to bring him back to the present.  
 **“Thank you for listening, Poe. I appreciate it. I had never… talked about it.“**  
They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment. Not as the General of the Resistance and his pilot, but as two humans who had seen their lives ruined by the cruelty of a minority.  
Poe might have been one of the only people who truly understood what she had been through.  
 **“Y/N! Is that you?“**

The moment ended and Poe took his hands off her arm. Klana’s voice had interrupted them and the curly-haired pilot was walking toward them.  
 **“I’ll find you when it’s time. Enjoy your day off, Y/N.“**  
With one last wink, he was off, saluting Klana as he walked past her. The brunette looked at him, then back at Y/N, then back at him with a confused expression on her face.  
 **“Where the kriff where you?! Poe was looking everywhere for you earlier! You two have been gone for more than an hour! Did he find you?“**  
Klana looked genuinely worried and Y/N felt bad. She should have warned her.   
**“Yes, he did.“**  
That seemed to surprise the pilot. She frowned and sent her friend a quizzical look.  
 **“Then what the hell did you do for an hour?“**  
The H/C looked past the fire, eyes finding the General’s silhouette. He was back at it again, talking and laughing with Finn as if he hadn’t been listening to her sad life story only five minutes earlier.  
She smiled softly.  
 **“I made a friend.“**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That ended up being longer than expected! As usual, let me know what you think. Have a nice day/evening, and thank you for your support ♥


	6. Hit Me With Your Best Shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Y/N spend some time together, you get to learn more about her relationship with Ren, and Finn and her bond over their shared past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for a shit ton of fluff, and very light injuries.

One thing was for sure — Poe Dameron really did know his men and how the dynamics of power worked among them.  
Because at this very moment, Y/N wanted, plain and simple, to kriffing die.  
For what seemed like the hundredth time in five minutes (but was actually the four hundredth), the H/C let out a low grunt of pain. As she sat alone in the cafeteria, nursing a cup of coffee, she cursed the alcohol (the mere thought of its name made her want to throw up) profusely in every single language she knew. Which, admittedly, wasn’t a lot.  
The only thing that made her hungover better was the confirmation she had gotten from Klana that Skylen was in a much worse state than she was.  
Served him right for being a sneaky bastard and almost killing her with the Garrm-  
Nope. Not thinking about that.  
With droopy eyelids and the pounding reminder of her peer-pressured induced mistake, the woman took yet another sip of coffee, which was both her salving grace and pure torture.  
If she didn’t have errands to run, she would have stayed in bed. She probably would meet again with the cotton sheets of her now exclusive partner when she returned from Plork, the nearest big city.  
In the meantime, she would silently curse to high heavens and make empty promises and thoughtless sobriety vows.  
Damn Skylen. Damn Poe and his cute smile for making her feel pressured to down those damn shots.  
And damn herself for seeking acceptance so much she was willing to drink herself to death-

A hand entered her vision and retreated almost immediately, leaving behind a small, round-shaped, pasty white pill.  
Y/N raised her blurry gaze, finding that the hand belonged to none other than General Finn.  
He was grinning at her and nodded toward his little gift.  
**“It’s on the house. Bacta pill. It will help with your headache.“**  
Y/N stared at him for a couple second before saying as seriously as she could:  
**“Finn, did you know you’re actually my favorite person?“**  
He laughed, shining his white teeth at her as he sat down across from her. How he was so perky and well-rested after the night they had was beyond her. But Y/N was too much in pain to even think about thinking. Under Finn’s attentive gaze, she grabbed the pill and knocked it back with two enthusiastic gulps of coffee.  
**“I’m glad to know that, but know that’s actually from Poe. I told him I was gonna see you and he just laughed and instructed me to give it to you. Said something about you making bad decisions early on and him being now really sure you were right were you belonged…“**  
Y/N huffed humorlessly, but she snorted mentally. Shaking her head, she took another sip of coffee before answering:  
**“Asshole. He knows damn well he is the one to blame for that pounding headache.“**

Oh.  
Oh, kriff. Had she just insulted the General in front of the other General? Was she still half drunk?  
Even in her hazy state of mind, the words she had just let slip out turned on a big red light that only added to the pounding in her skull. But luckily for her, Finn burst out laughing, and she relaxed again.  
**“Ha! I’m glad to find someone brave enough to say that out loud. He really is an ass, but we love him anyway. I can see why he’s glad to have you in his squad.“**  
He had already told her that — albeit because of drunken honesty — the night before, but hearing Finn say it again made Y/N genuinely smile. It made her feel really happy to know she had been herself and someone had actually taken an interest in that — and liked what they saw.  
Sure, Skylen and Klana liked her company, or at least, weren’t bored of her yet. But as grateful as she was to have them both, it wasn’t quite the same as having General Dameron’s approval. He wasn’t just her colleague, but her direct officer as well.  
She felt a tiny teeny ounce of pride bubbling in her chest, and the usually modest woman allowed herself to bask in that feeling for a second.

 **“That’s actually why I’m here.“**  
…Why? Y/N wasn’t sure she understood. Her poker face probably wasn’t working very well due to the remnants of alcoholic beverages in her body because Finn nervously looked to one of her eyes, then the other.  
**“I’m glad you’re here, too. I wanted to talk to you, actually. Did someone give you a tour of the base already? Klana probably did, but she must have shown you the classic spots. I know a thing or two she doesn’t… Want to come with me? If your headache isn’t killing you.“**  
Even though he was clearly poking fun at her, he also sounded genuinely concerned for her health. Y/N gave him a warm smile and nodded — slowly.  
**“Sure. Just let me finish my coffee, or I won’t be good company.“**  
Finn started to chuckle, but his amusement came to a quick end when the E/C-eyed woman grabbed her cup and downed what was left of it in three big swigs. The lukewarm liquid tingled as it went down and Y/N smiled happily.  
**“Ahh, I love coffee.“**  
Finn stared at her in silence as she stood up and went to put her plate away.  
**“That’s one way to finish it, I guess…“** she heard him mumble as she walked away. She chuckled to herself. Apparently, her ability to chug stuff down was bewildering to the majority of her new colleagues.  
Good. She liked to keep people on their toes.

The two soldiers left the room together, and Finn happily talked about everything and nothing at once. He told her how glad he was that Poe had told Tarsen off — to which Y/N answered with a grimace — as well as how satisfied Poe was with her first mission.  
**“I’m probably not supposed to tell you that,“** he suddenly said, frowning and coming to a full stop. Two things Y/N had noticed; first, he spoke as fast as he walked, and second, he tended to babble away.  
No wonder he had hit it off so well with Poe.  
Finn gave him a chuckle as an answer as he started walking again with his energetic stride.  
**“I won’t tell if you don’t. How did you two even meet, by the way?“**  
He was more than happy to indulge her with the story of their meeting. How Poe had been captured by Kylo Ren, tortured for days, how they had escaped together. His pride and excitement were palpable as he recounted the events with tremendous details.  
**“That’s when he told me he could fly anything, actually. Man, I was sure we were gonna die,“** Finn confessed, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand. **“But we pulled through. I thought he was dead for a while, though. But he wasn’t. This guy will outlive us all, I’m telling you.“**  
She believed him.  
She believed him because she had seen what Kylo was capable of. And if Poe didn’t go crazy while the Knight of Ren was in his head, then he was set for life to face whatever would be thrown at him.

Her thoughts drifted off to Ren for a second. She felt so guilty, sad, angry, and everything in-between as she thought about Poe being held captive on the Finalizer. What he must have gone through… The cruelty with which Kylo must have gone after the information in his head. And instead of making it through but ending up as a shell of a man, Poe was still as lively as ever. Still the same guy he was before the unfortunate encounter, undoubtedly. Just with one more battle scar added to his collection.  
This man was a true warrior.  
The softest smile tugged at her lips as she silently admired Poe’s resilience and Finn, seemingly as observant as his best friend, gave her a curious look.  
**“Whatcha thinking about?“**  
She could have easily lied to him. After all, it wasn’t like he could read her thoughts or anything — and he didn’t know her well enough yet to pick up on her tells when she wasn’t being honest. But Y/N felt no need to do so — Finn was as nice as they came. Genuinely welcoming and understanding. So, instead of a random excuse, she honestly answered:  
**“Poe.“**  
He cackled and sent her a knowing look.  
**“Ha. It didn’t take long.“**  
Y/N cocked her head to the side, squinting in confusion as her still slowed-down mind tried to process what he was implying-  
She widened her eyes.  
**“I- that’s not- No! That is most definitely _NOT_ what I meant!“**  
The General laughed out loud and sent her an amused look as they walked past a door to which someone had taped a note that read “malfunctioning droid — don’t come in or you’ll get zapped“.  
(What the kriff?)  
**“I was teasing you, but you’re getting awfully defensive… something you wanna confess? Come on, I won’t tell him anything.“**  
This time, it was Y/N’s turn to stop dead in her tracks and send him an unamused look which only made him double with laughter, catching the attention of two technicians who just looked at each other and shrugged.  
**“Poe is my squad leader and I’m a professional.“**  
Finn stared at her for a second before letting out a sigh.  
**“You’re no fun.“**

What were they all thinking, really? They weren’t in one of those fiction holo-vids where the girl falls heads over heels for the guy in five minutes tops. Just because Poe Dameron was an attractive man didn’t mean she would start fawning over him. That wasn’t her style at all. First, because she actually valued her job and second, because it would take way more than her pretty face to catch her attention. She had never been a superficial kind of person. Material possessions, appearances, money, didn’t really matter to her. Connections to people, concrete actions and adventures were her bread and butter, more than expensive trinkets she would see around the necks of leaders she met while working for Ren.  
But Finn was obviously unfazed by her textbook answer and his smile hadn’t left his lips. Now that he was silent and her brain could focus on something else than his speech, Y/N used the opportunity to look around them. They were in the hallway she had walked in when she had arrived two days prior, the one leading to the control room. Strange. What were they doing here?  
They made a short detour when they got closer to the dome-shaped room since a droid had spilled some cleaning product down the hall. It was scrubbing furiously while beeping in confusion, slipping on the slippery floor while leaving a trail of unwanted bubbles in its wake. It was quite comical to see, really, since every single one of its movement only worsened the situation, and Y/N felt bad leaving it to handle the situation on its own, but Finn was quick to assure her that things were already being taken care of. And indeed, the two humans had crossed paths with a flock of R2 units coming their way in haste.  
Such funny little things they were.

However, as they got closer to the end of the pristine hallway, smartly going around another hallway to avoid the soapy mess, Y/N found that Finn wasn’t taking her to the room under the dome. Instead, he stopped halfway down the hall, turned to the left and pressed a control panel. Y/N watched as he typed in a code — 2187 — before a hidden door opened in a pneumatic whoosh.  
**“Ladies first,“** Finn offered, taking a theatrical step back and extending his hand toward the hole left in the wall. Y/N chuckled and walked in. The hallway that was hidden behind it immediately took a sharp turn right and she realized it ran parallel to the main one. It wasn’t nearly as polished and clean as the hallway they had left; with its various cables and pipes sticking out, it clearly wasn’t used that often.  
**“Mind the low pipes,“** Finn’s voice warned, and Y/N ducked just in time to avoid taking a nasty hit to the head that would have been sure to leave a nice bruise. She glanced back and shot him a thankful look before starting walking again, this time paying close attention to her surroundings.  
A green security light dimly lit the hallway and Y/N could distinguish a door at the end of it after a soft curve left. She reached it in a few seconds and opened it.  
What she found on the other sound made her hold her breath.

She had to blink a couple of times to acclimate to the bright exterior light of Kuat that plainly attacked her tired eyesight, but after getting rid of the subsiding pain, Y/N could fully appreciate the sight.  
It was some sort of garden, somewhat forming an envelope around the dome of the control room. Like the rings around a planet, it circled the high glass bubble, curved stripe of nature of about fifty meters wide. The glass was tinted and Y/N couldn’t see inside the room, but it didn’t matter; the rest of the place was interesting enough as it was.  
Luscious, tropical-looking plants were pointing toward the blue sky, reaching slightly above knee-level. Palm trees (or at least, they looked like them) were lining the protective wall that separated the rest of the base from the zone of the control room and Y/N could catch sight of a glistening surface slightly behind the soft curve of the dome — a pond, perhaps. She was hearing the sound of water after all.

Finn stood by her side in silence, a bright smile on his face, waiting for her to react. She let out a laugh of disbelief.  
**“It’s stunning! How did you even find that?“**  
It was somewhat of a stupid question since he had been living here for the better part of a year now. But still. It wasn’t the kind of place you would expect to find on a military base. At least, Y/N didn’t.  
**“It was there when we arrived. I found out about it a couple of months ago. It serves as a buffer between the dome of the control room and the wall you see over here,“** he said, waving toward the said metal wall. **“The security system can spring up from the ground and protect the control room should we need it. I tidied the place up a bit since it was uncharted lands. Abandoned for years. Nobody cared for this place.“**  
Truly sad. It was a stunning piece of nature lodged in the heart of war, metal, and concrete. Like a ring hidden in its tiny, velour-lined box.

Finn contemplated the view for a second before he nodded toward what Y/N had assumed was a pond.  
**“Come with me. I want to show you something.“**  
He led her further in the garden and Y/N found out that it was indeed a pond, with a small fountain from which clear water sprung. Inside, colorful fish were swimming, unaware of the presence of the two humans. Finn sat on a rock near the water and Y/N imitated him, sitting next to him. She felt at peace, there. Surrounded by nature. She could almost forget where she was… But not why she had been brought here.  
As if he could read her thoughts, Finn spoke up again.  
**“I don’t usually bring people here. Most of them are used to the outdoors. But not us. I always wished I could escape the white walls of the First Order when I served. It made me go crazy. Everything was black, white and blood-red. No plants, nothing.“**  
Y/N could relate. Even though she had only lived on Tatooine for a week and didn’t particularly like the sand, it was still better than the surgical-looking hallways of the Finalizer. The black TIE uniforms, the grey officer costumes.  
The blood-red blade of the saber.  
**“Hux really wasn’t a plant guy,** “ she commented, and Finn laughed.  
**“No, that he wasn’t.“**  
He turned his face toward her. His brown eyes were as warm as the sun shining above their head.  
**“I’m sorry, I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable. I know most people would rather forget the time they spent in the ranks rather than talk about it. But it’s been a while since I’ve met someone who knows. Someone who understands…“**  
And that she did.

She might not have known Finn for long but just like she did for Poe, she felt like they had a lot in common. They understood each other to a certain level. Understood the pain and suffering they had to go through to make it out alive in the harsh world that was that of the First Order.  
The sacrifices they made and the casualties they caused.  
**“Are there others like us?“** Y/N finally asked, softly, after a moment of silence. **“Ex troopers, pilots, in the Resistance.“**  
Finn seemed to think for a second.  
**“Not anymore. Not on Kuat, at least. Our kind was hunted during the war, and the few of us left either ran away from that life or are visiting the Galaxy.“**  
Understandable. That was the reason why Y/N had wanted to be a pilot. Or maybe that had been the reason why she had learned to fly in her past life. Either way, she was grateful for her skills. In space, in her little flying bubble, she had as much freedom as one could have in the Navy. Not much, but it was something.  
**“I figured you’d like this place,“** Finn said. **“I know it can be… overwhelming to be around people. Especially people we used to fight against.“**  
This time, Y/N nodded. They stayed silent for a few more seconds before she said:  
**“It’s hard. To look at their faces and see them as the members of the Resistance whose friends you probably murdered. There were so few of them and so many of us… We must have killed someone they knew at some point. I don’t know how they can forgive us for that.“**

Finn looked at her for a long time, but Y/N didn’t feel scrutinized like when Poe was staring at her with those damn hazel eyes of his. No, Finn’s gaze was kind, observant, curious.  
**“Funny how you’re one of the only people I’ve met who still say ‘Resistance’ and not ‘Alliance’ or militia.“**  
Y/N thought about it for a second. He was right, and she hadn’t even noticed. To her, they would always be the Resistance. The brave soldiers who faced evil and lived to tell the tale. The fearless rebels standing up against tyranny.  
They might have another goal, now, but what they did would never truly go away. And they would never lose their status in Y/N’s eyes. The Resistance wasn’t a name code for a group of people; it was a state of mind.  
**“I hadn’t thought about it,“** she confessed quietly. **“I guess I’m still used to the old ways. Sometimes… Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get used to being here,“** she said in a sigh.  
Her eyes went to the pond and she observed the fish, spots of colors contrasting against the dark, impenetrable bottom of the water.  
**“You’ll find your place as I did. It took some time, but you will. Where you come from won’t matter; what you’ll do will.“**  
Y/N smiled brightly. She liked the way he thought.  
**“Poe said the same thing. That I’ll find a place.“**  
Finn chuckled and shot her a cheeky smile.  
**“You’ll see that Poe often says a lot of shit, but he has his moments when he actually makes sense.“**

They laughed. Poor Poe. But Y/N had a feeling he was a snarky asshole to Finn too, so they were even.  
**“There’s something he doesn’t understand, though,“** the General said after their laughter had died down. **“It’s that we can’t forget. We can learn to live with what we did, but we can’t just forget who we were for so long… Or who we weren’t. He hasn’t forgotten about the time he was tortured either, but that’s not the same thing. He wasn’t brainwashed for years. He can find people who survived torture. We have way more of a hard time finding people like us.“**  
He paused for a second and then:  
**“I’m really glad you’re here now.“**  
Finn was right. And even though what he was saying was terrible and painful to hear, Y/N was happy. For so long, she had been alone. She had had friends after she had left, sure, but it wasn’t the same. They just couldn’t understand. Not just empathize with her story and what she had lived, but truly understand what it was like to be the bad guy. Finding someone who shared her burden, hearing a former trooper share the pain he would live with for the rest of his life but seeing how he had made a new one for himself gave her hope. A hope that she, too, could start over.  
**“CX triple six nine,** “ she said quietly. Finn answered back without a pause:  
**“FN-2187.“**  
Oh. That was the code of the door. And probably where his name came from as well. Clever.

 **“I want to give you what I didn’t have when I first joined the cause years ago. Someone to rely on. Someone who understands. A place you can go to when you feel overwhelmed and guilty. And most importantly, someone you can trust and who will help you. Peace is a fragile thing. We need to support one another.“**  
There was so much genuineness in his voice, so much conviction, that Y/N had no other choice but to believe him. And for the first time since she had landed on Kuat, she felt like her old life and the new one could cohabitate. She didn’t have to completely sever the link to her past. She could live with its teachings, be at peace with the two parts of herself without feeling like she was an impostor or a traitor.  
Finn would be her anchor. He would understand.

She didn’t know how it started, but soon enough, they were telling each other stories about their time in the First Order. Swapping anecdotes about missions, flights, attacks, shenanigans they were up to on the Finalizer. It wasn’t much of a surprise that the two had never crossed paths even though they were on the same star destroyer; Finn was just a stormtrooper and Y/N had been, at the time, Kylo’s soldier. They hadn’t been growing in the same environment. But Y/N was shocked to hear how similar things were. It was quite obvious that being an officer brought a false sense of superiority and respect. Things were as bad for her as they had been for him; except she wasn’t on the receiving end of Hux’s whimsical decisions.  
But she had been the privileged witness of Ren’s anger more than once.  
**“Hey,“** she suddenly said after they had finished laughing at the one time Hux had a wardrobe malfunction. **“You said you’d help me should I need it, right?“** She asked, and Finn eyed her curiously.  
**“Yeah. Whaddya need?“**  
Huh. She wasn’t so sure that she was allowed to ask him. After all, Poe had mentioned her training would be secret. But it was Finn; his best friend (not counting his droid) and fellow General. He must have known, right?  
**“I… Well. Poe offered to train me next week,“** she started, rubbing her neck awkwardly. **“And don’t get me wrong, I’m a trained fighter. I’m good at what I do, but I have my weaknesses. And I really want to start things off right. Do you have any tips on how I can do good in a one-on-one fight against him?“**

She hadn’t expected Finn to burst out laughing. Y/N raised both eyebrows, E/C eyes wide in surprise.  
**“You wanna know how to knock Poe on his ass? Of course, I’ll help you out with that, are you kidding me? I only wish I could see it for myself, but he already told me I won’t be allowed in the same room as you two while you train.“**  
He was way too excited about that. Y/N chuckled despite herself. The friendly teasing was so fun to watch.  
**“Poe broke his left ankle a while ago, after… Well, after he acted like a dumbass,“** Finn started, and Y/N snorted. **“Now, he has a slightly weaker leg. He has learned how to compensate, but he won’t go all-in against you, especially on your first training. If you manage to slip in his blind spot, out of his reach, and sweep his leg from the inside out with a hook of your feet, he’s gonna fall to his ass, I’m telling you.“**  
Y/N eagerly nodded and made a mental note of that piece of information. It wasn’t exactly a fair move, but hey, she wanted to impress him. And gain a leg up in the fight.  
Poe was much more trained than she was in certain fighting areas and she wanted to even the odds a little bit.  
And yes, the added satisfaction of the face he would make when swooped to the ground was also a great source of motivation.  
**“Thanks. I’ll be sure to use that well.“**

They chatted for a bit longer before Finn mentioned he had to go back. Y/N thanked him profusely, but he waved her thankfulness away, saying that all he needed in exchange was the assurance she could do her best to start a new life.  
She had wholeheartedly agreed.  
The two parted ways once they reached the main hallway and Y/N waved Finn off as he entered the control room, the memory of the garden still fresh in her mind. She felt at peace, happy, understood. Her headache was long gone, probably mostly thanks to the batch pill, but also to the peacefulness she had experienced. Finn had truly blessed her by sharing his secret place, and she was so glad to have him as her leader.  
Both of them were truly good men.  
She lingered a tad too long in the now empty hallway, eyes staring at the door Finn had just disappeared through. A soft smiled tugged at her lips. Somehow, she knew everything would be alright. She just had to let go of her irrational fears? She couldn’t control the past, nor what people thought about her. The only thing she could do was to make the best of the second chance she had been given, learn from her past mistakes, and move on.  
She knew Finn would help with that. Poe would, too. And so would SKylen and Klana.  
But one thing they couldn’t do for her was shopping for new clothes. She had to make the best of her day off, and find suitable outfits to wear instead of raiding Klana’s closet.  
Time to make that trip to Plork.

——————————————

The rest of the week flew by faster than a trip into hyperspace.  
Y/N had completed her to-do list (which wasn’t saying much, really, considering she had only one task on it) and purchased various pieces of clothing, along with a few objects to decorate her room. Material possessions weren’t her thing, but she did feel like the military room was slightly too bare for her tastes. She had bought a duvet, similar to the one she had back on Tatooine. Along with that, she had taken back a few trinkets for Klana (that the other woman had simply loved), and some beard oil for Skylen.  
He had wiped off a metaphorical tear that had Klana rolling on the floor laughing and Y/N rolling her eyes.  
Life went on. Days on Kuat were never dull, not when you were working under Poe Dameron’s orders. They had gone out on more missions, more adventures — not very exciting ones, that much was true, but it didn’t matter to Y/N. As long as she could fly, she was the happiest woman alive. This had greatly amused Poe, who found her passion for space very endearing. Well, he had said “really funny“, but Skylen had been quick to imitate his boss’s voice to poke fun at Y/N, jibing at her with how she was “the General’s new bestie“.  
This had greatly pissed her off.  
Mainly because she hated when people thought that she was cozying up to the hierarchy. And she didn’t think that Poe was acting differently towards her; he was a nice guy. Funny, compassionate and attentive. Of course, he would spend extra time making sure his newest member was settling in correctly.  
**“He would do that for everyone,“** she had countered after Skylen had been particularly annoying after a mission. The bearded man had snorted and Klana had rolled her eyes. She had warned her friend that feeding the troll would only make things worse, but Y/N was slightly touchy-feely when it came to this particular subject.  
**“Yeah, yeah. All I’m saying is that Dameron sure as heck didn’t spend an hour stargazing with me when I first joined!“**  
Y/N had rolled her eyes.  
**“That’s because you’re an annoying asshole and I hate you.“**  
Yes. She was settling just fine.

With the thrills of missions came the satisfaction of a job well done and the growing consideration of her pilot friends. Most of her squad members had little to no interest in her history with the First Order, as they had told Poe. Some of them — Mala, actually, which was surprising considering how polite she had been — had a slightly harder time coming to terms with her previous job. But as they shared the air with Y/N and they learned how she worked and how much they could rely on her, their trust in her skills slowly outweighed their wariness of her former affiliation.  
That was all the woman had ever wanted.  
And that was, partially at least, thanks to Poe.

The General had been nothing but kind to her. Very patient, very friendly. He took a moment after each mission to gently grab her shoulder and tell her exactly what she needed to be careful of, what she had to pay extra attention to. He ended his speech with one of his infamous smirks and a pat on the shoulder.  
Yes, Y/N was truly blessed to work alongside such a talented leader and pilot. And that they were slowly becoming friends. It wasn’t really hard, though, since the messy-haired man got along with everyone. He could befriend a Rancor if he was given the chance to, she just knew it.  
She had to confess he was damn good at his job, too, even though she would always playfully deny it whenever he would ask, out of pure stubbornness.  
Sure, he was critical of their work. Sure, he pushed them to be better all the time and was hard on them. But he was also incredibly encouraging, and the pilot truly admired him.  
Something she had carefully avoided sharing, considering Skylen’s propensity to tease her about Poe all the kriffing time.  
Klana had assured her she had gone through the same. Which was both a relief and slightly worrying.

But despite Skylen’s snarky comments and the pressure — a healthy one, though — she felt and looked forward to every time they took off, there was something else Y/N had been waiting for the whole week.  
Her little secret rendezvous with Poe.  
Actually, scratch that. It was a simple training session that happened to take place between two individuals only. Not a rendezvous. Kriff, Skylen’s teasing never left her thoughts, now.  
Now more than ever, she was absolutely pumped for it. She had run into Tarsen earlier that week and even though he hadn’t said anything to her — Poe had been by her side and had sent him a warning look — he had glared at her when the General wasn’t looking. The resentment he felt for her hadn’t gone anywhere; Y/N was thus more than determined to fit in even more.  
Also, she had always liked learning new things. Surely, she would learn from Poe. You don’t survive a war without some serious skills.

When her next day off came around, Y/N woke up with a huge smile on her face. She felt giddy with excitement as she kicked the covers away from her body and made a quick trip to the cafeteria in the first casual clothes she could get her hands on. A chugged coffee and some pancakes later, she had practically run back to her room. She had barely kicked the door closed that her commlink had beeped with an incoming message.  
_Are you still on for our training session?_  
Ha. For someone who was always confident and on top of things, Poe surely had checked on her several times that week. It made Y/N chuckle. How could she even change her mind? That was an incredible opportunity.  
Also.  
She just had to test Finn’s tip on Poe. He was a better X-Wing pilot than she was (at least for now) and if there was the slightest chance she could beat him up at something, then she would gladly take it. Finn had mentioned he needed a healthy dose of competition, right? She was about to serve that to him with a big smile and a roundhouse kick.  
She quickly typed in her answer and she didn’t even have time to lower her arm that the device on her wrist beeped once more.  
_Meet me in 15 minutes in region 6. There’s an empty training zone. My droid will keep watch. Bring your blaster._  
Hah. Of course, the adorable orange ball would be part of the mission.

It was raining that day on Kuat, but it didn’t quash Y/N’s excitement. She didn’t mind a little rain. All she had known for a while had been the scorching heat, sand, and cold empty hallways. Some rain was nice.  
She discarded the dirty jumpsuit she had put on to go out and pulled out a nice, new sport outfit she had bought for a handful of credits in Plork. It was a cropped, white t-shirt, made of a stretchy material that clung to her figure. Designed for fighters, the vendor had told her. She wasn’t sure he had even been in a fight in his life, but hey, it felt nice to the touch. A matching pair of shorts completed the outfit and Y/N was also wearing her trusty combat boots.  
The H/C strapped her holster to her right thigh and put the blaster in, her eyes lingering on the carved initials in the butt. Her thumb slowly grazed them as her mind wandered.  
She couldn’t help but think back to the last time she had had a private fighting teacher.  
Her E/C gaze became dull as her thoughts went back in time, reaching the memory that had been buried under so many newer ones.  
One she couldn’t help but compare the current situation to.

——————————————

_Y/N’s life was painted in shades of black and white. Nothing more, and nothing less._  
_She spent her days clad in all black, whether it was in her pilot’s uniform or her officer outfit. Tight pieces of clothing that felt like a second skin at this point. But a skin that wasn’t really hers, as if she had received a transplant her whole body and soul was fighting with all their might to reject._  
_She had gotten used to it, though._  
_The first days had been tough. The looks she had received, the thinly-veiled glares of pure hatred had bothered her greatly. When Hux had introduced her to her new squadron, she could feel the envy, the hate, the anger hanging in the air like as many tiny swords ready to strike her down._  
_Y/N had done her best to be irreproachable. To be what Kylo Ren expected her to be; a leader who gives orders and doesn’t ask questions. As smart as a human, as obedient as a droid._  
_For the most part, the newly-appointed Captain succeeded pretty well._  
_But there were some nights where she would wake up in a cold sweat, gasping for air in her all-white quarters, and her eyes would catch her reflection in the mirror by her bed._  
_She could see her face but couldn’t even recognize herself. Who was she anyway? Was she Y/N Thunderbird, or Captain Thunderbird? For a woman trying to find her identity, she felt like she had lost something she never truly had. Wasn’t she betraying Ada and Ectel by working obediently for the First Order?_

_It was during one of those nights of doubt and panic that she had received a message on her commlink. She had at least three hours to go before she was supposed to be on bay six, boarding her TIE to lead her team into yet another perilous mission. But sleep had left her, much like the few memories she had managed to gather from her past had. Her mind was an empty mess of tangled feelings, trying to find connections to memories she had lost long ago. Y/N was sitting on the edge of her bed, clutching her head to prevent it from bursting under the intense pressure. She needed to do something, anything._  
_Maybe that was the real reason she was willingly working for Ren. He provided a much-needed distraction to the war her mind was fighting against her own ignorance._

_It was the said Knight of Ren who had beeped her. Y/N absentmindedly checked her communicator, eyes slightly narrowing to read the luminous screen._  
When you get this message, come to my quarters. Don’t let anyone see you.  
_Although Ren had warned her he would call for her, reading the actual message got the woman to freeze._  
_Another distraction._  
_It took her only two minutes to get dressed in black again, putting the only casual outfit she had been provided with; a pair of stretchy leather pants, knee-high boots, and a loose-fitted black shirt. If Ren wanted her to dress up in her usual officer attire, he would have said so._  
_Since she had no idea what they would do, she threw her cape on for good measure. The damn thing was heavy and flapped as she walked, giving her a bit of a train effect she had already noticed on both Hux and the Knight. She also, strangely, felt like it helped her blend in. People tended to look the other way when they saw flapping capes adorned with the horizontal bar made of blue and red little squares._  
_Her hair had been tied up into a low bun, perfect little ball of H/C strands. If someone saw her from afar, they could be tricked into thinking she had just woken up. But the dark circles under her eyes were enough of a proof that was wrong for anyone who looked closely._  
_Nobody usually did._

_She had never been further into the living quarters of the officers. It was quieter than the rest of the ship and a few hallways down from hers. Usually, she would never venture in that part of the Finalizer; it was strictly prohibited and she wasn’t so keen on attracting Hux’s anger._  
_But she had an invitation from Ren himself._  
_Unless it was a hoax…? Kriff, she hadn’t thought about that._  
_Ah, it didn’t matter. If he screamed at her, she would pull the “I was worried for your safety, Sir,“ card and run away from him as fast as she could before he had the idea to probe her mind._  
_Yeah. That would never work._  
_Oh, well._

_After a few moments spent alone walking in the empty hallways, Y/N found herself in front of Kylo’s door. Before she had the time to stop herself and overthink what she was about to do, she raised her closed fist and knocked three times against the metal door._  
_Silence answered her. She took a step back in case he had the bright idea to open the door with his lightsaber in hand. She did NOT want to die by that thing._  
_The door whooshed open._  
_Kylo Ren was standing on the other side, hand on the hilt of his lightsaber as Y/N had expected, but the glowing stick was turned off. The man was unmasked and his brown eyes held a hint of confusion._  
**_“Captain. I wasn’t expecting to see you so quickly.“_ **  
_Hah. Had she been able to surprise the great Kylo Ren, leader of the Knights of Ren?_  
_Apparently._  
_If she wasn’t scared to be stabbed by the pointy, glowing thing on his hip, she would have given him a smug smile in answer._  
_Instead, she merely shrugged._  
**_“I wasn’t sleeping.“_ **  
_He gave her a nod and stepped aside._  
**_“Come in. Hurry.“_ **  
_He was either in a bad mood or he really didn’t want anyone to find her outside of his room at such an ungodly hour._  
_Since she still had her head on her shoulders, she was guessing it was answer number two._

_Unlike what she had been excepting, she didn’t step inside his room. It was some sort of a living room, with zero personal belongings apart from his helmet set down on a table. It was glaring at her with its cold, lifeless eyes. It had always greatly impressed her._  
**_“This way.“_ **  
_If he wanted to murder her, now was the time to do so. She was unharmed, alone with him, and he had his lightsaber at the ready._  
_She was so going to die._  
_But Ren didn’t seem angry. Instead, he led her without a word to a door he opened with a flick of his wrist._  
_Show off._  
_Realizing he could probably hear her thoughts if he wanted to, Y/N hurried after him, following him like a shadow on the wall._  
_Which she sort of was, since she was fully dressed in black._

_The room she was led to was very, very spacious._  
_At least ten by ten meters, fully white like the others on the damn spaceship, but they were peculiar in the fact that they were cut open in several places as if someone had lashed out at the wall with-_  
_… Oh._  
_Those cuts were the poorly-healed scars of Ren’s lightsaber-y outbursts._  
_Around the door, on the wall, several weapons were chained to the wall, protected by a buzzing energy shield. Against the right wall, a small bench was sitting, the only piece of furniture of the whole room. A lengthy bay window on their right let the dim light of the distant stars in the room._  
_It was his personal training room._  
_Which worried her slightly._  
_Okay, it worried her greatly._  
_She stood in perfect silence, standing in front of the door that had closed behind her, hands behind her back. Her heart had gone up in her throat and she felt very uncomfortable. This didn’t feel like a normal First order meeting._  
_Well, no shit, Laser Brain. He had literally called for her at FOUR in the KRIFFING MORNING and brought her to his quarters._  
_That wasn’t normal._

**_“I can sense your uneasiness.“_ **  
_No need to have force powers to sense that. But him stating the obvious made her feel even more awkward._  
_He finally turned around, mirroring her position, albeit much more confidently. He always exuded confidence. Whether he was good at faking it or genuinely feeling it, Y/N couldn’t say._  
**_“I called for you for a specific reason. And I am not about to murder you, so you can relax. Put your cape on the bench, you won’t need it.“_ **  
_How did he- Had he just-_  
_**“You were projecting,“** he simply added, face unreadable._  
_Ah._  
_Still feeling a bit uneasy despite his reassurance he wouldn’t chop her head off, Y/N did as she was told, folding the cape and putting in on the bench. She went back to her previous spot once she was done, awaiting further instructions._  
**_“If you tell anyone about this meeting, I will kill you myself.“_ **  
_Instructions heard loud and clear._  
_He started walking around her in slow circles, studying her. Y/N suddenly felt very underdressed even though she was very much fully clothed. What was he doing? What was he looking for?_  
**_“You have proven to be a valuable asset as a pilot. You have proven to be the right choice for the job, as I had anticipated. You are ready to take on a new mission.“_ **  
_He stopped in front of her, his face expressionless. Y/N didn’t look down. She knew he wouldn’t appreciate that. Hux did it often enough for her to understand it pissed him off to no end to have people with no backbone as he subalterns._  
**_“You are to become my personal spy. I need a trustworthy asset in the lower ranks of the First Order. Someone who will report to me and I can entrust secret assignments with. Someone trained to be my own personal soldier.“_ **

_Y/N couldn’t stop herself in time._  
**_“Don’t you have the Knights of Ren for that, Sir?“_ **  
_His eyes narrowed ever so slightly but he didn’t say anything for a moment._  
**_“They report to the Supreme Leader.“_ **  
_Wait…_  
_Was he saying what she thought he was saying?_  
_As if he were reading her mind — which he could have been — Ren added:_  
_**“You will only report to me. Follow my instructions and mine only for this job. You will still report to Hux and whoever is above you when it comes to your pilot duties. But for the rest of your missions… You will take orders from me.“** _  
_He was asking her to keep secrets from Snoke._  
_That was… Unexpected. And interesting._  
_Y/N had always thought of him as the perfect apprentice. Why would he hide anything from his master, the Sith who trained him? Questions like that were above her paygrade, but it didn’t mean she wasn’t curious._  
_She wasn’t about to ask him, though._

_Instead, she frowned and tilted her head to the side._  
**_“Why call me here, Sir?“_ **  
_The faintest hint of a smile tugged at the corners of his lips._  
**_“Because you need training. You are mediocre at best. A capable pilot, but an unskilled fighter. And I can’t rely on someone who has the fighting abilities of a child.“_ **  
_Okay, that stung badly._  
_The woman winced but didn’t say anything, mainly because he was right. She didn’t know how to fight — at least she didn’t think so. It wasn’t like she remembered much from her life. Yes, she was pretty sure she knew the basics — how to throw a punch, how to duck. But the rest of her reflexes had been lost to the monster in her mind._  
**_“I will train you like I trained the Knights. Make a capable fighter out of you, so you can serve me correctly. You are of no use to me if you’re incapable of handling yourself.“_ **  
_He was right._  
_And even though he had his own selfish reasons for training her, Y/N couldn’t help but be excited. He was giving her the tools to handle herself._  
_That was nice. Everything she could learn would be a leg up in the ruthless environment she lived in._  
_Ren made his way to the weapons against the wall and extended his open hand towards it. A wooden sword-looking object was thrust by the Force into his waiting hand, and he closed his fingers on it. Then, he turned to her and handed her the weapon._

_Y/N tentatively picked it up. He wasn’t expecting her to parry his lightsaber with a stick, was he? Because if he did, she was going to disappoint him greatly and very fast._  
**_“Hold it up and try to stop me from hitting you.“_ **  
_That was easy enough, right? She had a weapon, he wouldn’t use his. Maybe she stood a chance after all-_  
_The first blow came out of nowhere and hit her in the shoulder. A provocative jab that didn’t really hurt anything but her ego._  
_Y/N looked up indignantly at him, but he only offered his expressionless face as an answer to her outrage._  
_Scratch that — it wasn’t easy._  
_And none of the things that followed were._  
_Whoever Kylo Ren wanted her to become, she had a long way to go before she could be that person._  
_And she would go back to her room with countless bruises before that happened, too._

——————————————

She was taken back to the present by a loud clatter outside of her door. Y/N jumped and realized she had spaced out.  
Kriff.  
If she went on with her daydream, she would be late, and that was simply unacceptable. She wouldn’t let Poe wait, especially since he was doing her a huge favor.  
With one last look in the mirror and a quick flick of her wrists to tie her H/C hair into a ponytail, she left the room in haste, her mind still trailing behind, fixated on past memories.  
History was bound to repeat itself.  
At least, this time, she was wearing white.

By the time she reached their meeting place, she was already quite out of breath. As usual, she had gotten lost and had to methodically check the hallways until she found the one she was interested in, running as fast as she could to try and not be late while reading the numbers correctly.  
Ah, her hope of actually learning to find her way through the maze that was this base had gone through the window long ago.  
When she finally found the door she was looking for, she punched the pad to open it and rushed inside without even knocking.  
Poe turned around in surprise, clearly not expecting her to burst in like a madwoman. She stopped as the door closed behind her, catching her breath for a moment before mumbling:  
**“Sorry, I’m late. I got lost.“**  
Poe laughed in that melodic chuckle of his, the one that held absolutely no trace of depreciation whatsoever.  
**“I just arrived. Did you actually run all the way here? Kriff, you were really looking forward to seeing me, huh?“**  
Y/N gave him an annoyed look that made him double with laughter.  
**“Okay, okay. I get it. Come on. We have the room for two hours only before someone comes interrupting our little session.“**  
He turned away and started walking toward what looked like a shooting range. Before Y/N could stop herself, she mumbled:  
**“You sure know how to set the mood, huh.“**  
**“HEARD THAT!“**

The room wasn’t that big, but it was spacious enough to fit a medium-range shooting range, a boxing dummy, and an empty space in the middle of it all with mats on the ground to be used as a hand-to-hand combat zone. It was quite obvious it was one of the less-used training areas; dust-covered certain pieces of equipment and some of it looked like it hadn’t been touched in years, maybe before the war had even started.  
It didn’t seem to bother Poe, though.  
The said man was the most dressed-down Y/N had ever seen, even more than he had been when they had talked in the forest that night. He had stripped off of his leather jacket, which was particularly weird to see.  
He was also droid-less, which was even weirder.  
Dressed in fitted brown slacks, his high boots, and a simple, loose tunic, he looked as relaxed as ever, which contrasted starkly with how tense Y/N felt. Could anything faze this man, really?  
He seemed to pick up on her uneasiness and shot her one of his infamous smirks.  
**“Relax. I won’t bite. I told you, I’m here to help you. But I can’t do that if you don’t let me, alright?“**  
Once again, he patted her shoulder and Y/N smiled. He was right; he wasn’t here to judge her or scold her. He had been, after all, the one to offer.  
Might as well make the most of the opportunity-  
**“You look good, by the way. I’ve never seen you in white. That’s a nice change from the ugly ass orange things we have to wear.“**  
Wait.  
Wait.  
Had he just-

But before she could react to the casual compliment, Poe was already crossing his arms, studying her closely.  
**“Okay. First things first, I need to know what you know.“**  
Kriff, he wasted no time. Pushing the pesky thoughts away, Y/N thought about it for a second.  
**“I can shoot. And I’ve been trained extensively in hand-to-hand combat, but only with weapons. I’ve been in a few fistfights, but nothing worth mentioning.“**  
Poe stayed silent for a moment, brows very slightly furrowed. It created a cute little dimple right above his nose.  
**“That’s not part of the usual stormtrooper training, or is it?“**  
He was doing a very poor job hiding his curiosity.  
And Y/N’s blood ran cold.  
She truster her General, she really did; but there were things she just wasn’t ready to share. Not just with him, but with anyone.  
Oh, how bad she felt, hiding such an important piece of information from a man who had been so open and nice to her since she had met him. There wasn’t an ounce of distrust in those hazel eyes of his. Just plain curiosity.  
And yet. She felt her stomach sink.  
She had never been too good of a liar. At least, not sober. She was much more confident when she was drunk.  
Yet, Poe didn’t know her well enough to pick up on her tells yet. She was planning on using that particular detail to her advantage.  
Her feet changed positions as she shrugged unconvincingly.  
**“Hey, I wasn’t a regular trooper. I was an officer. Damn close to becoming Commander, too. And I wasn’t going to ask what was or wasn’t part of the usual training.“**  
He cocked his head to the side and mumbled a soft “fair enough“. Y/N sighed discreetly. She felt awful about lying to him, but she would eventually tell him the truth… Just not right now.

Oblivious to her inner turmoil, Poe changed the subject.  
**“So. You mentioned knowing how to shoot a blaster. Can you tell me more about that?“**  
Y/N shrugged. She didn’t really like blasters but had had to learn how to use one. She unsheathed hers and looked at it for a second, turning the scratched weapon in her hands. It had got her out of various situations, that much was true.  
**“I’m a decent shot. Not the best, though. I could definitely work on my skills.“**  
She tilted her head to the side, hesitating before she added:  
**“I prefer more civilized weapons.”**  
Poe snorted and his eyes glimmered with amusement. He crossed his arms, a smile tugging at his lips.  
**“Like an X-Wing fighting unit?”**  
Hah! He got her! Y/N nodded vigorously. See? He understood-  
**“You do realize they’re basically extra-large blasters?”**  
The laughter in his voice was very much obvious and he was doing a poor job hiding it.

Y/N stared at him, mouth agape, looking for a smart thing to hit him back with. But her mind was blank. Apparently, she had left her sass at the door. After a few seconds of awkward silence, she closed her mouth, huffed, rolled her eyes and mumbled:  
**“Shut up.”**  
Poe’s laughter echoed around them and Y/N rolled her eyes again. Still laughing, he slightly leaned forward conspiratorially and answered:  
**“Shut up, _General_.”**  
Okay, now, he was definitely being a snarky asshole.  
Y/N groaned in annoyance and shot him a fake offended look.  
**“Are you seriously pulling the ‘General’ card after insisting for days that I call you Poe?“** She asked indignantly, and he chuckled, raising his hands in a mocking gesture of surrender.  
**“Hey, I need to make the most of that title when I can. Now, come on. Show me what you’ve got.“**  
He nodded toward the targets. Okay, she could do it. It had been a while since she had had to fire her gun, but she shouldn’t be too much out of practice.

They spent quite some time at the shooting range, Poe giving her pointers to enhance her aim. What she needed most, had he said, was practice. And Y/N had nodded eagerly; he was right. She needed to train regularly, like a soldier. Only then, her aim would improve. There was no magical recipe to get better at something: practice made perfect, it always had.  
Poe was an excellent teacher. Very thorough in his explanations, very patient, very attentive. It was no wonder he was an instructor.  
Was there something he didn’t know how to do? Seriously?  
She had realized a bit too late she had asked the question out loud, noticing the words had left her lips only when he laughed, eyes twinkling with mischief.  
**“Alright, I’ll confess. I might be the best pilot of the Galaxy, but I’m a terrible cook.“**  
Oh.  
OH.  
She would never let him live that down.  
After a good hour of blowing holograms up, the two pilots stepped away from the shooting range and Poe took both of their guns away, carefully putting them on a table nearby.  
Y/N knew what was coming next, and her suspicions got confirmed when he picked up two wooden staff. He threw one at her and she caught it easily.  
Oh, he was never going to beat her at THIS game.  
Ren had done a damn good job with her combat training.  
She smirked to herself as Poe took a respectful step back, spinning the fake weapon in his hands.  
**“Okay. You said you know how to handle yourself with a weapon, right? Show me what you’ve got, Keebler.“**  
Y/N froze on the spot.

Her eyes widened as she realized he had just given her a nickname. She blinked a couple of times as a smile grew on his face.  
**“What? Something the matter?“**  
**“What did you just call me?“**  
Oh, he looked very proud of himself. He smirked, throwing and catching the staff in his hands.  
**“Keebler. It suits you. You’re short.“**  
Okay, she was NOT that short, excuse you.  
She cocked her head to the side and froze, mouth agape, for a few seconds, before she let out a dark chuckle.  
**“I’ll find a worse one for you, Poe. Just you wait. In the meantime…“**  
The pilots pinned the staff expertly spun the weapon in her hands.  
**“I’m gonna kick your ass.“**  
He chuckled.

His proud smirk quickly disappeared from his face after she pounced on him.  
Their staff clashed in a frenzy of hits and blows, furious ballet of wooden characters. Y/N was not holding back, and even though he was a decent fighter, he was no match for her years of training under Kylo Ren’s mentorship.  
After avoiding a slow blow on his part, Y/N ducked, rolled out of the way and hit him in the back with her foot before swooping his legs from under him with her staff. Poe fell on his back and groaned.  
**“Okay. I might have underestimated you.“**  
Y/N laughed and held out his hand to help him up. He jumped back to his feet with a visible wince. His hair was a mess, brown locks falling on his face. But he had a bright smile on his lips and he looked very proud.  
**“You’re not the first person who does that.“**  
**“Maybe not, but it’s certainly the last time I will make that mistake.“**  
They laughed as they caught their breaths. It was so invigorating to train like this. Sparring sessions were always so much fun and such a good way to blow off some steam.  
Poe’s chest was heaving with effort, and the man looked positively disheveled. Both of them were already sweating messes at this point and his shirt clung to his shoulders, underlining how defined they were.  
Yeah, okay.  
Y/N now understood while basically everyone on base was drooling at the sight of him.  
She imagined she didn’t look nearly as handsomely messy as he did. Only Poe Dameron could pull off the ‘I just got thrown to the ground’ look in such a good way.  
Kriff, he was terribly annoying, and unwillingly, too. He wasn’t condescending; he was just unapologetically himself. A tease, yes, but a humble one.  
Annoying.

He ran a hand through his slightly damp locks and shook his head.  
**“Okay. I don’t think we need to work on that. Let’s move on to hand-to-hand combat. My revenge will be terrible, you can be kriffing sure of it.“**  
And since she was feeling cheeky, Y/N looked him up and down a smirked provocatively:  
**“Oh yeah? Bring it on, Dameron.“**  
Kriff.  
She had absolutely _ZERO_ instinct of self-preservation.  
The woman already knew Poe was super competitive. Maybe provoking him in an area she clearly didn’t have the upper hand in wasn’t her smartest move yet. But he had teased her enough to rattle her, and although she was usually quite good at keeping her emotions in check, he seemed to have the uncanny capacity of getting under her skin and bringing out her snarky side.  
That would be the death of her, she was sure of it.  
As Skylen had said a few days before, her big mouth would get her in trouble.  
And Poe Dameron was the personification of trouble.  
Hey. At least Death had a handsome face and stunning hazel eyes, huh?

She got thrown to the floor in three seconds.  
Her back hit the hardened mat with a thud, effectively knocking out the air from her lungs. Y/N groaned in pain, mentally cursing herself for so blatantly challenging him. As soon as he had instructed for her to stand in her go-to fighting position, the woman had obliged. But fighting with your bare hands and using a weapon were two different approaches.  
And Poe had literally swooped her feet from under her, piercing through her defense with ease.  
And without breaking a sweat.  
He helped her back to her feet, hoist her up with no effort. The cocky bastard was grinning at her like the Cheshire Cat and his smugness reflected in his eyes.  
**“What was that?“** He asked casually, but Y/N didn’t miss the obvious challenge in his tone. She rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, which got him to chuckle.  
**“Shut up, General.“**  
This time, Poe simply laughed, and the smile he had on his face got Y/N to smile a bit as well.  
He had a very charming smile, and this laugh of his was kriffing contagious. She had almost forgotten how he had basically knocked her down.  
Almost.  
**“You have the right idea, but your posture is wrong. You’re standing like you were earlier. Like you still have your weapon. You don’t. And you can’t hide your body behind something you don’t have.“**  
He circled around her, instructing her to stand as she had right before her world had spun around her. The way his eyes critically roamed over her body made her feel insanely self-conscious. She wasn’t uncomfortable per se; he wasn’t doing anything but studying her posture. No disrespectful stare, no creepy, disgusting looks.  
He obviously wasn’t the type to objectify people.  
**“May I?“**  
She realized she had zoned out when Poe spoke up. He was right by her left side, close enough that she could see the gold flecks in his eyes. It took Y/N a split second to understand he was asking for permission to touch her.  
**“Oh! Sure.“**  
When was the last time anyone had be considerate enough to ask for consent?

Never.  
For someone who was never shying away from physical contact, he was being very polite all of a sudden. She didn’t mind; not when he didn’t ask since he always made sure that the people he would pat the shoulder of weren’t uncomfortable, and not when he was asking, either. He must have had his reasons this time-  
Y/N almost shrieked out loud when his hands landed on her hips.  
So _THAT_ was why he had asked.  
Good on him, because she might have broken his nose as a reflex if he hadn’t.  
Instinctively, she tensed up. The soft digits of his fingers had landed on the bare stripe of skin left exposed from the particular cut of her workout clothes. Why, just why had she bought that damn thing?!  
He was now standing right behind her, close enough that Y/N could feel his breath fanning against the skin of her neck and she shuddered hard enough that he probably felt it.  
Kriff.  
Yes. Maybe she was slightly touched-starved. Maybe she hadn’t been on the receiving end of an honest, gentle physical contact from a man in years. And even though her mind was repeating that Poe wasn’t going to suddenly turn on her, she couldn’t force herself to relax. She just couldn’t.  
Not when the torture and the blows she had taken were still so fresh in her mind, ever-so-visible bruises that had once mirrored the ones marring her body. The physical traces had faded over time, but the ones in her head were still as fresh as ever.  
**“Hey. It’s okay. I won’t hurt you.“**  
If Y/N didn’t know better, she would have assumed Poe was force-sensitive and had just read her mind. But he wasn’t, she was sure of that — or, rather, Klana had told her he wasn’t earlier that week. Which was all the more impressive; his uncanny ability to read people was truly remarkable.  
Unsettling, but remarkable nonetheless.  
**“Sorry,“** she said, and she didn’t really know why. She was used to apologizing out of politeness, even though she wasn’t at fault.  
His hands were still on her hips. The heat of his skin made her nerve endings fizzle.  
Okay, and why was her heart beating so damn fast?  
She knew it wasn’t directly Poe’s fault. It wasn’t his fault he was literally the first man to lay a hand on her. And he certainly didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of her trauma-triggered response. She took a deep breath in, and when she breathed out, she forced her muscles to relax.

She couldn’t see him, but Y/N felt Poe’s smile.  
**“Good,“** he whispered, and she wasn’t sure whether it was for her or himself. It didn’t really matter either way.  
Slowly, he moved her hips and pushed the back of her leg forward with his own. His hands momentarily left her skin to replace themselves on her shoulders and he tilted them to the side slightly.  
Once he was happy with how she was standing, he hummed in approval and went back to standing in front of her.  
Y/N hadn’t tensed back up. Apparently, her mind felt relaxed enough in his presence to allow her body to do so as well.  
**“See? With your hands held up like this and your feet apart like that, you’ll have an easier time dodging the upcoming blows. And the faster you are on your feet, the faster you can dodge the big-ass hits they’re gonna send your way.“**  
He worked her through basic moments, routines he had practiced so many times he could redo them in his sleep. For someone who spent a great part of his time confined in the tiny cockpit of his X-Wing, he was surprisingly agile and toned.  
Poe taught her some basic moves Y/N managed to put her own twist on thanks to her pre-existent training. She had to learn how to parry with her arms, how to use her momentum, what to do with her hands. Really, if anything, she was just sincerely pissed at herself for not insisting that Ren taught her hand-to-hand combat. She knew why he had focused on armed fights instead — if she lost her weapon, she deserved what was coming for her, had he said one day — but still. Now, she was lacking knowledge in this certain area of expertise and if it wasn’t for Poe, she would have been greatly handicapped.

By the time he had shown her everything he wanted to, Y/N was panting. He had worked her to the bone. Was she that out of shape? Perhaps, because he had barely broken a sweat, his golden skin glistening ever-so-slightly while she must have looked like she had just jumped in the Kuatian great sea. Kriff, he pissed her off to no ends.  
But he was a damn good teacher.  
**“Okay. I think we’re ready to try again. Unless you’re scared I’m gonna wipe the floor with you again?“**  
That damn smile of his made it really hard for Y/N not to challenge him again. But she was determined to make him regret it; she still hadn’t used Finn’s secret trick. With a smile her own, she slipped into the fighting stance he had shown her earlier and Poe gave her an appreciative look, seemingly admiring his work.  
Y/N easily dodged and then blocked his two first blows, and he did the same with her own. She knew he wasn’t giving his all, testing her understanding of his teaching instead, but he gradually picked up his rhythm. The hour and a half of intense training had worn her off and Y/N knew she couldn’t keep up much longer.  
Time to see if Finn was right.

As she ducked under his arm, Y/N stepped out of the way, sliding on his left. With a precise swoop of her feet, she hooked his left ankle, and Poe lost his balance. A smile crept up on her face and she jumped the occasion; using one of the techniques he had shown her earlier, she used his momentum against him, sliding back in front of him to throw him over her shoulder.  
He hit the mat on his back and grunted.  
**“What the- how did you do that? I didn’t teach you that!“**  
He was more surprised than angry, his face a mix of amazement and absolute shock. Y/N burst out laughing. Her ribs were hurting.  
**“That was Finn. I asked him for help. Gave me some pointers. Kriff, you should see your face.“**  
She started laughing louder when Poe huffed in outrage.  
**“Oh, for kriff’s sake. My own friend is betraying me. I can’t believe it.“**  
Y/N was so busy basking in her glory that she didn’t notice the glimmer in his eyes shifting from fake indignation to wickedness.  
Not until he swooped her legs from underneath her and sent her rolling above him. Y/N shrieked in surprise as she landed on her back, her head next to his.

Silence.  
And then-  
They both laughed.  
Y/N’s chuckles were a bit strained as she wheezed, trying to catch her breath. Poe tilted his head to the side to look at her, amused. His hair was a mess and some strands were falling over his eyes. He pushed them away as Y/N tried to calm down.  
**“Ow. That was a low blow.“**  
**“Final lesson of the day, Y/N. Never let you guard down.“**  
They laughed again for a moment before they got quiet, staring at the ceiling, the sound of their rapid breathings filling the empty room.  
Y/N smiled.  
**“I’m not getting up. You’ve really worked me down.“**  
He gave her a tired chuckle.  
**“Yeah… We’ve earned five minutes of cooldown time.“**  
As they caught their breaths, Y/N couldn’t help but think that she had no reason to be worried; she was in capable hands.  
And she was looking forward to training with him again.

——————————————

 **“Someone has a cruuuuuuush!“**  
She huffed for the hundredth time as Skylen repeated himself for what seemed like the thousandth time in the last five minutes.  
The bearded pilot, Klana and Y/N were sitting at an empty table, in a deserted cafeteria. It was a slow day for them. Poe was busy tending to his General duties and both squads weren’t flying until later that day.  
And of course, Y/N had made the unforgivable mistake of telling her two friends about their training session.  
She was sure that helping some details to herself would prevent them from teasing her too much.  
She was glaringly wrong.  
Klana and Skylen had shared a glance and, with a well-rehearsed timing, had exclaimed:  
**“YOU’VE GOT A CRUSH!“**  
Y/N had denied it with all her might, but to no avail; the two pilots had decided to be annoying.

 **“So you’re telling we you got a private, hot training session with the General and you two just TRAINED? I don’t know whether you’re an idiot or an actual saint for having kept your hands to yourself,“** Skylen mumbled before taking a sip of his coffee. Y/N groaned in annoyance and looked at Klana for support, but the brunette purposely looked away.  
So much for feminine support, huh?!  
**“For the hundredth time, he is my boss, he was kind enough to help me out, and I’m not interested,“** she repeated. Klana’s eyes finally found hers and she muttered:  
**“Definitely an idiot.“**  
Skylen cackled and Y/N let her head fall forward, forehead hitting the metallic table with a thud.  
**“You two are insufferable.“**  
She finished her coffee as the two older pilots went back to their teasing, sharing not-so-subtle “whispers“ between each other, seemingly forgetting that Y/N could, in fact, very much hear them. Why they were so hell-bent on getting her to confess her supposed crush, Y/N didn’t know. It wasn’t her style to just fawn over everyone.

 **“You know,“** Klana suddenly said, leaning on both elbows with a conspiring look on her face. “ **It’s healthy to have some eye candy on base. It gives you something to look forward to coming back to when you’re on a mission. That’s always helpful. You won’t act like an idiot if you have someone waiting at home.“**  
She had a point, and Skylen eagerly voiced his agreement with a grunt and a vigorous nod. Y/N sighed. They were not going to leave her alone, were they?  
**“Can’t you just let it go?“**  
The looks they gave her were enough of an answer.  
Skylen then turned around, looking at their colleagues in the cafeteria. It was fairly empty, which seemed to disappoint him. He pouted.  
**“Okay. If not Dameron, then we’re gonna find you a nice guy to crush on. No, don’t thank us,“** he said when Y/N opened her mouth. Klana giggled and squinted as if she were intently inspecting the mass of workers scattered around the tables.  
Okay. As long as they didn’t involve Poe in their little game, then she could live with that.  
Someone soft cleared their throat and the three pilots jumped, turning around, only to discover Finn standing right by their table. From the look on his face, he had heard at least part of their conversation.  
Kriff. Y/N wanted nothing more than for the ground to open up and swallow her whole.

 **“General,“** she stammered, and Skylen lowly cackled. She hit him under the table and turned her attention back to Finn.  
**“Sorry to interrupt your very important mission, but we need you in the control room. We have a mission for you. Specifically you two,“** he added, looking at the two women.  
They exchanged worried looks and all three of them stood up at the same time, their friendly banter long forgotten. Y/N’s heart was pounding in her chest. It sounded serious. Was something wrong? Had something happened?  
Noticing how worried they looked, Finn raised both of his eyebrows.  
**“Hey, don’t look at me like that. We’re good. But I hope you’re fast packers because we’re leaving tomorrow at dawn. Klana, Y/N, Poe, Tarsen and I.“**  
Skylen cackled and Klana distinctively groaned as they seemed to understand, and Y/N frowned. Was she missing something? What was going on? She purposely ignored the fact that TARSEN of all people had been mentioned too. Maybe it was a mistake…  
To her interrogative glance, Finn simply answered:  
**“We’re going to Coruscant. The Senate has called for us.“**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya!  
> Fun fact, Keebler is actually a real nickname I found on some random army website. Reader is shorter than Poe in this fic (you get to decide by how much). Hope you liked it! It was really fun to write something light-hearted, especially given the current circumstances. I hope you guys are safe and healthy ♥


	7. You're All I've Got Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things in Coruscant don't go as planned...

There were many things Y/N had never expected to experience in her life.   
She had never thought she would survive the war - she had.  
She had never thought she would see the day when she would join the Resistance - she had.  
She had never thought she would, one day, find herself flying something else than a TIE fighter - she had.  
Sure, life had found a way to prove her wrong on many, many things?  
But finding herself traveling in a YACHT was something she was SURE she would never get to see during her lifetime. After all, she was a nobody, a nameless pilot caught in the crossfire.  
And yet, here she was, sitting on the overly-comfortable seats of a SoroSuub 3000, basking in the luxury the Senate had to offer.  
To say she felt out of place would have been the understatement of the cycle. Y/N didn’t even dare to look at anything, fearing she would break it and accidentally find herself owing her whole life as payment.  
This had caused Finn to laugh his ass off.  
Him, Klana and Y/N were seated around a table that was probably worth ten years of standard salary, a glowing crystal blue thing the woman found ridiculous.   
Tarsen was doing Maker knew what and Y/N was happy he wasn’t sitting with them - she was still pissed at him being here in the first place. But she knew better than to discuss the General’s order.  
The said leader, Poe, was currently piloting the bulky ship. He had loudly complained about that, seemingly displeased with having to fly, quote, a big-ass shiny bucket of useless crap.  
He wasn’t wrong.  
  
Although, Y/N wasn’t going to complain. The Senate surely knew how to travel in style, and apparently, they were eager to fly the men who freed the Galaxy in the coziest ship they could find.  
The fringes dangling from the curtains made of silk probably weren’t necessary, though.  
 **“Remind me again, why am I here?“** Y/N asked, turning her head toward Finn who was busy testing the amenities, wiggling on his seat to try out their padding.  
He gave her the same dismissive shrug he had when she had first asked, and the pilot groaned loudly. She wasn’t complaining, not really. But she didn’t like the thought of finding herself in the company of Senators, most of whom she had probably gotten very close to murdering more than once under Ren’s orders. She had just starting to become used to the idea she was now part of the Resistance — hanging out with the new members of the government was a whole other level of self-acceptation she had yet to reach.  
 **“We all have a role to play,“** Klana chimed in, putting a comforting hand on her friend’s knee.  
Y/N huffed.  
 **“Even that Rancor?“**  
Finn snorted and Klana smiled. The bitterness of Y/N’s tone hadn’t gone unnoticed. Everyone knew she didn’t like Tarsen, and the feeling was mutual.  
 **“I’ll leave you to that talk, I don’t want to hear anything, in case Poe questions me about how things are going with you two when I’m drunk and can’t lie“** Finn interrupted. He stood up and turned a smiling face toward the two women.  
 **“Don’t have too much fun while I’m gone. I’ll check on Dameron.“**  
And off he went, leaving the two women to their gossip. Y/N smiled. He was truly a sweetheart.  
  
 **“Yeah, well… Tarsen is the nephew of the Senator of Duro. He is basically royalty to the Senate. He tags along whenever we’re called to Coruscant,“** Klana said once the expensive, golden door (who built doors out of gold? That was such a bad idea defense-wise) whooshed close. She popped her feet up, resting both of them on the expensive coffee table without a care in the world.  
 **“He is related to a Senator? Kriff, no wonder he is such a dickhead,“** she mumbled to herself, causing Klana to erupt into a loud laugh. Her brown eyes twinkled in amusement.  
 **“Can’t say you’re wrong. But he has his uses. He is good at smooth-talking drunk Senators. Don’t worry, he will be too busy mingling to pay attention to you or any of us for that matter.“**  
Hm. At least that was a relief. It still didn’t answer her question regarding her presence within the delegation, though, but Klana had told her already that she didn’t know when they had boarded the ship a few hours earlier.   
**“Okay. And why are you here, then? Don’t get me wrong, I’m super happy you are, but I really don’t understand the need to travel in a big group like we are…“**  
Her friend smiled and leaned back a bit, her brown curls cascading down her back as she tilted her head.  
 **“Well. I’m the negotiator. I’m fluent in fifteen languages. I’m usually with Finn. Poe speaks a few languages, but Finn doesn’t.“**  
Okay, that was super impressive. Seeing Y/N’s surprised face, Klana chuckled.  
 **“It’s a long story,“** she answered to her unspoken question. Y/N took it as an invitation not to push it. She would tell her the full story when she felt like it.  
  
The silence stretched between the two women for a moment before Klana broke it with a polite cough.  
 **“You should try to get some rest while you can. Tonight’s celebrations are going to be exhausting.“**  
Y/N frowned. Celebrations? What? What were they celebrating? Was that the reason they had been invited? She imagined Poe and Finn didn’t both travel often to the capital planet. Having both Generals leave their base at the same time wasn’t such a usual move.   
**“What do you mean?“** She asked, and Klana answered with a look of surprise.  
 **“Poe hasn’t told you? Tonight is the honor ball that celebrates the first anniversary of the Battle of Exegol.“**  
Y/N froze on the spot.  
No, Poe had conveniently left out that part of the briefing. He really hadn’t said much, actually — he had barely spoken to her at all that day, now that she was thinking about it. That was really weird. They had parted ways in very good terms after their training.  
  
Uneasiness settled in the pit of her stomach as Y/N fell silent, turning her face away from Klana and leaning on the comfy couch she had been sitting on. But she wouldn’t fall asleep, quite the contrary. Klana’s revelation had rattled her and had she been standing, her legs would have felt like jelly underneath her.  
What was she doing here? This was a commemoration for the Resistance’s sacrifices. She had no role to play. She had played enough of a role as it was as a perpetrator of the horrors which end they would be celebrating that night. She felt she was insulting the memory of everyone who had given their lives for the worthy cause of the Galaxy’s freedom.  
She tried to calm down her breathing, looking around her to ease her nerves. Klana had softened the lights, but it was still bright enough that Y/N could inspect keenly the decoration. The walls were immaculate, white and hostile. But the floor had been covered in heavy carpets and richly decorated pieces of furniture furnished the room, spots of colors contrasting against the paleness of the walls. It was quite grotesque, really, the difference between the originally sterile aura of the room and the opulence of its furniture. Someone had thought of the mix as relevant, and to some people, it might have been, but Y/N saw it as a poor attempt to give a luxurious feel to a ship that had been requisitioned by various generations of soldiers. The remnants of the war were never too far away and couldn’t be hidden, no matter how many coats of cold you used.   
It didn’t really matter. Soon enough, they would reach Coruscant and Y/N would find herself in a hostile environment.  
She was terrified. Truly terrified.  
But she also trusted Poe. And she knew he had asked for her by name. He must have had a good reason to do so, and she had to trust his vision. She couldn’t allow herself to doubt him.  
He had, after all, never given her a reason to.  
  
As expected, they landed an hour later. Finn had popped up out of nowhere, startling the two women who had dozed off. Y/N had grabbed her blaster before her eyes had even registered who was standing in front of her. Fortunately, he hadn’t seen it. Being the nice guy he was, he would have been worried to witness her tenseness and Y/N wasn’t particularly fond of answering questions about it.  
Both Klana and Y/N gathered their stuff and met Finn and Tarsen near the boarding ramp. Of course, the said pilot huffed when the two women walked in, sending Y/N a thinly-veiled glare she held without saying a word.  
 **“I’ll never understand why you’re here,“** he all but growled under his breath as Finn went to check on Poe. **“You have no business here.“**  
Y/N didn’t say anything, mainly because for once, she agreed with him. Instead, she just stared blankly, until Klana took a step forward.  
 **“Piss off. General Dameron asked for her to be here. Do we have a situation? Should I go and get him so we can discuss how you think his orders are irrelevant?“**  
Wow! Klana wasn’t usually this aggressive, but her usually gentle gaze was as hard as Beskar, glaring vibroblades at Tarsen. He just rolled his eyes right as Finn came back.  
The ship landed softly and they gathered their bags. Y/N looked up right in time to see Poe jumping down the ladder that led to the cockpit, a large smile on his face.  
 **“Look alive, guys. Welcome to Coruscant.“**  
His eyes met Y/N’s for a split second and he looked away quickly, causing the H/C to frown. What the hell was going on?!  
She opened her mouth to question him but her question was cut short by the hissing sound of the ramp opening. Sun flooded the docking bay and Y/N had to squint to counter its brightness. Several people were waiting on the other side, all of them richly dressed.  
Y/N suddenly felt very much underdressed in her simple clothes.  
  
 **“Generals. The Senate is pleased to welcome you to Coruscant. I trust your journey here was pleasant?“**  
A Togruta — a very polite one — had stepped forward. Draped in a golden cape held together by a broach representing the logo of the New Galactic Republic; a perfect mix between the Starbird of the Resistance and what Y/N recognized as the insignia of the Jedi Order before its fall.  
Poe, being the outspoken guy he was, immediately stepped forward as they disembarked from the ship. Y/N followed behind, making sure to never find herself too close to who she assumed was an officer of some sort. She didn’t want to draw attention to herself.  
But even though his men were all heavily armed, he showed no sign of weariness or even agitation. His smile was as bright as the sun of the planet.  
  
As Finn, Poe and he exchanged pleasantries, Y/N used the opportunity to look around. She had never been to Coruscant before, even though she had seen quite a lot of holograms from the most important planet of the Galaxy.  
And Coruscant was, well… truly coruscant.   
Endless skyscrapers climbed toward the sky, their metallic silhouettes blending with its blueness as they stretched upward. Countless ships were flying and buzzing around them, giving a hive-like feeling to the ever-so-busy planet. As far as her eyes could see, everything was grey, a sea of metal and glass against which the sun was reflecting. The architecture of the building was simply spectacular, and Y/N suddenly felt very, very tiny in such a big world. Due to the prize on her head, she had always shied away from the Core planets. Curiosity had always gnawed at her, though.  
Now that she was seeing what the fuss was about, she was hoping to go back to the quietness of Kuat as fast as she could.  
It was too much for her. Stunning, but overwhelming.  
  
She focused on her friends once more when she realized the subject of their discussion was now Tarsen and Klana.  
 **“Ah, yes, Senator Berno’s nephew. A pleasure, as always.“**  
Y/N silently huffed. Whoever knew Tarsen and was willing to say his presence was delightful was obviously kissing his ass.  
 **“And Miss Omaso. What a delight to have you joining us again! I do hope we can pick up our last conversation regarding Nabooian policies.“**  
Klana gave him a polite smile as an answer.  
Now, please, don’t look this way, don’t-  
His eyes fell on Y/N and he raised an inquisitive eyebrow. Y/N mirrored Klana’s expression and smiled politely as he got closer to her. He was way taller than she was and she tried to look as confident as she could.  
 **“And I do not believe we have met. I would undoubtedly remember a stunning woman like you…“**  
Y to the I to the K to the E to the S to the YIKES.  
He gently grabbed her hand and kissed its back.  
 **“We haven’t met, indeed,“** Y/N answered, and her eyes found Poe’s, who didn’t look pleased at all. He huffed but Finn elbowed him and he cleared his throat.   
**“Colonel Kwool, meet Y/N Thunderbird, my personal advisor.“**  
  
Y/N was sure her veins had just popped from her forehead.  
First — what was he thinking, giving him her _REAL NAME_?! Didn’t he realize just who she was and what she had done?  
Second — his _what_ now?!  
But Kwool didn’t seem to connect the dots and simply nodded with a charming smile on his face.  
 **“Ah, so she is as smart as she is beautiful. A rare mix, to be sure. You truly know how to chose them, General Dameron.“**  
 _Pardon the fu-_  
 **“Yes. She reminds me of your wife, Colonel, don’t you think?“**  
All eyes went to Tarsen, who had spoken with a polite tone. Had he just…  
Had he just saved her ass?  
His interruption seemed to bring the Colonel back to his senses and he smiled awkwardly.  
 **“Yes, yes indeed…“**  
They were interrupted by BB-8 who rolled down the ramp, happily beeping. He ran circles around the bipeds and Kwool welcomed the distraction, gesturing for his men to move forward and they all started walking. Y/N felt the need to trail back a little, falling next to Tarsen who sent her a side glare and huffed.  
 **“What do you want, Thunderbird?“**  
Yikes. Such a nice guy, really. Was she really about to thank him?   
Y/N grimaced and rolled her eyes.  
 **“Just… Thanks. For interrupting“**  
He gave her a humorless snort as an answer, eyes still staring forward.  
 **“I didn’t do that for you. I’m here on a mission, and I’m supposed to make sure everything goes smoothly. That won’t be the case if Kwool’s wife finds him flirting with a random girl again.“**  
  
Wow. So much for being polite.  
Y/N lowered her voice.  
 **“I was being polite, you Rancor. Would it kill you to act like a kriffing adult for a second? Maker, I swear, you remind me of Hux sometimes.“**  
He turned toward her, his face a mix of fury and outrage.  
 **“How kriffing dare you-** “ he hissed, but Y/N interrupted him with a gesture of her hand. She knew he couldn’t fight her while they were mere meters away from a very important man they were apparently trying to charm and she was going to put that fact to good use.  
 **“Listen. I want things to go smoothly too. So how about you take my gratefulness, you swallow it, and then we both stay out of each other’s way for the rest of the day, huh?“**  
He fell silent but he was still fuming. And after a moment-  
 **“Fine. Now get the hell out of my sight.“**  
Okay. She’d take it.  
She walked faster, getting closer to Poe and Finn. Now that she had done the mature thing and showed her gratitude to the asshole, she had another mission that needed to be taken care of — interrogating Poe.  
  
Unfortunately for her, the said pilot was having his ear talked off by Kwool and there was no way she could get his attention discreetly. Dammit! She would have to wait.  
Ah, it didn’t matter. Y/N was a patient woman and she would find the right moment to get him alone to question him.  
He wasn’t getting off the hook that easily.  
Kwool came to a stop when they reached a crossroad and smiled at his guests.  
 **“This is where we part way. We shall see one another tonight, but I have urgent matters I need to attend. My guards will show you to your suite. Please, let them now if you need anything.“**  
He politely saluted the Generals and went on his merry way, his gold cape trailing behind him. Ha! This was her chance. Y/N made a beeline between the guards, reaching Poe’s level.  
 **“General Dameron, I-“**  
 **“Not now, Y/N.“**  
What was WRONG with him?! Y/N bit the inside of her cheek, stopping herself from sassing him in a very unprofessional manner in front of the rest of the delegation, but she made sure he could feel her glaring a hole into the side of his head. What was going on?! BeeBee beeped apologetically by her side, his little head tilted toward her, and Y/N smiled at him. The poor thing was just as confused as she was.  
  
Frustration and confusion bubbled up her chest as they continued walking and she barely paid attention to her surroundings and the gigantic hallways they were walking in. Everything was tinted in a golden hue and opulence was the only word she could think of that would come close to expressing just how rich this place looked. She definitely didn’t belong here.  
They finally reached heavy-looking doors, and the guards talked briefly with Finn before walking off. At this point, Y/N was so frustrated she was almost hitting the ground with her foot. She must have radiated annoyance because Klana suddenly looked at her and frowned. When she realized who her friend was glaring at, she unceremoniously pushed forward both Finn and Tarsen, who sent her a curious look that quickly turned into understanding. The little ball rolled inside as well.  
Poe stepped forward to follow them but Y/N quickly jumped into action, grabbing his arm to stop him from going further.  
 **“General. A word.“**  
She heard him curse under his breath, and had the situation been different, she would have laughed at that.  
 **“Yes. Of course.“**  
  
They walked away from the doors, standing alone in the deserted hallway. It was eerily quiet, save from the distant sounds of voices coming from a mother part of the building.  
That’s when she noticed.  
Poe looked very much ill at ease.  
That wasn’t normal for him. He was never rattled by anything.  
And he wouldn’t even look at her.  
Y/N huffed.  
 **“General, I don’t understand what’s going on. I had to ask Klana what the kriff we are doing here. And although I really enjoy talking to her and she did a great job explaining the reason for our visit, I don’t think you have ever not briefed me yourself. What am I doing here?“**  
He finally looked up and bit his lip.  
Okay, now, he was worrying her.  
 **“Promise you won’t be pissed?“**  
She was already pissed! Y/N let out an annoyed huff.  
 **“Fine! Just… please. Why me, and not Skylen or Mala or… Anyone else? I’m not your advisor. I’m a pilot.“**  
He winced.  
 **“Not my proudest moment,“** he mumbled under his breath and Y/N rolled her eyes but remained silent.   
**“Skylen isn’t here because he hates the Senators,“** he finally answered after a moment of hesitation. **“And he wouldn’t even listen to me when I tried to talk him into coming with us. You’re the only one who doesn’t know just how boring these things are. So I knew you wouldn’t say no, and I needed someone with us tonight.“**  
  
Y/N stared in disbelief, mouth open, both of her eyebrows raised. She was pretty sure her face was pure shock, and Poe was intently watching her reaction, his hazel eyes studying her face with great attention.  
 **“You kriffing TRICKED ME!“** She finally hissed, louder than she had intended to. Poe rolled his eyes and groaned.  
 **“I- well- you see-“**  
He stopped mid-sentence, searching his words, before letting out a sigh and awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.  
 **“Yeah, okay, I tricked you. Too late to run away now, we’re here, you’re stuck with me, because I’m the only one who knows the code to the garage where we left our ship,“** he quickly added.  
She fell silent, staring at him in disbelief. A group of guards walked past them and she barely noticed them, too busy staring at Poe. His usually confident demeanor had been replaced by one of uncertainty.  
 **“I-“**  
 **“But- I had a good reason. Kriff, I hate these events, too. I would rather be home with my men, sharing drinks and stories about the people we lost. Instead, I’m stuck here, forced to talk with those idiots who left us alone when we needed help. And I just can’t-“**  
 **“Poe-“**  
 **“I can’t do it alone. I mean, I’m not alone,“** he quickly added, shaking his head. **“I have Finn and Klana, I’m not counting Tarsen because he is an ass, but they’re always busy and I have to talk to stupid Senators and I kriffing want to pull my hair out-“**  
 **“General-“**  
 **“And I know it’s not cool of me to drag you into this mess, but you’re good company, and if I have to spend an entire evening talking with old dudes in costumes, I’d rather do it with someone I like talking to by my side-“**  
 **“Oh, Force, just SHUT UP!“** She screamed, exasperated.  
  
Although it wasn’t super polite, it worked. Poe fell silent, both eyebrows furrowed. Y/N rolled her eyes and leaned against a column, arms crossed against her chest and a look of disbelief on her face.  
 **“With all due respect, Poe, you’re an idiot.“**  
He looked offended for a second and then seemed to think about it and shrugged.  
 **“Yeah, okay. Can’t argue with that. But I had to, or you would have said no.“**  
 **“Yes, and then you would have told me why you wanted me here and I would have said yes. Instead, you kept me in the dark and didn’t even let me prepare for what’s coming tonight,“** Y/N indignantly interrupted.  
They looked at each other for a moment, hazel eyes against E/C orbs.  
He had beautiful eyes.  
Wait- That wasn’t the subject!  
And then, Poe let out a chuckle.  
 **“I’m an idiot.“**  
 **“Yes, yes you are,“** Y/N instantly answered, and both of them burst out laughing. Their laughter echoed around the empty hallway for a few moments before it died down, and Poe bit his lip. He looked at her for a few seconds before breaking into a soft smile.  
 **“I’m sorry. I really didn’t want to spend tonight alone. Or with Tarsen. I should have just told you the truth.“**  
Hey, at least, he had realized he was in the wrong. Y/N couldn’t stay mad at him, not when he had good intentions. And if she was being honest, she was also very flattered that he wanted her by his side that night.  
Her.   
Not only had he accepted her into his team, he actually enjoyed her company.  
That was… Unexpected. And nice.  
No, scratch that. It was heartwarming to feel appreciated.  
  
 **“No, it’s my fault. Maybe you felt like you couldn’t trust me with-“**  
 **“Oh hell no.“**  
Y/N blinked, only to find Poe frowning at her.  
 **“You’re not blaming yourself. Actually, you know what? Don’t ever blame yourself ever again for something you have no control over. I know you’re used to taking the blame for literally everything, but that’s not how we do things here. So don’t. I was the idiot. I’m the one who needs to apologize. And that’s an order.“**  
She closed her mouth as he stared, making sure she wouldn’t try and argue with him.  
He was right, though. It wasn’t her fault. And she shouldn’t apologize, but it was stronger than her. That urge to take the blame. It was now ingrained in her very soul. Always blame yourself, never blame your officer. They’re never at fault.  
Y/N let out a shaky breath. She had to remind herself that accepting that wouldn’t get her to be hurt. That Poe looked so genuinely sorry he wouldn’t suddenly turn on her and reveal it was all a test.  
 _He isn’t Kylo Ren. He isn’t Kylo Ren. This is not the First Order anymore. This isn’t the First Order anymore._  
The H/C nodded and he patted her shoulder with a smile.  
 **“Okay. Now come on, Keebler. We need to get ready. Trust me, we will need the extra time.“**  
As they walked back to the door, Y/N huffed, the faintest of smiles tugging at her lips.  
 **“You’re not dropping that nickname, are you?“**  
 **“Nope.“**  
  
Y/N had been so sure Poe was simply exaggerating when he said they needed hours to get ready for the gala.  
After all, who kriffing needed so much time to put on a dress and brush their hair, huh?  
Well, she had been glaringly wrong.  
She was now three hours into hair and makeup and was ready to jump through the window.  
Klana was ever so patient, buzzing around her like a busy bee. She was, as Y/N had discovered, quite talented when it came to prepping for luxurious receptions.  
Yet another mystery to add to the ever-growing list she was making about her friend. Klana hadn’t piped up on the matter yet, and Y/N wasn’t going to push her — she felt there was much more to the story than what met the eye and she was one of, if not the most, well-equipped person around here to understand how hard it could be to share secrets.  
  
Instead, she had eased her mind by watching her work. She pulled, brushed, combed through her hair with impressive accuracy, her fingers fluttering around the strands of H/C hair, pinning them in place while she hummed softly. Y/N wasn’t used to this amount of pampering. Usually, she wore her trusty leather jacket with her hair high up in a ponytail or tied in a low bun when she was flying. She hadn’t put on makeup in… Years. In fact, the only time she recalled using the products had been during a similar gala, the only one she had attended with Hux. Ren had sent her to a negotiation with the General and she had had to stand stiffly by his side for the whole night.  
In heels.  
And Hux was a tool. At least, this time around, the company would be much more interesting.   
  
She probably had zoned out at some point, because the gentle hand of her friend suddenly tapped on her shoulder.  
 **“Hey! I’m done! Ready to see my masterpiece?“**  
Y/N giggled at her enthusiasm. She wouldn’t call herself a masterpiece, in under any circumstances; but Klana looked so genuinely pleased with her work that she didn’t have the heart to say anything. Instead, she grabbed the handle of the mirror she was presented with and raised it in front of her face, smiling at Klana’s expectant gaze.  
 **“Wow.“**  
Wow, indeed. She had done a remarkable job. Her face was immaculate, makeup perfectly applied and all the little scars she was used to were gone from her skin. She had plucked her eyebrows, given her hair a slight trim, put red lipstick on her lips and geometrical-like golden eyeshadow that spreader above her eyes like two little wings.  
She had never looked more regal in her life, that was for sure.  
 **“I… know you said you are technically from Tatooine. So I tried to give you desert vibes. To remind you of home. Because I know you’re in this foreign place and you don’t like it.“**  
She was toying with her fingers out of sheer nervousness as Y/N just stared at her in awe, the stunning makeup on her eyes now the last thing on her mind.  
What had she done to deserve such an amazing friend? She was so genuinely thoughtful and caring, it was astonishing.  
 **“Klana, I don’t even know what to say… This is… Thank you.“**  
  
Y/N wasn’t a sentimental person by any means, she had never had the luxury of being able to share her emotions. But at this moment, she wanted to cry. It was such a simple gesture, one that meant so much — not only had she listened to and remembered her story, she was going out of her way to make her feel comfortable.  
But the curly-haired woman, as usual, brushed off her thankfulness with a soft smile.  
 **“No need to thank me. I won’t be the one trapped to Poe’s side for the whole evening. He always attracts the weirdest people… You need to look your best to face them, trust me.“**  
Yikes! So it was a honey trap of some sort, huh?   
She must have been pulling quite a face because Klana laughed out loud. And gently hit her shoulder.  
 **“Now, get out of here, your dress is on the bed in the room.“**  
 **“Do you… Need help getting ready? We don’t have much time left…“** Y/N asked tentatively. She wasn’t really great at making, but she knew how to follow orders and, truth be told, she was feeling bad about how much time Klana had spent on her and how little time she had left to take care of herself. But she waved her off.  
 **“Don’t take it the wrong way, Y/N, but getting you ready was much more work than what it takes to get me into gala mode.“**  
The H/C winced but smiled nonetheless. Yes. She was right. It was quite obvious she was used to taking care of herself, more than Y/N was. She was a beautiful woman who took care of her appearance to some extent. Her hair was healthy-looking, she didn’t have blemishes of any sort and her eyebrows were always trimmed. Her eyes were framed by long, luscious black eyelashes. She was already stunning and would only need a small touch of makeup to be ready.  
Y/N might have been slightly jealous of that.  
 **“Now get out! Get ready! I’ll join you soon enough.“**  
  
With a laugh, Y/N obeyed and left Klana to her brushes and various beauty tools, closing the door of the expensive room behind her. The whole suite was bigger than the control room back on Kuat, richly decorated. The bed looked very comfy, however, which was worth it. Y/N had never slept on such a fluffy mattress. It was a nice change, even though her accommodations back home weren’t exactly too shabby either.  
This time, though, she wasn’t interested in the quilted comforter or the silky sheets. No, her attention had been called elsewhere; namely, on a red dress lying on the bed.  
Y/N gulped her uneasiness away, or at least, she tried to. It was… So different than what she usually wore. Even though she was still dressed in a bathing robe and hadn’t even put it on yet, she felt self-conscious only looking at it.  
Okay. She could do it. It was easy, zip it open, slides it up, zip it back up.  
Don’t trip on the way out.  
With a heavy sigh, she discarded her silky robe and grabbed the dress. Its material felt heavy in her hands, way heavier, in fact, that her usual flying suit, even though it was weighted when she had her full uniform on.  
Ah, what was the saying again? Beauty is pain? It sure felt like it.  
  
It took her a solid five minutes to put on the outfit, and kriff, it felt like a cage. It was a full-length dress that clung to her body like a coiled snake, going from her toes and all the way up her throat. The high collar fit snugly around her neck and the whole bust was one piece, leaving nothing but her arms bare, stopping straight at her shoulders. The sleeveless, bodycon gown was made of slight see-through lace, and Y/N would have felt almost naked in it hadn’t it been for the detachable train made of silk and wrapped around her hips, making them stand out even more. It made it feel puffy from the waist down, which contrasted starkly with the snug fit of the upper body piece.  
It was stunning, truly, but it was also very red and very… Not her. Red was a color made to be worn by confident people, and she didn’t exactly fit the bill. Sure, it wasn’t a revealing dress; all things considered, it was pretty modest, there was no deep plunging neckline, no strapless back, no high-slit on her thigh; but it was both incredibly tight and uncomfortably flowy, a weird mix made possible by the two separate pieces.  
Y/N looked at her reflection in the full-length mirror in front of her. With her heels now strapped to her feet, she was ready to go out, but she didn’t feel like it. In fact, she wanted nothing more but to curl up in bed and stare at the bustling planet through her huge bay window. But she was there on a mission, and Poe was expecting her to show up.  
At this moment, she strongly hated him.  
With one last sigh and a nervous fidget of her fingers, Y/N opened the door and walked out, ready to find Klana.  
  
She wanted to see her before she saw everyone else, but her friend was nowhere to be seen. The pilot looked around the small living room they were sharing, and there was no sign of the curly-haired woman. Great.  
As she listened closely, she could hear voices coming out of the main room, behind the two heavy doors that had been left slightly ajar. Poe’s laugh was heard and she understood they were probably waiting for her. Maker, she was screwed. She wouldn’t make it through the door without face-planting on the ground out of sheer nervosity.  
At least that would make some Senators laugh.  
Y/N then noticed some jewelry had been laid down for her on the coffee table, and she took her time clasping the gold armbands around both of her arms. Where had they found a dress that fitted her and jewelry to match?!  
Ah, yes. They had taken her measurements when she had first arrived on Kuat. Had she known it would be used like this, she would have run away.  
Too late for that now.  
  
Since she had no more opportunities to stall, she knew she had to face the music. Her stomach was in a knot and her heart felt like it was in her throat. She walked toward the doors, stopping with her hand extended, hovering about the old-fashioned handle. No, she could do it. She had survived Kylo Ren, she could survive an evening with Poe Dameron.  
She could hear him loud and clear, now.  
 **“… I hope they’ll have champagne. That’s the only thing that will make this damn party bearable.“**  
Klana’s laugh answered him.   
**“Hey, you’ll be in good company, for once. I don’t think Y/N will be drunk as hell before the party ends like Skylen was last time.“**  
 **“Kriff. Don’t remind me. I had to lie to Senator Gladius and tell him he was having an allergic reaction.“**  
They burst out laughing and Y/N found herself smiling. Things weren’t so bad, after all. They were still the same people, albeit in much more formal clothes.  
 **“I wonder if she’s-“**  
Klana’s sentence was cut short when Y/N pusher the doors open and stepped out of the room, an uncertain look on her face. She looked at her friend expectingly, eyebrows raised in anticipation.  
 **“Hey. I did what I-“**  
 **“MAKER, Y/N, YOU ARE GORGEOUS!“**  
She let out an uncharacteristic squeal and her face lit up. Y/N laughed incredulously. What on Kuat was happening? She had never seen Klana so happy before.  
She must have really liked dressing people up.  
  
 **“Oh, I just knew you’d look great in that dress. I picked it up myself. Finn wanted you to go for black, I told him it wouldn’t do. You can’t be Poe’s date wearing black, come on.“**  
She continued babbling as Y/N looked her up and down. She was wearing a stunning royal blue gown, with cape-like sleeves the went all the way down to the floor, with a modest v-shaped neckline. It hugged her body, too, and seeing that made Y/N feel slightly less self-conscious. Maybe she wouldn’t stand out too much, and that was a relief.  
 **“You look beautiful too, Klan.“**  
She brushed her comment off with a snap of her wrist and ’tsked’ loudly.  
 **“Oh, hush. Give me a twirl, woman.“**  
Y/N laughed again and did as she was told. She wouldn’t dare to upset her personal stylist. The train swooshed around her but her hairdo didn’t budge, and Klana smiled fondly.  
 **“Oh, I’m so proud of myself. You look truly perfect. Don’t you agree, General?“**  
Poe had been uncharacteristically quiet until that point, and Y/N finally mustered enough courage to look at him.  
  
And his face was priceless.  
He was staring, seemingly very surprised, both eyebrows raised. Klana elbowed him and it seemed to do the trick.  
 **“Yes, you look… Really nice. I mean, not nice. You look good. Very senatorial. It looks really nice on you.“**  
Y/N chuckled and he bit his lip like he usually did. It was obvious he wasn’t expecting to see her dressed like that, which wasn’t exactly a surprise, considering he had only seen her in the shapeless jumpsuit and her usual leather jacket until that point.  
Klana huffed.  
 **“Wow, aren’t you a smooth talker, huh? Nice? That’s it? Come on, Poe, you can do better than that. Where’s that silver tongue of yours?“**  
Y/N turned as red as her dress as Poe mumbled something incoherent. As he glared at Klana who was obviously having the time of her life teasing him, Y/N took the opportunity to look at his outfit.  
And it was her turn to be speechless.  
Poe Dameron was a handsome man, there was no doubt about that. And he pulled off the pilot look like nobody else could, but he truly looked stunning in his military uniform. He was wearing a tight-fitted wooden jacket, one she had seen so many times on officers. Except his was gunmetal grey and a small, horizontal bar made of several colored squares adorned his left breast. His pants were matching and tucked inside the boots he was still wearing, even though this pair was in much better shape than his usual one. But the most interesting piece was the cape, draped over his shoulder and blood red, perfectly matching her dress.  
Undoubtedly Klana’s work.  
It was held together by a gold brooch, a Starbird standing proudly on his right side.  
Maker, he was absolutely-  
 **“Alright, I’ll leave you two for a bit, I need to go and see Finn. See ya at the gala!“**  
  
And before Y/N could even make a noise of complaint, she had bolted out of the door in a fit of low giggles, running uncharacteristically fast in her high heels.  
Both the pilot and the General shared a look of disbelief before they burst out laughing.  
 **“What the hell just happened?“** He asked, and Y/N shook her head wordlessly.  
 **“You’ve known her longer than I have. You tell me.“**  
They laughed some more before Poe’s amused smile turned into a smirk, and his usual confidence came back.  
 **“She’s right, though. You do look beautiful. And look, we’re matching.“**  
Y/N humored him with a giggle, blatantly ignoring the fact that it had been the second time in two days that he had complimented her appearance. Truth be told, it made her nervous. He was a notorious flirt.  
But he didn’t seem to have turned on the charm for once. He was just being candid, and that was perhaps worse. She knew how to handle flirty men. But genuine Poe? Heck, she wanted to run for the hills.  
But since she would break an ankle if she did (and there were no hills on Coruscant anyway), she opted for a diversion instead.  
 **“You clean up nice, General.”**  
  
He snorted and looked down at his outfit.  
 **“This old thing? I had to have it made specifically for stupid parties like this one. I don’t like it. I’ve always hated schmoozing. Leia was way better at this than I’ll ever be,“** he concluded under his breath.  
Leia… Princess Leia, General Organa. Even though Y/N had made it her mission to stay the kriff away from the war once she had deserted, she still knew that name. She had had the bad idea of mentioning it once in front of Ren and he had almost given himself a serious case of whiplash when he had turned his head in a snap, glaring vibroblades at her through his helmet. Y/N knew she had been his mother. And although they had never met, she knew who she was, what she had done. The whole Galaxy did.  
  
A fond smile was on Poe’s lips as he spoke of her. It was quite obvious that he had cared for her very much. Y/N gently spoke up.  
 **“She seemed like a remarkable woman,“** she tentatively said, and it seemed to break Poe out of his daze. His hazel eyes met hers and he nodded thoughtfully.  
 **“She really was. You would have loved her.“** And then, after a brief pause, as if he had been thinking about it some more, **“I’m sure she would have loved you, too.“**  
Of all the things he had said to her, this one hit her like a Bantha at full speed.  
Y/N wasn’t an idiot, she knew Leia and Poe had been close and she didn’t need anyone to tell her that. It was obvious in his eyes when he spoke of her. As if he had just realized what he had said, Poe cleared his throat and added:  
 **“You’re feisty like she was. I’m not sure anyone told me to shut up a week after they arrived before.“**  
She chuckled as he took a step closer and extended his arm for her to take, swiftly changing the subject. It was the second time in two days that he had done that, too.  
He was very good at it.  
  
 **“Milady, shall we?“**  
Y/N pouted and looked at his arm, and then at him.  
 **“Do we really have to?“**  
He winced.  
 **“Don’t tempt me.“**  
Oh, she really wanted to. But he had duties he needed to tend to, and she wasn’t wearing a ten kilograms dress for fun. With an exaggerated sigh that elicited a laugh from him, she linked her arm with his. Even through the wooly material of his jacket, she could feel his muscles tensing, and she shuddered. It was weird, being so close to him. Sure, they had done it the day before, but the circumstances had been very different.  
 **“Come on. You’ve got this. We will be fine.“**  
She gave him a side glance, only to find him staring at the door through which a giggly Klana had disappeared a few minutes ago. Y/N chuckled.  
 **“Who are you trying to convince, General? Me, or yourself?“**  
He groaned and gently pulled her forward, muttering under his breath.  
 **“Feisty, I said. I was damn right.“**  
Y/N’s laughter echoed down the hall as they started walking toward the ballroom.  
She felt slightly less nervous with Poe by her side.  
  
——————————————————————————  
  
It was not exactly remarkable for the Senate to host social gatherings in luxurious venues. It was, after all, made of various wealthy individuals gathered to discuss several political points. These people, most of them at least, were used to the finest delicacies the world had to offer. Hence why it was not so surprising to find yourself in a fancy room should you be invited to attend.  
But this exceeded Y/N’s craziest expectations.  
The reception lobby was located in the same building as their suite, undoubtedly on Poe’s request and for strategical reasons. As they got closer to the point of rendezvous, the music grew louder, joyous conversations became gradually more distinct, and anxiety grew bigger in Y/N’s stomach. She had sent Poe an apprehensive look, to which he had answered by squeezing softly her wrist as they found Finn, Klana, Tarsen, and BB-8, stationed in a private lobby on the other side of which two high doors separated them from the main room.  
 **“Y/N! You look really good!“** Finn had exclaimed, and Klana had nodded enthusiastically. Tarsen had merely rolled his eyes. He was dressed to impress in a black suit, but he was no match for Finn’s elegance in his royal blue ensemble, perfectly identical to Poe’s military uniform, though different in color. He, too, matched his date’s outfit, which was a very amusing touch underlining their unity that night.   
They would need to be to make it through the political summit that would play out.  
  
 **“We’re not late, are we?“** Poe had asked, and Finn had shaken his head.  
 **“Chancellor Gladius will announce the both of you as guests of honor in about…. Now,“** Tarsen interrupted, glancing at his commlink. **“I’ll go inside with the droid and save you some appetizers.“**  
A snort from Finn had been the only answer he had received and, with one last nod, Tarsen had disappeared, a queasy BB-8 trailing behind them.  
Poe had watched his droid disappearing with visible distress. His agitation was palpable, and it had been Y/N’s turn to gently squeeze his arm.  
 **“Hey. You’ve got this, Poe.“**  
They had only had the time to exchange a glance before a booming voice had echoed from the other side of the doors.  
 **“And now, to honor the fallen and remember the historical victory that was earned a year ago, please welcome the leaders of the Alliance, the men who led the charge on Exegol and freed the Galaxy from the tyranny of the First Order. General Finn and General Poe Dameron!“**  
The doors had opened.   
Showtime.  
  
And now, they were stepping out of the small but luxurious lobby into a humongous and even more richly decorated ballroom.  
It looked like it had been sculpted inside a gold bar. The flood was made of intricate designs carved in a golden surface, and the shining material went up to the high ceiling, coiling around high columns like a rich, lazy snake. The room was circular, with a dome-like crystal ceiling that towered over the guests. The columns spread out into arches at the ends. Everything was round, smooth, immaculate. It made Y/N feel dizzy.  
But the worst thing about the scene they had walked into was the roaring thunder of applause.   
It was a standing ovation, without the shadow of a doubt. Richly-dressed people clapped, cheered, clinked their glasses with fervor. Poe and Finn exchanged a glance. They, too, felt out of place in such an environment. They were welcomed like kings when none of them had ever wanted to be anything else than soldiers.  
  
Y/N suddenly felt very underdressed. Of course, the two men were everyone’s subject of interest, but she felt unworthy of walking by Poe’s side like she was.   
She had to, though. He had requested her presence and from how tense he felt under her fingertips, he needed emotional support.  
As the Chancellor spoke up again and they slowly made their way to the center of the room, Y/N leaned toward Poe very slightly and whispered:  
 **“Don’t be impressed. I bet half of them at least wouldn’t know what a hyperdrive is if it bit them in the ass.“**  
He snorted under his breath and bit his lower lip, taking a second to compose himself before he whispered back:  
 **“Dammit. Don’t make me laugh right now.“**  
But his tone was playful and his muscles relaxed under Y/N’s vigilant hold. She smiled, the first sincere smile she had worn since they had entered the room.  
Yes. They needed each other, right now.  
  
It didn’t take long for both Generals to be separated as people rushed forward to talk their ears off. Senators, rich guests all came to congratulate, thank, or smooth talk Poe, who graciously answered all of their questions without missing a beat. It was obvious he had grown used to rubbing shoulders with the rich, undoubtedly taking a leaf from Leia’s book.   
He wasn’t infallible, however, and more often than not, he would be a loss for words or too close to blurting out a politically offensive joke.  
They were talking to the Senator of Chandrila when Poe just froze after a particularly insensitive question from his husband.  
 **“It must be difficult, coming back here after losing so many of your men last year… How are you dealing with that?“**  
Poe’s mind had gone back to that day in a flash, it was obvious to anyone who had fought and lived to tell the tale. His smile faltered from his face and Y/N jumped on the opportunity.  
 **“Both General Dameron and General Finn have worked remarkably hard to replenish the ranks of the Alliance and to honor the memory of those who lost their lives to the war. The Galaxy will never forget the sacrifices that were made by the Resistance, and we won’t, either.“**  
  
She didn’t see it, but she felt Poe’s gaze on the side of her face as she smiled at the couple, who looked rather pleased with her answer.  
 **“Ah, but of course! I do not think we have been properly introduced, Miss…?“**  
 **“Thunderbird. Y/N Thunderbird. My advisor. A real lifesaver, she is.“**  
Y/N shot him an amused look as he mouthed a discreet ‘thank you’, taking advantage of the Senators being distracted to take a second to compose himself. She was glad to be of use; to provide a distraction when he needed it the most.   
From then on, things clicked into place. Y/N no longer felt like she was an accessory — she hadn’t minded, truly, she didn’t require any attention — but rather like she was Poe’s teammate. They weren’t fighting a war, but it sure felt like a battlefield anyway. Seemingly innocuous questions, blatantly ignorant inquiries, and the need to put on a perfectly polite front at all times.  
 **“I’d rather be fighting the Last Order again, right now,“** Poe whispered between two annoying discussions, right before he stuffed his face with a mouthful of appetizers Tarsen had politely brought them earlier. The said pilot was now talking with the Chancellor and looked way more at ease than Finn and Klana on the other side of the room. The pair was just as annoyed by curious guests as Poe and Y/N had been.  
 **“Kriff, I’m parched,“** Y/N mumbled. They were surrounded by food and hadn’t dived in before, only snacking on the toasts they could grab as they made their rounds.  
 **“Honestly, I would fight a Bantha with my bare hands for some champagne right now,“** he whispered back, cursing as he saw another Senator coming their way. Y/N laughed under her breath.  
 **“I’ll grab us some. You handle that Togruta and I’ll deal with the resupplying.“**  
He sent her a panicked look, his hazel eyes going from the Togruta to her.  
 **“What do I say? Should I speak first? Should I let him speak first?“**  
Y/N laughed as she untangled her arm from his.  
 **“You’ll figure it out. You’ve been trained by Leia, haven’t you?“**  
He let out an audible grunt that startled a server who was passing by with a trail of mini quiches.  
 **“Wherever she is right now, I bet she is laughing her ass off watching me right now. Hurry up, I need my partner for that. Senator Clover! It’s a pleasure to see you!“** He said out loud, addressing the new guest he had to entertain, and Y/N took it as her cue to leave.  
  
She made her way through the room as elegantly as her puffy dress let her. Klana had good tastes. She had gotten countless compliments and although she still didn’t feel like herself, it had boosted her confidence.  
Y/N was finally getting closer to the grand prize, the bar, when she heard her name called and turned around to see Finn and Klana making their way toward her. She smiled brightly at her friends.  
 **“Guys! You’ve survived!“**  
 **“Barely,“** Finn grunted, sending Klana into a fit of giggles that was uncharacteristically loud for her. She must have had quite a bit to drink already. “If I have to explain one more time how I heroically blew up the transmission tower, Maker helps me, I will punch someone.“  
They burst out laughing and loud beeps echoed from behind Finn. He stepped aside and a confused BB-8 rolled forward. Y/N smiled at the little droid.  
 **“I know, baby. It’s no fun for us either. Don’t worry, we will be out of here in no time.“**  
BeeBee answered that he had gotten a lot of attention from the Senators, and the little ball was obviously feeling exactly like Poe was; out of place. Finn laughed.  
 **“Hey, they like you because you’re cute. You don’t have it too bad, buddy.“**  
  
As he engaged in a talk with the droid, Klana leaned forward conspiringly. In addition to her usual vanilla perfume, Y/N could smell champagne on her breath.  
 **“Sooooo,“** she said, dragging the syllable. **“I’ve watched you and Poe for a while. You two seem to be hitting it off pretty well, huh? Is there anything I need to know?“**  
Oh, come on! When it wasn’t Skylen that was pestering her, it was Klana! But she was right to some extent; they got along magnificently well. Poe had called her his partner, and it was the right word. They were working together remarkably efficiently. It was a strange thing, to get along so well with someone she had met only less than a month before, whether it was on a professional or a more personal level. But then again, it was true for everyone in her squad, too, so Klana was really grasping at straws by insinuating Poe was so different…  
Fortunately for Y/N, her tipsy friend didn’t get the opportunity to tease her some more because Finn — bless his soul — interrupted.  
 **“I don’t wanna be rude, but Klana and I were actually headed for the appetizer buffet. And I saw you walking toward the bar, so we will leave you to it. Please tell Dameron that if I had known I would have to do things like that, I would have said no when he offered me the job.“**  
Y/N laughed and they parted ways. She was on a mission, after all.  
  
She finally reached the bar and grabbed herself some much-needed (and well-deserved) champagne. She drank the whole glass in record time and grabbed a second one for Poe-  
Right before it was snatched away from her hand. Y/N squealed in surprise and spun on her heels, ready to destroy whoever had deemed that gesture acceptable. She was pissed. What the kriff where they-  
But her furious comment died in her throat as she was met with Poe’s smiling face. He smirked, raised the glass in a mocking gesture and downed the whole thing in one go, eliciting a stunned look from Y/N.  
 **“What the-“**  
 **“Thanks for the drink, Keebler. But we need to get moving. Kwool has been looking for us. And unless you want to deal with him drunkenly flirting with you, I suggest we get the hell out of here.“**  
Uh-oh.  
Y/N visibly winced as Poe gently led her away from the bar and further into the ballroom, dodging guests with his piloting accuracy he apparently hadn’t lost even with his two feet on the ground.  
But then again, he wasn’t the one wearing heels.  
  
His hand was resting against her lower back and she was suddenly glad to be wearing a dress that didn’t leave her back naked, because she was still adjusting to the feeling of someone’s skin against her, especially in such a gentle way.  
 **“Poe, where are we going?“** She asked in confusion. They weren’t going for the doors. Instead, they were walking toward the…  
 **“Dancefloor. I owe you a dance. That’s what I said to everyone when I went looking for you.“**  
Y/N gave him a snort of disbelief as the music conveniently changed to a less upbeat rhythm. Couples formed on the shining floor, hands joining and hips getting brought closer.   
**“If you wanted to dance with me, you just needed to ask, Poe,“** she said jokingly. He answered with an unimpressed look and a huff.  
 **“Sweetheart, I don’t need that kind of stuff to invite someone to dance, trust me.“**  
This time, Y/N laughed as Poe spun her around to face him and gently placed his hands on her back and in her own hand.  
Wow. They had suddenly gotten a whole lot closer.   
  
So close, in fact, that she could see the gold flecks in his irises and the very five lines at the corner of his eyes.  
Blame it on the alcohol, but she was suddenly a loss for words.  
They swung for a few moments before Y/N frowned.  
 **“You don’t know how to dance, do you?“**  
Poe laughed warmly.  
 **“No, why do you think I don’t actually need tricks to invite a woman to dance? I don’t dance. At least not like that. I’ve learned some moves, but that wasn’t in my General handbook.“**  
Y/N rolled her eyes, because she was pretty sure someone had taught him but he hadn’t paid attention, and gently pressed her hand into his.  
 **“I will lead and show you. It’s a Nabooian waltz. Super simple steps. Just watch me.“**  
  
They swung for a while, Poe quickly catching up on her rhythm until he was confident enough to lead on his own. They waltzed across the dance floor and Y/N smiled proudly.  
 **“See? You’re a natural! You can’t cook, but at least you can dance, now.“**  
He looked very surprised to hear she actually remembered what he had told her about his cooking skills. He really shouldn’t have been; Y/N always paid attention, especially when she liked talking to someone.  
But his surprise quickly morphed into a smirk and that was the only warning he gave her before he rudely interrupted her teasing by dipping her backward, securing her with a hand down her back and bringing her back up effortlessly.  
Y/N yelped in surprise as she fell backward and the air was knocked out of her lungs. She suddenly saw the room spinning, heard people clap, and before she could fully register, she was back on two feet with her head facing the right way, glancing in the eyes of a laughing Poe.  
She hit his arm.  
 **“You tricked me again! I could have broken my neck, you Rancor!“**  
He burst out laughing and he looked so genuinely amused that Y/N felt her annoyance melting away. His eyes were bright and shining.  
 **“I thought a pilot like you who’s used to enduring G-force could handle a dip. I would never let you fall.“**  
She rolled her eyes and his laughter doubled as they remained their dance, the song far from over.   
**“You done?“** She asked, trying to sound annoyed but failing miserably. **“I’m starting to regret trusting you, General.“**  
He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye, clearly still amused, and answered more seriously:   
**“If I hadn’t tricked you, you wouldn’t be here.“**  
  
He fell silent for a second, his smile fading slowly. His expression grew more serious, although it wasn’t in a concerned way.  
 **“And I wouldn’t have survived that night. So, thank you. For helping me out. Tonight is… It’s difficult. But it’s nice to have a friendly face by my side.“**  
Y/N stared into his eyes for what felt like ages. He was being honest, there was no doubt about that. The music faded out in the background.  
Poe was friendly with everyone, but it seemed like they had developed a genuine friendship in record time if Skylen and Klana’s reaction was any indicator. It was so strange if you thought about it; their backgrounds were so different. He had always served the light side, Y/N had served the dark side. And yet, here they were.  
 **“I’m glad to be here. But you owe me, Poe. Preferably a nice bottle of something.“**  
He laughed and smirked.  
 **“I have something better. Access to the private baths of the Chancellor.“**  
Y/N gasped playfully.  
 **“No! You don’t!“**  
 **“Oh, I do. I’m not supposed to, but who cares? It’s a funny story, actually. I stole the key pass from a guard last time I was here…“**  
  
They continued to dance as Poe humored her with various stories of his senatorial visits. From the shenanigans he and Finn had been up to, to the prank they pulled on Kwool and which involved a droid, and, of course…  
 **“That’s how Skylen got himself banned from the cantina we were in. And he was so drunk that night we had to fake a medical intervention to save his reputation with the Senators. He called them, and I quote, a bunch of dicks dressed in fancy bathing robes.“**  
Y/N burst out laughing, tears prickling her eyes as she barely contained her hilarity. Poe’s chest was rumbling against hers as he tried to laugh quietly. He was biting his lip very hard but he still snorted.  
 **“Kriff. I can see his face and-“**  
 **“No. Shut up!“** Y/N squealed as she stifled another laugh. The music was quietly dying down and soon enough, everyone would hear them laughing. And Y/N was way too tipsy already to cook up something.  
The song came to an end and they stepped away from each other, still laughing. Y/N found herself missing Poe’s hand on her back. He was the first person, along with Klana, whose physical contact didn’t make her recoil in fear.  
She didn’t really know what to think about that.  
  
Fortunately — or not — her introspection was cut short by something coughing politely and both her and Poe suddenly became serious again, turning toward whoever had interrupted.  
It was a man, in his seventies, undoubtedly. He had a kind face, bright blue eyes and his white hair was combed back. The costume he was wearing was different from the ones Y/N had seen on others in the room; much simpler, and a tiny broach was pinned on his breast. One she had seen countless times during her visits to the medical ward: the medics’ sigil.  
 **“I must apologize, I didn’t mean to intrude,“** he said politely, but his voice could barely contain his excitement. **“My name is Gale Xalun. I am the Senator of Forsen. I am very happy to meet you.“**  
Poe introduced them both but, curiously enough, the eyes of the old man weren’t focusing on the General.  
No, he was looking at her. Which earned him a surprised look from both pilots.  
 **“I’m sorry. I won’t bother you for too long, but… Was your mother’s name Kaya, by chance?“**  
Y/N froze on the spot.  
  
She blinked, countless times, in perfect silence. What? Why was he asking that? Why would he come to her and ask about her mom? Did he know something? Had she met him before?!  
She sent Poe a hesitant look and he nodded. He, too, seemed curious.  
 **“I don’t know. I’m sorry, have we met before?“**  
Y/N didn’t exactly sound polite, but the old man wasn’t offended. In fact, he smiled even more gently.  
 **“No, no. We haven’t. I apologize. It’s just… You look a lot like one of the patients I treated in my homeworld. A beautiful woman. But my eyes are quite old now, and I realize I’ve made a mistake. I offer you a sincere apology.“**  
Okay. That was a relief. Y/N felt the tension leaving her shoulders as she smiled in return. Even though it had been years since she had woken up on Tatooine, she still wasn’t at ease with her memory loss. The idea of running into an old acquaintance terrified her. Oh, how many times had she thought about how she must have walked past people she used to know before she lost her memory? How many pieces of her past were scattered around the Galaxy, desperate to be found, and she didn’t even know they existed…  
  
 **The three of them chatted for a bit before they parted ways. Senator Xalun apologized again.**  
 **“Please, do forgive me… Ah, when I tell my son Jaso about that, he is going to laugh at his old man. Have a wonderful evening, General Dameron. Miss Y/N.“**  
And off he went.  
Y/N watched him walk away. He hadn’t taken three steps that a wave of pain came crashing in her mind and she winced. Poe frowned by her side.  
 **“Hey, you okay?“**  
 **“I’m fine,“** she mumbled as the pain came back, even stronger this time. **“It’s my head, it’s killing me. I might have had too much champagne… I’ll go and get some air.“**  
The pilot nodded and gently grabbed her arm again.  
 **“I’m coming with you.“**  
Had she been feeling well, Y/N would have noted how well-mannered he was. She grunted in pain. What was happening? Her head was pounding and an intense feeling of dread was slowly creeping up on her. It grew in her chest and it was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe.  
  
Fortunately, Poe had reacted quickly and soon enough, the chilling night air kissed her face as they made it outside on a balcony. Y/N leaned against the wall, taking deep breaths.   
**“Are you feeling better?“** Poe asked, and he wasn’t even trying to hide his concern. He was frowning and his eyes were shining anxiously. Y/N smiled weakly at him in a vain attempt to ease his worries.  
 **“I’m okay. It will pass. Must be something I ate.“**  
He hummed, not convinced. His hand came to rest against her back to support her gently.  
 **“Right. Are you sure it has nothing to do with dear Senator Xalun back there? He was weird. Maybe you used to know him.“**  
Y/N sighed. The pain subsided.  
 **“I’ve thought about it, but it’s not that. My head is killing me, but it’s more than that. I have this weigh on my chest. It’s like- I have a bad feeling about- About-“**  
About what, she didn’t know. But she wasn’t feeling any better. Her chest suddenly felt so constrictive around her lungs… What was she thinking about, again? What was going on? Why was she feeling so bad?  
 **“Something’s wrong, Poe. I can't breathe. I…“**  
She never got to finish her sentence.  
Another wave of pain suddenly hit her and the last thing she heard was Poe shouting her name as she felt herself falling to the side and consciousness leaving her body. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I hope you enjoyed this new chapter :D Things are going to start moving forward plot-wise... But don't worry, it's only the beginning. You'll get plenty of chances to see some Poe x Reader moments and to get to know Finn, Klana and Skylen a little better ;)  
> Hope you guys are doing well! As usual, thank you for the kind comments and the kudos. Stay safe ♥


	8. With a Little Help from My Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N fainting had her friends worried and she shares some important moments with them, reminiscing about the Battle of Exegol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff alert!

_Poe knew from the moment the Senator had left us that something was wrong._  
 _He had a bad feeling about it._  
 _Y/N couldn’t see his worried face as she wobbled to the balcony, but it was there. As she was catching her breath, she didn’t see Poe furrow his brows. He had gotten quite good at reading people and was acutely aware of how the people under his command felt. Call it a magical people touch, or just a strong sense of empathy._  
 _But as good as Poe was, he hadn’t seen that coming._  
 _Sure, he knew something was wrong. But his worry turned into stupor when Y/N’s body went limp against him and she collapsed right in his arms._  
 _ **“Y/N!“** He shouted, picking her up with ease. But the woman was out cold, eyes closed, head resting against Poe’s left arm. _  
_He cursed his breath and gently came to kneel, putting her head on his thighs. With one hand, he checked if she still had a pulse - she did - and with the other, he pressed the commlink on his wrist._  
 ** _“Finn, Klana, Tarsen. Come to the south balcony, NOW. It’s an emergency.“_**  
 _Klana’s frantic voice answered him, but he didn’t pay attention. He was too focused on the beating pulse underneath his fingertips to focus on it. It was there. Her heart was still beating, albeit slowly. He breathed out, relieved._  
 ** _“Can you hear me, Keebler?“_**  
 _He never got an answer, which was to be expected, but it didn’t mean he was too happy about it._  
  
 _BeeBee was the first one to join him, rolling furiously toward his human. He beeped quizzically and Poe wasted no time ordering him to run a health scan on the unconscious woman in his arms. A few moments later, Finn and Klana barged in as well, quickly followed by Tarsen._  
 _ **“Maker! What happened?!“** The woman asked, falling to her knees without a care in the world. Poe shook his head._  
 _“ **I don’t know. We were just finishing talking to a Senator, and she felt sick. I walked her outside, and she said she couldn’t breathe. She fainted right after. I don’t know what’s wrong with her.“**_  
 _He was concerned, something Klana seemed to understand immediately. She started mumbling things to BeeBee, who beeped in agreement. Poe knew she had some medical training, which was way more than he could say for himself._  
 _ **“Will she be alright?“** Finn asked, and his friend just shook his head. He had no idea. It probably wasn’t too serious, they had run a general health check on her a few days after her arrival on Kuat and she was fine. _  
_**“We need to bring her back to our quarters. Tarsen, you know this place like the back of your hand. Is there a way out that doesn’t involve us walking through the room full of Senators?“** he asked again, and the pilot nodded._  
 ** _“Yeah. There’s a service hallway at the end of the balcony. It will lead you back to the antechamber we were in earlier, and then, back to the suite.“_**  
  
 _Poe truly appreciated his efficiency. He had wasted no time answering his General, even though everyone knew he didn’t care much for Y/N’s safety. He looked genuinely worried, though._  
 _ **“I’m gonna go back in and distract the Senators long enough so they don’t notice you’re gone,“** he added, and Finn nodded._  
 ** _“Good idea. I’ll be right behind you. Poe, Klana, take her back to her room. We will take care of things here.“_**  
 _He patted Poe’s shoulder as he left, sharing a knowing look with his friend right as BeeBee perked up again. He furiously beeped, speaking as fast as he could. But even though Poe was used to his droid’s way of speech, he didn’t quite understand everything. He furrowed his brows, mouth slightly agape in confusion._  
 _ **“She has a- in basic, please,“** he grumbled, and Klana took over._  
 ** _“He is saying her blood pressure is lower than normal and her heartbeat is slow, but she is fine otherwise. He doesn’t understand why she fainted. She needs to lie down, Poe. Preferably somewhere else than here. BeeBee is not a medical droid, and I need to have a proper look at her.“_**  
  
 _The orange ball let out a long, slow beat in apology and Klana patted his little head gently._  
 ** _“You did good, little one.“_**  
 _Poe nodded. Yes. Get her out of here. He could do that._  
 _Gently, he stood up, picking her up in the process. She was still fast asleep in his arms, her eyelashes forming half-moons on her pale cheeks. She didn’t look nearly as lively as she did when she was awake, and Poe would rather have her conscious and sassing him than fainted like that._  
 _ **“It’s my fault,“** he said as he walked slowly to the service door Tarsen had pointed him to earlier. **“I was the one to ask her to come here. She told me she wasn’t feeling it, but she came because I asked her to.“**_  
 _Klana audibly groaned._  
 ** _“Don’t blame yourself, General. It’s useless to do that. It won’t get her to wake up. Also, I doubt any of this is your fault. We can faint for different reasons. It could have happened at the base, too.“_**  
 _Somehow, Poe doubted it, but he kept silent. He was supposed to make sure the men and women under his command all came home._  
  
 _The timing couldn’t have been worse. It was, after all, the anniversary of the battle of Exegol. The day he had lost so many of his friends. The mere thought of losing yet another one of his pilots was so ironic and painful that he squashed the thought away as he pushed a door open with his shoulder. Maybe that was the reason why he was reacting so strongly; he hadn’t realized just how on edge he was. Seeing Y/N faint like that had caused so many memories to resurface. He might have been a tiny teeny bit overreacting._  
  
 _It took him a few minutes to reach the suite they all shared, and he let Klana open the door for him and clear a path to Y/N’s room. Gently, he laid her down on the soft mattress, her head resting on a pillow. She hadn’t stirred a bit. He carefully bent her legs to make the blood flow and put two pillows under her knees, cursing when her dress got in the way. It looked incredible on her, but it was a pain in the ass._  
 ** _“I’ve got her, Poe. You need to get back to the Senators.“_**  
 _Poe turned to Klana with a mix of shock and confusion._  
 ** _“What? I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay here and make sure she’s okay-“_**  
 _ **“I will take care of her. But you can run away from your duties. Not tonight. I’ll keep you updated,“** Klana countered, but the General shook his head._  
 ** _“I’m not leaving her behind-“_**  
 ** _“She would understand. Go. There’s nothing more you can do for her right now.“_**  
 _She was right, of course, she was. His commlink crackled to life as Tarsen muttered that Senators were starting to question where he had disappeared to. Poe ran a hand through his curly hair, biting his lip as he thought for a second. With a sigh, he gave up._  
 ** _“Okay. But you call me the second she wakes up, okay?“_**  
 _Klana eagerly nodded and he sighed again, bit his lip some more, and ran out of the room. He stopped right outside of the door, slipped his head back in the room, and told his droid:_  
 ** _“You stay with them and assist Klana in any way you can, alright, buddy?“_**  
 _The little droid beeped, happy to tend to his new friend, and Poe finally walked away, shaking his head._  
 _He still believed it was his fault._  
  
  
  
When Y/N opened her eyes, her head hurt like a kriffing bitch.  
She let out an involuntary groan that was quickly answered by a happy beep. She rolled her head to the side, feeling the soft pillow shift under her hair, and her eyes fell on a familiar little ball whose head was turned toward her.  
 **“BeeBee…? Where am I?“**  
Beep beep. _You’re back in your room_. Beep beep. _You fainted._  
Oh. That’s right.  
The orange droid zoomed away, leaving a trail of beeps behind and Y/N to rack her brains to remember the last thing that happened before she fainted. She remembered talking to Poe, she remembered how her chest hurt. How her head was spinning. And then-  
 **“Y/N! You’re awake!“**  
BeeBee entered the room again, followed closely by a relieved Klana. She had let her hair down and it bounced around her face as she ran inside. Her dress had disappeared, replaced by some pajamas. When she glanced down at her own body, Y/N noticed her gown had vanished, too.  
 **“How are you feeling?“** She asked, and the H/C shrugged to the best of her abilities.  
 **“Better than before I fainted,“** she answered truthfully. **“BeeBee told me I collapsed.“**  
  
Klana nodded softly and grabbed a flashlight she turned on and flashed in her eyes, making Y/N wince. Her friend mumbled an apology and continued her check-up thoroughly until she was happy with the results. The droid ran a quick scan on her and seemed content with what he found, too.  
 **“You will be fine. Your blood pressure is still a little low, but it’s better than it was before… What happened? You had us all worried.“**  
Her brows were furrowed in concern and the droid by her side beeped his agreement. Y/N sighed and pushed a strand of hair away from her face.  
 **“I don’t know. I was feeling fine, and then, I needed some air… Who carried me here?“**  
Her friend’s expression turned to one of amusement and a smirk tugged at her lips.  
 **“Poe. He was super worried about you, and he is totally blaming himself for what happened, too.“**  
  
Y/N could hear the alcohol’s impact on the way Klana was talking. But unfortunately, the knowing look she was giving her wasn’t caused by any beverage. The H/C rolled her eyes.  
 **“Ugh. Of course, he does. No, it wasn’t his fault. I suddenly felt this… this feeling of dread in my chest. You know the one you get when you’re convinced someone is going to die? Pure terror? That’s the one. But we didn’t talk about anything in particular, or to anyone special. Just a Senator, like we had been doing all evening. It just came and it overwhelmed me. I’m sorry if you were worried about me.“**  
Klana hummed in understanding but was clearly thoughtful. She frowned and tapped her fingers together as she mulled over Y/N’s words.  
 **“That’s definitely weird. But there’s no use thinking about it now… You just need to get some rest. I’ll call Poe, I promised I would the second you woke up. You try and stay comfy, okay?“**  
  
She nodded and Klana left the room, already glancing down at her commlink. Y/N took the chance to look back down again, finding BeeBee still looking at her. She smiled.  
 **“You’re my little guardian angel, aren’t you, sweetheart?“**  
He beeped proudly and the woman chuckled. He was truly dedicated to his task, that was for sure.  
  
When Klana came back, she found Y/N talking to the droid and she frowned, even though her lips were slightly curled into a smile.   
**“I thought I told you to get some rest?“**  
Y/N shrugged innocently.  
 **“I’ve slept enough for today, and I was having an interesting talk with BeeBee about his medical abilities. Did you know that although he is a mechanical droid, he can technically perform most of the simple tasks other droids can? It’s awesome!“**  
Klana chuckled and came to sit on the edge of the bed. It was big enough that she could have lied down and she still wouldn’t have touched Y/N.  
 **“He is great, yes.“**  
 **“And so are you. He told me you watched over me and monitored my health for the past hour. Thank you.“**  
She frowned, and then, added:  
 **“I’m sorry I took you away from the party.“**  
The curly-haired pilot snorted and dismissed her concerns with a swat of her hand.  
 **“Oh, please. I was bored out of my mind anyway. These things tend to be identical to one another after you’ve attended too many times. I’m not missing anything. Actually, I should be thanking you, and Poe and Finn are the ones you should pity.“**  
  
The two women laughed, and Y/N nodded thoughtfully. She wasn’t wrong. Although she had only ever attended galas once or twice in her life, she had gathered that they were very similar in the way their events unfolded. Talks, negotiations, thinly-veiled threats, fake laughs and manicured hands brushing subtly against expensive pieces of jewelry in a sad way to make a show of the wealth they were wearing on them. So, yes, Y/N understood what Klana was saying, to some extent.  
There just was an unknown variable in the equation she had been presented with. The H/C frowned and propped herself up on her elbow to get a better look at her pilot friend, who gave her a curious look. BB-8 warned her about moving, but the H/C eased his worries with a reassuring smile.  
 **“Are they really dragging you to all of the events for you to be so used to them? Maker, you deserve a raise. I’ve barely made it through one of them and I needed two glasses of champagne to survive.“**  
Klana laughed softly, but her amusement didn’t reach her eyes. She sighed, and the mood switched swiftly. Even in her slightly dizzy state, Y/N immediately understood she had stepped into uncharted territory.  
And her brain was screaming at her: “GET BACK! GET BAAACK!“.  
But Klana, being the delightful human being she was, gave a soft smile and an answer.  
 **“No, actually. I don’t attend galas often. Poe always makes sure we avoid those we can avoid, he isn’t particularly fond of them, as you’ve gathered.“**  
Oh, yeah, no kidding.   
  
Y/N felt very uncomfortable. She didn’t know if she should casually ask questions or change the topic. Klana was one of those people who would answer everything, no matter how awkward they felt, just out of pure politeness. And Y/N really didn’t want to be that person. So she stayed silent, twiddling her thumbs, wishing she had even half of Poe’s social skills.  
He would know what to say.  
The curly-haired pilot scooted over until she was leaning against the wall, next to Y/N. BB-8 sat by their side, his little head tilted upward. Klana dropped her hand down to absentmindedly pat his head as she started talking.  
 **“I’ve been to a lot of galas when I was younger. It was part of my job, you could say.“**  
Hm. That was weird. If Y/N’s memory served her right, she had been working in communications for a while before she became a pilot. But galas were rare during the war. People wouldn’t throw expensive parties if there was a risk they would be stopped by TIEs raids or stormtroopers barging in.  
Something felt off. But Y/N stayed silent. It wasn’t her place to push her friend.  
  
Klana chuckled and turned her head toward the H/C with a tired smile.  
 **“I know what you’re thinking, you know. Why would I ever need to attend galas during a war? Where did they even take place? But I wasn’t talking about my time in the Resistance. I’m talking about way before. My childhood. I think it’s time I tell you some things about my life before all of this… It’s only fair, after all. You’ve been honest with us, you deserve me to be honest with you.“**  
Y/N’s hand moved by its own will and gently grabbed Klana’s. The brown eyes of the pilot widened in surprise.  
 **“Don’t feel pressured to share things with me just because I did. It wasn’t a trade, I told you a part of my story because I wanted to, not because I expected something in return.“**  
Klana beamed at her friend and squeezed her hand softly.  
 **“I know. But I want to.“**  
  
She took a deep breath, looked at BeeBee who just hummed in encouragement, and fixed her gaze on the richly decorated wall in front of them, seemingly lost in her memories.  
 **“I am the daughter of an officer of what used to be the Galactic Navy before it fell to the First Order’s hands. My dad was an Admiral. A fierce, fearless commander who commanded one of the best ships of the entire fleet, The Punisher. He was loved by his men and seen as this bright and compassionate guy… But with his family, he was much different.“**  
Y/N listened silently, even though her mind was racing. Growing up in the shadow of such a man couldn’t have been easy.   
**“With my mother and me, he was cold, mean, sometimes. He never had a single encouraging word for us, not once. I think he took out his frustration on us when he couldn’t do so on his men for the sake of appearances…“**  
She gave a depreciative laugh as she shook her head. Her tone was so bitter and her eyes so sad. Y/N was suddenly glad that she didn’t remember her childhood. If it was anything like Klana’s, she selfishly didn’t want to be reminded of that part of her life. How cruel it was for a child to grow up in such an environment! To be treated like a stranger by your own family, belittled by the people who were supposed to lift you up and not tear you down.  
 **“I was the prisoner of my own life,“** Klana spoke up again. **“Everything was so… codified. Don’t say this, speak like this, wear this, don’t dance like that. I felt like a doll they were placing around for their benefit. But I was young, I didn’t know any better and I thought it was normal. That I was supposed to be ignored until I had proven myself worthy of the attention and the praise.“**  
  
Oh, the poor girl.  
Y/N couldn’t help it; she winced in compassion. How she understood how she must have felt. She had been there, too, but was lucky enough to not be in this situation with a family member. Ren and she shared no bond, no blood. In retrospect, she had realized that she didn’t need to prove herself, and Klana didn’t, either. But this truth escaped the comprehension of a young child who wanted nothing more but to make her parents proud.  
 **“I wasn’t interested in war or strategies, so I started learning languages. One, at first, when I was five. Then, when I saw it still didn’t get his attention, I learned another, and so on. By the time I was sixteen, I knew thirteen of the languages I know today.“**  
So impressive! Y/N spoke basic, some rudimentary Jawa and could understand Wookiee quite well, but that was about it. She never had the patience nor the brains to learn the ways of self-expression like Klana did. It showed true discipline and incredible devotion.  
  
But she had a feeling that wasn’t what she was about to tell her. And if the look on her face was any indication, it was the opposite.  
 **“He didn’t even acknowledge it,“** she said, snorting humorlessly. **“He told me I hadn’t picked the right languages to learn and which ones I should get interested in. Then, he asked me why hadn’t I learned military strategizing and when I would start shooting a blaster. I was crushed.“**  
A single tear rolled down her cheek and although Y/N had initially intended to stay quiet and unmoving, she squeezed Klana’s hand. Just to show her she wasn’t alone. To show her she had her support, as small as it was. She smiled through her tears, eyes finding Y/N’s E/C ones.  
 **“I went to my mother, that night. To ask for her support. But she had given up way before I did and she only told me I needed to get used to it. I was furious. So, so mad. I yelled at my father the following morning, and of course, he didn’t understand. He dismissed me like a petulant child and sent me to take a walk through the ship to clear my head. When I came back, he was gone, so I packed my stuff and hijacked a ride with a pilot to Coruscant, the planet we were stationed on. I was seventeen, alone, angry, with nowhere to go and without a goal in life. And that’s when I met Leia.“**  
  
Her bitter smile turned into one of deep affection, something Y/N had noticed quite often whenever people would mention the late General’s name. She had been the heart of the Resistance for so long, a spark of hope for so many people. She had been gone for over a year, but her memory would last way beyond that. It was quite obvious her imprint on Klana’s life was imperishable, much like the one on Poe’s.  
 **“She took me in, falsified my I.D so I could start a new life. I started working for her. And the rest is history. I told you already about my time in the Resistance and how I met Poe… They saved my life, you know. I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for them. They gave me a family when I had never had one. Gave me a purpose I could only dream of. It made me feel valued and loved. I was always the black sheep of the family, the odd one out. I didn’t know anything about war, or ships, or fights. But here… Never once did they make me feel like it was a shame. They pushed me to get better.“**  
The way the sadness had gradually disappeared from her eyes as she spoke of the Resistance was inspiring and heart-warming. This was a woman whose whole soul belonged to the Resistance, to its cause - a woman who had found her place among scoundrels and rebel scums.  
And, yes, her story was sad. But it was also beautiful that in her pain, she had found happiness. She had found a family, a job, a purpose.  
 **“I feel useful, now. I actually feel like I’m making a difference. And it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world.“**  
  
She was fully crying, now, but she was smiling as she sobbed, and Y/N found the tears to be spilling from her eyes too. Instinctively, she leaned forward and hugged Klana tightly. She hugged her back in a second, and they stayed like this, immobile, for a long moment, in perfect silence. The only things that disrupted the quietness of the room were the occasional sobs and BB-8’s quiet coos. The little droid was feeling for the pilot, too.   
**“It’s still hard, sometimes,“** Klana whispered after a while. **“I still have scars from the self-doubt I lived with for years. But then, I try to remember how far I’ve come, and how much they’ve all helped me. And it passes.“**  
 **“I’m sorry,“** Y/N said, because she didn’t know what else to say. Once again, she lacked the people skills needed to be helpful, and Klana deserved better than some half-assed and cliché speech on self-worth.   
  
After a few seconds, Klana pulled away and gave her an apologetic smile.  
 **“No, I’m the one that should be saying sorry. You had it worse than I did, and you’re not complaining.“**  
Y/N sighed. Could they really compare their experiences? She didn’t think anything was better or worse, to was a matter of point of view. Objectively, the time she had spent in the First Order wasn’t a good one, but she still managed to find silver linings. It wasn’t all bad, and she was sure it wasn’t all bad for Klana either. She just shrugged.  
 **“I don’t talk about it because it won’t change anything. And people never really cared anyway.“**  
Why would anyone pay attention to a nobody? When the war had ended, people had been so glad to go back to their normal lives than they had left everything behind, including the trauma of the people who had fought for them. They buried them alive with their feelings and post-traumatic stress. So former soldiers kept on marching on and tried to move past the atrocities they had seen and committed. Civilians stopped asking how they were doing, and they stopped trying to tell them. It seemed to work out for everyone. Y/N was no exception. Who would think of asking her about the nightmares she still had of ships blowing up around her? Her, a former Empire pilot whose death would stir cheers from the crowd rather than weeps?   
  
Her gloomy daydream was interrupted by Klana, whose hand landed on her friend’s knee as it usually did when she wanted to catch her attention. Y/N looked up. The brown eyes of the pilot were still glossy with tears, but they were warm, too.  
 **“I care. You can tell me.“**  
She believed her, she did, but what good would it do to dwell on the past when she wanted nothing more but to bury it? Ah, it didn’t matter. Maybe it would make Klana feel better to know she wasn’t alone in this. Sure, she had Poe and Finn to talk to, but it wasn’t the same. They were men. It was a well-known fact that women tended to be discriminated against just because of their gender, especially in elitist fields. During the war, they cared less about what was between the legs of someone as long as they could point a blaster and shoot it. But it didn’t mean it was easy every day. That wasn’t something Klana could talk to with her leaders. They had good intentions, but they just couldn’t understand.  
  
 **“I’ve told you most of it already, but… I know what it’s like to be the black sheep of the group, you know? When Ren made me Captain, I was greeted by the jealousy and confusion of people who had expected one of their men to be appointed squad leader. And here I was, fresh out of Tatooine, a few weeks in the First Order, inexperienced in their eyes, ready to lead them into battle. They didn’t trust me. And no matter how much I tried to get them to, it was never enough.“**  
Oh, how sick she had felt when she had understood that her efforts could never pay off.   
She shook her head absentmindedly, fingers fumbling with the hem of the shirt Klana had dressed her into after getting her out of her gown. It was probably Poe’s if the smell of the aftershave was any indicator. It made her smile. Even though he couldn’t be there physically, she knew he was still here for her. It felt… strange, to have someone care.  
Just like Klana, she felt grateful she had met the Resistance.  
  
The thought went away and she realized she had to finish her story. It might have been the only day when it was acceptable to dwell on the pain. She couldn’t believe she had forgotten the anniversary was that day. The date everything had come to an end.  
Y/N knew Kylo had died that day, too, like many others. She just knew it happened. When she was high in the sky, in her ship, she had this feeling of dread, so similar to the one she had experienced earlier that night. Her sixth sense, undoubtedly. She was convinced back then that her former Master had just died. Something that had been confirmed after the battle.  
And although Ren was a mass murderer and a bad person, she couldn’t help but remember that he was also the one who had treated her the most fairly. He was ruthless, he was violent. But he had always trusted her actions over his men’s gossips, and for that, she was grateful. Yes, he had taken away her life from her and had made her do terrible things. But he had also given her the closest thing to a family she could ever dream to have, back then. And for that, Y/N could never truly hate him. And the day of his death was also a day of mourning for her. For so many of them. For Klana, who had lost friends to the war, for Poe, who had lost Leia and so many others. For every soldier of the Resistance, and every soldier of the First or the Last Order.  
Because they were people, too. Cruel people, but people nonetheless.  
  
 **“It got worse when they started to see me getting sent to secret missions for Ren. They were jealous. Everyone wanted to have him in their corner. The ruthless Sith. I did nothing for it, and yet, I had gained his trust and his support. We were never friends. But he respected my work, and that was the last nail in my coffin. People weren’t just rude anymore, they were cruel. They trashed my stuff, sabotaged my ship. Subtle things to make me lose it. To make me look bad. All of that because I wasn’t truly one of them.“**  
She sneered. She had tried. She really had.  
 **“I kept a low profile, did as I was told, but it was never enough. Some people respected me, but the great majority of them just… Hated me. Like Tarsen did. Except he isn’t trying to kill me.“**  
Klana made a strangled noise and Y/N smiled tiredly.  
 **“So, I get it, Klan. I get what it’s like to do your best to fit in, to be accepted, and to realize it will never be enough. That you will never be enough.“**  
  
Silence settled around them. Even BeeBee had stopped moving. He was frozen on the spot, his little head unmoving as Y/N’s words hovered over them like a blanket made of concrete.  
And then, she spoke up again.  
 **“But you know what? One thing I’ve picked up from the constant harassment and bullying is that people will try to bring down the people they feel are above them.“**  
Her voice was more assertive and a spark had lit up in her eyes. Determination, confidence. The confidence she was faking, to a great extent, but it didn’t matter.  
 **“Self-worth comes from within. And it’s okay if we don’t feel like it sometimes. Kriff, I’m probably the last person in the Galaxy that should be telling you this,“** she added, and Klana chuckled. **“You and I, we both have a long way to go before we learn to love ourselves and think we’re worth it. But I’ll be with you every single step of the way, to remind you how awesome you are until you believe it yourself.”**  
  
The smile her friend gave her was so bright it was the only confirmation she needed to know that she had made the right choice.  
She wasn’t at Poe’s level yet, but she was getting the hang of those social interactions.  
The pilot laughed softly by her side, curls bouncing around her head. She looked thoughtful, and Y/N raised an eyebrow to encourage her to speak up.  
 **“It’s funny. I haven’t known you for long, and yet, I already feel like you’re the sister I never had. You are a good person, Y/N. Don’t let Tarsen, the memories of Ren or yourself tell you otherwise.“**  
Wow.  
That might have been the nicest thing anyone had ever told her.   
She wasn’t sure she had enough words in her vocabulary to describe how happy it made her feel to hear it.  
  
They then changed the subject and started talking about random topics. Klana told her about her discussions with the drunk Senators and Finn’s attempt to charm a foreign representative in his mother tongue. He had accidentally called him an asshole when he had pronounced a word wrong and Klana had to do some damage control, to the other Senators’ amusement. Y/N told her about their run-in with the Senator she had already forgotten the name of.  
 **“Xalun,“** Klana informed her. **“He was a doctor before the war. I think he used to work with General Organa when she was younger… A very secretive man, but kind.“**  
Since the Senator subject made her feel queasy, she switched it again and started talking about Poe and how they had made it through the night. Klana listened with a smile on her face, that turned into a grin when Y/N mentioned they had danced.  
Beep beep. _They were having lots of fun together_. Beep beep. _I don’t think I have seen Poe having fun with Senators since Skylen got drunk._  
Klana burst out laughing at BeeBee’s interruption and Y/N rolled her eyes.   
**“I don’t know what you guys want me to say. We’ve barely started to become friends, and you’re acting like we’re gonna get married or something.“**  
The pilot’s eyes are twinkling in mischief as she snorted.  
 **“Y/N Dameron. Has a nice ring to it-“**  
She was hit in the face by the pillow Y/N had grabbed, which only caused her to double with laughter.  
  
 **“We’re just teasing you,“** she then said more seriously. **“You keep him on his toes. It’s not often we get someone new around here, at least someone who sees him as a regular guy and doesn’t worship the ground he walks on. It’s nice to see you teasing each other. He needs it, you know. He might be the person on whom the war has taken the greatest toll. Even if he doesn’t show it.“**  
She was right. Poe had been in the resistance since the beginning. Leia’s trusted advisor, the man they all went to when they needed something. Always making sure everyone felt good, always talking to his colleagues. Always risking his life.  
Always losing his friends.  
Poe Dameron was a strong man, without the shadow of a doubt. But it didn’t mean he didn’t have his breaking point, or that he never felt down. When was the last time he had felt like he could let his guard down and be truly sad? When was the last time he had stopped smiling for a second and taken time for himself?  
 **“I’m glad I can bring some light-hearted banter and friendly competition in his life, then,“** Y/N answered with a smirk, and Klana cackled. They talked some more and Y/N’s worries for Poe were pushed in the back of her mind. No, it wasn’t her place to tell him how to behave. All she could do was to be a good friend to him like he was being to her.  
  
When the woman started to yawn, Klana immediately shot up to her feet and insisted her friend got some rest. Y/N complained, told her she was fine, but she wouldn’t have any of it.  
 **“You fainted, and we don’t know why. So get some rest. Doctor’s orders.“**  
 **“But you’re not a-“**  
 **“Do you want me to call Poe to tuck you in? Maybe, then, you’ll listen?“**  
She giggled as Y/N cursed at her and threw the sheets over her head with an audible groan.  
 **“GOOD NIGHT, KLANA.“**  
Her friend’s laughter didn’t quiet down as she closed the door and walked away from the room.  
Y/N let her head out again, turning toward the side of the bed were BB-8 was still standing. He had insisted to stay with her until she fell asleep again, little guardian angel painted in orange and white. It made the woman smile. He was so vigilant.  
 **“Hey, sweetheart? Thank you for staying with me.“**  
He beeped happily and the pilot chuckled, putting her hand under her pillow and resting her head on it. The moons shone through the bay windows, flooding the room in soft, blueish light. BeeBee’s eye reflected the light and Y/N could see him very well.  
 **“Poe is lucky to have you by his side. It’s nice of you and him to take care of me, but you should take care of yourselves too, okay?“**  
Beep beep. _I try to take care of him_.  
The H/C chuckled.  
 **“Yes… I assume he is a worse patient than I am.“**  
She fell asleep under BB-8’s attentive gaze with a smile on her lips and a pilot on her mind.  
  
——————————————————————————  
  
When Y/N opened her eyes, the moons were still high up in the sky.  
She was startled awake from her dream, which subject had escaped her. It wasn’t a pleasant one, that was for sure, and she shuddered as she sat in the big bed, silk sheets pushed away from her body in an attempt to cool herself down.   
She turned her head and found out that BB-8 wasn’t by her side anymore. The little ball had undoubtedly gone back to his human.  
  
As the woman took deep breaths to steady her rapid heartbeat and dissipate the lingering feeling of dread that had seeped back into her bones, she glanced through the window. The curtains had been closed by Klana earlier, but it didn’t stop some light to make its way in. Y/N couldn’t see the sky, but just imagining it right on the other side of the high glass panels made her feel better.  
She was wide awake, now, and a quick look at her commlink informed her that it was four in the morning. The rest of the suite was dead silent, and Y/N suddenly felt like the walls of the expensive room were closing on her. Luxury had never sat well with her, so she kicked the sheets off of her and stepped barefoot on the wooden floor. It didn’t creak. Of course.  
  
Dressed in Poe’s shirt Klana had given her and some loose shorts she didn’t know the provenance of, she quietly made her way out of the room.   
The small room that connected her room to Klana’s was empty. Someone had left a glass on the coffee table and Klana’s makeup hadn’t been put away yet. As Y/N walked around the small table, she noticed a dent in the wood; it made her smile to see such minute detail, but it was proof that actual beings had lived there. And despite the luxurious pieces of furniture and the polished appearance they tried to maintain, flaws always made their way in everyone’s life. Including Senators.  
Y/N ran her fingers on the scarred wood, chuckled lowly, and left the room.  
  
Once she was in the living room, she found it as empty as the rest of the place. The moons were shining even more brightly in there, and Y/N could see just as if it was broad daylight outside.  
She shuddered and realized suddenly that there was a soft breeze running through the room. She turned around, E/C eyes settling on the bay windows. They had been left ajar, and that made her frown. It was a serious breach of security.  
Silently, she moved toward the table on which they had left their weapons. She unclasped the blaster from its holster and took the safety off, carefully crossing the room to take a look outside, hands clutched tight around the butt of the gun.  
  
But she quickly lowered it when she recognized the tousled hair on the back of the head that was tilted upward, gazing at the bright night sky.  
Poe.  
He hadn’t heard her, so she retreated inside and put the gun back where she had found it. Her fingers drummed softly on the mahogany table as Y/N weighed her options. She could either go back to her room and leave Poe alone, or she could be a good friend and keep him company. But her anxiety had crept back in. What if he just wanted to be left alone? What if he was too polite to tell her to leave him alone?  
But Klana’s words came back to her and she shook the doubts away with a sharp move of her head. No. Poe had been nothing but a good listener. He deserved someone to offer him the same.  
  
Her eyes roamed around the room and settled on the minibar Klana had told her about when they were talking in her room. Silently, she went to open it and found an expensive bottle of Merenzane Gold. Y/N let out an impressed grunt. Okay, they had some good stuff.  
Surely, they wouldn’t miss it too much.  
She snagged it from inside the shelf and went back to the bay windows, this time pushing them wider open. They creaked a little, and she was quite sure Poe had heard her, but he didn’t turn around. His eyes were still locked on the sky, and more precisely on the stars. No matter how bright the moons were, he didn’t seem to pay attention to them.   
  
The balcony was spacious, with some sort of garden table with comfy sofas on one side, but Poe hadn’t bothered grabbing one of them. He was just leaning against the glass banister, like an eagle in his nest above the clouds. Coruscant stretched out beneath them, a sea of lights and metal. The planet never seemed to be sleeping. Ships buzzed around as they slalomed between the high skyscrapers. The hive was still active, even in the middle of the night.  
Y/N stood next to him, leaning against the banister like he was. Neither of them spoke up and the H/C tried to keep her eyes on the sky, but it was difficult. She sneaked a glance or two at her General. The moonlight highlighted his features, painting his face black and white. It made him look more tired. Or maybe he just was.  
After a few minutes of silence, he turned his head toward her and squinted slightly.  
 **“You should be resting.“**  
His tone wasn’t patronizing, there was a hint of playfulness hidden in there, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t serious. Y/N gave him a cheeky grin.  
 **“My droid nurse took great care of me and I feel good.“**  
The ghost of a smile tugged at Poe’s lips at the subtle reference to BB-8.  
  
In a more serious tone, Y/N added:  
 **“I couldn’t sleep anymore. I need some fresh air. This place makes me feel weird.“**  
Poe hummed in agreement, eyes back on the sky.  
 **“I know what you mean.“**  
Silence, again. It wasn’t uncomfortable. It never seemed to be, with him. Y/N shivered. It wasn’t cold, but she was dressed very lightly and the breeze was chilly. Poe noticed and shrugged off his jacket. He handed it to Y/N before she could protest with a look that prevented her from arguing. She gulped down the vehement refusal she had prepared and put her arms in the sleeves. It was too big for her but she didn’t mind. It smelled exactly like his shirt did; his aftershave, the faintest smell of lemon that was caused by the Resistance’s detergent. She had subconsciously associated these smells with safety and home, in record time. It still scared her, sometimes, but she had gotten used to it.  
  
 **“I keep thinking about it,“** he suddenly said, his voice quiet. **“How you went from perfectly fine to really bad in a matter of seconds. It just doesn’t make sense. I’m no doctor, but I know some things. You don’t just faint like this. I don’t understand.“**  
His brows were furrowed in frustration and he angrily ran a hand through his curls. It was eating at him without a doubt. Y/N turned to the side.  
 **“Poe, it’s okay. These things happen. It’s not the first time I’ve felt this feeling of dread. I think it’s my sixth sense or something. Something must have triggered it back in the ballroom. I’m fine, now, we all are. That’s what matters.“**  
She was speaking softly but firmly to make sure he understood. Maybe it had been something the Senator had said. Maybe she had unconsciously noticed someone in the room when she was talking to him… It didn’t really matter.  
 **“Yes, this time. You might not get so lucky if it happens again,“** he mumbled gruffly before turning his attention back on the stars.  
  
Y/N stayed silent for a moment, at loss for words. Okay. It was quite obvious he wasn’t just angry because he didn’t know what had happened. The issue ran way deeper than her little accident. It seemed to have triggered something in him, too. That worried the pilot. Was he still blaming himself?  
But now that she was a bit more awake thanks to the breeze kissing her cheeks and vivifying her, she also realized it was a good thing; Poe wasn’t trying to downplay it. Instead, he was somehow brooding. Which meant he had allowed himself to be open with his discomfort.  
That was good. Right?  
 **“Credit for your thoughts?“** She asked softly. Poe sighed and bit his lip, his eyes going down to the city.  
 **“No, it’s okay. You should get some more rest. I can handle it.“**  
Ah, the tough guy act. And here he was, the fearless leader in all of his glory. Y/N hummed.  
 **“Sure you can. You just don’t have to.“**  
  
He finally looked back at her, opened his mouth, closed it, and stared some more, as if he was seeing her for the first time since she had stepped on the balcony. As usual, Y/N felt slightly uncomfortable, scrutinized by his hazel eyes. She shivered.  
Since he wasn’t speaking, she took the opportunity to speak some more and hopefully convince him to open up a bit. The H/C tentatively raised the bottle she was holding by the neck with a small smile.  
 **“You said you’d rather be home, sharing a drink and stories with your men. Well, I’m not a man, and this isn’t home, but I have drinks, and two functioning ears.“**  
Poe looked down at the bottle she was holding between them and he gave her an incredulous look.  
 **"Where did you even find that?“**  
He sounded amused. Y/N shrugged innocently.  
 **“I stole it from the bar.“**  
  
He snorted and shook his head in disbelief, even though it was clear he was growing more and more amused with the situation.  
 **“You stole- you do realize we’re in the Chancellor’s guest suite, right? You stole from the Chancellor?“**  
Ah.  
Yes.  
She hadn’t realized that.  
Oh, well. What could he do? Lock her up for war crimes? Hah. She shrugged again.  
 **“Don’t worry, he won’t miss it, there are plenty of others where that one came from. And if he says something about it, I’ll tell him to kiss my ass.“**  
Poe gave her a genuine laugh, his eyes twinkling in amusement under the moonlight. Y/N soon joined him and they laughed for a minute at the absurdity of the situation.  
 **“Kriff. I’d love to see that.“**  
Silence, yet again, stretched out between them, until Poe laughed.  
 **“Oh, what the hell. Give me that.“**  
  
He took the bottle from Y/N’s hands, unscrewed the top and took a long sip of the liquid. He then gently smacked his lips together a couple of times, testing the rich flavors as Y/N observed him, amused. It was obvious he was playing make-believe, pretending to be a connoisseur.  
And then, after a second:  
 **“Yep, tastes like expensive stuff.“**  
Y/N laughed as he passed her the bottle and took a swig, too. It had a smoked flavor that tingled down her throat when she swallowed it. She coughed.  
 **“That shit burns.“**  
Poe burst out laughing and instantly tried to quiet down a bit, mindful of the sleeping people in the rooms.  
  
They shared the bottle for a while, taking turns drinking a few sips. At some point, Poe had grabbed the two sofas and had carried them near the banister. The two pilots were now sitting in the comfortable pieces of furniture, back reclined and eyes in the sky. It was interesting to realize that they seem to spend some quiet time stargazing. They shared a passion for celestial objects, that partially came from their job, yes, but still. The only two times they had found themselves alone together, it had been under the starry sky. It was now, in Y/N’s mind, associated with Poe. It was a strange feeling. She hadn’t forgotten he was her General and her squad leader, but neither of them seemed to care. Under the stars, they were two humans, sharing a bottle of Merenzane Gold in silence.  
 **“What a day.“**  
  
He had just given her the bottle back and had let out a long sigh. Y/N understood he was ready to talk. Maybe the alcohol had loosened up his tongue. Or maybe he had thought about what she had told him. Either way, she stayed silent.  
 **“Just a year ago, we were getting ready for the biggest fight of our lives. So many good people died that day. And we still have a long way to go before the Galaxy is safe again. We all hoped things would get better after we won, but I’m not so sure anymore.“**  
Poe sighed.  
 **“I wonder what they would think if they saw what we’re doing today. If that’s what they had imagined for our future…“**  
He stopped, pensive. It was truly incredible to see him being more worried about what his dead friends would think rather than about the loss it had caused him.  
This was true selflessness, an true leadership. Y/N bit back a smile because she didn’t want him to misinterpret it, but the more she learned about Poe, the more she believed he truly was the leader he needed. Both him and Finn were incredible men. Open-minded, kind. They balanced each other out and were the Generals the Galaxy needed.  
Oh, how glad she was to be a small part of their journey.  
  
Taking advantage of the moment, Y/N licked her lips before saying in a soft voice:  
 **“I didn’t know them, but I think they would be very proud of you, Poe. What you did during the years, what you all did last year… it changed our lives for the better. I even felt it from the shit hole of a planet I lived on at that time. Everyone felt it. Things might not be ideal, but they’re getting better and better.“**  
He gave her a lopsided smile and a hum as an answer.  
 **“Maybe. It’s still not enough. I don’t know how Leia did it. She always knew what to do.“**  
Oh, Y/N doubted that. But she was certainly more guarded with her emotions than Poe was. He was still young, he had time to learn. The pilot was sure General Organa didn’t, in fact, know what to do at all times. Nobody could ever know everything. But she must have been a great actress to be able to fake it until she made it. If Kylo had been even slightly like his mother, then the H/C was convinced of it. Everyone had doubts. Even Leia.  
Even Poe.  
This time, Y/N let the smile bloom on her face.  
 **“You’re doing what you should be doing to honor their memory and make sure they didn’t die in vain. I’m pretty sure that is what you should be doing.“**  
  
This elicited a snort from him and he raised an eyebrow as Y/N gave him the bottle back. He took a swig and took his time to answer.   
**“And what is that?“**  
 **“Your best,“** Y/N said without missing a beat.   
He cocked his head to the side, the corners of his mouth tilting downward slightly as he made a “hmmm“. Y/N laughed.  
 **“I promise you, Poe. I’m being serious. They wouldn’t be here anymore if they didn’t believe you and Finn are the right persons to lead them through these uncertain times."**  
This time, his unconvinced expression shifted to a smiling one, and he gave her a gentle pat on the arm like he so often did.  
 **“Hey, you’re good at pep talks, you know that?“**  
She laughed good-heartedly and hit his arm back.  
 **“Yeah, yeah. Don’t get used to it. I won’t fuel your ego anytime soon. But I believe you are both well-equipped to face every challenge that will be thrown your way. I trust your vision. I’m not the only one.“**  
He looked her in the eyes for a moment before simply saying, his voice uncharacteristically low and serious:  
 **“Thank you.“**  
  
After that, they went back to their silent watching of the stars. How long had they been out there for? An hour? Less? More? She didn’t know, but Y/N was noticing the sky was losing some of its blackness. A new day would be upon them soon enough, and with it, a new year will start. Time would pass, and before they knew it, it would be the second anniversary of the Battle of Exegol.  
And the wounds would still be as fresh as they were a year earlier.  
 **“When I saw you fainting, earlier, I… Kriff, I was so sure something was very wrong. I had flashbacks of my men falling during the battle, and I couldn’t do anything. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.“**  
Y/N instinctively leaned forward and put a gentle hand on his knee, just like he had done a few days before. He had changed back into his regular clothes and his pants didn’t feel as soft as the smooth wool he had been wearing earlier that night.  
They did feel more like him, though.  
 **“It’s not your fault.“**  
To her surprise, he laughed and leaned to the side, putting down the bottle of Menzerane Gold.  
 **“I know that, Finn repeated it to me for the rest of the evening. I wish I could have helped. I’m supposed to keep you safe. You’re my responsibility.“**  
He had said it with such determination that Y/N was taken aback for a second. He wanted to keep them all safe, huh?  
  
This time, it as her turn to laugh — mainly to ease the tension.  
 **“I’ve seen what failed leadership is up close. We’re bound to get hurt at some point. We’re pilots. That’s just what we do. You can’t protect us from that. In case you didn’t already know, we do stupid shit all the time.“**  
She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and Poe grunted in annoyance, which caused Y/N to laugh harder. He was the WORST of them. Hands down. She hadn’t even seen him do anything reckless yet, but his reputation preceded him.   
**“I feel attacked.“**  
 **“You should!“**  
He smacked her arm and joined her in her hilarity. On the horizon, the sun was starting to rise. More ships were filling the morning sky as the city got even busier. The cold, grey blocks of metal and concrete were now painted in a reddish hue. It warmed the air a bit, too, even though Poe hadn’t seemed bothered by the fact he was now only wearing a light, loose shirt. The man was a human furnace.  
  
 **“Y/N, I need you to promise me something.“**  
There was no hint of a joke in his tone, and his face was dead serious. A soft crease had formed between his eyebrows as he pinched them together.  
Y/N straightened her back and nodded, her own eyebrows furrowed.  
 **“Of course.“**  
He took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes. His hazel orbs were almost burning Y/N and she had a hard time not looking away. But it seemed important.  
 **“Don’t die. Whatever you do, no matter how many times you risk your life, don’t do anything too stupid. Don’t die.“**  
She couldn’t promise him that.  
She couldn’t.  
And he knew it, too. He knew there was no sure way of knowing she would make it back from their next mission, or the one after that. Something could go wrong. Something always went wrong, and sometimes, people died.  
 **“I’ve lost too many people in my squad to the war. I don’t want you to join them, too. Promise me you won’t.“**  
  
Y/N didn’t have the heart to say no. Not when he was looking at her like that, with the pain of a man who had lost so many good friends.  
She mattered, now. Her life mattered. Maybe not to her, even after all those years, but it mattered to Klana, Skylen, and Poe. She couldn’t just brashly put herself in harm’s way to defy Death. She had to be smart.  
It had never been her strongest suit. She was irrational on the battlefield, unnecessarily risking her life more than it was needed.  
But she didn’t tell Poe that.  
Instead, she smiled and put her right hand on her heart.  
 **“I promise, Poe. I won’t die. Who would challenge your records, then?“**  
He mumbled ‘good’ a couple of times, seemingly satisfied. After all, he was a man of honor, to whom promises meant something.  
Y/N would do her best to honor that one.  
  
Poe stretched slowly, popping his back.  
 **“Okay. We need to get some sleep before we leave, or I’m gonna fly us into an asteroid. Finn wouldn’t like that very much. Last time I did it, he was beyond pissed.“**  
Last time he-  
That was a story she needed to hear.  
But he was right, they needed to get a little bit of rest. The strong alcohol had tired her out a bit. And she needed to go back to her room anyway before anyone noticed where the two of them were.  
Klana would never let her hear the end of it.  
  
Without saying another word, they both stood up, took one last look at the view of the planet and went back inside. It was still silent, and soft snores could be heard from one of the rooms. They were all still fast asleep.  
Y/N put the bottle back where she had found it, except she hid it in the back, behind others, causing Poe to snort. She shushed him, biting her cheek to contain her laugh.  
One day, someone would notice, but they’d be long gone by then.  
She then shrugged off his jacket and handed it back to her. As he grabbed it from her outstretched hand, Poe frowned, eyeing the woman up and down.  
 **“Is that my shirt?“** He whispered, and Y/N turned bright red. Kriff! She had forgotten that small detail!  
 **“Klana gave it to me when I was unconscious. Do you want me to-“**  
But he waved his concern away.  
 **“Nah, keep it. It’ll bring you luck.“**  
She deliberately rolled her eyes and he snickered. Silence followed yet again, and Poe bit his lip, looking sheepishly to the floor and then back at her with a renewed determination.  
 **“Hey, my turn to promise you something. I promise I will do everything I can to make you a better pilot and to keep you safe. It doesn’t matter from what.“**  
Y/N smiled and nodded but didn’t say anything. It wasn’t needed. She wasn’t a big talker and he seemed to understand her anyway.  
  
 **"Good night, General.“**  
She nodded at him and turned to leave but his hand wrapped around her forearm. She turned a quizzical look back at him and her eyes found his, E/C against hazel.  
 **“Thank you,“** he simply said, and they both knew what he meant.  
She didn’t know what to say to that, and he seemed to understand, because he swiftly changed the subject, letting go of her arm and letting the smug look return on his face.  
 **“Hey, just so you know… Tomorrow, we will talk about our first important mission since you joined us. I think you’re going to like it.“**  
Whaaaat?! He couldn’t just tell her that and expect her to be patient! She needed to know more!  
  
Y/N opened her mouth to press him to tell her more, but he squashed her questions before she could ask them.  
 **“Nope, not telling you anything else. You’ll have to wait. Good night, Keebler.“**  
And with that, he disappeared toward his room, leaving a dumbfounded Y/N behind him.  
 **“Asshole!“** She whispered-shout.  
She heard him chuckle just before he closed the door gently.  
The H/C was now super grumpy. There was no way she would be able to get some rest, now! She was way too excited!  
  
Her annoyance quickly vanished as she grinned from ear to ear. Her first real mission with the Resistance. No matter how much of a tease Poe was, she was still happy she would be flying with him and his squad. She looked forward to making herself useful. She was itching to fly again, even though it had only been a couple of days since she had sat in her X-Wing. She couldn’t wait to be in space again.  
Excitement bubbled up her chest as she retraced her steps, going back to her room.   
Her first real mission! Her first opportunity to prove herself!  
It would be challenging, for sure. But nothing she couldn’t handle, she was sure of it.  
As she closed the door behind her, she also made a promise to herself; she would get to the bottom of her accident. She needed to know what triggered this feeling of dread she had had.  
She was never scaring Poe like that ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for today's fluffy chapter! It's a bit shorter than usual, but I wanted to keep it sweet. I hope you liked it!  
> You won't get all of the answers... yet. But I will hide little hints here and there in the upcoming chapters. Pay attention! ;)  
> The next chapters will be more action-packed... Get ready for some good old Star Wars-typical tension!  
> Stay safe, lovelies, and thank you for your kind comments, I appreciate all of you ♥


	9. Flirtin' With Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe trusts Y/N with a special mission. Tensions arise as she prepares for it and meets an old acquaintance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: swearing.

Twelve hours.  
That’s how much time it took for Poe to tell everyone about their next mission. And the man sure knew how to create a good cliffhanger. He hadn’t said a word despite Y/N’s insistence during the flight back home. After they all had woken up with a hangover that was worst for some of them (namely, Klana, who had barely spoken to anyone and had just collapsed on a couch in the yacht), Poe had made sure not to let anything slip. He had even briefed Finn about his surprise, as Y/N had so painfully discovered when she had tried asking him. The General had laughed at her attempt and his only answer was “no, sorry, can’t tell you anything. You’ll have to wait.“  
Y/N wasn’t a very patient woman.   
  
She had been wondering all day about the mission and her excitement was reaching new heights as time went by. Poe had slipped through her fingers with a smirk as soon as he had landed the ship and had disappeared inside the base, not to be seen for the rest of the day. That pissed Y/N off. He was the worst tease in the entire Galaxy, she was sure of it, and she would have to find a way to get back at him sooner or later.  
And then, FINALLY, he had called for both of the squads under his command. Both Blue and Green squadrons had met in the control room, gathering around Poe like children around their mom, or a flock of birds around their nest. The General was grinning from ear to ear when he started talking.  
**“Ladies, gentleman, we’re going to Hoth!“**  
People frowned, snorted, sneered, and Y/N just stared silently, expecting him to continue. After all the teasing, he HAD to tell them more. Behind him, leaning against a table, Finn was watching with his arms crossed and a smile on his face, seemingly amused by his friend’s enthusiasm and theatrics.  
**“Come on, come on. We’re going to Hoth because some drunk Senators let it slip while we were on Coruscant that there is a separatist base hidden on the planet. They’re apparently causing trouble in the sector and are hiding in what used to be the Resistance’s compound. Now, it was mostly destroyed during the Empire's attack years ago, but some of it is still intact and has been fixed. We need to go and check it out to plan a raid if needed.“**  
  
That sparked some serious enthusiasm amongst the pilot, Y/N included. She elbowed Skylen who had been standing by her side, and the bearded man grinned. He leaned forward conspiringly and whispered:  
**“Hey, you’re gonna be on your very first high-stakes mission! Excited?“**  
Beyond excited. If she had been alone, Y/N would have shrieked delightfully, but she still had some self-esteem and a bit of professionalism left in her that hadn’t been lost to her slightly disproportionate consumption of Merenzane Gold the night before.  
**“Now, don’t get too excited. It’s impossible to go right now,“** Finn chimed in, stepping forward to come and stand next to Poe. **“The weather is too good right now. They would see you coming from miles away. We have to wait a few weeks for the snowstorm season to start before we send you all there. So, for now, you’re gonna prepare. Poe and Skylen will lead training missions to get you used to Hoth’s particular climate. Most of you have never been there, and it’s pretty… Kriffing cold.“**  
Laughter rippled across the group and Y/N smiled. Yes. Hoth was a frozen hell. She had never stepped foot on the planet, but she had flown over it, and it was pretty inhospitable. They were right to train them. Although Y/N had no doubts that every single pilot in this room was more than capable of handling themselves, additional training wouldn’t hurt. She, for one, was glad for the extra courses. The last thing she wanted was for the mission to go south from lack of preparation, and she wasn’t so confident in her abilities to fly with low visibility.   
  
**“You’re awfully proud of how you got the Senator to talk, huh?“** She heard Poe whispering to Finn as the pilots talk among themselves. Finn chuckled.  
**“Obviously. I’m actually very proud of the fact that I got him to talk and you couldn’t. You’re supposed to be the smooth talker, not me.“**  
Poe groaned, annoyed, and his friend laughed. Y/N observed the two of them as they continued to bicker. Their friendship was heartwarming to see, and she found herself staring with a smile on her face. Poe’s gaze suddenly went to her and their eyes met. He gave her one of his infamous smirks and winked. The pilot turned bright pink and rolled her eyes for lack of knowing what else to do. His low chuckle came to her ears and it made her turn Sith red. Poe had the uncanny ability to make her feel either really relaxed or incredibly ill-at-ease. This time, it was the latter rather than the former, to her dismay. She was pretty cold-blooded, most of the time, at least, but Poe had her confidence vanishing with a flutter of his long eyelashes. His confidence was disarming. She wasn’t used to such a solar personality, even after a week.  
  
Poe clapped in his hands to draw the attention back to him and everyone fell quiet at the same time.  
**“We will talk about it more before we depart for Hoth, but I’m briefing you quickly now so you know what to expect: we will form two groups. Most of you will fly around the planet, far from their radars. You will scan the surface for any movement and point us toward it. I will lead the team on the ground. Y/N, you know the inner infrastructure of the bases better than anyone. You will fly with me.“**  
Wait.  
What?   
He was right, her job had opened doors that were usually closed for the rest of the First Orders soldiers, and she knew secrets most people didn’t, but there was a difference between having intel and being sent on a one-on-one mission with THE leader of the pilots.  
Her smile had instantly vanished as everyone stared at her, Poe included. He seemed curious to see her reaction.   
Talk about putting pressure on her shoulders.  
  
She forced her body to relax and put on a neutral expression that probably wouldn’t fool Klana, Skylen or Poe. She gave him a short nod.  
**“Understood, General.“**  
He hummed, seemingly pleased, and went on to list what they could be looking for; droids, metal scraps, weather stations. As he spoke, Klana subtly took a step forward until she was directly standing next to her friend. Her eyes still on Poe, she leaned to the side and whispered:  
**“You look a little pale. You okay?“**  
**“We will talk later,“** she whispered back.   
No, she wasn’t okay! Why had he told her that NOW?! Of course, it was an incredible opportunity, but one Y/N was extremely worried to blow. She suddenly felt underprepared. She needed to take flight strategy lessons! Oh, how about a crash course on how to fix your ship in the extreme cold?! And some special courses on low visibility flight and mechanical constricts on X-Wings in an ice-cold environment, and-  
_CLAP!_  
**“Great! Get some rest, we take off at dawn tomorrow morning. Commander Lightring will lead the operation on Manaan. I want Green squadron to train in overworld scans in a hostile environment. Blue squadron will go to Cona. You’re all dismissed. See you on the landing strip bright and early. Y/N, stay for a moment.“**  
  
Great.  
As the room slowly cleared and soldiers walked out, whispering excitedly to one another, Skylen clapped Y/N’s back and mumbled — more like shouted, he wasn’t a very quiet man:  
**“Once he is done grilling you, come meet Klan’ and I at the cafeteria, if you’re still alive, okay?“**  
She hit him as he walked away, cackling. He was so not helping.  
**“Y/N. A word outside? If the communication officers hear me talk any longer, they’re gonna kick me out.“**  
Poe had popped by her side, and although he had most probably heard Skylen’s comment, he graciously kept himself from commenting on it. His face was serious, but his tone still light, which gave hope to Y/N that he wasn’t going to grill her on the spot.  
**"Of course, General."**  
  
For once, he didn’t comment on the use of his title and Y/N followed him outside. The hallway was empty, save for the droid that had spilled some soapy water the last time they had seen him. Poe walked further down the hall until he was far enough from the doors of the control room so that they wouldn’t open accidentally. He then turned to his pilot with the hint of a smile on his face and his arms crossed on his chest. He looked more well-rested than the day prior — which was a complete mystery considering how little sleep he must have had gotten during the night — and, more than anything, more relaxed. Y/N liked to think it was partially because of their talk.  
**"I want to reassure you, Y/N,"** he started without missing a beat. **"I am going to make sure you are perfectly trained to ensure this mission will be a total success. It must go well. This is the most serious lead on a potential separatist base we’ve had since the war ended and the Senate is interested in seeing how we’re gonna handle it.“**  
Ah, yes. Political pressure. A real delight.  
  
Y/N nodded. She knew Poe would do his best to get her ready. And if she was being honest, she was slightly proud of the fact that she was trusted again with important missions. There were many things she could criticize about her experience in the First Order, but she had to give credit where credit was due; she had gotten the opportunity to go on exciting missions and sharpen her skills.  
**“I know,“** she simply answered. Poe hummed and glanced down at his commlink. When he looked back at her, he still wasn’t smiling.  
**“Get some rest. After the night you’ve had, you need it. Did you go to the medical ward for a check-up?“**  
No.  
**“Uh-uh.“**  
He cocked one eyebrow but said nothing, and Y/N didn’t say anything either. _Technically_ , she hadn’t lied to him since she hadn’t said anything.  
**“See you at six tomorrow, Y/N.“**  
And with that, he left, going back to the control room.  
  
The pilot watched him as the doors closed behind him and a frown made its way on her face. He hadn’t touched her arm like he usually did or given her one of his bright smiles. Was the pressure from the Senate troubling him so much? She didn’t know, but something felt off. He wasn’t his usual, tactile — and smiling — self.   
Ah, well. Now, he knew he could talk to her. She couldn’t force him to open up.  
With one last look at the doors he had disappeared behind, she walked away, off to meet with Skylen and Klana to discuss their next mission.  
  
————————  
  
**“I’m SO HAPPY FOR YOU!“**  
Klana’s loud shriek earned her a loud hush from Y/N, a boisterous laugh from Skylen and several, annoyed looks from the other soldiers sitting in the room. But she ignored all three of them, leaning forward to grab Y/N’s hands in hers instead.  
**“This is such a great opportunity! I’m sure you’re so excited! This is your chance to prove yourself worthy as you said.“**  
Y/N groaned loudly. She was right, of course, but…  
**“You didn’t have to voice my lack of self-confidence out loud, Klana,“** she mumbled, but the curly-haired pilot swept her concerns away with a flick of her wrist as Skylen leaned forward conspiringly.  
**“She is right, you know. It’s a good opportunity. Some people wait for years to get, sometimes. LIKE THAT ASSHOLE TARSEN,“** he added, almost shouting the last part as the said pilot walked past the door. He flipped Skylen off as Y/N shushed him.  
**“Are you crazy?! Be quiet, you Rancor!“**  
**“What? You’re going on a solo mission with Poe Dameron, and I’ll shout it from the moon if I have to.“**  
  
She froze and stared at him in panic.  
**“Oh, Maker, please don’t. I’m terrified enough as it is.“**  
Klana frowned and squeezed her hand in support. Y/N squeezed back. As usual, the woman was very observant and had probably picked up on her fear when they were being briefed.  
**“Hold on,“** Skylen interrupted, running a hand on his long beard. **“Let’s get back to the part where you said you’re scared. What are you afraid of? You should be excited! People would kill to be in your shoes! And I mean that quite literally, please close your door tonight.“**  
Klana hit him under the table, glaring daggers at him as he bumped his knee on the table, spilling some of his coffee.  
**“That’s not funny, you idiot!“**  
He mumbled an apology he probably didn’t mean and their banter made Y/N smile. They weren’t helping, but their constant bickering always seemed to calm her nerves.  
**“Okay, but seriously, what are you afraid of? You’re kriffing fast,“** Skylen added, frowning. **“I mean, I get it, Hoth sucks ass. But you’ve seen worse in your career, I’m sure of it.“**  
  
Y/N bit her lip, a habit she seemed to have picked up from Poe, as she thought about it. She knew they were going to make fun of her, but at this moment, she didn’t really care. She needed to talk to someone.  
**“Well. Hoth isn’t the issue. I mean, it’s part of it, definitely, but that’s not the main problem. I just… I just don’t want to disappoint anyone, you know?“**  
As she had expected, her two friends shared a knowing look and Skylen smirked.  
**“Suuuure. And by ‘anyone’, you mean Poe, right?“**  
Y/N exaggeratedly rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t exactly say no, either, because he was right.  
**“Yes. He is the one offering me that opportunity. And even more importantly, he is trusting me with the mission. I can’t let him down by screwing up.“**  
Again, they shared a glance, and Klana let out a giggle. Y/N’s head snapped in her direction and she squinted in annoyance.  
**“I swear if you say anything-“**  
**“I won’t, I promise!“** The pilot immediately said, throwing her hands up in defense. Her smile hadn’t left her face, though, and it annoyed Y/N to no end.  
  
**“Well, I didn’t promise anything so I’m just gonna say it,“** Skylen interrupted, leaning on his side against the metallic table, elbow on the table and a shit-eating grin on his face. **“I think it’s _adorable_ how you’re trying to have his approval. You’re cute with your cru- OW, THAT WAS MY KNEE! SERIOUSLY? That’s the second time in less than five minutes!“** He complained, his tone going from playful to downright offended.  
**“If you don’t want to make it three, I suggest you shut the kriff up, Skylen!“**  
He laughed and Y/N sulked even more as he went on to ‘imitate’ her and Poe. Truth be told, she wasn’t as offended as she pretended to be. It made her smile to see them have fun, even if they were laughing at her. It wasn’t malicious or out of cruelty. They were messing around, and if it made them laugh, then so be it.  
**“Seriously, though. You have nothing to be worried about!“** Klana piped in. **“Follow his instructions, fly as you normally would, be mindful of your surroundings. Be the pilot you are. You might need to adjust your technique a bit, but nothing too dramatic. There is, objectively, nothing to be worried about.“**  
  
Once again, she was right. She usually was. Y/N was putting unnecessary pressure on her shoulders. Even worse, it could jeopardize the mission, because being stressed about making a good impression would take her focus away from the main goal: completing the task at hand.  
She promised herself she would try and be confident in her skills, or at least, fake it until she made it. The best way she could prove her worth was by being the best version of herself she knew she could be.  
  
——————————  
  
That had been nearly three weeks earlier.  
Things had drastically changed in that time.  
Finn had been clear, they had to wait for the next big storms. After some careful calculations and precise observations, it had been decided that they would leave for Hoth twenty days after they had come back from Coruscant.   
During these almost full three weeks, Poe had set up various missions to sharpen different skills for the upcoming mission. He wasn’t leaving any detail to fate, and, for someone who was hot-headed, he surely knew how to be a meticulous planner as well. Something he had, undoubtedly, learned from General Organa.  
Y/N had taken off for the first mission with determination, Skylen and Klana’s words still echoing in her head. She was determined to be focused on nothing else but her flight. Not her doubts, her fear, or her wish to prove herself. Nothing but the joystick between her hands and the various objects floating around in space.  
  
The first mission had been on Cona, a deserted planet that reminded her of Tatooine. Poe had taken them there to remind them if the safety rules regarding particles ’trailing’ behind them as they flew. Indeed, flying low picked up some dirt and dust and deposited it in the air in little clouds that were anything but discreet.  
Although the snow was lighter than sand, Poe had said, it was still a great way to train for this issue, and they had spent the day scanning the planet while also improving their stealth.  
Y/N had been pretty satisfied with her run that day, and she had felt way more confident when she had landed her ship, thanking the mech droid and knocking on the hull before she had made her way down to the ground. Once her tight helmet had been lifted off and her ponytail had been freed from its prison, she had gone back to the rest of her squad, laughing with Mara who was slowly warming up to her. With her Starbird helmet under the arm, she had stood around, debriefing with her fellow pilots, when Poe had interrupted their talk.  
**“Good job, everyone. You did great today.“**  
And then, once again, he had brought Y/N farther away from their coworkers and had told her:  
**“Be careful of one thing; the shape of the X-Wing is very different from the one of the TIE fighters. Its main body is way larger, which means it picks up more dust as the contact surface is bigger. Avoid flying as low as you usually would, okay?“**  
Y/N had thanked him for the advice, taking notes. It was a good one, and Poe knew the size of the ships better than anyone else.   
  
And then, he had left with only a small smile and no pat on the shoulder, leaving Y/N perplex yet again. She had shrugged it off once more, writing his behavior off as a result of some General-related issues she didn’t know about.  
But things had gotten worse.  
As they went out on more missions, Poe made more comments. And even though Y/N was always happy to learn, especially from a seasoned pilot, she couldn’t help but feel like something was off. Poe wasn’t his usual, joking self. He was still messing around with his squad, but his debriefings were always pretty… factual.  
She wasn’t sure she had heard him be encouraging on other occurrences than the ones where he congratulated the team as a whole.  
And it wasn’t such an issue - Y/N wasn’t doing her job to be praised. But the fact that he was now treating her almost like a stranger, only pointing out her mistakes in a neutral tone that was nothing like his usual, warm one caused her newly-found confidence to melt. What had she done wrong? Days before, they were sharing stories and a drink on Coruscant, and he had opened up to her. And now, this?   
  
She was probably overreacting. When she had asked Klana about it, even her observant friend had frowned.  
**“What do you mean, acting weird? Did he say something out of the ordinary? I haven’t noticed anything bizarre…“**  
And since Klana couldn’t see it, well, she probably was imagining it. Y/N didn’t have exceptionally sharp people skills, that was a fact, so she would trust her friends on this one.  
And then, it had gotten worse.  
When she had initially been confused by Poe’s sudden change of behavior (though he wasn’t unfriendly, just very… unlike his usual self), she was now growing more and more frustrated. One day, after they had gotten back from a mission on Jedha, a deserted moon that looked literally like hell, the whole team had landed on Kuat with exhaustion looming over them and serious headaches. Jedha had been partially blown away during the war, and the whole zone was filled with dangerous flying pieces of rock, shipwrecks, and an overall gloomy ambiance. Not the greatest place in the Galaxy and the mission had taken a toll on everyone. Not many words had been exchanged upon landing.  
Except, of course, the usual remarks Poe was now a specialist of.   
**“You have to fly closer to the objects. Use the shape of the ship as an advantage.“**  
Y/N bit back a comment that had been burning her tongue. First, because if she had flown closer, she would have crashed since there must have been a meter maximum between her ship and the damn rock. And second, because Poe had already told her that, had she had already adapted to follow his advice.  
  
The long day and exhausting mission had properly destroyed whatever was left of her filter.  
**“General. Is there a problem?“**  
She had asked the question without any anger or even annoyance in her voice. It was a very matter-of-factly tone she had used, but it was obvious she wasn’t joking. Y/N had put down her helmet on a random cart, running after Poe before standing her ground in front of him, arms crossed and eyebrows raised. He had looked surprised, which was the most expressive she had seen him in a while when they were alone.  
**“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Can you be more specific?“**  
Again, it wasn’t his usual way of speaking, nor was he reacting like he usually would have. Y/N swallowed her frustration and shrugged.  
**“I don’t know. You tell me.“**  
  
They stared at each other for a moment. She was making it clear she saw through his bullshit and knew something wasn’t right. It was his chance to come clean about everything.  
He didn’t.  
**“Nothing’s wrong, Y/N.“**  
He had taken a step forward to walk around her, but then stopped right by her side. Y/N hadn’t moved an inch, too annoyed at him for not acknowledging such a blatant issue. He had turned his head toward her and smiled softly.  
**“You did well today. Don’t forget it.“**  
And then, for the first time in weeks, he had squeezed her shoulder before disappearing inside the base.  
Y/N had found out she had missed the little gesture, something that had pissed her off even more.   
But things had gone back to normal, so he must have had something on his mind. A temporary issue, perhaps. And she thought she had imagined it once again.  
She hadn’t.  
  
Sure enough, things had gone back to their new normal. Here and there, Poe graced her with a smile, giving her enough of them to make her think things hadn’t changed.  
Which confused her even more.  
So much more, that she had brought the subject up with Finn himself during their training, one day. Because another one of the reasons why Y/N was worried was that Poe had bailed on her for their training sessions.  
She knew he was busy, and he had said as much himself when she had asked him about it, and she was grateful for Finn’s help since he had excitedly offered to take Poe’s place for the time being. It didn’t mean she wasn’t worried. The pilot had been the one to offer to train her to begin with.  
  
Finn, nevertheless, was a great teacher. He had decided to train her in target practice, something that greatly amused Y/N. She hadn’t said anything about it as she didn’t want to sound ungrateful, but the irony of the situation hadn’t escaped her.  
They had met for the third time in the secluded training room, in which the dust had simply disappeared from using the equipment. At that particular moment, Finn and Y/N were at the shooting range, working on her quick shots. She was a relatively decent shooter, as she had proved to Poe, but aiming accurately while also being fast wasn’t her forte.  
And it was even less easy to hit the bullseye when her head was kilometers away from the range.  
During the last five minutes, she had missed every single shot. And although Y/N wasn’t one to get discouraged easily, her frustration was reaching new heights, fueled by the lingering one caused by Poe’s mysterious behavior.  
  
**“Okay,“** Finn had said, startling the woman. **“We’re going to take a break, and you’re gonna tell me what’s wrong.“**  
She put her gun back in the holster on her thigh and bit the inside of her cheek, weighing her options. She knew Finn wouldn’t tell Poe anything should she vent to him, but she didn’t want to make things awkward for him by putting him in the middle of a conflict she had no idea what was the origin off.  
**“A stormtrooper is teaching me how to shoot. Excuse me while I laugh at the irony,“** she chose to say instead. It was true, to some extent, and it made Finn laugh loudly.  
**“Wow. I’m offended. More so at the fact that you’re lying to me than that you’re laughing at my shooting skills.“**  
  
Ah.  
Kriff.  
He hadn’t looked offended, rather concerned. Leaning against the protective screen separating the two shooting stands, Finn had his arms crossed on his chest and a curious look on his face.  
**"Come on. It’s obvious something’s bothering you, and you’re leaving tomorrow for your last mission before Hoth. Might as well tell someone about it, huh?“**  
He had been right, once again. Y/N had let out a sigh, looking around for some support she knew she wouldn’t find.   
**“I…“**  
She had licked her lips, finally looking at Finn.  
**“Is Poe okay?“**  
  
Finn had stared at her blankly for a solid ten seconds before chuckling.  
**“Okay. I was not expecting that question.“**  
Y/N had chuckled as well, mainly because she hadn’t expected to ask it.   
**“Can you be a little bit more specific? Because there’s always something up with Poe.“**  
She had then proceeded to tell him everything. What she had noticed, what she had deduced, what everyone had told her, what she was convinced to know. Finn, true to his words, had listened intently, frowning here and there. When the woman was finally done, she had felt truly relieved of the weight on her shoulders.  
And even more so when the General, after mulling over her words for a moment, had said:  
**“I’ve noticed it, too.“**  
For the first time in the past weeks, Y/N had smiled.   
  
**“I didn’t say anything because I was so sure it was linked to the mission. But Poe is never stressed out about any mission. I’ve seen this guy run to the battlefield without a care in the world, fly through war zones with a smile on his face and stare Death in the eye. I don’t understand what’s up with him, Y/N. But even though he is my friend, I can’t tell you to be worried about him right now. You have a huge mission coming up. You need to be focused. After you’re back from Hoth, you can confront him. I’ll lock him in a room for you if that’s what it takes.“**  
They had both laughed and Y/N had nodded. Yes, he was right. She needed to be focused.  
So she had picked up her gun again and started working on her shooting skills under Finn’s attentive gaze.  
  
————————  
  
_**“Y/N, you here?“**_  
Skylen’s voice cracked up in her commlink as they got out of hyperspace, and she got out of her thoughts. The memories of the past few days had occupied her thoughts during the boring hyperspace jump to their last destination of the month before Hoth.  
Kashyyyk.  
The ghosts of her past were hovering over her as the planet came into sight and she squashed her daydream away. It was a very green planet, covered with high trees and vast oceans. The climate was nice, and although it was fairly dangerous to go there alone since Wookies weren’t the friendliest of creatures, it was still a beautiful planet.  
One that had seen many horrors during the war.   
As Blue squad and Green squad started descending toward the surface, the ships’ wings spread out in their infamous 'X' shape to slow their fall down, Y/N couldn’t help but think about the last time she had been here.  
Years ago.  
On a mission for the First Order.  
If she closed her eyes tight enough, she could see the battle unfold in front of her eyes.  
It was a beautiful planet, but it was also the graveyard that housed her lost innocence.  
  
She didn’t even understand why they were here. Kashyyyk was nothing like Hoth. It was a warm, lively, dense planet, not some sort of frozen hell. But Poe had explained to them the day before that the fog, ever-so-present in the planet’s dense jungles, was a good substitute for Hoth’s blizzards.  
So, here they were.  
_**“Look alive, squads,“**_ Poe’s voice said in her ear as they reached the top of the trees and adjusted their trajectory. _**“Let’s make this quick so we can go back to the base and take the rest of the day off. We’re gonna have a look around the fog. Watch out for the trees.“**_  
And off they went. The fog was dense, that much was true, and they had to rely on their radars more than on their eyes. The commlinks were quiet and everyone was focused, maybe more so on the upcoming mission the day after than on the current one. Y/N was, at least, until the frequency was activated again.  
_**“Black Leader, I’m getting something on the scan,“**_ Klana said. _**“The signature of several starships, coming in our direction.“**_  
  
That wasn’t unusual, but something told Y/N that it wasn’t just a bunch of transport ships.  
_**“What is their codename?“**_ Poe asked, undoubtedly alert, too.  
A heavy silence was the only answer he got. Klana’s sigh could be heard through her commlink and Y/N frowned, helplessly looking around to spot her friend through the thick fog. But she could barely see the tips of her wings, let alone her fellow squad members.  
_**“They’re Imperial ships. TIEs. I’m getting a reading on their ID… It’s strange. TIEs usually don’t have names…“**_  
Y/N’s blood ran cold.  
  
Anxiety crept up under her skin as warnings flashed in her mind, red and yellow lightbulbs turning on and off at a dizzying speed. She almost ripped the commlink off her helmet as she went to grab it.  
**“Green three. What’s their reading?“**  
_**“… I.F.W-5, Blue Five.“**_  
She cursed loudly.  
She knew that codename.  
Hers had been I.F.W-1.  
  
Hate, anger, fear, adrenaline was propelled through her system as her cardiac rhythm picked up like crazy.  
This couldn’t be.  
This just couldn’t be…  
**“Black Leader, one of them is an ex 204th ship,“** she stated matter-of-factly, even though she knew Poe could sense the burning hatred in her words.  
Her blood was boiling as the blinking dots got closer and closer. They couldn’t see them, but Y/N knew they could pick the X-Wings’ signals on their radars, too. Her grip tightened on the joystick as she remembered her former team. I.F.W-5, short for Imperial Fighting Wing - fifth fighter, had been the codename of a soldier she hated and who hated her. One that had gone above and beyond to track her down after she had deserted. His name had been replaced by resentment, and she couldn’t, for the life of her, remember who he was. All she could think about was that he was everything she despised in the First Order; cold, cruel, harsh, brainwashed.  
Now, there was a good chance that the ship had just been stolen and that the person flying it was not her ex subordinate.  
But Y/N had a bad feeling about it.  
  
Poe’s voice, as usual, interrupted her thinking.  
_**“We need to get back into orbit. They’ve spotted us. They’re gonna attack, and I don’t want a fight so close to the treehouses. Green leader, we’re splitting up. Blue squad, follow me. Everyone, get ready, fighting formation.“**_  
The X-Wings jumped upward, taking off at full speed toward the sky and the vastness of space. As soon as they got out of the fog, Y/N looked around, but only saw her friends flying around her, sufficiently far away from one another to not take anyone down with them should they be hit during the battle.  
But no sign of the ships tailing them.   
They hadn’t disappeared from her radar, though. And Y/N had the strange feeling they were being played with, much like a game of loth cat and mouse.   
Who was the mouse and who was the loth cat in this scenario was still up for discussion.  
  
When they finally made it to space, Y/N could feel the tension even hundreds of meters apart from her fellow pilots. Poe’s orange and black X-Wing was the closest to hers, and she could easily picture him with his gaze deadly focused on the surface of the planet. Skylen’s squadron was nowhere to be seen, but Y/N knew they were just a little further away, ready to strike and catch the enemy ships in the crossfire if needed.  
Ten, twenty, thirty seconds went by before they finally caught sight of the ships tailing them. Six TIEs, in fighting formation.  
Standard 204th fighting formation, could she add.  
She knew.  
She just knew.  
  
_**“This is General Poe Dameron of the Republic Alliance speaking. You are trespassing on a civilian zone with warships. This is a violation of the peace treaty of the New Republic. Vacate the perimeter or we will be forced to take you down.“**_  
Poe’s voice crackled through the commlink on the general radiofrequency. The threat in his voice wasn’t even thinly veiled; it was glaringly obvious he wasn’t joking, not for a second. But no answer came.  
By the time he was done with his warning, the TIEs squadron had reached their level and the two sides were facing each other, neither of them making the first move.   
But Y/N’s eyes were focused on one ship in particular.  
One whose wings had one of their spokes painted bright red.  
She snarled, suddenly grateful to be alone in the cockpit so nobody could see her.   
_**“Blue five. One of these guys was in your squad, correct? I need you to rattle them. We can’t open fire freely. They need to shoot first.“**_  
Oh, Poe wanted her to piss the guy off? She kriffing would.  
**“With pleasure, Black Leader.“**  
Right before she changer her frequency to the general one, she mumbled to her droid:  
**“BB-6, I need you to direct all of the energy toward the front shield and the reactors. And buckle up.“**  
  
Y/N took a deep breath before turning her commlink on.  
**“This is Y/N Thunderbird of the Republic Alliance. This is your last warning. Vacate the area or we will open fire.“**  
She closed the communication and waited.  
She waited.  
Maybe she was wrong. Maybe it wasn’t-  
_**“Well, well, well. Look at what we’ve got here. We looked for you in the whole kriffing Galaxy and I finally find you here, on Kashyyyk. Long time no see, Captain. Looks I’ll finally get the chance to finish the job and send you back to hell.“**_  
  
At that moment, two things happened.  
Poe’s voice crackled again, shouting orders. Y/N heard every single one of them.  
For Skylen to get out of hiding, for everyone to prepare for battle, for BB-8 to turn on his deflectors.  
For his squadron to stay in position.  
But, at the same time, Y/N’s brain completely disconnected. And, somehow, Poe knew.  
_**“Blue five, keep your position.“**_  
But she couldn’t.  
She wouldn’t.  
**“I’m sorry, Black Leader.“**  
_**“Y/N, stay the KRIFF where you are, that is an ORDER-“**_  
  
She turned off his frequency.   
If she got out of that fight alive, she was sure Poe was going to kill her himself. But she couldn’t think about that right now. Instead, she turned the general frequency on.  
**“You want me? Then come and get me, you son of a bitch.“**  
Her engines roared to life at full power as she bolted to the side, heading for the asteroid field. The TIE zoomed forward, close on her heels as all hell broke loose around them, X-Wings scattering around under enemy fire.   
She addressed a quick prayer to the Maker for the safety of her friends right as she entered the field, red energy bolts missing her cockpit by a hair.  
  
This part of space was littered with space rocks and various shipwrecks, charred cockpits floating around in the vast emptiness.  
Some of them probably belonged to ships Y/N had blown up the last time she had been here.  
But she hadn’t come back here to reminisce.  
She was here because she had the upper hand. Y/N knew that asteroid field like the back of her hand. It had been a while, but if there was one battle she had been in that she remembered more than any other, it was that one.  
The miraculous shot.  
Maybe she would get lucky twice.  
  
**“BB-6, can you see him?“** Y/N asked, expertly avoiding the space rocks gravitating around her. The asteroid field was dense, which caused both her radar and her eyes to struggle to catch a glimpse of the ship on her trail. Adrenaline was roaring through her whole body, drowning out the fear of being blown to pieces. The droid beeped negatively and Y/N clenched her teeth, flying deeper and deeper in the field, where the rocks were huddled even closer together.   
Suddenly, a loud shriek filled the cockpit and Y/N sent her ship tumbling to the side, narrowly avoiding a direct hit to her cockpit. The shot hit an asteroid the size of a droid and it burst out in millions of pieces.  
Well, that could have been her head.  
**“Full power to the rear deflectors. And don’t lose sight of him.“**  
The TIE was closing on her, which was exactly what she wanted. It was becoming almost impossible for any of them to go forward.  
Except Y/N’s ship was much slimmer than a TIE.  
  
She turned the wings of the X-Wing, flying vertically and avoiding a collision with a particularly big space rock.   
**“Come on, come on…“** she mumbled to herself, eyes focused in front of her.  
And finally, an opening.   
The hallway-like huddle of asteroids suddenly took a left turn and Y/N pushed her X-Wing forward in the opening, making a U-turn at an impossible speed. The tip of her wings grazed against the rocks and she gritted her teeth, shouting words of encouragement to both her ship and herself as she yanked the joystick as hard as she could. The engines roared, the droid beeped and alarms went off in the cockpit, warning Y/N about the proximity with the asteroids.   
**“COME ON!“** She shouted as the ship gave its all. Rocks hit her cockpit, bumping against the transparisteel canopy, but she narrowly avoided hitting the side of the asteroid tunnel at full speed.  
Finding herself directly facing the TIE who couldn’t follow her through the narrow space.  
**“Gotcha.“**  
She unleashed the full power of her proton torpedo launchers, clearing a path in front of her before making laser cannons’ shots rain on the ship. The other pilot barely avoided a direct hit to his cockpit, but Y/N’s shots nicked his left wing.  
**“EAT THAT, SUCKER! Let’s see how fast you can fly, now, heh?!“**  
  
Understanding that Y/N had him trapped, the TIE pilot changed his tactics and went up, trying to hit the X-Wing from above.  
If he beat her to it, she was dead.  
**“Oh no you don’t,“** she hissed, tilting the joystick toward her as the ship zoomed upward too, wings clasping together to reach the cruising speed.   
X-Wings were incredibly fast, even more so than TIEs, especially TIEs with a hit to their wings. As the fusal thrust engines gave their all, Y/N beat her ex-pilot to it, making it out of the field a split second before he did.  
Without the protection of the asteroids, she was left unprotected and the other pilot took the opportunity to fire. The X-Wing, its wings now extended, narrowly dodged the hits as Y/N slalomed in the vastness of space, zigzagging at full speed. She needed to get behind him to have a chance to shoot him down-  
The whole ship shook and alarms pierced her ears as a hit got her nose cone, tearing it apart and leaving a charred piece of metal behind. Y/N cursed loudly as her radar all but shut down.  
**“Kriff, I’m flying blind.“**  
The droid’s head disappeared inside the guts of the ship as he did his best to fix the hit. It was a lost cause, however, and Y/N didn’t have time to get frustrated over the damage in the paint job.  
What caused her to curse again was the realization that she couldn’t see him anymore. It was now or never.  
  
She sent her ship up, flying vertically, away from the planet she could see underneath her. The TIE followed suit, as the droid told her.  
Perfect.  
Y/N slowed down ever-so-slightly, letting the other ship catching up to her a bit. He was still shooting, aiming for her cockpit. Y/N did what she could to avoid being shot on the spot, but her main concern was to get him aligned in her trail, not directly behind her, slightly to the side so she could-  
Alarms blared again and an alarming amount of smoke erupted from behind her. Y/N craned her neck back to the best of her abilities.  
**“What the heck did he hit?!“** She asked, eyes moving from the translating screen back to the empty field in front of her.  
The answer came quickly as the droid extinguished the flames.  
_Central wiring compartment hit. There is a short circuit disabling all of the electronic aids._  
All of the-  
Ah, kriff.  
**“Are the deflectors still in working condition?“** she asked as she avoided another hit. **“And the wings’ opening mechanism?“**  
The answer was an affirmative one and Y/N sighed in relief. She still could win that fight.  
**“Okay. Then do what you can to direct the remaining power to the deflectors and my engines. And as soon as I tell you to, redirect everything to my laser cannons. Including the power from the deflectors.“**  
The droid beeped quizzically and Y/N laughed as she swerved right.  
**“What I’m gonna do? Something really dumb that hopefully won’t get us both blown up.“**  
  
In her peripheral vision, she could see a blinking dot, telling her somehow was trying to contact her — most likely Poe. But she didn't have time to reassure him. She had to act fast. With her sensors down and her radar out of order, she didn’t know how much longer she could avoid being hit.  
**“Here goes everything.“**  
She took a deep breath to clear her mind and made her move.  
  
In a split second, she killed her engines, snapped the wings shut and made the engines roar back to life at full power, but backward, this time. The ship zoomed down at full speed and the sudden change of direction hit her like a Bantha with full strength, the G-force crushing her ribs and knocking the air out of her lungs hard enough to cause stars to appear behind her eyelids.  
The X-Wing backed up with the full power of its four fusial thrust engines and in two seconds, Y/N found herself behind the TIE.  
**“NOW!“** She shouted, and her deflectors turned off to give full power to the cannons. They crackled with energy as Y/N stopped the X-Wing in its ‘fall’ and took aim with the manual scope.  
_Don’t fail me now, Kashyyyk luck._  
**“Say hello to the devil for me, bastard.“**  
She fired.  
  
Her two torpedos hit the left wing and the cockpit, and the TIE fighter blew up, orange flames ravaging the ship as Y/N screamed at the top of her lungs. Her hands were shaking and her head was buzzing with the sudden lack of oxygen she had suffered from for a second, but she didn’t care. She was grinning like a crazy person under her helmet as the scope went back to its original place. Her heart was threatening to break her ribcage.  
One down.  
Although she was exhilarated to have completed her task, she knew it wasn’t the time to be overcome with joy. Her friends were still out there, engaged in a vicious dogfight with the rest of the enemy squadron, and she wasn’t about to leave them alone longer than necessary.  
Taking one last look at the glowing shrapnel of what was left of the infamous TIE fighter, she turned around and flew at full speed toward her squadron.  
  
When she got back to the group after a few seconds, she turned her commlink back on just in time to hear Skylen bark an order. Without thinking, she opened her mic and said back:  
**“Duck, Green leader.“**  
Skylen snorted in surprise but did as he was told and his ship dropped downward, leaving a clear shot to Y/N who blew up the last of the TIEs.  
As she flew through the remains of the ship, she allowed herself to catch a break and slowed her X-Wing down as both squadrons came together. A wave of relief crashed on her when she realized none of them had been severely hit. Everyone was alive.  
_**“KRIFF YEAH, THUNDERBIRD, I KNOW YOU COULD DO IT!“**_  
Y/N laughed loudly as her heartbeat slowly calmed down. Ecstatic screams filled the frequency as the pilots voiced their happiness to be alive.   
But from the corner of her eyes, Y/N saw something approaching.  
A black and orange X-Wing.  
She was screwed.  
  
Poe stopped a few meters away from her, and although she couldn’t see his face because of his helmet and the stars’ reflection on his transparisteel canopy, she could feel him glaring at her.  
_**“Your ship has been hit, Blue Five. What’s your status?“**_  
Y/N ran a quick diagnostic with her droid and her finger hovered over the coming button, suddenly feeling anxious to talk to her leader. She licked her chapped lips, shook her head, and picked up his transmission.  
**“Nothing major, Black Leader. My landing gear is slightly faulty, my sensors are fried and the electronic aim was blown up, but that’s about it.“**  
_**“Is your hyperdrive intact?“**_  
She told him yes, and he didn’t add anything, ordering, instead, for Klana and Mara to quickly scan around and make sure nobody else was left.  
_**“How did you pull it up, Blue Five?“**_ Skylen’s excited voice crackled. **_“I saw you headed right for the asteroid field.“_**  
Y/N wanted nothing more but to excitedly share her fight with her former pilot, but she had a feeling Poe was annoyed enough as it was. Instead, she chose to tell him a quick summary and hope to still have a job by the time she had landed back on Kuat. She went on to tell him how she had led the TIE to a bottleneck in the asteroids, then flipped her ship around to open fire when he couldn’t follow. Then, she described how she had pulled a reverse card on the enemy pilot, blowing him up from behind. Skylen gave a boisterous laugh.  
_**“Kriffing Hell, Y/N. I’m glad you’re on our side. That was a smart move.“**_  
  
Congratulations came timidly from some of her fellow pilots, but Poe’s frequency was still dead silent until Klana and Mara came back from their scan.  
_**“The zone is clear, Black Leader.“**_  
_**“Then let’s jump into hyperspace. Follow me.“**_  
He turned his ship around as everyone entered the coordinates to Kuat. Right before he disappeared in a flash of white light, Y/N’s commlink crackled.  
_**“Blue Five, we will talk when we land.“**_  
And with that, he made his jump, leaving Y/N to follow suit with a feeling of worry in her chest.  
  
  
————————  
  
  
Y/N landed her ship with great difficulties on a free landing spot a dozen meters away from the rest of her squadron, barely avoiding knocking over a droid rushing to her assistance as the X-Wing dangerously tilted to the side. The engines were overheating, the alert lights in her cockpit were blinking like a Christmas tree and reports of errors came uninterrupted from her droid, who was telling her, panicked, “get out of here now“.  
He didn’t need to ask twice.  
The second she killed the engines, Y/N unclasped her security belts and smashed the button commanding the opening of the transparisteel canopy. The thing didn’t budge much, however, and the opening mechanism was surely jammed due to the short-circuit. With a curse, Y/N pushed it open herself, using her still helmeted head as a battering ram. With a grunt, she managed to lift herself out and made her way down the ladder that had been conveniently pushed by her side, jumping to the ground as mechanics rushed to the aid of her wounded ship.   
  
Only when she had been ushered a bit further away by one of the workers did she allow herself to relax a bit, wincing as they pulled the droid out of the mess she had made. With trained, but shaky fingers, she unclasped the helmet and handed it to a nearby cleaning droid.   
Her hair was sticking to her face due to the grease and the sweat that had accumulated during her fight. She was still shaking with adrenaline and was slowly coming down from her high, realizing what she had done.  
**“Dang, you sure did a number on her, huh?“**  
She jumped, startled, and turned to see Skylen walking toward her. The members of both squads were still landing but he had apparently just touched the ground. In the distance, his ship was looked at by a crew of mechanics. The X-Wing seemed in much better shape than hers, although Y/N was pretty sure that nasty burned gash on his left wing wasn’t there when they had taken off earlier that day.  
**“Yeah, yeah. It hit the wiring, messed the whole thing up. The astromech droid did what he could, but they need to open her up.“**  
  
Skylen cursed and joined his friend in her wincing. Behind them, a black and orange ship was landing.  
Poe’s.  
Welp.  
He was going to _murder_ her.  
  
**“You should get out of here while you can. Dameron is beyond pissed.“**  
Ah, so Skylen shared her opinion on her not-so-bright future, then. The temptation to follow his advice, run away and hide was great, but Y/N wasn’t a coward, and she knew that putting the argument off would only make things worse in the end.   
Y/N grimaced, trying to sound way more confident than she was.  
**“I’ll be fine.“**  
He snorted, looking at the General who was just coming out of the cockpit as BB-8 was lifted in the air by the mechanics.  
**“Well, it’s your funerals.“**  
Ah, so, it was _that_ bad.  
**“On a scale of one to ten, how badly am I screwed?“**  
Skylen seemed to think about it for a moment, eyes glued to the X-Wing. He ran a hand through his beard, that had engine oil in it - something that would usually make him go crazy.  
**“Judging by how angrily he is walking toward you? One hundred.“**  
  
Y/N followed Skylen’s example and looked to the side, only to find Poe indeed walking in her direction.  
Kriff.  
**“Well, you’re on your own for that one. I’ll give you a good eulogy. Nice to have known ya.“**  
**“Skylen, you kriffing-“** she started whisper-shouting as he promptly walked away, but the sounds of footsteps (very angry ones) closing on her made her shut up. She tensed as Poe appeared in her peripheral vision, he walked past her, ordering for her to follow, and she did without a single word. He led her away from the mechanics and coincidentally closer to Skylen’s ship.  
Poe stopped a meter away from her. Strangely enough, everyone seemed to have vacated the perimeter, eager to busy themselves to avoid witnessing the storm that was about to rage.  
Except for Skylen, but he was out of earshot anyway.  
**“What the KRIFFING HELL was that, Thunderbird?!“**  
  
Oh. He was _super_ mad.  
Y/N was pretty sure she had never heard him even remotely close to being so angry. He was furious. Somehow, he had kept his tone relatively even, a skill that probably came with his General handbook.  
It broke her heart slightly that it was her he was so mad at.  
But she had to stand her ground and she didn’t regret what she had done anyway. So, instead of cowering in fear, she turned toward him. His hazel eyes were dark with anger and his jaw was clenched so tightly it must have been a hair day from snapping.  
**“A direct hit to the central wiring compartment, General. The droid managed to bypass the short-circuit well enough to avoid most of the damage, though, so the ship will be fine.“**  
The way he rolled her eyes told her that playing dumb was NOT the right tactic.  
**“Don’t be a smartass with me, Y/N,“** he all but growled, anger giving more and more weight to his words. **“You know KRIFFING WELL what I’m referring to.“**  
She did.  
  
A quick look down told her that not even BB-8 was around to soften the blows. Oh, well, it didn’t matter. Poe was too riled up to listen to his droid anyway. And since he was burning a hole in the side of her head with how hard he was glaring, Y/N turned around to face him completely, arms crossed on her chest.   
**“I did what I had to, General. I saw an opportunity and I took it-“**  
**“No, what you did was go against DIRECT orders in a personal vendetta,“** Poe interrupted.   
_Technically_ , he _was_ right. But it didn’t mean _she_ wasn’t. She didn’t even understand why he was giving her such a hard time. Not only had she taken the pilot out, but she had also successfully managed to provide a distraction long enough for the rest of the squad to wipe the rest of them off the surface of the Galaxy.  
That was a win in her book.  
Why he was going off on her was beyond her.  
  
**“What was I supposed to do? Let him go?”** She all but angrily asked, arms outstretched to emphasize her point.  
**“No, you were supposed to follow the orders!”**  
Y/N huffed. So THAT was what it was all about, huh? Her, disobeying HIM? Not his order, but him?  
She made an effort to lower her voice a bit, not wanting to make a show out of their argument. He wouldn’t appreciate.  
**“Is that the issue? Me, disobeying you?“**  
Yes, she had said that with audible sarcasm to piss him off.  
Yes, it was _slightly_ childish.  
Yes, it worked.  
His eyes grew impossibly darker.  
**“The issue lies in you thinking you can do whatever the hell you want, whenever the hell you want, just because you feel like it. It ended well this time, but what about next time, huh? When you think you can just be a hero and do the ‘right thing’? What if someone dies? What if you die?“**  
  
She understood where he was coming from. She really did. Y/N would never forgive herself if anything happened to her friends.  
But protecting her friends had been the EXACT reason she had lured the pilot away, to begin with. Because once Poe had gotten her involved, he had placed a target on her back. Given the dog a bone that he had been trained to never let go.  
It was something she had to take care of herself.   
**“Oh, come one, spare me the moralizing speech,“** she said, giving him a humorless snort. **“You’re the LAST person on base who can lecture me about defying orders to do what’s right.“**  
Her anger was flaring up with every word she was getting out. It was getting increasingly more difficult to not go completely ballistic on him. He was still her superior. She couldn’t tell him off.  
  
**“This has NOTHING to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with you,“** he countered, pointing his index angrily at her while taking a step forward. He was now standing really close to her, directly in her personal space. And had Y/N been less angry, she would have certainly been slightly scared. Anger radiated off him and he was glaring daggers at her.  
But Y/N was at least as angry as he was — if not more — and her self-preservation instincts had been left behind on Kashyyyk’s orbit when her ship had zoomed forward.  
So, instead of being scared, she grew impossibly more aggravated.  
**“Of course, it’s _all_ me, huh. Can’t stand the fact that I made the right call.“**  
**“It doesn’t matter. It wasn’t your call to make.“**  
Words were flying between them like blaster shots on a battlefield. Y/N opened her mouth to clap back at him, but he beat her to it.  
**“This is not the First Order anymore, Y/N. You might have been used to doing whatever the hell you wanted for Kylo Ren, but he isn’t there. And you’re not giving the orders. I am. And I won’t close my eyes on your actions just because you’re part of my team.“**  
  
…What?  
What did he just say?  
Her eyes grew wide and her heart stopped beating for a second. Had he just…  
**“What you did was unacceptable. You are under my command, not your own.“**  
  
_**“You had NO RIGHT to do that! Who do you think you are?! I own you. I OWN YOU!“** Ren shouted as his lightsaber crackled to life, the humming red blade suddenly thrust forward in her direction. Y/N took several steps back as he walked forward until her back hit the wall. She was trembling with fear as the black mask came to face her and the heat of the lightsaber threatened to break her skin. It was merely a centimeter away from her throat, and Y/N was frozen with fear on the spot._  
  
**“Sure, it worked. It still doesn’t make it acceptable.“**  
  
**_“But I… I did it, I managed to capture the spy-“_**  
**_“I DON’T CARE!“_** _He roared, voice thundering out of his modulator, buzzing around the edges with the strength of his fury._ ** _“You went against MY direct order and almost blew your cover. What if anyone had found out where you have gotten your skills from? Do you REALIZE what you’ve done?!_**  
  
**“You’re reckless. That was dangerous.“**  
  
**_“You were reckless, and you are a fool.“_**  
  
**“You can’t do that again, Y/N.“**  
  
**_“Do that again, and you die. You’re lucky I still have a use for you or you’d be dead by now. But disappoint me again, and I will KILL YOU.“_**  
  
  
It took everything in her not to slap the hell out of him.  
But it felt like _she_ had just been the one hit in the face.  
He had _no right_ to say that.  
No right at all.  
Y/N clenched her fists and her jaw hard enough for her teeth to hurt, biting back the obscenity threatening to jump from her mouth. She was angry — no, scratch that. She was kriffing _livid_.  
Saying that was a low blow. And she didn’t deserve to have that kind of argument thrown in her face over the ONLY mistake she had made in the month and a half she had been part of the team.  
But was she even part of it?  
She felt betrayed, hurt, angry beyond words. So much for not blowing this chance up. Now, not only had she screwed up, but she had lost his trust.  
It seemed like she could never get her superiors to trust her abilities.  
The anger in her eyes was replaced by a flash of pain. If Poe noticed, he certainly didn’t show it.  
  
Y/N didn’t say anything for a moment. She was just staring at him in disbelief, shocked that he would go this far.  
**“Will that be all, _General Dameron_?“**  
She had exaggerated it so much that honorific title sounded like a mockery in her mouth, but Poe didn’t comment on it. Her voice had lost all of its anger and was so cold — colder than the frozen hell she was supposed to go to the following day — that she didn’t even recognize it. But it did seem to slightly dampen Poe’s enthusiasm to grill her on the spot a bit longer. He crossed his arms.   
**“Yes. You’re dismissed.“**  
She didn’t wait for him to change his mind and all but stomped away, bumping her shoulder with his with more force than she had intended, angry tears burning her eyes.  
His words were playing in her mind over and over again like a broken record. Maybe she deserved to be lectured, maybe what she had done was wrong.  
But he had hurt her, that was also true.  
And her mind kept replaying his words, followed by Ren’s, so many years before.  
Maybe some things couldn’t change, after all.  
  
  
  
**_“Well. That was painful to watch.”_**  
_Poe fumed silently for a little longer, watching Y/N storm off before he turned to Skylen. The pilot was leaning against the hull of the X-Wing, eyes trained on his friend’s silhouette and arms crossed on his chest. Poe sighed deeply._  
**_“How much did you hear?”_**  
_Skylen shrugged._  
**_“All of it. I didn’t mean to, but I was working on my ship right next to you and you were really loud anyway. You’re lucky nobody else was around. They all flew away, and they had the right idea.”_**  
_That was a relief, at least. Skylen might have enjoyed gossips but he was never malicious and wouldn’t tell everyone about what he had seen._  
_Poe was angry. At himself, at her for being reckless, at himself for letting her be so reckless._  
  
_Silence followed for a moment as Poe’s eyes remained glued to the door Y/N had disappeared through. After the adrenaline from the fight, the dose he had gotten from the argument was fueling his anger even more. He needed to take a walk to clear his mind because he was in a terrible mood._  
_But Skylen didn’t seem to care._  
**_“Can I give you my honest opinion, General?“_**  
_Poe snorted slightly._  
**_“When have you ever not given it to me.“_**  
_Skylen chuckled for a second but quickly quieted down as he walked toward his leader and stopped next to him, following his gaze and staring, too, at the door. He wiped his hands on his already dirty jumpsuit before crossing his arms on his chest._  
**_“That was a dick move.“_**  
  
_Well._  
_Poe had expected something along those lines._  
_He still didn’t like to hear it, though._  
_When he didn’t say anything and only groaned, Skylen raised both of his eyebrows._  
**_“I’m serious! Did you have to bring him up?”_**  
**_“Who?”_**  
_He had answered out of pure stubbornness. Of course, he knew who he meant._  
_**“You know exactly who, General,”** Skylen answered with an unimpressed look. Poe sighed. Did he have to? No, not really. It wasn’t so relevant to the point he had been making._  
_But he wasn’t about to admit it. He was still too angry — and stubborn — for that._  
_**“Yeah, well, she had to understand,”** he grumbled weakly instead, not quite finding his argument compelling. And Skylen wasn’t fooled by it either._  
_**“You could have explained it to her that without being an asshole,”** he said, matter-of-factly._  
_Poe didn’t have the strength to contradict him, mainly because he was right._  
  
_And, to his dismay, Skylen was not done._  
_Maybe he should have refused to hear his opinion._  
**_“She was right, you know. Don’t tell us you never did anything stupid.”_**  
_That was… Well…_  
_**“Not like that,“** he mumbled, which caused Skylen to snort loudly._  
**_“Oh really? How about the time you blew up the Dreadnaught?”_**  
_The smile in his voice was very much audible and it pissed Poe even more._  
**_“That’s not the same thing.”_**  
**_“Are you for real? And how come?”_**  
**_“I don’t know! It’s just not!”_**  
  
_He was angry again, now. He never had the best temper, and although he had gotten better at controlling it ever since Leia had made him General, he still was no Jedi. He still got angry quite often, and it was one of those times. Fortunately, Skylen seemed to take the hint._  
**_“She was looking forward to that mission, you know.“_**  
_Poe turned his head back toward the pilot, who seemed lost in his thoughts, eyes locked on a point in the distance. Mechanics were hard at work on Y/N’s wounded ship, and nobody seemed to be paying attention to them, which was a nice change._  
**_“She has been asking around about you for_ days** _ **. Noticed something was off with you. For someone who keeps telling us she has awful people skills, she is certainly really perceptive when it comes to you,“** he added innocently, and Poe blatantly ignored the innuendo. _  
_**“She did?“** He asked, even though he already knew the answer. It didn’t take a genius to figure out how it had confused the heck out of her. He was still surprised she had brought it up with others than him, though._  
  
_**“Uh-uh,“** Skylen groaned. **“Figured you must have been stressed over some General thing. She was so hell-bent on doing everything in her power to stress you out as little as she could that she worked extra hard for weeks. For Kriff’s sake, Poe, she made kriffing**_ **spark notes** _ **with**_ **bullet points** _ **on everything you told her and read the**_ **ENTIRE** _ **flight manual,“** Skylen said exasperatedly, throwing his arms in the air to emphasize his point. Poe frowned._  
_**“I never even read that thing.“**_  
_**“EXACTLY! And you thank her for her hard work by pulling the REN CARD? Of all things?“**_  
_He stayed quiet. Usually, he wouldn’t have let anyone talk to him like Skylen was. But he knew by now that he was doing it because he respected his leadership, not the opposite._  
_And he was, well… Kinda right._  
_**“I get it, what she did was wrong,“** his pilot went on. “ **She went against direct orders. But you know just like I do that it wasn’t a rebellious move just for the sake of it. Heck, if she wanted to contest your authority, she would have. She’s a feisty one. She bumped head with a damn Sith Lord for years. If she wanted to tell you off, she would have. And you’re both to blame. You’ve been acting weird for weeks AND she should have known better.“**_  
_Objectively, Poe knew he was right. He had been behaving strangely. Sure, he had valid reasons — reasons he should probably give her — but it didn’t mean he hadn’t noticed how confused it had made her._  
  
_Skylen laughed quietly by his side, and Poe frowned, confused. The bearded pilot shook his head, a hint of amusement in his E/C eyes._  
**_“You’re too damn similar, it’s so funny. I’m surprised this didn't happen earlier, to be honest.“_**  
_Poe sighed and bit his lip, toying with it as well as the idea of opening up to Skylen a bit._  
**_“That’s the issue. We are. And I can’t let her be that way.“_**  
_This time, his pilot laughed wholeheartedly._  
**_“What? Afraid she might come after your title of best pilot of the Galaxy?“_**  
_He was visibly enjoying himself, and Poe rolled his eyes._  
**_“Never. No, I mean, I can’t let her be as reckless as I was. It’s gonna get her killed.“_**  
_Skylen hummed in understanding and got closer to Poe, uncrossing his arms._  
**_“Well, you do what you have to. You’re the General. I’m just telling you what I know: you hurt her real bad. What you said… I get the need to get her to understand who’s calling the shots, but you know damn well how badly she hates herself for working for Ren. So, if I have one piece of advice to give you, it’s to go talk to her. After you’ve calmed down. She ain’t stupid, General. She will listen.“_**  
_And with that, he hit him in the back and went after her._  
  
_Poe stayed where he was for a moment, barely registering the shouts and the sounds of people working. Metal hitting metal, droids beeping._  
_Speaking of droids, his had tentatively rolled in his direction when Skylen had left and was now looking at Poe, his little head tilted upward. He beeped softly._  
_**“Yes, I’m gonna go and apologize to her. But I need a walk and a shower first,“** he sighed._  
_Whoever had ever said being a leader was easy was a kriffing idiot._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading! Stay safe, and see you soon for part 2 of reader vs. Poe... ;)


	10. For What It's Worth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Y/N try to work things out... And work out in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: swearing, canon-typical violence, fluff

Y/N radiated anger around her in a ten-kilometers radius.  
At least, that was the impression she had, considering people were getting out of her way at lightspeed and avoiding looking her in the eyes as if she was some sort of Gorgone.  
For all she knew, her hair could have turned into snakes and she wouldn’t even care.  
Kriff, even Tarsen hadn’t dared to piss her off further, stepping aside when he had walked past her in the hallway.  
Or maybe that was the “don’t even try it, asshole“ Y/N had all but growled his way.  
The mystery remained intact.  
  
Her feet were thundering on the ground, each step faster than the last, causing her to almost run by the time she had reached her hallway. Her fists were clenched in balls, eyes glaring at anything and anyone.   
She was so, so angry. So much, in fact, that tears of frustration were rolling down her cheeks, digging a passage through the smear of oil on her cheeks. Y/N furiously wiped them away. One little thing. It had taken something as trivial as running into one of her old colleagues to get her to lose sight of all she had worked for in the past few weeks.  
What hurt the most was that Poe was right. She had acted recklessly, risked her life, and almost got herself blown up over a stupid feud.   
She was suddenly glad Ren was dead. If she were to run into him, even after all this time… She wasn’t so sure she wouldn’t go crazy and do something very stupid.  
  
But even though she agreed with Poe to some extent, she was still angry at him for saying all of those things. Surely, making ONE mistake hadn’t wiped away all of her hard work? Was his trust in her so thin that it had taken one minute detail to shatter it completely? Had he just lied to her about trusting her with this mission, and with his teammates in general?  
The sinking feeling of doubt crept back into her stomach, making it churn as she stopped, fists still balled up and chest rising up and down in angry huffs. Had he lied? Maybe he had.   
_It’s the First Order all over again._  
To be quite honest, she knew it wasn’t fair on Poe to compare what he did to what she had endured. But it stung the same, if not more because she appreciated Poe. Being talked to like she had been left such a bitter taste in her mouth. See? That was the exact reason why she NEVER made friends! They always ended up disappointing her somehow. And Y/N felt so, so stupid to have believed that things could be so different. Of course, superiors were bound to get pissed at their subordinates when they screwed up. And of course, she would screw up, because she always-  
No, no. She couldn’t think like that. If she started on that path, she would be spiraling and drowning in self-doubt and the ever-so-present feeling of being a failure, courtesy of the mental abuse that was commonplace in the First Order. Instead, she tried to have a Klana-tic approach. She was unharmed, her ship had been spared from the brunt of the blast, she had completed her mission. Be positive, find the silver linings. She could almost hear her friend’s voice in her head, and it helped her relax a bit, but not enough so that she could easily forget how angry Poe had been and how bad his words had stung.  
  
Her mind, that tricky beast, was maliciously replaying both altercations in her mind. The day Kylo had frightened her so badly she couldn’t get out of the room for ten minutes after he had left her alone, and the one she had just had with Poe. Of course, it wasn’t quite the same, since Poe hadn’t threatened to kill her, he would never. But still… if she closed her eyes more than two seconds, she could see the anger in his eyes. Those beautiful hazel eyes that were usually so kind and warm.   
**“Y/N?“**  
The woman’s head turned to the side fast enough to cause whiplash and she saw SKylen running toward her. How had he caught up to her so quickly? How long had she been standing in the deserted hallway, mere meters away from her door?  
**“Don’t, Skylen,“** she harshly said as he reached her. His brows were furrowed before but they grew impossibly tighter once he stopped in front of her.   
**“He means well, Y/N. He never meant to-“**  
**“I don’t care!“**  
She had spoken louder than intended and with more harshness. It didn’t seem to phase the other pilot, however, and he only crossed his arms, switching his weight on one leg and leaning against the nearest wall with his other foot resting against the bottom of it.  
**“Then why are you so pissed if you don’t care?“**  
  
Y/N opened her mouth and then closed it, acutely aware of the fact that she was looking like a fish gasping for air. Skylen, however, seemed aware enough of how aggravated she was and kept quiet about it.  
**“He doesn’t trust me. That’s all there is to the story,“** she answered with a bitter laugh. **“He didn’t trust me to handle myself in a dogfight. And when he saw that I could, he went off on me because I proved him wrong. That’s it. It’s just an egotistic thing, Skylen.“**  
He stared at her with a jaded look, and Y/N didn’t advert her eyes, challenging him silently.  
When she didn’t add anything, he snorted.  
**“Oh, you’re _actually_ serious?“**  
The woman snarled, crossing her arms on her chest in a protective — and slightly defensive — manner.  
**“Of COURSE, I’m serious! Why on Coruscant would I be joking?!“**  
Skylen shrugged, still leaning against the wall, eyes carefully trained on Y/N.  
**“Well, maybe because that’s bullshit and I thought you were pulling my leg?“**  
  
She made a strangled noise, anger returning to her at full speed. This seemed to worry Skylen, who raised both of his hands in an attempt to calm her down as he would do to a very angry Mudhorn.  
**“Hey, don’t look at me like that. You know I’m right. It’s stupid to think he doesn’t think you’re capable of handling yourself. Do you think you’d be in his squad if he thought you couldn’t take the heat?“**  
Y/N rolled her eyes.  
**“No, but-“**  
**“Do you think he would have trusted you with the mission on Hoth if he thought you couldn’t handle yourself?“** Skylen interrupted.  
**“No, but that ship has sailed-“**  
**“Do you think he would have taken the time to tell you what was wrong with your flying if he didn’t think you could get better?“**  
**“That’s not-“**  
**“Then you know just like I do that he didn’t go off like this because he thinks you’re incapable of handling yourself. He was just worried about you, Y/N.“**  
  
The woman pursed her lips, E/C eyes glaring a hole in Skylen’s forehead, but it didn’t seem to phase him.  
**“You done interrupting me?“** She asked, annoyed, and he chuckled.  
**“Depends. Are you going to go off on a tangent again?“**  
Y/N cursed lowly, which caused his hilarity to flare up again. He seemed to get a kick out of the situation, and she didn’t know whether to be impressed at how chill he was or offended that he was amused by the serious fight she and Poe had just gotten in.  
**“Yeah, yeah. I hear you. Same bullshit all over again. ‘Oh, Y/N, he is just worried about you because he cares about his pilots. Don’t be like that’,“** she said, mimicking Skylen with a twangy voice. **“Well, you know what I think? That’s a whole lot of Bantha shit! I didn’t see him go off on you last week when we went on that mission on Jedha and you almost blew yourself up like an idiot against an asteroid because you were making a joke!“** She said, interrupted him as he opened his mouth to protest. **“So, what’s the difference, huh? Why does he give ME a hard time for disobeying ONE time and he lets everything else slip, huh? Because he is afraid I’ll go rogue or something. I bruised his male’s ego and now he is pissed. You think I haven’t seen that before?“**  
She was beyond furious again, jaw tight beyond reason, and fists balled up.  
And Skylen laughed.  
Which, admittedly, was understandable from his point of view, probably, but it only fueled Y/N’s anger.  
**“I’m sorry,“** he said when he stopped chuckling long enough to form a coherent sentence. **“It’s just- I’ve had a very similar talk with him just a few minutes ago.“**  
  
Y/N rolled her eyes hard enough to see stars before simply ignoring Skylen’s cackles as she tried not to punch him in frustration.  
He was making it very difficult. But she also knew she wasn’t angry with him, but with Poe. Poor Skylen was doing what he could to cheer her up. She was still too angry at Poe to be understanding, however.  
**“He was _so_ adamant on convincing me that this isn’t the First Order anymore, but he sure was acting like half of the assholes I used to fight with, earlier,“** she ranted, sarcasm dripping from her every word. “ **I’m not an idiot. I could have listened to him if he had told me things calmly. But no, he HAD to mention Ren. If that wasn’t to kick me while I was down, I don’t know what it was,“** Y/N confidently concluded, a challenging spark in her eyes.  
  
It was true, she was reacting a bit childishly, trying to prove Skylen wrong at all costs. But after fighting with her leader who couldn’t, for the life of him, see her point, she needed moral support. She needed someone to hear her side of the story and say “you’re right“ even if it was followed by “but so is he“.  
Skylen seemed far more reasonable than Poe on that matter, which was rare enough to be mentioned. The bearded pilot pursed his lips and let out a heavy sigh, scratching the side of his beard.  
**“I can’t say you’re wrong on that one. And I told him he acted like a dick. He was out of line with that one.“**  
More than the fact that Skylen had stood up for her (which she was very grateful for and pleased to hear), what made Y/N snort in surprise was the fact that he had pretty much insulted him. She knew about Skylen’s foul mouth, everyone did (it was hard to not know about it considering how loud he was), but THAT was a whole other level.  
  
**“Wait. You told the General he was a dick?“** Y/N asked in disbelief, aware that at this moment, she must have been looking like a very confused Porg, with her mouth agape and both of her brows headed for the stars.  
**“No.“**  
The woman let out a heavy sigh of relief at Skylen’s quick answer.  
**“Oh, thank the Maker, I thought-“**  
**“Actually, and to be precise, I told him he was an asshole,“** her friend interrupted matter-of-factly. **“And that what he _did_ was a dick move. That’s different.“**  
She blinked as he stared at her, dead serious.  
**“Oh, yes, because that makes it SO MUCH BETTER,“** she finally groaned as Skylen snorted. **“You must have a death wish or something.“**  
**“Nah. Poe is used to it by now,“** the pilot said with a nonchalant shrug.  
  
Although it wasn’t the initial goal, Y/N couldn’t help but notice her anger decreasing slightly. If Poe was willing enough to get insulted by a subordinate, maybe, just maybe, it could mean that he was more open to dialog than he had let on.  
But then, it meant that SHE was the issue… He let Skylen talk badly to him but wouldn’t let her explain herself? Pain gnawed at her insides.  
**“Must be nice,“** she bitterly answered, and this time, Skylen refrained from chuckling. Instead, he sighed and took a step forward until he was standing directly in front of her.  
**“I’m serious. He was worried. He kept cursing, and that doesn’t happen often. Even the best pilots make mistakes. He was worried this would be your last. I’m sure he just didn’t want to lose anyone else to the First Order, Y/N.“**  
The woman sighed. Yes, Skylen was right. Poe had told her that much when they had talked on Coruscant.   
And, to be fair, she was out of arguments.  
**“Can you let me be unreasonable for a second, for Kriff’s sake?!“** She finally shrieked, frustrated to be short on comebacks, and this time, Skylen burst out laughing. The woman couldn’t help but join him, albeit more timidly.   
**“I wouldn’t be a very good friend if I did, now, would I?“**  
**“Stop it!“** She screamed, and Skylen doubled with laughter. After a few seconds, he wiped away a tear from the corner of his left eye, still laughing slightly.  
  
He slowly calmed down, his face relaxing once more into his more serious expression.  
**“He really hurt you, didn’t he.“**  
It wasn’t a question, but Y/N felt the need to nod timidly. Yes, he had hurt her.  
And yes, she would see reason once she wasn’t so angry at him anymore. But that wasn’t something that would happen now, or in the immediate future.   
Skylen put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed, a gesture Poe was so used to doing. Y/N found comfort in the brief contact. It was one of the little things she had grown to miss over the last few weeks, even if she wouldn’t say it. Poe had a way to make his way in someone’s head. He was such a people person that whenever he wasn’t here, everyone noticed.  
Y/N included.  
**“You’re still angry, I get it. Go blow off some steam. Shoot something, go for a run. You two will talk when you’ve both calmed down.“**  
She huffed.  
**“I don’t want to talk to-“**  
**“Y/N,“** Skylen said sternly. The woman sighed.  
**“ _Fine_! If he comes to me, I’ll try not to punch him in the face.“**  
The other pilot groaned loudly and glared at his friend, who raised both eyebrows in feign innocence.  
**“Hey, you’re not getting more out of me.“**  
  
Skylen mumbled something under his breath and Y/N only caught a few, not-so-nice, words, before he added:  
**“And, Maker, go and take a shower. You reek of burned metal and motor oil.“**  
She shrugged his hand off, threw her middle finger up, and punched in the code to her room. As the door whooshed open, she said over her shoulder:  
**“You’re an ass. But thanks for checking on me. Means a lot.“**  
Skylen tipped an invisible hat.  
**“You’re welcome. Now, go and shower.“**  
With a mock salute and an exaggerated eye roll, Y/N disappeared inside her room, followed by Skylen’s boisterous laugh.  
She was truly lucky to have a friend like him.  
  
  
————————————  
  
  
If a freezing shower couldn’t calm her down, Y/N wasn’t sure anything could.  
She had stripped out of her dirty jumpsuit, discarding it in the box that was collected daily by the cleaning droids, before heading for the shower cubicle. There, in the tiny, metallic box, she had let the cold water wash away all of the dirt, soot, oil, and frustration away, clenching her teeth as the cold attacked her skin like a million of needles.   
It had eased her nerves a bit, quite literally cooling her temper down, but as soon as her mind wandered in Poe’s direction, the frustration flared up again.  
She had gotten out of the shower as angry as she had been when she had stepped inside, if not more, because she was cold and frustrated, now. So, after a quick blow-dry, she had put on her training clothes, tied her hair up into a tight braid, and made her way to what had become her training room.  
  
With her commlink cowardly abandoned on her bed to avoid any interruptions, Y/N had grabbed one of the training sticks, going through her routine at an ungodly speed that came from the need to blow off some pent-up anger.  
She was aware than training that hard without a warm-up could lead to injuries, but she didn’t care. It wasn’t like she had anywhere to be the following day anyway. With how badly they had fought, no doubt that Poe had taken her off the mission. And that thought only made her hit harder, swinging the stick like Ren had taught her all those years ago. There were many things she wanted to forget from the First Order, but what he had taught her had, strangely enough, stuck. He had been many things, but Kylo had also been a great teacher.  
  
Soon enough, a thin layer of sweat made her workout clothes stick to her body, completely ruining the purpose of the shower she had taken earlier. It seemed like everything she had done recently had gone to waste. Everything had fallen through. Her shower, her training, her mission…  
Her budding friendship with Poe…  
And, of course, her anger flared up when the face of the pilot popped up in her mind and she screamed in frustration, hitting the mannequin so hard with the training stick it creaked in protest. Why couldn’t he understand she only wanted to be trusted? To help? It was unfair.  
Kylo’s teachings replayed in her mind as she stared at the mannequin — or, rather, glared daggers at it — with her fists balled up, clenching the stick so tightly her knuckles had turned white.  
_Channel your anger. Use it as a weapon. Don’t suppress it, use it to your advantage._  
Fairly often, she had found it difficult to follow his advice. Ren was way more temperamental than she was and prone to losing it faster than she would. But other times, like this one, his advice made sense.  
  
Y/N let go of the stick, leaving it to hit the ground in a loud clatter. She then pushed her leg back, falling into the fighting stance Poe had taught her. Her chest was heaving, her breath hitching in her throat every couple of seconds as the overbearing feeling of loneliness and distrust invaded her thoughts. It was becoming increasingly harder not to fall into the self-doubt trap.  
So she started to hit the dummy, putting as much strength as she could, her hits fueled with her anger, her frustration, her feeling of being misunderstood. It might not have been the healthiest or the safest way to expulse her negative thoughts, but it was one way to do it that wouldn’t involve her going off on poor Skylen. All things considered, he had been incredibly patient with her. She would have to apologize to him later.  
  
Ten, twenty minutes went by, the silence only filled with the sounds of her fists hitting the woolen mannequin. When her breath was too ragged for her to go on, Y/N stopped, catching herself on the dummy, her hand gripping its shoulder as she caught her breath. Her lungs were burning, her fists hurting, her blood rushing to her ears, shouting dark thoughts at her from the inside. And, Maker, was it cathartic, to hit that poor dummy. At least, it wasn’t judging her.  
She realized slightly too late that someone else was with her when her breathing slowed down enough to allow her to hear something else than her ragged breaths. Soft footsteps got closer to her and then stopped. In her peripheral vision, Y/N could see a silhouette.  
Her gut was screaming at her not to turn toward it, but of course, she did.  
Her slender fingers dug briefly into the mannequin’s shoulder when her eyes found his hazel ones, and Y/N turned around completely, facing him.  
Of course, it was him.  
  
Poe was standing a few meters away from her, leaning against a rack on which one could find various training weapons. He was fresh out of the shower, undoubtedly, his curls slightly damp and a fresh, civilian outfit on him. He didn’t look nearly as angry as he had earlier and was, instead, carefully observing Y/N. The woman crossed her arms on her chest, lips pursing into a fine line, her tongue bitten by her front teeth in an attempt to keep to herself the sarcastic comments that threatened to burst out of her mouth like a ship jumping into hyperspace.  
But it was both fortunate _and_ unfortunate that they were alone.  
Fortunate, because she wouldn’t have to restrain herself and be afraid of what image it would give of him as a leader if she challenged his authority, which she didn’t want to do.  
Unfortunate, because she wouldn’t have to restrain herself…  
She waited for him to speak first, not trusting herself to start a conversation politely if that was what he was aiming for. She noticed the warmth in his eyes had returned, but she hadn’t forgotten how cold he had looked at her a mere hour ago.  
**“I know I’d find you here,“** he said, tone neutral. It wasn’t reproach or a joke. Just a simple observation.  
Was he seriously going to act as if nothing had happened? Was he expecting her to do the same?  
  
Had they parted ways before he had brought up Kylo Ren, Y/N would have probably accepted this unspoken request of his. But no. She would not. With a deep breath, she tried to steady her voice to mimic the tone of his.  
**“If you’re here to tell me how bad I am at being a pilot,“** she started, her voice slightly colder than she had intended, **“then you can, with all due respect, go screw yourself, _General Dameron_.“** He winced but stayed quiet, not trying to interrupt her as she went on. **"I’m sure the mannequin will gladly listen to you going off about my insubordination."**  
She was being fully sarcastic, now, and he had undoubtedly noticed. Clenching her teeth together, she picked the abandoned stick, threw it on a nearby table, and walked toward the door. As she got closer to him, he sighed.  
**“Y/N. Can we please talk?“**  
He wasn’t patronizing her, but the so-called concern in his voice still irked the woman. Her head snapped to the side and, in a decisive — albeit childish — manner, she said sharply:  
**“No.“**  
Poe sighed again, his head falling for a second before he looked back at her with a kindness she hadn’t anticipated.   
**"We can’t just ignore what happened. We had a communication issue and I’d like to solve it so we can work together more efficiently-"**  
**"You dismissed me. And the mission today was the only one on the schedule,"** Y/N interrupted. **"Which means I get the rest of the day off. So we will talk tomorrow when I’m back on the clock."**  
Oh, she was going to make him work for it. He wanted her to stay and listen? He would have to give some kriffing good arguments for her to do so.  
  
Annoyance crossed his features for a second before he mimicked her posture, crossing his arms. He took a few steps forward until he was standing a meter and a half away from her, his face back to his neutral expression.  
**“Okay, then let’s not talk. You were here to train, right? Let’s have a sparring session. It’s long overdue anyway. What do you say?"**  
Y/N stared at him in silence and he didn’t look away-  
Until her fist missed his face by a hair as he took a step to the side, narrowly avoiding a powerful right hook. He gave her an incredulous look before letting out a snort.  
**“I guess that’s a yes.“**  
  
The room erupted in a cacophony of grunts, hits, and wheezes as fists missed their targets. Poe had no problem dodging her attacks with an agility that infuriated Y/N even more. She was tired, she wasn’t focused, and she was frustrated at how easily he could rattle her.  
**“Keep your arms up, or I can-"**  
**"Just _don’t_ , Poe,“** she interrupted through gritted teeth. He groaned and, when she threw her arm at him, ducked, and stepped behind her. Before she could register what he was doing, he had grabbed her and flushed her against his chest, trapping her right hand on her breasts with his right arm while his left hand secured her left one. She could hear his heart pounding against her back as she found herself trapped in his arms. She tried to wiggle herself out of his grip, but he had her trapped pretty securely and it only made him tighten his grip. He wasn’t hurting her and she was fairly sure she could break free if she wanted to, something she appreciated. The smell of his shower gel, of his natural scent, and the tiniest hint of citrus blended made her slightly dizzy. Had she been less angry, Y/N would have taken a second to mentally note how good he always smelled. She had learned to like it, to relax around it.  
**“You’re angry, I understand,“** he started softly, his breath tickling her ear. **“You shouldn’t have to feel that way-“**  
Was he _SERIOUS_?!  
Y/N huffed.  
**“Maker, stop talking to me like I’m some sort of child, you- you- you _PORG HEAD_!**“ She finally screamed in exasperation.  
  
Poe let out a surprised wheeze, and although she couldn’t see his face, the look on it would probably be priceless.  
**“What did you-“**  
He never got to finish the sentence. Y/N slammed her heel into his foot, elbowed his ribs, and used his momentary confusion to slide to the side and flipped him over her shoulder, following him to the ground to pin him down. Before he could react (and with great satisfaction), she sat down on his hips, one knee bent underneath her to keep him down as she grabbed both of his wrists. For the first time since he had walked in, a smile bloomed on her face as hair fell out of her braid. The woman grinned at Poe, who could easily enough break free should he want to, but her goal wasn’t to knock him out. Just to surprise him and show him she wasn’t some helpless little kid.  
And from the look on his face, she had succeeded.  
She stood directly above him as he stared, eyebrows raised in bewilderment.  
**“What did you just say?“**  
Ah, yes, the nickname. She glared at him, but the look had lost a bit of its edge due to the pride she was feeling from having him pinned down.  
**“Porg Head. Like the damn bird. They’re annoying, they never stop talking, and they think they can fly better than they actually do.“**  
  
Oh, she was _proud_ of that one. She had told him a while ago that she would find a nickname that would suit him. And she was more than happy to have stayed true to her words and found one even more annoying than the one he had for her-  
He laughed.  
Y/N stared in disbelief as Poe laughed, his chest rumbling under her with hilarity.  
**“What?“** She asked, and his hazel eyes sparkled with amusement. He grinned like a mad man, the kind of smile he only had when he was especially proud of himself.  
**“They’re also very cute. Are you trying to tell me something?“**  
Oh, _Maker_ , have mercy.  
Y/N sneered and let out an angry groan.  
**"Oh, for KRIFF’S SAKE!“** She cried out, aggravated. **“Are you even for really?! How can you be so _kriffing annoying_ ALL THE TIME?!“**  
How?! How had he turned this one around-  
Her thoughts were interrupted as surprise flooded her brain and she let out a shriek. In a split second, Poe had flipped them both around and her head hit the ground as he easily pinned her down.  
Except he was much stronger than she was.  
And less tired.  
  
Lying between her legs, pinning both of her arms down with his hands wrapped around her wrists, and with his chest blocking hers from rising, he had effectively immobilized her. And he was much, much closer than she had been, his face merely fifteen centimeters away from hers. This was, as Y/N discovered very quickly, a way to stop her from raising her leg and hooking the back of her knee around his throat. She was bendy, but not that much, and she didn’t know much about ground fights. They hadn’t gotten to this part of her training yet.  
And Poe knew it.  
Which was the exact reason why he was smirking that much.  
**“It’s a gift, Keebler.“**  
She wriggled under him, just to show him she wasn’t happy about her current predicament, but Poe didn’t budge. Just like he had done a few moments earlier, he wasn’t hurting her, but this time, his grip was slightly tighter.  
  
This observation made Y/N realize exactly how suggestive the position they were in was.   
Him, pinning her down, laying between her legs, his face this close to hers-  
Oh, Maker, she was _PRAYING_ nobody would walk in on them.  
**“Let me go,“** she whispered as she turned bright red. Poe detailed her features, eyes roaming across her face. His messy locks were falling on his and his skin was dewy. He was barely breaking a sweat. How endurant was this man, exactly?!  
And, okay, Y/N had to admit (to herself ONLY) that the view wasn’t so bad from where she was. As usual, his intense gaze made her uncomfortable, but not in an unpleasant way. The hazel orbs, specked with gold flecks, were fixed on her as he seemed to think about her request. Y/N found herself looking at the tiny lines on his face as he decided her fate. He had several, midget scars on his skin, souvenirs from his years of fighting.  
**“Not before you’ve listened to me. You’ll run away if I let you go now.“**  
Well, she couldn’t exactly refute that particular argument.  
  
With a heavy sigh, she settled down, pursing her lips as she raised an eyebrow, inviting him to go on. Poe bit his lip, lessening his grip on her wrists slightly. He sighed.  
**“Y/N, I… Kriff, I don’t think you’re a bad pilot at all. I never wanted to give you that impression. You wouldn’t be flying with us if you weren’t talented. But I just…“**  
He sighed.  
**“I don’t want you doing something stupid and getting yourself hurt, or worse. When I saw you break formation, I was so angry. My job as a leader is to stay cool-headed, reason with you, all of you, and keep you grounded. And I failed you. Kriff, I couldn’t contact you, and I thought something happened.“**  
His eyes left hers for a second as he stared at the ground by her side, seemingly lost in his thoughts. Y/N was listening intently, not saying a word.  
**“I know you’re more than capable of handling yourself. But we both know you weren’t capable of being level-headed, back there. As soon as you realized who we were up against, you lost your cool, and you know it.“**  
Y/N clenched her jaw. Yes. He was right.   
And she still wasn’t pleased to hear it.  
  
His tone, however, wasn’t nearly as patronizing as it had been earlier, so she didn’t snap back at him. She kept silent, allowing him to go on.  
**“And I’m not blaming you. Everyone understands. But you need to understand, too, that the orders I give are there to keep you safe. And it’s okay if you don’t trust me yet. I know we haven’t been working together for long-“**  
**“I do trust you, Poe,“** Y/N interrupted softly, letting out a deep sigh.  
It was his turn to fall silent. The slightest hint of a smile tugged at the corners of his lips.  
**“I trust you, and your judgment. I just… I wished you could have trusted mine. I’m not as unstable as I seem to be. You don’t know them as I do. I didn’t want to risk any of your lives because of me. You have no idea how much they all hated me,“** she whispered, her throat suddenly feeling tight. **“You’re an incredible pilot. But even you don’t know as much as I do about the 204th.“**  
And it was better off this way. Maybe if he did know more, he wouldn’t be looking at her this warmly. He probably wouldn’t be trying to be friends with her.  
She wasn’t sure she could accept that.  
  
Poe sighed again and nodded. It was quite obvious he wasn’t pleased with what he was hearing, but now that he had calmed down — they both had — he seemed to be much more open to discussion.  
**“You’re right. And I was being slightly overprotective. You’re my pilot and I don’t want you to get hurt.“**  
There was no trace of amusement in his eyes this time. Not even the tiniest hint of a joke. He was fully serious.  
And the amount of concern he had for the men and women under his command made Y/N’s heart skip a beat. She could feel it radiating off him.  
**“Can we… move past that?“** He asked tentatively after a few seconds. **“I don’t want you to be mad at me. I was just trying to do my job.”**  
Y/N hummed in approval. The whole thing had been blown out of proportion by both of them because of the stress, and their respective egos. They did share some similarities, Finn was right.  
  
**“I know,“** she said softly. **“I’m sorry for yelling. It just… Hit a nerve.”** Poe gave her a tentative chuckle, licked his lips, and said:  
**“It’s okay. I don’t have the best temper either.”**  
He was trying to lighten up the mood a bit and Y/N let him, giggling wholeheartedly. He seemed to relax a bit and moved against her.  
**“I’m gonna let you go, now, okay?“**  
She nodded to the best of her abilities, biting back a snarky — albeit true — comment on how disappointed she was. Her training sessions with Poe always brought their lot of physical contact, and for someone who had been deprived of it for so long, it was certainly an adjustment — but one she was growing increasingly more comfortable with.  
She really, really didn’t mind having Poe close. He made her feel safe.  
When he didn’t piss her off.  
  
As promised, he let go of her and rolled over, leaving her to sit down on the training mat. They stood there, side by side, in silence, for a moment. And as usual, Y/N couldn’t help but notice how comfortable it was for her to simply be with him like this, without speaking.  
**“I’m sorry. For bringing You-Know-Who up,“** he suddenly said, and it caught her by surprise. Although he had been acting sorry and had accepted her point of view, he hadn’t verbally apologized, and she hadn’t expected him to do so either. She smiled indulgently.  
**“You can say his name, Poe. It’s not your fault I’m still not over everything that happened. It was fair of you to compare the two situations. I should have been able to see your point.“**  
To her surprise, Poe let out an audible groan, chin hitting his torso as his head fell in annoyance. When he looked back at her, there was a hint of amusement in his hazel eyes.  
**“Maker, Y/N, I’m trying to apologize here. Don’t make it harder for me. I don’t like being wrong.“**  
She genuinely laughed, which caused more strands of hair to escape her now loose braid. Poe smiled.  
**“Okay, apology accepted. You can go back to being your annoying, cocky self, now.“**  
He snorted and leaned to the side to gently punch her shoulder.  
**“You’re rude, today.“**  
She laughed and he joined her. They had both been rude to the other anyway. Sure, it had reached an unmatched peak during their argument, but it wasn’t like they weren’t teasing each other the rest of the time either.   
  
Her smile slowly disappeared as she grew more serious again, brows furrowing ever-so-slightly. Poe had been truly understanding up until that point, and she wanted to open up a bit. He deserved it. And maybe, just maybe, he would understand her better.  
**“There’s a reason why I reacted so strongly when you said his name,“** she said, staring in the distance. **“I worked with him, yes, but that’s not the only reason. We had a… Peculiar relationship, you could say,“** she said, head slightly tilted to the side as she worded her thoughts carefully. She didn’t want to give him the wrong impression-  
**“Ah… So you two were…“**  
Her head snapped to the side and her eyes widened at what he was implying. Or maybe she had understood it the wrong way?  
**“We were what?“** She asked, unsure. Poe seemed unsettled. He bit his lip, scratched the back of his neck and winced, suddenly unable to meet her eyes.  
**“You know what. Like…“** he trailed off, dismissively waving his hand.  
Oh, Kriff. She had _not_ understood him wrongly.  
Y/N vehemently shook her head no.  
**“Oh, Maker, no! We were not sleeping together or anything,“** she exclaimed, and Poe let out a long sigh.  
**“Kriff, I’m glad to hear it, I had no idea how to react.“**  
  
Y/N laughed at how awkward he was. It was an adorable sigh, one she didn’t enjoy too often since Poe rarely got flustered.  
**“I didn’t peg you for the type to go after that kind of man anyway,“** he mumbled, and it caught the woman’s attention. Both of her eyebrows shot up.  
**“Or really? And why’s that?** “ She asked, amusement seeping in her tone.  
The question seemed to take Poe by surprise and he stared silently at her for a solid five seconds, mouth slightly agape. Y/N concluded he probably didn’t mean to say that out loud. He bit his lip for a second before answering.  
**“Well, I’ve met him. He didn’t look like he’d be your style,“** he muttered, and the H/C grinned. Awkward Poe didn’t show his face too often and she would be damned if she didn’t take advantage of that to tease him.  
**“What would be my style, then, huh? You seem to be _awfully_ knowledgeable on the matter.“**  
Again, Poe stared in silence, and Y/N barely managed to stifle a laugh as he frowned, deep in thoughts. She had no doubts he was trying to find something smart and not offensive to get himself out of the pickle he was currently in.  
And he also seemed unaware of the fact that she was making fun of him and wasn’t, in fact, getting offended.  
**“Not him.“**  
  
Y/N couldn’t help it, she snorted.  
**“Wow. You hit the nail on the head with that one, huh? And here I thought you were the smooth talker of the base. You’re losing your touch-“**  
**“Oh, _shut up_. I was trying to be nice,“** he mumbled and Y/N doubled with laughter. He joined her quickly and they laughed until they were out of breath again. Only then did Y/N lose her smile a bit as she got more serious again.  
She sighed, pursing her lips softly as she tried to form coherent sentences. It was difficult for her to talk about this particular subject. The feeling of discomfort reached its peak as she opened her mouth again.  
**“Ren and I… we had a complicated relationship,“** she started, and she noticed Poe sitting slightly more upright as he paid attention to her speech. **“I wasn’t just his pilot, I was his agent. He… He trained me. For years. Made me his soldier. I guess he wanted to have a spy whose loyalty didn’t go to Smoke. I didn’t understand why, at the time. Now that I know he killed him, I guess it makes sense to some extent, maybe he never really trusted him…“**  
She bit her lip, eyes focusing on a point behind Poe, carefully avoiding to meet his. It was one thing to know she had worked for him. It was a whole other story to learn she had been his partner or the closest thing to it that could be.  
  
However, Poe remained silent, letting her continue. She appreciated it because she wasn’t sure she could go on should he interrupt.  
**“Why exactly he did it will always be a mystery, though. He was highly invested in my training. For a long time, he was my instructor. Up until I left, actually. We trained every day. He trusted me with missions he couldn’t trust others with,“** she added with a slight, humorless snort. **“He sent me on missions, alone or with him. And don’t get me wrong, I know he was a monster. And I know what he did to you. But sometimes, he was… Decent.“**  
She licked her lips, unsure if she should go on. Poe hadn’t said anything, which showed he was listening, but could she really tell him?  
  
**“He trained you as a Knight of Ren.“**  
She finally met his eyes. He didn’t look shocked, or angry, or disgusted. Just very attentive, his brows slightly furrowed and separated by a tiny dimple in the middle as he frowned in concentration. Y/N raised her eyebrows. He wasn't too far off.  
**“You don’t seem surprised.“**  
To her surprise, he smiled and gave her a shrug.  
**“Nah. Figured that one out when we first trained. The way you moved and held the fake blade I gave you? I’ve seen him do the same.“**  
  
It was Y/N’s turn to stare at him, mouth agape. So, he had known all those weeks?  
**“Why didn’t you say anything?“** She whispered in disbelief, and he shrugged once again.  
**“Figured you’d tell me when you were ready. It wasn’t my place to say something.“**  
She was rendered speechless.  
She knew of his hatred for the man. Really, who could blame him for it? And yet, not only had he accepted her relationship with the fallen Jedi, he had shied away from being intrusive, even though he was naturally curious.   
This truly blew her mind.  
Y/N realized she had been staring at him for a solid minute when he cleared his throat politely. She jumped, startled, and mumbled an apology.   
**“So…“**  
He cleared his throat and opened his mouth, freezing as he seemed to think about what he was going to say. When he spoke up again, his voice was softer.  
**“Wanna talk about it?“**  
  
When Y/N just stared at him in confusion, he added:  
**“You said he was decent. Seems to be important to you since you mentioned it. So… Wanna tell me about it?“**  
Was he _seriously_ offering to listen to her saying nice things about a man he hated? A man who had killed so many of his friends?   
Just because it sounded like it was _important to her_?  
Y/N could rack her brains all she wanted, she couldn’t find anything remotely good enough that she might have done to deserve such an amazing leader.   
The way he was looking at her, genuinely interested, made her feel warm. She opened her mouth but he interrupted her, undoubtedly sensing her uneasiness.  
**“I’m the one offering, Y/N,** “ he reassured her.  
She closed her mouth and nodded. She wouldn’t even question his sixth sense for these things, not anymore. Instead, she sat crossed-legged, absentmindedly tightened her H/C braid, and started speaking.  
  
  
\---------------  
  
  
_‘Hell’ would have been too weak of a word to describe the current situation they were in._  
_Since she had joined the First Order a few months ago, Y/N had been in her fair share of fights, both in space and on the ground. While space fights were viciously challenging, she found them equally as exciting. And she was relatively well protected by the cockpit of her TIE._  
_Gunfights, however._  
_That was a whole other story._  
_Her eyes were burning and she coughed, trying and failing to keep the smoke out of her lungs. The mask on her mouth and nose did nothing to lessen the acrid smell of charred metal and bodies, and she could barely see through the dark, thick fog that had gradually filled the hallways they were in. If she squinted hard enough, she could see the end of the tunnel — both metaphorically and figuratively — and she walked toward it, carefully walking around the dead bodies on the ground. Stormtroopers and mobsters lied side by side, frozen in death._  
  
_When she emerged out of the hallway, Y/N raised her blaster, using her free arm to put her lower face into her elbow and hopefully catch her breath. The facility they had invaded and that used to be pristine and cold was now a horrid mess of burning things, blast out walls and scraps of metal lying everywhere. It had become a battlefield and they had been the ones to bring it here._  
_Kafrene was a very hostile planet. It wasn’t due to its weather or its environment. No, it was a cold, lonely, inhospitable planet that was fully made of metal. Dark, narrow alleys with high walls made every street look like a prison. It could have belonged to the First Order without the shadow of a doubt, they shared a similar aesthetic, and the task force Kylo had put together blended in the shadows as they belonged there._  
_Which probably was true, to some extent. Y/N didn’t know anymore. Dressed in a tight leather outfit, a much more modest version of Ren’s, she was the perfect Imperial officer. Her battle outfit didn’t sport her rank on her chest, but her right shoulder piece, painted bright red, told everyone who hadn’t recognized it exactly who she was._  
_Kylo’s officer._  
_Although she was fairly sure the high-neck corset she wore was in too bad of a shape to be fit for an officer, by now. Kylo was going to be pissed._  
  
_The said Knight of Ren was nowhere in sight. Admittedly, she couldn’t see very far and was using her ears to direct herself and navigate through the maze that they were in. A quick look through the smoke and she managed to see that a wall had been kicked down, a deep wound slicing it open. Y/N slid through the opening and finally stepped into a hallway that was smoke-free. Her lungs screamed for fresh air-_  
_And she was feeling a lot of it, all of a sudden. The wind made the little hair that had escaped her tight bun flow around her head and the cold air whipped her cheeks red. Tightening her grip on her blaster, Y/N made her way forward, never losing sight of her mission. There was a ruckus coming from down the hall, made of indistinct screams, blaster noises, and a slight hum Y/N knew all too well. With a renewed determination, she ran toward its source._  
  
_She took a sharp turn left and almost ran into a stormtrooper carrying one of his teammates who was limping. He almost shot her down on sight._  
**_“Officer! We were just-“_**  
_**“Go,“** Y/N interrupted. **“I didn’t see you here. Tend to the wounded. Where is Ren?“**_  
_The two nodded toward the direction they had been coming from and Y/N straightened her back and ran back into the raging battle._  
_If things were ugly before, it was nothing compared to what she had just walked in._  
_The docking bay of the building they had invaded had been blasted open, its door now a mere hole with charred sides. Red lasers were flying around like a swarm of angry bees, wheezing as they cut through the air and, occasionally, flesh. Makeshift barricades had been erected as both parties hid behind crates or what was left of the transport ships._  
_Y/N flattened herself against a wall, hiding behind a partially collapsed wall. Through the gaping hole that had once been the door of the docking bay, the busy megalopolis appeared, its finger-like towers pointing at the sky menacingly. TIEs flew in the distance, picking up enemy ships from the sky._  
_Some of them were her men, but she couldn’t discern who was who from such a long distance. The shapes and colors of the ships were blurry as they all turned into little dots flying through the night sky._  
  
_They were in one of the high buildings, part of the row of descending skyscrapers that gave a jaw-like appearance to the asteroids. High in the sky. That wasn’t unusual for Y/N. However, what was was that she didn’t have her ship to protect her from a nasty fall this time._  
_As the wind rushed through the hole, it brought more smoke toward the back of the room where Y/N was standing. The metallic scent of blood and burned gunpowder invaded her nostrils and she scrunched up her nose, pushing back a cough. She had a mission. Kylo had trusted her with it, and she would be damned before she let him down._  
_Blasters shot through the room in a frenzy and it was becoming impossibly harder to distinguish who was a friend and who was a foe. Y/N cursed and put her gun back in its holster. She wouldn’t take the risk to shoot one of her men down. And she didn’t have to, anyway._  
_With a practiced flick of her wrist, she took her vibrodagger out of its sheath._  
_The blade was of incredible craftsmanship. Close to being indestructible, made of Phrik, and just the right length. The weapon Kylo had entrusted her with._  
_He wasn’t fond of blasters, and neither was Y/N. The ones issued by the First Order were simply barbaric. She had studied him and his fighting technique and had grown fond of the hand-to-hand fight._  
_Of course, she wasn’t even remotely as skilled as the Knight of Ren. And she didn’t have his talents for lightsaber fights._  
_But he had trained her well, and now, she could be an asset rather than a burden._  
  
_Her eyes finally caught sight of what she had been looking for._  
_An angry, blood-red blade, slashing through the enemy fighters effortlessly._  
_And the man wielding it._  
_Dressed in his usual attire, with his hood up and his mask on, Kylo Ren was pushing forward, diverting the blaster shots with his blade with swift movements. He looked like he was dancing, and with each step he took, Death followed suit._  
**“Captain! We have a visual on the docking bay. Requesting authorization to open fire.“**  
_The pilot’s voice crackled through her commlink and Y/N almost smashed it in her ear as she hurriedly answered._  
**_“Negative! We have men in there! Hold your fire!“_**  
_Although the pilot didn’t sound pleased, he did as he was told, and the angry, familiar whistling sound of the TIEs disappeared into the night._  
_Well. She couldn’t stay here all day, now, could she? After all, she wasn’t even supposed to be there. Her hood and her mask concealed her identity, but Kylo would kill her himself if anyone was to recognize her. The only people who knew about her absence in the sky were her pilots, and, of course, Ren himself._  
_It was time to do what she was here for._  
_With her flick off her thumb, the vibroblade crackled to life, pulsing with its low energy, and Y/N launched herself into battle. Sliding from one barricade to the other, she made her way through the battlefield, barely registering the shots missing her by a hair. Her only goal was to reach Kylo._  
  
_One of the mobsters got dangerously close to her and she dodged his blade, stepping to the side before slashing at his chest and hitting him square in the face. He collapsed to the ground, blood seeping from his clothes, as Y/N ran forward. Her heart was thundering in her chest as she finally reached the Knight-_  
_Who had just plunged his lightsaber into someone’s chest and wasn’t seeing the guy coming from behind with a vibroblade._  
_Without thinking, Y/N grabbed her own blade and threw it at the guy. It lodged itself into his chest and he collapsed a mere meter away from Ren, who turned around, cape whipping behind him. He looked at the fallen attacker, then at Y/N, who ran to him and picked the dagger from the mobster’s body._  
_**“Where were you?“** He asked, voice deep through his modulator. The woman cleaned her blade on her arm and pat her breast._  
**_“Control room, as you instructed, Master Ren. I got what you asked for.“_**  
_Ren hummed, seemingly pleased before he lit up his saber again and fought off another attacker right as one of them targeted Y/N. They crossed blades, but the woman was faster. She furiously parried his attacks, piercing through his defense with ease and kicking him in the chest. His head hit the wall with a sickening crunch and he fell, unconscious._  
  
_Y/N turned back to Kylo, who had just killed a few more soldiers, but before she could talk to him, sirens started wailing._  
_**“Sir! They’ve activated the auto-destruction of the building! We need to get out of here!“** One of the officers — Phasma, she assumed — screamed through the radio. Kylo had heard it, of course, but he didn’t bother with an answer. Instead, he turned to the only person who knew why they were really here: Y/N._  
**_“Order the evacuation. Tell the pilots to stand by. I need to find the leader.“_**  
_Those were Snoke’s orders and Y/N knew it. It wasn’t her fight, and Ren wasn’t asking her to stay. But after she barked the orders back at Phasma, who did as she was told without hesitating, she turned back to Kylo, plunging her hand into her breast pocket. She handed him the puck she had stolen._  
**_“Here. It will be safer with you. Now, where is that guy?“_**  
_He seemed to stare for a second too long before understanding she was coming with him._  
**_“Follow me.“_**  
  
_They made their way across the hangar, Kylo using the Force to sweep away anyone in their path. But they were all too eager to run away to try and stop them anyway-_  
_Something hit Y/N like a Bantha at full speed and she all but flew away from Ren, hitting the floor and sliding on it for a few meters. She winced in pain and jumped back to her feet as she faced a humongous Togruta. A quick look at Kylo told her he was busy fighting off what looked like the guy he had been looking for._  
_Well, looked like she needed to handle things herself._  
_Her blade in hand, falling into her fighting stance, Y/N stood ready, eyes fixed on her opponent. He had a whip and he made it crackle to life, forcing Y/N to roll to the side as the wheezing whip missed her by a hair._  
_And a few seconds later, they were engaged in a ferocious fight._  
_A lightsaber would have been useful to cut through his damn weapon, that was for sure._  
_The sirens were getting louder, people were screaming through the radios — they had to get out of here._  
_But she couldn’t pierce through the Togruta’s defenses-_  
  
_The deafening sound of an explosion was followed shortly by a deep rumble and Y/N and her opponent both fell to the ground as the platform they were on simply started to collapse._  
_The autodestruction sequence had begun._  
_They were going to fall from the sky in less than two minutes._  
_With the floor now tilting forward, everyone who hadn’t made it back to safety started to slide toward the ground, hundreds of meters underneath them. Various objects slid down, sent to their demise by their weight, and soldiers screamed as they all fell. Y/N managed to grab a cable, but the Togruta wasn’t so lucky. With nothing to hold onto, he screamed in terror as he disappeared through the gaping hole of a door, falling until he was only a small dot in the distance._  
_Well, here went her fight._  
_But Y/N didn’t have time to be worried about that, because the cable she had been holding onto suddenly snapped and she slid herself._  
_The platform was almost leaning vertically, now, and her fall accelerated. The woman tried to use her dagger to slow herself down, but the blade didn’t cut through the thick metal of the flood._  
_A scream bubbled in her chest as she saw the end of the platform coming. She wailed her arms desperately, but her fingers found nothing but emptiness._  
_This was it. She was going to die._  
_And two seconds later, she went over the edge._  
  
_Something grabbed her arm with so much force that she slammed against the edge of the platform, screaming in pain as the force of her fall associated with whatever had caught her dislocated her shoulder. She was dangling over the city, wind hitting her at full force as the building exploded above her head._  
_She looked up despite the pain._  
_Her heart stopped._  
_It wasn’t a miracle that had stopped her from falling to her death or a random cable that had somehow managed to tangle itself around her arm. No._  
_It was Ren himself._  
_Holding to a sturdy-looking pipe, he had caught her at the exact right moment, effectively saving her life. His hand was wrapped around her forearm, his vice-like grip the only thing stopping her from falling further down. His mask was turned toward her and his lightsaber was back on his hip. He seemed to be barely struggling._  
_Well. That made one of them at least._  
_Still high on adrenaline, Y/N realized that she had, somehow, not let go of her blade. She sheathed it back. If she lost it and survived, he would kill her._  
  
_**“WATCH OUT!“** She screamed as a crate barely missed them. It wouldn’t take long before both of them fell. The building was seconds away from exploding completely._  
_**“LET ME GO! YOU’RE GONNA GET YOURSELF KILLED!“** Y/N added._  
_She wasn’t important. She didn’t matter. She was replaceable._  
_He was not._  
_And he seemed to understand it because he followed her advice and let go of her hand._  
  
_Y/N barely had time to let out a scream that she hit something hard, landing on her back with a groan of pain._  
_Kylo landed by her side a split second later, but way more gracefully. Although her body felt like it had been crushed, Y/N forced herself up._  
_And she realized where they had landed._  
_On his Upsilon-class shuttle._  
_With no gentleness, he forced her to her feet and they walked to the trapdoor located on top of the ship. He didn’t say anything as he forced her through it, and Y/N stumbled down the ladder. Once they were safely tucked inside, he flew them away, right as the building collapsed, disappearing on the surface of Kafrene._  
  
_Silence fell on them both as he quickly reached the atmosphere. Y/N’s adrenaline was wearing off and she was slowly realizing what had just happened. Cradling her injured arm, she stared, mouth agape, at her mentor, as he headed for the Finalizer._  
_He had…_  
**_“You…“_**  
_Her voice was hoarse from the smoke and her screams, and her sentence was cut short by loud coughs. Ren tensed but didn’t turn around to face her._  
_**“Thank you,“** she rasped out._  
_He didn’t say anything back._

\----------------

  
  
**“He saved your life.“**  
Y/N nodded as a thoughtful Poe looked at her, the weight of her words still hovering over them. It certainly didn’t right his wrongs, but what Ren had done gave people a new perspective.  
Maybe, now, Poe understood exactly how complicated of a matter it was for Y/N.   
**“People in the First Order never cared, Poe. They didn’t care about anyone. And they certainly didn’t care about me. Half of the wanted me dead. I wasn’t irreplaceable. He could have let me die. He didn’t. He was the first person to care even a little bit about me. And it made things so difficult.“**  
Oh, how easy it would have been to simply despise him. To have nothing but hate in her heart for him. But no. She had seen the man behind the mask, even for a brief moment.   
From then on, it had only become increasingly complicated. But the rest of the story would be told another time. It was enough for now. Y/N felt like she had shared an important part of her past and she was started to get overwhelmed with memories.  
  
Instead, she cleared her throat, turning to Poe with uncertainty.  
**“Can I ask you a question?“**  
He hummed in approval, although the pilot could see his curiosity reflected in his eyes.   
**“It’s about those last few weeks. Why were you acting like… like…“** she trailed off, trying to find an appropriate term. Poe beat her to it.  
**“Like an idiot?“**  
Y/N snorted. Yep, he had _definitely_ talked to Skylen. The General sighed, embarrassed for the third time in the past thirty minutes. If Y/N had been alone, she would have given herself a nice pat on the back for breaking his careless appearance so many times. It was truly an achievement.  
**“You remind me of myself a few years ago. When I was pissing Leia off by doing stupid things,“** he said, a fond smile forming on his lips as he reminisced. **“She tried to teach me not to be an idiot. Tried to tell me I needed to think things through but at the same time, she trusted me to handle things. I made a lot of mistakes, some of them costed their lives to other rebels.“**  
His expression darkened a bit when he said that. Although Y/N was certain he had never intended to cause harm to anyone, she also knew he would never really forgive himself for putting his friends in harm’s way.  
**“I thought that maybe, if I wasn’t overly friendly with you and approached you like a regular leader would, you wouldn’t take the path I took and feel like you had room to disobey orders if you knew you could handle the situation. We’re too much alike for your own good when it comes to some things. Recklessness is one of them. I was so sure I could spare you the pain of going through me reprimanding you. I know I was an idiot and what I did wasn’t very General-esque of me, but Maker, you piss me off, sometimes, and I can’t keep my cool. I feel like Leia and I understand now how annoying I was to her,“** he concluded with a laugh.  
  
Wow.  
That was… Insightful of him.  
He truly had learned a lot from Leia.   
And his reasoning made sense. Had he exposed it to her, Y/N would have agreed to it wholeheartedly and with no questions asked. But he had tried to carry the burden of this task alone, which was noble of him but vowed to fail.  
His pilot knew him too well already not to notice the sudden change of behavior.  
**“Well, you were wrong,“** was all Y/N said, although it was a playful jab and not an annoyed statement. Poe smiled as the young woman leaned backward, resting on her hands for support.  
**“Apparently,“** he simply answered. Ha! How many times that day had she proven him wrong? That was one for the books.  
  
**“And I do want to point out that I’m taking it as a compliment,“** the H/C added. **"To be compared to you."** Poe smirked at that, the corners of his mouth twitching upward timidly. He was trying not to grin like an idiot.  
**“I’m not sure you should. Some people would call me an impulsive fly-boy,“** he answered, clearly amused. Y/N humored him with a snort.  
**“Yeah, well, I care little for their opinion. They’re not Generals of the Resistance, are they?“**  
This time, his smile grew impossibly bigger and he gave her a toothy grin.   
**“I guess not.“**  
**“So I’ll take being compared to you as a sign that I’m doing something right.“**  
He laughed, his eyes twinkling and his hair bouncing around softly. When he spoke up again, he had a shit-eating grin on his face.  
**“Careful, Keebler, you’re fueling my ego.“**  
The comeback jumped from her mouth before she could even think about stopping it.  
**“Oh, we both know you don’t need me for that, Dameron.“**  
  
She didn’t have time to realize what he had planned. In a split second, he had swept her arms from underneath her, and Y/N fell back on the mat with a wince and an exaggerated groan. She burst out laughing as he pinned her down again.  
**“Poe! What are you doing?“** She asked in a fit of giggles. His face was back over hers and he was grinning proudly.  
**“You take that back, Keebler.“**  
**“Let me go!“** She laughed, weakly trying to get him to loosen his grip, but he didn’t budge. He seemed to find the situation hilarious, and his eyes were shining in amusement.  
**“I don’t think so. Wanna get up? Earn it. That’s your punishment for calling me cocky.“**  
Y/N laughed louder, tears of laughter prickling at the corners of her eyes. He was being silly, and she wasn’t complaining. The tension that had been building up during the past few weeks was slowly dissipating.   
**“But you _ARE_!“**  
**“You’re not making your situation better, Thunderbird.“**  
She laughed again, her ribs now hurting. She tried to get up, but he leaned forward, even more, effectively stopping her from moving her chest. She tried to swing her legs but she was laughing too hard to.  
**“I can’t! Let me go, Porg Head!“**  
Tears were streaming down her cheeks, now, rolling over their apples and then down toward the ground. They were both breathless with laughter, and Poe let his head fall forward a bit. If they were close before, they were even closer now. So close that Y/N could feel his breath fanning over her lips.  
  
**“Am I interrupting? Do you need a room?“**  
Both of them almost jumped out of their skins at the sound of Finn’s voice.  
In a split second, and with great difficulty as they both tried to entangle their limbs but made things worse by not cooperating, they got away from each other, shameful like kids caught doing something really bad. Y/N was bright red and Poe seemed… Annoyed. Or just really uncomfortable.  
And Finn, well.  
Finn was grinning like a maniac.  
  
Y/N dusted off her clothes and tried to fix her hair as Poe took the lead and answered Finn’s question.  
**“Interrupting? What did you interrupt? You haven’t interrupted anything, we weren’t doing anything. Why would you be interrupted something if we weren’t doing anything, to begin with?“**  
Ah, Kriff.  
He was babbling.  
And Finn was enjoying himself way too much.  
**“Poe,“** she whispered as the ex-stormtrooper laughed.  
**“I’m shutting up,“** he answered just as quietly.  
**“Right. Well, I was coming to check up on the both of you since you’ve been gone for quite a while and I wanted me to make sure you hadn’t killed each other yet. I can see it’s quite the contrary.“**  
  
The way he was staring at Poe with both of his eyebrows raised told Y/N everything she needed to know.  
He was NEVER going to let them live that one down.  
**“We’re fine. Everything is fine. Nothing to see here. We were training, as usual. You know. The usual training stuff we do. Because we train together-“**  
**“Y/N,“** Poe warned.  
**“Yes. Okay. This is too awkward for me. He is your co-leader, so have fun with your General duties,“** she mumbled as she all but ran past Finn, shooting him what she intended to be a polite smile but looked like an awkward, toothy grin.  
And as she left the training room, she heard their voices again.  
**“What did you do to get the poor girl this flustered, Poe?“**  
**“What? I- _NOTHING_! We were _not_ \- I wasn’t- I hate you, Finn.”**

——————————

  
Y/N took advantage of the rest of her day to relax. Now that she had cleared the air with Poe, she felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. It was equally irritating and interesting to see just how badly he could impact her mood. It hadn’t taken long for her to get used to him and build her new life around the new relationships she had started to form.  
It scared her. But she couldn’t do anything about it but try to relax. Although it had crossed her mind as she had walked away from Poe earlier, she couldn’t leave them. Her place was here, on Kuat, she was now sure of it.   
And she couldn’t leave someone behind a second time. Once had been enough.  
  
Even though she was in a good mood, she still felt slightly irritated when her commlink beeped with an incoming message from Poe. He had called for a meeting with both of the squadrons he was responsible for. Undoubtedly about the upcoming mission, and she didn’t understand why she was invited, but she wasn’t about to complain.   
She met with Klana in the meeting room they had been called to, making her way through the thick crowd as discretely as she could. She finally reached her friend and leaned against the wall by her side. The curly-haired pilot looked her up and down and smirked.  
**“You look less angry than earlier. Did you kiss and make up with Poe?“**  
Y/N shrieked in terror, barely hiding it behind a loud cough as Klana snickered. She had been understanding enough not to press the matter further, leaving it for Skylen to deal with, but now that things had calmed down, of COURSE, she was more than eager to tease her about it.  
**“We did NOT- Kriff, you’re worse than Skylen, aren’t you? You’re just better at hiding it.“**  
She cackled as silence fell on the crowd, Poe and Finn entering the room. The latter locked eyes with Y/N and grinned like an idiot. Klana noticed as Y/N turned bright red.  
He was never going to forget what he had walked on.  
  
**“Pilots, there has been a change of plans,“** Poe started, naturally drawing attention on him as he spoke.  
Ah, here it was. He was going to announce the new pilot who would accompany him on Hoth-  
**“We’re not leaving tomorrow. The scouts we sent told us that the sky is crystal clear. Something has disturbed the storm cycle. Which shows we were right, something is happening. And it also sucks, because we will have to postpone the mission. We will leave in three days instead. For now, get some rest. You have tomorrow free and we will go on one last run the day after. Let’s bring our A-game, okay?“**  
Excited cheers replaced the disappointed groans that had arose when he had announced the change of plans. Y/N frowned. What did it mean for-  
**“Also, what you flew as today will be what you’ll be flying as when we leave for Hoth. So don’t relax too hard, I’ll need you to be at the top of your game. Now, you’re dismissed, go and grab a drink for me, alright?“**  
  
People chuckled as Y/N stared in silence, her eyes looking for Poe’s. He finally looked in her direction, a smile on his lips.  
She was still flying with him? He had…  
_Oh_.  
An indescribable feeling of happiness filled her chest as she understood.  
_Thank you_ , she mouthed at the General. He just winked and left the room.  
Y/N turned to Klana, but couldn’t find her friend. She must have been waiting outside for her. The H/CH/C quickly made her way out of the room, smiling like an idiot, searching for her friends in the crows of excited pilots. But she couldn’t find Skylen or Klana.  
Where on Coruscant-  
**“Y/N!“**  
Her head snapped toward the owner of the voice. Klana, who looked positively rattled.   
  
**“What’s wrong?“** She asked, brows furrowed. The pilot shook her head.  
**“Oh, Y/N. It’s not good. Not good. Us leaving in three days instead of tomorrow… This is a disaster.“**  
Huh. She wasn’t usually such a drama queen, which meant something was wrong. Y/N put her hands on her friend’s shoulders.  
**“What’s wrong? What’s going on?“**  
She shook her head, curls bouncing around her face.   
**“It’s… It’s Skylen.“**  
Skylen? What about him? She had seen him just hours ago and he looked fine. Y/N frowned harder. Now that she was thinking about it, she hadn’t seen him in the meeting room.  
He never missed a meeting.  
**“What about him?“**  
Klana took a deep breath and sighed just as deeply.  
**“He is in trouble, Y/N. Really in trouble. And I think you’re the only one who can help.“**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fluff was supposed to be shorter, but then, I got carried away, and oooops. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter! Get ready for more fluff, more action, and new hints about Y/N's story... hehe. Stay safe, see you soon <3


	11. New Person, Same Old Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klana and Y/N team up to help Skylen. Poe and his squads take off for the first high-stakes mission since Y/N's arrival... And, as usual, something doesn't go as it should have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Cursing, mention of canon-typical death. Also, watch me make things up regarding how time works in Star Wars because it's a mess

**“COMING THROUGH!“**  
People jumped out of Y/N’s way as she all but bolted through the hallway, attracting wide-eyed stares and surprised snorts as she made her way through the base. Dressed down in her civilian attire, hair high in a ponytail that had seen better days and was already coming loose. In her hands, a crate she could barely see the top of. It was a miracle, really, that she hadn’t bumped into anyone yet. Her eyes were barely above the metallic box, E/C orbs the only thing that could be seen from her face.   
The day had been off to a flying start. Even though it was technically a day off, Y/N had jumped out of her bed with only one goal in mind: find Klana. The talk they had shared the previous day was still fresh in her mind, and the pilot had barely stopped long enough to chug a steaming cup of coffee. She had then run out of the cafeteria, leaving puzzled looks in her wake, sending a “sorry“ above her shoulder as she had barely avoided running into Poe who had just laughed and given her a shrug. He seemed to be quite used to the shenanigans of his fellow soldiers.

However, she hadn’t run into Skylen. He wasn’t in his usual spot, talking Kloon’s ear off while broodingly drinking a cup of coffee. His laugh hadn’t filled the cafeteria as he laughed obnoxiously loudly to Klana’s joke.  
No, no one had seen him since the briefing the day before. And Y/N knew why, had expected it… But it still hurt.  
As she balanced the crate and took a sharp turn at the end of the hallway, her mind went back to what Klana had told her the night before, while they were sitting on her X-Wing.

—————————

_**“So…“** Y/N trailed off, setting down her empty cup of coffee._  
_Both pilots were sitting on the edge of the left wing on Klana’s ship, legs dangling in the air. Mechanics were actively running around, carrying big crates of tools that dangled and rattled loudly as they moved in the boxes. Making sure her cup wouldn’t accidentally slide off, Y/N looked down, noticing that someone had scrapped a date in the paint of the ship. She smiled softly. It was always nice to see people making their ship their own._  
_The night was slowly falling on Kuat, but the landing strip was as bright as ever. Behind them, the jungle rustled to life as the animals came out of hiding. Bats were already flying around, taking the pilots’ place as the rulers of the sky. Everything was colored with a golden hue, and Klana’s rich skin looked like it was glowing. Her eyes, however, weren’t as shiny as they usually were. They were dull, and she had a pensive look on her face. The corners of her mouth were tilted downward ever-so-sightly in a soft, tired look._

_When she didn’t reply, Y/N took it upon herself to nudge her in the right direction. She had, after all, insisted they talked about Skylen. She was worried about their friend, whom she hadn’t seen since he had come to check up on her earlier that day. It was fairly unusual, and Y/N was sure it was on purpose on his part since he was loud and couldn’t just be discreet._  
_That wasn’t part of his vocabulary._  
_**“What is so special about us leaving tomorrow?“** She asked, and the curly-haired pilot sighed. She rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand but it did nothing to erase the worried lines creasing it._  
_**“Tomorrow is Skylen’s birthday. He’s turning thirty.“** _  
_Y/N frowned and tilted her head to the side, confusion written on her face. Klana hadn’t looked up from the spot on the ground she had found a sudden interest in, legs moving back and forth and she watched her shadow dance on the asphalt._  
_**“And that’s… Not good?“** She asked, unsure. Klana finally looked at her, brown eyes full of sadness._  
_**“Skylen was born on day twenty of the seventh month of the Galactic Standard Calendar, in six after the Battle of Yavin. It was a Zhellday. And twenty-five years later, on day twenty of the seventh month of 31 ABY, on a Zhellday too, his brother was killed.“** _  
_Oh._  
_Oh._

_Y/N sighed, watching as Klana silently took a sip of her now cold coffee. She grimaced and forced herself to gulp down the liquid._  
_**“His name was Cen. He was the Commander of Green Squad. A seasoned pilot. Five years older than Skylen. Served with Poe in the Republic Navy. He was shy, but a fierce warrior. Could shoot a loth-cat from a hundred meters away, too. He went down with half of his squadron that day. They were ambushed by an elite squad of the First Order.“** _  
_Y/N felt her stomach drop. No. It couldn’t be…_  
_No, it was before her time. She hadn’t joined the Imperial Navy at this time. Klana noticed her sudden terrified look and shook her head._  
_**“It wasn’t your squad. But it doesn’t matter. Skylen… He was celebrating his birthday that night. Leia tried to warn him, but he was drunk and they had to wait the following morning. It traumatized him. He hasn’t celebrated a single birthday since. I usually find ways to keep him busy so he doesn’t have time to think about it, but the years I can’t, he locks himself up in his room and doesn’t come out all day.“** _

_Oh, no. Poor Skylen._  
_So he had picked up the squad after his brother had died. Trained as a pilot to honor his memory._  
_It broke Y/N’s heart._  
_Skylen was a good man. He didn’t deserve this. His brother didn’t deserve this._  
_But the war had never cared about morality. It reaped soldiers away from their families regardless of the kindness in their souls._  
**_“But I’ve had enough.“_ **  
_Klana’s sudden outburst caught her friend’s attention and the H/C pilot snapped her head to the side, eyes wide. Klana’s were burning with determination._  
_**“I knew Cen. He wouldn’t want Skylen to beat himself up for the rest of his life. So that’s it. This year, we’re breaking him out of his vicious circle. We don’t have to go out or anything. I just won’t let him brood all day. Turning thirty is a milestone. I tried to get him to move last year, but he wouldn’t listen to me. Maybe he will listen to you. Because he can relate to you. You’ve had your life robbed from you, too.“** _  
_Well. It was one way of looking at it._

_Y/N sighed. She wasn’t sure it was such a good idea. If Skylen was comfortable by himself, he had a right to stay on his own. Grief was a mysterious thing. Everyone coped differently._  
_Her facial expression must have given her thoughts away because when she opened her mouth to diplomatically express her disagreement, Klana beat her to it._  
_**“No! I don’t want to hear it! You have that look on his face. The ‘But Klana, it’s for the best’ look. That’s Bantha shit! I know Skylen. He doesn’t know how to express his feelings differently. He isn’t choosing to suffer alone, he just doesn’t know better! So I won’t let you give me the same speech Poe gave me last time,“** she said, anger bubbling out of her mouth. She had a look of pure determination in her eyes and although she was usually a calm, level-headed person, she seemed truly passionate about this particular subject. Y/N moved her hands up and down in a calming motion as the wing they were sitting on shook._  
_**“Okay, okay. I get it. Operation ‘Save Skylen From Being Depressed’ is on.“** _  
_She straightened her back, putting a determined face on._  
_**“What is your plan, Lieutenant Klana?“** _  
_She smirked._

—————————

Turns out her plan included way more steps than Y/N had anticipated.  
She had even made a spreadsheet on her holopad she had sent her friend that night (Y/N had no idea she could even make a spreadsheet on her holopad. Who on Kuat would even- never mind.). Not only did she want to celebrate with Skylen, but she also had a fully-developed plan to do so.  
First, decorate a room exactly like Dantooine.   
Since Skylen was homesick and they couldn’t bring him to his home, they would bring his home to him.   
They had found a disaffected room in a sector that wasn’t too far from Skylen’s quarters since Klana was sure he wouldn’t want to walk too far. If they managed to get him out of his room, asking for him to cross the entire base was definitely going to make him turn back.  
How the curly-haired pilot had managed to convince Poe to let them trash a whole room was beyond Y/N’s understanding. She wasn’t even sure her friend had left any choice to the poor General.

Then, good food. The droids would take care of that part. Their goal was to cook Skylen’s favorite meals and have them ready for eight that night. The diligent robots had nodded and immediately gone to work, probably sensing that any screw-ups would lead to their immediate demise.  
Klana was, apparently, really good with a blaster, and they didn’t seem to be particularly fond of the idea of having their circuits fried.  
And then, last but not least, gifts.  
This part, they were still working on, and to be honest, Y/N hadn’t had time to worry about it yet. She was too focused on not dropping the crate of lights she was balancing in her-  
**“Careful-“**  
**“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!“**  
What was bound to happen, happened.

Her feet caught something on the floor and she went flying forward, dropping the crate and losing her balance. Two strong hands tried to slow down her fall but to no avail. Both she and her savior fell to the ground with an ‘oof’.  
**“Well, that was an epic fail.“**  
Wait, that voice…  
Y/N pushed on her elbow, coming to sit on the ground next to the poor guy who had cushioned her fall. Finn was rubbing his shoulder. Even though it was protected by his leather jacket, it mush still have hurt, and Y/N was mortified.  
**“Finn! I’m so sorry! Oh, Stars, I hadn’t seen you. I mean, I couldn’t see very much, but I should have-“**  
He interrupted her rant with a laugh.  
**“Hey, relax! No harm is done. Are you okay? You look, hum…“**  
He squinted a bit, obviously trying not to be rude. Y/N waved him off with a chuckle.  
**“I’m a mess, yes. I’ve been running around all day long. I’m sorry, I was going to sector seven with these…“** she said, nodding toward the crate lying pityingly a meter away from them. Finn nodded.

 **“I see.“**  
And then, with a conspiring look, he leaned forward on his knees.  
**“They’re for Skylen, aren’t they?“**  
Y/N shushed him loudly, frantically looking left, then right, to make sure there wasn’t a soul around. Even though her analysis came back clear, she still leaned forward too.  
**“How do you know about that? I mean, about the thing we’re doing. Not his birthday. Of course you’d know it’s his birthday.“**  
Finn laughed and cocked an eyebrow, looking at the woman thoughtfully.  
**“You know you’re starting to sound like Poe? He rambles when he is bugged by something. You were really quiet before, and now, look at you!“**  
She rolled her eyes and hit his thigh playfully.  
**“Okay, I’m offended. I need to spend less time with him if that’s the side effect.“**  
Finn cackled and wiggled his eyebrows. Oh no, not him-  
**“You didn’t seem to mind, yesterday, did you? Ow! That was my knee! But yes, I do know about your party. Klana came by the commanding room this morning, asked Poe for the key code to the room you’re using.“**  
He paused for a beat, frowning.  
**“Well, actually, she ordered for him to give it to her and I’m not sure he really minded.“**  
Klana bossing Poe around… Now that was something she was disappointed to have missed! The pilot snorted at her friend’s antics. Klana was so dedicated and driven, it was incredible. She hoped her efforts wouldn’t be in vain. No, she couldn’t think like this. She had to stay positive, for Klana’s sake.  
For Skylen.

Finn stood up and helped her up as well with no effort, looking her upside down to make sure she wasn’t injured.  
**“I’d help you, but she said she wouldn’t have anyone but you involved. Something about having more chances with Skylen this way, I don’t know… Anyway. We will stay out of your way, but can I at least help you with this crate? It looks really heavy.“**  
Y/N winced and looked down at the crate offensively staring at her from its spot on the floor. It was heavy.   
**“Sure. If that’s not too much trouble.“**  
She had barely finished her sentence that Finn was already crouching down and picking the crate up, with much less struggle than her. She tried to ask him if he was alright and he just gave her a reassuring hum. Y/N took it as her cue to start leading the way and the two of them made their way through the hallways.  
**“You know, I think it’s nice. What you’re doing for Skylen. But I’m not too sure it’ll work. Some things… There are some things people just don’t want to share."**

Since he was taller than her (who wasn’t, really), she could see his face and the concerned look on it. Y/N frowned, biting back a question. Finn had had his fair share of secrets and traumatizing past experiences, but she felt like this was about something else than his time in the First Order. Just a feeling she had.  
His eyes went down to her chest and he nodded toward her.  
**“That necklace. You always have it with you, don’t you?“**  
Y/N looked down at the piece of jewelry that had come out of her shirt, escaping the prison between her breasts for everyone to see. She had even forgotten it was here, it was such a part of her, at this point. Finn had shown an interest in it already when they had first met, which was strange because the woman was quite sure it wasn’t visible at that time.  
**“Yeah. I’ve had it for years. It’s the only thing I never parted ways with, not even in the First Order. I’ve no idea where it comes from, though. It seems to be well-made, It’s completely sealed. It’s not a locket, just a golden-looking little ball.“**  
It couldn’t have been bigger than two centimeters large. Such a mystery. Finn nodded, thoughtful, as they turned around the corner to reach their destination. Various crates were already lying around in front of the open door, and music could be heard from the inside. 

The General stopped and winced.  
**“I’m not going in there. I don’t want to risk pissing Klana off. She’s super nice, but so scary when she’s angry.“**  
That, Y/N couldn’t argue with.  
He gently gave the crate back to her and patted her shoulder. Hey, she wasn’t the only one who had picked things up from Poe’s book!  
**“Good luck. For what it’s worth, I hope you two succeed.“**  
**“Thanks, Finn.“**  
With a smile, he went back from where they had come from, just as Klana popped her head outside.  
**“You’re here! Huh, it’s weird. I could have sworn I heard Finn’s voice…“**  
She trailed off, squinting at Y/N who did her best to put on an innocent look.  
**“Finn? What Finn? Our Finn? No, I haven’t seen him since last night.“**  
Klana squinted harder.  
Gulp.  
**“Ah, whatever! Come inside! We have a lot of work to do and so little time! So get your cute butt inside, missy!“**  
Y/N chuckled and went after her, eager to put the damn thing down.

Okay.  
If someone asked ‘are you proud of your work?’ Y/N would say ‘KRIFF YEAH’ in a heartbeat.  
Because, quite honestly, they had outdone themselves.  
The room wasn’t spacious, barely bigger than her own. It had no pieces of furniture inside, though, so they had to grab some from other rooms. But they had managed to set up a nice, cozy, natural-looking room.  
Literally natural-looking.  
Oh, the looks they had got from going outside and bringing dirt and plants to put on display.   
Klana had picked this particular room because the display screen was on the wall opposite to the door, which had been of great use to them. It was currently showing an empty field, with plants caressed by soft gushes of wind. The two women had set up a bar against the wall on the right, decorating the said wall with vines and white drapes. Fairy lights were expertly intertwined with the chairs’ legs, giving the room a soft source of light.   
Save for a little trail, the floor was covered with high strands of grass they had spent the day retrieving. It gave the perfect illusion of them being in a field, outside. Klana had turned on the air conditioning system and it blew a soft, hot breeze around them. Moss covered various spots of the room and they had (with great difficulties) hung a dark blue piece of fabric on the ceiling to create a fake sky.  
Okay, yeah, they were damn proud of themselves.

Klana squealed and Y/N turned to her friend. She was grinning like crazy and her eyes were glossy with proud tears.  
**“Maker! It’s exactly like I remember! Skylen will love it, I just know it.“**  
The E/C-eyed pilot gave her a small smile and Klana frowned, then glared.  
**“No! Not that look! We WILL succeed! I won’t have any of your pessimism!“**  
Damn. Looks like Poe wasn’t the only one with mind-reading powers.   
**“Okay!“** She said, holding her hands out in surrender. **“Now, what, General?“**  
Klana rolled her eyes, taking her datapad from where she had left it on the bar. She read through the spreadsheet.  
**“Hm… It looks like it’s time for me to check in with the droids. Hold the fort, I’ll be back in fifteen minutes or so.“**  
And off she went, humming excitedly. Y/N chuckled. Her enthusiasm was refreshing. 

She took the opportunity to catch her breath, carefully sitting on a chair with a heavy sigh. She was spent. Stretching her legs, careful not to knock anything over, she started to think hard about Skylen’s gift. What could she get him? She had no idea! She probably didn’t have time to go to town and buy him something. And she didn’t exactly have much, either… She sighed.  
Although she hadn’t celebrated anything in years, she still remembered how important gifts were. They were little tokens of appreciation, and she couldn’t pass up the opportunity to show how much Skylen meant to her. Yes, he was an annoying ass. But he was her friend, too.   
This was the moment the sky chose to fall on her head, quite literally, since one of the sides of the piece of fabric they had fixed to the ceiling as coming undone. She sighed and stood up looking for a way to reach it without damaging anything. Carefully, she picked up a crate from outside of the room and put it on the only clear spot on the ground. It wasn’t right under her target, but it would do.  
Carefully, she climbed on it, standing on her toes to reach the damn thing. She was fairly short, and she was missing a couple of centimeters to be swift in her job. It didn’t help that the empty crate was wobbling under her feet, and she had to stop every two seconds to make sure she wouldn’t fall on something.  
And, yeah, maybe break her neck, too, but Klana would do that anyway if she ruined their efforts.

With a grimace, she stretched her back and arms backward to reach the piece that was flapping in front of the air conditioning. If only she could lean backward just slightly-  
**“FOR FU-“**  
The rest of her sentence was lost as a sharp pain in her left arm made her jump, and of course, yet again, she lost her balance, flailing energetically to try and regain her balance-  
Which made her fall to the side, at least.  
Welp, she was screwed.  
Except her guardian angel must have finally got rid of his hangover because someone caught her, yet again.  
If it was Finn again, she owed him big time.

But no, the cologne and scent of leather and citrus could only belong to one person.  
**“Wow, that was some impressive shriek.“**  
**“Shut up!“**  
Poe laughed and she felt his chest rumble against her as she turned bright red. He had caught her in his arms, in such a cliché way that if her arms weren’t trapped against him right now, she would have facepalmed.   
With his arms behind her shoulders and her knees, he had caught her effortlessly and was now grinning down at her with a confidence that got her rolling her eyes.  
**“Keep doing that and you might get stuck one day. Seeing how clumsy you already are with a working pair of eyes, that would be a shame.“**  
She hit his side with her heel and he feigned to drop her.  
**“Poe! Don’t even think about it!“**  
He was still laughing when he set her down and Y/N turned even redder. Of all people she could have fallen on, it HAD to be him. After that embarrassing moment, they had shared the day prior…

She absentmindedly brushed away any speck of dust that might have landed on her tank top as Poe stared at her intently.   
**“All jokes aside, are you okay? You winced pretty badly when you reached for that piece of fabric…“**  
Y/N smiled as he frowned in concern and gently toucher her left shoulder.  
**“Remember when I told you Ren caught me and I dislocated my shoulder? Well, I hurt myself pretty bad. Never got it checked, I just asked one of my pilots to put it back into place and carried on. Turns out I injured some hamstrings or something. If I stretch too hard, I get this prickling sensation. It doesn’t hurt, it’s just really uncomfortable.“**  
He hummed in understanding but his frown deepened. It always seemed to create a small dimple between his brow and little crow’s feet around his eyes.  
**“Hm. You should get that looked at.“**  
Ah, here we go.  
**“No, it’s okay,“** she said, shaking her head. **“It doesn’t bother me. It just surprised-“**  
**“Y/N, that isn’t a suggestion. Your well-being is important, too.“**  
His eyes didn’t leave hers for a few seconds until he was sure she had understood and then the frown was gone, replaced with a beaming smile.

 **“Now! Tell me, what can I help with?“** He asked, rubbing his hands together. Y/N winced, taking a look at the empty hallway outside. Klana wasn’t back yet, but she would kick his ass if she saw him.  
**“Poe, I appreciate the offer, but honestly, she’s going to hit you harder than a drop out of hyperspace if she sees you here.“**  
It was his turn to wince and he rubbed his neck.  
**“She would, wouldn’t she? Okay, well, let me at least fix that thing. I don’t want you to injure yourself.“**  
Y/N didn’t have the time to protest that he was already on the crate, securing the piece of fabric to its initial place. Once he was satisfied, and without any sign of struggle, he hopped down.  
**“See? Better.“**  
The woman chuckled as he took a look around and whistled appreciatively. Y/N was quite proud of how everything had turned out. And now that the piece of fabric was secured above their heads, everything was tied into place.

The small fairy lights gave a nice touch to the room, brightening Poe’s face and making his eyes glimmer. Or maybe that was his excitement transpiring in his hazel orbs, as it often did.  
**“You two did a number on this place.“**  
There was admiration in there and not the slightest hint of sarcasm. Y/N smiled softly.  
**“We did our best, yes.“**  
Silence settled around them, interrupted now and then by distant voices and metallic clatters coming from different parts of the base. It was never truly silent, but Y/N didn’t mind. It was still relatively quiet and peaceful, especially when Poe was around. That was so ironic if you considered how loud and energetic of a person he was.  
The pilot licked her lips, apprehension seeping in her bones as she started fidgeting, eyes shyly looking up at him. He was focused on the room, eyes roaming around with great interest, and she didn’t know whether she wanted to interrupt or not. But Klana would be back soon, and if she didn’t ask now, she wouldn’t get another opportunity.

 **“Poe?“**  
**“Hm?“**  
**“Do you think it’s going to work?“**  
He sighed and tore his gaze away from the mesmerizing scene displayed on the screen. Even though he was at least twenty centimeters taller than she was, Y/N never felt tiny by his side, even when she was standing so close to him.  
**“I don’t know, Keebler,“** he said truthfully. **“I’ve known Skylen for a long time, now. He and Cen were really close. There are things you never truly heal from. But it’s worth a shot. You’re new, he likes you, and you’ll have a different approach. If anyone has a chance at convincing him to start living again, it’s you. You know a thing or two about coming back from a dark place.“**  
Oh, how right he was. Y/N nodded thoughtfully and he put his hand on her shoulder with a smile.  
**“But we never lose hope around here, you must know that, right? So cheer up. I believe in you, so believe in yourself.“**  
If that was what it would take for Skylen to say yes, they were utterly screwed.

 **“Hey, you know, you should come here too, tonight,“** Y/N said, changing the subject. **“If- when he says yes, I’m sure he could use one more friendly face around.“**  
Poe chuckled but shook his head no.  
**“I appreciate it, but it’s not a good idea. There are things you women are better than us at.“**  
**“Piloting?“** She sassed, and he rolled his eyes.  
**“I’m gonna ignore that. No, I was talking about getting people to open up. And you’re especially good at that,“** he added, more softly this time.  
Y/N knew exactly what he was talking about. That night on Coruscant when he had talked to her about his doubts and his fear of losing yet another pilot to a war that had supposedly ended. They still didn’t know why ex-First Order pilots had been flying around in their old ships, nor what was happening on Hoth. So many unknown variables. They could very well be sparks that would light up the bushfire that was the cause of the separatists.   
**“Okay, if you’re sure,“** she simply said. Maybe Poe was right. He did know Skylen better than she did.

He hummed and then, out of nowhere, widened his eyes before slapping his forehead.  
**“Kriff! I almost forgot! I was here for a reason. I assume you have been too busy running around to get Skylen a gift, right?“**  
Stars, he was right, and Y/N felt terrible about it. What was she supposed to give him?!   
Upon seeing her distressed gaze, Poe laughed.  
**“Knew it. Hey, don’t look at me like that! It’s okay! Nobody could blame you. But anyway, since I can’t be there tonight and I couldn’t help you two out, I went shopping earlier today. Bought something for you to give him.“**  
He rummaged through his pockets, mumbling to himself as he seemingly tried to remember where he had put whatever he had brought with him. And then, with a triumphant ‘HA!’, he took out a neatly-folded, brown paper present. He handed it to Y/N who took it with a quizzical look.  
**“It’s a beard kit. A high-quality one. With a special oil made of some fancy thing, imported from Coruscant. He mentioned something about needing to buy one, the other day. So here it is.“**  
This was incredible! Considering how obsessed Skylen was with his beard (it was, after all, his most prized possession - he had even joked that it was worth much to him than his X-Wing, which had Poe shrieking), it was the perfect gift.  
But it was Poe’s.  
**“Oh, Poe, that’s great, but you sh-“**  
**“Nope. I bought it so YOU could give it to him. Come on, let me help you out, here. I want to be involved somehow.“**

Once again, he had anticipated what she was about to say and was now staring with both eyebrows raised, daring her to argue with him.  
She didn’t. He had gone out of his way for both Skylen and her, and Y/N had learned with age that there were times when it was better to keep your mouth shut.  
It was one of those times.  
**“Thank you, Poe,“** she simply said, and he grinned.

In the distance, footsteps echoed, getting dangerously closer to the room, and both pilots shared a worried look.  
**“Is that-“**  
**“Yes! Get out of here, Kriff!“**  
Poe laughed and took a step to the side, changing his mind at the last second and stopping dead in his tracks. He turned his head back toward Y/N’s, biting his lip before leaning forward and squeezing her forearm.  
**“Thank you for doing this.“**  
**“You’ll thank me later! Now go, before she kills you!“**  
He all but ran out of the room-  
**“GENERAL! WHAT IN HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?! I TOLD YOU NOT TO-“**  
**“I’m not here! This isn’t me!“**  
Klana’s shriek followed after him as he disappeared around the corner, leaving Y/N howling with laughter behind.

But the H/C quickly fell silent when her friend stepped inside the room, eyes a mere, thin line. Y/N held her breath and squirmed under her friend’s scrutinizing gaze. The silence stretched out like a jump into hyperspace, and then-  
**“That’s the second time today you find yourself in the company of one of our leaders. Should I be worried about upcoming rumors?“**  
Y/N huffed, turning bright red. The fresh memory of her landing in Poe’s arms insidiously flashed in her head and she shook it vehemently.  
**“Of course not. What are you even insinuating? How did it go with the droids?“**  
Klana stared for a little bit longer before breaking out of her scary role and excitedly telling her friend about the food they had prepped, while the other pilot put the present in her inner pocket.   
Things were all going according to the plan.  
Maybe everything would be alright.

————————

Y/N knocked three times, but she barely heard it above the sound of her beating heart.  
She was terrified.  
Hell, she wasn’t sure she had ever been more stressed in her entire life. Her first flight with the First Order? Bantha shit, in comparison! Her arrival on Kuat? Like a vacation on Naboo!  
No, the stakes were too high for her to screw up. She couldn’t fail. She wouldn’t fail! Klana, Poe, and Skylen - unbeknownst to him - were counting on her.

The door finally whooshed open and Skylen stood there. He was wearing a tank top and a pair of sweats in the pockets of which he had buried his hands. His sandy hair was slightly messy and behind him, Y/N could see a holovid paused. He frowned slightly when he saw his friend but didn’t say anything, which showed exactly how unusual that day was.  
**“Hey, Furball,“** she said softly. He didn’t say anything for a long time, just staring at her in silence. And then,  
**“She told you.“**  
It wasn’t a question but Y/N nodded anyway. Skylen sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance.  
**“Listen. It’s nice of you to have swung by, but I don’t-“**  
**“Oh, no, you shut up and listen to me.“**

This seemed to get him to snap out of it.  
He looked up, surprise written on his feature. Y/N stood, chin held high, arms crossed on her chest.  
**“Yeah, Klana sent me there. And I’m glad she did because now, I can see just how bad things are. Did you even trim your beard this morning?“** She asked, and he looked away. **“I knew it! I won’t coddle you. They’ve tried and they’ve failed. I’m here to tell you to get your butt in a decent outfit and get the Kriff out of your room. Now.“**  
The shadow of a smile passed on his face but he shook his head, running a tired hand in his beard.  
**“I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m gonna have to decline. So have a nice evening, Y/N.“**  
He hit the button and the door swooshed closed but Y/N jammed her foot in the opening before it could go all the way. The metallic panel shrieked back open and Skyline raised both of his eyebrows.  
**“I won’t accept no for an answer.“**

He groaned and mumbled something she didn’t quite catch but that was dangerously close to ‘you’re just as annoying as Dameron’.  
If that was what he had said, then she would take it as a compliment.  
… Maybe. Because Poe _was_ annoying when he wanted to. Which seemed to be quite often.  
**“You don’t understand. You never had a family. Not one you remember anyway,“** Skylen mumbled, and although Y/N knew he wasn’t trying to be hurtful on purpose, it still stung. Yes. She had no idea who her family was, if they were still alive, if she had siblings, or not. She didn’t even know her real date of birth, although the doctors of the First Order had analyzed that she was born in 7 ABY.  
And even though he wasn’t being an ass for the sake of it, she still decided to give him some heat when she opened her mouth to answer.  
**“No, you’re right. But I had a life. It wasn’t a good one, but it was mine, and they were people I cared about in it. And I was the one that got away. I inflicted the pain of leaving on myself. I killed them. And that’s exactly what you’re doing right now. You’re the one getting away. You’re ruining the person your brother used to call his sibling. And yeah, I know. This Skylen belongs to the past. You won’t get him back. But I don’t believe that he is entirely gone. He has evolved. Taken responsibilities. Learned, grown. In every aspect of his life, but this one. What would Cen say if he saw you, huh? What would he say if he saw you surrendering a part of yourself to the First Order?“** She said, provoking him on purpose. It seemed to get on his nerves because he cursed under his breath.  
**“That’s not-“**  
**“Is that what you want him to see from the afterlife?“** She interrupted him. **“His brother who stood tall against the tyranny of the Sith, who took a stand against the separatists, who fought for the Rebellion and never lost hope in its cause, loose hope in himself? Let them win by getting into his head? By having him think them killing him was your fault when you did nothing wrong? I thought the Resistance never gave up! And you never did. So don’t give up on your life either.“**

The silence stretched between the two of them, standing on the threshold of his room like an awkward guest. Skylen’s blue eyes were burning a hole in Y/N’s as he stared silently, mulling over her words.  
Kriff, that was it, she had blown her chance up-  
**“Wait here, I’ll get changed,“** he sighed.  
Y/N couldn’t do anything but do as she was told as he disappeared back inside, grumbling to himself. She quickly typed a message to Klana on her wrist commlink and the number of exclamation marks she received as an answer translated her exact thoughts.  
Had she done it?!  
Skylen locked himself in the bathroom for a few minutes and came back wearing a shirt, a pair of black fitted pants, and, more importantly, trimmed facial hair.  
**“Where to, Thunderbird?“**  
She led him through the hallways and neither of them said anything. Skylen seemed lost in thoughts and Y/N couldn’t bring herself to be so daring again and open her mouth. She had been quite rash, and even though it had worked, she still felt bad. 

**“It’s just around the corner,“** she said suddenly, and Skylen visibly tensed up. What was he afraid of? That they had thrown him a big party?   
Y/N led the way and stood in front of the closed door with a timid smile on her face. Once Skylen had stopped as well, she punched in the code and stepped aside.  
**“Welcome,“** she said, as the room was revealed.  
He immediately relaxed when he saw Klana standing alone with a bottle of Jawa Juice.  
**“Surprise!“** She said in an insecure voice. Silence settled between the three of them, and then-  
Skylen burst out laughing.  
**“Ha! Jawa Juice! You girls did well. Scoot over, Duckling, I see a bottle with my name on it. Kriff, did you two did all of this? It’s awesome!“**  
As he stepped inside, Y/N and Klana exchanged a knowing look, and satisfaction bloomed in her chest, mixed with happiness to see him so… himself.  
They had done it. Skylen was now one step closer to forgiving himself.  
Poe was right to believe in her, after all.

Y/N knew that once Skylen was comfortable, the evening would go smoothly.  
She just hadn’t anticipated that he would relax _THIS MUCH_ and be _THAT_ cheeky.  
Once they had gotten past the initial awkwardness caused by the peculiarity of the event, everything fell into place. Skylen had been more than bedazzled by the decorations inside the room. Y/N was convinced she had seen happy tears in his eyes as he had taken a look around. As he was pointing at the screen with enthusiasm, the woman had looked up, seeing the piece of fabric still tightly secured above their heads. The hint of a smile had made its way on her face.

Now, sitting on the chairs Klana had lovingly decorated, the three pilots were laughing, a drink in their hands. Skylen was leaning back with his legs extended, popping appetizers in his mouth at an insane speed. Was he even chewing? Ah, it didn’t matter, as long as he was having fun. He was laughing, and so was Y/N, for a reason she couldn’t remember. That was probably the fault of the Jawa Juice they had been chugging for an hour already. The makeshift bar the two women had put up was covered with plates and delicious food items, although half of them were now reduced to crumbs as they had been mercilessly devoured.  
Y/N didn’t know if it was the alcohol talking or if she was genuinely relaxed, but her money was on the second option. Large gatherings had never been her thing; and being here with the first two friends she had made in years had a special flavor.  
And seeing Skylen so genuinely happy warmed her heart. The man might have been scruffy-looking and had an imposing aura, he was tender at heart. Unknowingly seeing him suffering was difficult. He deserved to not feel guilty anymore.  
**“COME ON! It’s my birthday! Never Have I Ever it is!“** He yelled, half spilling his glass. Y/N let out a playful groan as Klana snickered. She had probably been through the game enough times for Skylen to know her embarrassing secrets…  
**“FINE! You ass,“** the woman mumbled, and Skylen cheered before knocking back the rest of his drink. He popped two more appetizers in his mouth before excitedly slapping his hands together.   
**“Okay. What can I ask you two…“**

Turns out he had a lot of ideas.  
They had only been playing for twenty minutes that Y/N had already confessed she had stolen from Hux and accidentally cut someone’s finger off.  
Don’t ask.  
Skylen was having the time of his life and his friend was mortified.  
But it was his birthday, and she knew it was all fun and games anyway.  
**“Ohhh, I have a juicy one,“** Klana set, giggling excitingly as Y/N chomped on whatever the dish was called while cursing mentally. **“Never have I ever had a crush on a coworker!“**  
And both pilots stared pointedly at their friend who all but choked on her piece of meat. Skylen gave one of his infamous laughs, turning red with laughter.  
**“HAH! You should see your face, Duckling! You don’t even have to drink up for us to know you did!“**  
Y/N mumbled some incoherent insults under her breath as she took a sip and watched the two other pilots do so as well. At least she wasn’t the only one.  
**“Okay. I’ll go first! It was a communication officer. So handsome. And really gay, too. I was bummed.“**  
The other two laughed and Skylen slammed his fist on the table.  
**“Hey! Me too!“**  
Y/N laughed even harder for a few seconds before she realized it was her turn to confess and she winced.  
Kriff. She wasn’t getting out of that one.  
**“Okay, first of all, it happened when I was in the First Order-“**  
Both of her friends groaned in annoyance as she cackled.  
**“Hey! That’s cheating! Come on!“**  
**“You never said anything about it needing to be a Resistance crush-“**  
**“You Rancor!“**

Y/N snickered as Klana facepalmed.  
**“Ah! It’s my fault! But come on, go ahead, I want to know about it anyway.“**  
Ah, Kriff. Y/N licked her lips and her tongue came back coated with the last of Jawa Juice, tingling in her mouth.  
**“He was a pilot, too. Crazy and crazy hot too.“**  
Skylen and Klana exchanged a look and Y/N winced in anticipation.  
**“Sounds familiar!“** The birthday boy said, wiggling his eyebrows as he laughed his ass off. Y/N cursed. Of course, they would comment on it.   
**“Alright. I need to use the 'fresher. You two go back to gossiping like idiots,“** she said, standing up. Their laughter echoed after her as she walked back to her quarters, shaking her head to herself, unable to contain the giggle that pushed passer her lips.  
Ah, idiots.

When she came back a few minutes later, no loud laugh could be heard. The music Klana had put in the background had been turned down slightly and Y/N slowed down, frowning. Had they gotten complaints? No, there wasn’t any room around and Poe had green-lighted the party that morning.  
As she got closer, she picked up faint voices. Skylen’s, but Klana’s as well. The pilot stopped dead in her tracks, E/C eyes staring at the door left ajar. Should she… Interrupt? Go back to give them some privacy?   
**“…I was so sure it was my fault. That somehow, I could have done more. Even if I know it was already too late when Leia tried to break the news. But I blamed myself for not being the one who told my folks…“**  
**“You couldn’t have known, Skylen. It’s not your fault. And I’m sure Cen would be happy to know you were having fun. It was so rare to be able to enjoy yourself during the war…“**  
Silence, followed my a humorless snort.  
**“Don’t we both know it, huh.“**  
Silence, again. Y/N was rooted to the spot. She knew it was impolite to eavesdrop, but they might hear her if she walked away now, and Skylen needed to talk to someone.  
**“I’m sorry for blowing you off all those years. I was just… So ashamed of myself. Everyone lost someone at some point, and I just couldn’t get over it. You were all there by their side when it happened and I was drunk out of my mind. I know you were trying to help…“**  
**“Oh, Skylen. Don’t apologize. You did what you felt was best for you. I know how hard it was. For what it’s worth, Cen would be proud of you.“**  
Y/N smiled. She was truly happy that Skylen was at peace with his grief. And he deserved to be happy again.  
He was really lucky to have someone like Klana by his side to help him out. Five years into his grief and she hadn’t given up. Her unwavering support was unmatched.

She shook her head and marched inside right as her two friends parted ways from their hug.  
**“Okay! I hope you’re not too disappointed that I wasn’t actually gone to fetch other guests.“**  
He laughed and stretched slightly.  
**“Nah. I’m glad I get to spend my birthday with my two favorite girls.“**  
The two women awed playfully as he grabbed them both by their shoulders, squishing their faces against his. Y/N hissed like a loth cat when his beard scratched her, yelping a ‘hands-off, Furball!’ as he laughed even louder.

———————

The rest of the evening was, admittedly, a bit blurry now. The H/C was slightly ashamed to confess that the Jawa Juice made her head spin, but she did remember giving Skylen his gifts. The beard kit had been a total hit and the man couldn’t stop raving about how ‘soft and luscious’ his beard would be from now, which had both women rolling their eyes. He was obsessed. Y/N was sure it was unhealthy, but hey, to each their own.  
Klana had gifted him a blue Rancor plushie, dressed in a pilot jumpsuit. Apparently, ‘Blue’ was a nickname they had given him a while ago and since calling people Rancors was his favorite insult… The gift was perfect. And it had made him laugh louder than ever, so she must have hit it on the head.

After drinking and eating the rest of the buffet, the three of them had parted ways, but not before Skylen had hugged them both tightly, mumbling an awkward thank you. Y/N had rubbed his back wordlessly. The evening had been a success and she couldn’t wait to do it again the following year. No words were needed; everyone could see just how grateful Skylen was, even after he had disappeared around the corner, waddling like a drunk Porg.  
Could Porgs get drunk? Ah, that was slightly beside the point.  
The two women stood in silence, content smiles on their faces, for a solid five minutes, before Y/N sighed.  
**“Okay, time to clean everything up. Boy, I’m not looking forward to that…“**  
Although neither Finn nor Poe had said anything about needing the room clean by morning, it was the right thing to do. After all, they would leave soon enough and they couldn’t leave a mess behind. But Klana only smiled and put her hand on Y/N’s shoulder.  
**“You go and get some rest. You’ve pulled off the most difficult part of the plan, let me take care of the rest.“**  
Oh, that was sweet of her to say, but she couldn’t do that. She opened her mouth to protest, but Klana shook her head.  
**“No, I’ve got it, really. Oh, before you go, I have something for you. Promised myself I would give it to you if you succeeded, which I always knew you would…“**

 **She searched her pockets for whatever she wanted to hand Y/N and excitingly pulled something out.**  
**“Close your eyes and give me your hands!“** She said, hiding her surprise in her closed fists.  
Y/N giggled — curtesy of the alcohol — and did as she was told. Something cool and smooth was deposited in her open hands and even though she was curious, she gingerly waited for Klana’s green light.  
**“Open them!“**  
She did, very slowly, looking at her friend slightly unsure. Klana nodded and Y/N looked at her open hands.   
There was a pendant there, a piece of metal attached to a thin silver chain. Slightly rounded at the bottom and pointy at the top, it was shiny and polished.  
It took Y/N longer than she cared to admit to realize it was a Starbird.

With a surprised gasp, she pinched it between her thumb and her index finger, raising it at eye level. It was five centimeters large, perfectly shaped. As she turned it around, she realized Klana had engraved it.

  
_Y/N Thunderbird, Blue Five, Resistance._

  
… Oh, Maker.  
The H/C pilot looked back at her friends with glossy eyes and Klana smiled timidly.  
**“It’s a good luck charm. It’s a tradition. I made it from the scraps of metal of what was left of your sensor nose. Technically, it was part of your ship, to remind you of your first fight among us. You’re one of us, now. I want you to always remember that. I hope it will bring you good fortune-“**  
Y/N jumped at her and engulfed her in a tight hug, squeezing her eyes shut to keep the emotional tears from falling down her cheeks.  
This was the nicest thing she had ever received. 

It wasn’t perfect; it was scratched on some spots. But it was hers, a token of appreciation and her very own badge of membership.  
Really symbolic. For someone who had always felt like she never truly belonged anywhere, having someone give her something tangible to prove her wrong was… She had no words for it.  
**“This is the nicest thing anyone has ever given me,“** she whispered in her friend’s ear, and Klana chuckled, her bouncy curls tickling Y/N’s cheek.  
**“Then you need better friends.“**  
The H/C laughed as she stepped away, coming to face her friend who had a beaming smile on her face.  
**“Thank you, Klan'. Truly.“**  
She waved her off with a huff.  
**“It’s nothing. Now, off you go! Go get your beauty sleep! You never know who you’re gonna run into…“**  
Y/N rolled her eyes and mumbled something incoherent as she stepped away.  
**“This conversation is over. See you tomorrow, Klana.“**  
**“You can run, but you can’t hide from the truth!“** The curly pilot called out as her friend walked away, a smile on her face.  
Yes.  
Things could, after all, go well, too.

———————————————

The following day passed in a blur.  
It was so eerily similar to every other one, except it was now common knowledge that something had changed about Skylen. The tension in the air had been lifted, things felt lighthearted again, and the pilots had slipped back into their routine, jumping into their ships and following Poe.   
Although, it wasn’t quite the same; Y/N had tightly secured her lucky charm to a screw in her cockpit, and the metallic Starbird dangled slightly as she flew around, catching the light of the stars in hyperspace.  
Ironically, time seemed to stretch when they jumped into light speed and go faster when they landed on solid ground again. The mission to Hoth couldn’t come soon enough, and everyone was on edge as the fateful date grew closer. The tension was palpable, and yet, as time passed, it also seemed to slow down. It was a weird sentiment, to feel like you were both eager to get to work and feeling like you were underprepared.  
Which was exactly what Y/N was feeling.  
  
Objectively, she knew she was more than ready. Poe had trained them all thoroughly, and she was a great pilot. Arguably one of the bests, although this particular statement had been put into perspective when she had joined the Resistance — she still couldn’t bring herself to call it the Republic Alliance — and its talented members. But even like so, she felt like she was missing something. But she couldn’t quite put her finger on it, because their last mission had been a hit. They had gone out in the afternoon for one last training flight on a planet she had already forgotten the name of if it ever had one. Poe had been true to his words and acted like nothing had happened, trusting her like he usually did.  
She was truly grateful for that, and the look she had sent him when their eyes had met upon landing had undoubtedly communicated the feeling.  
Yes, the ’T minus one day’ had gone by in a flash and, after a relatively restless night and a couple of hours of sleep in the morning, both Blue and Green squads were meeting on the landing strip in the early hours of the afternoon, making rounds on their ships and going over the mission once again.

As per usual, Poe stood in the middle of the circle of his pilots, drawing attention on himself ever-so-naturally and without an ounce of timidity. He was always at ease when among people, no matter who he was talking to. As for Y/N, as per usual, she stood slightly behind her fellow pilots, eager not to draw attention to herself.   
**“The mission is simple. The sun is rising on Hoth right now, which means the morning blizzard will be low on the planet’s surface,“** Poe stated, looking around at every single pilot. When Y/N met his eyes, she couldn’t help but notice how bright they were shining with excitement and eagerness. He was truly passionate about his job and it brought a small smile to her face.  
**“It’s not too bad since the sun is warming it up a bit but it’s really dense. Y/N and I are gonna fly low, lower than we should, to hide inside of it. We will be exposed to rocks, mountains, and creatures… The radar won’t be of much help, we need to focus on high-distance scans t pick up metallic structures. Shorter wavelengths have a frequency that are too far off from the natural electromagnetic disturbances. We get in, we scan the area, we get out. It shouldn’t take more than an hour. In the meantime, the rest of you will take advantage of the unstable weather to scan the planet with middle-range scans. Scan the surface and warn us if anything is coming. Then, we’ll regroup on Bespin. I’ll treat you all to a drink.“**  
Simple enough. A simple recon mission. Y/N had done hundreds of them in her life, although not exactly in these conditions, but hey, it was an occasion to learn.

Poe ended the meeting and everyone scattered away, chatting and checking on their ships before they had to embark. Y/N stood on the very spot she had occupied before, eyes trained on her ship that was being prepped by the mechanics. Her assigned droid was just being lowered in its seat and she watched in silence, her feet tapping the ground as she chowed on her bottom lip.  
**“You look terrified,“** Klana commented, and Y/N turned her head to the side. Her friend stood a meter away from her, arms crossed and an eyebrow cocked. The H/C-haired pilot hummed.  
**“Not particularly. At least, not more than I would usually be. Same old concerns you know.“**  
Klana made an ‘O’ and fell silent for a second, before letting out a giggle.  
**“It will always make me laugh to see you’re more scared of disappointing the General than dying. Kriff, you’re too funny.“**  
She wasn’t sure what exactly was funny about that particular fact. Dying was part of the risks. Disappointing Poe, however, would be a mistake on her part.

 **“You know damn well why, Klan'!** “ Skylen’s voice shouted from two meters away as he walked to the two women. **“She isn’t crushing on Death, that’s why. I mean, come on, a guy in the First Order? You think we’re gonna believe that?“**  
Y/N rolled her eyes as Skylen wrapped an arm around her shoulder, squeezing her side in a teasing manner. She swatted his hand away.  
**“When are you two going to drop this crush thing, huh?“**  
**“Who’s got a crush on who, now?“**  
Oh, for _KRIFF’S SAKE!_

Y/N almost jumped out of her skin as Poe stopped in front of his pilots, his face full of curiosity.   
Oh, no. That was BAD.  
**“Nothing! I mean, no one has a crush on anyone. They’re being idiots,“** Y/N mumbled, and Poe laughed.  
**“That’s what someone with a crush would say, Duckling.“**  
Y/N mumbled a ‘kill me now’ as the three of them laughed. What, were they five or something?! She should have kept quiet!  
**“Come on, Keebler, you can tell us,“** Poe teased, and Y/N glared daggers at him. He was enjoying himself.  
**“The only thing I’m telling you three is to get lost, for Kriff’s sake.”**  
Skylen roared in laughter as Klana faked a wince and Poe grinned like a madman.  
**“Ow! Rude, Y/N! Rude!“**  
She walked away with Skylen, still laughing, as Y/N hissed like a loth-cat.  
**“They’re insufferable, I swear. I don’t get where they get their ideas from,“** she mumbled, and Poe chuckled.  
**“Who knows.“**

His smile disappeared slightly, though, and he cleared his throat, shifting his weight from one foot to the there like he usually did when he was about to talk about a touchy subject.  
**“But, Uhm, you know. Since the subject’s on the table. I mean, I don’t know what they’ve told you, or not. But we don’t have a dating policy on base. Everyone is free to do whatever they want. So… Don’t worry about it. Just do what you want to do, it won’t have any impact on your career.“**  
She blinked blankly as he studied her reaction.  
Wait. Was he seriously giving her a serious talk about dating her coworkers?  
Y/N chuckled, chasing the awkwardness away as best as she could. Could he be taking the two idiots seriously?  
**“I… Appreciate the heads up, Poe, but it wasn’t necessary. They’re just being jerks. I’m not looking for someone to date, I’m already in a committed relationship with my job and this squad.“**  
Poe snorted.  
**“Does it mean the X-Wing is your wing-woman?“**  
She deadpanned as he burst out laughing.  
**“That was _terrible_.“**  
**“It was not.“**  
**“You’re right, it was tremendously bad.“**  
**“I’m gonna ignore that. But hey, at least now, you know. I agree, though, there’s definitely no one better than us to spend your time with.“**  
This time, it was Y/N’s turn to snort and, before she could stop herself — something that seemed to happen a lot around Poe and his annoying way to reduce to ash her willpower and level-headedness — she sassed:  
**“You mean ‘you’, don’t you?”**  
He gave her one of his cheeky grins and hit her arm lightly.  
**“Glad to see you’re finally seeing how great I am.”**  
  
Y/N huffed, but he never gave her the chance to answer. Instead, he winked and walked away slightly, coming to stand before his pilots. He energetically clapped his hands together a few times, effectively drawing attention back on him again.  
**“Alright, squads! Look alive! Get yourself inside of your ships, we take off in five minutes! Come on! Hoth awaits!“**  
Shoot!  
Y/N jogged toward her ship, crossing paths with Poe who was walking toward his. He squeezed her shoulder as she went by and she slowed down enough for him to say:  
**“See you up there, Keebler. You’re gonna do great.“**  
The genuineness in his eyes erased any doubts she had and she smiled to him as he walked away, joining BB-8 near his X-Wing.  
Well, if Poe Dameron said things would be alright, you didn’t contradict him.

The woman made her way to her ship, grabbing her helmet and putting it on as she jumped into the cockpit, falling into place on the oh-so-familiar leather seat. She strapped herself carefully and went through her usual tests. The pre-flight jitters that never left her had been reduced to some background noise. No doubt they would grow louder when the squads dropped out of hyperspace, but for now, she had them under control.  
Poe’s voice crackled to life in the radio and she pushed her mic in front of her lips as the transparisteel canopy closed on her, shielding her from the outside world and muffing any sound that wasn’t the General speaking.  
_**“Black Leader to squads. Last check-up before we take off. Are you all clear to go?“**_  
Call signs and affirmative answers followed swiftly as Y/N turned around, checking that her emergency winter package was tucked in.  
She was ready.  
**“Blue Five ready for takeoff, Black Leader,“** she said, unable to refrain the grin that must have seeped into her voice. She was more excited than stressed out.  
_**“Okay, then engines on, and let’s get this show on the road, everyone.“**_

The roaring sound of the thrust engines grew louder as the pilots powered them on one by one. Forty engines hummed to life and the X-Wings took off, noses pointed upward as they flew away from Kuat until the base was but a small dot on the cloudy surface of the planet.  
And then, one by one, the ships bolted forward, disappearing into a flash of white light. Y/N followed suit, her breath catching in her throat as she made the jump into hyperspace.

————————————

It took them a few minutes to navigate through the hyperspace lane that connected Kuat to the Hydian way, then a few hours to reach the Eriadu system and take the Nothoiin corridor to Hoth. The icy planet was on the other side of the Galaxy, and even through the hyperspace lanes that crossed the entire cosmos, it still took them half a day to reach their destination.  
The countdown before the drop beeped loudly in the cockpit, startling Y/N out of her trance she had fallen into as she waited. Everything was silent, although the stars seemed to be whooshing around her with a soft and comforting noise. But they were none in space, it was all in her head, just like the blaring sirens of her anxiety turning on again. To calm down her nerves as the navigation system beeped faster, she caressed her Starbird lucky charm, enjoying the smoothness of the piece of metal for a second.

The X-Wing was stopped by an invisible force as if it had been swatted to the side like a fly by a gigantic hand, and Y/N saw stars for a second as she dropped out of hyperspace. She was used to it, though, and she quickly fell into formation next to Poe as he stopped his ship. All of them stood close to one another, and the woman turned on her short-distance frequency. It crackled to life right as Poe spoke.  
_**“This is it.“**_  
And there it stood, indeed, in all its frosted glory, white and blue and menacing, desolated and uncharted. High above the surface of the planet, lazy clouds swirled with the power of the icy winds. Although, they could see the snow way below them if they squinted, something Y/N didn’t waste time on. She knew what ice looked like. No need to strain her eyes yet. Instead, her E/C eyes focused on the cockpit of her General, right next to her. She couldn’t see his face, but she could distinguish his general silhouette and feel his gaze on her, even through the thick layers of transparisteel and the emptiness of space.  
_**“You know your mission. Split up, stay above the reach of long-range radars. Use your jammers and stay close to the clouds so they won’t pick your signals through the storms. Blue Five… This is you and me, now.“**_  
**“Right behind you, Black Leader,“** Y/N answered, undoubtedly a little too excitedly. She turned her head to the side, seeing a message from Klana forwarded by her droid.

  
_“U got this, Y/N!“_

  
She smiled right as all of them scattered away, headed to their assigned spots. It took only a few seconds for Poe and her to be left alone.

 _ **“Ready?“**_  
**“Awaiting your command, Black Leader.“**  
He chuckled in his commlink and his X-Wing went forward.  
She followed suit, remembering almost mechanically the steps she had to take.  
Get close to the atmosphere.  
Kill the engines.  
Fall toward the ground.  
Reignite the engines around fifty meters above the ground and zoom forward, out of the frying pan, and into the heat.  
Or, rather, the biting cold.  
The maneuver was risky as hell, but Maker was she ready for it. They would be out of the proverbial woods in an hour. Scans were fast and they knew where they were going anyway.

Without wasting any second, Poe killed his engines and both X-Wings fell out of the sky at a dizzying speed. Y/N was dead focused because any mistake would turn her dead, period. Her blood was pounding in her ears as gravity did its job, slowly at first because of the distance, and then, too fast to even think. The compass on her wrist saw its number go down worryingly fast, and Y/N counted in her head.  
Eighty.  
Seventy.  
_Sixty_.  
**“FIFTY!“**  
With lightning-fast reflexes, she powered the engines back on and the X-Wing jumped forward with so much force it barely stopped her from screaming in delight as she followed Poe right into the low clouds. Her sudden outburst was met by a loud laugh on Poe’s part, and she realized embarrassingly that the droid had turned her commlink back on.  
_**“Wow! That packed a kick!“**_  
They laughed for a second, high on adrenaline that came from cheating death once more. It was exhilarating.  
Y/N could never grow tired of such a feeling.

But their happiness was cut short by the well-known feeling of seriousness that was primordial in a mission like this. Both of them fell silent as Y/N stabilized her ship at the right altitude, like Poe had taught her, and locked her speed to match his. It was precise work, they had to blend in.   
She could barely see the tip of his left wings as she flew forward, getting started on the mission she had been tasked with. Eyes going up to the vast, blurry storm they flew in and back on the radar every second, she made sure she wasn’t missing anything. The thing had been set to detect only the specific signature of metal, and she had to be careful or she could very well hit a mountain or worse.   
It was pitch white as the snow whipped at their canopies, tiny daggers lashing out and testing the waters, trying to find a way in to freeze Y/N to death. She wasn’t exactly comfortable in such a hostile environment but was grateful for the protectiveness her cockpit offered. The heating system was working perfectly and it was nice and warm inside the ship.  
**“You okay, back there?“** She asked the droid, and it beeped affirmatively through the communication screen. Good.

The silence was deafening and Y/N liked it better in space. Even the soft, screeching sound of ice hitting her ship didn’t make her cringe anymore; she was too focused to pay attention.  
_**“I’m picking something up at two o’clock,“**_ Poe suddenly said in her commlink. _**“Looks like the remains of a ship or something.“**_  
This word sent shivers down Y/N’s spine. The Battle of Hoth was famous through the entire Galaxy, and she had no doubts it wouldn’t be too long before they saw the corpses of the fallen ships. She couldn’t see what Poe was talking about on her radar, but it didn’t matter. She trusted him.  
She shouldn’t have trusted herself.  
She saw it too late.

When she looked back up from her radar, time seemed to slow down. In the distance, right in her path, she could distinguish something.  
Something alive.  
While covered in fur, it was coming right at her, or rather, she was coming right at him. A Wampa, probably, although she didn’t even have time to register she knew that name.  
It was right in her way.  
She only had a second to react and her reflexes kicked in. Swerving right was out of the question, she would hit Poe. Going up would expose her, going down would cause her to crash. Going forward and hitting the creature would destroy her ship.  
Her hands yanked the joystick to the left before she could even fully register what was happening. Her ship jumped to the side and into the unknown, barely missing the Wampa in the process but causing her to go off track and into the wilderness of the cold-

  
_As Poe mechanically checked his left, he had to do a double-take._  
_Where the heck was his pilot?!_  
_He couldn’t see her wings and frowned, punching the button of his commlink._  
**_“Blue Five, you okay? I can’t see you.“_ **  
_Static was the only answer he got. He slowed down very slightly. Maybe she had been slowed down somehow. Considering where they were, it wouldn’t be too surprising._  
**_“Come in, Blue Five.“_ **  
_Static, again._  
_Something was wrong._  
**_“Y/N, for Kriff’s sake, answer me.“_ **  
_But she didn’t._  
_That was it._  
_Furrowing his brown, Poe made a u-turn and flew back to where he had last seen her as BB-8 beeped worriedly. The woman was a seasoned pilot. If she had been attacked by enemy ships, she would have warned him, or at least tried to._  
_Eyes trained on the white screen of snow in front of him, Poe squinted, trying to find her ship in all of this mess. But it didn’t help that the brewing storm was thickening around him. The brunt of it would soon be upon him._  
_He cursed lowly under his breath. Where was-_  
_Oh._  
_Oh, no._  
**_“Fuck.“_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry this took so long! I'm drowning in work as my finals are coming in ten days. After June 5th, I'll be able to go back to my normal schedule, so get ready for some actioooon! As usual, thank you so much for reading and for your support. See you soon!


	12. Cold As Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stranded on Hoth in the middle of a storm, Poe and Y/N have to get creative to make it out alive.

The pain was almost as sharp as the cold was biting.   
Y/N stirred slightly, letting out a low curse through gritted teeth that were threatening to start chattering at any moment now. The frosty bite of Hoth’s unforgiving weather had slithered inside her cockpit, but it was the least of her concerns.  
When her head stopped spinning after a few seconds, she finally mustered enough willpower to be interested in her surroundings. Alarms were still barking inside the transparisteel bubble, lights were blinking and a blanket of white had draped her ship, clouding her vision-  
Kriff. Snow.  
She must have blacked out right before the impact because she couldn’t remember, for the life of her, hitting whatever she had hit.   
But she did remember everything else.  
The Wampa.   
Her swerving left.  
The mountain-  
**“Kriffing Hell,“** she muttered under her breath.

Working on autopilot, she checked the ship around her. Moving her head made her neck hurt and she could feel something on her temple, undoubtedly blood dripping down the side of her face after the helmet had smashed it, taking the brunt of the blast but unable to avoid splitting the skin open in the process. She was unharmed otherwise, although her ribs hurt pretty badly. The side effect of the security belts saving her life, probably.   
Her radar was still in working condition, although slightly glitching, which meant the nose of the ship had been mostly spared. The pilot raised her arm to turn the radio on but she was rewarded by a sharp pain in her right hand, so blinding and hot that she dropped it immediately back to her side.  
Ah.  
So _that_ was what had been hurting her upon her awakening.

A careful glance at her wounded limb told her that it wasn’t broken. Sprained, without a doubt, but not broken, which was a relief. It wouldn’t be too great for her to be stranded on such a hostile rock with a broken bone. Y/N cursed lowly, yet again, turning around in her seat to grab her cold-weather backpack, one of the relics of the Great War. With her uninjured hand, she rummaged through the content of the bag, feeling around until her fingertips grazed against the smooth surface of leather. She tugged at it and her hand came back with a leather strap she had packed in case one of the ones on her bag broke. Three centimeters wide, probably eighty centimeters long, it would be a perfect makeshift brace. She rolled it around her wrist, wincing hard as she tightened it securely, passing the band on the hollow part of her hand, between her thumb and index finger. Once the leather was secured in place, she addressed her droid.  
**“Hey, you okay back there?“**  
No answer came, and she sighed. It must have been damaged during her crash. That or the communication system was damaged, which wasn’t better.

She raised her hand out of habit, ready to call Poe, but stopped herself right before she pressed the button. No. She couldn’t call for him. She had no idea where he was, if he was in a safe range or not. She couldn’t risk the mission.  
She would have to do everything on her own. Ah, the good old days.  
Since it was now freezing in the cockpit, despite the cold weather uniform she was wearing, all white and padded, Y/N assumed the heating unit was damaged. And if it was, it also meant the life support unit was as well… Which wasn’t good.  
She had to get out of the X-Wing and fix it, or try and find cover to hide until Poe could come back.  
She took the bag from behind her, unclasped her safety belts, and yanked the helmet off her head, quickly putting on the protective gear to prevent her freezing to death on the spot. It was pretty difficult with an injured hand, but the brace was doing its job. She concealed it underneath her thick gloves, took a deep breath, snatched her good luck charm from its hanging place, and pressed the button to open the transparisteel canopy. Thankfully, it had only been scratched in the crash and the opening mechanism wasn’t damaged. It cracked open and Y/N only had to push slightly for it to move completely out of the way, making small amounts of snow fall inside the cockpit as the rest of it slid down.

When she stood up to get out, she was hit by a strong gush of wind that chilled her to the bone and whipped at her protective gear with the strength of a ferocious beast. It lashed out at her like a Rancor and Y/N almost lost her balance, barely managing to grab hold of the side of the cockpit to steady herself. She was thankful for the green goggles she had on her face. It might have been reducing her vision slightly, but at least, she could keep her eyes open.  
Ignoring the roaring wind in her ears as the storm thickened around her and its brunt got closer and closer, Y/N stepped carefully on all fours on the nose of her ship, letting the canopy close behind her before she turned to check on her droid. It had been injured as expected and had taken a hit on the head that had put it in sleep mode. She knocked gently on it, eliciting a jolt. Good, it wasn’t dead.

The ship had landed on its belly, with the nose stuck in a pile of snow and ice. The top of the X-Wing was badly scratched, and tiny icicles remained. Y/N squinted and looked around. Around fifty meters away from her, she could see a structure made of rock protruding from the side of a snowy hill. Hovering around ten meters above the ground, it seemed to have been scratched as well.  
Oh. She had found the culprit. She must have hit it, sending her ship flying in a not-so-normal way in the process.  
As the wind picked up again, Y/N laid herself flat on the ship, trying to get a good look at the unit. The whole thing was crackling with random bursts of energy, clearly suffering from a short-circuit. She had to fix it, and she needed her droid for that, especially if the wind wasn’t calming down.

But seeing — or rather not seeing — how thick the blanket of snow was becoming around her, Y/N also knew her immediate objective was to find shelter. She could walk to the hill and try and find a cave there… It wasn’t oriented in a way that would help her set her tent.  
And if she didn’t find it…  
Well. At least she had a good last run.  
Snow crunched under her boots as she jumped off the ship, landing on solid ground. The wind was howling around her as if it were trying to warn her of the incoming doom. Being stuck in a storm on Hoth was waiting for death. And Y/N wasn’t much of a sitting Porg. If she was going to die, she needed to fight first.  
With great difficulty considering how strongly the blizzard was blowing, she started walking toward her target. One step at a time-  
Suddenly, coming from beyond the curtains of snowflakes, she saw something. Dark, massive, approaching fast.  
Dammit! If they found her there, she was dead.  
She unclasped her blaster, ready to shoot her way out. She couldn’t outrun a TIE and go back to her ship in time anyway.

But she didn’t have to.  
As the shape became clearer, she realized it wasn’t a TIE. It was an X-Wing.  
Poe’s.  
She put her blaster back in its holster and walked toward him as he landed behind the hill, protecting his ship from the unforgiving gushes of wind. Y/N started running toward him and had almost reached the X-Wing when he came out of it, mirroring her outfit. He landed on his feet and approached her.  
**“ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT HAPPENED? I TRIED YOUR COMMLINK BUT YOU DIDN’T ANSWER,“** He yelled to cover the sound of the wind, part of his words swept away in the process.  
**“I’M FINE! I HAD TO SWERVE LEFT TO AVOID HITTING A WAMPA! I HIT THE ROCK THING,“** she said, nodding toward said rocks. **“MY DROID’S KNOCKED OUT COLD AND THE LIFE SUPPORT UNIT HAS BEEN HIT! I CAN’T FLY AWAY!“**  
Although she couldn’t hear him, she distinctively felt Poe curse, much like she had earlier. 

He grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her closer, their heads almost bumping so he could speak to her without needing to scream.  
**“We can’t fix anything in this weather! We need to wait for the storm out. Gotta find shelter fast.“**  
**“Did you see a cave when you flew over here?“** Y/N asked, and Poe shook his head. Ah, crap. That complicated things.  
The pilot’s brain was working at full speed, trying to come up with a plan. They couldn’t fit inside an X-Wing, one of them would have to stay outside, and that wasn’t acceptable. The seat took up too much place-  
Wait.  
Wait…  
**“Do you trust me?“** She asked Poe, and he nodded, although she could see the confusion in his eyes behind his mask.  
**“How much do you like your seat?“**  
**“What?“**  
Ah, she didn’t have time to explain anything to him! She made her way toward the ship, climbing to the best of her abilities — considering her wrist was still hurting like hell — and reaching the cockpit. She slid inside, popped the canopy fully open, and, laying on her stomach away from the opening, she felt around the console. Once her fingers landed on what she was looking for, she grimaced, sent an excuse to Poe’s ship, and hit the eject button.

The seat was propelled at full speed toward the sky, thankfully swept to the side ever-so-slightly by the wind. It landed on the ground a few meters away from a very incredulous Poe.  
**“WHAT THE HELL?** “ She heard him yell and she slid off the nose of the ship, turning to him.  
**“LISTEN, WE CAN’T SET UP A TENT, BOTH OF US NEED TO WAIT INSIDE UNTIL THE STORM IS OVER. WE WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO FIT IN OTHERWISE.“**  
Poe was visibly unhappy, but he nodded.  
**“OKAY. YOU SET IN A HEATING BLANKET ON THE FLOOR FOR US TO LAY ON. I’LL TAKE BEEBEE AND PUT HIM INSIDE YOUR SHIP WITH THE OTHER ONE AND YOUR DROID, OR THEIR CIRCUITS COULD GET DAMAGED.“**  
Ohh.  
Smart.  
Y/N made a mental note about how well they worked together before she made her way toward the abandoned seat, dragging it behind her with her uninjured hand. She let it fall next to the X-Wing, making sure it wouldn’t be swept away again before she climbed back on the ship. Although it was freezing, she was sweating bullets. Her wrist hurt, her head hurt from the hit it had taken. Poe had walked closer.  
**“CAN YOU GET BEEBEE DOWN?“**  
Ah, _KRIFF_.  
She would have to lift him. And the sweet droid was still heavy, especially without a crane to assist. But she couldn’t show Poe she was hurt. She was angry enough as it was against herself to have gotten sidetracked. The mission was going to fail because of her, and she was furious. Why, WHY couldn’t it go right for once?!

But it wasn’t the time to get angry. She had to scoop BeeBee out of his slot. The droid’s head tilted upward as she got closer to him. Out of habit, she smiled from behind her face mask, even if he couldn’t see it.  
**“Hang on tight, sweetheart.“**  
She dipped her hands in the slot by his sides, leaning forward until she was almost fully pressed against the poor droid who beeped in confusion. She curled her fingers, scooping him out with a yelp of pain as the tension reignited the pain in her wrist. She was suddenly thankful for how loud the wind was. Poe couldn’t hear her.  
Carefully, she lowered BeeBee enough for her friend to grab him, and he did so without any visible sign of struggle. The droid was put on the ground and he and his human went away, walking toward Y/N’s abandoned ship. She almost couldn’t discern the ship anymore, and the wind was making the X-Wing shake slightly. She had to hurry. Lowering herself inside the cockpit, she shrugged her backpack off and opened it, finding the rolled blanket inside. She carefully unrolled it and laid it down as nicely as she could on the floor. The void space left by the ejected seat wasn’t too big, and, Maker, they were going to be super close to one another. But at least they could both fit. That was all that mattered.

Down on her knees, Y/N patted the blanket down with one hand, anxiously awaiting Poe’s return. Was he already done with his task? Had he managed to put both droids to safety? Should she go out and help him? No, he had given her an order — and she would be damned if she ignored another one.  
The storm was getting impossibly stronger. She couldn’t see the X-Wing anymore. Her anxiety was through the roof, but she knew she had to lock herself inside the cockpit to prevent it from being flooded with snow. She just hoped Poe would make it back safely…  
With a dry throat and a knot in her stomach, she closed the canopy, craning her neck until the last second to see if he was there. She knew that once they were both inside, they would have to strip out of most of their gear, or they could freeze once they got out. Survival 101.  
So, to calm her nerves, she got started on that, taking off her jacket and face mask. Then, she unzipped the top of her winter jumpsuit and took her gloves off. Her hand wasn’t looking too good. It was red and slightly swollen. With a wince, she took off the brace. Poe would see it, and she couldn’t have him worried. She was so angry at herself. Adding insult to, quite literally, injury, was out of the question.

Seconds went by, and then, minutes, and hours. No, probably only two minutes, but it felt like an eternity. Y/N was worried sick, eyes staring helplessly on the white screen of snow that completely hid her General from her. Where was Poe?  
And then, out of nowhere, the X-Wing shook, and a head popped up, goggles staring at the canopy. Y/N hurriedly opened the cockpit and Poe slid inside, pushed by the wind that made its way inside and almost froze Y/N on the spot. Shaking, she closed the canopy behind him and the thing shut down with a hiss, effectively cutting them off from the outside world.

Both of them laid motionless for a moment, Y/N huddled up against the side of their makeshift bed, leaving him room to move around if needed. Maker, he was even closer than she had anticipated. His chest was heaving as he caught his breath. A lazy hand pushed the google away from his face and he tugged at his mask, revealing his handsome face. His curls were sticking to his skin much like Y/N’s hair probably was, and he had the mark of the goggles imprinted on his forehead. His eyes were on her and his lips parted slightly as he took deep breaths.   
**“I’m very pissed off about my seat, but that was kriffing smart, I’ll admit.“**  
Y/N gave him the ghost of a smile and a snort as he wiggled out of his jacket, sitting up to shrug it off. The ship was bobbing very slightly to the sides, lulled to sleep by the strong wind. 

It took Poe a solid two minutes to strip out of his heavier clothes and he ran a hand through his hair when he was done, messing it up even more. He looked positively disheveled and he made it look good-  
Okay, where was that coming from? She had hit her head harder than anticipated!  
Underneath them, the blanket was heating up softly, shaking the cold from their immobile bodies. Even though they were still a bit cold, Y/N could feel Poe’s body heat radiating. Thankfully, she could blame her pink cheeks on the biting cold.   
The silence stretched between them for a few more moments until Y/N felt obliged to break it, her eyes trained on the console by her feet. His were barely a few centimeters away, and if they weren’t careful, they would bump their knees together. When was the last time she had found herself so close to someone?  
A few days ago, when he had pinned her down to the floor. But that was beside the point.  
**“Did you manage to get them both to safety?“** She asked, quietly. Poe hummed.  
**“Yeah. They’re tucked in like burritos inside of your cockpit.“**  
The image made her laugh and forget for a second that they weren’t even supposed to be there for the first time. But this knowledge came back to her at full speed and her smile vanished.

The storm was roaring outside, but it probably couldn’t be to blame for the growing pressure inside the cockpit. Y/N was certain it was about to blow up, the canopy blasted open by the heavy tension. Poe wasn’t saying anything, but she could feel the wheels turning in his head. The pilot bit the inside of her cheek, both to stop herself from blurting out something she could regret and to hide her frustration. The metallic taste of blood coated her mouth and she bit harder. She had to say something. Anything. Apologize, say sorry, explain in detail what had happened. Do something. Anything at all that would make him look away from her face. Although she wasn’t looking at his face but rather at his feet, she could feel his stare. He was undoubtedly waiting for her to speak up. That was the right thing to do anyway.  
**“Guess I screwed up again, huh?“** She finally whispered, rolling on her back to face the canopy. Poe didn’t answer right away. She could feel his hazel eyes burning a hole on the side of her face.  
**“Could’ve happened to anyone. We knew the risks. It would have been me if we had switched places,“** he answered calmly. But it didn’t ease Y/N’s nerves, on the contrary. She snorted humorlessly.  
**“It could never happen to you, Poe. You would have tilted the ship to the side to fly vertically.“**  
Silence, again. Poe sighed.  
**“Probably.“**  
So, that was a rookie mistake like she had thought.  
For someone who was such a seasoned pilot, she sure didn’t look like it. It infuriated her to no end. 

Her unharmed hand clenched at her side as she bubbled with anger. Seemingly unaware, Poe started talking again.  
**“I don’t understand what happened. You should have been able to handle it. You’re better than that. But complaining about it won’t change anything anyway. I’m just glad you didn’t end up killing yourself. I managed to send our coordinates to Skylen right before the storm cut everything. He and Klana will join us once it has passed.“**  
Again with the unbothered tone.   
She clenched her jaw. So many thoughts were passing through her head, she didn’t know which one she should listen to.  
But, like often, her mouth opened on its own.  
**“Maker, I’ve tried to live up to your expectations, but you think I’m this- this great, fearless pilot who can do anything because she was in the 204th and I can’t meet those expectations. No matter how hard I work, how much pressure I put on my shoulders, I can’t impress you.“**  
Poe moved slightly, and she could see him frown from the corner of her eyes.  
**“You don’t have to try and impress me-”**  
**“BUT I _WANT_ TO!“** She almost shouted, voice growing louder with frustration. She couldn’t hear the wind outside anymore, only her thundering heartbeat and the sound of his breathing that had hitched when she had surprised him with her outburst.

She shook her head and turned sighed deeply, trying to avoid a second round of their fight.   
**“When I was in the First Order, I was constantly trying to meet Kylo’s approval because I was afraid he would kill me or send me back to a nameless unit,“** she started, eyes still fixated on the white sky above her head. **“I was scared of what he could do. You’re the first person I want to impress because you’re a good leader. You chose to give me a chance and I want to prove to you and me that you were right to do so. I’m not so sure I can anymore.”**  
Silence. It contrasted so starkly with the usual, lively discussions they had that it spoke volumes. Y/N sighed.  
**"When I was there, I had to act like I was this untouchable pilot, this fearless officer because if I didn’t, they would have pounced on me.“** And they had. Often.   
**“But it was all an act. I was constantly terrified, constantly feeling like I wasn’t good enough. And I needed to keep his trust, for everyone’s sake. I had hoped it would change by joining you, but you didn’t see through my act. It’s my fault, I should have told you, but I was afraid that you wouldn’t take a chance on me and I would go back to square one, without anyone, alone. And I don’t want that, not again. I was alone for years before the Battle of Exegol, and I was alone after it.“**  
There! She had said it. She felt better and worse at the same time. It was an honest explanation for the pressure she had felt. It wasn’t an excuse, though. She knew that.  
Poe didn’t say anything for a long time, seemingly at loss for words. Y/N dared to sneak a glance in his direction, only to find him with a pensive look on his face, hazel eyes staring at a blinking dot on the console of his X-Wing. The wind was slightly muffled but t could still be heard, and its haunting sound filled the cockpit heavily. The snow squalls were hard at work, undoubtedly freezing the outside of the ship. Inside, and although the temperature was fairly enjoyable thanks to the heating blanket, it was still cold. Or, rather, chilly; Y/N wasn’t used to cold climates. After she had left the First Order, she had stuck to hotter areas, and the scorching heat of Tatooine was light-years away from the cold of Hoth. She shivered, tugging at her jumpsuit to bring it closer to her. It was tempting to just wrap herself up in her heavy clothes, but she had to refrain from doing that.  
When was the last time she had gotten this angry? She was usually calm and collected, but Poe seemed to act like a disruptive element whenever she was close to him. Anger might have been an interesting catalyzer by some people’s standards, Y/N had always disliked it. She had seen Ren lose control so many times she was careful around it, now. And, this time, she couldn’t storm off if they argued. She had to relax. Also, the blood rushing through her body wasn’t doing wonders for her injured limb.

After a few minutes, Poe gently called for her name, but Y/N didn’t turn her head. It was difficult enough facing him proverbially, but she couldn’t do it physically.  
But Poe Dameron wasn’t one to quit easily. He turned to the side and gently grabbed her wrist to get her attention-  
And Y/N _YELPED_.  
She yanked the hand away from him with a panicked look, finally finding his gaze with hers. The wounded wrist held against her chest in a defensive mechanism, she stared at him with wide eyes.  
**“Maker, Y/N, you’re hurt.“**  
**“S’fine,“** she mumbled, but Poe groaned.  
**“It’s not. Don’t make me ask for your hand, Keebler.“**  
She couldn’t help it, she snorted.  
**“Don’t you have to get a ring before that?“**  
She felt him rolling his eyes.

She rolled to her side as smoothly as she could considering they were so close to each other, brushing his thigh accidentally in the process, which made her turn fifty shades of red. Fortunately, Poe didn’t seem to notice, his eyes not leaving her hand. She extended it forward and let him examine it. His touch was soft and gentle, far from the usual energy he seemed to always put in his movements. He turned it around slowly, eyeing her face for any trace of discomfort.  
**“Hm. It’s sprained. I suppose you didn’t take Bacta to dull the pain?“**  
Her silence was enough of an answer. He rolled his eyes again and sat up, grabbing his cold-weather backpack and emptying it halfway at his feet. It took him a few moments to locate the first aid kit and he opened it, mumbling to himself as he got a hold of the t-Bacta. Y/N winced.  
**“That’s not necessary. e-Bacta would be more than fine-“**  
**“Oh, I wasn’t asking for your opinion,“** Poe interrupted cockily, his face emotionless, save from a cocked eyebrow. He gently cleaned the area with a spray and then uncapped the syringe.  
**“A quarter of a dose will be more than enough. But you might feel a little woozy. Might even put you to sleep for a couple of hours. It’s fine, there’s not much we can do anyway.“**  
Great. Y/N sighed as Poe unclothed her shoulder, stabbing the needle in her muscle. The Bacta was injected in a split second and the needle came out as quickly as it had come in. The product spread through her veins like a trail of fire as the General grabbed some bandages. He then proceeded to wrap her wrist in the soft material, effectively trapping it into place without saying a word. Y/N could still move it if she wanted to, but it was much better than her makeshift brace from earlier.

Poe put away his supplies, before crossing his arms on his chest, eyes still on her. The question of how he would react to her previous statement was still in the air, and both of them knew it. Now that the immediate danger was out of the way, they could go back to their discussion, and Y/N wasn’t so sure she felt comfortable with that. Again, the overwhelming urge to break the ice gnawed at her, but this time, she ignored it promptly.  
She watched as he went back to lying down, on his side, with his arm used as a pillow. He looked at her for a few more seconds before he bit his lip and said:  
**“You said you needed to keep his trust. Why?“**  
Y/N looked at him with what must have been a confused look because he seemingly felt the need to add:  
**“Ren. You said you were afraid he would strip you of your title. But you also said you needed him to trust you, for everyone’s sake. You already had his trust, since he was training you… So, why?“**  
Had she said that? Kriff! 

Poe had a very valid point. It didn’t make sense for her to say such a thing. Even though she was quite surprised to see that that was what he wanted to talk about, and although she didn’t feel comfortable speaking of this particular topic… She had brought it herself.   
Y/N licked her lips, trying — and failing — to look away from his face. Even if his eyes made her fidgety, she liked looking at them.  
**“Well, uh. You see, I wasn’t necessarily the most loyal pilot to the First Order’s cause. I worked for them, not by choice, but I did my job well… Didn’t mean I followed them blindly. But I needed Kylo to think so because otherwise, he wouldn’t have trusted me with what he trusted me with.“**  
Confusion found its way to Poe’s features and Y/N groaned. She was beating around the bush.  
**“A spy. I was spying on him for the Resistance.“**

He sat up at a dizzying speed, shock written all over his face.  
**“ _WHAT_?!“**  
Yes, that was the kind of reaction she also had expected from Ren, although with less lightsaber swinging, in Dameron’s case.  
**“I wasn’t undercover or anything. But I remember one time, Ren was speaking about a raid on Chandrilla with Hux through a hologram. I heard him say that there would be civil casualties, and I couldn’t just do nothing about it… So a few days later, when we took the night off after a mission in the outer regions, I paid a drunk guy who told me that there was a Resistance outpost somewhere in the outskirts of the city. I snuck out of the bar and tried my luck. They almost blew my head off, by the way.“**  
Y/N chuckled at the memory of the blaster pointed at her face and the surprise on the Togruta’s features when he had opened the door to find an Imperial officer standing outside. He had been pretty good at playing dumb.  
**“Once they realized I could be killed for even seeking them, they heard me out. I told them what we were planning on raiding. I didn’t know if they would believe me, but when we arrived on Chandrila two days later, there were, coincidentally, no casualties among the civilians…“**  
She smiled fondly. Of all the things she had done during those years, that might have been the one she was the proudest of.

 **“I heard about that raid,“** Poe commented. **“Leia told us she had received intel from an inside man… She seemed to know where it came from. I didn’t… She never told us it was you. I’m not sure…“**  
He trailed off, shaking his head and the comment he was about to make. It didn’t seem to matter. Y/N trusted him on that. She had never known if her actions had made a difference, but egoistically, she had convinced herself it had. It gave her purpose. It gave her runs in space, her fights with the soldiers, the pressure she had to live with, worth it.  
That was pretty much what had kept her going, in the end.   
**“You know, it’s funny,“** she said softly. **“I read your file. And I realized I left the First Order a month and a half before you were taken, prisoner. If I had stayed, maybe I could have prevented that. Or made it easier for you. I have the worst timing. Or maybe I could have helped more for the Battle of Exegol. I don’t know… But I’m glad I got to make a difference, even a small one. Call me selfish, but it at least makes up for the bad things I did…“**

Silence, again. No, the lives she saved wouldn’t compensate for the lives she had taken. But it was something. A start. That was more than she had hoped for.  
**“You were there, weren’t you?“**  
She knew what he was speaking of without hearing it said out loud, but he did it anyway. **“Exegol. You came for the battle.“**  
She hummed, and Poe stood up on his elbow again, seemingly unable to stay still.  
**“Why didn’t you say something? You’ve been fighting for the Resistance for much longer than some of us. It could have bought you some peace. If people knew-“**  
He stopped himself when she simply looked at him with expecting eyes, and the reality of the situation dawned on him.  
**“Oh. You didn’t want that.“**  
**“I’m not a war hero, Poe. I killed people in the name of an Empire I never believed in. I have no rights to wave my good deeds in the face of those who were on the receiving end of this violence for so long. I want to prove to you, all of you, that I’m worth it. I will die for this cause if that’s what it takes. Hopefully without taking my ship with me.“**  
The joke got her a chuckle from Poe. 

Y/N was starting to get colder. She wiggled her toes in her boots to keep them warm, even though she knew she wasn’t risking hypothermia. She simply wasn’t accustomed to extreme temperatures like the ones she was experiencing. Also, the Bacta coursing through her veins certainly didn’t help her feel awake. And Poe’s presence was always relaxing. She was struggling to keep her eyes open.  
**“You know, you don’t need to try so hard to impress me. You’re a great pilot, Y/N. One day, once we’ve worked on your confidence issues and your hot-headedness, you’ll make an incredible leader, too.“**  
She couldn’t help it.  
She laughed.  
Greatly amused, she turned a laughing face to her General, who was simply staring, squinting slightly, probably expecting her snarky comeback.  
**“Okay, I’m sorry, but… _YOU’RE_ the one telling me that? That’s gold.”**  
Laughter bubbled out of her mouth again as Poe rolled his eyes purposely hard.  
**“Shut up. Leia trained me to become General, you know.”**  
**“She would laugh her ass off if she saw how hot-headed you still are, Dameron.”**  
**“Okay, never mind, the offer’s off the table.”**  
But he joined her laughing. Her, a leader again? Truly deserving of the job? Hm… An interesting perspective. She wasn’t too sure she could handle it, though, but she would leave the judgment call to Poe.

After that, they stayed silent for a few minutes, until a particularly obvious shiver elicited a grunt from Poe.  
**“You’re cold.“**  
**“Yeah, obviously, it’s freezing out here.“**  
He deadpanned, staring at her in silence, until she coughed politely, dismissing her amused snort.  
**“Alright, yes, I am. I’m not used to colder planets anymore. But it’s fine.“**  
To her surprise, he opened his arms — to the best of his abilities considering the limited space — almost bumping her in the process.  
**“Come here.“**  
She frowned, her frozen brain unable to register this particular offer.  
**“What?“**  
**“Come sleep next to me. I grew up on Yavin IV. I’m a living heater, and body heat is the fastest way to get warm.“**

She blinked.  
Once.   
Twice.  
**“Are you trying to get me to cuddle with you, Dameron?”**  
He distinctively cursed and Y/N had to bite the inside of her cheek to avoid bursting out laughing.  
**“I don’t need an excuse for that.”**  
The comment made her choke.  
**“You’re so full of yourself.”**  
**“You know, a lot of people of people would kill to be in your spot right now.”**  
**“They obviously haven’t spent more than five minutes speaking to you, then.”**  
**“That was rude.”**  
She laughed but also had to admit he wasn’t wrong. Okay, Y/N. Don’t think about it too much. You’re about to cuddle with your boss, who is also the most handsome man you’ve ever seen, and who’s a good friend.  
Yep. Yep yep yep.  
EVERYTHING WAS JUST FINE.

She timidly scooted over. Poe mumbled for her to turn around, put an arm under her head, and dragged the backpack for them to use as a pillow. Then, he gently put his other arm around her waists careful not to put it anywhere inappropriate.  
**“This okay?“** He asked quietly, and Y/N hummed. His chest was pressed against her back and it felt… Good. She was already drifting off and feeling warmer. How much of that was actually due to the Bacta was still up for debate.  
But she wouldn’t question it. Not now.  
**“Poe?“**  
**“Hm?“**  
**“You’re one Hell of a leader.“**  
She didn’t see it, but she felt his smirk.  
**“Get some rest, Keebler."**  
She did.

—————————————————

When Y/N opened her eyes again, it was because the radio was crackling to life.  
Also because her pillow was moving.  
Blinking the sleep away from her eyes, it took her a solid minute to realize she had somehow turned around in her sleep.  
And was _PRETTY MUCH_ cuddling with a sleepy Poe Dameron.  
Her head was resting on his chest, with her injured hand next to it. He had pulled her closer and his face was resting on top of her head, their legs tangled.  
Y/N almost jumped out of her skin when she realized.  
Poe seemed to feel the same, because they hurriedly untangled their limbs, both trying to apologize, but they kept cutting the other off. Their speeches were a discontinued mess of words that didn’t make sense, but the red cheeks he adorned — and that Y/N, undoubtedly, mimicked — spoke volumes.  
Maker.  
At least they hadn’t had space issues…

Once they had both retreated to their side of the cockpit, Poe picked up the call, and Skylen’s voice crackled through the commlink. Y/N couldn’t quite pick up what he was saying, but if he could talk to them, it meant he was close enough. As Poe mumbled an answer, she looked above her head. The sky was clear again, save from a few clouds. The storm was over.  
YES! The mission could get back on track!  
A few seconds later, someone knocked on the canopy and both pilots jumped, scared to death by the sudden interruption. But Skylen’s beard came into view and she could feel the shit-eating grin he had on his face.  
**“Wake up, sleeping beauties! The cavalry hath cometh!“**

It took Y/N and Poe five minutes to get fully dressed, with great difficulties, since they kept bumping each other, which didn’t help to relieve the tension. Even though she felt grateful for the moment they had shared, Y/N couldn’t wait to get out of here. It was becoming… Too much for her poor heart to handle.  
On the bright side, her hand felt better. It barely hurt anymore, and she felt well-rested. The Bacta had done wonders, which wasn’t much of a surprise.   
**“You’re good?“** Poe asked, hand stopping above the button commanding the opening of the cockpit. She nodded as she adjusted her goggles on her face, and the transparisteel canopy popped open.  
Y/N was the first to get out, Poe being the gentleman he was and letting her go first. She had to blink a couple of times to get used to the brightness of the empty field that Hoth had become, swept by furious gushes of wind. But the sun was shining high in the sky. How long had they slept for?  
Between them and her ship were two X-Wings, Klana’s, and Skylen’s. And in front of them, three devices from which a… Shield? Was produced.  
Y/N deduced it was some sort of deflector. They were smart.  
**“FINALLY! I thought we would have to wake you both up!“** Klana said, walking straight toward the ship.

She helped her friend down and Poe followed, looking around, seemingly satisfied.  
**“You two set that up fast.“**  
**“Nah. You just slept like logs. Looking really cozy in there, might I add,“** she giggled, and Y/N felt her cheeks turn bright red. Fortunately, Poe came to her rescue, probably to save himself from the embarrassment too.  
**“Did Blue get started on the ship already?“**  
Klana nodded and waved at Skylen how as already elbows deep in the X-Wing, assisted by the two droids he had apparently taken out of the cockpit. BB-8 chirped happily in his human’s direction before going back to his thorough inspection of the ship’s sensor nose.  
**“How bad was she hit?“** Y/N asked.  
**“The damages are easily fixable. Skylen’s almost done. He said you got really lucky. The General’s infinite luck seems to be rubbing off on you.“**  
She promptly ignored her friend’s subliminal message.  
**“Honestly, though, everyone’s surprised you two didn’t run into more trouble. Our missions on Hoth are notorious for their bad endings. We refueled on Besoin, by the way, and the rest of our squads are back to patrolling around the planet, General. We put together the fragments of the map you scanned and compared it to our last scan of the surface… And we found something.“**  
Notorious for their bad endings? Oh. She hadn't screwed up that badly, then. It brought a small smile to her face. Whether she knew it or not — she most likely did — Klana had lifted her friend's mood.

She handed her datapad to Poe who looked at it intently for a few seconds, before looking back up.  
**“Is that…?“**  
**“Yes,“** Klana confirmed. **“Incoherences. Something has changed in the planet’s density around here. Which means there’s something new underneath the surface.“**  
**“An enemy base,“** Y/N commented. Klana nodded.  
**“Most likely, yes.“**

She looked at the screen Poe had handed her. Indeed, the green lines spoke volumes: something big was hidden underneath. At least, their mission hadn’t been a complete fail. The compound seemed gigantic. Around half the size of a destroyer, undoubtedly. How many men could be hiding inside? What kind of weapons? Of enemy fighters? Maybe they had gotten started on new weaponry as well, who knew… That brought a feeling of dread to Y/N’s stomach and it weighted on it like a ton of bricks. When would it truly stop?  
She suddenly felt overly determined to bring them down. They couldn’t let them grow back. They couldn’t rest until everything was truly over. And if Poe would have her, she would gladly storm the place with him. She handed the datapad back to him, leaving him to think about their next move.  
**“All done!“** Skylen’s voice said from behind them, and the three pilots turned around. The bearded Commander was back, BeeBee following suit. He beeped happily and rolled around Poe, who kneeled to scratch his head.   
**“Thanks, Skylen,“** Y/N said, and he hit her back as he usually did.

The three pilots turned to their General. Poe was still looking at the screen, and Y/N could hear the wheels turning in his head. Silence fell around them, disturbed only by the occasional gushes of wind. The scenery was peaceful, kilometers away from the frozen Hell they had been trapped in hours earlier. Y/N looked around for a second, taking in the blueish plains and the icy white mountains. Yes, the lands were uncharted, but it was beautiful…. When the damn planet wasn’t trying to kill you.   
**“So, the deflectors are in place. We’re hidden from their radar. Klana and I saw a big cave earlier, we can hide the ships inside if needed. We’re gonna need to wait until the next storm anyway. It should take a couple of hours… I'l fix your seat before we go, too.“**  
Woops.

Poe stayed silent, still watching the screen, lost in thoughts. Y/N tried hard to guess what was going on in his pretty head, but the man was a mystery. He was too spontaneous for her to anticipate anything.  
**“What do we do, General?“** Klana asked. The use of his title got a reaction out of him. He tilted his head slightly, and Y/N could see the corners of his mouth curling upwards.  
**“Y/N, how well do you remember the inside of standard First Order bases?“**  
Huh?  
She thought about it for a second. Her memory of the star destroyer was intact, and she had visited the Starkiller base when it was being built. But then again, if they had used the remains of a Resistance base, Y/N couldn’t do much to help.  
**“Pretty well. Why?“** She asked, curious.  
Poe grinned, this time.  
**“Are you up for a little infiltration mission?“**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BAAAAACK! I'm sorry it took so long, I'm finally done with college work until September and I'll be able to go back to my usual schedule! To make it up to you, here is a super fluffy chapter. The next two will be action-packed, so get ready for that!  
> I hope everyone is doing well. As always, thank you for reading and for your support!  
> PS: For the purpose of this fic, and after doing some research, I found out that X-Wings are most likely built like regular fighter jets, with a seat ejecting upwards. This is what I used, so, with the canopy open, the seat would just eject harmlessly, without damaging the rest of the ship. Hey, I don't have a degree in aircraft engineering!


	13. Bad Moon Rising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things take a turn for the worse in the never-ending fight against the separatists, and familiar faces return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: canon-typical violence and deaths.

Should everything else fail them, Y/N was quite sure they would always be able to count on one single thing.  
Skylen’s abilities to fix anything with virtually nothing.  
She considered herself to be quite skilled at fixing things up, not out of affinity, but out of need. Her life as a runaway had been dictated by the constant need to move so the First Order wouldn’t catch up to her and put a blaster shot through her head. She could handle her own with a TIE, although she wasn’t the best mechanic around the parsec. She could fix a blaster pretty easily, should she be given the chance and some tools. Could handle herself with a speeder.  
But Skylen? The man was on a whole other level. Kriff, he WAS a level on his own.  
It had taken him virtually no time to dive into the messy insides of Poe’s ship, his upper body disappearing in the cockpit as his legs rested on the nose of the X-Wing. Humming to himself enthusiastically, he had used the emergency mechanic kit to reattach the seat. How he had done that with his gloves on was a mystery to everyone, including the owner of the ship himself. Confusion could be seen in his eyes, even behind the green mask he was wearing. Klana had just shrugged the confusion off, probably knowing that Skylen’s skills were better left unquestioned. 

**“Done!“** The pilot had suddenly said, jumping down the ship with what Y/N assumed was a beaming smile behind his scarf. He had wiped off the grease on his pants, leaving dirty dark streaks behind, and the four of them had made their way to their respective ships. Y/N couldn’t wait to get away from the crash site. Sitting back in the cockpit was a great feeling and she was so glad to meet again with her ship. The cramped space she had learned to call home and she had been so afraid of losing. The lucky charm found its way back on the screw she had attached it to, and she put her helmet back on, wincing when she felt the dry blood inside. Ah, whatever; at least, she was back in the game.

With her droid alive again, she was quick to get the engines running and the four ships zoomed forward, staying very close to the ground. The wind had picked up again as it often did on Hoth, and the snow was falling softly, thick enough to hide them efficiently. Klana had found a cave when they had come to rescue the two stranded pilots, big enough to hide X-Wings if they huddled up together.   
The four of them were radio silent, and the only things Y/N could hear were the hissing sounds the ice made when it whipped at the transparisteel canopy. It helped her gather her thoughts. As soon as he was given the chance again, Poe had made sure he was standing away from her. Y/N was afraid she had made things weird. But then again, HE was the one who had asked her to cuddle up with him! She was starting to regret the time when she hated her leader. She certainly wouldn’t have that issue with Hux, or Ren.  
Although Ren and she had found themselves in some… Interesting situations.  
But he had never landed on top of her or been locked in a ship with her. The woman sighed. She couldn’t get distracted again, she was a professional. But Poe certainly didn’t help her stay focused.

Klana turned right, and the ships went after her like baby ducks following their mother. For once, Poe wasn’t the one leading, and it was certainly different. It made her realize how used she was to follow him around… Was she always acting like a lost puppy?   
And when did she start finding that acceptable?  
Fortunately for her internal struggles, they arrived at the cave a mere five seconds later and all of the ships pulled up below the high ceiling of ice and rock. It looked like a tiny garage and the canopy could barely be opened without bumping the rock above. Y/N slithered out of the cockpit and her boots landed on the slippery ground. She almost lost her footing and, luckily, caught herself against the side of her ship with her injured hand. She winced slightly, but the pain was bearable. She had almost forgotten about it as the bacta had numbed her body entirely. As the other three got out of their ships, she took the opportunity to pull up the hem of her glove and glance at her injured wrist. It was still slightly swollen but looked better than it had initially. Satisfied, Y/N pulled the glove back down and walked up to her friends.

Since it was slightly warmer inside the cave, all of them had pulled their goggles up and masks down. Y/N noticed that Poe had a cute mark around his eyes, where the goggles had rested for so long, and she smiled to herself. He cocked an eyebrow at her and she looked away, turning bright red — and not from the cold. She was still awkwardly shifting her weight from one leg to the other when Skylen finally repacked the group, looking between them with his eyes squinted. He shrugged it off and whipped his datapad out.   
**“Alright. According to what we know of the former rebel compound, there should be a service entrance around… Two kilometers away from here. It’s probably going to be guarded, but I can create a diversion while you three sneak in,“** he said, showing them the topography of the planet on the screen. He tapped his gloved finger on a specific spot, and Y/N stepped forward to see better, only to realize Poe had done the same. Their boots hit each other and both of them jumped, mumbling an apology that caused Skylen to snicker and Klana to — not so subtly — hide her snort behind a fake cough.   
**“You think you can handle them long enough for us to get in?“** Poe asked, and Skylen nodded. Y/N’s body was already buzzing with adrenaline and they hadn’t even decided to go there yet. The thought of infiltrating an enemy base got her blood rushing. When had been the last time she had done something like that? Probably a few days before she had left the First Order. Meaning, years. She was… Quite excited. 

Poe seemed satisfied with the answer. He looked at Klana, then at Y/N, and then back at Klana, biting his lip as he seemed to think about their next move. He finally nodded.  
**“Okay. Let’s go for it. Y/N, Klana, you’re with me. Skylen, I need you to get their attention somehow. We know where they are positioned, meaning they will have guards standing watch. Don’t get detected. Retreat when the bait starts working. We will sneak through the service entrance and have a quick look around. Is that alright for everyone?“**  
The three pilots nodded eagerly, and Poe hummed before pulling his mask up to his nose again. It took them a few moments to gather their weapons, the bare necessities, and to make sure the protective gear was secured. They had survived to freeze to death, now was not the time to try their luck again. BB-8 stayed behind, much to his dismay, but going up and down a ladder with a droid wasn’t exactly the smartest move. He beeped sadly but promised to watch over the ships.

Once they were all tucked up in their heavy jackets, Skylen and the rest of them went their way and the other three started their journey toward the base’s entrance. Poe was leading the expedition, walking with a deflective shield pointed in front of them. It was the only one they had left since the other three had been used to cover them fleeing. Although it didn’t help at all with direct vision, it surely did help to jam the scanners.   
They finally reached the designated zone and the three of them crouched down, hiding behind some windswept rocks. The cold could still seep through the thick layers of clothing and even laying for such a short period was affecting Y/N’s range of movement. She could feel her joints freezing into place and the ice poking against her face mask. Poe scooted over, squeezing her left side as Klana squeezed her right.  
**“Okay. See the bump over there? There’s a trapdoor next to it. I don’t see any scanner, but the hallway underneath must be under some kind of surveillance. We’re gonna need to be swift and take them out-“**

The trapdoor FLEW open, effectively cutting him off, and the three pilots flattened themselves against the ground, watching as two men all but ran out of the ground, one of them barking orders at the other as they made their way toward the vastness of Hoth.  
Well.  
Apparently, Skylen had done his job.  
The three spies stood up, not wasting a second before they made their way toward the trapdoor left unguarded. All of them unholstered their blasters, and the weight of it felt uncomfortable in Y/N’s hand, but she pushed the pain in the back of her hand. Now was not the time to whine.   
Y/N and Poe stood on either side of the trapdoor, aiming at it, feet firmly planted into the ground. The wind was whipping at their backs but neither of them cared as Klana crouched down, gave a firm nod, and yanked the door open. All three blasters ended up pointed at the ladder that went down to the compound, but the hallway beneath it was empty. Poe was the first to climb down, his boots firmly hitting the metallic floor. The two women followed suit, and the door closed behind them.

The hallway they had landed in was identical to the ones Y/N had roamed in her early days as an Imperial officer.   
Which was, to say the least… Unsettling.  
The settings were familiar, but, at the same time, quite the unknown scenery. For starters, no windows were giving them a peek of the vastness of space. Only white, tasteless concrete walls, with a grid floor. In the distance, shouts, voices, and heavy footsteps could be heard. It felt like they had just stepped into a base under the First Order’s yoke. And Y/N didn’t like that one bit. It felt like déjà-vu… Except the war was over.  
Supposedly.  
A look at her two friends informed her that they felt the same way, and Poe had a frown on his face Y/N didn’t know him to ever show.   
**“Which way?** “ He asked her. Truth be told, she wasn’t too sure, but considering the hallway ended in a dead-end, they had no other choice but to push forward. That’s what they did. If they managed to reach the central network of hallways, then they could easily navigate through the compound.  
Poe stuck a tracker in the grid and they started walking, not wasting any time. Y/N was working on autopilot, trusting her instinct to navigate the maze. 

As they got closer to what was probably the bulk of the base, the immaculate hallways turned grey, the walls displayed burns marks and scratches. In some places, the ceiling had collapsed slightly. They had, undoubtedly, reached the part of the base that had once belonged to the Resistance.  
**“Hide!“** Klana suddenly hissed, and all of them flattened their bodies against the wall, hiding behind its ridges as a group of…  
… Stormtroopers? Walked by.  
There were six of them, in the well-known white uniform, helmets screwed to their heads and blasters resting in their arms. Led by an officer in a black uniform.  
The replica of the First Order’s troops… Save from the Imperial sigil Y/N had learned to wear.  
What was happening there? What was this place? How come a year after the Battle of Exegol, they could still find places like this? Who had given them the resources? And who was in charge?  
So many questions, and no answers in sight. The angst and adrenaline in her body left Y/N feeling restless and she could barely feel her wrist anymore. A horrible feeling had decided to settle in her gut. Something was very, very wrong.  
**“They are very few of them,“** Poe whispered to her as Klana checked that the group was gone, their footsteps fading away in the distance. **“Which is good. But it’s still… I haven’t seen that in a year. I thought… I thought we had eradicated all of them. That those who were left were just… Hiding. Not organizing themselves.“**  
He seemed crushed. From up close, Y/N could see the disappointment in his eyes, as well as something more distant, less tangible. Like the feeling brought by an old memory. Or many of them…  
**“I think I can find one of the control rooms,“** Y/N said. **“If they follow standard Imperial layouts, they must be contiguous to the commanding room. If we manage to sneak inside one of them, maybe we can access something.“**  
Poe nodded, tightening his grip on his blaster.  
**“Let’s go find answers, then.“**

Y/N opened the road, her trusty blaster in hand, eyes expertly swiping across the hallway. It was obvious that the base was pretty empty, or at least, not stocked at its full capacity. However, it didn’t mean it was deserted, and there definitely was more activity than it should have, considering it had been abandoned years ago.  
It took the group a few more minutes and scares from passing stormtroopers to finally reach their destination. Klana stayed outside of the door, hiding in a dark corner a few meters away. Poe crouched down and started working on the panel, tinkering with it for a few moments before cursing under his breath. Y/N sneaked a glance at him.  
**“What’s wrong?“**  
**“It’s a secured lock. It would require a droid’s help to force it. It looks very similar to the ones Finn and I ran into on the Finalizer. They must have copied the standard security system somehow.“**  
A lightbulb lit up in Y/N’s mind and she frowned.  
**“Mind if I try?“**  
Poe shrugged and stepped aside. Y/N took off her glove and her naked fingers hovered over the screen for a few seconds. And then…  
She punched a series of numbers in, and the door whooshed open with zero discretion.  
**“What the hell?“** Poe mumbled, sending a look of disbelief her way as Y/N walked in.  
**“I’ll explain later. Now come on, we don’t have much time.“**

The Force must have been with them because the room was empty, but it was obvious that it had been left in a hurry. Once the door was closed behind them, Y/N turned to her general.  
**“Kylo’s code. I might have sneaked a look when he was typing it once. I didn’t expect it to work…“**  
It couldn’t be a coincidence. It certainly wasn’t. The more they stayed there, the more Y/N was convinced that they had copied everything from a standard base, in which Ren’s code would have opened every door since he was allowed everywhere. But why would someone go to the trouble of doing a full copy of an Imperial base?   
**“I don’t like it,“** Poe said, dusting off some snow from his jacket and massaging his temple. **“I don’t like it at all. This feels too much like a war base. Except we’re not at war anymore. And the First Order has been wiped out. To see these guys so organized, it reminds me too much of…“**  
Of everything they had hoped they had buried with the Emperor and the Sith. Y/N shivered, and it wasn’t from the cold.  
**“Copycats, maybe?“** She tried, and Poe shook his head, damp curls bouncing slightly as he did so.  
**“I think it’s worse than that, but we’re gonna find out.“**

He wasted no time in snooping around in the main console, swiping left and right as he read quickly through the files he could access.   
**“This…“**  
When he spoke up again, his voice had lost all of its usual warmth. Y/N, who had been looking around the room, searching for anything useful, was quick to come to his side. Poe looked utterly distraught as he paused in his search, eyes not leaving the screen.  
**“What’s wrong?“** Y/N asked softly, and finally, his brown eyes met hers.  
**“Those are… Thousands of files. Personal files. Ex-First Order soldiers, officers, reports of the missions they did. They have imported the database of the entire First Order. The classified stuff, I can’t read, it’s encrypted. But Y/N, everything that’s in here should have been deleted. Someone spent a lot of time, effort, and money to rebuild a base that could host the separatists again. They’re not copycats, we’re in a bastion of Imperial supporters. They’re searching the Galaxy for separatists who want to start a war again. Look, they add notes on everyone’s file. It’s regularly updated. They keep track of everyone’s who’s alive, dead, missing, the new supporters, everyone.“**

Silence fell over the both of them as the horror of the situation sunk in.  
So, it was starting all over again? Judging by Poe’s face, and the look in his eyes - it seemed like it. And the General looked like he had been struck by lightning. He gave the impression to have aged ten years in a second. The weight of war and of the invisible, yet of the ever-so-present threat, was weighing on his shoulder. Y/N put a hand on it and squeezed.  
**“Poe. We can stop it. That’s what we do. That’s what you do. We have the upper hand, here.“**  
He studied her face for a second and then nodded, resolve finding its way in his gaze again.  
**“Yes. You’re right. We need to identify the leaders, wipe this place off the surface of the Galaxy, and find every single last one of them.“**  
Wow, okay. He was right, though. It was one thing to have different ideas regarding how the Galaxy should be led, but wishing to impose a non-democratic system on everyone and actively working against the elected leaders was a whole other story. This wasn’t free speech, this was anarchy.  
**“Do we have access to the files of this base’s leaders?“** Y/N asked, and Poe shook his head.  
**“No, they don’t keep that on file. But I found something. You, hm…“**  
He seemed to hesitate for a second and bit his lip.  
**“It’s your file, Y/N. You’re in there.“**

She gulped down the bile that has risen in her throat, her eyes leaving Poe’s face to stare at the screen. Her file. Everything she had done. What was on there? She hadn’t seen it for years. Even during her time in the First Order, she wasn’t particularly fond of consulting it. It was worthless to her and empty of any reports that were of any interest. Kylo had made sure everything they did together was done under the radar.   
**“Okay. Open it.“**  
**“Are you-“**  
**“Open it. Please.“**  
Poe mumbled something she didn’t quite pay attention to and his fingers worked on the keyboard. Two seconds later, the search result popped up. Poe glanced at his friend, but Y/N didn’t say anything. He clicked on it with a sigh.

The image that popped up was one she hadn’t seen in a long time. It was her, but it… wasn’t. Y/N, years prior, dressed in her officer outfit, clad in black, hatless. The picture had been taken not long after she had been named Captain, and she looked tensed and haggard. She had bags under her eyes and an empty look in her eyes.  
**“You looked terrible,“** Poe commented. Y/N snorted.  
**“You know how to speak to a lady, don’t you?“**  
Poe scrolled down. Her official title was still used on the top of the file. Captain Y/N Thunderbird, Squadron Leader of the 204th Imperial Fighter Wing.  
But what caught her attention was the big, fat “TRAITOR“ written in bold red letters just underneath it, followed by “CURRENT AFFILIATION - GALACTIC REPUBLIC“.  
Well.  
That was explicit.   
**“Someone was pissed that you left,“** Poe said, and Y/N snorted. You could always count on him to lighten up the mood. She carried on with her reading, eyes skimming through the page. Again, they stopped when she read a few lines underneath: “TERMINATE ON SIGHT - ARMED AND DANGEROUS. IF INCAPACITATED, CONTACT AN OFFICER“.  
Ah. So he HAD put a target on her back. Or maybe she had put it herself, all things considered.  
**“Yeah. Very pissed. He wanted my head on a spike,“** she confirmed. She couldn’t blame him. After the message she had left him…  
**“I’m not sure about that. Look.“**

A few lines down, beneath her personal information, it read: “Search & Destroy mission commanded by General Hux - carried on by 204th IFW.“  
Had Hux seriously sent her men after her?! Kriff, that was a new low, even for him. But there was something else after that, that made Y/N’s eyes go wide.  
“Mission terminated by Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.“  
REN had been the one to stop the mission? Surely to allocate more resources to finding Skywalker. But, wait… That was after they had found him. Why didn’t he take the opportunity to assert his authority and make an example out of the traitor she was?  
Confusion could probably be seen on her face because Poe felt the need to peak up again.  
**“Something doesn’t add up here.“**  
Indeed, it didn’t. But Y/N’s mind had already gone somewhere else. If they could find information on her, maybe they could find it on her friends in the First Order as well-  
_**“You need to hide, NOW. Troopers are coming your way.“**_  
Klana’s voice made them both jump, and Poe hurriedly closed any file he had opened. In the hallway, outside, footsteps could be heard. Y/N frantically looked around for one of the storage units that lined the walls, but she couldn’t find any. She cursed. Okay, well, it looked like they would have to incapacitate them-  
**“In here!“**  
Before she even had time to turn around, Poe grabbed her hand and yanked her in his direction, shutting the door behind them in a pneumatic whoosh right as the footsteps stopped outside.

To say the space was cramped would have been the understatement of the CENTURY.  
It was so tiny both pilots were pressed against each other, to the point that if Y/N moved her head upward, her lips would be a mere centimeter away from Poe’s, as she found out by accident. Even through the thick layers of their clothes, she could feel both of their erratic heartbeats. The bright light of the room was slithering into the storage unit through the cracks above and under the door, and she could see Poe.  
She could also feel his breath on her lips and Maker, when had it turned so hot in here? Had they accidentally turned on the heating system?  
Poe’s hand was still on hers and his eyes were staring into her own. Even in the dim light of their hiding place, Y/N could see the stunning golden flecks in his irises. He looked a bit disheveled from all the running around and his hair was messier than usual, but Force was he handsome. Y/N was fairly sure it was the adrenaline talking as she would have never thought of him in such an inappropriate way otherwise.

On the other side of the door, voices could be heard, and they both stilled, listening intently. Judging by what they could hear, Y/N counted three soldiers.  
**“I swear, I hate those Wampas. Why do these damn things have to trigger the alarms all the time? Maker, if I have to get out and freeze my ass for a false alarm ONE MORE TIME, I’ll be taking the first shuttle to Ajan Kloss and join the Resistance.“**  
**“Are we still calling them that?“**  
**“That’s what they’ll always be for me.“**  
Their bickering went on, and the awkwardness grew bigger in the tight space, taking all of it and crushing the two current inhabitants of the storage unit under its weight. Poe’s heart was beating as fast as hers, which was reassuring in a way. It seems like the infamously chill General was flustered as well. After all, they did have a weird tendency of finding themselves in cramped space or similar positions all too often…  
Not that she minded. Not really. Poe never made it awkward.  
… Except when he did.  
His eyes suddenly went wide and he leaned impossibly closer, hand brushing past Y/N’s hair as he grabbed something behind her. Y/N froze, unable to move, as his lips all but brushed against the corner of hers. He was flushed against her to the point that his eyelashes caressing her cheek when he blinked.  
**“Something almost fell behind you,“** he whispered impossibly lowly, his breath tickling her ear in the process. Y/N nodded very slightly as he took a step back, giving her room to breathe again. Her mind might have been playing tricks on her because she was sure she had seen his cheeks turn red.

A loud bang suddenly rang outside, followed by a commotion from inside the room.  
**“What the hell?“**  
**“I swear, this better not be a pipe giving up again!“**  
The door of the room was heard, and then footsteps. And then, nothing again.  
The intercom in Poe’s ear crackled to life again, and Y/N was standing so close to him she heard it loud and clear.  
_**“The coast’s clear. Hurry up, my distraction will only last for so long.“**_  
She didn’t need to say it twice. Poe hurriedly opened the door and the two of them stumbled out of the tight space. Y/N had never been more grateful for her personal space. She accidentally made eye contact with Poe, who seemed just as flustered and who looked away awkwardly.  
**“I, uh… Let’s go.“**  
They exited the room without another word, quick to make their way toward Klana’s last hiding spot. Y/N’s heart was still hammering in her chest when they found the woman.  
**“Good, you’re okay. I thought for a second that they had cornered you and-“**  
She paused, looking at Poe, then at Y/N, then back at Poe, and frowning as she did so.  
**“Why is it that whenever you two are left alone together, you always come back flustered? Is there something I should be aware of?“** She finally said, and Y/N choked on her saliva.  
**“Maker, Klana, this is so inappropriate.“**  
**“Yes, absolutely. There’s nothing-“**  
Klana blinked and Poe went silent before nodding toward the now empty hallway.  
**“Let’s go before they come back. We need to regroup.“**  
The curly-haired pilot frowned, eyes growing serious again.  
**“Did you find something interesting?“**  
Poe and Y/N shared a long, knowing look.  
**“More than what we bargained for,“** Y/N whispered, her words weighted with the burden of knowledge she could have to share soon enough.

————————————————

The trip back had been rather eventful.  
Getting out of the base hadn’t been too difficult, going back to Skylen neither. But breaking the news to the two pilots had been a tedious task. It was undoubtedly a preview of what was to come when Poe would tell everyone else. Telling them that they had found a fully functioning base filled with the people they had called their enemies for so long had been a shock. They all knew the fight hadn’t died down with the war, but to witness it in such an aggressive way? It was something else.  
Then, the four of them had flown back to the atmosphere, using yet another storm to their advantage. They had joined the others on Bespin, reassured everyone that they weren’t, in fact, dead, fueled up, fixed their ships properly, and flew back to Kuat.  
All in one sitting.  
When they had finally landed after HOURS of flight, both teams were exhausted. Y/N could barely walk straight and the pain in her wrist had returned, which sent her straight to the medical wing to get it checked. A brace and another shot of Bacta later, she was already making her way back to the control room, where she had run into Finn.  
Literally, run into him.   
Seeing that she was almost a walking corpse, he had sent her to get some rest, using his General voice and a very stern look Y/N couldn’t say no to. Dragging her feet back to her room, she hadn’t even bothered to change into her pajamas before collapsing on the bed.

When she had woken up a few hours later, it was to the loud banging of someone’s fist against her door, and it had turned out to be Skylen, who had been sent by Poe to fetch her. A quick shower later and Y/N was jogging behind her friend, still trying to blink the sleep out of her eyes.  
Yes, the trip had been eventful, but it was nothing compared to what had happened after their return.  
As it was to be expected, Poe and Finn had called for a general meeting, outside on the main landing strip. The place was packed. Y/N had never seen so many people and it was overwhelming. She stayed away from the bulk of the crowd, slipping away unnoticed until Skylen pushed her forward so they could hear better.  
And hearing, they did.  
Poe was quick and concise in his explanations. His usual banter had disappeared, replaced by the general-y tone. It was quite the transformation, one that Y/N found herself fascinated with. He commanded authority in a way that made her shyness come back faster than an X-Wing pushed at full speed.  
Yes, Poe was a respected leader, undoubtedly.  
But even he didn’t manage to keep a hold on the crowd when he pronounced the words “a fully operational, First Order base“.

The hours of the war, the memories of the people they had lost, the exhaustion, and the disappointment of it all came back to everyone, swirling and twirling until it formed one big batch of overrunning emotions. People were confused, scared, angry, tired, and as for Y/N, she was just listening. For once, her life story was coming in handy. She didn’t feel the existence of such a base on a personal level. She was, after all, quite familiar with its cold walls, and the symbol of it all just wasn’t the same for her.  
**“ENOUGH!“** Finn suddenly roared, with a confidence that made the woman jump. He was usually sweet and bubbly, but the seriousness of the situation had brought the leaders out of them both. The crowd fell silent again.  
**“We will send spies and gather as much intel as possible. But when that’s over with, we will launch an attack on them. The Senate will lend us some troops and set up a barrage in Hoth’s atmosphere. So I suggest you all get ready for an upcoming fight. I know it’s been a while, but we’re both confident that you’ve got this. For now, you’re dismissed. Get some rest, save your strength, and may the Force be with us all,“** Poe said.

As the crowd dispersed, Y/N stood still, eyes lost in the distance. A fight… An upcoming battle… She felt strangely calm about it. Big scale battles were her area of expertise. Now that the people around her and their unruly emotions had left, she could gather her thoughts. She doubted that any of the soldiers they had seen would surrender. If this was a secret project and they had been handpicked by whoever was running the place, they were ready to die for their cause… Y/N sighed. Everything had happened so fast. In only a few weeks, the apparent peace had crumbled, and it seemed like they were somewhat back to square one. The good old days of tearing each other apart. Resistance versus First Order. The never-ending story. It was demoralizing. 

But as she sat in her X-Wing days later, doing the last check-ups before they took off, Y/N found that it didn’t matter. Flying was her job. Worrying about the war wasn’t, and it wouldn’t help anyway.   
She flicked the switches up and down, testing that everything was in working order, her helmet resting on her thighs. A quick look at the dangling starbird above her head brought a smile to her face. She could never be alone up there with Klana’s charm with her.  
A sudden knock on her open transparisteel canopy almost made her jump out of her skin, and she looked up, only to find none other than Poe Dameron himself staring at her. What was he doing here? Didn’t he have a thousand other things to do? Y/N still wasn’t too sure about him coming with them. After all, he was the General. If he died in battle, it would be… No, she couldn’t think about it. When she had mentioned it to Skylen a few days earlier, he had snorted.  
**“The day Dameron doesn’t fly with his squad will be the day he is dead, Duckling.“**  
And indeed, he was right, because Poe was dressed in the same orange jumpsuit he always wore, ready to jump into battle with all of his soldiers. And yet, he had taken a few moments of his precious time to visit her.  
**“Is something wrong, General?“** Y/N asked, pushing a strand of hair that had already escaped her braid away from her face. He bit his lip, looking around her cockpit.  
**“No, I was just coming to wish you good luck out there.“**

The unspoken sentence was sent directly to her mind as their eyes met. Don’t die, Keebler. Don’t you dare die.  
Pilots were always at a higher risk of not coming back. It was something everyone was aware of, and Y/N had never really minded until now. She had, after all, nothing to lose, and nothing to go home to.  
But not anymore. Now, she had a reason to stay alive. And she had Poe, to whom she had made a promise.  
Without really thinking about it, she extended a gloved hand and brushed her fingers against his right hand that was resting on the edge of her cockpit.  
**“We’ll be fine, Poe. All of us.“**  
He answered with his infamous smirk, although it didn’t reach his eyes. Behind him, screams erupted as people got ready for the upcoming battle. Finn was already up in the air, on a Republic Alliance admiral ship, calling the shots from there with Admiral Giblo, a Zeltron Y/N had briefly seen earlier that day. He seemed reliable and Poe trusted him.   
And if he was good enough for Poe Dameron, then he was good enough for her.  
**“I expect nothing else.“**  
He seemed to hesitate for a second, visibly wishing to add something else but thinking better of it at the last moment. Instead, he leaned forward, giving Y/N a good whiff of his dizzying scent before hitting her on the shoulder as he always did. Then, without another word, he closed the canopy and made his way down the ladder, trapping his pilot with the scent of citrus, cologne, and leather she liked so much.

During days like this when they had a mission, time seemed to behave like a jump into hyperspace. It stretched out for an infinite period, yet everything moved so fast. And then, out of nowhere, you jumped right into the action.  
Just like she was about to do.  
The hours it had taken them to reach Hoth again had felt endless, but now that her alarm was beeping loudly, warning her about the imminent drop out of hyperspace, Y/N was quite sure it had lasted only for a minute. This time, though, it didn’t feel like flying into a trap. They had the upper hand and the support of the Senate’s troops.   
And yet, Blue Squad and Green Squad were leading the attack, with Poe first in line.   
This was incredibly exciting. She had missed the adrenaline.

The familiar drop in her stomach came with one of her ships, and they found themselves staring at the blue ball of ice that was Hoth. It was game time.  
Y/N couldn’t resist and glanced behind her, only to realize that hundreds of ships were now appearing by their side. The size of the army was dizzying. During the war, she had been used to smaller numbers, especially since the Resistance was short of pilots. But this… This was beautiful. It reminded her of that day on Exegol, when they had shown up, rallied by the sight of the Millenium Falcon…  
Adrenaline coursed through her veins as Finn’s voice crackled through her commlink, dressing the entire fleet.  
_**“This is General Finn speaking. The space blockade is in place.“**_  
Excitement. Nervousness. Determination. All of these emotions collided in Y/N’s brain as Poe’s answer came.  
_**“This is Black Leader. All troops converge. Follow my lead.“**_  
And following his lead, she did.

One by one, the ships dropped down toward the surface of Hoth. No doubt that by now, the enemy troops had seen them on their radar. Their exact number was still a mystery. What the spies had mentioned was that countless ships flew toward the cold planet but weren’t necessarily stationed on the base. It was a beehive, a hyperactive one. They had to be ready for everything.  
And they were. Y/N was sure of it.  
She was still sure of it when she flew through the atmosphere of Hoth.  
… But she wasn’t too sure of it anymore when they opened fire.

It took her a split second to swerve left, narrowly avoiding the shots of a TIE coming straight at her. And in a second, hell broke lost around them, and she couldn’t see Poe anymore.  
To be specific, she couldn’t see anything else but a sea of red and green lasers.  
There were a lot of them. Way too many of them. If Y/N had the time to focus on that, her stomach would have dropped as she realized exactly how many soldiers they were fighting off. But she had no time to waste. She was hyperaware of her surroundings, and yet, so focused on one thing that she barely even noticed the rest of them.  
Her first target was an older model of TIE she blew up in one shot. Her finger pressed the trigger without so much as a hesitation. Knowing she had just taken the life of someone wasn’t even fazing her anymore.  
It worried her, sometimes.  
All around her, ships were going down. It seemed like most of them were TIEs, but she did see a few X-Wings going up in flames, and she prayed to the Maker that they weren’t her friends’. But Skylen’s curses on her frequency told her that he, at least, was fine.

Her ship zoomed across the white sky, tiny metallic dot wreaking havoc in its wake. Her blasts were raining on her enemies as the same, pre-recorded messages repeated itself over and over again on the general frequency.  
_**“This is General Finn of the Republic Alliance speaking. Lay down your weapons and you will be taken captive. Surrender now, and nobody has to die.“**_  
But of course, as Poe had anticipated, they weren’t stopping. They didn’t want to be taken as prisoners. They were all going to die as martyrs.   
Then so be it. 

Even through her respiratory filters, the air was thick with smoke and the acrid smell of charred metal and explosions. Fresh carcasses littered the white ground of the planet, melting the snow into dirty puddles. How many ships were there?  
On the radio, the orders and cries for help came from all sides of the battlefield, barely covering the deafening sounds of the engines roaring and the buzz of the TIEs skimming past her ship. Poe was shouting orders, keeping his troops in check as they progressed toward the base. If they could just manage to hit the hangar with a precise, controlled shot, it would-   
A deafening blow lit up the entire sky as pieces of rock, concrete and snow were hurled all around. Y/N dodged a chunk coming toward her and flew higher, watching helplessly as the whole base collapsed on itself, blowing up from the inside.   
An X-Wing joined her, and she realized it was Poe’s.  
**“Dammit. They sabotaged the entire complex,“** Y/N whispered in her commlink. She heard Poe curse.  
_**“Then, we get moving. They’re not surrendering.“**_  
Indeed, they were not. Y/N could respect that.

As they parted ways again, her heart felt lighter. Poe’s ship hadn’t suffered any damage and it eased her nerves. She couldn’t help it…  
But her focus was quickly brought back to the battle as the general Alliance frequency crackled up to life.  
_**“… Need backup! I can’t shake them off!“**_  
Wait.  
Was that Tarsen’s voice?!  
Y/N narrowly avoided a collision with another X-Wing and said to her droid:  
**“R2-R5, please locate Tarsen’s ship. Can you see him?“**  
The droid could see him very well, and he was only a kilometers away from her position. Without hesitating, Y/N pushed her ship forward, rushing to her fellow pilot’s rescue. He was being chased by five TIEs and his left wing was fuming. Y/N went after them, taking one of them down in the process and diverting their attention to her.  
**“Commander, I’ll take the ones on your left. Watch out for the blast.“**  
She didn’t give him any time to answer as she swiftly hit another TIE from behind, tumbling to the side as she narrowly avoided being hit in return. Tarsen flipped his ship around, and the two X-Wings converged, forcing the enemy ships to be caught in the crossfire. Between the two of them, it barely took them a few moments to handle the others.

Tarsen stopped his X-Wing a mere five meters away from Y/N’s, and she could feel his glare from across the sky.  
**_“… I guess I owe you one, Blue Five.“_**  
Y/N cackled silently as he flew away. This day had been more surprising that she could have anticipated.  
But as she flew back into the battle, a shot hit her from the side, barely missing her but taking a chunk of her right wing. The droid immediately went to work to fix it as Y/N slalomed in the air, trying to lose her stalker. But she couldn’t see him, only his lasers that seemed like they were coming from everywhere at once.  
**“I can’t see him, R2. Where is he?“**  
Another shot hit her wing and Y/N cursed loudly. Okay. Think. Quickly. Where was-  
**“Above you!“**  
The voice yelled at her from Maker knew what frequency and Y/N wasted no time in swerving right with all her strength, barely avoiding a death blow to her cockpit. The TIE that had taken her as its target went up in flames right after that as a ship zoomed to her rescue, and Y/N barely picked up Tarsen’s call sign on the radar.  
_**“Now, we’re even.“**_  
She rolled her eyes.

But escaping a certain death had sent another dose of adrenaline through her body, and it was with trembling fingers that Y/N turned on her commlink again.  
“Okay, whoever gave me that warning, you just saved my ass.“  
Silence answered her and she frowned until Klana’s voice came in her ear.  
_**“What do you mean, Blue Five? Nobody said anything.“**_  
Wait.  
Wait…  
That wasn’t possible. She had heard him. He had spoken to her, warned her. She had heard him! It wasn’t a voice she knew, but she had heard it nonetheless.   
**“Are you positive, Green Three?“**  
_**“Yes.“**_  
Klana went radio silent after that, leaving Y/N with her confusion. Something felt off.

The nagging feeling that something wasn’t right didn’t leave her for the rest of the fight. It still didn’t leave her when Poe proclaimed that every single enemy ship had been wiped off the surface of the Galaxy. And it still didn’t leave her when they flew back to Kuat.  
It still hadn’t left her when they touched the ground and pilots jumped out of their ships in ecstasy, screaming as they celebrated their victory. Y/N sat in her cockpit, staring at the buttons in front of her, her mind wandering off. She couldn’t join the celebration, not at the moment. Not when she was convinced she was missing something crucial-  
**“DUCKLING! GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THIS TIN CAN!“**  
Well. She would think about this another day.  
Even with her canopy closed, she could hear Skylen’s yelling at her from the ground. Now that she was paying attention to what was going on, she realized the landing strip was swarming with people, and both of her friends were standing next to the nose of her ship. She couldn’t delay her return on solid ground. She popped the cockpit open and made her way down the ladder, only to be attacked by Klana, who squeezed her in a tight hug. She was shrieking lowly, which almost made it seem like she was purring.  
This woman would always amaze Y/N.  
**“We did it! And with minimum casualties! I heard Finn say that we lost five pilots in total.“**  
That was five too many. Y/N’s heart went out to the poor people who had lost their lives.  
Again.  
When would it end?

But it wasn’t the time to be cynical. A victory was a victory, and it was one they had to take credit for. Even if she knew Poe wouldn’t see it like that, he would certainly fake it in front of his troops.  
Where was the General, by the way?  
Or, better question, where were the both of them?  
As Klana let her go and engaged in an exciting conversation with Skylen, Y/N craned up her neck, looking for Poe or Finn in the crowd. When she realized she couldn’t tell them apart from the sea of orange jumpsuits, she looked down, trying to find BB-8 among the legs. When she finally caught a glimpse of the orange ball, it was too late, and she was already being dragged away by Skylen, who was babbling about the need to take a shower before they joined the party that was already about to start. She let herself be led away from the commotion, high-fiving her way through the landing strip as she crossed path with her fellow Blue Squad members.  
It wasn’t until they had almost reached the indoor part of the hangar that Skylen stopped. A loud, hissing sound could be heard, and everyone’s attention went to the sky as a U-Wing starfighter descended. Y/N frowned. It wasn’t a common ship around here.  
**“What the hell?“**

That voice, she knew very well.  
She turned around, only to find herself staring at Poe, who was headed for the unknown ship. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Y/N, and a smile appeared on his face.  
**“Keebler!“** He called out. **“You were amazing out there.“**  
As he approached, he was interrupted by a few other pilots who wanted to congratulate him, and he kindly spoke with them for a moment before pushing forward. He exchanged a few words with both Klana and Skylen, before finally reaching his pilot. Y/N smiled.  
**“Congrats, General. It appears that the mission was a success.“**  
But her eyes weren’t smiling, and it didn’t go unnoticed. Poe smiled in return, as it was expected of him, but whispered:  
**“It looks like it, doesn’t it?“**  
The unspoken connection they shared was one of angst. Both remembered what they had seen inside the base that day. Both knew what exactly it implied. Y/N wasn’t fooled by his apparent joy. She could feel his worry. Strangely enough. It seemed like she had developed a sixth sense when it came to understanding what Poe Dameron was feeling.

But his worry vanished as he beamed at her, hitting her shoulder as usual.  
**“Hey! You did it! Your first battle in an X-Wing! Your droid told BeeBee you pulled up some impressive stunts. You can be proud of…“**  
He trailed off as his eyes went to something behind her, and they widened in shock. Y/N frowned.  
**“Poe, what-“**  
**“Zorii? What the hell?!“**  
Klana and Skylen, who had respectfully stepped back (to gossip, undoubtedly), followed his gaze, and their faces mirrored the surprise on Poe’s. Intrigued, Y/N turned around, only to see a woman approaching. Dressed in a tight, purple jumpsuit, and wearing a gold helmet with a smoked visor, it was pretty obvious she wasn’t to be trifled with. Y/N was getting serious badass vibes from her, and she was sure Poe knew her.  
Said pilot was quick to close the distance between him and the mysterious stranger, and he stopped a few meters behind Y/N.  
**“What are you doing here? You and Lando weren’t supposed to come back before next month.“**  
**“It is an emergency,“** she said, louder than anticipated. She must have realized her mistake because she was quick to lower her voice. Because of the roar of the crowd around them, Y/N could only pick up snippets of their conversation.  
**“… The situation on Wobani… Slave trade… Critical again…“**  
The rest of it was lost in translation, but it seemed to alarm Poe enough that he nodded toward the base, and the two of them disappeared inside without a word to anyone else.

Completely lost and slightly worried, Y/N watched as the door closed behind them. She hadn’t even noticed Skylen and Klana standing next to her.  
**“So, General Calrissian is back from the Bryx Sector? This is bad,“** Skylen commented.  
Had Y/N been paying attention, she would have gone wide-eyed upon hearing this name. Lando Calrissian was a legend. He was the one she had followed into battle a year ago. But, instead, she asked:  
**“Who was that? With Poe?“**  
Klana frowned.  
**“Zorii Bliss. She’s… I don’t even know. She was a spice runner. Now, I think she’s working with us sometimes. She was on a mission with General Calrissian in the Bryx Sector, R-8. Classified stuff.“**  
Ah.  
It still didn’t explain how she knew-  
**“She’s Poe’s ex.“**  
Y/N’s head turned faster than a whip.  
**“His what?“**  
**“Ex-girlfriend,“** Skylen repeated, matter-of-factly. **“We have a bet running around the base, about when these two will hook up again.“**

Y/N missed the horrified look Klana sent their friend as she turned around again, staring at the door they had disappeared through. Ex-girlfriend?   
Sure. She knew he must have had someone at some point. Poe was… Many things. Handsome was one of them. Y/N wasn’t stupid. But knowing about it and meeting one of them were two different things. And this Zorii woman seemed very… very… Confident, strong, mysterious.  
Things she wasn’t.  
Not that it mattered. Was it really surprising anyway that someone like Poe Dameron would go for that type of woman?  
Still. She couldn’t shake the weird feeling that had settled in her stomach. She pursed her lips for a second, before shaking her head.  
**“I see. Hey, I’ll catch up with you later, I need to wash off the smell of the smoke from my hair.“**  
As she walked away, she distinctively heard Klana hissing “You never know when to shut up!“, and although she had no idea why she was saying the, it made her smile.

———————————————————————

The quick shower turned into an hour-long washing session, and Y/N then decided to take a power nap. She woke up an hour later to a message from her datapad. Rubbing the sleep off her eyes, she blinked a couple of times to read properly. A message from Skylen.  
_“GET YOUR ASS OUTSIDE, YOU HAVE 20 MINUTES“_  
Well.  
At least, it was explicit.  
She pushed the covers away from her body and decided to dress up a bit. After all, it was a victory party. Klana had gifted her various pieces of clothing, insisting that Y/N needed “something else than a bunch of baggy pants and plain shirts“.  
She… Wasn’t wrong.  
With a long sigh, Y/N had put on a pair of tight leather pants, a tight tube top that showed some skin, and had thrown her leather jacket on her shoulders for good measure. She didn’t have any heels, but did have a pair of thigh-high boots she had purchased for… Why had she purchased that thing again? She didn’t have anyone to impress anyway.  
Lastly, she braided her hair into two braids on the sides of her head and sneaked a quick look in the mirror. The familiar necklace she wore rested on her skin, exposed by the low cut of the top. This would do.

Off she went, walking in the deserted hallways. Everyone seemed to be outside already, and she followed their example, lured by the sounds of music and chatter.  
As she had expected, the whole base plus the New Republic’s soldiers were gathered in the clearing used for such occasions. The place was packed, and Y/N had a hard time finding her friends. She finally found Klana with Skylen — who already had a drink in his hand — and none other than Finn.  
**“General! I’m glad to see you!“** She said when she finally reached them. Before Finn had time to answer, though, Skylen pushed a drink in her hands.  
**“Drink this! You’ve earned it!“**  
She dipped her lips in the liquid, wincing at the taste of Jawa Juice. Ah, whatever. She could always pour the thing in a plant later on when Skylen wasn’t looking.  
**“Y/N! You’ve made it! You look great. Good job today. Glad to see you back in one piece.“**  
Oh, she was glad, too.  
They exchanged pleasantries and Skylen managed to get her to take a sip of her glass before Y/N felt the need to ask innocently:  
**“Poe isn’t with you?“**  
Finn shrugged.  
**“Nah. He ditched me for Zorii, can you imagine? If I didn’t see him all week already, I would have been offended.“**

Y/N followed his gaze, lips pursed. And indeed, there he was, twenty meters away, with a drink in his hand, cozying up to the masked woman. He was laughing, clearly tipsy already.   
Or maybe he was just flirting. She wouldn’t know the difference anyway.  
But Zorii, who had seemed so cold earlier, was laughing alongside the General. And it…  
Just…  
Didn’t sit well with her-  
**“Kuat to Y/N. Are you okay? You zoned out for a bit.“**  
She nearly jumped out of her skin and turned to Klana. Finn and Skylen were talking and laughing, but the curly-haired pilot had a look of concern on her face.   
**“Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking.“**  
**“You were staring.“**  
**“I just zoned out, as you said. I’m okay.“**  
She frowned harder, fell silent for a second, and then-  
**“Are you jealous?“**  
What?  
**“What?“**

Y/N blinked in confusion. She felt like a deer caught in the headlights for some weird reason.   
**“Jealous. Of Poe and-“**  
**“I’m not- Where did you even get that from?! No, I’m not jealous. That would be… No.“**  
Klana squinted. The glass of Jawa Juice suddenly seemed very appealing. Y/N stared at its rippling surface for a second too long, and it gave Skylen the time to come back from his talk with Finn, who had gone over to Poe. He laughed at something Zorii said.  
**“Y/N? You drinking that?“**  
She looked up again, then glanced down at the drink, then back at Poe and Zorii who were laughing again.  
**“Yes, actually, I am. Weren’t you saying something about shots?“** She asked boldly, and Skylen laughed.  
**“I wasn’t, actually, but now that you mention it, it’s a great idea!“**  
**“Then let’s go, it’s a party, isn’t it? Let’s have fun.“**  
She purposely ignored Klana’s concerned look as she followed after Skylen.

It turned out that Jawa Juice wasn’t so unbearable after all.  
And that shots weren’t such a good idea.  
Y/N was tipsy. No, scratch that- she was drunk. She had lost her jacket (or rather, handed it out for Klana to take care of) an hour ago already, feeling too hot to wear it. Now, she was walking around the party, being unusually talkative and extroverted. Her tube top didn’t feel too tight anymore, and she wasn’t as self-conscious as she had been hours later. Blame that on the alcohol.  
But she felt great. Or at least, that was what she had told herself. It wasn’t completely a lie; when she had finally moved away from Poe and his lady friend, she had instantly felt better. Why was that, she didn’t know. And it pissed her off not to know. She was sure there was a logical explanation but thinking while drunk wasn’t her forte.  
So, instead, she wandered around, purposely avoiding Poe, even in her drunken state. She had caught glimpse of him several times but had walked away before he had time to make his way over to her. Skylen was drunk, Klana was giggling with a mechanic by the fire, and Finn had disappeared Maker knew where. But it was okay. Y/N had spent a solid half an hour speaking with Varun, who was incredibly nice to talk to. He had, however, gone to bed, considering he was working the following morning. And now, Y/N was speaking with…  
A tree?  
Oh, no. She was leaning against the said tree. Yes, that was it.

Drinking and walking were too difficult to do at the same time, and she wasn’t particularly fond of the idea of ruining her only fancy top. She drank the rest of the Jawa Juice in one gulp and put her empty glass on a nearby table.  
Time to grab another one.  
She hadn’t even taken five steps that she almost fell, tripping on something. A quick look downward informed her that it was, in fact, someone - BeeBee, to be precise.  
**“Oh, sorry, baby,“** she mumbled. **“Didn’t see you there. You okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?“**  
She went on to have a lengthy chat with the droid, babbling away as he beeped worriedly. Once she had made sure (several times, in fact) that he was okay, she went on her merry way-  
And walked straight into someone.

The force of the collision nearly made her fall, and she stumbled backward, only to have them grab her shoulders and steady her.  
**“Maker, Y/N, you are wasted.“**  
Waiiiiit.  
That voice. That voice, she knew-  
And of COURSE, it was Poe Dameron himself, looking very much drunk. Or maybe she was too drunk and imagining things, she didn’t know.  
**“Yup,“** she said very eloquently. He chuckled but frowned when she didn’t add anything.  
**“I’ve been trying to find you all night. You look, uh… I mean, you look very good. Not that you don’t usually look good, but…“**  
He trailed off, looking her from head to toe. Yep, he was tipsy as well.  
And the last person Y/N wanted to talk to. Why? She couldn’t remember.  
**“Oh really?“** She asked, trying to subtly walk away. But he still had his hands on her bare shoulders, and it made her shiver like crazy.  
**“Yes, I… Are you okay? You look a little pale.“**  
Oh, must have been the dozens of drinks she had had earlier.   
**“’M fine. Shouldn’t you go back?“** She asked tactlessly. Poe looked confused for a second.  
**“No? Why would I need to go back?“**  
Ah, the question he shouldn’t have been asking. Y/N was too drunk to avoid answering. By the way, did Poe have a twin?  
**“To your girlfriend,“** she answered with a shrug.

These three words seemed to sober him up instantly and he looked… Surprised, to say the least. He let go of her shoulders.  
**“My… Who, Zorii? She’s not my- Who told you that?“**  
Y/N shrugged again. Yeah, who had told her that? Had anyone told her that?  
Hold on.  
Who had told her what, again?  
**“Don’t know, don’t care. Listen, I don’t feel so good. I’m just gonna…“**  
She trailed off.   
**“… Go.“**  
Yes. Go. Somewhere. Where she had to go, and he wouldn’t be there, and neither would Zora. Zorii. Whatever.  
Oh, Maker, what had Skylen given her to drink?  
**“Where’s your jacket? Aren’t you cold? Here, take mine. You’re gonna freeze."**  
**"Can’t be worse than Hoth,“** she mumbled as he put the jacket on her shoulders. His scent immediately wrapped itself around her, and she breathed it in.  
**“You smell good.“**  
She barely heard him mumble “it’s worse than I thought“ before he disappeared for a second and came back with a glass full of something. He pushed it in her hands.  
**“Drink.“**  
**“No.“**  
**“For the love of Maker, Y/N, drink it, or I’ll make you.“**  
**“You can’t.“**  
**“Yes, I can. DRINK, for Force’s sake.“**  
**“If it’s not Jawa Juice, I’m not interested.“**  
**“It’s Merenzane Gold.“**

Ohhh! Nice!  
She didn’t even bother to ask where he had found it. She knocked back the glass in one go, squinted for a second, and then:  
**“That was water, you asshole.“**  
**“Yep, I’m taking the alcohol away from you for your good.“**  
Boooo! Spoilsport!   
**“You’re no fun,“** she mumbled.  
**“Yes, and I’m taking you back home.“**  
She whined very childishly as he grabbed her by the waist and gently led her away from the fire. Y/N barely registered Klana stopping them, offering to take her there herself, but Poe declined.  
**“I’m not the one you should be taking home,“** she mumbled as they reached the landing strip. Poe stopped dead in his tracks.  
**“I don’t follow-“**  
**“I just- I just- don’t want to start any drama. Skylen said- they have a bet going. On you and… You know.“**  
Whoops. She was pretty sure she wasn’t supposed to tell him that.

This time, Poe let go of her and planted himself right in front of her.  
**“Why are you standing so close?“** She mumbled, but he didn’t budge.  
**“Y/N, I don’t know what the hell they told you, but I’m not interested in Zorii that way. I’m gonna have a chat with Skylen when he has sobered up-“**  
**“Then you’re a moron, Dameron. Even I can see she’s hot.“**  
She didn’t believe him, but it was fine.  
He laughed.  
The _audacity_.  
**“Don’t laugh at me.“**  
**“Maker, Y/N. You need to sober up.“**  
Whyyy? What did she say that was so funny?  
He sat her down on… Something (that ended up being a crate, as she found out upon inspection) and sat by her side, the heat of his body radiating. Although she wasn’t cold, Y/N tugged at his jacket, bringing it closer to her frame.  
**“She’s here because she needs help. She was deployed on a mission-“**  
**“In the Bryx Sector, R-8,“** Y/N continued for him, and he turned to her with both eyebrows raised.  
**“Yes. How do you even know that?“**  
Y/N leaned back (a cruel mistake, she almost fell over the crate), thought better of it, so she leaned back against his shoulder, frowning to focus harder.  
(It didn’t make sense.)  
**“Klana told me, and I heard you two. She said something about… Slavery. Or slave trade in general.“**  
She shrugged. Poe looked genuinely impressed.  
**“You might not be as drunk as I thought you were.“**  
**“Oh, you are mistaken, I’m utterly drunk.“**  
He snorted.

 **“Well. In any case, you are right. Some criminals are using the old Imperial labor camp to enslave the local population. They’re not even separatists. Just ruthless assholes trying to make a quick buck. A local mafia of some sort, that’s still unclear. But we need to do something.“**  
Y/N thought about it for a long time, mainly because her brain was working in slow motion. But the water she had drunk, and her being away from the party had helped her sober up a bit.  
**“So you’re gonna put together a rescue mission.“**  
He nodded.  
**“Yes. Blue Squad, Green Squad, Zorii, and her men.“**  
Even in her drunken state, Y/N had questions. She took her time to voice them, wagging her head in the process.   
All things considered, Poe was a saint for keeping up with her drunk ass.  
**“Why?“**  
**“Why what?“**  
**“Why do you… insist on going out on missions. I- I mean. I understand that… When we were at war, you were short-staffed. And they couldn’t do without their best pilot. But now… You have people at your command. And we can’t… Lose you.“**  
He sighed.

For a moment, Y/N worried she had hit a nerve or had pissed him off, but he simply looked thoughtful. Wait, had she managed to ask one good question, caught mid-air like a ball through the thick fog the alcohol had created in her mind?  
**“You’re right. It’s not the pilots’ job to go on missions like these. And it’s not mine.“**  
He turned his head to the side, looking down at Y/N, who had shamelessly put her head on his shoulder. Okay, it was to steady herself, but still. If she had an ounce of self-respect left, she would have jumped away.  
Oh, well.  
**“I can’t stop. I can’t just sit back and let my people risk their lives. That’s my job, too. So I just try not to die.“**  
She snorted. Reckless as ever. You can’t take the pilot out of the man…   
**“I think it’s great. Not- not that you’re risking your life. Just… You. I mean, not you, as in, you’re great. But you, being here, with us. Out here. It shows you care. …But you’re great, too. I never said you weren’t-“**  
**“Y/N.“**  
**“I’m shutting up.“**  
She clenched her mouth shut as Poe laughed softly.   
**“I’ve never been normal. And I don’t want to be boring. At least, I keep you on your toes.“**  
Oh, that, he did.

They stayed there in silence for a few more minutes before Poe gently shook her shoulder. Right. She had started to doze off. He gently helped her to her feet and they walked back in silence, leaving the landing strip for the empty hallways of the base. Y/N regretted drinking that much, now. It hadn’t helped to keep the images of Zorii and Poe out of her mind. She didn’t know why it bothered her that much. If he was happy, then who was she to say anything?  
Also.  
He was her leader. His personal life was, literally, none of her damn business.  
**“Kuat to Y/N. We’re here.“**  
Ah.  
Yes.  
They were… There.  
Oh, wait! That was her room!  
Kriff, what was her code again?  
“ **You forgot your code?“** He asked in disbelief, obviously trying very hard not to laugh. Kriff, she had said that out loud.  
**“Yes, and you said that out loud, too.“**  
She facepalmed. Okay. Let’s try her code-  
Nope. Ah, dammit, she had changed it recently.  
She thought about it for a second, then reached out for the panel again-  
**“Poe, can you type it for me? I can’t… Well, you see. I think the drink was… poisoned. Because everything is moving around me.“**  
She distinctively heard him snort but he bit the inside oh his cheek, trying his best to keep his composure.  
**“Sure. What’s the code?“**  
**“It’s… The date of me making Blue Squad. Which was-“**  
She didn’t have to say anything. Poe punched the numbers without even having to think about it. Y/N stared at him for a long moment, which was, at least partially, due to the latency in her brain.  
**“Wow. I’m impressed. Do you know all of our arrival dates by heart?“**

He smiled, spinning her around softly so she was facing him.  
**“No. But I wouldn’t be able to forget yours even if I wanted to. Now, Keebler, I believe this is your time to go to bed.“**  
Y/N nodded vigorously, shrugging off his jacket and handing it back to him. She hadn’t realized she was still fisting the leather until Poe cleared his throat.  
**“Before you go, I just wanted to… Say…“**  
Say what? Maker, the thinking was hard.   
**“Thank you for walking me back. Sorry for being annoying. I know… I know today wasn’t easy for you, and yet, you’re here, taking care of my drunk ass like the good friend you are.“**  
He laughed but didn’t say anything, probably because he could feel she wasn’t done talking.  
Was Poe Dameron an angel?  
Oh, that was a question for when she’d be sober.   
**“Which is why I just… It’s okay if you and Zo-rii, you know-“**  
**“Y/N-“**  
**“No, please, let me finish because I’m not sure I’ll remember what I was saying in five seconds,“** she interrupted. **“It’s none of our business, what you do. Just… Don’t feel guilty, or anything. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, and… You know. Hook up with whoever you want to. I’ll keep Skylen off your back with his stupid bet. Do whatever makes you happy. Because, you… you… deserve to be happy. More than anyone I’ve ever known.“**  
She finally let go of the jacket and turned around, not bothering to wait for an answer she wasn’t so sure she wanted to hear anyway. She stopped once she had reached the inside of the room and spun around again, which wasn’t such a good idea.  
**“Night, General Porg Head.“**  
He grinned and gave her a mock salute as the door started to close.  
**“Sleep well, Y/N.“**  
Once the door was fully closed, Y/N made her way toward her bed-  
Only to trip on its corner. She fell face-first onto the mattress with a yelp and a curse.   
**“KRIFFING HELL!“**  
She heard Poe howler with laughter right outside of her door.   
Well. That evening had not gone how she had expected it to.

———————————

To be fair, it was nothing compared to the morning she had next.  
Or, rather, it was nothing compared to the pounding headache she had that morning when she woke up.   
She was never drinking again.  
It took her her entire day off to recuperate. She didn’t move all day. In fact, she spent it all sleeping, purposely ignoring the knocks on her door. She only answered Klana’s messages, to inform her that she was alive so she wouldn’t kick her door down. But in the darkness of her room, tucked under the covers with a bottle of water and some painkillers, she had all the time in the world to think about what she had told Poe the night before. Why, why did she have to speak up? This was why she never drank. But the situation with Zorii was weighing on her mind.  
After a long debate with herself, Y/N had decided that she was just worried about Poe. He was her friend, and she wanted what was best for him. And his ex probably wasn’t the best option, not when he had purposely run away from her and his past life. This was the only reason why she had reacted so strongly. This irresistible need to protect her friend.  
Nothing else.

All of that thinking and sleeping had worked up her appetite, and she finally mustered enough strength to stand up, take a shower, and head for the cafeteria. The hours of sleep and the water she had drunk had cured her hangover, and she felt good.  
Hungry, but good.  
Granted, she probably wasn’t looking too good, with the bags under her eyes and her nose facing down. She was very much ashamed of what she had said to Poe and hoping she wouldn’t run into him.   
She turned around the corner and walked straight into the cafeteria, only noticing then than it was packed.   
Well, so much for a quick and quiet meal.  
She heard Klana calling for her, and looked around until she noticed her sitting with Varun and Skylen.  
And, a bit further away, Tarsen and his men.  
Ah, great. 

She went to grab some food from the droid, getting the greasiest thing she could put her hands on. Then, she made her way toward the empty seat next to Klana and slouched down on it.   
**“Ah, Y/N! You’re looking better than I thought you would.“**  
The woman rolled her eyes at Varun, who snickered along with Skylen.  
**“Ha, ha. Very funny.“**  
Klana handed her something neatly folded, and she realized it was her jacket. Wait. When had she- why did she have-  
Ah, never mind. She took it with a timid “thank you“ and dug in. The rich flavor of the comfort food she had chosen for herself lifted her mood and filling her stomach emptied her mind. The four of them shared jokes and light banter as well as their meal, and Y/N was glad to be back. Isolation wasn’t doing her any good anymore.   
Pushing her empty plate slightly away from her, Y/N casually took a glance around. And her eyes almost instantly met the dark visor of a golden helmet.  
Zorii, sitting next to Poe.  
Again.  
Y/N rolled her eyes unwillingly. She had never even spoken to the woman, but her presence irked her.  
Fortunately for her - or not, it depended - someone suddenly stood between her and the target of her not-so-subtle glare. Standing right next to her, arms crossed, was none other than resident asshole, Tarsen. He had a smirk on his face.  
**“Thunderbird. I’m surprised you managed to crawl out of bed today. Looks like getting your ass saved really makes you want to drink, huh?“**  
Although he wasn’t speaking very loudly, their discussion has caught the attention of nearly everyone around them. Their feud was well-known around the base. But Y/N only squinted. He wasn’t being rude and had, in fact, a smile on his face.  
Perhaps their run-in during the battle of Hoth had eased the tension a bit.  
She would play along.  
**“Commander. I do recall that I saved YOUR ass as well, and you didn't look like you were having as much fun as I did. What should I deduce from that?“**  
He chuckled. Yes, it didn’t look like he hated her as much anymore.  
**“That I’m more responsible than you.“**  
**“Or maybe you just don’t know how to put a good show.“**  
This time, he snorted. The playfulness in Y/N’s tone was pretty evident, yet, it was also quite obvious that she was only half-joking. He took a step forward.  
**“Is that so, Buckethead?“**  
Ah, here we go.

Y/N stood up, crossing her arms, mimicking his stance. This time, it looked like the chatter around them had died down. Maker, those people were such gossips.   
**"You’re awfully confident today. Yet I haven’t seen anything remarkable enough to be worthy of respect. It seems to me like I was right. You have a big mouth, but you can’t keep up with us.“**  
Oh, it was on.   
Y/N snickered and raised an eyebrow.  
**“Us? Do you have that big of an ego that you need to refer to yourself with a plural form?“**  
**“No, I just know my strengths. Don’t be jealous, it doesn’t look cute on you.“**  
Skylen whispered something that sounded dangerously like **“kick his ass, Duckling.“**  
And perhaps it was her hubris talking. Or perhaps it was the knowledge that Poe was undoubtedly staring at her from Zorii’s side and the unknown annoyance that came with this piece of information that prompted Y/N to answer louder than necessary. She walked right to Tarsen, standing in his face purposely. Tarsen raised both of his eyebrows, visibly pleased that she had taken the bait. He was way taller than she was, but Y/N didn’t care.  
**“You know what, Commander? Let’s see if you can put your money where your mouth is. Let’s have that fly off you promised me. Now.“**  
Yes.  
Perhaps she wasn’t as unbothered as she thought, after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go! Sorry for the wait, I've had a lot of personal issues coming up lately and couldn't find time to write. I hope you're all staying safe! As always, thank you for your support, and see you soon with new plot twists and more Poe cuteness!


	14. Not an update (sorry)

Hey guys, this isn't an update, and I apologize for that. However, as you might have seen, the last one was back in July. I was supposed to update in August, but life got in the way.

Please know that **THIS STORY WILL BE CONTINUED, AND FINISHED**. I have the whole plot planned, and the next chapter has 2/3rd written already. I'm not giving up on Poe and the reader! However, I am spectacularly busy right now, since I am a full-time med student. It leaves me with little to no free time to write, which sucks.

I just wanted to update you all and say, again, that I will continue the story! My updates might not be as frequent as I'd like them to be, but I will try my best. I have mid-terms coming in two weeks, and I will get a break after that. I'll update then and get started on the next chapter as well.

Again, I'm really sorry for making you wait, and I owed you an explanation. The love and support I have received for this story have blown my mind, and I am grateful for all of you who took the time to read the adventures of Poe, Finn, Skylen, Klana, and Miss Thunderbird. Thank you for your support, your understanding, and I hope you're all doing well and that you and your loved ones are staying safe during those difficult times.

See you soon,

xoxo Belle


	15. Blinded By The Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N and Tarsen have their fly-off... And it comes with many surprises.

Admittedly, it might not have been the best idea she had ever had to start a friendly dogfight whilst she was, technically, steel suffering from her alcohol consumption.   
But Y/N had never prided herself on being smart.  
A smartass, undoubtedly. But smart?  
Nah.  
Her feet were drumming against the concrete floor, left right left right left right. Like soldiers going to war to the rhythm of the canons raining hell around them.   
Perhaps she was, indeed, headed for the battlefield.   
Tarsen had, of course, accepted her challenge. He had been eager for this opportunity for a long time, now, and he wouldn’t back down. Not now, not ever. Not when he could publicly humiliate the enemy.  
His contempt was only thinly veiled by his polite front. He had no respect for her, only a semblance of recognition for the use he had for her.  
  
It turned out that the upcoming fly off had caught the attention of many on base, most of whom were present during the first altercation. Leading the way toward the landing strip, Y/N had quickly been joined by BeeBee, who had rolled his way through the sea of legs and who was beeping worriedly. Poe thought it wasn’t a good idea.  
Y/N sneered.  
**“You can tell the General I’m doing this with or without his approval. And if he isn’t careful, after wiping the floor with Tarsen, I might come after his records.“**  
If BeeBee could snort, Y/N was pretty sure he would have.  
Instead, he let her go forward. If she was being honest, Y/N was terrified. There was more pressure on her shoulders this time than there had been during any of the battles she had been in. This was her chance to restore her honor. She had never been arrogant by any means, or particularly proud.  
But there were things worth defending. It was time she took a stand for herself.  
**“Y/N!“**  
She turned around without stopping, seeing Klana run toward her with a folded jumpsuit in her arms. She handed it out to her friend once she caught up to her, jogging by her side as they made their way across the base.   
**“Are you seriously doing this now?“**  
**“Yes.“**  
**“At least put the jumpsuit on.“**  
**“I don’t need a fancy outfit to kick his ass.“**  
  
Klana huffed and ran in front of her, stopping Y/N in her tracks.  
**“Seriously, what has gotten into you, lately? First, you got drunk yesterday. And now, you’re provoking Tarsen in front of the entire base, for what, an ego trip?“**  
She squinted. This was not why she was doing all of this.  
**“No. This was long overdue.“**  
Klana rolled her eyes and crossed her arms on her chest, shaking her head and making her curls dance around her face.  
**“Was it, though? Don’t you find the timing a bit odd? Zorii arrived yesterday, and ever since, you’ve acted out of character. This isn’t the Y/N I know.“**  
She snapped her head toward her.  
**“Maybe you don’t know me that well, then.“**  
She didn’t let her time to answer and resumed her walk toward her ship. She was pissed. Why couldn’t she understand? Why could no one understand? It had nothing to do with Zorii.  
Okay. Yes. Maybe it had _SOMETHING_ to do with her. But this woman wasn’t her primary reason for challenging Tarsen. What, she wasn’t allowed to have a friendly competition with one of her fellow pilots?  
Even if the said fellow pilot happened to be an asshole who had been very vocal with his opinion on her presence?  
  
Shaking her head, Y/N tied her hair into two loose braids and pushed the door open with her foot, stepping outside, in the hangar contiguous to the base. She was dressed in her leather jacket, a pair of tight pants, boots, and a tank top. This was more than enough to fly an X-Wing.  
Hell, she could fly it naked if it came to that. Maybe that would give her a leg up against Tarsen.   
She snorted at the idea right as she arrived next to her ship. Varun’s crew was quick to walk away upon seeing the crowd and the two pilots making their ways toward the X-Wings. She was quickly joined by Skylen, who marched right toward her.  
**“If you’re gonna try and talk me out of it, save your breath.“**  
He raised an eyebrow and scratched his beard.  
**“Oh, no. I know that look in your eyes. Not even Palpatine himself could stop you from jumping into that X-Wing. I was just coming here to tell you to kick his ass. Oh, and also, you’re gonna have VIPs in the attendance.“**  
Y/N frowned. What?  
The bearded pilot nodded toward the entrance of the hangar.  
  
There was Poe, next to Finn and Zorii. BB-8 rested by his legs as he usually did…  
But he wasn’t alone. Next to him, another droid, an R2 unit from the look of it. White and H/C, next to…  
Wait.  
Who was that?  
A yellow, fitted shirt, a blue cape, grey-dusted hair, dark skin, and a smirk on his face.  
Holy Kriffing Bantha Shit.  
That was General Calrissian.   
Now, she realized Klana had said something about him being here and she had never registered it.   
Well. Better late than never.  
**“That’s Lando Calrissian. Resistance legend himself. He was very eager to join the crowd. Something about watching laser brain pilots go at it again. I don’t know. Anyway. People are already placing bets. You’re the talk of the town, baby.“**  
Great!  
She glanced behind Skylen and noticed her adversary of the day approaching. Around them, the mechanics were already at work. The word had gotten around than the Commander and the newbie were going to race, and the ships were already being moved outside.  
**“So, what’s the flight plan?“** Tarsen asked, crossing his arms on his chest. His arrogant smirk had left his face and he seemed as focused as Y/N was. Skylen rubbed his beard like he usually did when he was thinking.  
**“I’m thinking of training path six. The newest one. Neither of you knows it too well, so you’ll have even chances.“**  
Oh, she wasn’t so sure about that.  
  
**“So, wanna race, or do you wanna make two different runs?“**  
Y/N snorted, and both of the other pilots’ attention went to her.  
“Let’s race.“  
Skylen visibly winced, but he chuckled.  
“ **Alright, alright, the lady has spoken. I’ll tell the guys to line up the ships. You go and get ready.“**  
As he walked away, he patted his friend’s shoulder and whispered as he walked by:  
**“Kick his ass, Duckling. Make us proud.“**  
She would most definitely try her best.  
  
It barely took the mechanics five minutes to get the ships ready, yet, it felt like an eternity. Y/N was silently praying for that Han Solo luck to turn up again as it had all those months ago on that shit hole of a planet she had already forgotten the name of. Around her, people were running, as if they were going out on a mission. The ballet of carts, the clatter of tools, and the humming of childhood songs from all around the Galaxy created a landscape she had grown accustomed to but that still, months later, brought her joy and excitement. It was like watching a painting. Kuat was a colorful planet, and with the ships, the outfits, the people, it made for a stunning mix.  
One that Y/N would have taken the time to truly appreciate if she wasn’t in a hurry.   
She shook her head and walked straight toward her ship. It was tiny under the slowly setting sun of Kuat. Y/N loved it. She had never felt connected to her TIE fighter. But this X-Wing was now a part of her. Her wingwoman, like Poe had joked.   
She climbed up the ladder and lowered herself inside the cockpit as a mechanic lowered her droid in its spot and handed her her helmet. She put it on without wasting a second, fastening it tightly under her jaw. She was laser-focused, now, so much that she barely registered the canopy closing on her. The sounds of the base disappeared outside of the bubble she was now in.   
  
Everyone cleared the landing strip, save from Skylen, who seemed to act as the race official. He was standing between the two ships, with his helmet on. His voice crackled through the commlink, talking to them both on the general frequency.  
_**“Alright, you two. The rules are simple. You don’t use your weapons. You stick to the flight plan I gave you. The first one of you who crosses the red marking line wins the race. I’ll kick the race off through this radiofrequency. Questions?“**_  
**“ _No_ ,“** Tarsen answered instantly. Y/N repeated his answer. No point in wasting time now.  
Skylen was quick to run out of their way and stand next to the landing strip. He gave them a thumbs up.  
Y/N turned on her engines, her fingers clenching around the joystick. She couldn’t have a false start. Her blood was pounding in her ears. She couldn’t fail. She couldn’t fail them. Her honor was at stake. The honor of the entire Blue Squadron.   
She would be damned before she betrayed Poe’s trust like that.  
_**“GO!“**_  
  
The ships roared to life and the engines thrust them forward with all of their power.   
The wind got knocked out of her lungs as the X-Wing went higher and higher and higher in the sky. Tarsen had taken a slightly better start than she had, but it was fine.  
The training path six was one that went around the planet. It didn’t go around it at its largest point, but it was still long enough that they would be gone five minutes. It was the longest one on their training schedule, and it had several obstacles-  
The first one, they had just reached.   
Old satellites used to spy on the vastness of space during the time Kuat was an Imperial bastion. They were now rusting above the surface of the planet and were to be dismantled soon, but in the meantime, it was a formidable training exercise.   
Tarsen launched himself first in the slalom, and Y/N followed suit, letting him take the lead on purpose. There was no use in trying to pass him now. She expertly maneuvered the ship between the unmoving compounds, hot on Tarsen’s heels. The obstacles were easy to avoid, and she had no issues flying close to them to save time. The trajectory she was using was different than Tarsen’s, and when they reached the last one, she accelerated slightly before he did and exited the slalom better than he did, tumbling around him to pass him.  
  
She could hear him cursing from where she stood. But now was not the time to grow complacent. The ships zoomed forward, headed for the rest of the obstacles, the first of which happened to be an asteroid field.  
**“Where is he?“** She asked her droid, and the BB unit she had been paired with informed her that Tarsen was right behind her. Okay. She could live with that. She wasn’t trying to win by a landslide, just win altogether.   
She flew right into the asteroid field without a second thought. The rocks flew past her at full speed, and she was taking unnecessary risks, she knew it. But no one had ever won a race by playing it safe. Especially against a seasoned pilot like Tarsen. He might have been an asshole, but he was a talented asshole.  
Left right left left left right right left. She avoided the asteroids with deadly accuracy. She wasn’t even paying attention to Tarsen anymore, and she knew he must have been focused on his path because flying through that kind of obstacle was always dangerous.  
She loved the thrill of it.  
  
Y/N was two-thirds through the field when she started losing focus.  
She frowned, shaking her head. She wasn’t tired, she had no reason to lose focus like that. What was wrong with her?  
She shook her head again, avoiding a particularly big chunk of rock. Her brain felt… Weird.  
Something felt off.  
She almost hit an asteroid when the first wave came.  
Something was in her head. Touching her brain, poking it gently, like a child petting a kitten. No, no. It couldn’t be. The only time she had ever experienced such a feeling was when Kylo had tried to probe her mind, all those years ago, on the Finalizer.  
It must have been the space air. She focused as hard as she could, closing her eyes for a split second, and it was enough for Tarsen to take the lead again as she yelped, swerving left to avoid a collision. She gritted her teeth. Whatever was wrong with her would have to wait. She had a race to win.   
  
They were almost done with the run. Only one obstacle left.   
It probably was the hardest of them all.   
It was an old base, the remains of a safety belt around the planet. Reputed insurmountable, every single one of the compounds had been built like a maze, with impossibly tight corridors and twists and turns at every corner. This was where most of the pilots slowed down a lot. Even a slight mistake at such a high speed could seriously damage your ship. Poe had made sure the path was as safe as possible, but it was still a death trap for whoever flew in too fast.  
But Y/N had never been one to play it safe.   
As Tarsen slowed down the ship slightly, Y/N did the opposite: she pushed it forward, beating it to the entrance of the maze by only a meter.  
She barely avoided crashing against the wall right after that.  
_**“Thunderbird! What the hell are you doing? This isn’t worth it. You’re gonna get yourself killed.“**_  
That was Tarsen’s voice in her ear, crackling through the commlink on her private frequency. He wasn’t wrong. It probably wasn’t worth it to risk her life that way for a friendly race.   
Except it wasn’t friendly, and Y/N was a stubborn person.   
  
As she took a sharp turn left, the pounding in her head and that probing feeling returned, and she had to slow down. She groaned involuntarily. What the hell was going on? Had Tarsen prepared something in case she had the upper hand? No, he would want to win fair and square, for the sake of his ego.   
Something flashed in front of her eyes and Y/N gasped, focusing so hard on the path in front of her that she saw stars. She had to finish the race. And she had to finish first.   
So, at the cost of a tremendous effort, she focused again. She wasn’t feeling too well, now. The walls were zooming past her at a dizzying speed. She was going way faster than she should have been if she was being honest. But she wanted that win, and Tarsen wasn’t giving up. He was following her like a shadow, although she often managed to put some distance between them.  
However, she knew she would be able to gain the upper hand right at the exit of the obstacle. It was a risky move, one that would require very quick reflexes from her part.  
And would probably destroy her ship should she failed. But hey, what was life without a little danger?  
She wasn’t suicidal, though, and as she turned right toward the end of the maze, she slowed down very slightly, enough to make some quick calculations. On both sides of the corridor that grew tighter in that spot anyway, were two pipes, protruding from the walls and creating some sort of neck. The obstacle needed to be approached with the ship positioned vertically so it could fly by harmlessly. But right after that, two bridges formed a neck upside down; which meant the pilots had to turn their ship, slow down enough to pass the obstacle, and then slow down again to turn it back horizontally.  
But Y/N had another idea.  
**“Is it going to work?“** She asked her droid as the ship approached the pipes dangerously fast. The droid’s worried beeps told her that it was, theoretically, possible, but that he strongly advised her against trying.  
**“You bet big, you win big,“** was her only answer.  
Her plan was simple: open her wings enough to sail harmlessly past the pipes that would just go through the space left by the open wings, and close them again right after to fly under the two bridges. The ship was slightly smaller in width with its wings open.  
If Y/N succeeded, she was pretty sure Poe would lose his shit, and rightfully so. It was incredibly dangerous, one she had only seen attempted once. Dameron had, of course, succeeded. And at a higher speed than the one she was flying at.  
But she would take it. She wasn’t trying to go after his record that day.  
  
The pipe was closing on her, and Tarsen warned her through in her commlink. He sounded genuinely worried, but Y/N turned off her radio. She didn’t need his concern. He was the one who had pushed her to make desperate moves.  
Two hundred meters, the droid beeped. Okay. If her calculations were correct, at that speed, she would have to open the wings at exactly thirty meters before the impact to succeed.   
She would see if she was right soon enough anyway.  
One hundred.  
**“Force, if you’re out there, now’s your time to shine.“**  
She wasn’t too sure why she was saying that anyway. But hey, **s** he would take all the luck she could!  
Fifty.  
A split second later, she hit the opening button and hit it again.   
Time slowed down.  
  
It seemed to Y/N that she was flying in slow motion, now. She watched as the pipes flew past her harmlessly, and stared at the bridges-  
The tips of her wings scraped against the metallic bridges with a loud screech. Y/N’s eyes went wide. Shit, if she had ruined the paint job, Poe would have her head.  
But as she finally exited the damn metallic maze, her droid informed her that the damages were minimal.  
**“KRIFFING HELL!“** she screamed, all politeness out the window.  
Tarsen couldn’t catch up to her, now, and she plunged toward Kuat with her heart thundering in its ribcage. She could barely hear anything, let alone reply to her droid. She began her descent, getting ready for the landing. The landing strip was as empty as it had been earlier and when she finally touched the ground, she was alone for a moment before Tarsen landed right beside her. He popped his canopy open and she saw him shake his head before his voice came through the general frequency.  
**“Okay. You’re bonkers enough to be in Blue Squad. I admit my defeat. You’re batshit crazy.“**  
Y/N burst out laughing, the nerves finally catching up to her as the crowd moved forward to see the two racers. First in line was Skylen, and he almost crushed her in a bear hug when she touched the ground, not even leaving her time to take off her helmet.  
**“DUCKLING! YOU CRAZY RANCOR! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU PULLED THAT OFF!“**  
She squealed in delight as he let go of her, eyes looking for Tarsen. He had just taken off his helmet, and Y/N walked straight toward him. He visibly tensed up when she arrived next to him but raised an eyebrow when she extended a hand.  
**“That was a good race, Commander.“**  
He snorted, but shook her head nonetheless, not bothering to take off his gloves.  
**“Yeah. You’re out of your damn mind, trooper. But you’re not half bad.“**  
She flashed him a toothy grin before going on her merry way. The landing strip was swarming with people, now, who were congratulating her, hitting her back, squeezing her shoulder.   
  
Y/N had never felt at ease in big crowds, and it certainly didn’t help that all of the attention was focused on her. Fortunately, Skylen was a tall guy, and he easily pushed past the handsy people. Y/N was grateful to him. She could barely hear herself think. Faces, uniforms, everything turned blurry around her, a faceless mass of features and smiles. She felt dizzy. From the adrenaline, the overwhelming attention, and something else.  
**“I don’t feel too well, Skylen,“** she whispered, and her friend turned around, worried. His blue eyes barely hid the concern he must have felt, and he suddenly grabbed her arm and elbowed his way through the crowd. Y/N’s feet were moving on their own, thundering silently, the tapping noises drowned into the sea of screams and cheers. Her head was spinning. She couldn’t breathe. What the hell was going on?  
  
It wasn’t until the door shut behind her, isolating the two of them from the outside noise, than she realized they had made it to the base. He let go of her arm and she instantly collapsed against the wall, barely catching herself against the smooth surface.  
**“Y/N? What’s wrong?“**  
His voice seemed so… Distant. The lines of the walls around her were moving, wave-like structures that were anything but natural. She winced, trying to catch her breath.  
**“I just have this… This migraine…“**  
A wave of pain sent her to her knees and Skylen dropped to his. His face looked blurry too, now.  
**“Hey. You’re not okay. I’m taking you to the medical wing for a checkup.“**  
The third wave came crashing down right at that moment.  
She yelped in pain, clutching her temples, and squeezing her eyes shut. Colors flashed behind her eyelids, and her brain felt like it was on fire, poked relentlessly by a burning brand.   
Ren probing her mind had been uncomfortable at best. This… This was excruciating. She was vaguely aware of Skylen calling her name. But she couldn’t hear him.  
All she could hear was that low hum that resembled her name. It was calling to her, and it brought along new waves of pain.  
**“Get out of my head!“** She cried out, holding her head in her hands so tightly she was sure her skull would crack. The colors were flashing faster, now, and the voice… That voice… Calling for her. She was sure of it now. There was something… Someone… In her head.  
**“OUT! GET OUT! MAKE IT STOP! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!“**  
She didn’t know whether she was screaming in her head or out loud. Her throat was dry. The pain was too much to bear. Something touched her shoulder and she heard voices, but she couldn’t make out what they were saying. It felt like she was in a dream - or rather, a nightmare.   
And then, something burned her entire body, and she blacked out.  
  
\-------------------------

  
_Poe wasn’t too happy._  
_Sure, he always enjoyed watching his pilots win races, or pull off some sick move in the air._  
_But what she had done had been downright dangerous, and if he hadn’t done it himself a few days ago, he would have said something._  
_Deep down, though, he was pretty proud of Y/N. And pretty damn satisfied to see Tarsen looking so defeated._  
_**“She is just as crazy as you, Dameron,“** Zorii commented, and he couldn’t argue with that._  
**_“Yeah, you’ll like her. Come on. Let’s go introduce you two. I have to congratulate her anyway.“_**  
_He left his spot near the screen he had used to monitor the race and went looking for his pilot. Poe caught a glimpse of her hair next to Skylen’s beard, and he followed her, Zorii close behind him. On the way, he met Lando, who smiled warmly at him and joked about pilots getting crazier every time he came by. Poe reminded him that the worst of them all had always been Han and that nobody even came close to how many risks Solo took._  
_The General couldn’t argue with his younger comrade._  
  
_Being the leader came with perks, and people stood out of his way as he was headed for the entrance of the base, following his two pilots._  
_He certainly wasn’t ready for what he found when he stepped in the hallway._  
_Y/N was on her knees, a very worried Skylen by her side. He looked up when he heard the door and his face instantly showed relief._  
**_“General. Something’s wrong.“_**  
_**“What the hell is going on?“** Poe asked, jogging toward the two. He was worried. Y/N was whining in pain, clutching her head. What had happened?!_  
_He caught Finn’s eyes from across the hallway as his friend approached, probably alerted by the commotion._  
**_“Y/N? What is going on?“_**  
**_“I don’t know! She just collapsed after complaining about a migraine. I don’t know what’s going on, but we need to take her to the medics right now."_**  
**_“OUT! GET OUT! MAKE IT STOP! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!“_**  
_Someone was…_  
_Oh, no. This was bad._  
  
_But before anyone could react, an incapacitating blaster shot zoomed past him and hit Y/N in the back. She slumped against Skylen, who caught her effortlessly._  
_Poe turned around, only to find Zorii with her blaster raised._  
**_“What the HECK?!“_**  
_**“If someone is probing her mind, then we don’t want them finding anything. Now come on. Take the girl to the medical ward. She’ll wake up in twenty minutes, and they’ll want to run some tests on her before that happens,“** she said, matter-of-factly._  
_Skylen scooped her up before Poe had time to step forward and offer his help. She looked so pale, but at least, her face wasn’t twisted in pain anymore. She truly was out cold._  
_**“Thanks, Zorii,“** he mumbled in the masked woman’s direction, and she just shrugged._  
**_“Sure. I’ll wait in the control room. We’ll need to talk about the mission when you’re done with her.“_**  
_And she walked away, leaving Poe to follow Skylen and Finn with questions in his head._  
  
——————————  
  
Yes, getting tasered wasn’t a pleasant experience.  
It had taken Y/N only a moment to understand what had happened to her. She remembered everything, especially the excruciating pain in her head - which was gone at the moment - and the sharp, blinding bite of the taser right after.  
Although it wasn’t nearly as blinding as the damn light above her head.  
**“Please turn that damn thing off,“** she mumbled.   
A surprised gasp followed her statement and she heard someone fumbling before the bright light seeping through her eyelids disappeared.   
**“Y/N? Can you hear me?“**  
She didn’t know the voice, but she still gathered her strength to open her eyes, blinking a couple of times. As she had expected (and just like the smell of antiseptics had given away), she was in the medical ward. Laying down on a stretcher, her sleeves rolled up, she was still sore, undoubtedly due to the taser shot she had been hit with. She had taken enough of those to know how it felt.  
Not that great.  
  
The voice belonged to a medic who was by her side and who was quick to run some tests, shining a light in her face. Y/N frowned as she sat down, letting him do what he wanted to her as she looked around the room. It was quiet, save from some faint noises coming from outside the double door. Door against which Poe and Finn were leaning. Skylen was sitting on a table whilst a droid glared at him, annoyed, as he seemed to fidget with something he probably shouldn’t have had his hands on.  
**“Are you feeling okay?“**  
**“I’m fine,** “ she said, rubbing her temple. She was delighted to find there was no needle in her skin yet. **“A bit sore. Which one of you tased me?“**  
Finn chuckled and stepped forward.  
**“That was Zorii.“**  
Ah, great. She hadn’t even met the girl and she had already tased her. Not off to a great start.  
  
The medic seemed content with his observations and he walked away, mumbling something to the generals before he stepped out of the room.  
**"What happened?“** Y/N asked, looking down at her body. She had a bandage inside her elbow, and they had probably taken a blood sample. Well. At least, she didn’t have to go through that while conscious.  
**“We were hoping you could tell us about that,“** Poe said, arms still crossed. **“The doc said there’s nothing wrong with you. He ran a scan of your whole body and found nothing. Nothing in your head either. But we walked on you screaming at someone to get out of your head. Care to develop?“**  
She winced. He sounded mostly worried, but also slightly annoyed. She could understand why. Not only had he probably been made aware of the fact that she had avoided medical visas until now, but he probably was pissed at her for being reckless during her race.  
Well.  
She could live with him being irritated.   
**“You scared the shit out of us, Duckling,“** Skylen said.  
**“I’m sorry. It just happened so fast. Started during the race. I had that weird feeling inside of my head, figured I just moved wrongly or something. It got worse after we landed. It felt like something was touching my brain. Like Ren did the first time we met,“** she said, looking at Poe, who nodded knowingly. **“And then I felt this… presence. Inside. Like someone was just… There. It started hurting. I heard a voice, couldn’t hear what it was saying. And then you tased me.“**  
Finn and Poe shared a look and Skylen jumped off the table he was on, knocking off a box in the process. It clattered to the flood and the droid zoomed forward to pick it up, beeping angrily.  
**“Well, that sucks. ‘Cause the last person I know of who could do that died a year ago. So who the hell tried to probe your mind, huh?“**  
  
That was the question, wasn’t it?  
**“Is he? I mean, we never recovered the body-“**  
**“That’s because it disappeared into the Force-“**  
**“Are we SURE?“**  
**“Poe, Rey told us-“**  
**“Yeah, but she could have been hallucinating. She did die for a few minutes-“**  
**“She wasn’t.“**  
**“But are we SURE the Sith are dead?“**  
**“How the hell would I know that?!“**  
The two went on with their bickering and Y/N sighed. She would rather have that discussion out of the medical wing. She didn’t like hospitals of any kind. Admittedly, this one wasn’t so bad. It felt more lively than the First Order medical wards she was used to. Perhaps because this one looked like it was used by something else than droids or humanoid beings who could have very well been droids anyway; a half-eaten apple was abandoned on the desk on her left, next to a holopad still open. Someone had undoubtedly been disturbed during their snack time.  
Poor apple. Y/N would make sure to pick fresh ones as a gift for the doctor once she was discharged.   
  
**“Guys,“** she suddenly interrupted, and both generals turned to her. She sighed, looking away from the red apple.  
**“We can’t know for sure whether it was a force-sensitive person doing Maker knows what, or someone using a mind-control device. What’s important is that they don’t try to do… Whatever it is that they were trying to do, again.“**  
Y/N was terrified. What if someone was trying to probe her mind to gain leverage on Poe and Finn? To use her as an unwilling spy to get information on the Resistance? No, she simply couldn’t have it. She would leave and isolate herself before she ever gave away anything about-  
**“I had the doctor inject you a mind blocker. It keeps the unwanted intrusions at bay. A little something we worked on after I was tortured by Ren,“** Poe said casually, but he did twitch slightly at the mention of that particular event. Although she had no doubt he wasn’t tormented by those memories anymore, it had still left a mark.  
The news made her feel a little bit better, though. At least she wouldn’t be a liability by accident.  
**“It won’t keep you safe if a Sith Lord shows up and get in your head, though. There’s only so much technology can do against the Force,“** Finn commented. Well, it was still better than nothing. Nothing could stop a mind probe. Non-Force Sensitive people couldn’t hide their secrets from Force users…  
**“Let’s hope we never run into one of them again,“** Y/N answered with a shrug, running her hand on the skin of her arm, on which she had just noticed the swelling. Undoubtedly where the doctor had put the implant.   
Heh. At least, it wasn’t a tracker, this time.  
  
As she was about to ask Poe if she was discharged, the door opened and a very alarm medic ran into the room. He must have been the owner of the apple because some juice had made its way on his scrubs. He ran a hand through his already messy hair, and both Generals turned to him with a frown.  
**“What’s wrong?“**  
**“Generals. Commander. I, uh…“**  
He looked at Y/N as he caught her breath, and she realized he was waiting for her approval to say something about her medical record. She simply nodded, curious, and alarmed to hear about whatever had him almost crashing through the door like a wild Rancor.  
**“I drew a blood sample earlier. Ran some tests on it. Standard procedures. Since Miss Thunderbird was never admitted before-“**  
Whoops. Y/N casually ignored Poe’s pointed look as her friend realized she had blatantly disregarded his advice to get a full medical check-up after the last incident. Hey, better late than never, right?  
**“… And I ran a midi-chlorian test count. You… Maker, you better come and take a look.“**  
Y/N hopped off the stretcher and Skylen gently took her arm, making sure she was steady on her feet, before letting her walk on her own. Her muscles felt a bit stiff, but it was nothing she couldn’t handle.  
  
The four of them followed the distressed medic, who kept rambling about the “uncanny results“ that they had to “see for themselves“.   
Finally, Skylen, overwrought with exasperation, yelled:  
**“Dammit, Doc, can you just tell us what the hell is wrong already?!“**  
Ouch.  
He wasn’t wrong, though.  
The poor medic just sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose out of habit, undoubtedly, since the skin was creasing there.  
**“Just… Follow me.“**  
He punched the code of the door and all of them walked into the small lab. The walls were covered in tubes, various machines gurgled and lights flashed around them. The doctor walked straight toward a bigger machine on the opposite side of the room, next to which a droid was standing.  
**“AreToo, did anyone get in? Anyone at all?“**  
The blue and white R2 unit Y/N had seen earlier that day beeped negatively.   
**“He seems to be a mascot around the base,“** she commented, and Skylen chuckled as the medic tapped on the keyboard.  
**“He was Leia’s droid for a long time. Now, he either hangs with General Calrissian or Rey on the Millennium Falcon when she’s around."**  
Ah. Famous, indeed. He must have seen a lot of things in his life… Oh, the adventures he must have been on. Saving the Galaxy decades before she was even born. She smiled to the droid, who looked at her for a moment before turning back to the console.  
**“I ran a test, and when the results came, I ran a second one on the rest of the sample. I just… Couldn’t believe it. I mean, I have seen such numbers before, but it’s not common. And for it to be undiscovered? No, this is unusual. Very unusual indeed-“**  
**“Doctor Feron. The results, please.“**  
He stopped, turned around to look at Poe, then at Y/N, then back at the screen.  
**“It’s, ah… Jedi-grade level of midi-chlorians. My calculations situate Miss Thunderbird here between twelve and thirteen thousand. Which is far more than anyone can say here. Except, of course, for…“**  
He trailed off, seemed to think about something for a moment, and then shook his head.  
**“For Miss Rey, of course.“**  
  
Y/N froze.  
What in HELL was he talking about? How could she even have a midi-chlorian count that high?! No, no. That was impossible. First of all, because she had been tested various times in the First Order and nobody had ever noticed anything. Secondly, because she was pretty sure she would have NOTICED if things suddenly started levitating around her or if she had accidentally hit someone with lightning.  
**“There must be a mistake,“** she simply stated. She was painfully aware of the stares of Poe and Finn. As for Skylen, he was staring at the doctor.  
**“That was my initial reaction, too,“** the medic answered. **“But I ran a second test on a second sample with another machine. The result was identical. Miss Thunderbird, have you ever been tested for midi-chlorians before?“**  
Y/N could barely hear him. She just shook her head.  
**“No. I mean- yes, I have. Ren had all of us officers tested for force sensitivity various times. I would be dead had he found anything remotely high enough to be seen as threatening. Show me the results. I need to see them for myself.“**  
When he didn’t move, Skylen stepped forward, sensing his friend’s frustration.  
**“You heard the lady. That’s her medical file. She has a right to see it.“**  
He nodded and tapped on the screen as Y/N shot her fellow pilot a grateful look. He squeezed her wrist and nodded toward the screen.  
  
**“It’s just here. I haven’t shown them to anyone yet and I had AreToo stand guard when I went to get you, just in case. I know things have changed, but most people are still very wary of Force-sensitive users, and…“**  
He trailed off, seemingly looking for the results as Y/N mulled over his words. She had been under the impression that Force users were mostly accepted. Ever since the fall of the Emperor and the end of the Sith, it was common knowledge that virtually any Force-sensitive being that went public with their gift used it for good. Even Rey, the last Jedi, had been on a hunt to recruit and train new padawans and restore the Jedi order to its former glory, following in Luke Skywalker’s footsteps.  
At least, those were the words on the street. The story that was told in cantinas. But the medic’s caution told her otherwise. Could it be that an anti-Force movement was on the rise? No, surely, Poe would have told her about it…  
Or would he? It wasn’t specifically her business. She was just a pilot, and she couldn’t expect the General to just tell her stuff all the time. That might have happened with Ren during her time serving him, but that time was over. Y/N snuck a glance in Poe’s direction, but he didn’t seem phased or worried. If anything, he looked curious.  
**“I… I’m sorry, there seems to be a problem. I can’t… I can’t locate the results. I mean, I can, but… They’re normal. I don’t… I don’t understand.“**  
  
This time, Finn stepped forward.  
**“What do you mean, normal? Twelve thousand midi-chlorians aren’t normal. That’s actually the opposite of what normal is.“**  
**“No, no,“** he shook his head. **“I mean… They’ve… They’ve changed. I don’t understand. Did ANYONE get in while I was gone? Did someone tamper with the results?“** He frantically asked the droid again, and he beeped negatively. **“Then I don’t understand. I saw them with my own two eyes. Now, they read one thousand, which is slightly above average, but nowhere near the previous level…“**  
Poe cleared his throat.  
**“Then maybe it was a glitch. An update in our medical equipment is long overdue anyway. If Y/N said she has never been informed of anything like this before, then I believe her.“**  
The doctor gave Y/N a long, pointed look. She didn’t look away, even if she felt uncomfortable. She could see that he wanted to argue but the weight of Poe’s eyes on the back of his neck must have convinced him to do otherwise.  
**“Yes, undoubtedly… My apologies for the scare, Miss Thunderbird. I will make sure the equipment gets taken away to be looked at by our technicians. In the meantime, I urge you to go back to the observation room. I will need to check some vitals before discharging you.“**  
  
Ah yes, that made sense. As the four of them went out of the room, a heavy silence enveloped them, soon broken by a soft ding. Skylen cursed and fumbled with his commlink, then cursed again.  
**“Ah, Kriff. I have a debrief with Green squad. I gotta go. You’ll be alright, Duckling?“**  
Y/N looked at Finn, Poe, and back at her friend. She nodded.  
**“I think I’ll manage. They don’t look like they’re gonna tase me again.“**  
Finn and Skylen snorted. Poe merely rolled his eyes. He wasn’t as amused as they seemed to be. Perhaps he was taking after Leia and was getting increasingly concerned with his soldier’s health, Y/N didn’t know. It was going to increase his blood pressure for sure.   
**“Heh. I’ll see you later.“**  
He respectfully nodded toward his superiors and walked away, glancing one last time at his friends before disappearing around the corner.  
**“Come on. Let’s get you seated.“**  
Y/N turned around right on time to see Poe raise his hand. He gently pressed it against her upper back, nudging her toward the room. Y/N frowned. Hey, she could walk just fine on her own, thank you very much. But she knew better than to argue with him about her health. She let him lead her to the stretcher and sat on it.  
  
The doctor joined them not long after, more collected than he had been before. The mystery of the glitching results was undoubtedly still on his mind, but he showed no sign of it.  
Y/N wasn’t as calm, though. Her heartbeat hadn’t gone down yet and she was quite sure the adrenaline was still heavily present in her body. Hearing such startling news had triggered her fight or flight response, as usual. She didn’t like to be the center of attention. And what worse way there was than to be noticed for something like THIS?  
She was still glad it had been a false alarm, though. She wasn’t sure she could deal with that on top of everything else.  
The medic by her side worked in a frenzy, waltzing around her with unsurprising agility. He shone a light in her eyes, took her vitals, tested a series of reflexes, before taking a step back.  
**“Well, you’re in stellar shape for someone who was tased less than an hour ago. I see nothing of concern, except for the sequelae due to an old trauma to your shoulder. I doubt it healed properly. You are more prone to dislocating it, now.“**  
Whoops. Y/N purposely avoided looking in Poe’s direction.  
**“What about the thing in her head?“** Finn asked. The doctor shrugged.  
**“We found nothing that would explain it. It could come back, or it could not, we can’t know for sure. We did everything we could to prevent it from happening again, though. The probability of you running into someone skilled enough to do that are so low that we can safely assume this was a one-time occurrence. I’m discharging you and clearing you for flying missions. I’ll prescribe some painkillers in case you suffer from migraines due to the blaster shot.“**  
He typed something on his datapad and Y/N thanked him right as Poe spoke up.  
**“Clear for flying missions? Or missions in general? Because I’m not sure it’s safe to clear her for the mission tomorrow. Given her condition-“**  
WHAT?!  
  
Y/N turned around at full speed, hair whipping at her face in the process, staring indignantly at Poe who was looking at the doctor. The medic shrugged.  
**“As I said, I see no reasons to be concerned. No medical contraindications that would justify me keeping her here. But ultimately, whether she comes with you or not tomorrow is your decision, General.“**  
He nodded toward them and went on his merry way, leaving the three soldiers behind. Y/N was still standing in shocked silence, staring at Poe who was looking at anything but her. Eventually, he had to face her and did so with his "General face" on.  
**“I just don’t think it would be wise to-“**  
**“She’s coming tomorrow, Poe. That’s it.“**  
They both turned toward Finn, who was just staring at his friend with a determined look.  
**“You heard the doc. No reasons to be concerned. There’s nothing we can do about it now that we haven’t already done. You’re not going to bench her forever because something happened. For all we know, she could have triggered a memory, too. It’s not fair to have her sit this one out because something could happen.“**  
Were they done talking like she wasn’t in the room?! Men! So annoying! She was glad Finn was sticking up for her, though. Poe acted suspiciously wary of her, suddenly. Could it be that the midi-chlorian count error had convinced him that she was lying? No, he knew better.  
  
He stayed silent for a moment before eventually letting out a long sigh.  
**“Fine! But if something happens again, I’ll tell you both that I told you so.“**  
Y/N couldn’t help it, this time. She sighed obnoxiously loudly.  
**“Thanks for the vote of confidence, General. I’ll try not to get you killed.“**  
Poe frowned, running a hand through his messy hair.  
**“That's not- I’m not- Listen, this isn’t against you, I just-“**  
He fell silent, finding that both of his friends were staring at him expectantly. He bit his lip with frustration and threw his hands in the air.  
**“Never mind. I need to go and talk to Zorii. You get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning. We will debrief you on the way there. Don’t forget to swing by the armory before we head out.“**  
He took a step toward Finn and whispered something that Y/N managed to hear anyway, thanks to the vastness of the empty room around them.  
**“You and me, we’re gonna need to talk about some stuff.“**  
He didn’t sound angry, rather annoyed, and to Y/N’s surprise, Finn merely grinned. Poe rolled his eyes and walked away, stopping right before he walked out. He seemed to hesitate for a second but ended up turning around, the side of his face turning in her direction.  
**“Oh, and Keebler… Nice job on whooping Tarsen’s ass. That was a great run.“**  
  
Although she was still pissed at him, Y/N couldn’t help but feel pride upon hearing his words. Being praised by Poe Dameron always had a special flavor.   
**“Thanks, Poe,“** she said. He nodded and walked out.  
The second the door was closed, Y/N turned to Finn, open her mouth to complain, but he stopped her.  
**“Don’t even ask. I don’t know either. Poe’s brain works in mysterious ways.“**  
They shared a chuckle. That… Summed it up pretty well.  
**“Don’t take it personally, though. He is just worried. He knows better than anyone else what mind-probing can do.“**  
That was… Accurate. Still. It wasn’t her fault they couldn’t explain it.  
Finn squeezed her shoulder, and Y/N could only notice that he had seemingly taken after Poe’s habits.  
**“Get some rest. After the day you’ve had, you need a fresh start for tomorrow.“**  
She nodded and he left as well, leaving her alone in the empty room. Without any other living being inside, it felt creepier, and Y/N winced. She picked up her commlink on the table next to the stretcher and hurried outside the room.   
Poe was right, she needed to get some rest. She wouldn’t let herself be a liability the following day. Especially since it would also be the first time she would be officially introduced to Zorii.  
…You don’t get a second chance to make a first impression.  
  
—————————  
  
At ten before eight the following morning, a well-rested Y/N stepped inside the armory with fake confidence. It had been an eternity since she had last been in the company of so many weapons in one spot. She gave her name to the guard standing watch and the second row of pneumatic doors opened, revealing rows upon rows of blasters, knives, and various guns. The room was encapsulated behind two meters-large metal walls, buried deep under ground’s level. She had to go through half a dozen checkpoints before reaching the main entrance. Poe and Finn weren’t joking with security. Military-grade doors kept the entire place sealed. There was no doubt in Y/N’s mind that some pretty secret stuff was buried in there as well.  
But it wasn’t any of her concern, for now. Her eyes glazed over the brightly lit shelves, and she suddenly felt a bit overwhelmed. What was she supposed to pick? Poe had only told them all to suit up, whatever that meant. Skylen had told her that they didn’t even know what they were getting into, which meant they had no clear orders as to what they should take with them.   
“Whatever you’re most comfortable with“, he had told her. Y/N wanted to answer that she was the most comfortable in an X-Wing. It had been a while since she had last found herself on a battlefield. And it wasn’t somewhere she liked being. The images of the First Order’s massacres were still playing in her mind when she grabbed a blaster from the shelf. It was the same size as hers, which she had left with the technicians for a clean-up before she went out. She gave it to the droid that was with her and it wrote the number in its record.  
Next, she approached the blaster riffles’ section. She had always found riffles to be overkill - no pun intended - and barbaric weapons. However, she also knew it could be quite useful to have strong firepower available… And it wouldn’t be the first time she had to use a weapon she despised.  
  
**“I’ve always hated those things,“** said a feminine voice by her side.  
Y/N turned around, finding Klana standing next to her. She hadn’t seen her since the day before, although she had sent her a message she hadn’t answered asking about her well-being.   
**“Why?“** she asked, and the curly-haired pilot merely shrugged.  
**“Too bulky. But you should bring a vibroblade sword. Since you know how to use it.“**  
Y/N snorted and shook her head.  
**“Have you ever heard of the saying? Never bring a vibroblade to a gunfight?“**  
Regardless of that particular idiom, she wouldn’t feel at ease carrying a weapon she had learned to loathe. It was the symbol of her time working for Ren, and she wasn’t that person anymore. Instead, she picked two knives.  
**“You’re not wrong,“** Klana commented. Y/N was now wandering between the racks, walking slowly, and watching the weapons without really seeing them.  
  
**“I’m sorry,“** she suddenly said, and Y/N turned around. The dark-skinned woman was looking down out of sheer awkwardness, jumping up and down very slightly.  
**“For what?“**  
**“I didn’t come and visit. I heard about the accident after you were already discharged, and I wanted to come but Skylen told me you were already out of the medical ward. And I tried to come by but you were asleep... I was so scared you had been injured during the flight!”**  
  
Y/N sighed. She wished it were that simple.  
**“I’m fine. It had nothing to do with the flight. Doctors still don’t know what happened, but it looked like someone tried to invade my mind. They don’t know more than that. It doesn’t matter anyway.”**  
What had happened wasn’t remotely as important as making sure it never happened again. Y/N wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she accidentally got someone killed.   
**“I’m sorry for yelling at you before the race,”** Klana said. “ **But I saw the way you were looking at Tarsen, how angry you were. You know, I once spoke with Leia about the Jedi code. She explained to me that the reason why Luke had reformed it was because he had understood the real threat wasn't emotional attachment... it was the thirst for revenge. And the anger that comes with it.”**  
She looked genuinely worried and Y/N merely shrugged.  
**“I’m no Jedi.”**  
She had nothing to lose by seeking revenge or getting angry. And it had been pretty cathartic anyway...  
**“I know. But I have seen people get lost in their quest for revenge. Get lost in their wish to impress others. You are better than that, and you have nothing to prove. Not to Tarsen, and not to Zorii either."**  
She had a point. And Y/N knew better than to engage in an ego race, but she couldn’t help it. The only thing that had kept her going until that point had been the need to impress Poe. And now... she felt threatened. Maybe she would never be at Zorii’s level, but she had to try. And if that involved getting back at Tarsen, well... so be it.  
**“And… You could have been, though.“**  
She looked back at her friend, who was smiling cheekily. Y/N groaned. Had the rumor already gotten around? Still, she was glad to be changing the subject.  
**“Don’t remind me. I don’t know what I would have done! Talk about a curse…“**  
  
She starting looking around again, feeling like she should try and get something else. What, however, was still left undecided. There were so many weapons to chose from. Many pieces of equipment she could put on. As she walked down the aisle slowly, Klana by her side, she settled on a pair of metallic cuffs she could easily parry a blade with. Hand-to-hand combat was always a possibility, especially in confined areas.   
**“A curse? Is that how you view the Force?“**  
There was no judgment in Klana’s voice, merely curiosity Y/N could see in her eyes as well, which was what prompted her to answer after a beat.  
**“No,“** she corrected herself, head leaning to the side in contemplation, her eyes fixated on a random piece of metal on the side of the wall. **“I’ve only seen one Force user in my life. And he wasn’t the hero of the story.“**  
That was an understatement. Ren had been a murderer, an executioner, using the Force as a tool to meet his questionable goals. But the mysterious power had been just that; a tool. It wasn’t a dark force by essence.  
**“I understand, though, that what makes it good or bad is the person wielding it. It’s not inherently positive or negative. In the hands of the right people, it could do a lot of good. But it’s also a huge responsibility. I’m better at following orders than being in charge.“**  
If Klana disagreed, she didn’t voice it, instead, she merely hummed, although Y/N did notice the slightest hint of side-eye glare.  
**“Your midi-chlorian count is still there, though. It’s not spectacular, but it exists, Skylen told me. Were you that afraid of being rejected by us?“**  
Y/N shrugged. It was a possibility. One she didn’t truly believe, yes, as her friends had been nothing but accepting of her, but still…  
**“Good thing we will never have to find out,“** she concluded, evading the question.   
  
Someone cleared their throat behind them and both women turned around in what would have been comical timing to any bystander.   
**“Sorry to bother you two,“** Finn said, leaning awkwardly against the side of a rack. How long had he been standing there? How much had he heard? **“You’ll need to get moving soon. Poe’s been calling you both, but the walls are too thick here for regular commlinks. He wants all of us on the landing strip in twenty.“**  
Us? Y/N frowned.  
**“Are you coming with us?“**  
Finn pouted, which was rare enough to get a chuckle out of Y/N.   
**“Nah. We have rules, now. Both generals can’t go out on a mission together in most cases. Safety reasons. If we both get captured… Yeah. I’ll be going away on another mission. There was an uprising in a sector the Senate recently gained back from separatists. We’re sending reinforcement. Don’t think you’ll be the only ones who get to have fun.“**  
His genuine happiness lit up his entire face and Klana giggled.  
**“Look at you, all trigger-happy. Well, we won’t keep General Dameron waiting. Have fun on your mission, General!“**  
Finn nodded and his gaze lingered slightly too long on Y/N, who raised an eyebrow, but he walked away without adding anything.   
As his footsteps echoed away in the gigantic warehouse, Klana cleared her throat.  
**“Well, I think we’re done here if there’s nothing else you want to grab.”**  
Y/N purposely ignored the implied message and merely nodded, gesturing for the droid to follow after them.   
She would be fine with what she had picked.  
  
Eighteen minutes later, Y/N stepped outside the base, feet thundering against the ground as mechanics and pilots run around. She made her way through the dancers, too absorbed by their work to notice the newcomer disturbing their choreography. Dressed in leather pants with various straps designed to carry just as many weapons, her hair ties in two braids, and her leather jacket in her shoulders, Y/N felt strangely underdressed. She had gotten used to the orange jumpsuit and being clad in a tight put protective outfit was... bizarre, to put it mildly.  
Nevertheless, she joined the rest of the group that was waiting by a cargo ship. An older model, that was sad-looking in comparison to the shiny X-Wings parked around it. It would do the job nevertheless.  
As she approached her companions, she mentally took notes of who was there. Klana was standing next to Mara and Kloon, conversing lowly. Varun was running some last-minute tests alongside what looked like two members of the team that had arrived with Zorii.  
Speaking of, where was she?  
Nowhere to be seen, that was for sure, since her purple outfit was quite the statement piece. Poe was missing as well, which was unusual. He would normally be there early to oversee everything.  
And where the hell was Skylen?  
  
Y/N approached Klana to ask her exactly that, and the woman shrugged.  
**“I don’t know. Must have his reasons to be late, though.“**  
Fidgeting with the lapel of her jacket, Y/N waited. Kloon was ever the talker, merely staring at the ship in silence. It made her feel nervous.   
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, three silhouettes approached, with BB-8. Poe, Zorii, and… Calrissian? Ah! Kriff! Of course, he would be there.  
If one could die from being nervous, Y/N would have collapsed by then.  
Fortunately, both guests went straight to Varun as Poe walked toward them. He had dressed for the job, too, sporting a leather jacket and fitted slacks with his boots. His blaster rested against his thigh and he radiated confidence, as per usual.  
Damn him.  
**“Where’s Skylen?“** Klana asked before Y/N had the chance, which she was grateful for. She would have been a stuttering mess.  
**“We had a last-minute change of plans. He’s going with Finn on his mission with the rest of your squad. Mala and Kloon will stay on the ship with Lando. You, Y/N, Zorii, and her men will break in.“**  
Noooo! The dream team, separated? What a tragedy! Klana pouted but nodded diligently. As for Y/N, she stayed silent. She was out of her element and couldn’t help but feel naked without her usual garments.  
Well. As usual, as they had been back in the day. The blade she wielded might have been cursed, but it had always brought her a feeling of safety.   
  
Eventually, Poe turned to her, and he looked her up and down as a reflex. He caught himself in the middle of it, coughed, and said:  
**“Looking good.“**  
Coming from someone who always looked like he was stepping right out of the Resistance propaganda posters, that was quite the compliment, and it made Y/N feel a tiny bit better, as usual.  
Until another voice called her.  
**“So you’re the crazy pilot who almost blew herself up for attention?“**  
Y/N turned around on her heels, coming to face a black and gold mask. Its visor was lowered, revealing sparkling blue eyes rimmed with black. The smallest strands of blonde hair poked through the sides, and Y/N realized she was staring her down.  
She felt uncomfortable around the other woman, for various reasons. But she had something going on for her; her experience as a “fake it ’til you make it“ adept, and her ability to play the role of someone confident.  
**“And you’re the crazy chick who zap people out as an introduction. Didn’t they teach you manners on Kijimi?“**  
She hoped she hadn’t gotten the name of her planet wrong. She was quite sure that was what Klana had said, but-  
Zorii snorted.  
**“I like this one,“** she said in Poe’s direction, before walking off without another word.  
Y/N watched her go, utterly confused, mouth hanging agape. What the HECK?  
**“That’s Zorii for you,“** Poe sighed and shrugged. **“Anyway. I have to introduce you to someone else before we take off.“**  
And before she could react, Y/N was whisked away, Poe’s hand resting on her back. When he realized what he was doing, he let go of her and slid an apologetic look in her direction.  
  
He had no time to voice it, though, because both of them had reached the last person of the group.  
Dressed in his usual attire Y/N had already seen him with, Lando Calrissian was watching the men at work. He turned around when the pilots stopped, a warm smile on his face.  
**“Lando, this is Y/N.“**  
**“I do know her, Poe,“** he answered with a laugh, and Y/N internally winced. Ah, yes, he had been in the audience.  
He studied her for a second as if he was expecting something from her. Y/N wasn’t used to speaking when she wasn’t asked to, so she kept quiet as the scrutinizing gaze detailed her face, looking for something. He finally extended his hand for her to shake.  
**“You know your way around an X-Wing, that’s for sure.“**  
Slightly relieved, the woman shook his hand.  
**“So it seems. It is an honor to meet you, General.“**  
He squinted slightly, and Y/N felt like something was amiss.   
**“It is, indeed.“**  
Before he could get another word out, Zorii called from inside the ship, and Poe nodded in her direction.  
**“Alright, time to get on board. I hope you didn’t forget your toothbrush because we’re not stopping to buy one.“**  
  
Twenty minutes later, as the ship zoomed quietly through hyperspace, leaving white trails in its wake, everyone sat together. The ship was spacious, but the control room was not, and all of the expedition’s members were huddled up like droids since it was the only place where all of them could hear the instructions. Y/N had found herself flushed against Poe’s left side, and although she was trying her best not to brush too often against him, her other option was to cuddle Kloon’s side, and he frankly creeped her out a little.  
She would settle for Poe, who didn’t seem to mind anyway. He wasn’t trying to get away from her, which she found strangely comforting.  
Zorii was the one conducting the brief, visor back up, and determination in her gait. She had been talking for the past five minutes about the slave trade. How crime rings had taken advantage of the confusion after the fall of the Last Order and had grown more powerful in abandoned regions while the Republic was rebuilding itself.   
**“They call themselves the Gold Circle. Dumb name, if you want my opinion. They’re new but determined.“**  
“Why are they kidnapping people? Where are they coming from, and where do they go?“  
She shrugged stiffly at Klana’s question.  
**“We don’t know that. We only know they’re being held in the old labor camp. Our spies have reported that they’re armed with top-notch weapons.“**  
Poe frowned and twitched in his seat. His knee brushed against Y/N’s.  
**“That’s unusual for mobsters. They’re being funded.“**  
He was right. Someone was probably paying them, which would explain how they had grown so quickly. It still didn’t explain the slave trade or gave them a name.  
**“Regardless of that, we need to get the people out. We didn’t manage to get their identities, but we counted around thirty of them. They’re being held in the lower levels of the camp.“**  
Ah, so that was why they needed such a big ship.   
**“My men are stationed above Wobani, far enough from their scanners to remain undetected as long as needed. They’ll cover our escape if it comes down to it, but we can’t have them too close to the surface of the planet, otherwise, they’ll pick up their signals and blow them up. The cargo ship we have here has a standard identification number. They use them all the time for deliveries on the other side of the planet, so we’ll be fine. We will land a few kilometers away from the mountains up north. There’s a landing site that isn’t as protected as the others right next to the entrance. If we can get there, Lando will pick us up and get us out of here and back to the base early enough for dinner.“**  
Seemed risky, and like they would be taking a big risk stepping out in the open like that.   
**“We’ll sneak in through the west entrance. There is a manutention tunnel through which mine carts went through in the old days. It’s abandoned and should be mostly free of guards. We get in, we head for the lower levels, we get out. We’ll be working in pairs, six of us in total, in charge of ten civilians each. Dameron, Klana, you’re together. Y/N, you’re with me.“**  
Wait, _WHAT_??!  
  
First of all, WHY hadn’t she been paired up with Klana? And why wasn’t Zorii going with Poe? They knew each other. It wasn’t logical. Or maybe she was just making sure not to put all of her eggs in the same basket? Who knew.  
She still hated it, though. She clenched her teeth and found herself surprised when Poe’s knee brushed against hers again, this time on purpose.  
**“You’ll be fine. Zorii might be rude, but she knows what she’s doing.“**  
**“I heard that,“** she hissed. **“Anyway. I suggest you rest up. We’ll be there in a few hours.“**  
She wanted to argue, but what use would there be? Everyone else seemed fine with the decision. Maybe Klana was right. Maybe she was just… Jealous.  
As everyone else left, Y/N sat alone for a moment, glancing through the windows. It was so quiet, out there. Much quieter than what would await them on Wobani. With a sigh, she stood up and followed the rest of the group out. Zorii was right, they needed the rest.  
  
She found a crate to nod off against since the ship wasn’t exactly equipped to accommodate the troops comfortably. She woke up later with a jolt as her forehead bumped harshly against the side of the crate. She rubbed it with a wince, feeling the imprint of its side on her skin.   
Well.  
**“Good, you’re awake.“**  
Y/N turned her head slightly, seeing Zorii leaning against the side of the ship, arms crossed. She tossed her something and the pilot caught it reflexively, opening her hand to reveal an earpiece.  
**“They’re encrypted. Don’t lose it. And get up, we’re landing in five.“**  
It was going to be a DELIGHT working with her. Nevertheless, Y/N did as she was told, putting the earbud in and checking her weapons. Blaster, knives, sword- ah, no, right. No sword.  
Through the window of the ship, she could see the surface of the planet. Dirty-looking, it wasn’t particularly welcoming, and Y/N had seen enough holovids of the camp to know that it, indeed, was pretty hostile.  
And muddy.  
Still, she made her way through the ship, meeting the others in the docking bay. Poe nodded in her direction and gestured for her to come closer. He then produced a… Scarf? From the pocket of his jacket.  
**“To cover your face with. You’ll thank me later.“**  
Y/N smiled and put the piece of cloth around her neck, pulling it upwards to hide the lower part of her face.  
**“Alright. We’re in the clear. No suspicious activity on their part. They think we’re just a random transport ship. Let’s move fast. The sun is rising. There’s still enough nighttime for us to get in unnoticed.“**  
Y/N could only appreciate how smart Zorii was with her planning. Cargo ships didn’t come at night, but they came in the early hours of dawn. She might have been rude, but she was wickedly smart.  
  
The ship touched the ground and the six of them poured outside. Zorii gestured for her men to take a look around, and, after a quick patrol, they reported that the area was clear.  
The plant was empty of any vegetation, as far as Y/N could tell. The area they had landed on was pretty rocky, and the sky, albeit still quite dark, was saturated with dust and dirt.  
Truly a damn hellhole.   
The squelches of her boots sinking in the mud soon replaced the soft sound of footsteps on the rocks as they got closer to the camp. It was becoming louder, even though they were pretty far away from it and it was still nighttime. Y/N found that her companions were all restless as she looked around and Klana had a permanent frown on her face.   
They walked in silence for what felt like an eternity until Zorii gestured for all of them to duck. The last meters were crossed crouching and, finally, they reached the top of the hill they had been climbing.  
The camp was bigger than she would have thought. And once again, Y/N recognized the silhouettes and the helmets of stormtroopers. The white armor was streaked with mud and wasn’t so white anymore, but it was unmistakably them. They walked along with gruff-looking men and women, probably the actual mafia members. They had brand new speeders, shiny new transporters.   
Nothing that could be affordable for a struggling, up-and-coming crime ring. Something wasn’t adding up.  
Zorii nudged her side and nodded toward an isolated building. The entrance they were looking for. It wasn’t too far away. They still had to step out in the open, though.   
**“I’ll go. You cover me,“** Poe said, standing up.  
  
He made his way down the hill, taking advantage of the dark sky and the rotation of the guards. His silhouette became smaller and smaller until they could barely see him moving. After an endless wait, his voice crackled through their earpieces.  
**“Clear. Come on.“**  
The small group got moving, following after him. They split up around the entrance, and BB-8 cut it open with his small blowtorch. Zorii pushed it open, looked inside, and shrugged.  
**“Empty.“**  
Yeah, fortunately for them.   
The group poured inside the hallway, which had been, undoubtedly, abandoned years ago. The door itself had been quite difficult to spot as it was so dirty you needed to look twice to make sure it was there. The insides weren’t much better. Thanks to the small droid and his torchlight, they could progress without knowing over the various objects that littered the floor. Abandoned buckets, empty carts, pieces of wood. As the light shone on a wall, Y/N noticed small scratch marks, methodically aligned.  
They had been counting days.   
The fleeting glimpse was quickly gone and she resumed her walk, her mind wandering to the horrors the poor prisoners must have lived through.  
  
The air was thick with dust and Y/N was indeed mentally thanking Poe for the cloth. It didn’t stop the rancid smell to make its way into her nose, but it certainly helped.   
But, even thicker than the smell of old metal and dirt, it was the silence that was heavy, sometimes broken by distant clatters or screams. It felt like they had stepped into the past and were so far away from everything else. A place out of time, taken right out of a page of the Empire’s history book.  
When they finally reached the other side of the long hallway, they could hear more clearly the voices of the guards. BB-8 turned the light off.  
**“This is where we split up. There should be staircases going deeper down left and right of the hallway we’ve reached. We’ll regroup here in half an hour. Good luck.“**  
Klana opened the door and the six of them went out, finding the hallway deserted. Still, they had to be careful. The place was swarming with guards.  
Zorii and Y/N turned left, and the others went right. Hands gripping tightly her blaster on tasing mode, Y/N covered their backs as they went forward. The hallways were dimly lit, and fairly low in height. A hole in the wall, it was living up to its reputation as a place where nobodies ended up.  
  
Footsteps echoed from down the hall and both women flattened themselves against the walls as two guards walked past. Zorii nodded for Y/N to go check the hallway out, and the woman obeyed. The thing was a maze and there were so many blind spots, she had a bad feeling about it.   
**“Clear,“** she said. She wondered if the others had already located some prisoners. They had only walked past empty cells yet. Or maybe they had just been emptied. Maybe the people living there had been taken to be sold off to the highest bidder, or Maker knew who needed them…  
Nothing about that place added up. The money that had gone into rehabilitating it, the weapons, the guards. That and the sector wasn’t particularly famous for slave trades. It just wasn’t a popular market around there. So what was going on?  
**“Y/N. Here,“** Zorii whispered.  
And, indeed, they had found their targets. Down the hall, they could see a row of cells, guarded by a stormtrooper.   
**“Want to take him out?“**  
**“Go ahead.“**  
Huh.  
Strange.  
She shrugged it off and waited for the guard to walk away for a moment before she stepped out of her hiding place, finding a spot behind a pillar.  
And she whistled.  
The footsteps hurried in her direction as the guard stepped forward cautiously. As soon as the length of his gun was within reach, Y/N yanked it from his hands.  
**“What the fu-“**  
She hit him on the face with the cross, making him recoil in surprise, before grabbing his arm and firing her blaster toward the unprotected part of his torso. The incapacitating shot hit him through the protection and collapsed, stunned. Y/N discarded his weapon.  
**“Clear. Come on, we’ll put him in the cell for when he wakes up.“**  
  
Zorii walked out of her hiding spot, tilted her head to the side, and hummed.  
**“Not bad.“**  
So THAT was it was all about? It was a test?  
Y/N pursed her lips in annoyance. Was she for real? What was she testing her for? They didn’t know each other. It was very likely they were never going to work together again. So what was the POINT?  
**“Whatever. Let’s get those poor people out.“**  
She glanced in the hallway, making sure nobody else was around, before approaching the cells. There were five of them, each with two people inside. The ruckus had woken them up and they were standing close to the door, waiting to see what would happen.  
**“I’ll look around to see if there’s anyone else in this sector. You get them out.“**  
And off she went, leaving Y/N alone to fend for herself, with a dozen civilians.  
The woman sighed and yanked the keycard to open the cells from the trooper’s belt, opening them one by one. She dragged the unconscious trooper to an empty cell and closed the door behind him.  
Fortunately, the prisoners looked healthy, albeit a little dirty from having been locked up for Maker knew how much time. Most of them ventured outside of their cell once the door was unlocked, waiting for Y/N to speak up.  
One of the doors, however, was stuck, and the damn card wasn’t opening it. With a sigh, Y/N turned to the two inhabitants.  
**“Step back.“**  
They obeyed without even questioning her, and she blew the door up with a precise shot to the control panel.  
Y/N 1 - prison door 0.  
**“Who are you?“** one of them eventually asked. A woman in her mid-forties, clutching the side of a younger man, probably her son.  
**“My name’s Y/N Thunderbird. I’m a soldier in the Republic Alliance. This is a rescue mission, ma’am.“**  
Hearing the name of the Alliance seemed to soothe her worries, and the rest of them stepped out, right as Zorii came back.  
  
**“Is that everyone?“**  
**“The other cells are empty. Let’s get out of here. Call Poe, let him know.“**  
As she gathered everyone around, Y/N pressed her earpiece.  
**“Poe, we’ve got them. There are ten of them here. How is it looking for you?“**  
She waited a couple of seconds, anxiously biting her lip. What if they had run into trouble? What if-  
_**“Y/N. We’re fine. We’ve rounded them up too. Plo and Shay got their group too. Let’s meet back to the rendezvous point.“**_  
**“Roger that, General.“**  
Zorii lined them up against the wall, grouped tightly so they could easily cover their exit. They started their walk back to the tunnel as silently as they could. The journey was pretty uneventful, they stopped a few times to hide from guards making their rounds. Y/N was grateful for that because she truly hated having to shoot people down.  
But she should have remembered the first rule she had learned in the First Order, right after her very first flight.  
Never, ever, jinx it.  
When the first shout came, Zorii stopped dead in her tracks, blaster raised. When the second shout was heard, she turned to Y/N.  
**“They found the trooper. Damn it. We need to hurry.“**  
Right on cue, as if someone was enjoying making it all the more dramatic, the sirens started screaming and red light flooded the place as the emergency alarm rang throughout the camp. Y/N cursed and gestured for their protégés to hurry up. If they were caught in the crossfire in such a small space, they were screwed. Zorii and her wouldn’t be able to cover them all with only two guns. And Poe and the others had to bring the rest of the prisoners to safety.   
  
Heavy footsteps echoed down the halls, coming from all directions. The entrance of the tunnel was still not in sight, and they were closing up on them.  
They would never make it.  
**“Zorii. We need to create a diversion. Make them run after us.“**  
Her visor opened and she stared at Y/N for what seemed like an eternity, before nodding sharply. She unhooked her second blaster from her belt.  
**“Does anyone knows how to shoot?“**  
To Y/N’s surprise, the kid she had noticed earlier stepped forward.  
**“My dad taught me…?“** he said, unsure. Before his mother could protest, Zorii shoved the gun in his hands.  
**“Okay. You shoot anyone that looks like a stormtrooper. Go up this hallway, then left, then right. You’ll find our friends. Now hurry! We’ll distract them.“**  
The group went on their merry way as Y/N and Zorii ran in the opposite direction. Once they were far enough, the pilot sighed.  
**“Ready?“**  
Zorii nodded and Y/N turned her blaster to lethal shot before firing at the wall thrice. More shouts erupted and the footsteps got louder and louder. Y/N gripped her blaster tighter and both women hid behind the pillars to the best of their abilities. They would be there any second, now.  
  
The first shot came from Zorii as soon as the trooper turned around the corner. She hit him in the arm and he yelped, retreating as his friend took it upon himself to fire back. Blaster shots flew across the hallway, missing them by a hair. Y/N barely registered Poe’s voice in her ear, but she was too busy trying not to die to answer. He would have to wait.  
**“Y/N! Behind us!“**  
She turned around so fast it almost gave her whiplash. A guard had crept up behind them. Without even thinking, Y/N grabbed one of her knives and hurled it at the intruder. It lodged itself blade first in his chest and the man collapsed. Zorii glanced behind her and stated:  
**“Nice throw.“**  
Y/N had no time to react that another trooper stepped behind them. They were too exposed, there. Y/N shot him down. Taking advantage of the small break in between the shots, she raised her hand to her earbud and said:  
**“Zorii, we need to fall back. We’ve attracted enough attention, we need to protect ourselves.“**  
_**“Y/N! Is that you? Where the HECK are you two? Your prisoners came back and you’re not there.“**_  
**“We’re still inside the base. They were closing up on us. Don’t wait up. Get the prisoners out of here.“**  
Poe fell silent for a second before his voice crackled up again through the earpiece.  
_**“I’m coming back for you.“**_  
After that, he fell silent. Zorii nodded toward the back of the hallway, and Y/N took it as her chance to retreat. While her partner covered her, she ran back, almost tripping on her own feet because of the mud under her soles. Blaster shots were flying around, raining on them from all sides.  
They weren’t going to last long.  
As Zorii joined her, she fell right by her side, crouching down to avoid being shot at.   
**“They have us cornered. We won’t hold them back much longer.“**  
**“I know. But they’re not shooting to kill. These are incapacitating shots.“**  
She was right! They were trying to capture them. Oh, no, that wasn’t much better.   
But at least, the others had time to run.  
  
Soon enough, they had to retreat again, backing off further down the hallway and exposing themselves in the process. Footsteps were thundering around them like hundreds of soldiers marching. Zorii and her were almost back-to-back in a niche between two pillars, barely protected, trying to find an escape route, but to no avail. Y/N’s blood was roaring in her ears.  
_Please let them be safe. Please let them be safe. Please-_  
Something flashed in her peripheral vision, and before she had time to think about it, Y/N pushed Zorii out of the way. She dropped her blaster in the process and the pilot yelped as the knife - her knife - pierced her thigh, spilling blood in the process.  
**“What are you doing?! We want them alive!“**  
The pain was sharp and Y/N fell to one knee, grabbing her other vibroblade. She yanked the earpiece out of her ear canal and smashed it against the wall.   
She couldn’t let them track her friends down.  
When she looked up and aimed at the nearest trooper, she realized one of his friends had caught Zorii in a chokehold and was aiming at her head with his weapon.  
**“Surrender now, or we kill her. We only need one of you alive.“**  
Y/N was breathing hard, her eyes going left and right, trying to find a way to shoot her way out of that one. But she couldn’t. She lowered her blaster and it was taken from her hand.  
**“You two are under arrest,“** one of the troopers said, forcing Y/N to her knees. Her leg was killing her. Zorii was brought to kneel as well, with a sharp thrust forward. Both of them were held at gunpoint.  
_Please let them be safe-_  
**“Tase them both. We’ll deal with them later.“**  
Before she could register the words, the all-too-familiar feeling of electricity shot through her body and she blacked out.  
_Please let Poe be safe._

\---------------------

  
_Three kilometers from there, the group finally reached the ship. Poe stopped, catching his breath, as Lando, Mala, and Kloon helped the prisoners up the ramp._  
_**“Where are Zorii and Y/N?“** Lando asked. Poe shook his head._  
_“ **They had to hold them back. I tried calling them, but they’re not picking up. They must have captured them.“**_  
_Or they were…_  
_No._  
_He couldn’t think about that._  
_Maybe he should have spoken up when Zorii had assigned Y/N to her. Maybe he should have gone with her instead. Maybe if he had been with her, they would all be back._  
_**“Poe, we can’t wait for them with the ship,“** Klana said softly. **“We need to leave the planet before they realize where we went.“**_  
_She was right. Of course, she was. The prisoners were their priority._  
_But Poe would be damned if he let anyone behind._  
**_“You go ahead. I’m going back in to get them out. We’ll steal a ship or something. I’ll figure it out. BeeBee, you go with them.“_ **  
_The droid beeped negatively so loudly that Poe was worried he had alerted the entire camp. The orange ball stared fiercely at his human, and Poe sighed._  
**_“Alright, ALRIGHT. You can come.“_ **  
_**“Are you sure, Poe?“** Lando asked. He was frowning. But he couldn’t take the younger general out of it and he knew it; he, himself, had taken part in many suicidal rescue missions with Han Solo back in the day._  
**_“I won’t leave them.“_ **  
_Calrissian nodded and went back inside the ship. Poe pulled his scarf up again and off he went._  
_Only to realize he wasn’t alone when he heard other footsteps. Turning to the side, he noticed that Klana hadn’t left him._  
**_“Klana, what-“_ **  
**_“Y/N is my friend. And Zorii is yours. Lead the way, General.“_ **  
_He snorted and did just that._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! It's a-me, Mario! Back with a long-overdue chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed it. You're going to get a lot of new hints very soon... Hehe. As usual, thanks for reading, and I'll see you for the next one <3


	16. White Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zorii and Y/N share a very... interesting discussion, and plan their escape. Familiar faces return, and a new threat rises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mention of injuries, canon-typical deaths, gun violence

It was becoming increasingly annoying to wake up sore because of a tasing shot.  
And it certainly didn’t help Y/N’s mood to see that on top of this particular — and aggravating — piece of information, she was not only waking up sore but waking up sore in a KRIFFING JAIL CELL.  
What a terrible day.  
The bed, or whatever it was they called as such in this hellhole, felt cold under her skin. That was when Y/N realized she had been stripped from her outer garments. Her sleeveless jacket was missing, she was barefoot, and of course, they had taken off any weapons.   
At least, she still had pants on, and they hadn’t touched her necklace.   
**“Would you look at that, Sleeping Beauty is awake.“**  
Y/N sat up on the metal bunk, only to find Zorii on the one facing hers.   
Well.  
She assumed it was Zorii since she had been deprived of her usual helmet.  
It was such a strange sight, to see her bare-faced. She was a few years older than her, undoubtedly, but beautiful nonetheless. Y/N wasn’t surprised. It was obvious that Poe would have good taste. Her hair was tied in a low ponytail she must have kept tucked away on the daily.  
  
Ignoring her sarcasm, Y/N glanced down at her thigh. Her pants were still cut, but she found no blood. Instead of a bloody mess, she discovered a white bandage.  
 **“They patched you up while we were out. They don’t want us to die, apparently. They’ll probably torture us later.“**  
 **“Aren’t you little miss optimistic,“** Y/N groaned, standing up.  
She tested her leg, shifting her weight. It still hurt, but at least, she wasn’t bleeding out.   
**“By the way. Thanks for stepping in, earlier.“**  
With her head still ringing from the blaster shot, it took Y/N a moment to realize she was talking about the knife. She shrugged.  
 **“That’s what partners do.“**  
Once she was sure she wouldn’t fall, she cautiously approached the door. She couldn’t see very much what was happening in the hallway, but it sounded empty enough for her to try to plan an escape route. She rammed the door with her shoulder, which earned her a bruise.  
 **“I really don’t get what Dameron sees in you.“**  
  
Y/N stopped dead in her tracks and turned around, only to find Zorii leaning against the wall, an unimpressed look on her face. She wasn’t showing any will to help.  
 **“He apparently sees someone competent enough to join his team, AND someone good enough to accompany him on special missions. So if you’re pissed about it, talk it up to him.“**  
She went back to studying the door, trying to find anything that might help. It was an old base, and although they had brand new weapons and vehicles, they hadn’t rebuilt it. It would probably attract too much attention. Which meant that it was bound to have flaws. perhaps even short-circuits she could exploit. She was no droid, but Y/N could fry a control panel if needed.  
 **“That’s not what I’m talking about. I saw you flying. You’re decent.“**  
 **“Not by his standards,“** she replied, rolling her eyes. **“And why do you care anyway? It’s not like we’re likely to run into each other again.“**  
Y/N distinctively heard Zorii sigh.  
 **“Poe is a friend. And even though he pisses me off like nobody else, I don’t like people abusing his trust. And I don’t trust you to have his best interests at heart.“**  
She could get behind that.  
But she still didn’t like her, or how aggressive she was.  
  
Turning around once more, Y/N pursed her lips and crossed her arms.  
 **“Poe is my friend and my superior. His interests are mine. I would die to protect him, without question. And if you really want to know, I’ve encouraged him countless times to go after what he wants, even if it’s something politically incorrect like getting back with his ex who could need some help with anger management issues.“**  
There, she had said it. And she didn’t like how it made her feel.   
But to her surprise, Zorii laughed.  
 **“What’s so funny?“** Y/N hissed, and the other woman doubled over with laughter.  
 **“Maker, please tell me you didn’t actually tell him _that_.“**  
Uh.  
Now that she was thinking about it, Poe had laughed, too, when she had mentioned it to him a couple of days earlier.  
 **“Well, I-“**  
 **“I’d rather shoot myself in the leg than go back with Dameron. He is an ass, and one time was enough. So, no thank you.“**  
Who was the dumbass, here? Poe was an incredible man. He was smart, funny, determined, loyal, and kriffing handsome-  
Yeah. She was SO not telling her that.  
  
She fell silent after that, still watching Y/N intently as she tried to wiggle her hand through the bars, trying to reach the control panel.   
**“I know you paired us up because you wanted to test me,“** Y/N said quietly, not bothering to look back at her. Why, of all people, did she have to be locked up with her? Even Tarsen would have annoyed her less. He was serious when on a job.  
And his muscular frame would have come in handy to kick the door down.  
 **“And you’re saying you have no issue with my work. So what’s the problem, huh?“**  
Her fingers missed the panel by an inch and she cursed loudly, stepping back and massaging the skin of her arm that had been roughly scratched by the metal. She couldn’t see a way to break free before their captors came back.  
She leaned against the door, a challenging look in her eyes. Zorii still hadn’t moved an inch but looked more aggravated than before.  
 **“I was going to say you’re not half as stupid as I thought, but then you just had to keep talking,“** she sighed. **“I don’t care about who he chooses to take on missions. But he likes you, and he has enough on his plate to deal with a heartbreaker on top of everything else.“**  
  
Y/N choked on her saliva. She coughed, her eyes watering as she tried to catch her breath.  
 **“What the KRIFF?“** she finally said in a strangled cry. Zorii rolled her eyes.  
 **“Oh, come on. Even you ain’t that stupid. You don’t actually believe he treats everyone like he treats you, huh? Because I haven’t seen him sneaking out of a party in his honor to walk back a girl he doesn’t care about.“**  
 **“Poe cares about everyone, that what makes him who he is. Are you sure you even know him that well?“** Y/N answered, annoyed as well. She was sick and tired of people pushing that narrative on her. It wasn’t helpful, because she would end up getting her hopes up for nothing.   
And she knew by experience that dating a pilot always ended up in heartbreak…  
 **“Instead of grilling me, would you mind helping me out with that?“** she said, changing the subject. Zorii shrugged.  
 **“Oh, I already tried while you were passed out.“**  
WHAT?!  
She stared at her in disbelief as Zorii studied her reaction, obviously trying not to laugh at her.  
 **“And WHY are you only telling me this NOW?“**  
 **“It’s funnier to watch you sweat.“**  
Oh, she HATED her already. Even more than Tarsen.  
Well, actually, no. At least, Zorii hadn’t brought up her former allegiance. But then again, it would have been pretty hypocritical of her, considering what she had been doing for a living before the war.   
**“I swear, if we get out of here alive, I’m killing you myself,“** she mumbled, and Zorii snorted.  
 **“I’d like to see you try.“**  
  
Defeated, Y/N sat down on the floor, her back against the door. There was only one thing left to do: wait. And make a plan for when they would finally be taken out of the cell.  
 **“I guess we’ll have to wait until they come to get us to fight our way out.“**  
Zorii nodded. For once, she wasn’t arguing. The jail cell fell silent as both women thought about it. They couldn’t count on their friends to break them out. The camp must have been on lockdown after they had realized the prisoners had escaped.  
And Y/N surely hoped they were long gone already. She didn’t want anyone to be hurt, or worse, because of a rescue mission.  
…  
Wait.  
 **“I have an idea,“** she suddenly said, jumping up. **"We need to make them lower their guard, correct?“**  
Zorii nodded, curious.  
 **“Well, if they want to keep us alive to torture us, I think they would try their best to keep us alive for as long as they can. This means that if one of us were to, I don’t know, collapse from loss of blood, they would probably check on us.“**  
The other woman must have caught on because she smirked.  
 **“Let’s say, a stitch popping open, and your wound bleeding? Which would cause blood loss, and for you to be super weak. Not a threat, but they’d have to get close to you to check if you’re not dying on them.“**  
Y/N smiled brightly. Oh, she was catching on. Planning to fall at their feet and attack them while they were distracted was their best chance to grab a weapon.  
  
Slowly, Y/N pulled her pants down, enough to access the bandage. It had been wrapped clumsily, but it was still pretty clean. She loosened it, only to find its insides bloody and gory. The wound itself had been quickly cauterized and she was sure to walk away with a nice scar. At least, it was no longer bleeding. Wincing as the area was still sore, Y/N turned the bandage around, exposing the dirty part so it could be seen through the gash in her pants. Once she was sure it was secure, she pulled her pants back up and widened the hole to the best of her abilities so the troopers could see the “wound“.  
This would do.  
She then sat back down, this time on her bunk. Zorii hadn’t said a word and she didn’t look like she wanted to talk. At least, they would avoid the awkward topic of Poe.  
Some time passed, nobody came to visit. Sometimes, they would hear the occasional yelling or footsteps far away, but nothing else. Eventually, Y/N grew restless and proceeded to mentally go through her training routine, which inevitably led her to think about Poe. She hoped he was safe. She had good hopes that her distraction had worked well enough for them to slip out unnoticed, but still. He had a talent for getting in trouble.   
And, as if she could read her mind (hey! Poe had told her this would NOT happen again!), Zorii spoke up.  
 **“I’m still waiting.“**  
 **“Yeah, well, wait in silence.“**  
 **She rolled her eyes.**  
 **“I’ll get my answer one way or another. I’m listening. What’s the deal with you and Dameron?“**  
Y/N could only admire her dedication to the cause, and appreciate that she seemed to be truly looking out for Poe.  
But she was still stubborn and wouldn’t spill the beans that easily… Especially since she didn’t know what to tell her, and she was still convinced there was nothing special about the way they interacted.  
  
 **“You’re the one who dated him, what are you even talking about?”**  
Another eye roll.  
 **“Yeah well, it’s not me he was dead worried about when you were passed out, Shorty.“**  
SHORTY?! Y/N scoffed. Okay, first of all, of COURSE, he was worried, they were friends, and second of all, he was not THAT worried, he was pissed, thank you very much.  
 **“Yeah, well, it's not me he was IN LOVE WITH, Blondie,“** she answered, mimicking Zorii’s voice. She was getting on her nerves. Why was EVERYONE teasing her?   
Zorii stayed silent for a moment, sighing. She looked tired.   
**“It was a long time ago. We’ve both moved on. So spill. If I’m gonna die here, I want to know if you’re good enough for him.”**  
A nice sentiment, but why did she have to lay on the doom and gloom THAT much?  
 **“Shut up, nobody is gonna die.”**  
 **“I said SPILL before I torture it out of you.”**  
That escalated quickly. And there she thought REN had anger issues!  
Well, truth be told, now that she was thinking about it, at least Zorii didn’t Force choke the people she was annoyed by? Oh, that was probably only because she wasn’t Force-sensitive.  
  
Y/N sighed, trying to lean comfortably against the wall, but to no avail. The cell was everything but comfortable.  
 **“Maker, you’re kriffing pushy.”**  
Rolling her shoulders to appease her sore muscles, she started thinking. No matter what she said, Zorii would nitpick. She wasn’t even sure why she was entertaining her with an answer. Maybe because she had Poe’s trust, and Y/N wanted Poe to trust her as well. It had always been one of her biggest insecurities; to be disliked and distrusted by people she liked. To do something so bad she would lose their support. Perhaps it was slightly toxic to seek approval this much, but hey, she was trying her best.  
 **“It’s… Complicated. We’re friends, I think. I mean, I know we are. But we’re not that close either, because there’s this barrier caused by our ranks. You can’t be too close to your superior. Especially not when he is on top of the food chain. It always causes trouble in the long run. I would know.“**  
She paused, waiting for Zorii to interrupt, but she didn’t.  
 **“That’s it. That’s your answer.“**  
She seemed to mull over her words for a second and nodded, unimpressed.  
 **“Damn. You’re even more delusional than I thought. And here I was thinking the clueless act was just an act. I don’t know if I should be impressed or laugh.“**  
And Y/N wasn’t sure she should be offended or confused. She chose the latter, staring at the former spice runner in silence. Zorii took it as a silent plea for her to explain herself, and she wiggled on her seat, counting on her fingers.  
 **“So. Nothing’s going on. But you can’t spend five seconds looking him in the eyes before you’re uncomfortable-“**  
That was because it made her uncomfortable to talk to confident people-  
 **“-he is always looking for excuses to touch you-“**  
No, he wasn’t, he was just a very tactile person-  
 **“-you laugh at his jokes all the time, and honestly, he isn’t _that_ funny.“**  
Hey, now, that was just not true!  
Y/N pinched the bridge of her nose.   
**“Poe is a flirt with everyone. I don’t see why you’re making a big deal out of it. You sound like you want to find him a date at all costs,“** she scoffed, and Zorii shrugged. Her ponytail was starting to get loose with how much she was moving her head.  
 **“Maybe I do. This way, people would stop trying to get us back together,“** she commented with a pointed look. **“And he is a good man. He deserves some happiness.”**  
A nice sentiment, indeed. But one Y/N was quick to shut down.  
 **“Well, I’m not, and I don’t. So I suggest you place your hopes on someone else-”**  
  
They were interrupted by a loud clatter further down the hall, and they both fell silent instantly. Zorii gestured for Y/N to stay seated as she moved on with their plan. It wasn’t long before four guards came in sight. None of them were stormtroopers, this time. They looked bulkier than the average First Order soldier. One of them was at least two meters tall and his muscular frame was pretty impressive. They all wore worn-out clothes with shiny new guns, a mix that was so ludicrous it would have seemed funny, weren’t they on the potential receiving end of their shots.  
 **“Good. You two are awake. Don’t try anything funny. Step away from the door.“**  
Zorii obeyed as Y/N remained seated, trying to look loopy and very much out of it. It seemed to be sufficiently credible because one of the men sent a curious look in her direction. He didn’t say anything as he put them both in shackles, closing the cuffs around their wrists with no gentleness. Then, he forced Y/N to her feet as he escorted them both outside of the cell.  
The pilot limped on purpose, keeping her eyes down and avoiding eye contact, walking almost drunkenly, head bobbing from time to time. With her hair in her face, she hid her meticulous observation of her surroundings. The other cells of the hallway were empty, and although they could be holding their friends prisoners in another wing, it was still a relief.  
Then, she took a look at their captors. One of them was walking in front of them, two were on the sides, and one was behind her. It was the one that had put them in chains. He was carrying a blaster in his hands and one in a holster around his thigh. If she could unclasp it, she could shoot him down, perhaps even his other friend while Zorii took out the other two. It was risky, especially in such close quarters, but it was their only chance.  
And then, she saw it.  
The vibrosword.  
  
The guy on her right had it on his left flank, and one strapped to his back. They were an older model, looking rather dull, which was weird considering how new the rest of the weapons were. They probably had a sentimental value of some sort. Shorter than the one she was used to wielding but if she could get her hands on it… The tables would turn.  
Y/N was confident in two things in life: her abilities as a pilot, and her talent with a vibrosword.  
The former wouldn’t help her much that day.  
She had noticed Zorii looking left. Great. She, too, was making a plan. She had no idea where they were taking them, and she wasn’t about to stick around long enough to find out.  
Y/N waited to be in the middle of a hallway to let out her first whine. She stumbled, caught herself against Zorii, mumbled something incoherent, and wobbled some more.  
 **“What’s your deal?“** the muscular man, who was opening the walk, barked. Zorii hissed.  
 **“She has lost a lot of blood, you dumbass. She needs a medic. Look at her leg, it’s bleeding like crazy. You butchered that.“**  
The guard on her right glanced down, finding the bloody bandage exactly as Y/N had placed it. He sighed.  
 **“She’s right, boss. Girl’s bleeding out.“**  
 **“Yeah, well, there’s nothing we can do right now. We’ll take her to the ship and deal with it there.“**  
So there was a ship. Good.  
They started walking again, and once more, Y/N stumbled. But this time, she weakly fell to the ground, her knees hitting the rough concrete with more force than she had intended. She whimpered.  
 **“Oh, come on!“** the man behind her groaned. He must have gestured for his friend to check on her because the boots on her right got closer and the man crouched down.  
 **“Hey, come on. Get up. We’re not too far away. Boss wants you alive.“**  
This was it, it was their chance. Through the loose strands of her hair, Y/N caught glimpse of Zorii’s eyes when she looked up. She nodded once, very subtly.  
When the man grabbed her arm to get her to stand up, she attacked.  
  
She went for a head-butt, effectively making him recoil as he clutched his face in pain. The man behind her had gone for his blaster, but Y/N was too fast, thanks to the element of surprise; she jumped on her feet and roundhouse-kicked his hand, making him drop his gun. By her side, Zorii had kicked the other guard in his ribs-  
Her reflexes kicked in and Y/N jumped to the side, barely avoiding the vibroblade. Her leg was hurting very badly, as the flesh was still very tender. But she couldn’t focus on that now. Glancing down at her cuffs, she quickly made up a plan. When the man stroke her from above with his sword, she presented his cuffs to him, and the blade broke the thing in half.  
Yeah, okay, it might have been sharper than she had anticipated.  
But now with both hands free, she could fight way more easily. Starting with the dude with his other blaster, who had just grabbed its butt. She threw herself at him, effectively making his arms flailing. She sucker-punched him in the gut before bringing his face down on her knee, hitting his jaw. The crunch that preceded his fall to the ground was enough of an indicator that he wouldn’t get back up for a long time.  
  
Her sixth sense screamed at her and she jumped to the side as the vibroblade narrowly missed her shoulder. With precision, she used his momentum against him and grabbed his wrist, twisting it hard enough to make the thug drop it.  
He did and went tumbling down, his giant-like stature a true disadvantage. As he almost fell to his knees, Y/N swiftly jumped on his back, unsheathed the sword, and dropped back on her feet as he regained his footing.  
The man glanced at her hand, and Y/N glanced down, too.  
The handle fit perfectly in her hand.  
 **“Get a blaster!“** She heard Zorii scream, but she ignored her. Zorii knew how to shoot better than she did. Her partner, who had kicked her two guards down, went to grab one of the abandoned guns and raised it toward Y/N’s attacker, but a shot coming from the other side of the hallway made her miss and she jumped back.  
Kriff, the reinforcements.   
They had to leave and get to the ship, but they had to lose the last guard, first.   
Which was exactly what Y/N intended to do.  
As Zorii hid behind the corner of the wall and fired back, Y/N focused on her fight. She had to get past him.  
With a flick of the wrist, the blade danced in her hand, coming to rest flatly on her raised forearm in a defensive stance.  
 **“I’m gonna skin you alive. Fuck the orders,“** he all but growled.  
Y/N smirked.  
 **“Oh, I’d like to see you try.“**  
  
He launched himself at her and she raised her blade, parrying his blast with ease. Years of training with Ren flooded back in her muscles, making her move with agility and deadly accuracy.  
The goon was a good fighter, but he was no match for someone who had been personally trained by a fallen Jedi turned Sith Lord. Y/N was running circles around him, avoiding every one of his attacks.  
And then, she moved from defense to offense.   
With the fury she had been taught to channel, she made the attacks rain on the guy, leaving cuts here and there. He managed to evade some of the blows, but barely. The tip of Y/N’s borrowed blade left a trail of bloodied scraps and cuts. Laser-focused, she was.  
So much that she didn’t even register the growing cacophony of blaster shots from down the hall, indicating that other players had joined the game.  
There was only one game she wanted to win. This duel.  
The power she felt from wielding a blade was incomparable. The adrenaline rush she knew too well and had learned to dread, as it was associated with memories full of death and suffering.  
But she couldn’t lie to herself; she was born to wield a blade.  
  
She had to give it to the thug, though; he was resilient. He rammed forward, making her lose her footing and she fell to one knee, barely parrying the deathly blow from above. Y/N winced. He was strong, way stronger than her. She needed to end this quickly, or his numerous wounds would only make him more angry and sloppy.  
He wouldn’t walk out of the fight alive, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t do some damage before he went down.  
She rolled to the side as he went for a second hit and jumped up with the strength of her momentum, propelling herself against the wall to hit him in the ribs. The man-beast, looking more like the latter than the former, stumbled backward, his hand hitting a pipe. He dropped his blade.  
It was over for him.   
Channeling the last drops of her adrenaline, Y/N strengthened her grip on the handle and went for the killing blow-  
 **“WATCH OUT!“**  
Y/N didn’t register who the voice belonged to. She instinctively rolled down and the blaster shot went past sailing above her head. As she stopped on her knees, she grabbed the blade by the hilt and threw it at the soldier coming the other way. It lodged itself in his gut and he fell with a pained howl.  
  
The next thing she knew, something grabbed her head and hit it against the wall. The world started spinning and her ears rang. The walls were blurry. Everything was dancing around her, everything except-  
 **“Oh, fu-“**  
Her opponent, his nostrils flared with rage and his chest covered in blood, grabbed her by the throat and raised her above his head, cutting her air supply. Y/N choked on nothing, clawing at his hand and trying to hit him with her feet. But he was too broad, too strong, and was held up only by the thin threads of the last molecules of adrenaline in his body. His eyes were bloodshot and he was bleeding profusely from his shoulder, where she had slashed him earlier. Holding her with her back to the hallway made it impossible for Zorii to shoot him, as she somehow heard her say. Had she been breathing properly, and had her brain been oxygenated enough, she would have wondered who she was talking to.  
Instead, she was starting to suffocate. Her strength was leaving her muscles and she was starting to see black dots, dancing around in her peripheral vision.  
She was gonna black out. Desperately, she hit his arm from the above, but to no avail-  
  
His body convulsed and the grip on her throat disappeared. She collapsed on the floor, gasping for air and coughing. Her throat was burning and everything was spinning, but she looked up anyway-  
And her eyes met the eye of an orange droid.  
 **“Bee…Bee…“** she croaked out, immediately regretting it.  
Wait.  
BeeBee was there.  
Which meant…  
 **“Kriffing Hell, Y/N. Maker. Please tell me you’re okay.“**  
Still confused, the pilot only registered the voice when its owner cupped her cheek. She tensed up and went for a defensive hit, but her hand was stopped mid-air.  
 **“It’s me. It’s me. You’re okay, Keebler.“**  
Y/N blinked a couple of times to push the bleariness of her gaze away, only to realize the brown eyes she was staring into were Poe’s.  
He looked like hell, and deadly worried. Dirt covered his cheeks and his hair was a mess. Kneeling by her side with her blaster in his other hand, he was staring at her, his intense gaze burning a hole through her head.  
 **“Please tell me you’re okay. I’m sorry. We couldn’t shoot him. You were blocking the way, I couldn’t risk the shot. BeeBee went there as fast as he could, but-“**  
 **“Poe,“** she croaked. He stopped his rambling. **“’M… fine. Sore throat.“**  
He let out a sigh of relief and before Y/N could register what he was doing, he pulled her into a rib-crushing embrace, his hand moving to the back of her head.  
 **“I thought you were dead,“** he mumbled. He smelled like leather, citrus, and a hint of smoke. Y/N swallowed several times before tentatively answering with:  
 **“Tougher than that.“**  
His arms were warm and his chest rumbled as he chuckled. After a few more seconds, he pulled away and helped her up. That’s when Y/N realized Klana was with him. She looked worried, too.  
 **“Maker, Y/N! Your leg! You’re hurt!“**  
 **“It’s fake. We tricked them.** “  
She turned to Zorii, who look unscathed. Nodding in her direction as she didn’t trust her voice, she got a nod in return.  
 **“I’m fine, Shorty. But you look like shit.“**  
A beep was heard from the floor and Y/N looked down, finding an expecting BB-8 staring at her. She leaned forward, Poe’s hands immediately going to her sides to steady her.  
 **“You saved my life, baby,“** she whispered with emotion. **“I owe you.“**  
He beeped humbly, rolling around her in relief.  
  
Zorii glanced at the empty hallway around the corner.  
 **“Well, they’re all dead here, but I imagine they weren’t alone. We need to get the heck out of here. They were taking us to a ship before we broke free. We should head that way and steal it.“**  
 **“The control room is that way, too. We need to make a stop there. Get your stuff back, and blow this place up. It should be connected to everything else. If it goes kaboom, the rest will follow.“**  
Everyone turned to Klana, who gestured toward her backpack with a shrug.  
 **“I brought the explosive charges just in case. Can’t be too sure.“**  
Poe smiled approvingly and Zorri muttered something along the lines of “I knew I liked you“. Klana merely gestured toward the hallway. **“Come on, now’s not the time to slack off. Can you walk, Y/N?“**  
Her friend nodded.  
 **“Can fight,“** she croaked out. Poe sighed, but he had a smile on his face. He unhooked his second blaster and handed it to her.  
 **“Let’s get you two out of this hellhole.“**  
He stepped forward but Y/N stopped him with a hand on his arm.  
 **“Prisoners?“**  
He chuckled.  
 **“They’re all safe and very far from there.“**  
Good.  
She followed after him.  
  
The ship turned out to be farther than anticipated, and her leg hurt more than she thought it would. She was trying not to limp, but Klana had noticed. She fell back, walking by her side, and offer her arm for Y/N to lean on. She accepted, grateful, and they limped together to the control room.  
Zorii and Poe shot the guards inside with ease and the four of them locked themselves inside of the room. Klana was quick to take the charges out and handed them to the both of them. Then, she threw a water flask to Y/N.  
 **“Drink it. For your throat.“**  
With a grateful nod, Y/N obliged, letting the cool liquid go down her aching throat. It burned slightly, but it felt immensely better right afterward.  
 **“Thanks,“** she managed to say louder than before. Klana nodded and put the flask away before instructing her to help with the charges as she and BeeBee set the detonators. She went on a search for Zorii and Y/N’s stolen pieces of equipment, rummaging through the crates, disregarding the loud clatters it made. They knew they were there anyway. After a few crates, she emerged victoriously, sang “found it!“ and put the pieces of equipment in her bag. Y/N was relieved; she couldn’t think about losing her trusty blaster.  
Satisfied with Klana’s founding, she walked up to Zorii, who handed her two charges. Standard set-up, which was a relief, because Y/N definitely didn’t want to blow up by accident, not after that spectacular escape. She still stuck around to make sure she had the sequence in the correct order, and Zorii didn’t seem to mind.  
As she agilely worked on her task, twisting the buttons with soft clicks, Zorii spoke up.  
 **“I saw you with that vibrosword. You have skills.“**  
It wasn’t sarcastic or even mocking. A mere observation.  
 **“I picked up some things in the order,“** Y/N answered with a slightly self-satisfied smile.  
Zorii snickered, attaching the sticky explosive to a wall as she commented, staring at the blinking light:  
 **“You did more than that.“**  
She fell silent after that, and Y/N took it as her cue to get working. She went to the other side of the room and put up the charges, watching Klana from the corner of her eyes. She was typing on the keyboard of the central unit.  
 **“It’s all empty. The system hasn’t been updated. They probably communicated through commlinks. They’re covering their tracks. We’ll have to ask the prisoners.“**  
Poe cursed, clearly unhappy about it. As Y/N turned the last explosive on, he said:  
 **“We’re done here. We need to get to that ship.“**  
 **“Wait.“**  
All eyes turned to Klana, who was standing next to a desk littered with scraps of metals and various pucks. Were they bounty hunting pucks? Y/N frowned. What-  
And then, she saw the face her friend was making.  
And the holovid coming out of the puck she was holding and looking at, terrified.   
That face, she knew by heart. Chiseled features, tousled hair, dark eyes.  
Poe. Poe Dameron had a bounty on his head.  
Y/N’s blood ran colder than Hoth’s atmosphere when she read the amount of money he was worth.  
 **“Two MILLION CREDITS?!“**  
The radio of the control room crackled to life and Poe shook his head.  
 **“We’ll talk about it later. We need to leave, NOW.“**  
Klana pocketed the puck and the four of them plus BeeBee exited the room, making a run for the other door. Poe kicked it open and they spilled out of the base. The sun was starting to rise and the light made both Zorii and Y/N stop for a second. How long had they been held up down there?  
 **“Over here!“** Klana said as she spotted the TIE Echelon a few meters down the slope. Someone screamed, and they realized they had been spotted.  
 **“RUN!“** Poe said, firing over his shoulder. He didn’t need to ask twice; they all went after him, making a run for it. BeeBee rolled forward with lightning speed and they all barged in the ship, luckily finding it empty.  
 **“Y/N, can you fly?“** Poe asked.  
 **“Yes, General.“**  
She all but threw herself into the pilot seat and started the engines with deadly accuracy. This, she knew. First Order ships had been her bread and butter for years. She could fly any TIE model with her eyes closed and both hands tied behind her back.   
Luckily, she didn’t have to do that. At least not that day.  
 **“Get us out of here NOW!“** Poe shouted as he ran for the seat of the turret, taking the gunner’s spot as Klana and Zorii sat down to use the heavy lasers cannons.   
**“On it, General,“** Y/N answered simply. She wasn’t anxious. She knew her job. As the blaster shots rained on the hull of the ship, sounding like angry droplets falling from the sky, she pushed the ship upward and it finally took off, leaving dust and bewildered soldiers in its wake. She hit full speed and it bolted forward.  
 **“Sorry!“** She said above her shoulder as she heard Zorii cursing from somewhere in the ship. It wasn’t her swiftest takeoff, she would admit that much. But hey, efficiency trumped delicacy, in that case.  
  
With precise moves, she pushed the ship forward, ignoring the pitter-patter of the blaster shots they were targeted by. The only thing that would worry her would be-  
 **“They have an anti-aerial turret,“** Klana said. **“With deflectors.“**  
… Yeah, that.  
Y/N cursed lowly as one of the troopers jumped behind the turret. They would still be in range long enough for them to blow them up unless she pulled some tricks.  
“Buckle up,“ she ordered, and she swerved left. The Echelon was bulkier than a TIE, and she truly hated that model, but hey, at least it could fly.  
It took her longer than she would admit to get far enough from the vicious blasts of the canon, and that was a worry in itself. They knew how to shoot. Who had taught them? Stormtroopers were notoriously bad at shooting anything.   
**“Okay, I think we’re-“**  
 **“There’s a TIE approaching,“** Poe stated.  
 **“Oh, COME _ON_!“**  
Was the universe hell-bent on making their life a living hell? TIEs were vicious in dogfights, she would know. Ignoring the blaring alarms as the ship closed on her, she turned a few buttons here and there, flicked a few switches, and the engines roared louder.  
 **“Did you just-“**  
 **“Overheat the engines to give us a temporary boost that might blow us up? Yeah.“**  
It was a risky move, but time was running out. She had a plan; a very stupid plan, but a plan nonetheless. She only had to make it to the atmosphere before the TIE-  
 **“Y/N-“**  
 **“HANG ON!“** She ordered. The TIE had started shooting, and Klana and Zorii shot back, bolts of light flying left and right as Y/N did her best to avoid being hit.  
Something shook the entire ship, and BeeBee rolled to the cockpit.  
 **“Klana, replace me!“**  
More alarms went off as Poe braved the tremors of the ship to get to the pilot’s chair.  
 **“We won’t beat him to the hyperspace jump. He will follow.“**  
 **“I know. I’m not planning on outflying him.“**  
 **“Y/N-“**  
 **“Do you trust me?“**  
She turned her gaze to him, eyes burning a hole in his head.  
To her surprise, he sat down.  
 **“What do you need me to do?“**  
  
She swerved right and BeeBee rolled the other way. A second blast hit the wing. Y/N cursed, her hands gripping the lever so tightly her knuckles had turned white.  
 **“Get ready to redirect the energy of the deflectors to the compressor.“**  
His face lit up in understanding - and worry.  
 **“Please don’t tell me you’re gonna send us light speed skipping.“**  
 **“Oh, I’m gonna do it with style, Dameron.“**  
He laughed. Of course, he would laugh in the face of danger.  
 **“Maker, you’re my kind of crazy.“**  
With unsurprising efficiency, he made a few changes here and there. The limit of the planet’s atmosphere was only a few seconds away.  
So was the TIE.  
 **“Hang on tight,“** Y/N hissed. And before anyone could react, and right as the TIE got close enough to turn them all into stardust-  
She made the jump.  
  
When the ship finally stopped its skipping, it did so with so much force that Poe was thrown against Y/N, catching himself against the side of her chair as the woman slowed the Echelon down. It was screaming, fuming, and both Zorii and Klana were running around, trying to smother the flames threatening to blow a hole through the hull. With one knee by her leg and his face close to her, Poe looked up. For the second time that day, he was awfully close.  
 **“Funny. I don’t think we’re dead.“**  
 **“ _Yet_.“**  
 **“ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND?!“** Zorii screamed from inside the ship, head poking out from behind a panel. “ **Both sub-alternators are fried to the core. One of the wings is about to detach itself. And you almost ripped us apart. Maker, you are kriffing INSANE. You know what, I take everything I said about you back. You really are a good pair.“**  
With a huff, she went to work on the flames, as Poe and Y/N shared an amused look.  
 **“She’s pissed.“**  
 **“Oh, you don’t say, Porg Head?“**  
 **“Don’t be a smartass. Also, what is she talking about?“**  
Y/N turned red as a Sith’s saber.  
 **“Nothing. Can you contact Lando to come and pick us up? We lost the TIE, but I don’t think we will make it back to Kuat in one piece.“**  
Where the hell were they, anyway? She looked around. It was an empty field of nothing. Some rocks were flying, but there was no planet in sight. As she was about to fly toward one of the bigger rocks in case the ship came back, Poe unclasped her belt and turned her seat away from the controls.  
 **“Hey, what-“**  
 **“You need medical attention. Klana, is the fire under control on your side?“**  
 **“BeeBee is handling it,“** the pilot answered, greasy hair poking from her head as she pushed it back, standing up.  
 **“Good. Then use the radio and give Calrissian our coordinates, then fly us behind that asteroid. Y/N, you come with me. There has to be a first aid kit somewhere in this mess.“**  
  
Leading her away from the commands as Klana took her place, Poe started looking around, emptying crates while mumbling to himself. On the other side of the ship, Zorii was finally done with the panel she had been working behind. She huffed when she noticed Y/N looking at her.  
 **“Insane,“** she repeated, and the pilot snorted.  
 **“Don’t be so sour, Blondie. I got us out of here, didn’t I?“**  
 **“You’re starting to sound awfully like him.“**  
 **“What’s wrong with that?“** Poe chimed in, getting back from his scavenger hunt with a first aid kit under his arm. He opened it, finding what he was looking for. Humming in approval, he nodded toward one of the shooter’s chair.  
 **“Pull your pants down and sit down. I need to have a look.“**  
Y/N bit back a very sarcastic and slightly inappropriate comment, only because she knew Zorii would make fun of her, and she wasn’t in the mood. The adrenaline of their escape had worn off. Her throat was still sore, her leg hurt, and her technically still recovering wrist was quite tender too. She did as she was instructed, peeling the piece of clothing down her leg and exposing the wound. With more gentleness than she had anticipated, Poe took the bandage off. The gash had been cauterized in a haste and looked like an angry canyon. Poe grimaced.  
 **“Looks like they didn’t disinfect it properly. I’ll have to reopen it or it will get infected.“**  
Y/N grunted but nodded. He was right, and she was SO not dying from an infection after surviving so many battles.  
  
With a sorry look, Poe whipped out a scalpel and hovered above her skin for a moment. When Y/N didn’t say anything, he looked up, warm eyes staring at her quizzically.  
 **“May I touch you?“**  
Y/N’s stomach made a somersault and she nodded gingerly. He rewarded her answer with a nod and sliced delicately through her skin. Y/N groaned but didn’t say anything. Dark blood mixed with a yellow substance trickled down her leg, and he wiped it off before thoroughly disinfecting the wound.  
 **“You okay?“** He asked quietly. Y/N wondered if he was afraid that raising his voice too much would worsen her pain.  
 **“Never been better,“** she grumbled, and he smiled to himself. **“I’ve seen worse,“** she added in a more serious tone.  
Poe momentarily stopped in his task, eyes traveling to her inner thighs. He could see part of two pink scars. Y/N felt her blood run cold as she remembered where she had gotten them.  
 **“Yes. I had guessed.“**  
He didn’t add anything after that, instead, he went back to work. Klana’s voice could be heard from the cockpit, soft and steady, as she talked to Lando.  
The sudden sharp bite of a glowing hot torch made her jump, but Poe had seen it coming, and his hand steadied her with a grip of steel as he cauterized the now cleaned wound.  
 **“Sorry. It hurts less when you’re not prepared.“**  
 **“Who taught you that?!“** She squeaked.  
He thought about it for a moment, turning the cauterizer off.  
 **“Finn.“**  
 **“You get your medical advice from an ex stormtrooper who was denied medical check-ups?!“**  
Poe looked at her sheepishly.  
 **“Uh…“**  
 **“General,“** Klana interrupted. **“They have a ship in the area. They’ll be there in half an hour.“**  
  
Poe nodded in approval and focused back on Y/N’s leg, making sure it was wrapped up properly. Saved by the interruption! Nevertheless, she let him finish his work. It was a nice feeling, to have him take care of her like that. She wasn’t used to gentleness and was rather familiar with the idea of stitching herself up. Sure, as an officer, she could receive medical attention, something the stormtroopers couldn’t get. But after she escaped from the First Order, she had to do things herself, and medicine wasn’t her strongest suit. She was much more skilled in fixing ships than humans.  
Surprisingly enough, Poe was both. Aside from cooking, was there anything this man didn’t know how to do?!   
**“You can pull your pants up. I’ll have a look at your neck next.“**  
 **“Thanks, Doctor Dameron,“** she said with a smirk, and he smirked back.  
 **“Yeah, yeah, make fun of me all you want. Be careful with the bandage, I don’t want you injuring yourself.“**  
For his sake, she followed the instructions, wiggling the pants back up, then tested her leg by moving it slightly. It didn’t hurt, not really.   
**“I’m gonna tilt your chin up and run a quick scan to make sure that asshole didn’t do real damages.“**  
Again, he made sure to be very gentle and Y/N stayed still as the device hummed next to her face, accompanying Poe’s regular breathing. It eventually beeped.  
 **“You’re good. You’re gonna have one hell of a bruise, though.“**  
 **“Wouldn’t be the first time,“** she commented, and he snickered.  
 **“I don’t wanna know more about that.“**  
Wait.  
Wha-  
 **“That was NOT what I meant, you Rancor,“** she squeaked, and he laughed, putting the first aid kit away.  
 **“Sure, sure. Now get some rest, you’ve had enough excitement for the day.“**  
 **“Thanks, Poe.“**  
She meant it, truly. He was a very efficient personal nurse, and if it weren’t so damn suggestive, she would have asked him to be his medi-droid.   
Probably not a good idea.  
  
Instead, the real droid rolled up to her. His antenna was crooked, and Y/N kneeled, straightening it. BeeBee was dirty, brown patches coloring his usual white parts. Y/N sat down, grabbing a piece of cloth Klana had discarded earlier after using it to smother the flames. It didn’t look too burned, although it smelled faintly of smoke. Rubbing it on her jacket to clean it, she then focused on cleaning the little droid while speaking softly. BeeBee, ever so alert, listened closely. She had learned to love the orange ball. Y/N had had her fair share of droids under her command, but none of them had ever been so… human. Perhaps Poe’s bond with him was to blame. Or rather, to thank. Taking a break from her improvised cleaning session, Y/N spared a glance in the General’s direction. Leaning effortlessly against the wall in the cockpit, he was in a conversation with Zorii. His body language exuded relaxation and comfort. It was nice to see him so relaxed. Y/N knew she should have joined them, but she was too uncomfortable to. There were days when she still felt like an outsider. With Zorii there, and with Poe being so friendly with her, this day was one of them.  
BeeBee beeped quizzically and she looked down at him, getting back to her task. The dirt was coming off pretty easily, but it had gotten everywhere - in the cracks, crevasses, screws, everything.  
 **“No, I’m okay, sweetheart. Don’t you worry. Now, c’mon. Let me take care of you. I owe you that much.“**  
Not displeased by the attention, and the free shower, BeeBee let her work.

———————————————————————

  
_It was true that Poe could have asked Y/N about the events that led to their capture. But - he would rather let her rest for now. His duty forced him to ask Zorii all the questions, even though she deserved some rest, too. But the blonde wasn’t too shaken by that. Instead, she was calm and relaxed. Her helmet was back on, as she liked it, but her visor was up. Her eyes showed tiredness._  
 _ **“We can debrief later,“** Poe commented, but she shrugged his comment off._  
 ** _“No, let’s do it now. Because I’ll crash on the first bed I see when we land.“_**  
 _He chuckled and couldn’t disagree. The day had been long for everyone, and it was always a miracle to escape unscathed._  
 _Well. Mostly unscathed._  
 _As Zorii counted their adventures after they had parted ways, Poe frowned. Firstly because the events they had witnessed in that old base were the source of many questions, but also because he didn’t like to hear about his men — or rather, women, in this case — who got injured._  
 _ **“That pilot of yours?“** Zorii said, nodding in Y/N’s direction. “ **She has a thing for putting herself in the line of danger. I’ve only seen one person with that level of selfless stupidity and taste for danger. You. She jumped between me and a knife. She needs to be taught how not to try and get herself killed every time she moves.“**_  
 _Poe pursed his lips and looked at Y/N. She was sitting crossed-legs on the floor, bent over his droid as she cleaned him up. BeeBee was particularly happy with the massage, and it made the pilot smile. In such a short period, they had become very good friends, and if the droid was generally very welcoming, to see him accept another person like that was different._  
 _ **“I know,“** he sighed. **“I’m trying.“**_  
 _Eyeing Klana to make sure she couldn’t hear him, he lowered his voice and added quietly:_  
 ** _“I wish Leia was still there. I could use her experience with handling hot-headed pilots.“_**  
 _Zorii snorted._  
 ** _“Took ya long enough to admit you’re an idiot.“_**  
 _He rolled his eyes as she laughed louder, attracting Klana’s quizzical look._  
 _ **“Why did you teamed up with her?“** Poe asked. Zorii rolled her eyes._  
 ** _“She’s smarter than you, she figured it out. I was testing her. Don’t look at me like that, Dameron, I’m just making sure she keeps you alive. You’re more useful to me alive than dead.“_**  
 ** _“Wow, aren’t you considerate? “_**  
 _ **“C’mon, baby, go to your dad!“** He heard, and he turned his head in time to see Y/N encouraging his droid to roll in his direction._  
 ** _“Of course you look fine! Shiny as Poe’s ship. I would NEVER let you leave with dirt on, sweetheart. You wound me.“_**  
 _The droid beeped happily, rolled around her as she giggled, and made his way back to Poe. A series of enthusiastic beep-boops filled the cockpit as BB-8 boasted about his newly-cleaned parts._  
 ** _“Yes, I can see you’re shinier than Beskar steel. She’s no good for your ego, that’s for sure.“_**  
 _Zorii was silent for a moment before asking one last question, as she put it._  
 ** _“Where did she learn to fight with a vibrosword like that?“_**  
 _Poe fell silent, his face somber. The extent of Y/N’s knowledge with her weapon of choice escaped him, but he knew that if she had impressed Zorii, then she must’ve had pulled some impressive tricks._  
 ** _“Ren taught her.“_**  
 _The gold helmet moved left and ride as Zorii shook her head, cursing lowly._  
 _ **“Well, I don’t know where she’s taking the lot of you,“** she commented, **“but you’re in for one hell of a ride. Good luck with that.“**_  
 _She patted his back and walked away._  
 _Poe had a feeling she was right._  
  
———————————————————————  
  
When the backdoor of the ship opened, Y/N was very surprised to find Skylen standing on the other side. Wasn’t he on a mission with Finn?  
 **“Maker, you look like shit,“** he noted, and Y/N rolled her eyes.  
 **“You too. But at least, in my case, it’ll go away once I have showered.“**  
Skylen cackled as he took in the rest of the team, tilting his head in approval.  
 **“Looks like none of you are dead. I’m impressed.“**  
 **“Blue? Is Finn with you?“** Poe asked, stepping out of the cockpit. Skylen nodded and gestured vaguely behind him.  
 **“Oh, yeah, he’s waiting in the debrief room. Looks like I can’t leave you guys alone for one mission or you’ll get yourselves in trouble, huh?“**  
Y/N smiled warmly at him and the five of them disembarked as Skylen told them about their mission. Finn had gone on a remote planet with a team of technicians to get some data from almost-fried servers. They hadn’t found anything useful, but a bunch of sand people had ambushed them and they had had to shoot their way out. No casualties, had he said, reassuring Poe who looked worried.  
 **“What about y’all? Found anything interesting, aside from the hostages?“**  
Klana and Y/N shared a look.  
 **“Let’s find Finn first,“** Klana said. Skylen frowned but didn’t ask about it.   
  
The ship was bigger than she would have thought. Courtesy of the Galactic Republic’s funds, undoubtedly, and brand new. It was nice. They crossed paths with several members of the Resistance, who nodded respectfully in Poe’s direction and eyed Zorii curiously. Skylen led them around the hallways, whistling to himself as the ship jumped into hyperspace. The white streaks painted the vastness of space as they walked past the windows. Y/N almost felt like she was back on a star destroyer. The hallways were eerily similar. She had to turn to Poe and stare at him for a moment to convince herself she hadn’t jumped back in time. Her General returned a quizzical look, and she just gave him a small smile in return.  
They walked into a big room, furnished with cutting-edge devices. Finn was leaning over a table, watching holograms. He pushed everything aside when he noticed them.  
 **“Great, you’re… Wow. You look worse than I thought.“**  
Skylen cackled and shot Y/N a pointed look, to which she answered by raising her middle finger. As the two generals talked between them, she took a look around. The room looked like a smaller version of Kuat’s control room.   
She much preferred her tiny X-Wing.  
 **“So, did you find anything useful?“**  
Klana rummaged through her backpack and with a sigh, she put the puck on the table. Finn frowned, looked at Poe who merely shrugged, and turned it on.  
 **“WHAT?!“**  
  
They hadn’t imagined it; it was Poe’s face on the hologram. Y/N winced. She didn’t like that at all.  
 **“I know, it looks bad,“** Poe started. **“But! See the bright side of it. I’m actually really proud that I managed to score a two million bounty on my head! Maybe I should turn myself in, I mean, honestly. Maybe you should, too. Then, you break me out, and we split the reward-“**  
 **“This isn’t funny, Poe!“** Y/N interrupted, way louder than she had anticipated. And maybe a tad more desperately, because Poe turned to her with worry on his face.  
 **“Hey, I know. I know. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.“**  
She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, acutely aware of the stares. She took a step back and her shoulders slumped as she retreated from the conversation.  
 **“No, it’s my fault. It’s just been a long day,“** she answered quietly.  
She hated this. Making a fool of herself, again. And in front of Zorii nonetheless.   
**“Y/N is right,“** Finn interrupted. **“This is very serious. You’ve had bounties on you before, we all have. But that was then, and this is now. You’re the leader of the most respected organization in the Galaxy. People with that kind of money are supposed to be on our side. So, who put the bounty on your head, and who spread the word?“**  
None of them knew the answer to that question. As for Y/N, she didn’t say anything. She was staring at the table. She felt tired and worried.   
**“Perhaps I can answer at least one question,“** someone said.  
  
They all turned around, finding a petite woman with dark hair standing near the door. She looked as uncomfortable as Y/N was, so she instantly decided that she liked her.  
 **“Rose? What can you help with?“**  
 **“I mean, I’m not sure I can help, but I can try? The pucks are plugged into other devices to be programmed. I might be able to find where it’s from.“**  
She made a beeline for the table, picked the puck, and went to work on her task. Y/N studied her as she typed on the keyboard. She had never seen her before, though she paid attention. It meant she just had been working on special projects away from the pilots. She still had yet to meet so many people; the thought frightened her, and excited her, she had to admit. Wary as she was of big crowds, she had to admit she had met incredible people since she had joined the Resistance. Most of them were in the room.   
**“Ah- _HA_!”** Rose exclaimed after a few moments.  
 **“What? What is it? Is it bad? It sounds bad. How bad is it?”** Finn asked, running to her side. She shook her head, and her bun bounced.  
 **“No? I don’t think so. I know where the bounty was issued. Or, actually, where this puck is from. Tatooine.”**  
  
Y/N’s blood _FROZE_.  
Tatooine...  
She hadn’t been there in years. But the planet was still home to countless outlaws, that was for sure. She wasn’t surprised the bounty had been issued there.  
She just hated the fact that she would have to go back.  
 **“Okay, then that settles is. Thank you, Rose. We get some rest, and we fly to Tatooine to investigate,”** Poe stated, crossing his arms on his chest. Here he was again, ready to jump into action. Y/N wasn’t too sure it was the right move to make.  
Finn shook his head.  
 **“No, Poe. This is serious. I’m not letting you roam the galaxy when someone’s after you like that.”**  
Poe shrugged. Y/NE/C found him to be awfully carefree. He always lectured her about her tendency to risk her life, but he wasn’t better. He might even have been worse, and that was saying something!  
 **“I still have work to do.”**  
 **“I know,”** Finn interrupted. **“But I’d feel better if you had extra protection.”**  
Poe sighed and shook his head. In perfect Poe fashion, he ran a hand through his hair - which probably wasn’t a great idea considering how messy it already was.  
 **“I feel like I’m not gonna like this,”** he sighed. Having a babysitter pissed him off than being threatened in the first place. Ugh, men.  
 **“You’re not gonna like it,”** Finn confirmed. “ **But I think it’s time we call Rey.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woop! Another chapter! We'll soon get to see Rey, and you'll learn about Y/N's past in a very interesting way... One that miiiiight trigger some jealousy with Poe. But hey, you'll have to wait and see!  
> I hope you're all doing okay. As always, thanks for the read <3 Also, for those of you who are interested, I put up a short timeline so you can situate the story better in terms of the canon events:
> 
> Poe → born in 2 ABY, joined the Resistance in 31 ABY (29 yo) (canon)  
> Kylo Ren → born in 5 ABY, started Jedi training in 15 ABY, turned to the dark side in 28 ABY (23 yo) (canon)  
> TFA → 34 ABY (canon)  
> TLJ → 34 ABY (canon)  
> TROS → 35 ABY (canon)  
> Start of the fic → 36 ABY  
> Y/N → born in 7 ABY, joined the First Order in 29 ABY, left the Order in 33 ABY  
> And to give you an idea, the Resistance was founded in 28 ABY by Leia (canon).
> 
> I hope this helps some of you! See you soon!


	17. Wanted Dead Or Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey comes back to Kuat, Y/N meets the crew of the Falcon and learn some things about herself. Poe, Skylen, Klana and she leave for Tatooine... And, as usual, things don't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what you're thinking. "Maker, Bel, another chapter, less than a WEEK after the last one?" yep, yep. I needed a break from my classes and you guys deserve an update! I think you'll enjoy this one.  
> TW for canon-typical violence and fluff. Yes, fluff gets a warning.

One of the universal truths in the Galaxy was that everyone had, at least, heard the legend about the Jedi. From Coruscant to the remote planets of the Unknown Regions, everyone had heard about them. And most likely, about the rise of the new Jedi, trained by Luke Skywalker.  
After the Battle of Exegol, everyone knew that a Jedi had played a role in the fall of the Last Order. They didn’t necessarily know that there was, in fact, two of them; Ren, and Rey.  
Ren was dead, Y/N knew that much. And with him, the Jedi could have disappeared, but no; there was Rey. Trained by Skywalker, a fierce ally to the Resistance. That was what Finn had told her, anyway. Y/N had steered clear of the drama after her fall from grace, making sure she avoided both Sith and Jedi. But, as they waited for the briefing on the Bryx Sector mission, he had leaned forward conspiringly and given her some information about Rey. She was en route to Kuat, despite Poe’s protests. He had insisted that he didn’t need to disturb her for something so stupid. After all, it wasn’t the first time someone had put a bounty on his head.  
Which was true. But! This time was different, as Finn had pointed.   
Poe wasn’t too happy in the spotlight. He naturally attracted everyone’s attention, but that, too, was different. They had been back for what, a couple of days at most? And he was still brooding. The initial discovery of the bounty hadn’t rattled him at all. But to know a Jedi was on her way was different. Y/N had guessed he didn’t like to feel like he wasn’t good enough to handle a situation.  
If she wasn’t just like him, she would have joked about his male ego. 

**“She’s been looking through the Galaxy to find force-sensitive teens to train,“** Finn said. **“She wants to train new Jedi, go on with Skywalker’s project. She’s trying to honor his legacy. I find that very cool.“**  
Y/N smiled.  
 **“You’re really into Jedi stuff, aren’t you?“**  
He jumped, a bit startled.  
 **“What? No. I mean yes. But no! It’s not like I’m a fan or anything. Rey is my friend, I’m just interested in what she does. Look, don’t tell Poe-“**  
 **“Don’t tell Poe what?“**  
Said man had just walked into the room, followed by Zorii and Doctor Feron. He had been very busy as he had been appointed to check on every prisoner they had brought back. The quest to identify them and bring them back home was a tedious one, which probably explained why Zorii had stuck around a bit longer. She had been really helpful. Both her and Lando, who was surprisingly laid-back. Y/N was always wary of high-ranked legends, but he was a funny guy, and Y/N had had dinner with him after her return. He had told her stories about Han Solo, the countless times he had done something stupid that had almost killed them all. Somehow, they had always escaped death.  
Until he hadn’t.  
 _ **“He seems like he was an incredible man,“** Y/N had commented, chin resting on her joined hands. Lando had studied her for a second._  
 _ **“Yes. He was.“**_  
 **“Nothing!“** She answered quickly, returning to the present and Poe’s quizzical look. He didn’t believe her, but he didn’t say anything about it. Instead, he hummed, shot Finn a long look, and went to stand near the edge of the table, so everyone could see and hear him.  
 **“Alright. Can we have the room, please? Thank you. We’ve questioned every single one of the prisoners we broke out the other day. We’re working hard to make sure they get back home. But we’ve learned some concerning things.“**  
He turned to the doctor by his side, who looked a bit ill-at-ease. He wasn’t used to being in the spotlight.  
 **“Yes, hum, well… None of them were physically injured. All things considered, they were treated rather well… But we ran midichlorian tests. On the new machine,“** he added when Y/N raised her eyebrows. **“Almost all of them have some. The levels are very low, but they’re all, technically, force-sensitive.“**

That was… strange. And not an accident, Y/N was sure of it. What were the odds, really?  
 **“Any other common point?“** Finn asked. Poe nodded, and, this time, nodded toward Calrissian and Zorii.  
 **“They’re all from different planets,“** Lando said. **“But all of them were kidnapped in systems under the Alliance’s control. Peaceful planets, protected by the Senate.“**  
And that was worrying.  
 **“All of them are nobodies,“** Zorii added. **“They don’t know why they were kidnapped, or by whom. But none of them have families, a high-ranking job, or anything. Them going missing affects nobody. The perfect candidates for a kidnapping session. Nobody would miss them.“**  
Y/N thought about the mom with her son. How could someone say they were nobodies?  
 **“Do we know how many of them were taken, and when?“** She asked. Poe nodded.  
 **“According to one of the prisoners, who’d been there for four weeks, they brought around five new prisoners every month, and two went away each week. We’re talking, hm, maybe fifty of them in total. So it’s been going on for a few months. They probably started small, which is why we didn’t pick it up earlier. We have no idea where they were taking them, or why. Or who ordered their kidnapping.“**  
So they had nothing. That was… Problematic. But not so surprising. The key was to not lose hope. And keep digging.  
 **“We’re hoping going to Tatooine and finding who put the bounty on my head will help. They’re obviously linked. Maybe they’re even the same person, or organization. Someone had to pay for the ships, the weapons, and the kidnappings.“**  
He was right. Chances were that they at least knew one another if it wasn’t the same person/group. And they had to find out what was happening. They couldn’t let other people get kidnapped for Maker knew what.  
And they had to make sure nobody would go after Poe.  
Well, other than the usual enemy pilots, but that was something he could handle. Having the entirety of the bounty hunters of the Galaxy after him, was… less than ideal.

 **“Lando and I will make sure everyone gets home safely,“** Zorii said. Y/N felt slightly better upon hearing that. Zorii was many things, but she was dedicated to the causes she served, and she knew her masked partner would stop at nothing to bring everyone home. She smiled, and Zorii nodded in her direction.   
**“In the meantime, Finn and Rey will head to Coruscant and talk to some Senators. Try to get answers. If this is happening under the Republic’s nose, I want to know why we didn’t know about it.“**  
Y/N frowned. Wait. Wasn’t Rey supposed to come and help with watching over Poe?  
Finn had sensed her confusion because he leaned toward her with a long sigh.  
 **“Yep. He always manages to get things his way. I couldn’t do anything about it. Don’t look at me like that, you try and convince him, next time.“**  
Y/N giggled softly. She understood how frustrated he was, but she still found it funny that Poe was so childish sometimes. It annoyed her as much as it made her laugh. Poe was polarizing.  
 **“Senators LOVE Jedi. They’ll be more willing to open up about their secrets if she’s there. Plus, she can always force them to reveal the truth if needed,“** he added with a shrug, and Finn looked at him, horrified. **“What? You know damn well it wouldn’t be the first time!“**  
So, Finn and Rey on Coruscant. Lando and Zorii back around the Galaxy. Which left… Poe? BeeBee, and one or two people with him, for a secret mission?

Her thoughts were interrupted by Zorii, who was on her way out. They had a lot of work to do, and she had overstayed her welcome. Her words. Y/N was just convinced she just wanted to get back to work. She couldn’t blame her.  
 **“We’ll keep you updated. And keep an eye out for anything that might come up about the bounty on your head. Watch your back out there.“**  
Poe nodded. But before Zorii could walk away, he smirked and sent her a flirty look.  
 _Wait_.  
What on Coruscant-  
 **“Can I?“** He said, voice full of humor and honey. Zorii snorted.  
 **“No.“**  
She walked away, followed by Lando who waved at the group and disappeared behind the door. What was that about?!  
Y/N asked Finn that precise question, and the General laughed.  
 **“Oh, that’s their thing. Every time they part ways, he asks if he can kiss her. She always turns him down. Don’t even ask.“**  
… _Wow_. Okay.  
Y/N blinked a couple of times, unsure how to process that piece of information. What the hell was Zorii’s interrogation about if she still openly flirted with him? What was she missing? And why would he do THAT if he wasn’t into her?  
She huffed quietly. Her mood had swung in an instant. She hated it. And she hated how unstable these two made her feel.  
She was so deep in her brooding that she almost missed Poe calling her name. She had to bite back a very rude “what“ as she looked up.  
 **“You know the planet better than anyone else here. You’ll be coming with us.“**  
 **“I’ve only been there for a short time,“** she retorted. **“I’m no expert.“**  
 **“It’s better than nothing,“** Poe shrugged. Yeah, whatever he said.   
**“Klana will come with us as our interpreter, and Skylen will be our spy on the inside. His uncle was a bounty hunter. He can pass as one. We’ve contacted an ex-member of the Bounty Hunters’ Guild. We’ve set up a meeting. Skylen will pretend to be interested in the bounty.“**  
That was as good a plan as it could get. 

Before anyone could add anything, the door opened, and a young woman ran in. She was out of breath, and some strands of hair were falling out of her two slick buns.   
**“Connix?“** Poe asked, curious.  
 **“Generals. It’s- Rey. The Millenium Falcon just arrived in the atmosphere. You said you wanted to know-“**  
Both Finn and Poe RAN outside the room, throwing a “thank you“ above their shoulders. The poor woman watched them run away. Feeling a wave of sympathy, Y/N unhooked her water pouch from her belt and tapped on Connix’s shoulder. She perked up.  
 **“Here. You deserve it.“**  
She took it gratefully as Skylen and Klana walked up to them.  
 **“My poor Kaydel, don’t tell me you ran all the way from the landing strip?“** Klana asked, horrified. The younger woman shrugged.  
 **“You know these two. If I hadn’t gotten here when I did, they would’ve thrown a fit. Rey has been gone for a while now.“**  
That much was true. Y/N had never seen her, and she had been there for a while, now. And from her understanding, she had been gone longer than that. Half a year, maybe. That was a long time without seeing her friends.  
Connix handed Y/N her pouch back with a grateful smile. She almost dropped it when Skylen hit her back as he always did.  
 **“Heh! Our little Duckling will finally meet her first Jedi! Excited?“**  
Uh… Y/N shrugged. She didn’t know what to think. She did know of Force users. She had known one pretty well. And she wasn’t as intimated by Rey as she was by Poe. Mainly because their paths would probably very rarely cross. She had to impress Poe daily. But Rey? She wouldn’t work with her.  
 **“Sure. As long as she doesn’t whip out a red saber, I think I’ll be good.“**  
Skylen cackled and the four of them, now that Connix had caught her breath, made their way to the landing strip. It seemed like everyone who wasn’t at work had gathered there. Tare was surprised by how invested the people of Kuat seemed to be with the Jedi’s mission. 

They reached the landing strip rather quickly, despite the pilots gathered close to the doors. Just in time to see a huge ship on its landing phase.  
Y/N had never seen a ship like that. It was an old model, without a doubt. If her eyes weren’t deceiving her, it was a model YT-1300f. Its blue reactor shone a light and blew wind around the base as it descended, and Y/N’s hair whipped at her face. Even though the ship was quite old, it looked in stellar shape - pun intended. Y/N was impressed. She couldn’t even keep her TIE clean for a week, let alone years.   
Which… had earned her an earful from Hux quite a few times. But he had been lenient with her, seeing as she was his best pilot.  
Heh. She was probably the only pilot who could ever brag about not being hated by General Hux. And that, in itself, was an accomplishment, _especially_ with her antics.  
The ship finally touched the ground and Poe and Finn ran to its door as it opened. A young woman with brown hair walked out, and she was attacked by the two men who hugged her ferociously. Y/N winced on compassion. Ow. This had to hurt.   
The trio was soon joined by R2-D2, who zoomed past the crowd, beeping excitedly, followed closely by BB-8. And then, coming from the ship, a Wookie appeared.  
Wait - she was traveling with a Wookie?!  
Y/N had never met one. During her time in the Order, the only times she had gotten close to their home planet hadn’t been happy occasions. She was pretty sure her face was still stuck to the walls of various cantinas, with a bounty on her head. She winced. The creatures had a long memory, and she wasn’t going to test it.  
But he (or she?) wasn’t the last passenger - soon enough, another droid walked down the ramp. Its steps were hesitant, as if it was limping, or was unsure of where it was. Gold from head to toe, it was immediately approached by R2 and they engaged in a conversation.

 **“And here it is, the dream team complete,“** Skylen commented. **“You have before your eyes the very best the Resistance had to offer. These guys kept you busy during the war,“** he joked, and Y/N hit his arm.  
 **“Who are they?“** She asked. Skylen pointed at the droid.  
 **“That’s C-3PO. If you think Poe talks a lot, wait until you meet him. He’ll talk your ear off and can’t get a hint. The Wookie is Chewbacca, Chewie for short. He was Han Solo’s copilot for years. He is family to all of us. And, of course, that’s Rey in the middle.“**  
The reunion was over quickly and the three humans followed by Chewbacca. The Jedi waved at the soldiers gathered around her to welcome her home, and Kuat’s sun caught the hilt of her lightsaber, swinging back and forth on her hip as she walked-  
Wait.  
They were walking in their direction-  
 **“Oh, nope,“** Y/N whispered, and she turned on her heels. She didn’t want to meet a Jedi NOW-  
 **“Oh, Kriff no, you’re not getting away,“** Skylen said as he blocked her path. The damn Rancor was way stronger than her.   
**“Y/N! Here you are.“**  
Shiiiiiit.  
She huffed and glared at Skylen with all the strength she could muster. Okay, she had lied. She was nervous. And particularly wary of Force users. Her first encounter with Ren had ended with a mind-probing session.  
Still, it was rude to run away now. She turned back around, coming to face Poe.  
 **“Rey, there’s someone I’d like you to meet. This is Y/N Thunderbird. Blue Squad’s newest recruit.“**

The woman next to Poe was younger than all of them. It was quite obvious, but also very visible that the battles she had fought had taken a toll on her. She had aged faster than she should have. For someone so young, she held herself with a lot of confidence. Her hair was tied up in three buns and she had kind brown eyes. Her skin was tanned and sprinkled with freckles. She must have spent a lot of time in the sun. The clothes she was wearing weren’t standard Resistance either, with the white part crossed on her chest and falling to her ankles. It was a Jedi-worthy outfit, without a doubt.  
If the lightsaber on her hip wasn’t an indication enough.  
 **“It’s nice to finally meet you,“** she said, extending her hand for Y/N to shake. **“I’ve heard a LOT of things about you. I’m Rey.“**  
Yikes. What the hell had Poe and Finn told her?!   
Y/N smiled timidly and shook her head. She was only half surprised when nothing came to touch her brain.   
**“Y/N. Likewise.“**  
Her hand was warm. This was a stupid thing to notice, but she did anyway.   
Chewbacca stopped behind them and his eyes fell on Y/N. For a second, he looked… Surprised? Not like he had been looking until then.  
 **“Hi. Chewbacca, right?“**  
She realized slightly too late that it was perfectly stupid to strike a conversation with someone she couldn’t understand-  
He groaned. _**“Hello. Nice to meet you.“**_  
 **“Likewise,“** Y/N found herself answering.  
Poe looked at her, surprised.  
 **“You speak Wookie?“**  
… She spoke Wookie?  
Tilting her head to the side, she tried to remember something, anything, that might tell her where she had learned the language. Certainly not in the Order. So this meant she had learned during her past life.  
Interesting…  
 **“Looks like it,“** she mumbled. 

Rey went on to greet both Skylen and Klana, who looked delighted to see her. But she had barely finished talking that Finn hit her back, catching her attention.  
 **“Okay, you’ve had a loooong trip. Let us treat you to a drink in the cafeteria.“**  
Rey laughed and shook her head.  
 **“No, Finn, I’m fine. I want to unload the ship before I sit down, or I’ll never stand up again. Your call kept me up all night,** “ she added, more seriously, and Poe looked utterly embarrassed.  
 **“I told you it’s nothing.“**  
 **“Of course you would say that. Now, can I borrow Y/N?“**  
 _Wat_ -  
The woman blinked a couple of times, feeling strangely put on the spot. Poe shrugged.  
 **“I have no mission for her at the moment, so if she’s fine with it.“**  
 **“ _She_ is okay with, uh… What do you need me for?“** Y/N asked. Rey smiled.  
 **“Just some help with the crates. I’d like to get to know you better, and I could use a hand. Finn always knocks things up in the Falcon, and I won’t let Poe near the cockpit since he blew both sub-alternators.“**  
That rattled Poe, who glared at her, annoyed.  
 **“Okay, that was ONE TIME-“**  
 **“One too many. And you blew up the compressor.“**  
 **“I was trying to save our lives-“**  
 **“GUYS! Knock it off! Maker, _every time_ ,“** Finn interrupted, shaking his head. Oh, Y/N was pretty sure they’d had this argument a couple of times already. But Rey was more amused than anything. She, apparently, very much enjoyed teasing Poe.  
They would get along JUST FINE.

With one last, curious look in their direction, they parted ways with the rest of the group. Chewbacca went with the rest of them (he was very appreciative of Skylen’s beard, which made the pilot tremendously happy) and Y/N followed Rey to her ship. It was even bigger from up close. They stopped to admire the machinery. The hull was fuming in some spots, probably from the long flight home. Some mechanics were already hard at work and enjoying themselves; working on such a legendary ship was an honor they didn’t want to go to waste. Y/N had already seen the Falcon - well, once, and it had been from a distance. She was still impressed.  
That ship had been a pain in the ass of the Empire for a LONG time. Way before she was even born. That was historical.  
 **“Beautiful, huh?“** Rey commented. Y/N nodded.  
 **“I’m surprised it’s still in one piece,“** she joked. **“You’d think that after so many rides, it would be falling apart. I mean, don’t get me wrong. It’s a hunk of junk, but a stunning one. The hydraulic system could use some care,“** Y/N added, nodding in direction of the pipes sticking out near the boarding ramp. **“But kriff, I’ve come back with a TIE in far worse condition, and it was brand new.“**  
Rey laughed, and Y/N realized she had been rambling. Whoops. She tended to get a bit carried away when introduced to new ships.  
 **“You’re right about the hydraulic system, we damaged it on the way here. Poe warned me you were a big fan of ships in general, but I thought he was just exaggerating as usual. For once, I stand corrected. It’s nice to see someone appreciate its history.“**  
She cocked her head to the side as if she was suddenly remembering something.  
 **“Funny choice of words, though…“** she mumbled. Y/N frowned, but before she could ask about it, a robotic voice interrupted them.  
 **“Ah! Mistress Rey! I was afraid I had lost you! AreToo tried to convince me you were leaving without us. You are terribly rude, you greasy can of rust!“**  
The golden droid, with his big eyes and visible wires, was nothing one could expect to see. His steps were awkward, and he was positively jumpy, shivering, and looking around every time someone made some noise. The duo he formed with AreToo was a very comical one, and Y/N chuckled.  
 **“I would never leave you, Threepio. Now, say hello, we have a guest.“**  
 **“A guest! Oh, dear! How rude of me! I am C-3PO, human/cyborg relations. And you-“**

He turned away from AreToo and his glowing eyes fell on Y/N. This seemed to rattle him because he jumped back a bit.  
 **“Miss Y/N!“**  
…Yes?  
Y/N squinted.  
 **“That’s… me. I’m sorry, have we met before?“**  
He looked at Rey, then at AreToo, then at Rey, then at Y/N.  
 **“Oh, no, my apologies, Miss. AreToo has told me about you and I was surprised to see you so soon.“**  
Y/N smiled and extended a hand for him to shake.  
 **“Well, C-3PO, I am Y/N Thunderbird, human/X-Wing relations. I’m glad to meet you.“**  
Surprised, the droid shook her head to the best of his abilities while turning to look at AreToo.  
 **“You see? She is so polite! You could learn a thing or two from her!“**  
Both women laughed at their antics, but they eventually left them on the ground as they walked in the ship. They were, after all, on a mission.

What surprised Y/N was the filth. The ship was well-lived, there was no doubt about that. The white panels on the ceiling and walls were scratched and dirty. Some pipes were protruding from the walls and the hallway was littered with crates.  
 **“Sorry for the mess!“** Rey said, walking around an open crate. **“We didn’t exactly have time to clean things up when we got Finn’s emergency call. Came as fast as I could.“**  
 **“I’ve seen worse. I lived with male pilots for a couple of months. If you think that’s messy, you’ve not seen the half of it.“**  
Rey snorted.  
 **“True. You’ve also met Poe, so I guess you know a thing or two about men being messy.“**  
It was Y/N’s time to laugh. Poe was… something. Apart from his ship, everything else was a mess around him. She had, once, caught glimpse of his desk, and Maker, how he got anything done was a mystery to her.  
Following Rey like a lost puppy, Y/N made sure she wasn’t knocking anything over. The Jedi noticed and turned around with a warm smile on her face.   
**“You don’t have to be so nervous, you know.“**  
Ah. Well.  
 **“Is that what your Jedi sense is telling you?“** Y/N joked - or tried to. In all honesty, she was very nervous. Her people skills were still rusty. And this was Finn and Poe’s friend! She couldn’t make a bad impression on her!  
 **“Oh, no, you look like you’re gonna pass out,“** Rey shrugged, closing a cart as she walked past it.  
 **“…That’s not as reassuring as you thought it’d be.“**

She laughed, again. She was either very easy-going, or Y/N really was an idiot. She wasn’t sure which scenario was the most probable.  
But she didn’t have time to ponder on it; Rey gave her her first instructions, and they started working on the crates, putting things inside and putting away random metallic pieces. Without Poe or Finn knocking things around, they made quick work of the mess in the main hallway. Rey then led her to the main hold. Y/N had to admit; even if the ship was a mess, it was very cozy. Far from the sterile hallways of the Finalizer.  
Now that she knew about Ren and his childhood, it was hard to imagine him toddling around these hallways, laughing with his dad.   
**“Also, don’t worry. Poe and Finn only told me good things about you.“**  
Wait, what?!  
Y/N looked up so fast it gave her whiplash. Rattled, she stared at Rey, blinking, like a deer in the headlights. **“Sorry - I didn’t mean to read your thoughts earlier. You were just projecting them a lot,“** she added sheepishly.  
Ah, yes… That was right. She could do that. Force user and everything.  
Kriff.  
Centering herself like Kylo had taught her to do in case she ever came to meet Snoke, she rubbed the back of her head.  
 **“Yeah… I’ve always done that. It’s been a long time since I had to worry about keeping them in check, though.“**  
Rey nodded thoughtfully.  
 **“With Ben,“** she answered knowingly. But she caught herself, shaking her head. The buns on her scalp were starting to loosen up a bit, with meant she must have been running around a lot because they looked very secure. **“Sorry. Kylo. Ren. I don’t know how you called him.“**  
Master. Usually. Or Leader Ren, when they were around other people.  
 **“It… depended. He wasn’t very strict about titles when we were alone. Which was nice. You could lose your head for a mistake like that with other officers.“**  
Rey nodded and bit her lip. She seemed… hesitant.

 **“I… don’t want to make you uncomfortable, talking about him. But you’re the only person I’ve met I can talk to about his good side. Other than Leia, of course.“**  
Y/N couldn’t help it; she snorted, and the Jedi raised both eyebrows in surprise. The pilot was quick to justify her reaction.  
 **“You’re the first person I’ve heard who refers to him as someone who had a good side.“**  
She laughed quietly.  
 **“They didn’t know him as I did. They know what he did for them, and they’re grateful… But he’ll forever be the man who tortured Poe, who almost killed Finn. Who killed Han Solo. But you and me, we knew him differently.“**  
She had a point. And it was… nice. Poe had been very open-minded, but he couldn’t possibly understand. Y/N wasn’t sure even she could understand the nature of her bond with the Sith Lord (provided he could be called as such). But Rey… Rey understood. She hadn’t been given any details regarding THEIR relation, but from her understanding, they had been quite close. Something about the Force. That escaped her understanding.  
She got it, though. It must have been hard to have everyone hating on someone you knew didn’t fit the light everyone was painting him in.   
**“…Did you know him well?“** Rey ended up asking. They sat down on the couch. It squeaked a little. Y/N felt bad to be abandoning her task, but hey, if Rey said they deserved a break, then they deserved a break!

She thought about her question for a moment, eyes drifting around the room. The metallic panels on the floor were apparent in a few spots, white crates were laying around. But it was the tidiest room of the ship she had seen so far. In front of them was a Dejarik chess table that had seen better days… but Y/N could only imagine the legends it had seen playing.   
**“I don’t know. It’s hard to tell, sometimes. I was closer to him than everyone on board. But I don’t think I knew him that well… I still saw that good side of his you’re talking about, though.“**  
There was one moment she remembered in particular. She smiled, thinking about it.  
 **“One time, we were out on a mission. I can’t remember where - all I remember is that it was freezing. I ended up catching a really bad cold. I was so sick. I dragged myself out of bed the following morning for routine training. Ren saw me looking redder than his lightsaber and sent me back to my quarters. He told Hux I had the Nubian flu. I got to rest for three days while my second in command took care of the training. I asked about it later on and he told me he didn’t want me contaminating the entire squad.“**  
Rey smiled. Both of them were aware that Ren had lied - Y/N had never pushed the matter further. She was grateful she got to rest. In her line of work, any mistake could be fatal.  
Also, working herself to the bone was exhausting. She wasn’t going to complain about getting a day off. Or three.  
 **“When we were on Exegol,“** Rey said, eyes lost in the distance, **“I was dead for a moment. I mean - I died. Ben brought me back. He traded his life for mine through the Force. It was the last thing he ever did. He wasn’t all bad. I just think he had lost his way and could only see one in the First Order. He was lost. And he never forgot what he did to Han.“**  
Yeah, Y/N would imagine that killing your father would leave a mark. She understood, theoretically, why he had done it. She just couldn’t understand.  
He had been lucky enough to get two loving parents… She would have traded everything for just one.

Still, she gently put her hand on Rey’s knee.  
 **“I’m sorry. For your loss. I can’t imagine how hard it was for you.“**  
She smiled gratefully but didn’t say anything. The memories were still fresh in her mind, without a doubt. After all, it had only been a year. Perhaps time would never really dull the pain.   
**“I’m sorry. I didn’t ask you to come here to nag you about Ben. So, tell me about yourself. How did you end up on Kuat?“**  
They got back to work after that as Y/N told her her origin story - how she had met Skylen, how she had met Poe (which sent Rey hollering with laughter. Apparently, not knowing who he was was a _pretty big_ accomplishment). How she had made Blue Squad. Rey told her about her growing up on Jakku. Her life as a scavenger. How she had met Finn. It turned out that both of them had been introduced to the Resistance in very… eventful ways.  
Which wasn’t so surprising, considering they were a bunch of troublemakers.   
**“From scavenging to starting a new Jedi order… You have quite the backstory,“** Y/N joked after a couple of hours. They had finally cleaned the ship - or, rather, tidied it. The only place they hadn’t touched yet was the cockpit. Rey was saving that for last.  
 **“You can talk! An Imperial officer who ended up in Poe Dameron’s squad? Talk about a change of path!“**  
Y/N snorted.  
 **“Maybe! But _I_ didn’t get a lightsaber on the way there!“**  
With a smirk, Rey unclasped the weapon from its hook and presented it to her.  
 **“This thing? Maybe not, but you got an X-Wing!“**

Y/N looked down warily at the inert stick. It was less scary when it wasn’t ignited and there wasn’t a blood-red energy blade coming out of it. She still wondered what color it was, though. She knew about the red and the blue, but perhaps there were other shades?  
 **“I can’t cut through things with my ship,“** she stated, matter-of-factly. Rey nodded.  
 **“You have a point.“**  
But a lightsaber couldn’t fly! Heh.  
 **“Wanna see it ignited?“**  
Wait, WHAT?  
Y/N looked back up at Rey with big eyes filled with anxiety. Uh… Was it even safe to turn it on inside the ship? She wouldn’t offer if it wasn’t, would she?   
**“It’s okay! It’s safe. Just don’t touch the blade. It wouldn’t be too bad for you to see a lightsaber that hasn’t be used to cut people in half.“**  
…She had a point.  
 **“You just wanna show off, don’t you?“** She taunted. Rey giggled.  
 **“I’ve already shown it to everyone on base! If it makes you feel better, you can show me your ship after.“**  
Oh, they had a DEAL!  
Y/N nodded and, with a flick of her wrist, Rey turned it on. The familiar hum reverberated around the hallway as the yellow blade was ignited.  
Wait. Yellow! She didn’t know you could have yellow blades!  
It was pretty. Not as vibrant as Kylo’s - but very pretty. Rey moved it slowly, showing it off.  
 **“Not so scary like that, is it?“**  
No, she was right, Y/N had to admit. She smiled.

But as the blade swayed softly back and forth, Y/N felt uncomfortable. As if something unwanted was coming to her mind. Oh, kriff. No. It couldn’t be-  
But nothing touched her brain, this time. She was just… feeling weird. As if she was trying to remember something, but couldn’t. She shook her head as Rey turned the lightsaber off.  
 **“You okay?“**  
 **“Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry. I get these headaches sometimes.“**  
Maybe she should get her head checked by a medic again? No, it was probably nothing. Besides, Poe had told her they had given her an implant.   
**“Okay. Well, if you want to stop here, I understand. You’ve helped me a lot already and you didn’t have to.“**  
 **“No, it’s alright. We’re almost done anyway.“**  
Rey stared at her for a moment longer before nodding. Then, they walked to the cockpit. The long hallway that led there was remarkably spotless, which was good - fewer crates to put away.   
But when Rey opened the door, Y/N stopped dead on her tracks.  
She… knew that room.  
 **“I’ve been here before,“** she whispered.   
Somehow, the four seats were exactly as she remembered them to be. Grey, well-lived, they had welcomed countless passengers. The dome-like shape of the ceiling was covered with various lights, metallic parts, switches, buttons. They were powered off, but still impressive.   
On the other side of the room, the commands, and the huge canopy from which they could see the buzzing base of Kuat. The two passenger seats on her side were once yellow, but that had been a long time ago.  
 **“What was that?“** Rey asked as she rummaged through one crate laying there. She put some things back in the slots where they belonged, in the walls.  
 **“I’ve been there before; In this cockpit. I… don’t remember how, or when,“** Y/N repeated, looking around. The place reminded her of a weird mix of… excitement, nostalgia, and sadness.  
 **“How’s that possible? Did you know Han? Or Lando? He had her before Han won her,“** Rey asked, standing back up. Her white outfit was smeared with grease. The cleaning crew would have work to do with that thing.  
 **“I… don’t know. I’ve met Lando and he didn’t say anything. Maybe I’m just imagining things. My memory isn’t exactly… working well.“**  
Yeah, understatement of the CENTURY.  
But as she looked at the commands more closely, and when she noticed the two golden dice hanging from the ceiling, and she remembered seeing them before, she knew it wasn’t all in her head.

——————————————————

The time spent with Rey had been exhausting, both physically and mentally. The Jedi was nice and open-minded, but she had opened up deep wounds Y/N had forgotten about. And that lightsaber of hers… Whenever she thought about it, her head stopped cooperating.   
Still reeling from their meeting and her annoyance with Poe, Y/N had eaten quietly and as fast as she could, before slipping away unnoticed. She hadn’t seen Klana or Skylen since they had parted ways earlier that day, and she was sure they were busy eating with the crew anyway. Their talk had given her a lot to think about, and she would rather do that alone.  
After a quick shower and some reading, she had slipped under the covers of her bed, turning off the lights for the night. It was still early, probably around nine, but she didn’t care. She wouldn’t fall asleep for a while anyway.

In the dark, laying on her back, she stared at the ceiling. Trying to remember where she could have come across the Falcon. Or the dice. Or anything. For years, nothing had triggered her memories; and now? She seemed to be close to uncovering some of the mysteries of her past life. It scared her as much as it excited her. What if t was somehow worse than what she had lived in the First Order?  
…Yeah, no, she could hardly have done something worse than killing people for a living.   
That was… something at least?  
With a huff, she rolled over. What had the medic told her? She couldn’t force it? That was Bantha shit. She had been patiently waiting for years. Maybe forcing it would have worked better.  
So, she tried, for what seemed like hours, tossing and turning, thinking about it, trying to make sense of what she had felt, seen, thought. Of what Rey had told her. Oh, how it reminded her of the times she had done the same, alone in her quarters on the Finalizer, trying to make sense of her life. Of the tasks Ren had given her. She always ended up passing out in the early hours of the day after, with no answer in sight.  
This time was no different.

_Laughter. The fresh breeze of an early morning._   
_The humming sound of a lightsaber. Water splashing. Delighted squeals._   
_A yellow flash._   
_Screams of terror. The smell of charred wood. The acrid scent of an inferno. Soot in the air, smoke darkening the sky._   
_Blue against blue._   
**_“BEN! NO!“_ **

Y/N gasped as she jumped awake, breathing heavily. She was shaking like crazy, her throat was sore and she could almost still smell the smoke. She was drenched in sweat and chilled to the bone. She couldn’t catch her breath. What was that? What was THAT?! She couldn’t remember. That hadn’t happened in the Order-  
Before she could even try to make sense of what she had seen, her door whooshed open and the security lights were turned on, revealing the muzzle of a blaster and the man holding it.  
Poe.  
He looked ready for a fight and his eyes looked around the room, alert, before he lowered his gun when he realized there was no threat.  
 **“Y/N! What the hell? Are you okay? I was walking outside and I heard you screaming. Said something about Ren. I thought…“**  
He shook his head and put his weapon away, frowning when he saw she was still shivering.  
 **“What’s wrong? What happened? You look terrified.“**  
What had happened, indeed? Had she said something about Ren? Called after him in her dreams, or rather, nightmares?  
 **“Nightmare,“** she mumbled, rubbing her forehead with the back of her hand. “ **I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to alarm you. What time is it?“**  
 **“Four in the morning.“**  
He kneeled by her side and gently pressed her wrist. He cursed.  
 **“Maker, you’re burning up.“** Was she? She hadn’t noticed. **“Stay put, I’ll get you a glass of water.“**  
Before she could refuse, he stood up and went to the bathroom. It was only after he had left and the door of her room had mysteriously closed that Y/N noticed BeeBee was there as well. She pushed the covers away from her body and sat down on the edge of her bed. The shivers her starting to die down, but the smell of smoke was still in her nose, faint yet ever so present as if she had just walked away from a burning building. That’s all she could remember. The smell… And the blue lights.  
And her screaming. Ren’s name? That wouldn’t make sense. She didn’t know Kylo Ren before she had met him that day, on the Finalizer. That, she was sure of.  
BeeBee nudged her leg, beeping worriedly, and Y/N smiled softly at him.  
 **“I’m okay, little one. It’s nothing. Happens sometimes.“**

It was true, she often got nightmares - but never of that intensity. And never of things she didn’t remember. Maybe it was just the fragments of her imagination? But no, it had felt so real. It was a memory.  
Poe came back at that moment, with the glass of water. He sat down on the bed next to her and handed her the glass.  
 **“Here. It’ll help.“**  
She took it and drank it in one go with a grateful look. She was parched. Her throat was still tender from having been squeezed so hard by the thug the other day and screaming at the top of her lungs definitely didn’t help.  
 **“You get them often?“** He asked after a moment, and she shrugged.  
 **“Sometimes. This one was different, though. I’m sorry you had to barge in here. Must have scared you half to death,“** she joked, but Poe didn’t smile. Instead, he sighed, and rubbed the bridge of her nose between his thumb and index finger.  
“ **Don’t joke about that. I thought someone had broken into your room and you were in danger. Good thing you didn’t change the code.“**  
Ah, yes. She understood how he must have felt. How stupid of her! An intruder on the base was a serious issue.  
 **“Well, if Ren was somehow alive and here, I don’t think I would’ve had time to scream for help.“**  
BeeBee let out a long, horrified beep, looking up at her with what would have been wide eyes if he had two and they could expand. Poe opened his mouth to answer but she beat him to it.  
 **“I appreciate the concern, though. And I’ll be taking notes on how my room isn’t soundproof. This definitely limits my possibilities.“**  
The droid at her feet beeped again, this time in shock, as Poe slowly let a smile creep up his face.  
 **“Nope. But mine is.“**  
Y/N let out an appreciative hum.  
 **“Kinky.“**  
They both laughed. She had stopped shivering and felt better. There truly was nothing Doctor Dameron couldn’t cure. Who would have thought?

It took her a moment of silence to realize she was pretty much in her underwear, in her room, alone at night, with none other than Poe Dameron. Had she been any less tired, she would have turned bright red. But he didn’t seem to mind. Ever the gentleman, he hadn’t looked down once.  
Which was… equally insulting and commendable.  
 **“Wanna talk about it?“** He finally asked after a minute or so. Y/N sighed.  
 **“There’s nothing to talk about. I don’t remember much. I don’t think there’s much to remember. There were mostly flashes. A yellow one, then bright blue lights, the smell of smoke. Maybe a battlefield? But the war ended before I was born. Must have been triggered earlier when I was speaking with Rey.“**  
He nodded thoughtfully.  
 **“She told me you have been on board the Falcon before. And that you had a headache when you saw her lightsaber. She shouldn’t have ignited it with you there. That thing brings serious PTSD.“**  
Y/N shook her head no. It wasn’t Rey’s fault. She had said yes anyway. Couldn’t blame the Jedi for doing something she had asked about before.  
 **“No, it’s not her fault. I’m not scared of it anyway. It must have triggered a memory. I hate it. I wish I could remember everything or nothing at all. But living in the middle is exhausting.“**  
Poe merely nodded. There was nothing he could do, or say for that matter, that would make things better. It was alright. Having him there was enough. 

**“How do you do it? Live with half your life missing?“** He asked quietly. Y/N thought about it, watching BeeBee in the meantime. He was listening intently.   
**“To be fair, it was never a big issue, I always thought I’d be dead by the time I reached twenty-five. So not having a past was no biggie, since I didn’t have a future. But now… I just try to not take things for granted, I guess. Live things fully, because I could very well forget it all tomorrow again. It’s harder to forget something really important to you.“**  
She still felt incomplete, though. Like one half of a jigsaw puzzle. A doll with no head, an X-Wing without its wings.  
Poe put his hand on her knee and squeezed softly.  
 **“Things are starting to come back. That’s good. They’ll come back with time, I’m sure. But for now, you need to rest. BeeBee will stay with you until morning. He will wake you up if you start drifting off. That good, buddy?“**  
Like the diligent watchman (watchdroid?) he was, BeeBee nodded eagerly, and Y/N chuckled.  
 **“My little guardian angel. But don’t you have to charge him up?“**  
Poe shrugged.  
 **“He is fully powered up. I woke up an hour ago and I had plugged him before going to sleep.“**  
Wait. Wait-

 **“…Why were you even awake at four in the morning? And fully dressed too?“** She asked. Poe grimaced, embarrassed. He looked down at his droid to find some support but the orange ball purposely looked away.  
 **“I, uh. Couldn’t sleep. Went for a ride around the base to clear my mind. But don’t tell Finn! Or Rey. Please.“**  
Y/N mimed locking her lips and throwing away the key.  
 **“I’ll take it to the grave, General.“**  
He snickered and nodded towards the bed.  
 **“Take it to bed for now. I’ll let you sleep-“**  
 **“Poe. Stay, please? Just for a while. Until I fall asleep. I… going to bed alone makes it worse.“**  
Oh, how embarrassed she was, to ask him that. He had better things to do than be her babysitter! But to her surprise, he nodded and leaned forward to take off his shoes.  
 **“Trust me. I know. I do.“**  
As he walked around the bed to settle on the other side, Y/N leaned down on her pillow and leaned over the bed to kiss the top of BeeBee’s head.  
 **“Thank you, sweetheart. Good night.“**  
Then, with the voice command, she turned off the lights and rolled over. She couldn’t see Poe in the dark, but she could hear him breathing. It was quite strange, to be laying down next to someone she couldn’t see. In any other situation, it would have been threatening. Perhaps with anyone else, it would have felt like a threat, even with the knowledge of the person’s identity.   
**“Night, General.“**  
She heard him chuckle which made the bed rumble a bit.  
 **“Night, Keebler.“**  
She fell asleep five minutes later.

—————————————————————

When morning came, Y/N wasn’t surprised to find the other side of the bed empty. She was, however, shocked to discover there was a note on the other pillow. She picked it up; Poe and scribbled something on it, probably in the dark. Thinking about him cursing to himself as he tried to write a note without actually seeing anything made her laugh.

  
_Let you sleep. Set the alarm for 2 pm just in case. Briefing is at 3. We’ll leave for Tatooine at 4. Pack light. xx Porg Head_

  
She snorted and rolled over, finding BeeBee in his spot by her side. He perked up when he noticed she was awake.  
 **“Hello there! I didn’t sleep for too long, did I? I’m sorry if you got bored waiting.“**  
Beep beep. _No, I’m not bored. I rolled around the room to check for threats._  
Y/N laughed, pushing strands of hair away from her face.  
 **“You’re the perfect bodyguard. Now, come on. I’ll let you go back to your dad so you can see him before we go.“**  
He beeped sadly as she got out of bed. On her way to the bathroom, she hesitated, then put her hand on the sheets. They were lukewarm.  
Wait. Had he slept here?  
Beep beep. _Poe told me not to tell you, but he accidentally fell asleep._ This time, Y/N burst out laughing and couldn’t stop herself until she was under the shower. She washed the remains of last night’s nightmare off her body before stepping out, a towel wrapped around herself.  
 **“Oh, before you go, I have something for you.“**  
Opening her dresser, she pushed aside the toolbox Varun had given her a few weeks prior and produced a can of filtered oil.  
 **“I should technically keep it for the ship, but I know you droids love that stuff- Maker!“** She couldn’t even finish her sentence; BeeBee was practically vibrating from excitement, rolling around her. Wow, okay. With a fit of giggles, she kneeled and opened his oil compartment.  
 **“I know you’re not supposed to be fed that. But I won’t tell Poe if you don’t. It’ll be our secret. You deserve it anyway. He can fight me if he wanna.“**  
She filled the small tank and sealed it again. Whoops. No one would know. Well, Poe would probably notice how hyper his droid was, but… That was a problem for future Y/N!

She made her way to the door, opened it, and thanked BeeBee for his service again as he rolled away. Then, she got dressed, putting on a light yet durable pair of pants, a cotton tank top, her leather jacket, the holster with the blaster inside on her belt, a light pair of boots, and-  
She hesitated. Sitting with the rest of her stuff was a knife strap. Made for a vibrodagger. With a sigh, she strapped it to her right calf. She’d have to swing by the armory to get one, but considering how the last mission had gone, well. Maybe it was for the best.  
Last but not least, she grabbed a piece of beige cloth she could pull up to hide, as well as some goggles to protect herself from the sand. It could always come in handy.  
Satisfied with her pick and the two braids she secured on both sides of her head, she tucked her necklace inside her shirt and went out. The hallways were quiet. Kriff! She hadn’t even looked at the time yet. A glance at her commlink told her it wasn’t even two yet - good. She had time to grab some food and get to the briefing.

She did just that and didn’t run into anyone she knew, besides some of the mechanics who nodded in her direction when she walked past them. Y/N reminded herself that she owed them some gifts after the miracle work they did on her ship that time she almost blew it up. The list of the gifts she had to make on Life Day was growing with each day.  
Her whole salary would be spent on trinkets, she was sure of it.  
After a copious meal (she had to fuel up - Tatooine wasn’t exactly known for its culinary delicacies), and with little time to spare, she was headed for the briefing room. On the way there, as she avoided yet another cleaning accident (these droids needed an urgent check-up), she bumped into Klana. It shouldn’t have surprised Y/N, but she was wearing yet again another type of clothes. The woman seemed to have an outfit for every situation that arose. She could be easily confused with one of the sands people that populated the charred rock.  
 **“Hello there, stranger. Ready for the big mission?“**  
 **“You mean, the _next_ big mission?“** Y/N countered, and Klana chuckled.  
 **“You’re not wrong. Can’t complain about life being boring around here, that’s for sure. And you’ve definitely become a fan favorite real fast. I mean, I don’t think there hasn’t been one high-stake mission you haven’t been part of since you arrived. Not sure you’re too happy about that one, though. Am I wrong?“**  
Nope, she wasn’t, as usual. Y/N grimaced as they turned around the corner of the hallway, eyeing warily another cleaning droid that was dangerously close to its bucket of soap.  
 **“I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad Poe’s taking me. But I’ve been avoiding Tatooine for a while now. I only have bad memories of it. The few good ones I had have been destroyed long ago. And the sand, Maker, it’s SO coarse, I hate it!“**  
Klana laughed and went on to joke about how surprising it was to find sand in a DESERT. Y/N sassed her back by pointing out she was slowly starting to get Skylen’s humor.  
 **“If I had known it was contagious, I would have whisked you away months ago,“** she said, stepping aside to avoid being whacked on the arm.  
 **“Rude!“**  
The two women laughed as they got closer to the rendezvous point. It was always enjoyable to spend some quality time goofing around with Klana. When she was in the Order, the only woman close to her rank whom she could spend time with was… Phasma.  
And the shiny tin can had been anything but friendly. Or talkative. Y/N was pretty sure she would’ve had better luck striking a conversation with an actual tin can. That, and she wouldn’t have believed she could talk if she hadn’t heard her talk to Ren once. She was pretty sure the Knight of Ren had snickered under his helmet when he had seen her face upon hearing her voice.  
That, or the “wait, she can SPEAK?!“ Only half-whispered that had followed.  
Whoops.

 **“There’s at least one good thing about that,“** Klana said nonchalantly while she slowed down. Uh-oh. That smelled fishy.  
 **“Do I wanna know?“**  
 **“At least Zorii won’t force you to team up with her this time around.“**  
Theeeere you go.  
 **“Our partnership wasn’t a total fail. We got out of there alive and with all our limbs. I call that a victory, all things considered,“** Y/N commented, pushing one of her braids back out of nervousness.  
 **“Oh, you know that’s not what I mean, Y/N. Is playing dumb when you’re uncomfortable another leaf you’ve taken from Poe’s book?“**  
O U C H.  
Y/N visibly winced. That was a low blow! Okay, it might have been spot on, BUT! She rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly, trying to come up with something.  
 **“I mean, she’s… something. And she makes me uncomfortable sometimes. She’s so pushy.“**  
 **“Oh, I noticed that alright. Especially when I saw the face you made when Finn told you what their inside joke was about.“**  
…Yikes, she had seen that.  
Y/N sighed. It had been foolish of her to think she could escape Klana’s keen eyes.  
 **“Yeah, it’s just… She gave me this long-ass lecture about her not being into Poe anymore, trying to make sure I was treating him right or whatever, he also laughed at me when I encouraged him to do whatever he wanted the other day. Can you believe it? I didn’t ask to be part of the drama! Maker, I’m starting to regret being antisocial. At least Ren wasn’t trying to set me up with Hux or anything.“**  
She snorted at the thought. That miiiight have been a lie. But, technically, forcing her to be his date at a random showing-off event did NOT count as playing matchmaker. Right?  
For the sake of her trauma, she would not consider it.

Klana chuckled.  
 **“Oh, come on, you don’t mean that. You like us. Besides, this is a joke between them, he doesn’t mean anything by it. I think Finn told you that already, but I just wanted to see your reaction. For scientific purposes.”**  
Yep, she was just going to ignore that. Instead, she sighed.  
 **“It doesn’t matter if he does or not. You know what, maybe you were right the other day. Maybe I should start dating or something. To keep me busy. And get Zorii off my back.”**  
If Klana could reach another level of existence from squealing too hard, it was probably going to happen in the next few seconds because she was vibrating with excitement.  
 **“YES! Oh, Maker, I already know who to introduce you to. Okay, describe your dream guy to me and I’ll make it happen. I have a list and-“**  
Someone cleared their throat behind them and Y/N just KNEW it HAD to be the only person she did not want to hear that.  
And yes, of course, it was Poe.

 **“Sorry to interrupt your very important discussion, but we have a briefing to get to. Skylen is waiting for us.”**  
Klana giggled but didn’t look sorry in the slightest. What had she done?!  
Her brunette friend disappeared inside the room down the hall as Poe lingered in the hallway, waiting for her to be out of earshot before turning to Y/N.  
 **“Slept well?”**  
 **“Yeah. Thank you. Didn’t have another nightmare.”**  
 **“That’s good. Just please remember that you can get some sleep pills from the medics if you need to. You don’t have to suffer in silence.”**  
He squeezed her shoulder and walked after Klana without another word. _Sigh_.   
As she followed after him, Y/N promised herself she would put some distance between her and... the rest. What had happened the previous night couldn’t happen again. She would stay perfectly friendly with Poe, would let the drama die done, and get on with her life.  
The last thing she wanted was to have her heart broken by pretenses and wishful thinking.  
Once had been enough.

Somehow, the pre-mission briefing was always over quickly. Poe had given them the information they needed - the time and place of the meeting in Mos Eisley, the plans of the cantina they would hide in. Skylen’s role, where they would sit to spy on them. The distinctive sign their contact had given them. It had been over quickly, and off they went. A quick visit to the control room (where they had waved goodbye to Finn, Rey, and Chewie) later, and they were boarding the ship. It was an older model - perfectly inconspicuous. No one would expect the best pilot of the galaxy to show up in a flying trashcan. That was perfect.   
Poe and Skylen were piloting, leaving the women in the main room. Laying on a makeshift bed, Y/N was thinking. So much had happened during the past week. She couldn’t wait to get a day off. Sure, missions were interesting, but too many of them took a toll.  
Time always seemed to stop when you were in hyperspace. Or perhaps Y/N was just not too happy to be back and was hoping the trip would last for decades. Klana had taken the hint and was staying quiet. Y/N was grateful for that. She wasn’t exactly thrilled to get into why she hated the planet. She hadn’t told them about her escape from the Order and the events that had followed, and she didn’t want to. Hopefully, the mission would be over quickly and they could leave the damn rock.  
Hey, one could dream, right?

She had been sharpening her vibroblade for a while when Poe climbed down the ladder and nodded.  
 **“We’re landing. Grab your stuff.“**  
From the stern voice he had used, Y/N guessed he was tenser than he was letting on. That wasn’t reassuring. Poe was very chill, even under pressure. If he was on edge, then they all should be as well.  
When she rusty ship finally stopped moving, hitting the ground with more force than anticipated — Y/N cursed at Skylen — Poe sighed and wrapped his head with his scarf, making himself some sort of hood. It wasn’t unusual to see travelers with one, so he would be unsuspected. BeeBee had been left on base (a real heartbreak), and none of them had any identifying sign of some sort. They were pretty much invisible.  
At least they hoped so.   
**“Showtime,“** commented Skylen as he climbed down the ladder. His outfit was on point; body armor, strapped blasters left and right, two vibroblades protruding from his boots. With his broad shoulders and his beard, he had the perfect look to be a bounty hunter.   
He hit the button commanding the opening of the ramp and Y/N pulled her own scarf up, mimicking Poe’s outfit. They let Skylen go first and talk to the owner of the spaceport. Once they heard him talking, the three pilots slipped unnoticed out of the ship through a maintenance ladder. They were quick to leave the perimeter. As soon as they reached the exit, they parted ways. With a nod, Klana disappeared into the crowd, headed for the cantina. The rendezvous wasn’t until an hour later. But arriving at the same time would be suspicious.   
Which left Poe and Y/N plenty of time to explore the main city of the planet.

Mos Eisley had always been dusty. Speeders and people were picking up sand as they walked and the atmosphere was saturated with filth. The buildings, with their dome-shaped roofs, hadn’t been spared by the roughness of the suns. They were dirtier than the last time Y/N had visited.  
All in all, the only difference between then and now was the absence of stormtroopers in the streets. But it didn’t help her relax at all. If anything, she was tenser; with the shiny buckets, she could spot the threat in one look. Now, it was just hidden well, but not nonexistent.  
 **“So, where was your home?“** Poe asked softly once they were out of earshot. Y/N sighed and looked around, trying to situate herself.  
 **“A couple of kilometers in this direction,“** she said, waving in said direction. **“But it wasn’t my home. I hate this place. Only stayed there for a couple of days after I left.“**  
He looked at her from under his hood, brows furrowed.  
 **“You hid here after you escaped? It’d be the first place I’d look at if I were Ren looking for a deserter. That’s your home planet. He didn’t send troopers after you?“**  
Y/N stayed silent for a second. Some kids ran past them, running after a makeshift ball.  
 **“…He did. He came down here himself.“**  
She wished she could have run away faster. But finding a ship wasn’t easy. She had bought her way out of Tatooine from a slave trader, but he wouldn’t leave right away - he had a deal to make, first. Y/N had been forced to stay on the planet for two nights.  
Until the First Order had sent the Finalizer after her.  
She could still remember the screams as the star destroyer had appeared in the atmosphere in the middle of the night. 

Poe and she stopped in the shade, pretending to look at a merchant’s trinkets.  
 **“Took them two days. I crashed my TIE against an asteroid. Descended toward the planet’s atmosphere, programmed the autopilot to go back up once I reached it. Kinda like a big swing. I ejected myself and landed outside Mos Pelgo. Walked all the way here. I was hoping I could buy myself some time if they thought I had crashed the ship, but Ren knew better. I was too good of a pilot to die so stupidly.“**  
The merchant was growing impatient, asking them if they wanted something. Not wanting to look suspicious or be called on for steaming, Y/N waved at a trinket in of his stalls. She slipped the credits in his hand, pocketed the thing and they walked away. It was a small chain with two suns. Cheap, flimsy, but a nice gift for Klana to go with the rest of her collection.  
 **“What did he do?“**  
 **“Ransacked the whole town. Shot anyone that would resist. I was in the cantina when it happened. T’was a bloodbath. The guy I had paid was killed outside so I stole his ship. I managed to slip past the TIEs, somehow, and jumped in hyperspace as soon as I could. But these poor people…“**  
She shook her head. She didn’t like to think about it.  
 **“If I hadn’t hidden there, they’d still be alive. I knew what Ren could do, but that night, he was… I must have pissed him off a lot. Never seen him so cruel before.“**  
 **“Well, I have, and I can tell you that even if you hadn’t been there, he would’ve murdered them anyway. If you went somewhere else, he would’ve still come here to check. That’s on him, not you.“**  
She wished he were right. When she turned around, she could see the small alleys where people had been cornered and shot on sight by the troopers.

Klana’s voice crackled in their earpiece.  
 _ **“Skylen just walked in. You can make your way over here. No sign of our guest for now.“**_  
Poe nodded and they tranquilly walked toward the cantina. Nobody was paying attention to them, and Y/N was making sure they weren’t followed.  
If they were, they were good at hiding themselves, because she wasn’t picking up anything suspicious.  
It took them ten minutes to reach the cantina. It was exactly as Y/N remembered it to be; dark, full of outlaws, loud and smelly. The bar was made of a metallic U-shaped counter around which countless people were gathered. Against the wall, sitting at the counter, Klana. She didn’t look at them when they walked in but she nodded subtly.  
Poe ordered some random drinks from the droid barman and they went to sit in one of the smallest rooms, the more private ones. It was on the right side of the bar, and if they sat facing it, they could see the room in the far left corner, where Skylen was sitting. He was probably on the seat against the wall, leaving the other one visible to the spies. The sea of people was blocking the view, but sometimes, they moved enough to give them a good view of the room. Y/N hoped it would be enough.  
Poe sat against the wall and Y/N sat next to him, on the same side of the table. It was dark enough for them to take off their hoods - and less suspicious that way. The Mon Calamari waiter slid their drinks with no care in the world and the beers spilled a little. Poe groaned.  
 **“Thank you, pal.“**  
He got no answer. Y/N chuckled.  
 **“Not used to the locals’ hospitality yet?“**  
 **“Where I come from, people don’t spill the beer,“** he complained, and Y/N chuckled. She took a sip. How come the beer itself could taste like sand?! She made a face and forced herself to drink some more. Poe chuckled silently by her side.  
 **“What, not used to the locals’ special yet?“**

Unfortunately for him, they were sitting so close to each other that Y/N only had to jerk her knee to the right to hit his. He hissed.  
 **“Ouch.“**  
 **“You’re an ass.“**  
Even in the dark, she could perfectly see his grin.  
A glance at her commlink told her that their contact would be there any moment now. He was already running a bit late - which wasn’t a surprise. The cantina was quieter than usual - the band was playing, but not loud enough to cover the chatter of the patrons. From across the room, Y/N met Klana’s eyes, and the brunette shook her head. No sign of him yet.  
 _ **“Seeing something?“**_ Skylen asked quietly in their earpiece, and Poe informed him that nothing had changed. They waited some more, and after five more minutes, Y/N was starting to grow restless.  
 **“Something’s wrong. I don’t think he is coming.“**  
 **“Me neither-“**  
They were interrupted by a loud crash coming from outside the cantina. People screamed and everyone went to grab their blaster. The pilots exchanged a look.  
Yep, something was wrong.

A few seconds later, a heavily armored man stepped inside the room, as Y/N saw when she glanced outside the alcove.  
 **“Bounty hunters. The real deal. Skylen, get out of here, it’s a trap,“** she hissed in her commlink as the man and his friends started making rounds, roughening up some people to get a good look at them. Thankfully, Skylen managed to leave his seat and walk out of the room unnoticed, using the backdoor and the commotion the newcomers had caused.  
 **“We’re looking for someone. High-profile bounty,“** stated the metallic voice. **“All you lowlives have nothing to worry about. Let us have a look around and we’ll leave.“**  
Y/N turned to Poe as they both understood what he was saying.  
 **“Oh, Kriff, they’re not here for Skylen. We’ve been compromised. We need to get the hell out of here, NOW.“**  
But they couldn’t. There were three bounty hunters, clad in some wort of armors. One of them was wearing an ex stormtrooper armor. It was in good shape. Metal plastron, full helmet, pardon on the left shoulder. It still had some traces of the First Order sigil. Y/N frowned when she noticed the pants he was wearing; black, made for TIE pilots. He was armed to the teeth.  
Fortunately for them, he went the other way. One of his friends looked at the people around the bar. Which meant-  
 **“One of them is on the way here. Must be checking the group behind us.“**  
 **“I know,“** Poe answered. “ **We can make a run for it, but I’m afraid we won’t-“**  
 **“Do you trust me?“** Y/N interrupted him. Her fingers made quick work of loosening her braids and her hair fell in soft curls around her face. Poe stared at her quizzically.  
 **“What the hell are you doing?“**  
 **“I said, do you trust me, Poe?“**  
 **“Yeah, of course, I just don’t-“**  
 **“Please don’t hit me.“**  
 **“What are you-“**  
She cursed mentally, already shaking from the adrenaline. The footsteps were getting closer. It was now or never.  
She already hated herself.  
With a shaky breath, she turned to Poe, raised her leg above his, and sat in his lap. She didn’t let him process what she was doing; with one flick of her wrist, she pushed her hair to the right side of her face, making a curtain of it as best as she could.  
And right as she heard the footsteps coming closer, she smashed her lips against his.

For a split second, nothing happened. Y/N couldn’t even breathe, let alone hear what was happening. If the bounty hunters didn’t kill them, she knew she was gonna die from a heart attack.  
She was kissing Poe Dameron.  
Oh, kriff. Kriffing hell-  
But after one second, or two, Poe got the hint. His left arm snaked itself around her back, pulling her closer to him, and his right hand went to the side of her face. Very softly, he angled it a tad more so she could hide his face better-  
And he kissed her back.  
His lips were surprisingly soft against hers, and they tasted ever so slightly like beer. The rough stubble of his chin was scratching against her skin and she was pretty sure it would leave a mark.  
But kriff was he a good kisser.  
She knew he could feel her heart thundering against her chest. Or maybe it was his? She wasn’t too sure. But between that, his hand pushing softly on her back and the hand against her cheek, she didn’t know what to focus on. His lips moved against hers, and for a moment she forgot where they were, why they were kissing in the first place-  
Footsteps stopped right behind her and she could feel someone staring at her back. Praying her plan would work, she distanced herself from Poe ever so slightly, turning around swiftly enough to whip her hair the other way. And then, with her best drunken voice:  
 **“Do you mind, asshole?“** She slurred. The bounty hunter was a woman, older than her, and her armor was made from several parts picked up on bounties without a doubt. She looked away, embarrassed, and walked away as Y/N turned back to Poe. This time, she merely rested her nose against his. He was looking at her in perfect silence, waiting expectingly.  
 **“It, uh… Displays of affection make everyone uncomfortable.“**  
His hand was still on her back and the other one had gone to his blaster, just in case. He stayed silent for a moment before coughing softly.  
 **“Yeah, uh, that’s… Smart. I mean, I was NOT expecting that, but it was… good thinking on your part.“**  
Kriffing hell, he was flustered. Oh, no. She had made him THAT much uncomfortable. She bit her lip and his eyes followed.  
 **“I’m so sorry. I had no time to give you a warning.“**  
Her face was still tingling from the scratch of his beard and her lips were certainly bruised. The kiss hadn’t lasted for that long, but she was out of breath. His damn hand certainly didn’t help.  
That was the exact opposite of what she had promised herself she would be doing from then on.  
 **“Stay there for a moment. We need to make sure they’re gone before we get moving.“**

The two minutes that followed felt like an eternity. Especially since Poe was still staring at her. Y/N was trying her best to see through the curtain of her hair but she could feel his eyes on her. What was going through his head? Was he mad at her? He had been so thoughtful of her personal space and yet, here she was, invading his. Yeah, okay, it was an emergency, but still!  
 ** _“They’re leaving.“_ **  
Klana’s voice was a much-needed relief and Y/N sighed as she relaxed. She waited a few more seconds for extra safety before climbing down Poe’s lap. In a swift motion, she secured her scarf around the lower part of her face and her hair. Poe did the same. He nodded and they walked out of the alcove. The bounty hunters had left; they were nowhere in sight. Poe grabbed her hand with the one he wasn’t holding his blaster with.  
 **“Backdoor.“**  
They hadn’t taken three steps that a blaster shot zoomed past them and hit the wall right by their heads.

People screamed in terror and both pilots turned around, only to find the woman from earlier standing in the entrance, blocking it. Her eyes were focused on them.  
Shit.  
But a blaster shot came from the other side of the room and missed their attacker by a hair - Klana. Her blaster raised, she fired relentlessly at the other woman, who had to duck for cover. The other clients flew from the scene with no issue. They weren’t there for them, they were there for Poe. They hid in the orchestra’s alcove, weapons raised, ready to defend their position.  
Y/N would be damned before she let anything happen to him.   
_**“There’s a fourth one right outside! You gotta leave through the main entrance, I can’t get to- HEY, FUCK Y-“**_  
Skylen’s voice went silent. The cantina was empty, now - save from the three bounty hunters, Klana, Poe, and Y/N. The pilot turned to her leader, awaiting orders.  
 **“What do we do now?“**  
He stared at her for a second too long. Y/N knew they didn’t have a choice.  
 **“We fight like hell.“**  
That, she could do. She quickly addressed a prayer to whoever was listening and jumped out of her hiding spot. 

The blaster shots missed her by a hair as she ran across the room, throwing herself above the bar. She slid on the metallic counter and fell behind it as another shot hit the very spot she had been in a mere second ago. Only two shooters. Where the heck was the third one?  
She heard Klana moving as she engaged in a fight with the woman. That was one down. Coming to sit against the counter, Y/N raised her bust ever so slightly, trying to sneak a peek at the second-  
The shot hit an abandoned glass by her side and she jumped, startled. Poe immediately took it as his signal to jump into the fight, firing at the second shooter. Klana had gotten closer to the entrance, forcing the other woman to back down. Okay. If she could lure out the last shooter, they could fight their way out. She crawled across the floor to the other side of the bar, breathed in deeply, and jumped to roll across the counter a second time. She landed with both feet on the ground and made a run for the alcove-  
Something hit her leg and she was pulled to the ground. With a yelp, she rolled on her back as she realized someone had grabbed her ankle with a grapnel. Kriff!  
And here he was, the last bounty hunter. Dragging her toward him with his hun raised at her-  
Oh, hell, no.  
Y/N aimed and fired at his bracelet, efficiently breaking the mechanism and freeing herself. The impact made him recoil and he raised his gun again. Y/N rolled to the side as he fired, noticing his blaster was in incapacitating mode. No, she would not get captured AGAIN.  
She tried to grab her blade to sever the rope, but she wasn’t fast enough. The guy yanked it toward him and Y/N was thrown against a table. She hit it and it toppled over as she grunted. The metallic taste of blood filled her mouth as her lower lip got split. With his foot on the rope and Y/N proverbially in the ropes, the bounty hunter raised his gun again, but this time, the woman was faster. She pulled the rope with all of her strength and it slipped from under his foot, making him lose his balance. She was quick to get it close to her and used it as a lasso, hooking it around the muzzle of his gun and yanking it from his hand. Then, with lightning-fast reflexes, she grabbed aimed at his eyes-  
… Right as he grabbed his second blaster and aimed at her head in return.

Both of them were immobile, blasters raised, eyes unmoving. Y/N realized a second later that the cantina was quiet. She carefully looked to her side without moving her head and noticed that her friends were exactly in the same situation she was in. Blasters raised, eyeing the enemy down.  
They were stuck.  
Footsteps were heard and although Y/N couldn’t see the newcomers, she guessed who it was.  
 **“Welp. Looks like we’re in a dead-end, huh, fellas?“**  
Yep, Skylen with own bounty hunter. Okay. So there were four of them, four of them, and nobody was going anywhere.  
… That would end well.  
 **“Y/N? You okay?“** Poe asked quietly. He must have seen her hitting the table. Even though he probably couldn’t see her, she nodded.  
 **“Yeah. I’m fine-“**  
 **“What did you just call her?“**

The voice, coming from her sparring partner, was modulated by the vocoder of the helmet, but not enough to erase all of its familiarity. Something twitched in Y/N’s brain.   
Recognition.  
No.  
It _couldn’t_ be.  
With slow movements, the bounty hunter raised the hand that was free of any weapon. Y/N sent him a warning look, but he continued to move.  
 **“Easy. I’m just gonna take that off.“**  
She was tense, tenser than she had been during the fight. Her heart was in her throat, beating like crazy. She hoped she was wrong.  
Oh, how badly she hoped she was wrong.  
Time seemed to slow down as the hunter unclasped the helmet and took it off his head.  
It took Y/N five seconds to acknowledge what she was seeing.

His hair was longer than she remembered, and he had grown a beard that wasn’t a five o’clock shadow. He had aged a bit, maybe faster than he should have, because of the war. But his eyes were still as warm as she remembered them to be. He still had the brown locks she liked so much, and his skin, albeit marred with more scars than she remembered, still was sun-kissed. And he still was handsome as hell.  
He looked at her expectantly for what felt like an eternity, and Y/N hesitated. She wasn’t sure she wanted him to see her face.  
But she also wanted him to know it was her.  
With a sigh, and while ignoring Poe’s question, she pulled the scarf down, and his eyes lit up in recognition as her hair fell from its restrains and her face came free of its mask.  
Silence hung in the air for a moment longer before her lips parted to let out a name she had tried to forget and had hoped she would.  
 **“...Kit?“**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRIIIISE! There's a lot to unpack in this chapter... And I'll leave you some time to process all of it.  
> Oh, the drama.  
> Take care, lovelies <3


	18. Gimme Shelter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team learns more about the bounty on Poe's head and they make a new plan. Y/N meets again with a very important figure of her past...  
> ...And Poe isn't too sure how he feels about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: swearing (a LOT of it. Like... a lot), canon-typical violence, mention of attempted sexual assault. Nothing descriptive AT ALL, but you've been warned. I'll put some *** before the start of the paragraph so you can skip it if you want to. You'll still be able to understand the scene without it.

The initial surprise had worn off, replaced by contemplative shock on her part. On his part, well... his face had gone from stunned to inexpressive in about two seconds. That face... the one she still knew so well. A face she had called home for so long.  
How many years had it been? Three? Four? Since that night. She hadn’t seen him since. And to punish herself for turning her back on a man she had loved so much, she had never let herself grow close to anyone ever since.  
Leaving the Order had been hard. But leaving Kit... it had been hell.  
For years, as she walked the hallways of the Finalizer, she has told herself that she couldn’t be more miserable. But it had taken her losing the little things she had to realize how happy she was.

In the Order, she had a home. Friends. And a man who had loved her way harder than she had deserved. After she had left that, it was only her. Alone. Going from planet to planet with no strings attached. Doing pilot jobs for whoever would pay. She had her freedom, but at what cost? Was it even worth it if it had cost her everything? Kit had always been the one who made it worth it. He had been the difference between surviving and living. 

She dropped her weapon, feeling her chest grow tighter and her throat swell. They hadn’t broken eye contact. Y/N saw conflict in his brown eyes. He closed them for a second.  
**“Drop your weapons.”**  
**“WHAT?!”** Was the answer that came from his crew. Poe was equally shocked. He kept looking between them. His hand had dropped lower but he was still aiming at the guy’s head.  
**“What the hell? Y/N. What is this?”**  
This was... she didn’t know. She shook her head.  
**“It’s okay. I... I know him.”**  
**“That’s putting it mildly,”** Kit commented matter-of-factly. Y/N had rarely known him so cold. **“I said drop your weapons, for kriff’s sake,”** he added. She wasn’t sure if he was annoyed at them, or her. Probably both.  
Reluctantly, the three bounty hunters did and the pilots followed. The silence grew louder until the woman spoke up again.  
**“Did you hit your head or something? We’re here on a mission! Two million on the line, Kit! Now’s not the time for morals! I suggest we kill these three and-“**  
She never got the chance to finish her sentence.  
As she pointed at Y/N with her hand, Kit raised his blaster and pointed it at his partner’s head.  
**“Touch one hair of her head and I’ll blow your fucking face off.”**  
…That escalated quickly. The shock was evident on her face. To be honest, everyone included Y/N was surprised. She stared at Kit, who gave her a side-eye look but refused to meet her eyes.

The woman cursed and took a step back. Satisfied, Kit dropped his gun.  
**“Alright. We need to get outta here before-“**  
**“Now hold on. Who the hell are you, and why do you think we’re going anywhere with you nut jobs?”** Skylen interrupted. Oh, he was pissed.   
**“Name’s Kit,”** he impatiently answered. **“And if you don’t, you’re all dead.”**  
**“Doesn’t answer the question,”** Poe countered. He still had his blaster in hand and Y/N could feel his tenseness from across the room. She felt it from Kit, too.  
The said man sighed dramatically, shot her an annoyed looked that said “is that who you hang out with now” before he turned to Poe with an exaggerated smile on his face and mockery in his tone.  
**“Maker. Okay. Let’s make it simple so you’ll understand. The guy you had a meeting with? He was informed that the communicator you used was provided by the Senate. Which means he knows you’re Resistance. The guild who handles your bounty? They told everyone about it. Everyone and their _mothers_ know the leader of the Resistance is on planet right now. You have a two million credits bounty on your damn head and half the bounty hunters of the galaxy looking for you. Now, I don’t fuck with imperial bounties. We steer clear of the hits put on active Resistance members. But those guys out here?”** He said, gesturing toward the door. **“They hate your fucking guts. And they’ll torture the heck outta you before they drop you off to the client. So you have two choices. You either get out of here with us and make it out alive or you end up dead or worse. That’s your call, man.”**

Poe clenched his jaw and eyed Kit up and down. It was clear he didn’t know if he could trust him, and Kit knew it, too. He turned to Y/N with a hint of desperation.  
**“I can get you outta here. I’d never lie to you.”**  
He... was right. He had never lied to her, not once. She held his gaze and sighed.  
**“I believe him, Poe.”**  
**“What- are you sure? They were shooting at us five minutes ago.”**  
**“Because we- the guns were on incapacitating mode!”**  
**“That doesn't make it better.”**  
**“Guys!”** The female bounty hunter interrupted. **“Militia is outside. They’ll be here in about twenty seconds.”**  
Kit sighed and cursed.  
**“Cover your face up and let me handle this.”**  
Poe looked at Y/N expectantly. It was clear he was trusting her with the decision here, and she didn’t know how she felt about that.  
**“Okay.”**  
He gave her a stern nod and sneered.  
**“Glad you at least trust me with that, huh?”**  
She winced and closed her eyes for a brief second. This stung. Her heart felt like it had been punched. Maybe it had, somehow.   
**“I deserve that,”** she mumbled. Kit put his helmet back on, strapped his gun to his thigh, and answered flatly:  
**“Heck yes, you do.”**  
He turned around right as a bunch of soldiers walked in, guns raised. They sported the Galactic Republic logo on their chest but the armors weren’t standard Senate-issued protections. One of them stepped forward as the bounty hunters and Poe and the group raised their hands.  
**“Kit. Of course, it’s you. What the hell happened?”**  
The man shrugged nonchalantly.  
**“We were looking for someone. Some dude got scared and shot at us. Made a fucking mess outta here. Shots fired here and there. The usual.”**  
The other man, probably the marshal, sighed.  
**“Who’s they? Recruits?”**  
**“Yep, fresh blood.”**  
He nodded and looked at Klana, then at Y/N, then smirked.  
**“Ya know how to pick’em. Alright. Get the hell out before I change my mind.”**  
Kit nodded toward the door and they started moving toward it. As Poe got closer to the guards, the marshal eyed him suspiciously. Oh no.  
**“Kit. One last thing.”**  
He froze and Y/N knew him well enough to know he was getting ready to fight. His hand moved slightly toward his gun.  
**“Yeah?”** He asked warily. To anyone else, it was an innocent question. To Y/N, it sounded like the last warning before a bloodbath.  
**“Do you know something about that high profile bounty that’s been going around? The Resistance one?”**  
Kit took his time to answer and Y/N was terrified he was going to rat them out. He turned around, looked the marshal straight in the eyes, and said:  
**“I don’t get involved with that. I’m done with them for good. Did seven years. That’s enough.”**

An eternity - that was the only way she could describe it. A kriffing eternity, that’s how long the silence lasted for as they all wait for an answer. As they waited to see if this was going to end in a bloodbath. Kit was so tense Y/N was worried he might just snap. She didn’t know if that was because of her, or not, because he usually was calmer than that. But then again, years had passed. She didn’t know him anymore.  
But she did know Poe, and Maker, he was just as tense, if not more. He had taken a step, a ridiculously small one, in her direction. Y/N was directly facing one of the guards. If something went wrong, she would be the first to get shot.  
As it should be. So why was he even-  
**“Took you long enough to find your brains, boy, huh? Now get outta here.“**  
And with that, the tension disappeared. Kit gave a mock salute as he relaxed and the group walked out. Slowly, at first, and it felt like walking toward their death.  
But no one shot at them.  
Once they were out of sight from the guards, Kit turned to them.  
**“You need to get away from this place. Too many people.“**  
**“And you just happen to conveniently have a hideout at your disposal, huh?“** Poe said, sarcasm dripping from his words. She couldn’t see him, but Y/N felt Kit rolling his eyes.  
**“Yeah, Your Highness. As a matter of fact, I do. We have a safe place in the mountains up north. It’s too far a walk, but we came with speeders. We leav’em in a cave and walk up to the top of the mountain. Sand people leave 'em alone as long as we bring them parts of whatever we pick up on bounties. Anyway. We gotta get out of Mos Eisley first. They’re outside the city. That good with y’all?“**  
He purposely stared at Y/N through his helmet, and the woman shrugged, both to voice her lack of opinion and shrug the awkwardness away. She didn’t like being the center of attention.  
**“Don’t look at me like that, I take orders from him.“**  
**“’ Course you do,“** he groaned.   
Hey! What was _THAT_ supposed to mean?! But Poe didn’t say anything so the group started walking before Y/N could press the matter further.

It turned out the walk to the speeders was longer than anticipated; fifteen minutes, tops, but that was an eternity when it was so hot outside. She was glad she had chosen light clothes but the loose hair was sticking to her face and she hated that. She fell behind the group slightly, also because she didn’t want to be near Kit. Or Poe. or… Anyone, really.   
With quick and exasperated moves, she tied her hair back up, braiding it into one braid she let fall against her back.   
She was so focused on her task she hadn’t noticed Skylen and Klana getting closer to her until they were both walking by her side.  
**“Sooooo,“** Klana said, dragging the vowel. **“Who’s that?“**  
And HERE it was. The interrogation. She groaned.  
**“This is Kit.“**  
**“Oh, we had gathered that much, Duckling,“** Skylen commented. **“What Klana meant was - Maker, who is _THAT_?!“** He all but whistled lowly.  
She rolled her eyes so hard she was sure they would get stuck. Ugh. She knew it was coming, but she had hoped to catch a break.  
**“Well, uh. Remember I told you about that pilot I was seeing.“**  
**“Yeah?“**  
**“Kriffing HELL, Y/N, THAT’S your ex?!“**  
And of course, Skylen just HAD to say that loud enough to wake the dead up. By some sort of miracle, none of the others heard them and Y/N hushed him.  
**“Say that louder, will you?! Yeah, that’s, uh… Yeah.“**  
Silence. They shared a lasting look.  
**“Where did you even FIND him? Kriff, he is gorgeous. I mean, it’s not cool that he tried to kill you, but technically, he didn’t know it was you, so I guess-“**  
**“Klana.“**  
**“Sorry! Have you seen that guy?! If he has a twin, please send him my way.“**  
**“Forget that. If he has a triplet who swings the other way, please send him MY way,“** Skylen added, and both of them giggled.  
If a Krait dragon could come and swallow her, Y/N would be pretty grateful. She huffed and ignored them as they babbled. Sure, they weren’t exactly wrong. But it didn’t matter… that was in the past.

Sensing her uneasiness and probably eager to see the object of her fawning from up close, Klana caught up with the group, leaving Skylen with Y/N. For once, the pilot was silent, and his friend was grateful for it. He was observing her, though. From the corner of his eyes, he stared silently as they walked, their feet crunching against the coarse sand. Some had already made its way into her boots and she hated it. Why, oh, why did they have to go back to Tatooine? Was the universe so angry at her?  
**“I gotta say,“** Skylen spoke up again. **“I should have seen it earlier, but now, I see it crystal clear.“**  
He laughed softly and shook his head. What was so funny? What had he noticed? What was she missing? She stared at him in the hope he would speak up, and he did, after a few seconds.  
**“You SO have a type.“**  
**“Wha-“** she sneered. **“I do NOT! What do you even know about it, huh?! You’ve met ONE ex of mine, for like, five minutes, might I had. What are you talking about-“**  
**“Let’s see,“** Skylen interrupted. He repositioned his gun and once his hands were free again, started counting on his fingers.  
**“Sassy as heck. Brown hair, brown eyes, killer smile, and a hotshot pilot. Oh, let’s not forget the attitude. Rings a bell?“**  
Y/N blinked once, twice, thrice, until she realized-  
Oh, hell no. It was not like that. Not at all.  
**“I-“**  
**“Also, uh, I won’t mention it to Klana, but I saw you two, you know,“** he gestured in her direction awkwardly.  
Maker. Could she die now? She started stuttering.  
**“I- that was- we were- I was trying to create a diversion- Maker, Skylen, you’re NOT helping! That’s bullshit, by the way.“**  
She hadn’t realized they’d been walking faster until she heard Poe’s voice coming from a few meters away.  
**“Blue! Keebler! Stop bickering! Force helps me dealing with the two of you.“**  
Seriously? He was lashing out at them, now? Sure, he was tense, but there was no reason for that! Was the galaxy hell-bent on making this a shitty day for her?! She drilled a hole in his back with her glare and she hoped he could feel it. Now was not the time.  
**“We’re done with this conversation,“** she whispered-shout at Skylen, who cackled.  
**“Sure we are, Duckling.“**  
He walked away, joining Klana at the front of the group, and Y/N huffed for good measure. He could bring the child out of her in record time, and that pissed her off. In the distance, Y/N saw the speeders. Oh, sweet relief. She had never been happier to see one in her life. A busted, crappy bunch of second-hand speeders that looked like beskar steel to her. She sighed with relief and started walking faster. The sooner they were back on track with the mission, the better.  
Also, the sooner she could escape that talk with Kit she could see coming from miles away.

They reached the speeders a few moments later and Kit ordered his team around, shifting their cargo so it could accommodate the weight of more people. Y/N watched them work until she sensed someone’s presence by her side. She didn’t have to look to know who it was, she knew his breathing by heart, by now.  
Poe remained silent for a second until his curiosity got the best of him because he asked quietly:  
**“Y/N, a word?“**  
She let out a sigh he most probably heard, but she didn’t care. Why was everyone so interested in talking to her, all of a sudden?  
**“Sure,“** she groaned. They walked away by a couple of steps, and she hadn’t even fully turned toward him that he bombarded her with questions.  
**“What’s that? Who’s that? How do you know him? And can we even trust those guys? Because I sure as hell don’t think someone who sent you against a table really has your best interests at heart. Are you okay, by the way? That was a nasty hit.“**  
Her lip was still sore and she would probably have a bruise on her ribs, but she would survive. She shrugged.  
**“Maker, Poe! I’m good. One question at a time. I don’t know what’s happening either. All I know is that they’re our best chance to get you out of here. Something went wrong with the plan. I don’t know how anyone could know. But Kit’s right, with the bounty on your head? You’re in danger. So the best thing we can do is to lay low for a while, regroup, and think of a new plan.“**  
They were both painfully aware of the fact she had avoided half of the questions, and Y/N hoped badly he would let it go. But she knew better; she knew Poe better.  
Of course, he didn’t.  
He stared at her expectantly, and Y/N knew she owed him answers. Their survival was hanging in the balance and she was the one holding it by a thread.  
**“Kit is, uh. We were… He is my-“**  
**“Ex-boyfriend.“**  
They both jumped and Y/N turned around so fast she almost fell. The bounty hunter was standing right behind them, helmet under his arm. He… was annoyed. He rolled his eyes.  
**“And former first lieutenant, if you wanna be specific. Lieutenant KT-4455 of the 204th. Is that precise enough for you or are you gonna interrogate her longer?“**  
Both men stared at each other until Y/N shook her head.  
**“You know what? Let’s go. Before I decide that dying out here is less of a torture than going through _that_.“**

She settled on the speeder with Skylen, as Klana sat behind Poe. With one last look behind him, Kit opened the road, and off they went, gliding through the desert at full speed. It was the first time in hours Y/N felt at ease. The speed, the silence, it was everything she enjoyed.   
But it also meant she had time to think about the recent events. She closed her eyes behind her goggles, trying to drown the fresh memories in the whirlwind of her mind. Leaning forward like that made her ribs hurt, and she realized she had probably hit the table harder than she had thought.  
Oh, well. Served her right for what she had done to him.   
On the bright side, she was glad she had taken some goggles earlier that day. Even though Skylen was taking most of the sand in his face, shielding her with his body as they zoomed across the vast sea of yellowish grains, the rough texture still whipped at her face from time to time. But it wouldn’t be long until they stopped; the mountains were right ahead. Only a few kilometers away.

Above their heads, the two suns had started their descending course. It would still be a couple of hours until the sunset, but it was nice to know that day was coming to an end. It had been a disaster on all accounts.  
Slowly, the speeders came to a halt, engaging in a dead-end between two mountains. They were quite high, all rock and sand. They had barely jumped down that a flock of sand people made their way toward them, haggling them and screeching. Kit answered in their language and they departed with several bags of scraps. What they would use them for, Y/N didn’t know.  
Kit grabbed the rest of the supplies from his speeder and gestured for the others to do the same. With their cargos, they started their ascension. The path to the top was precarious, they had to walk it in single file. The stones beneath their feet threaten to give out several times and the rocks were getting Wobblies as they got closer to the top. If you added the fatigue caused by the sun, the trio was pretty much as close as it could get to a hike in hell.  
Okay, she might have been exaggerating.

Finally, they reached what was their destination if Kit’s reaction was any indication. They had stopped on a rocky promontory from which a cave ran deep into the rock. He grabbed a glow stick from his belt and lit it, walking further into the mountain until they couldn’t see the sky anymore. Then, he hit something, and Y/N realized it was a metallic door. He opened it, held it for her, and nodded toward the inside.  
**“Welcome to Casa Tatooine. Now come on. We don’t have all night.”**  
The group followed after him and one of the bounty hunters locked the door behind them. Y/N blinked to adjust her sight to the level of luminosity. Kit had turned on some sort of electrical system and various warm lights were lighting up across a large, single room. Said room was circular, roughly carved into the porous rock. They had installed pieces of furniture made from metal scraps; not one of them went well with the others.  
It was artisanal and Y/N loved it.  
Some tunnels had been dug, their doors lower than the height of the ceiling. There was a couch on one side, a table in the middle with a couple of dusty cushions to sit on and one wall had been turned into a weapon display. Kit immediately put it to use, storing most of his guns into premade slots.  
**“There’s a fresher in the first hallway to your right. Pipes are rusty, you might wanna hit them before you use it. Rooms are on the left. They’re not big enough to host all of us so you’re gonna have to share. Make yourself comfy while we put our stuff away. Get some rest, some water, and we will talk.”**  
That was a plan she could get on board with.  
For a moment, nobody moved, unsure of what to do. The bounty huntress rolled her eyes and walked away.  
**“Call dibs on the fresher.”**  
Klana and Poe disappeared toward the rooms, Skylen unpacked his stuff in a corner and one of the other bounty hunters put his weapons next to Kit’s. His friend busied himself with one of his blasters.  
As for Y/N... she stood there, unsure of what to do. She took off her jacket and put it on a chair, then went back to fidgeting with her locks, tying them back into two braids. She liked her hair way better this way.

From across the room, Kit observed her. It was subtle, but she could feel his gaze.  
Sensing it was a good time to strike a conversation without slipping into dangerous territory, she walked up to him.  
**“So, do you guys live on Tatooine? How did you even find that place?”**  
He chuckled, sitting on the couch. Y/N followed, making sure she wasn’t too close.  
**“Hell no. I hate sand, you know it. It’s just a place we hang out in when we’re on planet. Found it by accident when I left the Order. Was trying to get to the top of the mountain to have a look around when I stumbled upon this place. Must have belonged to some random hermit or something. I fixed up the pipes and stuff, brought a couple of things from the city. It’s nice enough. Our base is on Andooweel.”**  
That was a nice planet. Y/N nodded thoughtfully. He had made himself a nice life.  
As the silence stretched between them, he started to take off his armor. Y/N had been observant, earlier, it had belonged to a trooper. He had probably stolen it... or killed his owner.  
**“Kriff, I hate this thing. Taking it off never gets easier,”** he grumbled, and Y/N giggled as she saw him fumble with the clasps. She wiggled over to his side of the couch.  
**“Here. Let me help.”**  
Kit didn’t say anything but he didn’t try to stop her either. Instead, he just turned his head, giving her access to the mechanism below his throat. Y/N was used to First Order armor. She had worn one for so long putting it on and taking it off was second nature to her.  
She made quick work of the plastron and the shoulder pads, loosening them enough for Kit to slide out of them. He was tense and avoided looking her in the eyes. Maybe getting closer to him wasn’t a good idea. There was still a ton of stuff to unpack between them. Talk about a Bantha in the room.  
**“So, Resistance, huh? I guess I should’ve seen it coming,”** he said casually, putting his armor on a crate. Y/N snickered.  
**“Well, I can’t say I would’ve expected you to become a bounty hunter.”**  
**“Gotta work for a living. Pays better than Hux.”**  
They shared a smile.  
**“Do you still get to fly?”** She asked, and he nodded.  
**“You kiddin’? I’d shoot myself if I couldn’t. Yeah, got me a ship I saved up for. It ain’t TIE fast but I can make it work. It’s been a while since anyone was a real match to my skills anyway.”**  
Ah, cocky as always! Y/N shook her head. She wasn’t doubting him, though. He was an incredible pilot.  
**“You?”** He asked in return, and she grinned proudly.  
**“I fly with Poe. Got a spot in his squad.”**  
Kit looked at her for a second before laughing, his brown locks falling on his forehead. He pushed them back mindlessly. Funny how he still had the same tics he used to have.  
**“I’ll be damned. That’s so ironic I know Hux is turning in his grave. At least you got your hands on an X-Wing, huh? How does it compare to your ship?”**  
They started talking about ships, their specifications, the technical differences. It was a nice, safe topic, and Y/N enjoyed it. Kit had always been easy to talk to.  
She knew it wouldn’t last. The only reason they weren’t speaking of the issue was the presence of his men in the room. That, and the other, more urgent topic.  
But she couldn’t avoid the fight and she knew it.

As the two teams learned to cohabitate with the others, time passed. They shared rations, showered, drank some needed water. Half an hour later, however, the eight of them were finally together in the main room. Y/N was standing against a wall as Kit and Poe sat down at the table. The rest of them was scattered around the room, with Skylen behind Poe and the woman - Pipa, as Y/N had learned - behind Kit.  
**“Alright. I want to know about the bounty. How did you know we’d be here?”**  
Kit sighed and leaned against his chair, sitting against its back with nonchalance. He was staring at Poe, probably thinking about what he should tell him or not. His eyes met Y/N’s. He sighed and leaned forward, opening his mouth to-  
**“Wait, you sure we should tell them?”** One of his friends interrupted. **“For all we know, they could get us arrested. I don’t trust them.”**  
He turned to him and rolled his eyes.  
**“I don’t trust them either. But I do trust _her_. And if Y/N trusts them, they’re good in my book.”**  
Y/N smiled gratefully at him when their eyes met again, and he gave her a small nod.  
**“You’ve never been able to think straight when she’s brought up anyway,”** Pipa muttered. Kit flipped her off.  
**“Anyway. As I was sayin’ earlier, your signal, the one you used to contact the dude, it was flagged as Galactic Republic, Senate-grade stuff. Inside tip or something. But the guy who told me about it? He knows people. Told me someone well informed had talked about it. When I realized who that idiot was meeting with, I dropped everything and came here. Listen, I told ya, we don’t get involved with bounties like that. But that’s different. If there was a chance I could find you there, I’d take it.”**  
**“Why?”** Y/N asked. **“Why were you trying to kidnap us?”**  
Kit winced. He wasn’t comfortable with the question. He rubbed the back of his neck hard enough to turn it red.  
**“Don’t get me wrong, sweetheart, I wasn’t gonna turn y’all in. Buuut earning myself a favor from the Resistance might have been the goal here. That’s worth more than just credits.”**  
Y/N grimaced, both at the revelation and the pet name. It had been said out of habit, which was... interesting. For someone who was pissed at her, he had been quick to return to his old ways... her stomach did a flip. She wasn’t too sure how she felt about that. She caught Poe’s eyes right after, and his jaw was so tense she was pretty sure it would snap. Wow. He was PISSED.  
Kit must have realized his mistake because he looked mortified for a second before hiding his discomfort with a shrug.   
**“Doesn’t matter. I had a... change of heart. I wanna help you out. Ask me anything. I’ll tell you what I know.”**  
**“Yeah, a change of heart alright. If it wasn’t for her pretty face, we’d be two million richer by now,”** the other guy said. “ **Hope she at least gave you a good-“**  
**“HEY!”** Klana shouted. **“You don’t talk about Y/N like this, sexist mudscruffer! If you have nothing useful to say, get out.”**

Y/N didn’t even have the time to react. Klana’s anger had stopped the guy dead in his sentence, so she merely shot her a thankful look. To be honest, she had seen that coming from the moment Kit had recognized her and asked them to lower their guns in response.  
The guy huffed and looked at Kit for support but he found none. Shaking his head, he mumbled something on his way out. Kit sighed once the door was heard.  
**“Sorry ‘bout that. It’s been a rough coupla months. The Republic controls bounties, now. Less work for us. Which is why it’s so surprising to see a bounty so high.”**  
That was... a surprising effect of their win. And an upsetting one for a lot of people, she imagined. Poe rubbed his neck, embarrassed. He wasn’t a senator but Y/N knew him well enough to know he felt responsible for that. He didn’t say anything, though, he only nodded.  
**“Know anything about that?”**  
Kit shrugged. He looked at Y/N again, then back at Poe.  
**“I know what I’ve been told. Obviously, someone putting a hit on the Resistance’s poster boy wanna lay low. Words on the street are it’s either a warlord or a crazy bastard whose business your victory messed with.”**  
**“But you don’t buy that.”**  
**“Nope.”**  
Y/N frowned. If anything, Kit’s instincts were sharper than a lightsaber. If he wasn’t convinced, she trusted him.   
**“Not gonna lie. You’re not so popular around here. These people? They don’t care who comes on top. It doesn’t change anything about their lives. But none of them would be rich enough to do something about you. Heck, I don’t think anyone in the First Order got paid even half of that amount in seven years. And if they’d wanted to come after you, they would’ve done that when the galaxy was still a mess. Instead, they waited a year. You’ve got ships and men and resources. Doesn’t make sense to attack now. If they’re First Order, then they’re too dumb to be an ex-officer. Hux included.”**  
Y/N snorted. That was debatable.   
**“He’s got a point, Poe,”** Skylen said. **“And all the big guys have been captured anyway. The rest of them are hunted down and I don’t think they’d spend two million on that. Would rather pay for security.”**  
The General nodded. It would have been so easier to just get a name. He ran a hand through his hair, looking at Y/N.  
**“Who, then?”** He asked in her direction, although the question was for Kit. He shrugged.  
**“Beats me. ...But I might know a guy.”**

The hesitation in his voice got Y/N to squint. He purposely avoided her eyes.  
**“Oh I know that look,”** she said. **“You always make that face when you’ve gotten involved in some shady stuff. Who’s the guy?”**  
He groaned as Pipa snorted.  
**“She knows you well.”**  
He mumbled something and the woman stepped forward.  
**“He’s not gonna say it because he doesn’t wanna look like a dumbass. But there’s a guy on Andooweel. A Devaronian. Mob boss. Runs the shady businesses around the sector. They took over after the fall of the Order. He’s the head of the Crimson Cross.”**  
Skylen cursed loudly and everyone turned to him.  
**“I know those bastards. They blew up one of our own a couple of months ago,”** he hissed in anger. **“Been wanting to get back at them for a while. That guy ranks top five on the most hated list of the Resistance.“**  
Uh oh. That wasn’t good. If they were willing to attack openly, then they weren’t scared of the Republic.  
**“Yeah, well, Kit’s best buds with him,”** Pipa piped up again. Said man groaned loudly.   
**“I am NOT! I played Sabacc with him ONCE!”** He hissed in anger. Y/N rolled her eyes.  
**“Seriously? Cozying up to mobsters now?”**  
**“Sweetheart, you were best pals with a Sith Lord for four years. You might wanna sit this one out,”** he deadpanned. Ah, so it had started.  
…He did have a point, though.

 **“Doesn’t matter. He is the one who spread the word about the bounty. If anyone knows who’s the client? It’s him.”**  
Poe looked at his team and nodded.  
**“Then let’s ask him.”**  
Kit winced and Y/N could smell trouble from a hyperspace jump away.  
**“Yeah... might not be that easy. He knows I don’t take bounties like that. He’ll never speak to me. He doesn’t talk to strangers either. You only get a meeting if he knows who you are. Monitored every move of anyone important around the galaxy for years. If he doesn’t know you? You’re not worth it.”**  
...That made things more complicated.   
They fell silent. Y/N could hear the cogs in Poe’s head turning. They had to get this piece of information, somehow. Maybe someone could weasel their way in? Pose as an ex-  
…Wait a second.  
A dreadful thought crossed her mind and Y/N felt the blood rushing away from her face. She stared in the distance with empty eyes as she realized they, indeed, had a way in.  
And the mere thought of it made her stomach churn.  
But unfortunately for her, she still knew Kit… and he still knew her well enough to realize how ghastly she looked.  
**“Y/N? You okay?“**  
All eyes were on her. She felt a lump in her throat and her chest felt heavy. She hated this. She hated this.  
But when she looked at Poe, she realized there wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do to help him out. So, she stepped forward.  
**“You said… you said he knows everyone. Everyone important. He knew who everyone was during the war too?“**  
**“Yeah, I’d think so. Why?“** He asked carefully. Y/N closed her eyes for a second. Her mouth was dry. Getting the words out was pure torture. It was like opening a fresh wound with a rusty, burning vibroblade.  
Somehow, it was just that.  
**“So he knew who was who in the Order.“**  
Kit only nodded. He didn’t say anything. But in his eyes, something shifted. Warily, he leaned forward and frowned.  
**“What are you suggesting?“** He asked. Softly. Too softly. He had already guessed correctly.  
**“If… Let’s say I-if… Maker. If the Captain of the most famous squadron in the First Order came knocking at his door. He would grant us a meeting, right?“**  
Kit stared into her eyes. So intensely she felt like he was probing her soul.   
**“…Yes.“**  
Good. That was… good.  
**“And if, if she… If I… if I showed up in my armor. Would he be willing to talk business?“**

His jaw dropped as he finally put the last piece of the puzzle in place.  
**“…Fucking Hell. You didn’t burn it.“**  
She shook her head no.  
**“I couldn’t. I hid it. Right here. On Tatooine.“**  
Kit actually _gasped_.  
As everyone else just stared, confused.  
**“What the heck are you two saying?“** Skylen butted in. Y/N could feel Poe’s eyes burning a hole in her back as she turned to him.  
**“I’m saying it’s me. I’m our way in. I will get us an audience. And make him talk, whatever it takes.“**  
There. She had said it. Captain Thunderbird was making a return.  
She hated the thought. That role she had played, for so long, that character she had turned herself into, had so much blood on her hands she was drowning in it.  
But she would do it.  
For Poe.  
Because there was nothing she wouldn’t do for Poe Dameron.  
Silence, again. That damn silent. She would have preferred screams, cries of outrage, heated discussions. But no. They were all silent. Kit cursed and rubbed his hands on his face.   
**“There’s still an issue, though,“** Poe finally said. She turned to him. He was staring at her with a blank face, but she could see… curiosity? Determination? In his eyes.  
**“When you talked to me about your missions, you told me nobody knew who you were. You’ve always kept your face hidden. Which means he will want proof of your identity, right? You could have stolen that armor.“**  
…He was right.  
**“I have the blade, too. The one Kylo gifted me. But it’s true that without my code cylinder, it’d be harder to prove who I am. Even with Kit vouching for me. I could have stolen the blade too.“**  
She opened her mouth to add something but was interrupted by someone coughing. She slowly turned to Kit, who was staring at the ground by her feet. He sighed deeply, pinched the bridge of his nose, and slipped his hand in his undershirt. Y/N frowned and watched in silence as he produced a chain from which was dangling-  
Wait.  
He took the chain off and made it slide out of the pendant. Then, he sent said pendant rolling on the table in her direction with a metallic cling. It stopped in front of her, wobbling for a second before staying still. Y/N stared in a stupor.  
**“That’s… Is that…?“**  
**“Your code cylinder. Yeah.“**  
He had kept it? For all those years?  
**“Why?“**  
**“Because it’s the only damn thing I had left of you,“** he seethed.  
  
…Yeah. He was still pissed.  
Y/N picked it up from the table and put it in her jacket’s pocket. She didn’t want to look at it.  
“Kit-“  
**“Don’t bother. We will have that talk LATER. For now, I’m gonna call someone and see when we can see Gideon. You get that armor of yours. We’ll regroup here. He hosts parties on the regular. I have a plan to get you all in along with us. I trust you’re okay with me doing my own thing for a bit?“** He said to Poe. The General nodded. Kit threw the keys to the speeders to him.  
**“The suns set in about two hours. You need to get back before they’re fully gone. You’ll freeze out there. You two, with me,“** he said to his friends. Pipa and the other bounty hunter left the room, following Kit who purposely didn’t look in Y/N’s direction as he walked past her.  
The room became silent again. She slumped on a chair and let out a long sigh. That day needed to end.  
**“I, uh. Sorry you had to see that. I’d hoped to talk to him before he snapped.“**  
She massaged her temples for a second before pulling herself together. She couldn’t think about that now. They needed to get moving. She grabbed her jacket from the chair and put it on.  
**“The armor is hidden in a village, a few kilometers west of Mos Eisley. From where we are, it’ll probably take us half an hour to get there, another one to come back. We’ll be back here before the suns reach the horizon.“**  
Klana put a reassuring hand on her shoulder and squeezed.   
**“It’s not your fault how he’s feeling, Y/N,“** she whispered as Poe and Skylen engaged in a conversation about Finn and what to tell him. Y/N chuckled sadly.  
**“It kind of is. I broke his heart, Klana.“**  
**“He is a big boy. He’ll survive.“**  
He would. But that wasn’t the problem.

The two men discussed for a moment longer before they turned back to the two women. Poe stood up.  
**“Alright. One of us will need to call Finn with the secured transponder to fill him in. Tell him we’re not dead. Another one of us will have to get back to the ship. Pay for more nights, and get some weapons from the trunk. And-“**  
**“Poe?“**  
He perked up, looking in her direction, waiting for her to speak. Y/N shook her head.  
**“I need you to come with me. I can’t do that alone.“**  
If “surprise“ was a person, Y/N was pretty sure Poe’s face would represent it perfectly. He blinked a couple of times, before clearing his throat.  
**“Of course. If that’s… what you want. Uh. Klana, you call Finn. Skylen, you get to the ship. We’ll be back tonight. If Kit tries anything funny-“**  
**“I’ll kick his ass,“** Skylen interrupted, matter-of-factly. He winked in Y/N’s direction, and despite how upset she was, she couldn’t help but giggle.  
**“Go for his left leg. I shoot him there once, and he still suffers from it sometimes.“**  
**“Noted, Duckling.“**  
With a grateful look in his direction, she and Poe followed after the bounty hunters, closing the door behind them.

Fortunately, the universe had decided to spare her from the awkward meeting outside on the promontory. None of them were anywhere in sight. Perhaps this place was bigger than she had thought. Regardless, she didn’t stick around to find out; she started walking down the rocky path, careful not to step on a loose rock that would send her down the hill faster than an X-Wing could fly.  
Poe was silent. He hadn’t said a word since they had left the room. Y/N knew he was thinking. And she knew him well enough to know he wanted to say something but didn’t know how.  
**“You can speak, you know. I’m fine,“** she finally said. She made a point to look forward, even though the path was now large enough for him to be walking by her side. Instead, she focused on the scenery in front of her. The two burning balls in the sky were painting the desert in nuanced shades of pink and orange. It was subtle enough to go unnoticed to someone who didn’t know the planet, but Y/N knew it. All too well, perhaps.  
**“Are you sure about that? That was rough,“** he answered after a moment. Y/N snickered, earning herself a confused look.  
**“Oh, actually, I’m surprised it went that well. The worst is yet to come. He’s keeping his cool for now, because he has a mission. But it won’t last. He is too angry at me.“**  
Rightfully so.  
**“You never talk about him. What happened?“**  
She kicked some pebble away with her feet. It was unnecessary, but it felt good.  
**“I left.“**  
**“That’s it?“**  
**“I left without a note. After three years and a half together.“**  
Silence.  
**“Kriff.“**  
She laughed unwillingly. His reaction had been so spontaneous, and so on point.  
**“Yeah, Kriff indeed. Pretty sure if I had stayed, we would be married by now.“**  
She was expecting a snarky comment as an answer, but Poe stayed silent. She sneaked a glance in his direction. He was looking at her with an unreadable expression on his face. She nodded, prompted him to speak up.  
**“Never would have pegged you for the type. I mean, I don’t mean-“**  
Y/N laughed at how embarrassed he was all of a sudden, probably realizing how offensive it could be. She shook her head and stopped. The speeders were just a few meters down, now.  
**“It’s okay. I understand. And you’re wrong. I love weddings. Funny, isn’t it? I used to think about it. Kit and I getting married after the war. Then I realized I’m not exactly the kind of woman you bring home to your parents. I got four years of questionable activity.“**  
Poe laughed and pointed at her playfully.  
**“That’s bullshit. I’m pretty confused, though. Who would you have asked to walk you down the aisle? Hux?“**  
She joined him and laughed, doubling over in laughter.  
**“Maker! Can you IMAGINE?! Oh, no. I could picture him with a rose on his vest.“**  
She wiped tears off the corners of her eyes as Poe managed to calm down. It took them a second to stop laughing. They started walking again, and Y/N hesitated. She wanted to ask him a question, too, but wasn’t sure it was appropriate.  
And then she remembered he had almost carried her drunk to her room and thought better of it.  
**“Did you ever think about it? Settling down after the war?“**  
For a moment, he was silent, and Y/N was afraid she had offended him. Offending Poe - that would have been an accomplishment in itself. But instead, he smiled.  
**“I guess? There were days when thinking about what could be was the only thing that kept us going. I thought about it. Then I realized as you said… This kind of life? Not exactly for the likes of us. It’d take someone really open-minded to be able to handle being married to me. And I’m technically a veteran with thousands of kills under his belt. Not the kind of thing you bring up to a family dinner.“**  
Y/N chuckled and finally stepped off the mountain, getting closer to the speeders. There were no sand people in sight. Good. She didn’t speak their language and didn’t fancy shooting one down to get out of the canyon.  
**“I disagree. If I ever have a kid and they bring home a man like you? Then I’d know I raised them right.“**  
  
He laughed but rubbed the back of his neck. Whoops, he was embarrassed. It looked like Poe Dameron was, after all, awkward with a certain type of compliments, too!  
**“I don’t know about that. And you’re just saying that because you want a raise.“**  
Okay, she would let him have this one. He tossed her the keys to the speeder and she sat on it, starting it up.  
**“Is it working?“**  
**“Mildly.“**  
She was still laughing when she put her goggles on and pulled her scarf up. With a nod, she told Poe she was ready and they sped forward, out of the mountains and into the desert.   
The journey to the village was pretty uneventful. They didn’t cross paths with anyone. No creature, no human, nothing in between. The only sounds they could hear was the soft humming of the speeders gliding across the never-ending desert. Some ships would fly above their heads, headed for the atmosphere. They would shrink, turning into a tiny dot in the distance before eventually vanishing. Y/N remembered how she had been one of them all those years ago.  
She also remembered the star destroyer looming over Mos Eisley, a black mass in the distance. She was glad the sky was free of that, that day.  
It had also been a while since she had last ridden a speeder. It was… strange. She preferred spaceships but enjoyed it nonetheless. It could go quite fast, she controlled it very precisely and was so close to the ground and the engine it felt like she was one with it.  
Strange, indeed.  
As they got closer to their destination, Y/N turned right, headed for the small village. It wasn’t too far from the city. She just hoped it hadn’t been pillaged. And if it had, she prayed they hadn’t found the secret stash.   
No, she couldn’t think about that. 

After a few more minutes on the familiar path, the village came into view. Swept by the desert winds and the sand it carried, the dome-shaped houses were light yellow, now. Some of them had their feet buried in sand, which indicated nobody had been here in a while.  
Y/N slowed her bike down and stopped it right in front of the last house before the canyon. It was exactly as she remembered it to be. There was still a hole in the wall made by some kid from one of the other houses. He had stolen his dad’s blaster and was playing with it. This had earned him an earful from both Ada and Ectel as well as his parents. They had received a gift as an excuse.   
Y/N took off her goggles and pulled down her scarf. She knew they didn’t have much time, but she couldn’t help and linger outside, sitting on her speeder. This was… the only home she had ever known. It wasn’t hers, but it was enough.  
Sand screeched under Poe’s boots as he got off his speeder and approached hers. He stopped by her side. His hair was a mess and he shook it softly, making sand snow on his shoulders.  
**“Was this your home?“**  
**“Yeah. It belonged to Ectel and Ada. That’s where I stayed before they drafted me. I came back when I left, but they’d moved out. The people here all left for the city. It’s been abandoned for years. I’m surprised Jawas or sand people didn’t destroy it stone by stone.“**  
Poe nodded and shifted his weight from one leg to the other, clearly hesitating, as Y/N jumped off her speeder.  
**“I can wait outside if you want. I don’t want to, uh…“**  
She shook her head and smiled softly.  
**“It’s okay. You can come in. It’s just… weird. This is the only thing I have from my past, and it’s not even really mine.“**  
She cocked her head to the side, thinking about it for a moment. She chuckled softly.  
**“Never took anyone here either.“**  
Funny how of all people, Poe would be the first one to visit this place. Sure, she had invited him. But that was because she was comfortable having him around. This house had seen innocent Y/N, back when she was still a young woman who had (supposedly) never wronged anyone. Killed anyone. This version of her was dead and buried, and she didn’t like when people sneaked a peek into her past. It showed them just how badly she had changed.  
Somehow, she wasn’t scared of that with Poe.  
**“Not even Kit?“** He asked nonchalantly. She stopped for a second. Why was he curious about that?  
**“…No. I never asked him to.“**

She squared her shoulders and walked in.  
There was sand inside, not much, but enough to show Y/N nobody had come in for a while. Perhaps even since she had left the place. The main room was empty, save from some voluminous items the two women had left behind for practical reasons. There was a carved Eopie by the kitchen table. Made from rock, it had been sculpted by Ada years ago. It had probably fallen from their bag as they left. She picked it up and put it on the table. She didn’t know why.   
Y/N could still see the three of them sitting at the table, eating soup as they talked about their day. Hear the Eopies in the distance as they groaned quietly.   
Life was simple, but it had been good.  
She felt Poe’s hand on her back, gently getting her attention. She turned to him. He had stayed quiet until now.  
**“You okay?“**  
She gave him a firm nod.  
**“Yes. Come on. The box is hidden under the Eopie’s food tank. That was their secret stash. Hopefully, nobody found it.“**  
With determined steps, she crossed the room, exiting through the backdoor. Then, instead of turning right down the stairs and to the rooms, she turned left, leaving the house and entering the Eopies’ pen.  
On the other side of it, their food tank. Y/N sighed in relief upon seeing it unbroken. It could have been moved and put back into place, but what kind of looter would go to that length?  
When she reached it, she stepped forward to push it, but Poe beat her to it.  
**“Let me. You took a nasty hit to your chest and your hand is still healing.“**  
She nodded. As much as she hated relying on someone, he was right. And she knew he was genuinely concerned, not just being sexist.  
He pushed the tank against the fence, revealing a box buried underneath. Y/N couldn’t help but smile.  
**“It’s still here!“**  
Thank the Maker for that. She hurriedly dropped to her knees and opened it-  
Finding the blade exactly how she had left it.  
She closed the lid immediately.  
**“Y/N? Is something-“**  
**“It’s… here. Let’s go.“**  
Poe didn’t say anything. She was grateful for it. The last thing she wanted was to have to explain herself.

They pulled the crate out of its cache and walked back to the speeders in silence. Poe tied it to the back of Y/N’s bike and in less than five minutes, they were on their way back.   
Y/N had the unsettling feeling she was carrying a bomb of some sort. Perhaps it was one, in some ways. What would they think when they would see her wearing it? This had been the pinnacle of her time in the Order. The starkest symbol of her allegiance to the Knight of Ren. A physical testimony of what she had done.  
She was suddenly glad Rey wasn’t with them for this mission. She would have hated for her to see it. It would, undoubtedly, remind her of the Knights, and Kylo.  
Somehow, the trip back to the base felt incredibly short. Perhaps it was the irony that the worse was yet to come; she had made it through her trip down memory lane, but her talk with Kit was right around the corner.   
When they parked their speeders, Y/N noticed one of them had been moved, which meant Skylen was already back. Good. With less than an hour to spare before the suns set, they were right on time. Things were starting to fall into place. She just hoped it would continue like that.

When they finally stepped into the base after a quick walk to the top of the mountain, Y/N tensed. But Kit was nowhere to be seen. Her friends were talking to the bounty hunters, and Skylen was even playing Sabacc with Pipa. That guy could befriend a Wampa.   
**“Did you find it?“**  
She gave a firm nod in Klana’s direction and put the box down next to the couch. Then, she frowned.  
**“Where is Kit?“**  
Klana nodded to her left, toward a hallway she hadn’t seen yet.   
**“Kitchen.“**  
Well. At least it was a secluded area.  
Perfect.  
She did NOT look forward to it. But she had to.   
As Poe was whisked away by Klana - something about Finn needing him to call him back - she took a deep breath and followed after Kit.  
The hallway, dug in the stone, was more humid than the main room. The stone was sweating and it covered its surface with a shiny-like finish. It took a hairpin turn right and Y/N followed it as the light decreased. It wasn’t very well-lit and she almost walked into the wall.  
Then, after a few seconds, she emerged into what was called the kitchen. It was really a storage room, filled with various crates. Probably half the size of the main room, it looked smaller due to the mess. Kit was bent over one of the boxes and was looking for something. From what Y/N could see, it was full of ammunition. He didn’t turn around when she came in, likely recognizing her footsteps. Y/N leaned against a wall and waited for him to say something.   
He didn’t.  
Well. Off to a good start.  
**“We found it. Right where I had left it. How did things go with your contact?“**  
Finally, he turned toward her, leaning against his side of the wall, arms and feet crossed.  
**“Gideon has a party tomorrow. We’re in luck. It’s held in one of his clubs. One of the questionable ones. Guns allowed and everything. That’s good news for us. I can get us all in.“**  
**“How?“**  
**“I’ll come with you. I’m your way in. Will tell him you asked for an audience. Dameron and your bearded friend will pose as death troopers. I’ve got two armors they can use. I won’t be too suspicious. You’re supposed to be the Order’s finest, in a galaxy that hates your guts. Wouldn’t be too surprising to see you with guards.“**  
True.  
**“The rest of my men and your lady friend will be outside and watch over the entrances. Don’t wanna be surprised in case something goes wrong.“**  
Sounded like a plan.

They stayed silent for a moment. Kit was looking at her, unmoving, his arms still crossed, waiting.  
She KNEW she had to take the first step. She was the one who had started this mess.  
Y/N sighed. It was going to be messy. If anything, Kit was more hot-headed on the regular that she could ever be in her worst moments.  
**“Go ahead, Kit. Ask me. I know you want to.“**  
He huffed and pursed his lips.  
**“You really wanna do that now, Y/N?“**  
No. HELL no. But they had to.  
**“It’s as good a day as any,“** she shrugged casually - had least, she hoped so. She knew herself well enough to be sure it had appeared awkward.  
He nodded thoughtfully. As he looked down, searching for his words, his hair fell on his eyes. He looked better like this, with longer hair, and his short beard.  
But that was beside the point.  
**“Why? Why exactly did you leave?“**  
Yeah… She was expecting the question. It didn’t mean she had a good answer.  
**“It… wasn’t your fault. I just had to leave-“**

He laughed.  
Okay. That, she wasn’t expecting.  
**“Oh, no, Y/N. You don’t get to tell me that. I’ve waited THREE YEARS to get an answer. You’re NOT getting out of this with that kind of bullshit. Was it Ren? Did he threaten you? Was it Hux? Snoke? Huh?“**  
It would have been way easier if she had been threatened. Kit was already getting angry. She could feel him fuming from across the room. For now, he was keeping his voice down. But he had been angry at her for years and that wouldn’t last.  
She grimaced.  
**“No, they didn’t.“**  
**“They didn’t,“** he repeated. He chuckled humorlessly. Y/N had the unpleasant impression she had been called in a meeting to be grilled for ten minutes straight.   
…She did deserve it.  
**“So, care to tell me why the FUCK you left, in the middle of the night, without so much as a NOTE? For fuck’s sake, Y/N! You didn’t even LEAVE ME A NOTE! Do you have ANY idea how worried I was when I found your room empty? Oh, yeah, because I’m the one who found the video for Ren,“** he added when she opened her mouth. Her blood ran cold.  
Oh, no.  
**“I’m the one who had to tell him you had deserted. I’m the one who told the kriffing LEADER OF THE KNIGHTS OF REN his own soldier had betrayed him. I gave him your video. He took a few minutes to watch it. And when he came back? I’d NEVER seen him so angry in my entire life. He trashed the ENTIRE ROOM, named me leader in your place, and sent me and the team after you. On the KRIFFING SPOT, Y/N. I didn’t know about it. He didn’t know. There was NOTHING that could’ve given me a heads up. NOTHING. So WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LEAVE?!“**  
**“BECAUSE I COULDN’T DO IT ANYMORE!“**  
She screamed, realizing slightly too late she had been loud enough for everyone in the other room to hear. Well. Too late. She didn’t care anyway.   
**“I couldn’t even LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, Kit! Do you have ANY IDEA WHAT IT’S LIKE? To come home EVERY SINGLE DAY and spend a KRIFFING HOUR washing blood off your hands? Blood that shouldn’t have been spilled? Blood I SPILLED because HE had asked me to?! Do you have ANY IDEA how much I hated myself? How much I hated myself for being so good at it?! No, you kriffing DON’T! I’m not like you! I’ve NEVER been a soldier! I was dragged into this mess when YOU chose it! YOU joined the ranks! YOU applied for the 204th! You might’ve been able to forget every damn pilot you killed but I NEVER COULD!“**  
**“SERIOUSLY?! You think I didn’t care? You think I never woke up in the middle of the night screaming because I could see their faces?! You think because I asked to join the unit, I WANTED it?! You think I liked having blood on my hands?!“**  
No. No, that wasn’t what she-  
**“I HATE the Order, Y/N! I fucking HATED Ren, I HATED Hux. I HATED living on a damn star destroyer. But I stayed. I fucking STAYED. And you wanna know why? Because of YOU! I stayed because I KNEW that if I was there, someone would have your back. I stayed because I KRIFFING LOVED YOU, DAMMIT!“**  
He had… He- no. Did he want to leave the 204th? Was he lying? Was he…  
He wasn’t. She knew he wasn’t.  
Her anger flared down instantly, but his didn’t. If anything, she had pissed him off even more.  
**“You know what happened after you left?! He sent us after you. When we lost your trail on Tatooine two days later, he brought us all back. And since he FUCKING KNEW about the two of us, he interrogated me.“**  
…No. No. He hadn’t… Please, he hadn’t…  
**“Well, actually, he tore everything from my mind as he probed it with his damn Force powers. Wanna know what happens when a Sith Lord probes your mind and you try to shut him out? Do you have ANY IDEA what kind of pain it causes, huh? How much you want to DIE? You know what? Let’s ask Dameron. Because HE FUCKING KNOWS WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE TORTURED BY KYLO REN.“**  
Yes. Yes, Poe knew. Y/N felt sick. What had she done?   
She wanted to speak, to say something, anything, but Kit beat her to it again.  
**“When he had ripped every single piece of information from my head, he decided I was worth more to him alive than dead. Hux appointed me as the new leader, and he sent us after you. Do you have ANY IDEA what it’s like, Y/N? To wake up every day, to get into your ship and PRAY to whatever fucking God there is out here that today will NOT be the day you find the love of your life and have to put a fucking blaster shot through her brains? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT’S LIKE? What the HELL DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!“**

What the hell, indeed? She shook her head.  
**“I’m sorry, Kit. I thought if I left without saying anything to anyone, then Ren would leave you alone. I thought he would focus on me. I only wanted to protect you-“**  
**“Well that worked out just fucking perfectly, didn’t it?“**  
Hey! That wasn’t her fault! That wasn’t fair! As much as she had blamed herself, she also had time to think. What Ren was doing was HIS choice. She had no part in that. And blaming her for that was not fair. She frowned and took a step forward angrily.  
**“And how was I supposed to know that?! What was I supposed to do, huh? What would YOU have done in my place?“**  
**“I would NEVER have left you! NEVER! You think I wasn’t fucking serious when I told you I would go to hell and back for you?! I would have come with you, dammit! You only had to ask!“**  
**“I DIDN’T WANTED YOU TO!“**  
Silence.  
He stared at her in silence, and somehow, it felt louder than any of his screams.   
**“There you go. Took you long enough,“ he chuckled darkly.**

_Poe pushed the door open as he stepped in the base. He rubbed his forehead with a sigh. Of course, Finn wanted to talk to him, and rub in his face that Rey should have come with them. But he wasn’t afraid for his safety. Sure, the bounty was inconvenient. But it was nothing he hadn’t seen before. What bothered him was how his soldiers had to be the baits._  
_Especially Y/N, who would be on the frontline. He knew it was asking a lot of her to do this. Except he hadn’t asked - she had offered. He didn’t know if he should be impressed or shake his head._  
_He only heard the voices after he had reached the room. Listening in carefully, he recognized Y/N’s voice instantly, and then - Kit’s._  
_Uh-oh._  
_Walking toward the source of the ruckus, he was quickly stopped by Skylen, who had just walked out of the rooms’ hallway._  
**_“Don’t, Poe. Seriously. That’s not a fight you want to get in the middle of.“_ **  
**_“I just want to-“_ **  
**_“She’ll be fine. Come on. We left them the room. We’re over there. Pipa and Torro and telling us about the plan and Gideon. They’ll join us when they’re done.“_ **  
_Poe sent a look toward the hallway and shook his head._  
**_“Fine. But if he does anything-“_ **  
**_“He won’t. You’ve seen the way he looks at her? He wouldn’t even break a hair from her head.“_ **  
_Poe pursed his lips. Yeah, well, maybe he could learn to get a hint, then, because she surely wasn’t interested._  
_Was she?_  
_Oh, kriff. What if she was and he hadn’t noticed-_  
**_“Hah. You should see your face. Funny, she pulled the same one when we told her about Zorii.“_ **  
_Poe turned around faster than he should have._  
**_“What does that- I don’t know what you’re talking about. I have a right to be concerned for the health of my pilots, don’t I?“_ **  
**_“Sure. The fact that he is so good-looking and they have history doesn’t have anything to do with your level of interest.“_ **  
_He groaned._  
**_“You know what? You were saying something about the mission? Let’s go and see what it’s about. I’m sure they’ll be fine. They’re grown adults, they can deal with their issues.“_ **  
_Skylen was still chuckling as he walked past him._

  
Wait. Wait- no! That wasn’t… that wasn’t what she meant! At least, not like THAT!  
Before she could try and correct herself, he left his spot on the wall and walked away angrily. Y/N practically had to run to catch up to him, but the sharp turn of the hallway wasn’t helping.  
They reached the main room before she could stop him. Y/N was mortified and-  
Wait. It was empty. Where was anyone?  
It wasn’t her main concern right now.  
**“HEY! You DON’T get to walk away out of THIS argument!“** She screamed. This caught his attention. He turned on his feet, eyes sending lightning bolts in her direction. She knew she had to choose her next words carefully. So, she tried to center herself, speaking up as calmly as she could, even if the result was mediocre at best.  
**“Kit, that’s not-“**  
**“Oh, don’t you even fucking try to talk yourself out of this one. You know, for years, I tried to convince myself it wasn’t that. I should’ve known.“**  
**“WILL YOU SHUT UP FOR A SECOND, MAKER FUCKING DAMMIT?!“**  
He blinked, stunned into silence. Y/N rarely cursed. But she was angry. No, scratch that - she was furious. He was right to be angry at her - but he could scream AFTER she was done explaining her side of the story.  
**“I didn’t ask you to come because I didn’t want to put you in danger, Kit! Because a life of exile, running from a Sith Lord who has it out for you is HELL! Do you know how many times I moved from the time I left to the day Ren died? Fifty. In two years. I moved FIFTY times. I had half-guessed you were after me. I know HE was. I was on Tatooine, you know. When he raided the planet. I saw those people die because of ME. That’s not a life I wanted for you.“**  
**“You don’t GET to make those kinds of calls! Seriously, Y/N? Who the HELL made you think you could decide for me? I wouldn’t have cared!“**  
**“WELL, I DID!“**  
Something broke behind her. A glass, probably. Maybe someone had dropped it. She didn’t turn around to check and the sound barely registered in her mind.  
She was angry. And she was tired. Why couldn’t he just SEE her point? Just listen? Why couldn’t he be like Poe-  
…No. Not now.  
She shook her head.  
**“There’s a difference between deserting and betraying. I didn’t just leave. I did worse than that. And I never told you because I didn’t know-“**  
**“If this is the part where you tell me you were working with the Resistance, you can save your breath,“** he said, rolling his eyes.  
…Wait. He knew?

Her face must have said it all because he simply shrugged.  
**“You’re a good liar, Y/N. But you’ve never been able to lie to me. I followed you, that night. When you left in the middle of the night to meet with the rebels, I followed you. Shouldn’t have kissed me before you got out of bed, it woke me up. I’ve known for years. I never said anything because it wasn’t my business. You would’ve told me if you wanted me to know. But who do you think covered for you when Hux found the portable storage unit in one of your uniforms? Who do you think swapped them, huh? Think it was an accident?“**  
She stared at him, dumbfounded. He had known? All this time?  
**“Did- did Kylo…“**  
**“Oh, he saw that alright in my head. But since I wasn’t entirely sure you weren’t doing that because he had asked you to, he didn’t kill me for not saying anything.“**  
Lucky him. She still shook her head.  
**“It wouldn’t have changed anything. I still couldn’t risk it.“**  
**“And I’m telling you it wasn’t your damn choice to make.“**  
**“Oh, well, guess what, I MADE IT! What’re you gonna do about it, Kit?!“**  
He clenched his teeth. Oh, how did he like that, the conversation turning on him, huh?! Y/N took another step forward.  
**“Don’t go there. Seriously,“** he warned. Any other day, Y/N would have listened. She would have listened if only to spare her friends from hearing what would inevitably follow: them learning who she truly was. Certainly not the kind, caring woman they had learned to know.  
**“Oh, no, go ahead. By ALL MEANS, say what you think. You’ve ALWAYS prided yourself with honesty. So come on, let me have it.“**  
He stared at her for a second too long. He was thinking about it, and Y/N braced herself for whatever was coming.  
**“You’re selfish. And you’re a traitor, Y/N. And I don’t mean you betrayed the Order. I don’t give a damn about that. No, you’re a traitor to yourself. You betrayed your morals. I always loved how true to yourself you were. Guess that was a lie, too, wasn’t it? And that makes you a coward. Because you didn’t have the backbone to come clean before you left.“**  
He chuckled, again. Y/N couldn’t speak up. She only stared into his dark eyes, waiting for her sentence. She couldn’t look away.  
**“You have no idea how much I regret falling in love with you. Because, dammit, you’ve always been just like the rest of them.“**

 _Wow_.  
Off all the things he could say... he had to go there.  
A single tear fell down her cheek.  
**“How dare you?”**  
It was barely a whisper, but somehow, it had more of an impact than any of her screams. Kit was glued to the spot.  
**“Maybe I’m selfish. But I think I earned the right to be, for once in my life. And I’d rather be a traitor than have your death on my conscience. Because yeah, I left. I didn’t ask you to come, for selfish reasons. It’s okay if you hate me for it. At least you’re still alive.”**  
She took a step back. She had to get out of here. Her eyes fell on a hallway Kit hadn’t told them about. She would take her chances with it.  
**“I’m sorry for the pain I caused you, Kit. But I’m not sorry for what I did. And you don’t get to say I never cared. I loved you so much.”**  
Y/N shook her head and all but ran out of the room, headed for the hallway to her right. On the way, she saw broken glass. What a good analogy for her heart. If she couldn’t fix things with Kit who had been so accepting of her dark years, what chance did she have to be loved by someone who couldn’t understand?  
He called after her but she didn’t turn around. There was nothing left to say anyway.   
Next time, she would stay on Kuat.

_Poe had had his fair share of arguments - with Zorii, too. She didn’t hold back. Never did._  
_But that was something else._  
_The stone around them muffled their voices when they talked at a normal level. Occasionally, one of them would speak louder and they would hear._  
_When he had heard the glass breaking, Poe had jumped to his feet and Klana had to physically sit him back down to stop him from barging in here. As for the three bounty hunters, they had shrugged it off._  
_Poe had learned they were all ex First Order. One of them - Torro - was a pilot. Pipa and the other one (Poe didn’t like that one) were both ex stormtroopers. Around their game of Sabacc, they had talked. About Finn, firstly, since he was THE most infamous deserter. And then, about their own experiences. They weren’t bad people. If you forgot they had tried to capture them earlier._  
_Even though the discussions were pleasant, Poe couldn’t focus. He kept trying to hear bribes of the conversation, no matter how rude that was. And he kept losing his round. Torro was going to steal all of his money._  
_**“Maker, good thing you’re a better pilot than you are a Sabacc player because you’d’ve lost the war,“** he commented. Skylen cackled, and Poe rolled his eyes._  
**_“Yeah, yeah. You’re just lucky, that’s it.“_**  
_A huge crash came from the other room, and this time, all of them perked up. Pipa rose to her feet, gesturing for them to stay still. She tiptoed to the hallway and came back a few seconds later, walking casually._  
**_“No blood on the walls and they’re both gone. I’m honestly surprised she didn’t shoot him. I know I would have.“_**  
_**“What was that sound?“** Klana asked. Yeah. What _WAS _that sound? Pipa shrugged._  
_“ **Kit kicked a crate on his way out. That boy has a temper, I’m telling ya. Anyway. We should let him cool off. I’ll check up on him later.“**_  
**_“Oh, that’s a BAD idea. You know how he gets. Leave him to shoot some loth cats in the desert. He’ll come back.“_**  
_Pipa winced but nodded._  
**_“Right… Okay, anyone up for some food? We got rations in the kitchen. Might as well go back to the main room. Your friend’s on the balcony, and Kit is outside, they won’t mind.“_**  
_They started chatting again happily as they moved to the other room. Poe stood up, but Klana stopped him from following them. He frowned, but she nodded toward Skylen who was a few meters away. They waited until everyone was gone. Klana turned to the pilot, arms crossed on her chest. She had been strangely quiet all evening, and Poe knew she was worried._  
**_“You should go check up on her.“_**  
_Who? Him? Wasn’t that a womanly thing? Was he even qualified for that? He was NOT exactly good at giving relationship advice._  
_…And his track record when it came to his exes wasn’t exactly worthy of admiration either._  
**_“I’m not sure she wants to see me right now, Klana. You should go.“_**  
_She ROLLED her eyes._  
_At him._  
_The audacity!_  
**_“You’re an idiot, General. I don’t think there’s anyone she would rather see right now. Beside BeeBee, because he is just too cute and he would cheer her up without even trying.“_**  
_Poe groaned._  
**_“Okay, seriously, you need to stop fueling his ego. He is enjoying himself way too much. He has gotten cocky.“_**  
**_“And you haven’t?“_**  
_He deadpanned and she snickered._  
**_“Okay, okay. Sorry. But seriously, you should go. I’m worried about her. She hasn’t been acting like herself lately. I tried talking to her, but...”_**  
_She shook her head._  
_**“Do you know why?”** He asked. Klana hesitated. She bit her lip, opened her mouth, but thought better of it._  
**_“I’m not sure. But I know she isn’t exactly her own biggest fan. She doesn’t show it when we’re working, but you know how she gets. She has a bad case of impostor syndrome.”_**  
_Yes. He did know that. He knew all too well how hard it was to feel under-qualified. It was difficult enough as it was, and he hadn’t had to deal with questionable allegiances. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Moments like these, he could feel the weight on his shoulders. It made him feel older than he was._  
**_“Please, Poe. You’ve always been the only one who can get through to her.”_**  
**_“That’s just not true, Klan.”_**  
**_“You know it is. At least when it comes to these things. She values your experience and opinions so much, I’ve always wondered...”_**  
_She trailed off but shook her head._  
**_“Never mind. You’ve been through this kind of stuff with Zorii. You’ll know what to say.”_**  
**_“Yeah, but Zorii was over me when I saw her again.”_**  
_Klana nodded grimly._  
**_“You’ve noticed it too, haven’t you? The way he looks at her.”_**  
_Of course, he had._  
**_“Like she put the suns in the sky, yeah. I don’t like that.”_**  
_The second Poe said it, he knew he had made a mistake. Klana cocked an eyebrow._  
**_“Oh, really.”_**  
_The smile in her voice was so audible Poe quickly shook his head._  
**_“I’m just looking out for her. Which is why I’m going to see her now. Just forget I said anything.”_**  
_Klana was chuckling when he walked out of the room._

_Upon entering the main room, he found Skylen and the others sitting on the couch. Pipa was by one of the hallways, looking at a broken glass on the floor with great confusion._  
_**“Hey, where’s the balcony you mentioned?”** Poe asked. She nodded toward her right side._  
**_“End of the hallway. It goes up a bit so don’t trip.”_ **  
_He thanked her and bowed his head as he followed after Y/N. The damn thing was a maze, with twists and turns at every corner. It took him far longer than it should have to make it outside. Surely, it must have been designed this way for safety reasons, but Poe was dizzy when he finally stepped out, breathing in the fresh air. It had gotten darker as the suns set but it wasn’t quite nighttime yet. What they called a balcony was another promontory, smaller than the other one. It overhung the entrance of the canyon, offering a nice view of the desert and the bottom of the mountains. Like shiny droids, the speeders reflected the light._

_Poe was quick to notice her, back turned towards him, legs dangling against the stone. The suns were shining as they set, painting the planet’s surface with bright orange hues. Y/N’s silhouette clashed against the background, black outlines creating a stark contrast with the blinding landscape. He cleared his throat to announce his arrival, but she didn’t turn around. She didn’t tell him to go away either, so he took it as an invitation to join her. He sat by her on the edge, staying silent, hazel eyes taking in the scenery. It was something out of a postcard; an endless desert, Mos Eisley in the distance, the two suns setting on Tatooine. Beautiful, really. The pilot risked a glance toward his companion and found a small smile tugging at her lips as she gazed at the planet that had been her home for a bit all those years ago. But even though her face was rather peaceful, her eyes were full of… he didn’t know. Confusion? Guilt? Anger?_  
_It didn’t take a genius to figure out that running into one of her ex-teammates — again — wasn’t doing wonders for her mental health._  
_Especially one she had a history with._  
_Poe wasn’t so sure what he thought of that. He wasn’t even sure he was supposed to think anything of it. That wasn’t his place._  
_After a few more moments of peaceful, yet slightly awkward silence, the General turned to his pilot and he noticed her tensing up slightly._

**“Sooo… Wanna talk about it?”** He asked nonchalantly, turning his eyes back on the desert. Y/N’s head snapped toward him and her eyes hardened. Was he serious right now? He had gone looking for her so he could interrogate her?  
Before she could even talk some sense into herself — after all, Poe was not the kind of man to be nosy just for the sake of it — she answered through gritted teeth, annoyance seeping in her tone like a venomous snake:  
**“Really?”**

She rolled her eyes at him and crossed her arms out of sheer awkwardness. Truth be told, the discussion itself wasn’t a touchy subject. What was, however, was its content. Kit was right — she had abandoned her friends. She had never even thought about how they would feel, assuming none of them cared. She had been wrong. And now, the events that led to and followed her desertion were playing in her head again and again like a broken hologram.  
Poe held his hands up in surrender. He had hit a nerve.  
**“It’s okay, you don’t have to if you don’t want to. Just felt like you could want to talk about it. I mean, from where I stand, it’s a mess, so I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Pipa is right, that guy has a temper. No wonder you two hit it off, huh?”** He added with a smile.  
His attempt at a joke only earned him another huff, but it was a small one. Her shoulders relaxed a bit and she let out a heavy sigh.  
**“Rude. But true. Sorry for snapping at you, it’s just... been a _day_.”**  
Poe chuckled slightly.  
**“It’s okay. I know.”**  
They fell silent for a moment and Y/N kept her eyes on the desert. She didn’t like the planet but it was still beautiful. The galaxy had so many gems to share - this was one of the things she liked the most about being a pilot. She got to see them all.  
**“How are YOU doing, Poe?”** She asked quietly. He shrugged her comment off.  
**“I’m fine. Nothing I can’t handle.”**  
This time, Y/N frowned. Pursing her lips, she gave him a knowing look.  
**“I know you can handle it. You just don’t have to do it alone. We’re friends. If you need something, I’m here for you.”**  
He shit her one of his infamous smirks.  
**“Aren’t you adorable? I know. I appreciate it. But I didn’t come here to talk about me and you’re not going to avoid the subject forever.”**

She groaned and he chuckled. But to be fair, she was avoiding it precisely because she didn’t know what to tell him. It made her uncomfortable. She wasn’t used to sharing her problems.   
Poe sensed her state of distress - somehow, he always did. He was very observant, at least, most of the time, and he had easily picked up how unsettled she was. Which was the exact reason he was there with her in the first place, she assumed.  
**“The same goes for you, you know. You can talk to me. You don’t have to, but you can. If it’s important to you, then it’s important to me.”**  
Y/N sighed and turned to him, lifting her legs off the edge and sitting cross-legged, facing Poe. Half of his face was glowing, lit up by the setting stars. Y/N found that view to be very beautiful. He followed her example and crossed his legs, sitting face to face with her.  
**“I never told you why I left, did I?“**

She hadn’t, and he had never asked either. Poe didn’t answer. She wasn’t sure how much he had heard so she made herself comfortable and started from the beginning, barely taking a moment to note Poe had a talent for getting her to speak.  
**“I told him I couldn’t stay anymore. It’s true. It was mostly because of what I was doing, but... that’s not the only reason. Something happened that pushed me to leave. Kit will never talk about it because he is still furious it happened. And he will always blame himself, because the day it happened, we had gotten into a fight.”**  
And for his silence on the matter, she was grateful. Poe, too, stayed silent. He was listening intently as if she were telling the most interesting story. Y/N didn’t find her life to be so worthy of interest, but she appreciated it nonetheless.   
Poe squeezed her knee to tell her to take her time. And that he was there for her. Y/N smiled faintly. The warmth of his hand against her clothed skin felt somehow hotter than the scorching, setting suns in the sky. She still wasn’t used to non-violent human contact; and the smallest touch she received, especially from Poe, would always elicit an immediate response from her body. It varied greatly, from a simple blush on her cheeks to, like this time, electricity running through her body as she deliciously shivered. 

The sudden contact had taken her out of her story for a second. She took a moment to collect herself and used it to look at Poe as well, shyly meeting his eyes. He wasn’t smiling, but his eyes were focused on her with so much interest she felt almost ill-at-ease. His sun-kissed skin was basking in the red glow of the Tatooinian dusk. It was becoming darker around them but he caught the light. That was a beautiful metaphor because Poe was a beacon of light in the night.  
There wasn’t a single ounce of judgment in those hazel eyes of his.  
This gave Y/N the strength she needed to go on. With a soft breath, she started talking again.  
**“As an officer, I had certain duties, obviously. But after a couple of years, Ren started asking more of me. He gave me responsibilities I didn’t have before. I think he wanted to make me a Major. I’d been Captain for years at this point... anyway. I was leading a mission that day. We came back with a win under our belts. Didn’t lose anyone, the mission was a success. Except for one thing: one of the lieutenants under my orders had screwed up. Ignored the orders, almost cost us the mission. I had to report it to Ren and he was pissed. I was pretty sure he was going to kill him, but instead, he asked me to chose a punishment. Now, I knew Kylo. If I’d let him off with just a warning, he would have ignored my choice and done something worse. So I decided to demote the guy. Which was fair, honestly. But he didn’t agree.”**  
She let out a humorless laugh. That was... an understatement. She fidgeted with the sleeve of her jacket and sighed. How stupid it was to know that everything had started because of that one thing.  
Poe started massaging her knee absentmindedly. She noticed but didn’t say anything. It was a minute gesture, but such a welcomed one considering what she was about to tell him. Y/N tensed up involuntarily.  
**“The following evening, I was walking around in the star destroyer. I was coming back from a briefing and it was very late at night. Usually, I had someone with me, often Ren. Not that night. I should have been with Kit. But we fought that morning so I didn’t want him in my quarters because he hadn’t apologized. He blames himself so much for that.”**  
When it wasn’t his fault. It was nobody’s fault.  
**“Regardless, they... they knew I’d be alone.”** She said in a whisper. It was a good thing they were standing so close to each other or he wouldn’t have heard her.

****************

The woman took a second to collect herself. She hadn’t talked to anyone about what had happened. Her mouth felt dry, and the memories were fresh in her mind. As if it had happened a day before. It had been years, but she painstakingly remembered everything. She wasn’t sure whether she was distraught that her mind hadn’t decided to forget about it as it often was with traumatic events, or if she was proud that she hadn’t forgotten but still managed to live with it. So she turned on the autopilot in her mind and spoke up again.  
**“Three troopers cornered me. I fought them off but one of them tased me. I was sure they were going to kill me. Instead, they pinned me down to the ground and tied me up. One of them hit me in the head and I couldn’t move anymore. I was losing blood. A lot of blood. And then, they... Kriff.”** She interrupted herself and cursed, shaking her head. She could feel their hands on her. Feel the soft bite of the blade as it has accidentally cut through her skin along with her uniform.  
**“They ripped my uniform apart. The last thing I remember was seeing one of them taking off his pants.”**

*************

 **“I don’t know what they did to me exactly,”** Y/N went on, lost in her head as the memories of those days came back to her. **“All I know is what the medic told me. I only remember waking up in the arms of a trooper who was screaming at me to stay awake. I passed out again.”**  
The trooper she had met the day she had been appointed Captain. A nice man. Far too nice for the First Order, but he was devoted to the cause. Maker knew what had happened to him.  
She hoped he had, somehow, escaped.  
**“I woke up days later in the medical ward, plugged to a machine and a bacta drip. I was alone but I remember hearing voices in my sleep. They later told me I had someone by my side almost at all times.”**  
She smiled faintly. Kit had been there for her, and for that, she was grateful.  
**“They weren’t sure I was going to make it. The medic told me I lost a lot of blood because they slashed my thighs with a vibroblade. I still have some marks. You saw them when you patched me up the other day.”**  
An eternal reminder of what had happened. Etched in her very own soul, as well as in her flesh. She shuddered.

 **“Apparently, the trooper had scared them off before anything serious happened. I’ll never know what they really wanted. Maybe it’s better this way. What I do know is that Ren was furious. Kit told me he was the one to inform him and he lost it. Trashed a whole room with his lightsaber and put the ship on high alert. And that’s when things started to get ugly.”**  
That had been the turning point. Not her attack in itself - it wasn’t the first time she had been aggressed. But what had followed.  
**“He started an investigation. I was resting in my quarters and every day, when Kit came to sleep, he told me about it. Apparently, they had analyzed the blood left on the scene and were testing everyone. He wanted to find them so bad. And he had Kit reporting to him about how I was doing.”**

For a man who was so cruel and heartless, he had cared a significant amount about her recovery. Of course, Y/N wasn’t stupid; he must have had wanted to make sure he hadn’t trained someone for nothing. She was an asset to him, one that could be replaced, yes, but whose replacement would take an annoyingly long time.  
This had been the first red flag. The first lightbulb that had lighted inside her head.  
He didn’t care. He never would.  
And who would, really?  
**“I was four days in recovery when I realized Kit had stopped giving me details. He tried to keep me busy and avoided my questions. Smartly, might I add, but that man can’t lie to me to save his life. I asked and asked and asked until he told me Ren had asked him not to say anything. And that was a red flag.”**  
She sighed deeply. She knew Kit just wanted to protect her. But if she had known... maybe she could have done something.  
**“A week after the attack, I was cleared by the medics. I went to work, but Ren asked to see me. Called me to a meeting room. When I got there, I...”**  
She closed her eyes. She remembered every little detail. The blood on the floor, on the clothes.

Poe squeezed her hand, this time. She looked up at him.  
**“It’s okay.”**  
That was it. Two words that meant the world. He was there to listen, regardless of how much time she needed. Y/N glanced at their joined hands. They fitted together strangely well.  
**“Ren was there, with Hux. And Kit. And in front of me when I walked in, three men. Stormtroopers in their undershirts, unmasked. And, Maker. They were covered in blood. I could barely see their faces under the cuts and bruises and blood everywhere. I just... didn’t understand. And then, Ren, he... he told me they were the guys who had attacked me. Hux told me they had been captured a couple of days earlier. And they’d been tortured ever since until Ren was satisfied with what they had told him. That they wanted to make me pay, that I was an outsider who had no business giving orders. And... Hux sentenced them to death. He asked me to carry the sentence.”**

Oh, she had been on the giving end of many death penalties. But none of them had been in cold blood. None. That was a line she couldn’t cross. Every life she had taken had been out of need. For self-defense, in a battle.  
**“And you know, I was staring at them and I was telling myself they had assaulted me, and would have killed me if given the chance, but I just couldn’t do it. So I told him. And he didn’t give me the chance to explain myself, he ignited his lightsaber and beheaded the three of them meticulously. It was over in a split second. No trial, nothing. Just... violence. And that night when I talked to Kit about it, he said... ‘I only regret not killing them myself’.”**  
And she understood. Perhaps, if the roles had been reversed, Y/N would have felt the same. Perhaps she would have nourished the same hatred. But... she hadn’t. She couldn’t.   
**“That’s when I knew,”** she went on. **“I would never be like them. And I couldn’t stay there. They valued my life and integrity more than others because what, I was an officer? I was useful to them in ways those three couldn’t? I knew that before, and I’d chosen to ignore it, but seeing this... people belong killed in my name. I couldn’t. So that night, I went back to my quarters, recorded the hologram, and left it. I left the morning after, without saying goodbye. It wasn’t planned, but it was the right decision. Or at least I thought it was. I’m not too sure anymore. I guess I was just running away from my problems.”**

She expected Poe to stay silent, to take a moment to digest what she had told him. After all, she had betrayed her friends because she couldn’t suck it up. She had never been bothered by Ren’s cruelty before.  
But to her surprise, Poe shook his head.  
**“Hey, hey. Don’t do that to yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself, Keebler. It takes strength to leave everything behind and start a new life. It’s not a coward's move. You could have chosen the easy path, turned a blind eye to Ren’s actions because he wasn’t cruel to you. Instead, you made the right choice. For you, for the Resistance. If you hadn’t left, you would have died with them, and we wouldn’t have you on the team now. You wouldn’t have met Skylen, or Klana, or Finn, or me, of course, and that would have been tragic. Or BeeBee. And I’m telling you, this droid is a gift and is enough of a reason on his own to prove that it was the right decision.“**  
Y/N laughed slightly at that. BB-8 was a sweetheart, that much was true. And Poe was right. She knew he was. She had to leave, for her sake, it was the right thing to do, but it didn’t mean it had been easy. It would take a while for those wounds to close, but they eventually would. One day, and with the help of the people she could call her friends. She smiled softly.  
**“You’re right.“**  
**“Yeah, I usually am.“** He retorted.  
Her blue eyes met his brown ones and she rolled them so far back she was sure she saw stars.  
**“Annnnd you just ruined the moment. You’re impossible, Porg Head.“**  
He laughed at the nickname, as usual, and gave her one of his signatures smirks as an answer.  
**“Don’t you forget it.“**  
She turned to the desert again. The suns were nearly set. It would soon be time to get back. Y/N didn’t want to. She wasn’t sure she could face Kit.  
So, to buy herself some time, and because she wanted to, she blurted out:  
**“Tell me something about you.”**  
Poe stared at her, puzzled, brows furrowed, for a moment. And then:  
**“What?”**  
**“Well. All we’ve talked about lately is me. And it makes me uncomfortable. But it’s not just that, I just... I’d like to know more about you? It doesn’t have to be that deep, it’s just, I mean, we work together but I never really asked and now I realized that sucks because-“**  
**“Y/N. Rambling.”**  
**“Sorry.”**  
He laughed, leaning back on his elbows.  
**“Alright, alright. I mean, you pretty much know everything interesting at this point. I was born on Yavin IV. Both of my parents were in the Resistance. I’m an only child. I was terrible, growing up.”**  
**“ _Was_?”**  
He hit her knee playfully and she cackled.  
**“As I was saying! I was a real demon. One time, I was playing outside, and my parents, they had this sensitive tree Skywalker had gifted them. It’s still there. Anyway. I was, what, six? Decided to climb it for whatever stupid reason. Broke both my arms when I inevitably fell. My mom was pissed. But my dad... he drew the moons on my cast. Told me there were better ways to reach the stars. Once I was healed, he took me flying.”**  
Y/N smiled warmly. This was adorable. She could picture it; baby Poe with his dad in the cockpit of an X-Wing. His tiny hands too small for the lever. The big helmet on his head.  
**“Wherever they are now, they must be so proud of you,”** she found herself saying. He rubbed his neck awkwardly.  
**“I don’t know. I’d like to think they would, yeah.”**  
She turned to him fully and looked him dead in the eyes.  
**“I’m sure they are. I know I am.”**  
This seemed to catch him by surprise. He blinked a few times. Wow. Poe was embarrassed? That had happened twice in the past few-  
...oh, no. She had done a stellar job not thinking about the fact she had kissed him. And he hadn’t brought it up either. But... now wasn’t the time.  
**“I... thanks, Y/N.”**

Merely a few seconds later, Skylen called for them from the tunnel behind them. With one last look at the desert, they walked back to the main room. Y/N slowed down when they got closer, and Poe’s hand landed on her back, calming and soft and so warm.  
**“I’m right here with you.”**  
That was all she needed.   
He didn’t take it away when they walked in, drawing attention from everyone in the room-  
Including Kit.  
He was sitting on the couch next to Pipa and he froze in the middle of his sentence when they walked in, eyes burning a hole in hers, before they went lower, looking at what she assumed was Poe’s arm behind her.  
Whose hand was rubbing circles against her back.   
He wasn’t angry anymore. Quite the opposite. If anything, he was embarrassed. Y/N assumed her expression mimicked his.  
It took her longer than she would care to admit to realize they were playing Sabacc together with Klana and Skylen. The two pilots were making a point minding their own business, though.

After a few awkward seconds, Kit stood up, running a hand through his hair.  
**“Ehrm... a word?”**  
Steady but kind was his voice. Y/N gave him a sharp nod, sneaked a glance at Poe, and followed Kit toward the door, disappearing out of view in the small hallway that led to the exit.  
Strangely enough, the hand in her back was sorely missed.  
Once the two of them were as far as possible from the busy room, he turned to her and wasted no time blurring out:  
**“I’m an asshole and I’m very sorry.”**  
...that was quite unexpected.  
She didn’t say anything, though. Mostly because she was waiting for him to be done so she could apologize as well. He took a deep breath.  
**“Y/N, I’ve known you for years, and you are nothing like them. You’ve never been. And you’re nothing like me, either. I always knew you wouldn’t stay. And it was selfish to think I could ask you to give up on who you are, even for a short time. I know you made the right choice for yourself, and I’m proud of you. I shouldn’t have said those things to you. I’m not trying to make excuses, just... Kriff. I’m sorry about everything. And most of all, I’m sorry for never realizing that I wasn’t giving you what you really needed. I should have...”**  
He shook his head and looked away.  
**“You deserved better than the Order. I should’ve seen that. I don’t blame you for leaving. You deserve to be happy.”**  
Before he could get another word out, Y/N took a step forward, then two, and hugged him tightly. She knew he reacted best to actions rather than words. That was still true.  
**“You made me happy for years, Kit. Never doubt that. I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have left as I did. I reacted poorly and selfishly and I just... you deserved- deserve better.”**  
He squeezed her in his arms and patted her back gently. It was... nice. Familiar, even. But something was amiss.  
...Citrus?  
**“Okay, if you two aren’t dead yet, do you wanna be dealt in or- ooh Kriff. I’m interrupting.”**  
Y/N jumped backward in surprise and Kit let go of her instantly as they both stared at Skylen, whose face was a mix of surprise and amusement.  
**“Do you need the room, or...?”**  
They tried to say something, cut the other off, stopped, and finally gave up.  
**“Yes, please, deal us in. Also, shut up.”**

He was cackling as they walked back to the room. The atmosphere was more relaxed and the tension was gone. It had always been like this: they fought hard and for a long time, but they always made up quickly. Years had been kind to their dynamic.  
Klana dealt the cards and everyone sat around the table. It was a tight fit and they had to squeeze together to all fit around. Their hosts had switched seats, leaving the couch to them. And, of course, Y/N ended up sitting right next to Poe.   
As in- right against his left side.  
She made sure not to look him in the eyes as she fidgeted uncomfortably. There had been too many awkward moments for the day.  
But his hand found its way back to its earlier spot.  
**“You okay?”** He whispered as Klana finished her rounds. She nodded with a soft smile.  
**“Yeah. We’re good.”**  
**“Are you sure you wanna be dealt in, Dameron?”** Pipa piped up. **“You’re not tired of losing yet?”**  
Hunters and pilots alike snickered as Y/N turned to him, confused.  
**“Wait, what? You’re the best Sabacc player I know!”**  
He shrugged dismissively, and she sensed he was embarrassed.  
**“Yeah, well. I was distracted.”**  
**“Too bad for you,”** Kit chimed in with a smirk. Y/N rolled her eyes at him.  
**“Oh, drop that cocky look, would you? I know how you play. We’re gonna wipe the floor with you.”**  
Pipa huffed.  
**“Really? You showed her all your tricks?”**  
Kit shrugged apologetically.  
**“Hey. Three years. She had time to see me play. But I’ll take the bet, Princess. Come on. Let’s get started!”**  
She felt Poe’s leg tensing up against hers. Wow. He took Sabacc very seriously!

The eight of them engaged in furious games, cards going from hands to hands, followed by credits. Kit was as good as ever and he played a vicious game, but Y/N was determined to win back Poe’s money.  
They were playing together, huddled on the couch, whispering conspiringly. Her competitive spirit had erased her previous wariness to stand so close to him. Thankfully so, because they really were close. Poe’s hand seemed to have found a nesting place on her back as he put it there to get her attention subtly before whispering his plans to her.   
And then, they started to win.   
One game, at first, but it was enough to wipe the smirk off Kit’s face for a second. He squinted at both pilots, and Y/N merely smiled innocently. He groaned.   
**“That’s beginner’s luck,“** he scoffed. She wiggled her eyebrows at him.  
**“Aw. Getting butthurt already? But we’re merely getting started, Kit.“**  
He glared at her, but it was playful.  
**“Watch out, sweetheart. You don’t have a good history with getting cocky.“**  
**“Oh, I do remember wiping the floor with you countless times.“**

  
And that, she did.  
The second round was for them, then the next one. As she grabbed the credits on the table, she grinned at Kit, who was anything but happy. He grumbled and Y/N laughed.  
**“What, Loth Cat got your tongue?“**  
When she came back to lean against the couch, Poe put his arm on the back and rested his hand on her shoulder as he subtly called for her attention. Pipa and Kit were bickering and he grabbed the opportunity to whisper in Y/N’s ear:  
**“You sure provoking him is the right move here?“**  
She turned to him, finding his face closer than anticipated. She grinned.  
**“Oh, trust me. He gets super rattled whenever I tease him. I’ve got this in the bag.“**

She did.  
Torro turned out to be a vicious player. He had her lose her round several times. But Y/N didn’t mind - they were having fun. At this point, she was leaning against Poe without a care in the world, and it seemed to draw a lot of attention from both Kit and Skylen. Of course, the latter was merely interested in teasing her.  
But Kit…  
Well.  
Not so much.  
Y/N was grateful for Poe’s hand which seemed to have found a permanent place on her leg. It grounded her. She had, after all, a game to win!  
But it turned out the last game was out of her hands.  
With a smart move, Pipa had made her lose the round before she was eliminated by Poe.  
Said pilot was now engaged in a death match with none other than Kit. Cards hit the table as Klana monitored the game, counting points. Y/N watched intently, elbows resting on her knees and her head on her hands. It seemed like the room was empty to them, save for the other and the cards.  
Then, she saw it.  
Kit’s tick.  
He was bluffing!  
As he leaned back to grab some water, Y/N got closer to Poe, whispering in his ear while barely moving her lips:  
**“He’s bluffing.“**  
She pulled back before Kit noticed, but he eyed her suspiciously nonetheless. Poe didn’t say anything. He showed no sign of acknowledgment that he had even heard her, and for a second, Y/N worried he hadn’t.  
But then...  
He smiled, his left hand brushing against Y/N’s leg. He squeezed it swiftly before leaning forward.  
**“I don’t think your hand’s that good. I’ll go all in.”**  
Kit remained impassible for a moment. Oh, no. Had she been wrong? Could it be-  
**“I hate you,”** he said pointedly, groaning as he revealed his cards. Y/N squealed.  
**“I KNEW IT!”**  
Poe raised his hand and they high-fived and laughed. Even Kit was smiling.  
**“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. You’re a cheater, Y/N.”**  
She stuck out her tongue and stood up, excusing herself to the shower. Kit cleaned up the table and they all started to get ready for bed. They had a long day ahead of them.

The fresher was a sonic and Y/N emerged feeling barely cleaner than she had been when she had entered it. She couldn’t wait to go back to Kuat and take a real shower. The vibrations couldn’t hold a candle to the real deal. Still, she was grateful for the amenities they were provided with. And the time alone she had spent had given her the chance to think about the events of the day.  
Rather, one event in particular. She couldn’t get the kiss out of her head. She needed to think about something else because she would surely go crazy otherwise. Whenever she squeezed her eyes shut, and focused enough, she felt the lingering touch of Poe’s lips. Why she was obsessed like that was a mystery that wasn’t welcome.  
Once she returned to the main room, trying hard to get the images out of her head, she found them all talking. She overheard Kit speaking about standing watch.  
**“I can take the first shift no problem,”** she butted in. They turned to her.  
**“No offense, Y/N, but the whole mission relies on you being alert tomorrow. We’ll cover for ya. You focus on getting some rest.”**  
She blinked at Pippa. She did not like that. Plus, she could handle herself, thank you very much.  
But her argument seemed to find support from Poe as he nodded.  
**“She’s right. Get some sleep. I’ll take your shift with Kit.”**  
...oh no. That was bound to go south. It was obvious they didn’t get along very well.  
As the two groups started talking about who would stand watch and when, Y/N walked up to Poe, gently grabbing his wrist to get his attention. He hummed encouragingly.  
**“You sure that’s a good idea?”** She whispered. He shrugged.  
**“I’d rather stand watch with him than have you alone with him.”**  
Wait, what? What was that supposed to-?  
**“I mean... in case you two bicker again. It’s the last thing you need before tomorrow,”** he added quietly.  
Ah, yes. A fair point. She still squinted.  
**“If you’re sure. Just... try to be nice.”**  
He raised an eyebrow in her direction.  
**“I’ll tell him off if he-“**  
**“Poe.”**  
He groaned and rolled his eyes.  
**“Alright, alright. But I’m not making any promise if he says something out of line about you.”**  
**“I appreciate you being my knight in shining armor and all, but that won’t be necessary.”**  
He grumbled something but agreed nonetheless. And soon enough, it was time for them to head out. Y/N watched the two men walk out side by side, a pit forming in her stomach. Somehow, knowing they were alone outside worried her.  
But she had to get to bed anyway. Klana led her to the tiny room they would share and they laid down on the thin mattress. In the darkness of the room, and despite the lack of comfort, she found herself drifting off to sleep, exhausted by the day she’d had.  
The last thought she had before passing out was one of a pair of lips... and its taste she had enjoyed way too much.  
She was in trouble.

  
_Nights in the desert were colder than Poe had anticipated. Good thing he was a living heater - but he was impressed Kit wasn’t showing even the slightest hint of discomfort._  
_He was either a very good actor or just not bothered at all._  
_His helmet was laying by his side and he was leaning against a big rock, one leg bent and his rifle resting on his thigh. Trained eyes watch dutifully over the desert. That route was the only one intruders could use to get there - if someone approached, they’d see them._  
_Both men were silent, which wasn’t an issue for Poe. He had nothing to say to him anyway. Sure, he could have asked him questions about their time together in the Order, because he was curious, that much was true. But he wasn’t sure he would like the answers he got._  
_Hell, he wasn’t sure how he felt about everything he had learned earlier that day. There was so much history between these two. Poe wasn’t sure anything could compare._  
_With a sigh, he turned to the night sky. Despite what Y/N had said, it was a beautiful place. The three “moons“ lit up the entire horizon, as there was no cloud or anything else to block the view. The desert had turned into an infinite sea of darkness. The faint lights of Mos Eisley shone in the distance._  
_It was no Yavin IV, but it wasn’t too bad. And more than anything else, it was Y/N’s “home“ planet. Poe liked learning about her. She was a mystery to everyone, including herself. Any detail was welcome._  
_**“Can I ask you somethin’?“** Kit suddenly asked, breaking the silence between them. He had spoken quietly, eyes still fixated on the desert in front of them. Poe gave him a nod. He wondered what they even had to say to each other. Sure, they had some common points. Maybe more than he cared to admit. _  
**_“How’s she? As a pilot?“_ **  
_Poe almost asked “who“ out of habit but realized that, of course, he was talking about Y/N. And he was very tempted to tell him it was none of his damn business. The fact that he was interested in her years later pissed him off._  
_… But Y/N had asked him to play nice. And he understood his curiosity anyway. He had the same one._

**_“A royal pain in my ass, honestly.“_ **  
_Kit frowned but saw that Poe was smiling, so he laughed._  
**_“Why am I not surprised.“_ **  
**_“Don’t get me wrong. She’s an incredible pilot. Smart as a whip. But, Maker, she’s going to give me a heart attack one day. I thought I was reckless, but I’ve reevaluated that.“_ **  
_Kit laughed again, throwing his head back in genuine hilarity._  
**_“Hah! I’m glad to hear that. We’ve argued about it countless times. Which one of us was the worst. I always, ALWAYS told her she was winning by a landslide. She always denied it.“_ **  
_Leaning forward in confidence, he continued._  
**_“There was one time. We were out on a mission. Ren wanted us to show off to scare some random guy off. An ex-Senator who was playing hard to get. Anyway. The day before our flight, Hux and her had gotten into an argument. Ya know, he liked her alright, but sometimes, he was pissed at Ren, and since the bastard could Force-choke the heck outta him, he took it out on Y/N. Told her there was no way someone like her could scare them enough. She kinda took it personally.“_ **  
_Uh, oh. Poe grimaced and Kit snickered._  
**_“You’re right to be worried. We had to fly low and slow in the capital, get close enough to the palace, and land in their private spaceport unannounced. Ren told us to not screw it up. Well, it turned out the guy was having a party in his garden. We arrived on-site, Y/N saw it. Ya know, I’ve known her long enough to know she has somethin’ in mind when she gets all quiet and then tells you just ONE thing. So she turned to my frequency and told me ‘Kit, you’re gonna have to take my place.’ So I was hella worried. Where the heck was she going?“_ **  
_Poe was already laughing. Somehow, he knew that whatever he imagined wouldn’t even come close to what she had done._  
_**“So we get above the palace,“** he explained, moving his hand flat above his other one and mimicking the whole operation. **“Shaking it real good. And that one? Instead of flying to the spaceport? She landed in the kriffin’ garden. Flew between the two sides of the building, landed on the damn lawn with her cockpit, like, a meter away from the dude’s buffet. She got out, slid off the eyeball of the ship, landed on the DAMN TABLE, and got herself a drink. I asked her what she told them and she’s always said something along the lines of ‘The First Order will join you for dinner’. When Ren walked in, they handed him the control of the planet no questions asked. The guys told me ya don’t land a TIE like that and fly away in one piece.“**_  
_Oh, yeah, that, Poe was willing to believe._  
_He laughed, picturing the face of the poor Senator who had seen his party crashed by the leader of the 204th landing in his garden. And merely out of spite._  
_“ **Wanna know the best part? She snagged a bottle of booze from the buffet and gave it to Hux when we went back to the Finalizer. Told him to drink to her failure and walked away. I’ve NEVER seen him so embarrassed. Never said anythin’ bad to her after that“**_  
_Kit laughed at the memory and Poe joined him in his hilarity. He would have paid good credits to see Hux’s face._

_Their laughter died down and silence replaced them. After a few moments, Poe asked:_  
**_“How was she? As your Captain?“_ **  
_**“She was the freakin’ best of us all, that’s what she was,“** Kit answered without missing a beat. He sighed and settled against the rock again, thinking about it before going on._  
**_“Been flying my whole damn life. I’ve served for a whole lotta people. Skilled pilots. Kriffin’ good ones who could give Solo a run for his credits. Half of them were assholes and it got’em killed. You don’t get cocky and walk out of the job alive. Well, she was the most talented officer I’ve ever had the pleasure of working for. Just, and forgiving when she needed to. I’d been in the 204th since it had been reinstalled by Snoke. When our old Captain died, I took the lead for a while. Knew I wouldn’t get the rank, Hux was pissed at me. Was hoping one of my guys would get it. Good pilots, decent leaders. And then, Ren walked in and introduced us to our new Captain. A woman we’d never seen in our life, who was fresh outta the recruitment center. Had been in the ranks for a coupla weeks at most and was gonna lead the best damn unit in the Order. I was sure Ren had finally lost his mind.“_ **  
_Understandable. Poe was pretty sure he would’ve reacted the same way. Kit smiled fondly._  
**_“I was a real ass to her. Called her Princess and everything. She just ignored me. Told us she hadn’t asked for that but if we had an issue with Ren’s decision, we could always talk it up to him but she wasn’t looking forward to finding a replacement so soon in her career. Asked us to give her a chance, just one.“_ **  
_She always needed only one chance anyway. Poe remembered the fly-off against Tarsen. Or her practice run. Neither she nor he knew for how long she had been a pilot, but that kind of skill was the fruit of long hours of training. The poor guys in her unit didn’t stand a CHANCE against that… and her tendency to throw caution to the wind whenever someone insulted her honor._  
**_“She blew it outta the water, as you’d expect. Best damn run we’d had in a long time. When we came back from our first mission together, she landed her ship next to mine, dropped down, smirked at me, flipped her hair, and told me she’d see me the next day. Man, she had me hook, line and sinker by the time she’d reached the door. Later told me she was shaking like a leaf when we’d taken off.“_ **

_Poe chuckled. He felt strangely proud of her, knowing she had put a bunch of sexist bucketheads in their place. But his smile faltered when he saw the look on Kit’s face as he remembered._  
_That man was not over her. He was sure of it. And he didn’t like it._  
**_“Well, when she got to Kuat, she did something like that, too.“_ **  
_He went on to tell him about her defying Tarsen on her first day. Her kicking his ass weeks later, and Kit smirked proudly. Y/N might have been soft and gentle, she was a real firecracker when she needed to be. Poe liked that about her. Nobody else had pushed back as much as she had._  
_His face grew more serious as he thought about his next question and he bit his lip._  
**_“Was she always so… reckless?“_ **  
_Kit stayed silent for a moment, toying with some part of his riffle to keep his hands busy and kicking at the sand mindlessly with the top of his boot. He ran the right one in his beard, much like Skylen did when he was pensive._  
**_“Hux used to say something about her. That she had a singular force of will.“_ **  
_Poe frowned. That- wasn’t an insult._  
**_“What did he mean by that?“_ **  
**_“That she’s a suicidal idiot who never, ever gives up.“_ **  
_That sounded familiar. The bounty hunter sighed. The subject appeared to hit a little too close to home. That, Poe could understand. The number of times he had been furious at her for risking her life uselessly - like during the dogfight against her ex-pilot - was starting to grow, and he didn’t like that._  
**_“Listen, Dameron. There are many things I love about her. She’s smart, she’s sassy, she’s strong and stunning as heck. But, Maker, she has no respect for her own life and she doesn’t care about herself. I’d hoped I could change that. I was wrong. And when I realized she’s Resistance now, I had hope. But you, telling me this - tells me she hasn’t changed one bit. I blame Ren for that. That bastard turned her into a damn weapon.“_ **  
_Poe didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. Kit knew. He sighed sadly, shaking his head. Poe could feel he was tired._  
_He had also noticed he hadn’t used past tense in his first statement._  
_He KNEW it. He knew he was still in love with her._

_Kit ran a frustrated hand through his locks. Years of trying to get through to her had made him exasperated. Poe wasn’t there yet, and he was praying he would never be. Because that would mean he had failed._  
_Or she was dead._  
_And that wasn’t an acceptable outcome._  
_**“Can I give you a piece of advice?“** Kit asked, looking up. There was a mix of- sadness? And determination in his brown eyes. Poe nodded. Kit licked his lips and stayed silent for a moment longer. Perhaps he wasn’t too sure he should speak up. But he had already started, and he had to finish his speech._  
**_“I’ve seen how she looks at you. The three of you, but you especially. There’ll come a time when she’ll put you all in danger. For whatever reason. It happens, in our line of work. And you know how she is. She’ll try to distance herself. And she’ll leave. She’ll disappear and never come back, to protect y’all.“_ **  
_Poe’s stomach dropped. No. She wouldn’t do that, would she? She wouldn’t abandon them out of the blue. Not like that. Not-_  
_But the way Kit was looking at him, he knew he was right. And the ex-soldier knew better than Poe did. He had seen it. He had lived it._  
_Kit put the rifle in the sand and stood up, leaning in Poe’s direction. His face was unreadable but his eyes… they were full of… something._  
**_“Don’t you fucking dare letting her go, Dameron.“_ **

_Poe held his gaze. He knew he was asking him something he hadn’t voiced. That his request - no, order - went way beyond what they had talked about. He also knew it was a test, somehow. It was always a test._  
_But he nodded anyway._  
**_“I won’t.“_ **  
_Kit leaned back with a grunt, satisfied. He grabbed the rifle and threw it on his back. Poe watched him stand up. Whatever this talk meant to him, it wasn’t easy to let go of it._  
_Without another word, he started to walk down the path leading to the desert. After a few steps, he stopped, hesitating. He turned slightly toward Poe._  
**_“Dameron?“_ **  
**_“Yeah?“_ **  
**_“If you break her heart, I fucking swear to all that is holy, there won’t be a place in the Galaxy where I won’t find you.“_ **  
_And with that, he walked away and didn’t look back._  
_Poe closed his eyes and leaned against the rocks of the cave, letting out a long sigh._  
_If only Leia were still here._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, it's always so fun to write oblivious Y/N! Happy New Year, everyone (yeah I can still say it, right??), may it bring you all you ever wished for, and be kinder to you than 2020 was. I hope you're doing well!  
> I was planning on releasing two chapters at once, but college got in the way. The next one is 2/3rd done but it's been a while since the last update and I feel bad for leaving you all waiting.


	19. Back In Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team meets with Gideon to learn about the bounty, Y/N has to make a deal... and, of course, things don't go as planned, because have they ever?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: canon-typical violence, swearing, knife wounds (nothing graphic).

The awakening was a bit... rough.  
The two suns hadn't even risen on Tatooine when Skylen came to wake them up. Y/N hadn't slept well, so she was admittedly a bit grumpy when she had to get up. Several times during the short night, she had awoken. It seemed that her upcoming mission was weighing on her.  
The sky was still dark when they got out of the hideout and made their way down the mountain. Kit had been clear that they needed to get off-planet as soon as possible since people were still after Poe. In the quietness of the early hours of dusk, masked figures made their way back to the spaceport. All of them piled up into Kit's ship, which happened to be ex-First Order, and they took off.  
  
The least you could say was that they had moved quickly. It had taken the team merely an hour to reach space. Finally, everyone could catch a break, and Y/N was glad the desert planet was behind them. Andooweel wasn't too far a flight, and the sooner they arrived, the better.  
The two teams were huddled up, sitting on the transport benches in the back. Poe was distributing rations and water, and although Y/N hated the pre-packaged meals, she was starving and could very much eat a rock if needed.  
After handing out a pocket of food to Skylen, Poe sat back down in his spot next to her with the last two rations. He went handed her hers but looked down at the label and offered her the other one instead. Y/N frowned as she tore open her frugal breakfast.  
 **"What's wrong with the other one?"**  
Poe shrugged, biting into the bar.  
 **"Nothing. But it's mango, and I know you don't like it."**  
Y/N stared down at her bar. Grapefruit. Her favorite.  
 **"Yeah... how do you know?"**  
He shrugged again.  
 **"You always pull a face when you have one to eat."**  
Had he noticed? That was... surprisingly vigilant of him. With a grateful nod, she took a bite from the grapefruit bar. It tasted like sand. Or perhaps her tastebuds had been permanently stained by Tatooine's sandy air.   
She had barely drunk half her bottle that Kit's face popped up through the door.  
 **"Alright, kids. We'll be landing in five. I've got a place downtown, bought it from a guy in a rival gang, so Gideon shouldn't know about it. I mean, he hasn't come knocking yet, and it's been a couple of years. Anyway. We can lay low and prepare for tonight. Buckle up; the landing gear ain't in good shape. "**  
 **"You've never heard about mechanical checkups? "** Y/N piped up. He snorted.  
 **"I don't usually have an audience. Now, wouldn't want to scuff up the finest of the Resistance, would I? "**  
She rolled her eyes at him as he cackled and walked back into the cockpit. A few moments later, they started losing speed until the pull of gravity was strong enough. They hit the ground with unnecessary force, and Y/N cursed, her safety belt barely stopping her from flying forward.  
 **"You've lost your touch, Kit! Hux could land better than that! "** She shouted. His voice came back muffled.  
 **"Screw you, Thunderbird. "**  
It was her turn to cackle as they unpacked their stuff. She hoped her clothes were appropriate for the planet. She didn't know much about its atmosphere and could barely remember what Ren had told her about it - uninteresting to the First Order. Her experience on Hoth made her wary of any climate she wasn't knowledgeable about.  
  
But when the ramp came down, and they walked out of the ship, Y/N was surprised to see how temperate it was. No hotter than Coruscant, and assuredly not as hot as Tatooine. A standard, boring planet. They had landed in a tiny spaceport of what seemed to be a poor neighborhood. It was still quite a dense area, albeit greener than Y/N would have thought. In the distance, the silhouettes of taller skyscrapers clashed against the grayish sky. They weren't that high, but the city center seemed much busier than where they were at.   
**"It's definitely not a prosperous planet. Everyone's been robbed in some ways by the Order, the mafia, or both. The planet's off the radars; nobody gives a womprat's ass about it. They have all the place in the world to run their business ",** Kit commented, stopping next to Y/N. **"This is the only city on this side of the planet. That's where we'll be headed tonight. Everything around it is just… crops. Dirt. Some trees. "**  
 **"Sounds boring, "** Skylen said, his hand tight around a crate. Kit shrugged.  
 **"That's why I came here. I have enough excitement on the job. Now, come on. We've got work to do. It's technically three already on here. We have our meeting at seven. Let's get movin'. "**  
They followed after him, and nobody seemed to be paying attention to them. Kit took them through a couple of narrow alleys until he stopped dead in his tracks in front of a plain door that looked exactly like the ones they had been walking past for a good ten minutes.  
 **"Welcome, make yourself at home, "** he said, pushing the door open. It was bigger than Y/N had anticipated. He had done well for himself. As the eight of them stepped inside, she took a look around. There was a door to the right of the room they were in, left wide open and leading to an- armory? Of course, he would have an arsenal. The living room they were in was scarcely furnished, and she had seen that coming. A couch was pushed against the wall, next to a window, and he had a small kitchen. Wow, that was an upgrade from his quarters on the Finalizer. The doors in front of them were closed - perhaps leading to some bedrooms. She liked it. It was simple, although very dark.  
Kit made her jump as he carelessly dropped his helmet on the coffee table. His friends scattered around, headed for the armory and bathroom. As for the pilots, they gingerly put their cargo down in a corner where it wouldn't bother anyone.   
**"Hey, Kit, we're gonna head to town already, scout the area, "** the guy Y/N didn't like said, standing next to the door with Pipa. **"Make sure everything's a-okay for tonight. "**  
Kit hummed, grabbed something from the wall, and threw it at Pipa, who caught it one-handedly.  
 **"Take a speeder. We'll see you later. "**  
And off they went. Kit gestured toward his couch.  
 **"Sit down. I'll brief you on what's gonna go down tonight. "**  
Poe didn't say anything, and Y/N took it as a sign he was appreciative of Kit's professionalism. It was to be expected. After all, she knew how thorough he was in prepping for a mission. That had saved her ass quite a few times.  
  
He put a holopad on the table, and a map popped up, wavering from time as its projection suffered from tiny malfunctions.  
 **"That's the club we'll be going to. There's a back entrance here, with a building right across the street. It's usually guarded, but Pipa will make sure it's not. You'll be able to camp here, cover for us if needed. You and Pipa will stand watch on the roof. Torro and Calvin will make rounds around the building. We won't have backup inside. "**  
That wasn't an issue. If things went well, they would be out quickly. But that was a big if. Regardless of that, Y/N was pretty sure they could handle themselves, although she didn't like the idea of Klana being alone outside.  
 **"As for the two of you… Y'all will dress up as death troopers. I've got two armors you can use. And standard First Order weapons. They won't notice a thing. "**  
 **"Kriff, did you raid the Finalizer's armory or something? "** Klana asked, and Kit grinned.  
 **"Something like that. They didn't mind. "**  
 **"How did you get those armors anyway?** " Skylen asked. Yeah. Y/N was curious as well.  
Kit paused; for too long.  
 **"Uh... trust me, you don't wanna know that. It's better if you don't ask for details,"** he finally answered, wincing.  
Ah, so he _HAD_ murdered them.  
Well. Y/N wasn't really surprised.  
Poe, who had stayed silent until that point, leaned forward.  
 **"Tell me what will the two of you do. "**  
Kit nodded, cracking his back as he stretched.  
 **"We'll go through the front door. They're gonna give us shit for the troopers, I'm warning ya. But we'll be fine. Once we're in, we'll be headed for a spot close to the bar. That's where Gideon will meet us. I'll do the talking first. He trusts me. Kinda. We'll have to get him to trust you, though. Prove you are who you say you are. Then, he'll likely ask us to get lost while you two talk business. You'll have to convince him to give you what you want. He might ask for us to stay for one of his shows, then we'll be on our way. If things go the way we want them to. "**  
Again… that was a big if, specifically if they kept in mind how the last missions had gone.  
And Poe and her's habit of getting into trouble, usually in cramped spaces.  
Welp.  
 **"What can you tell me about Gideon? "** Y/N asked. Kit rubbed the back of his neck.  
 **"He's your typical mob boss. Badass. That guy has seen some stuff. He's, like, old… He worked for the Hutt Cartel before Jabba died. He is smart, he likes violence, and he wants to be entertained. And he has a very, uh... particular way of making deals with people. If you catch my drift. "**  
Y/N grimaced. She knew the type quite well.  
 **"Seriously? "** Poe grunted, and Kit held his hand out in surrender.  
 **"Hey, I never said he's a respectable dude. But it doesn't matter. He knows anyone I bring here is off-limit. "**  
 **"I can handle him. Any tips on what he might look for in a deal? Money? Power? "**  
 **"Both, "** Kit shrugged. **"If you offer him money right off the bat, he's gonna be suspicious, though. You'll need to find something else. "**  
  
Y/N put her chin on her hand, thinking hard. Hm. What could she offer? Kriff. They had limited resources; she didn't want to put anyone in danger; she had nothing valuable to offer. They were coming in empty-handed. Think, think. What could she offer him…  
Ah!  
Wait, no, actually, nothing came to mind. She would have to improvise.  
 **"I'll find something,"** she shrugged. Hey, Captain Thunderbird always found a way to talk herself out of trouble, so channeling her had to be the key, right?  
Neither Poe nor Kit doubted her. They talked about the layout of the room, how many guards there were, the affluence. Y/N listened intently, falling back into her old habits as she listened to the briefings she was given. They all counted on her. She would be damned before she let Poe down.  
Speaking of Poe, she knew him well enough to know he wasn't pleased with the plan. It was a plan he had no saying in, and he would be pretty much on standby through the entire mission, unable to speak or move at all, or he would risk blowing up their cover. Poe Dameron was a man who valued his freedom, and she wasn't sure there was something worse than being trapped in a stormtrooper's armor in his eyes.  
Arguably, there were worse things, but that one ranked up pretty high on his list.  
 **"Y/N. Does your armor need a paint job or somethin'? The last time I saw you with it, it was pretty banged up. "**  
She shook her hair no.  
 **"It's okay. I cleaned it up before putting it to storage when I came home. Ren would've had my head if I let a single smear of dirt on it. This thing's expensive. "**  
She stayed silent for a second before speaking up again.  
 **"You wouldn't happen to have some makeup somewhere around, would you? "**  
Kit shrugged.  
 **"Sorry. Pipa's the only woman around, and she's not exactly the type to wear anything else than a full suit of armor. "**  
 **"I have some. Always do; it can come in handy, "** Klana interrupted. **"Need help with it? "**  
Y/N shook her head. Even if she knew Klana would do a better (and a faster) job than she ever could, she couldn't stomach having her friend in the same room as her while she got dressed.  
 **"It's okay. I'm gonna take a shower and get ready. It should take me half an hour. Kit? "**  
 **"My room's behind you. In the meantime, I'll walk your friends through death trooper 101. Teach 'em the basics so they can look like First Order's watchdogs. "**  
She snorted as Skylen distinctively cursed.  
 **"Well, good luck with that. "**  
And off she went, grabbing the crate with her stuff inside along the way. She locked herself in Kit's room with a sigh.  
She would soon come out as an entirely different person.  
  
—————————————  
  
Y/N looked at her reflection.  
She sneered.  
Even in the old, blurry mirror Kit had in his room, she could see every detail from her outfit. The years hadn't erased them from her mind. How ironic - she absolutely wished they had, like the rest of it all.  
Her hair, tied into the two usual intricate braids, was topped with a third one, for once, making a crown out of her wavy strands. She had applied the makeup Klana had found - darkened eyes rimmed with black and winged out in a smokey, geometrical liner. Her lips were red and shiny as if coated in blood.  
And, of course - her outfit.  
The half plastron still fit her upper chest, metal shining under the dim light of the room. Her right pauldron, as red as her lips, adorned the sigil of the order. They had purposely left the marks of battle untouched, a testimony of her work for Ren.  
One she could have gone without.  
The rest of the outfit was made of tight, fitted leather, thick enough to protect her from brutal weather or knives. On her forearms, her trusty bracelets. They went from her wrists to her elbows, metal protecting her limbs from attacks and her blade. She had tested the commands on her right bracelet earlier, and they worked perfectly.  
As for her weapons...  
The various straps on the armor were all occupied. Two knives in her boots, one on her left thigh, one on both of her arms. A dagger strapped to her back and the holster for her blaster hanging from her left side, its butt pointing forward.  
But, of course, the main attraction... her sword.  
It was powered down, resting inconspicuously against her right thigh. A simple blade, slightly thinner than the handle led to imagine.  
But it was made for the electro plasma energy filament and the force field it powered.  
Ren had made sure she could hold her own against a lightsaber if needed and had tested the function himself.  
She smiled unwillingly at the memory of that particular training. He had scared the living shit out of her that day.  
But now wasn't the time to think about that. As much as she wanted to stay behind and think of happy memories, Y/N was on a mission.  
She gulped down the bile in her throat. What would Poe think? What would they all think?   
  
With shaky hands, she tied the cape around her shoulders. Done. She could stall all she wanted but couldn't delay the inevitable any further. Might as well get it over with. She took a long breath in, then out. Then in again. The ritual she always went through whenever she had put the armor on.  
Raising her chin up and straightening her shoulders, she marched out of the room, cape whipping at her heels.   
Once she was in the hallway, she could hear everyone's voices. Kit was seemingly talking about Gideon. She didn't quite catch Poe's answer but she recognized his voice.  
There was no turning back now.  
Before she could talk herself out of it, she pushed forward and entered the room with confident steps that didn't match her state of mind at all.  
  
They fell silent, as expected. All of their eyes were on her.  
 **“Y/N,”** Klana gasped. **“You look...”**  
She trailed off, unsure.  
 **"Merciless. Like an angel of death,"** Kit finished. He wasn't wrong.  
But it wasn't his opinion Y/N wanted.  
Her eyes tentatively went to Poe. He hadn't said a word yet. When he noticed her staring, he leaned forward. She tensed, awaiting his judgment.  
 **"You really make red lipstick work,"** he stated with an approving nod.  
...Wait. That was it?  
She noticed his eyes trailing up and down her silhouette as he took in her uniform, but he didn't comment on anything else. Kit stood up and walked up to her.  
 **"It's weird to see you wearing it without your mask on,"** he said with a smile. **"For what it's worth, you look incredible. Like a Sith Lord, 'cept for the lightsaber. You'll have no problem convincing him to give you what you want. Hell, even I wouldn't want to get on your bad side."**  
She laughed earnestly.  
 **"That's because you know I can kick your ass."**  
He rolled his eyes.  
 **"Whatever. Okay, you two, the armors are in the room next door. Get dressed. As for you, Klana, you're leaving with Torro. Good luck out there. Watch your backs. "**  
She gave him a stern nod and jumped to her feet, walking toward Y/N.  
 **"Hey. Be careful out here, okay? You've got this. "**  
She hugged her friend briefly, and Y/N smiled. Yes, yes, she did.  
 **"Take my jacket. You're gonna freeze outside with nothing on your back. And it'll bring you luck. "**  
 **"You sure you trust me with that? "**  
 **"Yeah, go right ahead. Just don't put blood on it; it's a bitch to clean up. "**  
Klana laughed but nodded, taking the piece of clothing from the chair it was on. She threw her code cylinder at Y/N, who caught it and put it in her belt, and off she went, Torro holding the door open for her before closing it behind them.  
  
She realized now she was pretty much alone in the room. Kit had gone to his room to change into something more casual; Poe and Skylen were in the guest room to get dressed. The apartment was quiet. Outside, Y/N could hear the occasional honk or clatter, but besides that, it was dead silent.  
She allowed herself to think about what was at stake. Poe's life was on the line. If they couldn't figure out who had put the bounty on his head, or better, have it canceled, he would be walking with a sword over his head, and she simply wouldn't have it. Not if she could help it. She knew all too well what it felt like to have the entire galaxy looking for you.  
She sighed and walked to the armory, finding it tidier than she would have thought and filled with ex-First Order weapons. Kit had undoubtedly raided the Finalizer before he had left. It was just their luck. She found a sharpening kit for her blades and sat down on the couch with it, making sure the knives were sharp and shining. Those gestures had become second nature to her, and she found herself drifting off, eyes staring in the distance as she recalled her years as a runaway.  
  
 _ **"UP! "**_  
 _She jolted awake as something hit the side of her bed in a metallic clatter. Her hand flew to her blaster, and she aimed it at the moving mass next to her before her eyes were even fully open, adrenaline shooting through her veins. Had they found her? Had they-_  
 _ **"Dank Farrik! You don't need to point that at me, young lady. You were sleeping like a dead bantha; I couldn't wake you up. "**_  
 _Y/N rubbed her eyes and put the gun away with a grunt._  
 _ **"Sorry. Rough night. I was up 'til four with Alaric spying on the pirates. "**_  
 _The woman smiled. She was old, perhaps older than she should have been considering the life expectancy around here, but her mind was as sharp as ever. She handed Y/N a bowl of soup she almost burned her tongue off with. Herbs, as usual. At least, it meant the kids had eaten the meat they had brought back earlier that week._  
 _ **"You two are going to get into trouble, "** she sighed. **"I don't like that. If I was twenty years younger, I would fight you two, so you'd stay here. "**_  
 _Y/N gave her a throaty laugh._  
 _ **"I have no doubt you would. But you know they will never leave you alone if we don't get rid of them. "**_  
 _She pushed the bowl to the side and stood up, popping her back. Outside, the children were running and laughing. The day was sunny and warm, enough to make her skin tingle as the sunshine made its way inside the hut. There still was a hint of wind, though, so Y/N grabbed her leather jacket._  
 _ **"Just… Be careful. We have lost many to their wretched hands. "**_  
 _Y/N couldn't help it- she snorted._  
 _ **"I'll be damned if those scumbags are the ones who put me down. "**_  
 _ **"Language!** " _  
_She laughed as she went out, grabbing her staff on the way out and putting it on her back. She waved at the two kids playing outside her door._  
 _ **"Marshall! Look at the shoes mom got me! They're so shiny! "**_  
 _ **"They're fantastic, Kalo. Hey, have you seen Alaric this morning? "**_  
 _The kids pointed at a hut nearby._  
 _ **"Yeah! I heard he found something in the forest. You should go talk to him! "**_  
 _ **"Marshall! When you're done with your work, can you teach me how to fight? "**_  
 _Y/N laughed, ruffling the kid's hair._  
 _ **"You're a bit young for that, honey. And your mom would kill me. "**_  
 _She bid them adieu and went on her merry way, waving at the townspeople she crossed paths with. It had been a few months since she had landed (okay, crashed) on that planet she couldn't remember the name of. The townspeople were at war with local pirates, and Y/N had offered her help in exchange for some food, a roof over her head, and somewhere to sleep. She had become friends with several of them. They treated her kindly and didn't ask questions. She hadn't told them anything; it was better that way._  
  
 _When she stepped inside the hut, she found Alaric deep in discussion with the local nurse. His face lit up when Y/N stepped in._  
 _ **"Ah, you're here. You're gonna want to know about that. "**_  
 _He was older than her, probably old enough to be her father. Alaric was gruff and wasn't much of a talker. From what Y/N had gathered, one night he had had too much to drink, he was an ex-rebel. He had lost his entire family to the war and had retired after the fall of the Empire. Now, he was watching over his people, but it was a difficult task to do alone. The pirates were brutes, but they were well-armed and outnumbered them. They were chipping at their number, but it wasn't easy._  
 _Y/N had never seen Alaric so excited before, though._  
 _ **"Lily, tell her what you told me, "** he encouraged. The young nurse nodded._  
 _ **"So, I was in the forest, trying to find some herbs to take care of the kids. There's a flu going around the town. Anyway. I got to a clearing I had never seen before. I was going to turn around with the plants, and then I saw it… metal. Like, some sort of metallic part. "**_  
 _Alaric waved his hand to get her to talk faster._  
 _ **"I looked up and realized there was no grass. I climbed up some rocks and found a crevasse. And in it… There's a ship—a spaceship. One the Order uses. "**_  
 _Y/N's heart stopped._  
 _A TIE? They had found a TIE?!_  
 _She sneaked a glance at Alaric, who merely nodded. He knew them all too well._  
 _ **"You told me you know how to fly. If that was true, then I think we've just found our winning ticket. "**_  
  
 _The walk to the TIE had been longer than she had anticipated, and Y/N was glad she had Alaric with her to guide her because this forest was a damn maze, and the fuel on her back was weighing her down. Alaric carried some tools with him, and Y/N hoped whatever damages the TIE had suffered from could be fixed by her limited skills._  
 _When they reached the area, she realized the crevasse wasn't as deep or narrow that she had thought? Good. The wings were fragile; having them damaged would have been an issue. Instead, it seemed like the ship had crash-landed inside the mountain, finding itself stuck by its wing spars, which were entangled in a ton of vines. It appeared to have suffered limited injuries, and Y/N smiled._  
 _ **"The canons look intact. But we're gonna have to climb up here. "**_  
 _She put her jerrican of fuel down and started climbing the rock. The ship wasn't too high, but it was still too high for her to reach easily. She just hoped the vines could hold her weight._  
 _After a few minutes of grueling effort, she finally reached the top of the eyeball, which was upside down, and kicked the trapdoor open. The pilot was still inside, long gone. Judging by his uniform and the ship itself, he must have been serving at the beginning of the war. Y/N unclasped his safety belts and dragged his lifeless corpse to the opening._  
 _ **"Watch out! "** She screamed at Alaric before ejecting the Buckethead. Judging by his smashed helmet lying on the floor and the blood on the seat, he had bled out on the spot._  
 _That was good for her._  
 _Trying to do her job upside down, Y/N bent backward, turning the ship on. She hit the ignition button-_  
 _And the reactor roared to life. The low fuel alert was flashing on the screen, covered in dust, but it was working._  
 _ **"HELL YEAH! She's still alive! "**_  
 _ **"How's it going up here? "** Alaric's voice asked, and Y/N put her head through the opening, hanging upside down with her hands against the ceiling._  
 _ **"According to the checkup I ran? No critical damages! There's a bit of strain on the wings because of the vines. Fuel's low, too, but other than that, we should be good to go. I'm gonna need you to come up here, though. "**_  
 _Alaric cursed but did as he was told, bringing the fuel with him. Y/N filled the ship up as it dangerously swayed with the added weight._  
 _ **"Okay. I need you to take cover. I'm gonna turn the engines on to break the vines. It's gonna get heated in here. Be careful. "**_  
 _He gave her a thumb up and made his way down, hiding behind some rocks. Y/N hauled herself up, trying - and failing - to sit upside down in the pilot seat. Okay, well, she would have to improvise. With expert fingers, she turned on her engine, directed its power forward, and took a deep breath in._  
 _ **"Here goes nothing, "** she mumbled as she tilted the joystick toward her. The engines roared, and the ship was catapulted upward, the vines holding it back for a second before giving out. Y/N was thrown against the wall as the TIE rose toward the sky. With great effort, as it slowed down, she kicked the buttons to the side, activating the auxiliary motors that stabilized the ship with its head up. This sent her against the floor, and she hit it with full force, her ribs crying in protest as she pushed herself up. _  
_Good thing nobody had seen that._  
 _With grunts of pain, she sat down in the pilot seat and made her way down the surface of the planet, landing the TIE in the clearing Lily had told them about. Alaric was quick to join her._  
 _ **"Son of a blaster! Never thought I'd be this happy to see one of those! "** He screamed at her when she powered the ship down. Y/N laughed._  
 _ **"Yeah, me neither. Come on, come inside, I'll fly us both to the village. Tonight, we get rid of those scumbags. "**_  
  
  
 **"Hey, Y/N, uh… Mind giving me a hand? "** Poe's voice asked, taking her out of her reverie. She quite liked that memory, even though that day hadn't been a happy one. She had left that night, after killing the pirates, taking the ship with her. Such a vessel would undoubtedly attract unwanted attention, and she didn't want to endanger anyone.  
They were still after her.  
Shaking away the memories, she stood up and put the kit where she had found it as she made her way toward the room Skylen and Poe had disappeared into. She knocked politely and pushed the door open.  
Poe was sitting on the guest's best, his armor on, but it was clear to Y/N something was amiss. The parts weren't where they were supposed to be. A look around the room and the sound of water told her Skylen was under the shower. Poe's hair was damp as he had already taken his.  
 **"Yeah? "**  
 **"Do you have experience with this thing? I can't figure out how they kriffing tie everything up. "**  
She laughed and sat down on the bed with him. His pants and lower body armor were correctly attached; that was a start.  
 **"Yeah. It's a bitch to get right the first time. I'll give you a hand. Just… Don't move. "**  
She got started on his arm pieces, fingers working quickly and efficiently. He stayed silent and still, watching her work.  
 **"It's not too tight? "** She eventually asked. He shook his head no.  
 **"Nah, funnily enough, it's my size. Kit either got very lucky, or he was planning to have me wearing this. "**  
She giggled. Kit had always been a lucky guy, in more ways than one.  
"You'd make a good death trooper, though. Looking good in black, General. "  
Poe snorted.  
 **"Don't laugh at me. It looks better on you. "**  
He appeared to realize his mistake when Y/N's hands stopped for a second.  
 **"Kriff, I didn't mean to- "**  
 **"It's… it's okay. You know, I actually like the armor,"** she added as she moved to his chest piece. **"I hate what it stands for, yes. But the craftsmanship? How it fits me? I like that. Kylo made sure I was comfortable. He did a great job. "**  
 **"Can't argue with that. "**  
She smiled.   
**"I make evil look good, don't I? "**  
Poe considered it for a second, his eyes searching her face. Kriff. He had a way to look at her that guaranteed she would be ill at ease.  
 **"I'm not saying you're right, just... if Ren had looked like you, the First Order wouldn't have had to torture the information out of me. "**  
Y/N burst out laughing.  
 **"Yes, they would have! You'd never give BeeBee up! I'll tell him you said that. "**  
 **"No, you won't. "**  
 **"Yes, I will! How dare you speak about your child like that? You know what, I think I'll take full custody of him. He'll live with me, be fed quality oil and-"**  
…Oh, no. Y/N had just made a BIG mistake.  
She fell silent and stopped moving as Poe's eyes went wide.  
 **"It was YOU?! Maker, Y/N! Do you have ANY idea how hyper he was?! Took him twelve hours to get down his high! I had to manually power him down! "**  
 **"Hey, that was my way to thank him for looking after me! "** She tried to defend herself, but Poe merely groaned. She couldn't hold back her laugh and snickered as she attached the last pieces together. "He deserves all of the love. He's been so kind to me ever since I came here. "  
Poe smiled to himself.  
 **"That's because you're nice to him. Not because he's my droid, but because that's what you do. He knows. And he appreciates it. You should've heard him fanboying about your run against Tarsen. "**  
She laughed. Spending some time with Poe was precisely the break she needed before her big mission. He had a way to make people feel good about themselves.   
She found herself staring into his eyes. He was a bit tired and worried, and she was surprised to realize how easy it was to read those things about him. Had she become fluent in speaking Poe Dameron's language?   
**"You're staring. "**  
She jumped back.  
 **"Sorry! I… Sorry. I'm done. It's correctly secured. You're just missing the helmet, and you'll be good to go. "**  
He observed her for a second and didn't say anything.  
 **"You're more jumpy than usual. And I'm not just talking about the mission. You sure you're feeling okay? Is it about what happened in the cantina-"**  
Oh, MAKER NO-  
 **"Alright! You kids ready? "**  
She had NEVER BEEN happier to see Skylen in her life. Or glad she would have an excuse to be someone else for a little while and forget about everything else.  
 **"Yeah! I'll go and see if Kit is, too. "**  
She stood up, cape whipping at her heels, and walked out of the room without a second glance. As she pushed the door, she heard Skylen asking: "Maker, what did you say to the poor girl?" And prayed Poe wouldn't say anything.  
  
It turned out Kit was ready as he stepped out of his room. He had changed into more formal clothes, with a simple shirt, some fitted slacks, and a leather jacket thrown over his plastron. His helmet would stay there, though.  
 **"You guys ready to head out? "** He asked as he put his blaster in a holster. Y/N nodded, and the two pilots joined them in the living room, helmets on, carrying automatic rifles. Kit gave an approving nod.  
 **"Alright. It's showtime. We'll take the shuttle. "**  
He took a step toward the door, but Y/N's voice stopped him.  
 **"Kit. Got some Jawa juice on hand? "**  
Kit walked back inside the room with a quizzical look, opened a cabinet, and grabbed a bottle by its neck. He handed it to Y/N, and she opened it, took a swing from it, and gave it back. Kit stared in silence.  
 **"Trust me, if you want me to do the job, I better have some of that in my system. "**  
He chuckled lowly and put the bottle back where he had found it. Y/N glanced around the room. The two troopers stood behind her, guns in hand. They looked perfect, their sleek armors shining under the led lights.  
Y/N gave them a sharp nod.  
 **"Let's get this over with. "**  
With a practiced flick of her wrist, she pulled the hood of her cape up, and out they went, back into the narrow alleys.  
  
It took them half an hour to make it to the city center. Kit had to leave the shuttle outside the city, and from there, it was a ten minutes walk. The sun had started to set, but it didn't matter - the town was busier than Y/N had anticipated. The streets were gloomy, narrow, and decorated with so many signs, lights, and street vendors that it looked like a less high version of Coruscant's ill-famed neighborhoods. Everything around here screamed "mafia "to her. It was apparent they had built themselves a small bubble of modernity and power on a planet that initially had none of those things.  
The death troopers drew a lot of attention as they walked between the shops, the flashy neon lights catching every angle of their armors. Eventually, Kit stopped in front of a building. There were speeders parked next to the door and various creatures hanging around them. A thick cloud of smoke hung in the air, and Y/N was pretty sure she had seen the glow of death sticks in one of the thug's hands.  
 **"This is the place. Radio communications are jammed inside, so we won't be able to contact the others. Once we're in, we're on our own. You ready for this, Y/N? "**  
Her head whipped to the side. When she spoke up, her voice had grown a tad lower.  
 **"It's Captain to you, Lieutenant. Did you forget your manners on the shuttle? "**  
Kit grinned.  
 **"There she is. "**  
Squaring her shoulders, Y/N walked past the thugs without sparing them a second glance and stepped inside, not bothering to turn around and check if the rest of them was following.  
The club looked precisely like the ones on Coruscant. A massive bar in the middle, flashy lights everywhere, neons coloring the room, and glasses of alcohol everywhere. There were smaller booths here and there, some with walls around them, some without. In some spots, huge glass tubes were protruding from the ground, with half-naked women dancing languidly. A low, bass-boosted tune had the ground shaking.  
Down a flight of translucent stairs, they could access the underground area. As she took a glance, Y/N noticed there was a pit down there. Probably made to host illegal fights-  
Her observation was cut short by two guards. Armed to the teeth, both of them humans, they blocked her view and her path.  
 **"Stop right here. Guards aren't allowed inside. "**  
Kit stepped forward with a smile on his face.  
 **"Relax, Drogo. They're with me. I'm here to see Gideon. "**  
One of them - Drogo - pursed his lips and shook his head.  
 **"Sorry, Kit. Rules are rules. If she wants to have a drink here, they stay outside. "**  
Y/N took a step forward.  
 **"I don't think you've listened. We're here to see your boss. "**  
The guard sighed.  
 **"Listen, lady. That's one more reason to not let you come in with these two-"**  
The sound of guns getting cocked made him turn his head, and Y/N raised her hand, signaling for Poe and Skylen to stand down. On the inside, she smiled. They were good pretenders.  
 **"Drogo, was it? "** She interrupted. He fell silent. She took her hood off and stared him dead in the eyes. **"Let me be clear. Where I go, they go. And I will get in with my guards. So you can be a doll and show us the way, or I can break your neck and find it myself. I'll let you make a choice. "**  
She smiled. Oh, she had pissed him off.   
Hopefully, not enough to start a bloodbath so early in the mission.  
The guard clenched his jaw, and his hand moved toward his blaster.  
 **"Who exactly do you think-"**  
Y/N pushed her cape aside, revealing both her pauldron with the First Order's sigil on it and the hilt of her sword.  
 **"She's not joking, my dude. And I promise we won't be long. "**  
He looked at Kit, then back at Y/N, and finally stepped back with a long sigh.  
 **"Get out of my sight. "**  
She nodded, winked, and walked away.   
  
Kit quickly joined her side as she reached an empty booth.  
 **"You trying to get us killed so soon? "**  
 **"It worked, didn't it? "**  
He snorted.  
They sat down, with the fake troopers on both sides of them. A skimpy-dressed Togruta came to take their order, but Y/N sent her away.  
 **"Where is Gideon? "** She asked Kit as the music changed. The pilot took a look around.   
**"I don't see his guards. He's probably still in his office. It won't take long; he's usually punctual. "**  
Y/N nodded and took the opportunity to look around the club. The backdoor was guarded, but she could see it from where she was, which was good. She hoped Klana and Torro hadn't run into any trouble, but they would have heard about it if they had, wouldn't they?  
The music got quieter suddenly, and the crowd turned to the other side of the club, where a red Devaronian stood. Dressed in a long leather jacket, with two blasters on his hips. His horns, shiny and pointy, stood menacingly as he stepped out of what must have been his office.  
 **"Hello, my friends! I hope you're enjoying your night. Drink, dance, and don't forget that tonight, we're having our Sunday special. Get ready for the show later tonight!"**  
The crowd of partygoers cheered for him and made way for him and his bodyguards. The two guards stopped him, whispered something in his ear, and waved inter direction.  
 **"We've been spotted,"** Kit stated casually. Great. The sooner they met with Gideon, the sooner they'd be out of here.  
Y/N didn't look away, watching as the Devaronian made his way toward their table. He stopped a server on the way here, barked some orders at her, and went on his merry way. Went he finally reached the booth they were at, he found Y/N with her arms sprawled over the back of the couch, an unimpressed look on her face.  
 **"Kit! Long time no see. Rumor has it you had your hands full with a bounty on Coruscant. How's business treating you? "**  
 **"You know me, "** he shrugged. **"I can handle whatever is thrown at me. I'm not here for more pucks, though. "**  
Gideon's eyes went to Y/N, and he eyed her up and down.  
 **"Yes, I can see that. Who's your friend? "** He said, sitting down across them. Y/N stared back at him.  
 **"You can call me Y/N. "**  
He repeated her name a few times and shot her a toothy smile. Eventually, after a few seconds, he extended his hand for her to shake. She complied, and he brought her hand to his lips, kissing it.  
Seriously, what even was this guy?  
 **"Care to tell me why someone dressed as a First Order officer is in my club with two death troopers?"** Gideon asked Kit. The Devaronian didn't sound pissed; rather curious, and the bounty hunter shrugged.  
 **"She has something to ask you; she's here on business. I can vouch for her, too. But she didn't tell me what she wants, so you're gonna have to talk it up with her. "**  
  
Here, he had cracked the door of the negotiations open. Gideon hummed.  
 **"Is that so? Tell me… It's been a long time since I last saw someone like you around. Your kind is almost extinct. I don't notice any rank on your uniform. But I recognize that sword. Who are you exactly, Miss Y/N? "**  
She leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. Gideon towered over her by at least twenty centimeters, so she had to crane her neck a little.  
Maker, she was going to be stiff-necked by the end of the night.   
**"Thunderbird. Captain Y/N Thunderbird. If you're half as good as Kit mentioned, that must be enough for you to know who I am. "**  
She consciously started playing with the hem of her cape, patiently waiting as he mulled over her word. The server came back with drinks and put them down on the table as Gideon nodded thoughtfully.  
 **"That's a name I haven't heard in a long time. Last time I heard, you were in exile after you'd betrayed the Order. "**  
That was… yeah, okay, he was well-informed. Y/N shrugged.  
 **"I'm glad to hear that rumor spread around. No, I wasn't in exile. I was on a mission. I've been for a while now. "**  
Technically, she wasn't lying; she had been on a mission… to get the hell off of the Order's radar.   
Gideon smiled and took a sip from his colorful drink with a shrug.  
 **"I have to say, I always wondered who was the woman under the armor. Makes sense it was you… "**  
He toyed with the edge of his drink as Kit grabbed his, taking a sip from the cocktail. As for Y/N, she didn't make a move to grab it. She just stared at Gideon, waiting for his next move. He hadn't asked about her business here yet. Perhaps he was just biding his time, but she wasn't convinced.  
She felt Kit's free hand on her knee under the table and realized she had started to move her leg as she waited. Fortunately, Gideon didn't seem to have noticed.  
 **"There's still one issue, though. "**  
Ah, here it was.  
In her peripheral vision, she noticed Poe tensing up. She smiled, crossing her fingers in front of her and resting her chin on them.  
 **"Oh, is there, now? "**  
He hummed, downing the rest of the glass and sliding it to the side.  
 **"Yes. Nobody has seen you or heard from you in years, and you show up to my club with two troopers, with an armor I haven't seen in years, worn by someone nobody has seen the face of. Forgive me for being a bit suspicious. "**  
Ah, so Kit had been correct in his assumption. She leaned back against the couch.  
 **"Understandable. "**  
She went to grab her code cylinder, but both of Gideon's guards raised their guns, which caused both Poe and Skylen to raise theirs. Y/N chuckled.  
 **"They a little trigger-happy, huh? Easy there, I'm not grabbing a gun. "**  
She produced the tiny cylinder from her belt and pushed it toward Gideon, who picked it up.   
**"Here you go. "**  
The Devaronian picked it up and handed it to one of his guards, who disappeared behind the bar. He came back a few moments later, whispering something in his ear. Gideon nodded.  
 **"Story checks out. I'm still not convinced, though. "**  
Kit groaned audibly.  
 **"Seriously? We served together for years. You have her cylinder. Do you want a DNA test or somethin'? "**  
Y/N raised her hand to silence him.  
 **"I understand the caution. But you're asking a ton of things, and I don't even know if you have what I'm looking for. I wouldn't appreciate you wasting my time. I've proven my goodwill, but I won't humor you any further if you don't do the same. Sounds fair to you? "**  
He laughed earnestly.   
**"Ha! You're smart. Okay. I don't need you to tell me anything, though. I know why you're here. "**  
Y/N snorted and turned to Kit, who was watching the exchange in silence.   
**"You didn't tell me your friend was a psychic. "**  
He rolled her eyes at her but smiled. Gideon shook his head.  
 **"I wish. No. It's easy to understand the reason behind your presence, though. A bounty issued on a rebel, reports about his presence in the sector, and an Imperial officer pops up here. You're after the General. "**  
  
It was hilarious to listen to that, considering the said General was standing literally a few meters away from them. Y/N knew he must have been laughing behind his helmet. She smiled.  
 **"You're smart. Yes. I'm here about Dameron. "**  
Realizing she wouldn't touch her drink, Gideon grabbed it and drank the second cocktail. Well. At least it wasn't poisoned.   
**"Then, chances are I have the information you're looking for. "**  
 **"How can I be sure of that? "**  
 **"You're just gonna have to trust me, "** he answered with a laugh. So he wouldn't budge. What had Kit told her? He liked money, power, and a good show. If he wanted money, he would have asked already. She had given him the power of knowledge, so there was only one thing he could want from her…  
Ah, she didn't like where this was going. He must have sensed it because he was grinning smugly at her.  
 **"Alright, I'll bite. What is it that you want me to do? Clearly, there must be a way for me to put your worries at ease. Then, we can talk business. "**  
He seemed to be thinking about it for a second, but Y/N was pretty sure he already knew what he would ask of her. Her impression was confirmed when Kit leaned forward.  
 **"C'mon, Gideon. I know you know what you want already. Let's get it over with. We don't have all night, eh? "**  
He turned to Kit, and for a second, Y/N was sure he had said something wrong. His smile faded away, replaced by a frown.  
 **"You seem in a rush, Kit. Something the matter? "**  
True to himself, Kit kept his cool and merely shrugged.  
 **"Listen, my guy, you're fun and all, but she ain't in town often, and I would hate to spend the night here with y'all. If you know what I mean. "**  
He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Y/N had to physically stop herself from rolling her eyes. Seriously? He had to go there?  
She smiled regardless, feeling someone's eyes on the side of her face. Poe's. Yikes.  
But the Devaronian, being the pig he was, merely snorted.  
 **"Ah, yes. I wouldn't want to keep you kids busy for too long, then. Well, you see, Miss Y/N, I pride myself on two things: being true to my word and providing my patrons with quality shows. I was going to have two gamorreans fighting tonight, but it would be much more entertaining to have you instead, hm? After all, if you are who you pretend to be, and this sword truly belongs to you, then you should have no problem handling yourself, shouldn't you? "**  
He… He wanted to see her FIGHT?!   
Yes, of course, his reasoning was correct. She had to give it to him; he was smart, which really wasn't to her advantage. Sure, she could handle herself… But it had been years since she had last used that sword.   
She could feel Poe losing his mind next to her. This wasn't what she had signed up for. Being used as the freakshow of the night. But hey, if that was what it took, then so be it.  
 **"I don't know if that's a good idea, "** she started, leaning back casually. **"After all, I would hate for you to throw me out because I mangled half of your men. "**  
Gideon laughed.  
 **"You're cocky. We'll see how you handle yourself on the ring. Come on, let's go. I'm actually excited to see how it plays out. "**  
They rose from their seats, and Y/N followed after him, purposely ignoring both Kit and Poe's eyes on her. Her focus was already on her upcoming fight.  
She had to win.  
If not for her sake, for Poe's. And if not for Poe's… For Ren's, who would kick her ass from beyond the grave if she dishonored his teaching like that.  
  
 _Poe was losing his kriffing mind._  
 _Why? Why did she say yes? And why didn't Kit look at least worried for her? Wow, leaving him had been the best decision she had made in her life-_  
 _Skylen elbowed him slightly, and he realized last second he had almost walked into a drunk partygoer. He had to focus._  
 _But how could he be focused on pretending to be a bodyguard when the person he was supposed to protect was risking her life? Maker, it was simpler for him to do his job when she wasn't here._  
 _They followed Gideon to the club's lower level, and he told Kit to sit down while he took Y/N backstage. Before she followed after him, she gave her partner in crime her cape, letting the armor shine under the neon lights, then nodded and disappeared._  
 _Poe was quick to walk to Kit's side as he took his spot on the couch._  
 _ **"What the hell are you doing? "** He hissed from behind his helmet. Kit didn't turn to him, but he moved his head slightly to the side._  
 ** _"Letting her do her job, Dameron. You should try it sometimes. "_**  
 _Oh, he was SO punching him after all of this was over. What did she even saw in that guy?!_  
 _He did a quick assessment of the room. Many armed guards, some getting ready for a fight. Okay. She wasn't going against random people; those were hired mercenaries. There was one of her, and too many of them. She knew what she was doing, but the odds weren't in her favor._  
 _ **"They're her opponents? "** He asked. He needed confirmation. Kit nodded slightly._  
 ** _"Yeah, looks like it. "_**  
 _And he still didn't look worried in the slightest. Skylen leaned forward too._  
 ** _"Listen, I'm all about letting her do her thing and all, but this isn't looking too good. "_**  
 ** _"If I could go and take her place, I would. But trust me, she is our best shot at getting the information we need. "_**  
 _Trust him? Oh, yeah, sure._  
 _Poe bit back the sarcastic comeback he wanted to hurl at his face. Instead, he checked his gun._  
 ** _"If they hurt her, I'm going out there. "_**  
 _And Kit-_  
 _Laughed._  
 _What the actual-_  
 _He turned to the pilot, a grin on his face._  
 ** _"Maker, you genuinely have NO idea who you hired, do you? "_**  
 _He chuckled to himself as the referee stepped out on the ring. The crowd gathered around the ring, hungry for some blood. Poe didn't listen to his speech. He was mulling over Kit's words._  
 _He was right. He had no idea. And he genuinely wanted to know. Maybe Kit was correct. Perhaps he needed to trust her._  
 _" **I worry for her too, Dameron, "** Kit mumbled. **"You have no idea how fucking stressed she had me every time Ren called for her. But I've seen her walk through hell and back. I used to joke with her, telling her she'd make one helluva Sith. You'll see what I mean in a moment. Trust the process. I bet my right hand she's gonna kick all of their asses. "**_  
 _Okay._  
 _Yeah, okay._  
 _He'd better be right._  
  


Shiiiit. There were a LOT of people.   
The roars of the crows were deafening. They were out for blood. The lights were on, shining brightly on the ring. Faint smears of blood painted the floor, and Y/N knew before the referee even announced it that the fights wouldn't stop until one of them was dead or severely knocked out.   
Okay. The pilot didn't have to pull back.   
Before she stepped on the ring, she handed her blaster to Kit, as per the rules. No gun. Just knives and fists.  
She would manage. Blasters were so uncivilized anyway.   
She heard the referee say her name, but she didn't register it. Standing in a corner, she focused on her breathing, as Kylo had taught her. Focus. Focus.  
She searched for Poe's eyes behind the crowd, behind the helmet. She knew he could see her.  
She winked.  
 **"Let the fight BEGIN! "**

Two guards were against her, armed with vibrodaggers. They looked between themselves, trying to understand if they should push forward or not, considering Y/N still didn't have her blade in hand. They took a tentative step. Y/N grabbed the hilt of her sword, unhooking it from her belt, biding her time.  
They shared another look of uncertainty, and then, electrified by the cheers of the crowd, they pushed forward.  
Y/N turned the blade on.  
The hum of the microfilament vibrated through her hand as the red blade crackled to life. It hadn't changed a bit. It was just like she remembered it to be. Years of training and fights had forever engraved the feel of the weapon in her palm.   
_**Focus**_ , Y/N, said Ren's voice in her head, coming from her past. Yes, master, she'd answer.  
One step.  
Two steps.  
They attacked.  
The first one raised his blade above his head to hit her, and the other one went to strike her legs. With little to no effort, Y/N leaped forward, plunging headfirst in the spot between the two, rolling on her back and standing back up behind them. Their blade hit the air, and she smiled. They were strong, but she was way faster than them. She swung her sword around her wrist with practiced spins, showing off a little. They were quick to turn around.  
 **"Oh, you're gonna have to do better than that, "** she taunted.   
They did.   
The first one threw one of his blades at her, and Y/N spun to the side, only to be stopped by the second one. Their weapons clashed in a metallic clatter, the electricity in hers buzzing close to her ear. She grinned and pressed the side of the hilt with her thumb, sending a shock through the metal. The man recoiled in surprise, and she took advantage of it, slashing his wrist and making him drop his blade-  
Something moved in her peripheral vision. Without even thinking, she swung her blade right in time to divert the dagger that had been thrown her way.   
Two points for her.  
Okay, this was too easy-  
The guy on the ground produced a smaller knife from his boot and hurled it at her. Y/N didn't have time to move away; it hit her plastron, bouncing off with a ping.  
She grimaced.  
 **"You assholes are going to ruin the paint job. "**  
He snarled and stood back up, blood dripping on the floor in tiny droplets. Truth be told, Y/N could have killed both of them with a throwing knife, but she was pretty sure that wasn't what Gideon wanted. She had never fought for a show before, but she had seen some… She would entertain them if it meant getting the information she needed…. Besides, they weren't real threats. At least not for now.

 **"My turn, "** she threw their way with a smile. She parried the first guy's attack with her blade, spinning on herself out of his reach and elbowing him square in the face. As he recoiled in pain, she dodged the other one's attack by ducking, rolled out pop the way before he could react, and slashed the back of his knees, making blood gush out of the wounds and making him fall down yelping. The crowd gasped as she hit him across the face with her metallic gauntlet, and he fell down, knocked out cold. She threw one of her knives with practiced accuracy, knocking the one the other guy had picked up from his hand. Defenseless, he didn't have time to react as she sent a roundhouse kick his way, hitting him in the jaw.   
Heh. Y/N would have to thank Poe for teaching her that move.  
Calmly, Y/N picked up her knife and cleaned her powered-down sword from the blood on it. Then she turned to Gideon.  
 **"Is that the best you can give me? "** She shouted his way, arms extended. It was apparent provocation on her part, but he didn't seem to mind. Quite the contrary, he grinned and gestured for another guard to step in the two's place. It was a woman, around her age, with a single sword- wait, no, it was a katana of some sort.   
She was slimmer than the two guys (who were being dragged out of the ring by some of their colleagues) and bid her time, observing Y/N. She didn't have any throwing knife she could see; glorious.   
Finally, she stepped forward, slicing across the length of her body. Y/N blocked it quickly, but she knew it was a test. One she could have failed if she hadn't seen the flickering sparkle in the woman's other hand. Y/N raised her gauntlet, and her smaller blade hit it. She smiled.  
 **"Nice try. "**  
Y/N pushed on her sword and forced her to step back as she attacked. Hit by hit, she made her opponent step closer to the edge of the fighting space, relentlessly hitting her with her blade. She evaded the blows, though barely; when they reached the ropes of the ring, the other woman used their momentum to swoop past Y/N, and the pilot barely had time to spin her sword, raising it behind her back. It clashed against her opponent's blade, saving her right on time from a nasty blow. She couldn't, however, avoid the hit that came right after, and she was slapped across the face, losing her balance temporarily as her head rung and the world spun for a second. Ah, she wasn't half bad. Perhaps it was time to stop playing.

She recovered from the hit right on time to avoid another attack, parrying it swiftly. Her vision was a bit blurry, but at least she wasn't seeing two of her, so there was a bright side.  
Still, she would have a bruise the following day.  
Ah, whatever.   
Time to change her tactics, though. Hoping her body would cooperate, she bid her time, avoiding the attacks that came her way while stepping back slightly. She found herself two steps away from her opponent; perfect. The guard slashed in her direction horizontally, stepping forward, and-  
Țară jumped.  
She took one step and propelled herself upward, spinning sidewards in the air for a second before sticking a quite wobbly landing.  
Welp. Fair enough.  
The other woman, surprised, didn't react fast enough to avoid Y/N's sword slashing her back. Y/N spun the blade in her hand and hit her across the face with a nasty blow. The woman fell to her knees, unable to get back up.   
2 - 0.  
The crowd's ruckus was growing impossibly louder as they understood precisely the ride they were in for. Credits went from hands to hands, people were raising their glasses, the light caught on various pieces of clothing as the spectators moved around excitingly. It was too loud, too bright, too much. Her head was pounding, both from the overload of sensory triggers and the hit she had received. How many rounds would she have to go through before Gideon was entertained enough to grant her an audience?  
Kriff, Poe owed her one.   
As she pranced around, playing her "cocky officer "role to the best of her abilities, she heard the referee call for the last fighter of the round. Great! Just one more to go-  
 **"Ah. Fuck. "**  
Here he stood, the guard she had all but insulted earlier, with light armor on and his hand firmly holding a resonator mace. The two clubs were powered down, but it looked ominous enough to have Y/N focus. She spun her blade, observing him. From the corner of her eyes, she noticed Kit leaning forward when the lights were kind enough to point away and give her a window to actually see her friends.   
He didn't look too confident.  
Welp.  
If Kit was stressed out, it meant the guard -Drogo- would give her a run for her money. They had undoubtedly saved the best fighter for last, and the mere sight of his weapon (that wasn't an easy one to master, she recalled) was enough of a warning.

The referee yelled out his catchphrase, and the fight started. Drogo was smarter than the others. He wasn't watching her blade but her body. He had, undoubtedly, been trained in melee fights—just her luck.  
But, hey, he hadn't been Ren's student, right? She could take him.   
When he pounced on her, she ducked out of the way right before he hit her. Kriff! He was fast and robust. That was a bad combo for her. Also, that weapon of his could trap her blade; she had to be careful.   
She tested his defense by spinning around and making her weapon clash against his, her arms groaning under the effort as he pushed back. The hits were flying around like a flock of X-Wing at full speed, and she had to focus hard to follow the dance. Parry, parry, duck, step aside, attack, slash. The precision of her movements and her attacks' speed made Drogo retreat toward the edge of the ring. He was starting to lose focus, and Y/N thanked her mentor for spending so much time building her stamina. She landed a couple of hits on his arms, not enough to overpower him but enough to make him lose focus.  
And then-  
She screwed up.  
It was bound to happen, at some point- she was so busy trying to put a good show, pretending she wasn't rusted up by years of absence of training, and trying not to die, that Y/N forgot the first observation she had made…  
…Her blade could get caught.  
And it did.  
Drogo angled his mace right as she slashed forward, catching the sword between the two clubs precisely as he powered them up. He tried to yank the blade from her hands, but Y/N followed it, not trying to untangle it forcefully but rather trying to free it naturally. And she managed to do it, the two powered-up weapons separating-  
She realized too late she had let her guard down.  
He hit her square in the chest with the mace. While her armor took the brunt of the hit and protected her from the electricity, it sent her flying. She hit the ground and tumbled down, her ribs screaming in protest. They had suffered enough of a hit the day prior, and Y/N was still healing. Her fall knocked the wind out of her, and she saw stars. The lights above her were dancing, her vision was blurry again, and Y/N tried to catch her breath. At least, she hadn't lost her sword-  
A shadow moved above her. She rolled out of the way right on time to avoid a deadly hit from above as he smashed the mace against the ground. She tried to get up, but he lunged at her with the tip of the buzzing weapon, and she fell back to her knees with a wince. Ah, shit, it wasn't looking too good. She raised her blade to block a hit, but the fall had weakened her, and her damn shoulder failed her. The sword was kicked out of her reach, and she found herself weaponless.   
Welp.

Fortunately for her, no amount of strength could compensate the weight of a mace like that, and their difference in speed allowed her to recover and finally stand up, jumping to her feet. Her chest was hurting really badly, and she was pretty sure it would be bruised as hell the following day; she had a hard time breathing, and her arms were killing her.  
But she would be damned if she gave up now.  
So she grabbed two blades from her stash, falling into a defensive stance with her two daggers raised. She couldn't outpour him, but she could outmaneuver him.  
Summoning her last ounces of strength, she waited for the mace to miss its mark before she ducked underneath it and slashed at his arms, coming closer to his body with the shortness of the blades. It was risky; if he caught her, she was as good as dead. He left her no time to pause, didn't give her a break. She eyed the discarded sword; it wasn't too far away from her but still too distant to grab it. If only she could activate the-  
Drogo had anticipated her attack and his arm blocked her dagger, kicking it out of her grasp. She didn't have time to grab another one; he was already attacking again. She couldn't hear the crowd anymore- only the blood rushing to her ears. She had to find a way out.  
Wait… she had an idea.  
One she hoped wouldn't give Poe a heart attack.  
She let him kick the second blade out of her hand. After such a long fight, having her defenseless was bound to get him to relax a bit, and that was precisely what happened. Y/N pretended to fall back until her back was -quite literally- against the wall, or rather, the ropes. She had nowhere to go…  
…But the sword was on her right side.  
As Drogo raised the mace to hit her with it, she grinned.  
He frowned but didn't react fast enough.  
Y/N pressed a button on her gauntlet, and the blade flew toward her, summoned by the magnetic pull. She grabbed the hilt and raised the sword right on time to parry Drogo's hit, the strength of it making the tip of the blade hit her other gauntlet. But it also made Drogo lose his grip, and Y/N slashed at his arm before he could recover. The mace fell down to the side, and she hurriedly kicked her opponent's legs.

Drogo landed on his back, desperately crawling to get his weapon, but Y/N stopped him with the tip of hers, pressing the buzzing blade to his throat. She wasn't hurting him, but should he move at all, he'd be dead before he had even raised his hand.  
She hoped it wouldn't come to that.  
The crowd was deafeningly loud around them, chanting and screaming and booing. As for Y/N, she was dead silent, her chest heaving with the effort as she tried to catch her breath. It hurt to breathe. It burned everywhere; she needed a drink.  
Her eyes were on Drogo, but she could feel Poe's glaze on the back of her skull.  
 **"Alright, alright!"** Gideon's voice boomed. **"We have a clear winner. Now, what is it that you want to see?"**  
A chorus of incoherent chants rose from the mass, and then, their words became more evident.  
 **"Kill him! Kill him!"**  
Were these people for real?!   
A hint of fear appeared in her opponent's eyes. Y/N didn't look away, and her blade didn't move either.  
Gideon silenced the crowd and stood up, attracting everyone's attention. Y/N glanced up at him as the silence settled.  
 **"It looks like the crowd has spoken. End him."**  
What? No!  
She looked down at Drogo. He wasn't saying anything, but he was livid.  
He had done nothing wrong.  
Y/N had killed people, yes. Captain Thunderbird had killed people while she executed orders, too, but this was different.  
She wasn't that person. And she had never taken a life freely.  
Still, she knew it was a test. She knew Gideon wasn't kidding. If she refused, she could very much ruin the mission.  
But if she carried through the order, she wouldn't be able to live with herself, let alone face Poe.  
She dropped the blade.  
 **"Nah. I don't think so."**  
The suspicion was evident on the host's face, and his guards made subtle moves, grabbing their guns. Y/N knew she had to tread lightly, now.  
 **"I thought the infamous fighter you are would have no issue following orders. Did you grow a soul while you were on your mission?"**  
She laughed.  
 **"Oh, no. I don't care about him. But there are only two men I've ever willingly taken orders from. One of them is in this room... and it's not you."**  
And she very obviously turned in her friends' direction, sending a wink she knew he would think was for Kit.  
It wasn't.

_Kriffing hell. She was going to be the death of him._   
_First of all, he wasn't at all convinced Ren didn't have a tiny teeny thing for her because he wouldn't have dressed her like that if he didn't._   
_As much as it pained him to think it out loud, Kit had been right. She was terrifyingly skilled with that blade of hers. They never stood a chance._   
_He did jump a bit when she had lost it, though._   
_Then, he had smiled like an idiot when she had grinned and pressed the button, calling it back to her._   
_The face of the goon had been priceless._   
_Still, Poe would clench his jaw whenever someone hit her, and he had to use every ounce of his self-restraint to stop himself from jumping on the ring with her._   
_But now that she had won, and dodged Gideon's request and managed to stay in character while doing so... Kriff, okay, he was proud of her. And grateful for the helmet because he was smiling like an idiot._   
_With her skin glossy under the neon lights, a bright smile on her face, she had turned to them and-_   
_She had winked._   
_What? Okay. It was him she had winked at, right? Not Kit. Well, it was supposed to look like it was for Kit, but it wasn't, right? Because she took orders from him, not that idiot. And she had been the one giving him orders anyway back in the day, so he wasn't too sure what she could mean by that if she was actually winking at him-_   
_Okay, no, actually, he had an idea, and he would try his best not to think about it because, ew. No._   
_But- Kriff. Okay. She had been winking at him. She was a damn tease._   
_Poe knew he wasn't thinking straight. But no one could blame him. After the days they had had... and what had happened in the cantina... He had tried to talk to her about it, but the way she had looked at him had made him glad Skylen had interrupted. Was she embarrassed? Had he gone too far? He had made sure to be mindful, but he might have gotten carried away. Was that the reason why she was nervous around him, now? Was she even really nervous around him and not just focused on the mission?_   
_Ah, Dank Farrik, he felt like a teenager again._   
_Being trapped in that armor, doing nothing but emulating a potted plant - which he hated, by the way - not the plant but its emulation - gave him a plethora of occasions to drift off in his thoughts. That wasn't wise._   
_Y/N climbed down, making her way toward them with a calculated slowness. It gave Kit plenty of time to bitter Gideon up._   
_**"I'd warned ya,"** he laughed. The mob boss snickered. **"You did."**_   
_He watched her thoughtfully, spinning something in his hands. The damn helmet made it difficult to see what it was. Probably something of no importance._   
_**"It's too bad she's here with you,"** he said. **"A woman like that... I'm sure we could get along. She's a feisty one."**_   
_Okay, now, Poe wanted to punch him. Skylen tensed up by his side, and so did Kit. His pursed lips quickly relaxed into a smirk, and he took a sip of his drink to hide his clenched jaw. As much as Poe disliked him, he had to admit he was a good actor._   
**_"My man, she'd break you in half in less than an hour. It takes a special kind of man to handle her."_ **   
_He snuck a glance at Poe. On that, they could agree._   
_He leaned forward._   
**_"Also... she's coming home with me tonight. Don't forget that."_ **   
_The joke did nothing to hide the thinly veiled threat in his voice. Gideon laughed._   
**_"Alright, I got the message. She's all yours."_ **   
_No, she was her own person, thank you very much-_   
_**"I hope you boys didn't miss me too much,"** Y/N's voice interrupted._   
_With a grin, she sat down on Kit's lap, and if Poe weren't staring at her, he would have missed the way she tensed up while doing so._   
_But Kit, being the respectful man she had argued he was, put his hand on her back._   
_...That was his spot._

**"That was a kriffing good show you put, Princess,"** Kit said. Y/N shrugged.  
 **"It was no big deal."**  
Truth be told, it was. They had gotten way too close to a bloodbath. Y/N's heart was still hammering in her chest, and Kit's hand on her back did nothing to help. It made her feel awkward. Far from the effect Poe had on her. He was just so... soothing.  
He gave her her blaster and her cape back, and Y/N put them back in their place, lazily waiting for Gideon to speak up. He was merely observing the two of them.  
 **"It appears you were telling the truth. And you have thoroughly entertained my crowd. "**  
Oh, yeah, _so_ glad to hear that.   
**"As enjoyable as the workout was, it's not why I'm here, "** she simply answered. Gideon nodded.  
 **"Yes… I suppose it's not. Come with me. "**  
He took his time, walking toward a raised area with a small staircase. Probably a VIP area, as the walls of the booth were higher than the others. It would provide them with some intimacy and mean she would be trapped should things go awry. Ah, no, it would go smoothly; she was sure of it.  
Although Gideon wasn't too pleased, judging by the face he was making, he let the two troopers stand watch right outside the door with his own guards. However, he turned to Kit.  
 **"Get yourself a drink; this is between the two of us. You know I don't talk business in front of people that aren't involved. "**  
He glanced at Y/N, and she gave him a quick nod. He was displeased.  
 **"Alright, alright. I'll wait outside. "**  
  
With one last long look, Kit stood up and walked away. Y/N could sense his worry from where she stood. She shared it, to some extent, but Kit had never been the witness of her wits in action.  
With her friends standing watch outside of the booth, too far to be able to jump in should something go wrong, she was pretty much alone. But hadn't she proved she was capable of defending herself? In a rather flashy manner, nonetheless?  
They settled down on the plush seats of the booth. Y/N leaned back against the back of the couch, legs propped on the table, her boots shining under the dim lights. Gideon leaned forward and offered her a cigarette. Y/N never smoked; she hated the smell of it.   
But she knew it would add to her mysterious aura and her badass vibes, so she grabbed it gingerly. Putting it between her lips, she let the Devaronian light it. The flicker of the flame vanished as quickly as it had been summoned; a small cloud of smoke went up in the air, hiding her face in a blurry mass for a second. She exhaled, and it went away, swirling into emptiness.  
 **"Alright, alright. I guess you've held up your end of the bargain. What is it you want to know?"** Gideon asked, opening his arms in fake surrender.  
She took her time to answer, pretending to enjoy her cigarette. Y/N knew she had to tread carefully.   
**"I wanna know more about that bounty. The one you put on Dameron. Who paid for it?"**  
He tapped his chin thoughtfully. Of course, she should have known he wouldn't answer straightforwardly.  
 **"Why does it matter? Your people have been trying to get rid of him for a long time. It should come as a relief that someone is willing to pay so much to help you out in the matter."**  
She hummed, resisting the urge to look at Poe, who stood idly by the door. Could he hear them? She supposed he was trying hard to. He didn't appreciate being sidelined.  
 **"Usually, I would agree. But not this time. Dameron is the new leader of the free world, and he has some pieces of information I need. I need him alive for now. He's useful to me. So I need to know who wants him dead so bad because they're a pain in my ass."**  
Gideon considered her answer for a second, then nodded.  
 **"Fair enough. I can't tell you, though. Not because I don't want to,"** Gideon corrected when Y/N frowned, **"but because I don't know. The man who contacted me did so anonymously. I received a hologram with a modified voice. We have never met in person, and I can't contact him."**  
 **"So you're wasting my time,"** she answered coldly. She would squeeze every last bit of information he had if she needed to, and insulting his professionalism was sure to elicit a reaction from him. Gideon shook his head.  
 **"Not exactly. I can't tell you who he is, but I can tell you who he works for."**  
He paused, savoring his effect, and then:  
 **"He is from the Senate."**  
Kriffing _PARDON_?!  
Y/N couldn't help it - she raised both of her eyebrows, barely managing to turn her shock into a look of surprise.   
No. It couldn't be! They had been betrayed from the inside?! No, no, no! It was starting all over again! Her blood ran cold. How was she supposed to break the news to Poe? He would be devastated.   
**"A Senator wants the general of the Resistance dead?"** She repeated, doing her best to hide the terror threatening to seep through her words. It worked efficiently enough. Gideon looked at her thoughtfully.  
 **"You seem surprised,"** he stated.  
Try "kriffing shocked"! She shrugged it off, forcing a smile on her face. She felt sick.  
 **"Hey, separatists don't exactly wear a badge on their sleeve. I'm pleasantly surprised to see the Empire still has powerful allies."**  
He nodded.  
 **"I don't know if he's a Senator for sure. But he does have access to quite a lot of resources and money. Untraceable."**  
That complicated things. Perhaps Rose could take a look anyway? She sincerely hoped he wasn't a Senator because that would be bad. Also... the last time a Senator had conspired against the Republic, the Galaxy had gone to war for years. The wound was still fresh in her mind, and it was even more so in Poe's.  
Kriff. Poe wasn't going to like that.  
She took a puff from her cigarette and instantly regretted it but managed not to choke conspicuously. Technically, her work was done. She had gotten the lead she needed.  
...But maybe she could try to push him. Y/N leaned forward slightly, and it caught his attention.  
 **"I appreciate it. Though... There's something else,"** she said casually. Gideon stiffened a bit; clearly, she was stepping into uncharted territories as they had not discussed anything else. He remained quiet nonetheless.  
 **"I want you to call off the bounty."**  
He burst out laughing. Pretty much the reaction Y/N had been expecting.  
 **"Are you kidding me? I don't think so. You're not in a position to-"**  
She raised her hand, silencing him.  
 **"I'm going to tell you exactly why it's in your interest to do it,"** Y/N added patiently. Inside, she was shaking. If he sensed she was bluffing, she was as good as dead. **"You got a VIP bounty on the loose. Two million is a lot of money. This means everyone you have is after Dameron. So, until he's been caught, or the bounty is off,"** she counted on her fingers, **"you won't be making any money from bounties. Now, I assume you have other sectors of interest, but still, it'll make a dent in the finances. This underlines a major problem... none of your guys are remotely skilled enough to go after him. It takes a special kind of skill set to go head to head against a pilot like him."**  
 **"A skill set you happen to possess?"** He asked, somewhat sarcastically. Y/N shrugged nonchalantly.  
 **"I do. It's only natural that it would take the best pilot of the First Order to terminate the Resistance's finest, isn't it?"**  
To terminate him... the word sounded so dirty in her mouth. She had to remind herself none of this was real. But still... uttering the syllables out loud tarnished her very soul.

  
"While you are correct regarding the money I make from the bounties... restoring the status quo hardly makes up for the twenty percent commission I will make from his capture. Unless you want to make me a counteroffer, this discussion is over."  
He went to stand up; classic move. Y/N merely raised her cigarette.  
 **"I have something better. You're going to stop broadcasting the information. When the buyer contacts you to enquire about it, you'll tell him you have the mission to me, and only me. I will capture Dameron. Take what I need from him, and deliver him as promised. And you can cash in the full bounty. I don't care about the money."**  
He observed her for a second, weighing his options. Y/N didn't waver under his scrutinizing gaze.  
 **"The probabilities of him being captured when everyone is after him are higher than the ones of you doing that all by yourself. I'm not really sold..."**  
She smiled. It wasn't her friendly smile.  
 **"Oh, I think you know that isn't true, Gideon."**  
He raised an eyebrow and leaned forward; his horns caught the light.  
 **"Really?"**  
She hummed.  
 **"Really. I think you know I'm your best chance. I'm offering you a deal you can't refuse, and I think you already know you're gonna take it."**  
Y/N fully turned to him, leaning both forearms on the table. She stared at him, hoping her unwavering gaze would drive the point home. She took another breath of smoke.  
 **"You're going to accept, and you're going to call off the bounty,** " she repeated. In her head, she was sending vibes in his direction, focusing all of her brainpower and hoping that her despair would, somehow, be transferred to him and convince him-  
 **"I'm going to accept. And I'm going to call off the bounty,"** Gideon repeated in a low voice. And he-  
Wait. It had worked?  
Gideon shook his head slightly as if he were coming out of a trance.   
**"We have a deal. I'll take the money. You can do whatever you want to Dameron. But I warn you, Miss Y/N; do not fail. I don't have patience with people who do not meet their end of the bargain."**  
Hah. If only he knew.  
She scoffed, more so at the irony of the situation than at what his words implied.  
 **"I'm a woman of honor, Gideon. "**  
Hahahaha. Y/N also was a good liar.  
Poe would argue the opposite, though.  
  
It seemed to ease his mind for some reason, however. He shrugged.  
 **"Alright. Come back with me to the main room; I'll have to make a few calls. Then, I'll give you a puck. "**  
He stood back up, and Y/N followed, extinguishing her cigarette in the ashtray on the table. As they were about to leave, Gideon stopped her.  
 **"Is Kit working with you on this one? "**  
Why would he be asking? Y/N barely suppressed a frown. She wasn't aware of the degree of his interest in Kit, and she didn't want to blow his cover should he wish to keep working with him.  
 **"Kit and I do our best to keep work out of our relationship. But he has made it clear several times that he doesn't like to get involved in the war stuff. "**  
She gave a small laugh for the sake of it.  
 **"The closest he will ever come again of the First Order is when he's laying next to me. "**  
Gideon laughed, too, and Y/N relaxed. He owed him one for that joke.  
 **"I see. "**  
He didn't add anything; instead, he merely walked out of the booth, headed toward his guards. The plot thickened. Y/N had no idea what the reasoning behind this little interrogation session was. She shrugged it off. Gideon had a plan of his own; she was sure of it. Perhaps he wanted to make sure Kit wasn't part of it.  
They walked past the two troopers outside, and they both turned to follow after her. Gideon stopped right before the staircase and turned around.  
 **"My guards will give you a puck. In the meantime, wait here, enjoy yourself. I'll be back shortly. "**  
She smiled politely, and off he went, leather cape whipping at his heels. Y/N watched him go, waiting for him to be out of earshot-  
Kit appeared by her side as soon as he had reached the ground floor. He snaked an arm around her waist as Y/N noticed two guards standing a few meters away. With the club's noise, they wouldn't hear them, but they could see them… and showing no display of affection even though they were supposed to be together would definitely trigger their inner alarm.  
 **"How did it go? "** He asked lowly, making sure the two pilots behind him could hear. Y/N smiled as if he had just told her something sweet.  
 **"We'll debrief when we're alone. I don't have a name, but I've learned a lot about who put the hit on Poe's head. What matters right now is that he's gonna call off the bounty. I talked him into assigning it to me and me alone. "**  
 **"What? "** Poe whispered, barely speaking loud enough for her to hear. **"How did you pull that off? "**  
Well… that was a great question.  
 **"I'm not sure, "** she hummed. **"I turned on the charm, and it worked. Offered Gideon a deal he couldn't refuse. "**  
Kit snorted.  
 **"Seriously? Just like that? "**  
She gave him a sly smirk.  
 **"Why is it so hard to believe? It worked on you, Kit, didn't it? "**  
Before he could try to argue -uselessly, might she add, because he knew damn well she was right- one of the guards approached her. He handed her a puck. Y/N took it with a curt nod.  
 **"Is it done? "** She asked.   
**"Yes. Boss asked of you to stay here for a little bit. He needs to talk to you before you two leave. "**  
Y/N frowned. Hadn't he said he would be back shortly?  
She bit back her question, and the guard walked away. Downstairs, the music had changed to a more upbeat tone.   
**"Well. I guess we gotta stick around for a bit, or it'll be suspicious. "**  
Great! She sighed but faked a smile nonetheless.  
 **"Then let's enjoy the amenities. "**  
  
Kit led her down the stairs, and the four of them took a spot in an empty booth, ordering non-alcoholic beverages to avoid looking out of place. It was palatable a best. Kit went on to pay and chat with the bartender, leaving Y/N alone to nurse her glass. The two guards were right behind her.  
 **"Something's not right. Gideon accepted to give up on the bounty? "** Poe asked quietly. Y/N hummed negatively in her drink.  
 **"Not exactly. I told him I would handle it myself. Bring the bounty to the buyer, and that he can cash in the full prize. Argued I'm the only one skilled enough to go through with the mission. "**  
He let out a faint snort. Y/N could feel the grin from behind the helmet.  
 **"Keep dreaming, Keebler. "**  
Time dragged on; minutes went by. The music changed again; Gideon was still nowhere to be seen. Her now finished drink in hand, Y/N looked around for Kit. He was, conveniently, just walking back to her.  
…He didn't look happy at all.  
 **"Kit? Something the matter? "** She asked sweetly. He went right for her ear, leaning until his breath tickled it.  
 **"Pretend I'm telling you something hot. But we have a problem. "**  
She giggled.  
 **"What's going on? "**  
Y/N took a look around the room. The guards had started to move, looking more alert than before. More of them had come out of the rooms they couldn't access- the ones in the direction of which Gideon had disappeared.  
 **"Apparently, something fishy's going on outside. I didn't hear much. But I have a feeling it's got something to do with our friends. "**  
Ah, crap.   
**"Do we need to get out? "**  
 **"Preferably as fast as possible, yeah. Before his lapdogs have the time to make it hella harder for us. "**  
Perhaps they had spotted their friends? Maker, Y/N certainly hoped they weren't in trouble. She casually stretched toward the backdoor that was a couple of tables away, subtly hinting at a swift escape-  
But some guards beat her to it, the door opening to let in a couple of them.   
Dank Farrik.  
Okay, think, Y/N. Think. There were only two entries, minus the one in Gideon's office they would never reach in time. Plus, it would be heavily guarded, and as much as she was skilled with her blade, she wasn't particularly fond of confrontation for the sake of it.  
The main entrance it would be, then. With confidence, Y/N started walking toward the door they had come in through, pretending to admire the dancers on her way out. She wasn't walking too fast and not too slow either. Kit's voice came from her side.  
 **"They're looking for someone. "**  
Kriff. Okay, they weren't too-  
 **"KIT! STOP RIGHT HERE! "** Someone shouted.  
Y/N's head whipped toward the entrance. A guard had irrupted in the club, gun aimed at her friend by her side.  
She didn't even think about it.  
Y/N unclasped her knife from her left arm and threw it across the room at a dizzying speed. It lodged itself blade first in the guard's chest, who collapsed, accidentally firing his gun on the roof in the process.  
People screamed.  
Time felt like it slowed down.   
Kit kicked a table up, using it as a shield, and grabbed his blaster as both Poe And Skylen raised their rifles. The first blaster shots missed them by a hair, and Kit dragged her down with him, taking cover behind the table.  
 **"Well. So much for a swift exit,"** Y/N groaned. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! Jealous Poe, badass reader, and some hints for the plot! Weeee! Also... It's been a YEAR since I've published this fic! I can't believe time flew so fast! We hit 3400 reads and I'd never imagined I would get so much support from you guys. From the bottom of my heart, thank you <3 I hope you're doing well!


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